It started in the month of March.  I got this crazy fatigue.  I was sleeping in every morning, which I haven’t been able to do even if I tried.  I’ve always been an “early to bed, early to rise” kinda gal.  I was also taking naps at lunch and after work, and still going to bed early.  It was like I couldn’t get enough sleep.  Well, about a week later, we found the culprit.  I was pregnant!

My first response was to start shaking.  I was nervous, excited, scared, and felt totally unprepared (even though I had a lot of mommy friends educating me on their pregnancies and reminding me that no two pregnancies are alike).  I told only a few people at first, primarily mothers and people who could help me find a great OBGYN.  Still, there was a lot of celebration going on.

We had our first sonogram on April 10th, and it was smaller than expected.  We thought we were 8 weeks, but we were more 6 and a half, which meant no heartbeat yet.  No worries, said the Doctor, we will just have another sono in a week and a half.  They took some blood and sent me on my way.  On Friday of that week, they called again to reiterate that there was nothing wrong, especially since my blood HCG levels were perfect.

So, we went in for my second sonogram last Friday.  There was no growth in that week and a half and no heartbeat.  The doctor started talking about what to expect during a miscarriage.  I’m so glad my husband was there both times, but especially this time.  He just held me after the doctor left and let me cry for a while.  I gave more blood and just went home.

That night, I had a talk with God.  I remembered the times he had been there for me when I felt like there was no hope.  He had a major role in my meeting Michael and in the job that I now have.  So why would I even think he wasn’t here now?  I told him over and over that I trust him, and that whatever purpose he had for me had to be even bigger than what I imagined.

Last weekend was a rollercoaster.  We worked in the garden and saw a movie on Saturday.  It wasn’t until the end of the day that I realized I hadn’t felt pregnant at all that day.  Sunday was hard.  I fell into a depression and didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything.  Michael let me stay at home, as long as I didn’t stay in bed all day.

Monday, we got the news.  My levels were going down.  I had officially lost the baby.  Miscarriage is imminent, even though I still hadn’t felt any of the symptoms yet.  The doctor offered a D and C, which is basically a medical procedure to clean out the uterus.  However, I felt that I would rather do this naturally, as painful as that might be.

I have had a lot of women share with me their own miscarriage stories.  It’s amazing how many women have gone through this situation.  I have found that just like every pregnancy is different, every miscarriage is too.  Sometimes it happens earlier, sometimes later.  Sometimes you hear the heartbeat, sometimes you don’t.  And every woman reacts differently too, their comfort found in many different places.

I’m not sure when I will be getting back to my regularly scheduled blogging program.  I will probably be taking a hiatus from Facebook in May (which I do every year in May, so this isn’t something new).  I  might just spend time away from social media altogether and come back refreshed in the month of June (just in time for my 30th b-day!  You know that month will be a PAR-TAY!)

I want to thank you for being so patient with me.  Thank you for the comments, even though I haven’t been able to respond.  Thank you for the kind thoughts and prayers.  I will see you soon.

It’s a mix of sinuses as well as just over all feelings of yuckiness that have kept me from being online at all.  Plus, I’m trying this new medication the doctor gave me that I don’t think my body appreciates as much as it needs to.

This is not the week for me to feel this sluggish and sick, since Easter is literally right around the corner.  My sweet husband has been helping out a lot even though he is working late due to busy season.  So, since something needs to be dropped for the moment so I can focus on others things, unfortunately, blogging needs to be that thing.

That said, I might be MIA for a little while.  I’m going to talk to my doc about the side effects of this medication, hopefully today, and see what I can do about switching it out.  I will talk to you all very soon.

I have a confession.  I’m not a good writer.  It takes me a while to grab the thoughts swimming around in my head and place them in some distinct, articulate manner on paper or the screen.  My best form of communication is probably the one-on-one conversation.  I can read people pretty well in those situations, and I know when I’m not making any sense.  A computer screen doesn’t always give me those cues.

I think that’s why I like videos so much.  It’s like being able to write a piece twice.  First, you shoot the piece (sometimes over and over again), being able to hear it all out in the open.  Then, you can edit that piece before publishing it to the world.  Still, I like blogging too, because it’s a challenge.  Plus, the community is amazing.

I sometimes have a problem being envious of the good writers in the blogsphere, the successful ones that seem to easily relay information with quirky undertones and unique storytelling.  However, I started looking at blogging like it’s a journey.  Some may be ahead, while others behind me, and still others are going in a completely different direction altogether.

So, today, I just wanted to share what was floating around in my head with you.  I look forward to continuing on this journey of writing, and perhaps look back at this post a year or ten years from now with better perspective.  I hope you will still be here, as well.  :)

Have a great day!

Sorry, this is going up a day late.  I had an incredibly busy weekend, with little time in front of the computer.  I wanted to post this lunch I had this past week because I was so proud of how healthy it was.  Spinach and strawberry salad, hummus and pretzel thins, and Australian yogurt for dessert.  So good!

I know I said fun about five times at the end, which cracks me up.  We were both tired, so our reviewing brains weren’t quite on top of things.  It was a great play, very little vulgarity and nothing graphic.  The jokes sometimes fell but there were definitely a few actors who carried the play to the end.  Overall, it was very…ummm…funny!  :)

Hope you have a great week!

Lisa and CJ hosted a game night at their house.  We started with pizza, with cookies and ice cream for dessert.  We ended up talking well after dessert.

However, we did get in half a game of Phase 10 before Michael and I had to leave before we turned into pumpkins.

It was a wonderful night, and I look forward to many more happy times spent in this little small group family.