tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-211988312024-10-07T07:34:59.380+02:00Learning to Live MagicallyC.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-12306965369764759152008-03-01T22:51:00.008+01:002008-03-02T02:02:27.750+01:00

Its General Election time in Malta right now...more like Comedy Hour Special. Bring on the popcorn! Its an open house fantasia moviethon which comes with a PG rating to ensure that every infantile can enjoy the show. It comes with intermissions which are wasted on those twisted cynical Floater Voters who'll already have pissed in their pants laughing. (...damn it, my bubblegum pink knickers

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1148989914547072582006-05-30T13:21:00.000+02:002006-05-30T13:51:54.626+02:00

Paraphrasing one of Oscar Wilde’s many cynical observations on human nature, there’s only one thing worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about. Based on that premise, the Church should make the author of “The Da Vinci Code” honorary Chairman of the Board because he has done more to revive talk about the life of Christ among both believers and disbelievers than the Pope

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1143217539637269152006-03-24T15:12:00.000+01:002006-05-10T22:15:52.203+02:00

A while ago (I've been festering in my cave lost track of time),the Prime Minister of Malta Mr. Gonzi (not of Muppets fame but a good lookalike) got really rattled at a recent "Meet the Rabble" gathering. The rabble were grumbling about the recent huge price hikes (fuel surcharge up to 67%-petrol and diesel and gas doubled or tripled-airport tax which is now the highest in Europe if not the

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1143069581228038222006-03-22T22:14:00.000+01:002006-03-24T17:29:02.016+01:00

You're 85% IrishCongratulations, you're a shining example of an Irish lass.There's hardly anyone more Irish than you!(results from an internet poll)Weyhey! Its official. I'm a Shining Example and I've got the Rudolph Reindeer nose to prove it! What can I say. I'm a polished drinker! I didnt score 100% cos I didnt know what gaelic football was (an Irish euphemism for taking part in group orgies?)

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1142877680819225982006-03-20T16:50:00.001+01:002006-03-21T12:17:36.310+01:00

Bolting straight out of the Hollywood stables: “Terminator 3.5 cm: The Bugged Version”. Soon to arrive at a comedy venue near you. The plot: Pentagon defence scientists attempt to create an army of cyber insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and send transmissions. Ok, are you wondering when I’m going to call your bluff and holler “Ha! Ha! You Bin Bolloxed!”. Well, don’t

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1142864846827197272006-03-20T13:46:00.000+01:002006-03-22T13:51:31.253+01:00

Further to my highly intellectual and insightful analysis (see earlier post) of Bush's motives for going after Iran (after successful rape and pillage campaign in Iraq), some highly engaging campaign posters:And here's is an illustration of the term: OXYMORON (no, not quite "bovine idiot", but close!)source for some more inspirational Bush campaign postersmy "Give Us This Day Our Daily Gin" quote

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1142617696867088062006-03-17T17:43:00.000+01:002006-03-17T18:48:16.966+01:00

Knock knock.Who’s there?“I am the Grim Reaper.” – That’s an odd name. Are you Welsh? – “I am the Grim Reaper. I cometh to collecteth souls” – Hmmm, very archaic way of speaking. You must be from Wales. “ I have cometh to tell you your time is up..” – Wait! You’re not Ann Robinson by any chance? My you look very different on TV….Shorter. Yes, that’s it. Shorter. So, The Weakest Link is making

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1142374993703237832006-03-14T21:35:00.000+01:002006-03-15T19:52:00.070+01:00

I’m currently reading “Cosa Nostra” which traces the history of the Mafia. Yeah, my kinda bedtime reading..why? Cos I'm a chronically violent psychopath ok? Idiot. Anyway, it convincingly demonstrates that the Mafia originated as 19th century Sicilian landowners seeking to monopolize via intimidation the island’s most valuable commodity of the time, that being the lemon orchards. Having found

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141930037376403842006-03-11T22:32:00.000+01:002006-03-14T21:35:00.253+01:00

I recently did a Google search for fellow Maltese Compatriots, Ex-patriates and Exiles (what can I say, I’m a terribly lonely f**ked up excommunicated Catholic part-Maltese sexual deviant) and after typing in “Maltese”, came up with thousands of links to…Cutting Edge Technology? Superlative Services? Competitive Clothing Industries? Oldest Temples in the World? Amazing Siege? World War II? George

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141914769085537422006-03-09T13:58:00.000+01:002006-03-09T19:05:17.856+01:00

Okayeee. Lets recap. The U.S. invades Iraq because of Saddam's conversion to the euro of Iraq's oil exports in 2000 which threatened the U.S. petrodollar...ooops, sorry, no I mean Saddam was a DESPOT! He had a nasty covert WMD operation which was deviously housed in milk factories. Blanket bombing followed and nothing was ever found. But Bush wasnt going to waste time crying over spilt milk. Ho

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141746505317071112006-03-07T16:34:00.000+01:002006-03-07T19:06:46.896+01:00

Well, not completely. I do have moments of seriousness (usually in my sleep). You see, I’m obsessively interested in lexicology. No, idiot, not sexicology (which I might add I am supremely qualified in).Lexicology: the study of words. You know, those monosyllabic expressions you spit out when the Maltese utility bills with added 67% fuel surcharge arrive? So, I’m curious: where the heck did the

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141595093833471652006-03-05T22:01:00.000+01:002006-03-07T17:11:39.310+01:00

What the blazes do people think they’re doing when they write daily blow-by-blow blog dairies?? Weblogs may have started as electronic diaries for the Lonely Heart Clubbers who were friendless cos everything that had a pulse would run for cover whenever they opened their gobs. But by now, with the plethora of highly talented highly amusing highly informative blogs (mine immediately springs to

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141418420085188532006-03-03T20:42:00.000+01:002006-03-04T16:21:12.390+01:00

NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE NEWS UPDATE Malta's Minister for the Environment has decided to use the same strategy that last year was successfully implemented to catch out environmentally unfriendly cars spewing exhaust emissions, by urging citizens to (spy on each other) send images via MMS to a toll-free number to report sightings of cats suspected of suffering from Bird Flu. The

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141302121002507812006-03-02T10:44:00.000+01:002006-03-03T12:04:07.436+01:00

In Germany, where the first case of a cat dying from Bird Flu has been reported, locals are concerned. “We’re scared for our cats”, said one scared for her cat woman on EuroNews. “How can we detect the symptoms in our cats?” Idiot. Isn’t it obvious? High fever, sore throat, sneezing, runny nose, flying about in disoriented circles…But what I am really curious about is how do these bloody birds do

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1141158154057860272006-02-28T19:59:00.000+01:002006-03-02T15:03:14.473+01:00

Damn. I’m not getting a single vote for my blogrants on the forthcoming il-Karnalanti tal Bla-Bajt-Blogeranti (that’s Maltese for: Awards for Exceptionally Gifted Sex Maniacs Who Happen to Write Blogs) as part of Carnival Season in Malta. I’m hurt. No I’m not. I lie. I’m devastated. But no need to be concerned, I don’t throw knives. I prefer hatchet jobs. Power-tooled hatchet jobs. Turbo-charged

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1140971375712613282006-02-26T14:37:00.000+01:002006-02-28T22:13:39.473+01:00

Why are Viagra spammers targeting me with this unending daily spew of spam? What did I do to deserve this unnecessary barrage of attention? Maybe I should have been a bit more specific when I prayed for recognition. I meant as a phenomenally talented artist, not a wanker! Is it the handiwork of a shithead vengeful ex-lover who's submitted my email address to every frigging pharmaceutical company

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1140638999248717022006-02-22T12:56:00.000+01:002006-02-22T22:22:47.830+01:00

...friend brings over DVD, says gotta watch! amazing stuff! unbelievable! Oooh has it got super special effects? No. Hmmm. Oh its an edge-of-yer-pants suspense thriller? No. Hmmm. Shame oh well as long as its not anything from the Disney stables. So me and the Home Alone crew get out the popcorn and watch. Fast forward ten minutes. Here's us watching.. Damn, no wonder Farenheit 9/11 is X rated..

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1140275100632692542006-02-18T12:32:00.000+01:002006-02-22T22:31:17.066+01:00

Being the humble sort, I do occasionally, very occasionally, admit to being a complete idiot (mostly to myself of course). One of these rare occasions occurred recently; the perpetrator of my winning moment of idiocy posted a link from her blog to mismatch.com where she supposedly had selected some potential (mis)matches for herself: one being Da Bomber and another Not Da Bomber. After reading

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1140085127047556902006-02-16T10:55:00.000+01:002006-02-17T19:27:29.660+01:00

Dear Blogod, (or is that Brrreeeport?)It feels like I don’t exist unless I’m noticed. *sniff* As if everyone else in the world is only there to act as mirrors to verify my existence. *sniff * That means in my world no-one is expendable. Definitely a world worth subscribing to, wouldn’t you say? I need EVERYONE and that gives EVERYONE a purpose for living, perhaps not to their liking but certainly

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139873816719626932006-02-13T23:22:00.000+01:002006-02-15T19:30:09.766+01:00

MY TOP 1-2-10 WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION:1) My partner's Margarita Mixes2) My post-Indian Curry Night Out Farts10) DittoTIPS TO AVOID DETECTION AS A MERCHANT OF WMD:Dont kiss and tell on Google:Bedpan Heads: "..you have the right to remain silent...you have-"Hairy Head: "awww shuddup you F**ing Imperialist Idiots-I'm a dictator! Dictators can't be silent!..If I wanted to be silent I would have

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139779032694929202006-02-12T21:36:00.000+01:002006-02-16T15:35:25.250+01:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, and Inbetweens........if you didnt choose to stay in last Saturday night and watch the GOt 2 be Kiddin! Malta Song for Europe festival, yeah okay you may well have a life, but darn you missed summin! Well let me tell ya...T'was a Spectacle of Poncers! A Festival of Flunkers! A Drama of Dive-Bombing Divas!...and now for the bad news...Its like, because last year the Maltese

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139527822325252362006-02-09T23:55:00.000+01:002006-02-11T17:07:32.816+01:00

Stunning images of stunningly athletic Maltese athletes recently competing in the recent Games for the Small States of Europe -you can download the screensaver from the Times of MaltaMalta's GSSE Advertising Campaign Poster: "WE MAY BE SMALL BUT WE GOT BALLS!" ...........Maltese Bodybuilder Karen Caruana's physical appearance may have tipped off Games officials to her alleged steroids abuse......

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139508284321424882006-02-09T17:54:00.000+01:002006-02-11T14:56:06.473+01:00

During a visit to an insane asylum, a visitor asked the Director what were the criteria defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well” said the Director, “one test is that we fill up a bathtub and offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub”. “Oh I understand” said the visitor, “ a normal person would use the bucket because

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139238973440499392006-02-06T15:36:00.000+01:002006-02-11T14:59:03.276+01:00

Isnt Comedy the truly Greatest Weapon in a Anarchistic Subversive's arsenal?? Or even in an Anarchistic Subversive's arse for that matter. I've been scouring the web today to keep tabs on the escalating furore about the Mohammed Cartoons and becoming increasingly alarmed. Until i came across a comment in an otherwise very serious intelligent commentary in the Scottish Sunday Herald which got my

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21198831.post-1139231293678539422006-02-06T13:13:00.000+01:002006-02-06T14:08:14.236+01:00

To all my trusty floowers..followers even (!) who come back here for a reg'lar beatin' wid ma Blog stik, you may have noticed I've done a wee bit of redecorating. This is NOT to be taken as proof that I'm fickle, can't make my mind up, spend HOURS in supermarkets, change my wardrobe every month..i.e. typical female (oo-er *ducks at sound of approaching low-flying missles from the Feminist Front).

C.S.Lawrencehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08365975684677809194noreply@blogger.com3