The Philosopher's Tone

The Official 2020 Selfie Photo Album: a hair-raising tale

2021-01-05T07:40:00.003-05:00

So what have I been up to since I dropped off Facebook? Same old stuff, but just not including anyone else or publishing what I’ve done. For the most part. I have been trying to keep up on what’s new in people’s lives, offering stray likes and comments here and there. Just not posting a bunch of stuff like I used to. But I have been keeping busy. Reading, writing, bingeing. And watching my hair grow. Here is how that went.

As a baseline, this is me on November 4, 2019.

Here I am on January 14, 2020, wearing the same sweatshirt (we’ll come back to that in a little while). I had just turned 60 and was still trying to get my head around that when the rest of 2020 hit.

Three and a half months later (May 5), things are well underway. COVID-19 is a thing and so is my growth.

Sorry I don’t have any in between pictures, but I’m not much of a selfie artist. These photos were taken at the behest of others. Fast forward to November 6, one year and two days after the baseline photo.

Ohhhh, this deserves a side-by-side comparison.

Damn, that year aged me. Still, I am impressed by how much foliage I was able to grow in just 12 months.

Had there been a Halloween that year, I had my costume all set. Since there wasn’t a Halloween, I finally got around to dressing up and documenting it on December 8, knowing that I would soon be ridding myself of the beard. It was a sort of Gandalf/Merlin hybrid. I recycled parts of Toni’s witch costume from several years earlier and added my wizard staff, to good effect I think.

But the time had come to rid myself of the extra weight. And I took the opportunity to do something I always wanted to try. Muttonchops!

If it’s good enough for Presidents Martin Van Buren and Chester A. Arthur, it’s good enough for me. Well, it was until I saw a movie. A silent movie. And suddenly, the muttonchops paled in comparison to what I saw there…

Oddly enough, Barrymore was not the source of my amazement. It was one of his two buddies in the movie.

Time for a closeup.

What was I looking at???

Turns out—as is true of all outstanding facial hair styles—it has a name. It’s called a Hulahee, Because nothing this extraordinary deserves a moniker of lesser prestige. I had to have one.

December 12, 2020: the transformation.

Just look at the years melt away! But how did I do in the Hulahee department?

Nailed it.

(Coincidently this was the same day I took a picture of a faux Star of Bethlehem in anticipation of the cloudy skies that would surely obscure the exciting alignment of Jupiter and Saturn that was to occur near year’s end. I was not disappointed: it rained all day and there was not a star in the sky to be seen, miraculous or otherwise. The photo is a reflection of a reading lamp on my TV screen.)

And not to slight the star of the Svengali, here is John Barrymore, who could easily beat me in a wizard costume competition (and he still isn’t his creepiest here: his Mr. Hyde beats all).

Actually, the top shot is not that far off from what I looked like…

Martha Mansfield’s emotional range in just a few seconds in this scene matches Barrymore’s 100%, although approaching from opposite directions.

My variations in hair have a long history. 2020 was not the only year this sort of thing has happened. Witness what happened a little over a decade ago. (Yes, I have posted this next bunch of shots before, but they have become relevant again.)

And it goes back even further. 30 years further back.

1976, 1977, and 1978 school pictures. You’re right! It’s the same shirt in the first two pictures. I am still guilty of the same crime 45 years later. And while there is a vast improvement in my personal appearance overall in the last shot, I still must deduct major points for the leisure suit even though we all were wearing them at the time. Conformity was never my strong suit (is that a pun?), so my fashion sense should have had more sense.

And what about all that hair that came off my face?

I know it looks like something out of a 1970’s porno, but really it’s just a beard without a face in the sink. I won’t even go into how much beard hair resembles pubic hair, even before I shaved it all off. It’s one of the reasons I was not sad to see it go. That and the shedding. I hadn’t counted on that at all.

There you have it. 2020 in a nutsack. I mean nutshell. I am also very much looking forward to getting my hair cut, but it needs to be a certain length before I can donate it to Locks of Love. I’m so close now, I guess I can stick it out for another little while. And I hope—as do we all—that 2021 is a brighter year all around. Now, for some hair of the dog.

Throwback Thursday (recycling a series of Facebook posts)

2020-02-27T10:32:00.000-05:00

It’s Throwback Thursday, so I have prepared what I hope is a special treat for your enjoyment. I have a quartet of posts that hark back to the origins of the person you know as Me. It’s a bit more personal than my usual fare of how odd the past was (e.g. the 1900 German Fireman Sprinkler Head, or the How-in-the-World did that thing even fly 1938 Nintendo Airplane posted earlier).

A few weeks ago, Greg LaValley (who is quickly becoming my favorite local historian) posted a photo of Dr. Donahue (more on him in a later post) on the You Know You’re From Cass City Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/groups/228587690517305/]. It reminded me of two occasions when my family made the front page of the Cass City Chronicle. Thanks for the Rawson Memorial Library newspaper archive, these articles are available online and I cobbled the columns to make them somewhat more compact. I present them to you now, with some necessary clarifications, and some personal observations as well. (I’m not going to go through each image-garbled word though, unless specifically requested.)

Oma und Opa

The first article about my grandparents predates me by two years. What struck me as I reread it this time around is that I am now the age my grandfather was then. Here was a 60-year-old man (58 when they first arrived in America) starting life over again. True, I am two years into the process of “starting a new life” as well, but it is not by the sweat of my brow. I am currently living a life of leisure, so it’s not at all the same.

The article does do a good job of characterizing my grandparent, concise though it is. They never did get their citizenship (anyone who has tried to pick up a second—or in their case, a fourth—language later in life, knows it’s not a cakewalk; they knew enough English to get through life), but they did get their green cards, of which they were very proud, and which I still have…somewhere.

The second article will fill in a few more details of their life, so I won’t spend any more time on that here.

Notes:

My grandmother’s first name was Clara, which, owing to the era of the articles, does not appear in either article: “Mrs.” was enough.

The “Yugoslavian” language they spoke was Serbian. It was the language everyone in the household used when speaking about matters that my young German ears were not supposed to understand. As a result, I have a sizable store of Serbian curse words locked in my head whose meaning I can only guess at, but have deduced to a degree over the years.

The sister who sponsored their immigration was my grandfather’s sister, Theresa, my Tante Resi. So, yes, Joanne Reinbold, if not for your grandmother, I wouldn’t even exist.

My mother’s name was spelled “Hedy” not “Heddy”, proving that journalism back then is not that different in some regards as it is now.

End of part one.

Mom

Yes, before anyone says it, that adorable, cherubic little towhead in the photo is me. Can we move on now?

When it comes to a biography, I have often thought that my mother’s would make a great Hollywood epic. Facing what she did at such an early age (she was a teenager during the War) and coming out the other end with such grace, only to be slammed down again later by divorce and rise up from that until death came calling way too soon [see my blog for that story: https://jonnyquestone.blogspot.com/2018/01/today-is-day-i-traditionally-wax-bit_31.html]. She was able to keep her humor throughout—witness the inclusion of the Cognac and Statue of Liberty stories—something that she no doubt got from my grandmother whose wit was legendary.

Not many notes or comments to make; the story really tells it all. I do like the brief description of her as a person.

The only real standout for me that needs additional fleshing out is that the twelve years they spent as refugees in Austria is reduced to a single sentence. Twelve years is a long time by any standard, but when your days are spent in a work camp and your nights in a one room apartment no bigger than my current bedroom living in a country that wished you weren’t there, it takes on a little different meaning. They didn’t talk much about those years around me (or the wartime either for that matter), so I can’t offer much in the way of details. I do have pictures though, and every year during that period there was a Charlie Brown Christmas tree in evidence. I am forever grateful that the photo albums made it through the War and beyond.

The two suitcases each which accompanied them to Austria grew to three wooden trunks (lidded crates really) and three suitcases total when they left for America (I assume a more relaxed round of packing than when you are fleeing for your life), still not much when you consider most people need at least a moving truck to relocate these days. The smallest trunk was painted and repurposed as a toy chest for me; and I still have the smallest suitcase.

End of part two.

Bonus: Grandpa

The year after my grandmother died, this appeared in the society page of the Chronicle on July 1^st, 1982. It reiterates some of the previously related details but also adds a little more depth to my grandfather than just “grave” and “studious”. And it actually gives names to my grandmother and my great aunt.

One little detail that needs to be corrected is that my grandparents got married in 1926, not 1927. Otherwise my mom would have been born two months before the wedding. I have their framed and dated wedding picture to prove it. (The date was too faint to show up in this image of the photo, so you’ll have to take my word for it.)

Dr. Donahue

I would be remiss if I didn’t include something about Dr. Donahue. Since it was the post about him [https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10216488429430965&set=gm.3600687133307327&type=3&theater&ifg=1] that got me started on this trip down memory lane. But more than that, Dr. Donahue was a part of our lives since forever, and not just us, but the whole town. He was there when I came into this world and he was there when my mother left it. He was quite broken up about that, professionally for sure, but personally as well. I think his obituary paints about as good a picture as you can get of the man. But there was an incredibly human side to him that might not shine through all the larger than life details in print. Case in point is one of my favorite anecdotes.

About a year after my mother died (I had my driver’s license by then), my grandparents and I were on our way to see (I assume) my grandmother’s sister, Elizabeth (Tante Liza [pronounced, “Leeza”]). Before we even got out of town, I rear-ended a car at 45 mph. (I claim limited responsibility: he had his turn signal on and was pumping his brakes at the same time in sync with, but alternately from the blinker. (This was back when there was no center brake light; and I’m sure the situation I’m describing is exactly why they became the industry standard years later). The way I saw it, I had a 50-50 chance of guessing which way he was turning. I guessed he was going right, and I gunned the engine to pass. He was turning left. Bang. No one was seriously injured, but Grandpa—uncharacteristically in the front seat—cracked his head on the windshield. So, after all the insurance nonsense (I don’t remember if there was police or roadside assistance involved) off to see Doc Donahue we went.

As it turned out, the driver of the other car was an Osteopath, for whom an MD like Dr. Donahue had a smidgeon of professional contempt. When he found out who I had hit, a strange and mirthful expression crossed his face. Again, nobody was seriously injured. Dr. Donahue explained that he knew him. And then several more times during the examination, he would say, “so you hit Dr. So-and-So”, feigning disbelief by shaking his head, but betrayed by the barely concealed smirk on his face. To be sure, Doc Donahue didn’t wish the man ill; that wasn’t in his nature. But appreciating Karma might have been.

I have for my entire life been surrounded by these types of larger than life figures (and more that I haven’t mentioned here). I am left with one of two conclusions. Either I have been extraordinarily blessed, or that larger than life folks are much more common than I’ve been led to believe. Either way, I count it as a win.

Mia Famiglia (I figured since we were at the Italian-American Cultural Society this title would work)

2019-10-14T18:30:00.002-04:00

I have survived the wedding weekend of the century and lived to tell the tale (I did wimp out on day three though). There were actually three events going on, but I certainly didn’t want to steal any thunder from either the bride and the groom, or the bride’s pappy the next day at his surprise birthday party. OF COURSE, I was celebrating the union of two souls. OF COURSE, I was celebrating the completion of one more year of life on this planet for one of my family. But I also had reason to celebrate something for myself. And because not everyone knows what that might be, here’s the short version.

For various reasons over the years (some legit, some dubious) I have been in and out of contact with the bulk of my family on my dad’s side. As a small child, I had more frequent contact—though even that wasn’t really “frequent”—but as time went on, those points of contact became ever more sparse. Folks moved away, I became a delinquent but eventually turned that around, I got married and led a fairly insular life. A couple of weddings here, a couple of funerals there, and then even that dried up. And time gets away from you. And because life is the way it is, not everyone is at every event, so the range of time you haven’t seen someone can vary greatly.

Enter the wonder that is Facebook. I give Facebook a lot of shit, but it has enabled me to connect with family members (and friends, too) that I haven’t seen in a very, very long time, and with some that I have never met at all. Before Toni passed away, though, I only dabbled with social media; after that, I exploded all over Facebook (they’re still trying to clean up the mess). Since that time, I have become extremely close and very attached to several members of my extended family. I have witnessed them interacting with each other, and gotten to know my family just a bit better. And that great as far as it goes. Maybe I’m just irreparably old school. As wonderful as the internet has been to me, it still cannot substitute for meeting someone face to face, hearing their voices (I’m not big on FaceTime or Skype), holding them close and breathing the same air. So as nice as it’s been connecting electronically with everyone (“everyone” is a relative term; I’m still gathering friends…although “relative” is an appropriate term, since that is what I am writing about), something was still missing.

I’m minding my own business, looking through my junk mail, thankful that there are no bills and then remembering 99% of my bills get paid electronically (duh), when suddenly I come across a letter addressed to me from my cousins, Birtie and Lenny. It’s either way too early or way too late to be a Christmas or birthday card…Oh. It’s a wedding invitation. Their daughter is getting married. Huh.

Now, you have to keep in mind that over the last 2 ½ years, I have pretty much become a hermit. I don’t leave the house unless I have to, like when I run low on/out of food. One of the main reasons I go to therapy every week (I’ve only played hooky once in over a year’s time) is so that I get out of the house at least once a week (don’t tell my therapist that). I usually try to time my food shopping trips to coincide with therapy day so I don’t have to go out more than once. For all I know, the invite might have been in the mailbox for a couple of days because I don’t check it everyday (see mostly junk mail and non-bills above…); my mailbox is across the street and my driveway is 90 feet long. So. I’m going to an event with a few hundred people, at least half of whom are related to me in some way or another, a few of whom I know personally, none of whom I've seen at the very least in a decade and a half, and at most more than 50 years. And have a good time. Sounds like a disaster in the making for someone who is socially challenged.

But here is the amazing and wonderful thing about my family—and I hope that it works this way in yours, and if it doesn’t I hope you find a family where this is true someday or create one of your own—I didn’t have any anxiety about it. And this is why. In all of those many years of meeting up every once in a great while, I have never once been treated like I didn’t belong. Those feelings of being on the outside and looking in (if they exist at all) would be all on me. I have always been part of the pack, no matter the time and distance. Whenever we have gotten together, it’s as if no time has passed at all and we just pick right up where we left off. I expected that this time would be just like that. And it was. I have missed a lot of opportunities over the years there is no doubt. But I have etched in my memories every single one that I was part of.

Look, I’m no fool. I know day to day life is different from event life. Every family has problems and squabbles and no family is perfect. I get that. But. There’s a world of difference between “Oh god, why did you have to invite him” and the warm embrace of people who love you no matter what. I am very lucky to be on the good side of that equation. (Of course, I have no way of knowing what anyone says when I’m not there, so there’s that…)

Having the wedding reception was a great way to get reintroduced, and in quite a few instances, introduced for the first time, to people that are a part of my history whether I was aware of them or not. We each hold a piece of our family’s history and it’s a wonderful thing to be able to share that with others. Having the birthday party the next was almost as great a treat for me, because it was then that I could actually sit down with folks and have longer conversations that didn’t require shouting over the music. (I say almost, because the wedding has to be on top.) But even then, there wasn’t enough time for everyone. But that’s okay, there’s always next time. I’m excited to get to know my newly acquainted relatives, even as I look forward to reminiscing more with the ones I already knew.

It’s strange to think, that we members of the OG Kessler/Seibert/Gelb Cousin Crew are now at the age our grandparents were when we first started popping up. Well most of us are; one of us still has a couple of years to go…And we’ve long since passed the ages of our parents in that regard. And as I look out of this field of NextGens that you all have, I’m a little less worried about the world in general. I see an awful lot of really good people following after us. Good job, Crew, good job. In the time we have left on this earth, I hope to get to know each one of you better. And this holds especially true for the cousins that couldn't make the wedding.

So thank you yet again, Alicia and Trey Raynes for inviting me. You have no idea how much this has meant to me, but I hope this gives you just a little idea.

2019-09-10T20:40:00.000-04:00

I wrote this one year ago. I still believe it with all my heart.

You know what makes me sad about tomorrow? Seventeen years ago, the nature of America was changed forever. In the time since we have become a nation of fear, paranoia, and hatred. Was America perfect before? Of course not. Our history is filled with terrible things that we have done. But there was progress along the way as well. And in some ways there has been progress since.

But here is my point, looking ahead to the anniversary of 9/11. I am preparing myself for a torrent of posts and memes about how we ought to always remember, how we should never forget the tragedy. And many of these posts will include the finger of blame, and the proposed solutions. They will call for the elimination of immigration, the expulsion of non-citizens and their families; some going even further and saying they deserve to die. They will hide behind the flag while promoting one religion as patriotic and demonizing another for being "terrorist". And the flag some choose to enshrine isn't the American one. They forget that one of the gripes America had against Britain in the Declaration of Independence was refusing to support immigration, or that one of the points of the First Amendment was to prevent a state religion, so that our beliefs could not be dictated to us.

They will, no doubt, point out the many criminal and anti-American activities of a target group, while ignoring, dismissing, or excusing the exact same activities when it's one of their own doing it. They will promote fear, paranoia, and hate, and forget entirely that those very same things prompted the attack on America 17 years ago.

I will remember tomorrow. I will remember the horror and the tragedy and the grief. I will remember that more than 3,000 people died in an act of terrorism, and the sadness and loss their families felt. I will remember the sacrifice of the heroic first responders as they walked into the gaping jaws of death to save whomever they could. I will remember that for a very short time after, we were a nation united, with the support and sympathy of the world behind us. I will honor the memory of those who were taken from us tomorrow. I refuse to dishonor their memory by spewing the same type of hatred that brought about such a devastating event. I refuse to blame the sins of a few upon an entire segment of our population that doesn't share the terrorist mindset. Just as I don't blame a whole group for a jackass that shoots up a church.

In whatever way you choose to observe tomorrow, I ask that you focus on the loss we suffered and not the hate we might feel. I know I can't make that hate disappear with one post. But if you are serious about "remembering" and "never forgetting", save the hatred for the day after. Leave tomorrow in peace. One nation, with liberty and justice for all.

Thoughts on the passing of a friend

2019-06-24T18:52:00.003-04:00

It was incredibly fitting that the sun was shining so brightly the day Donatello passed from this life. Sunshine is the one thing my fella was always full of. And he loved to bask in the sunlight. The gloom and doom of an overcast day would have been inappropriate somehow even though I was mourning a long life well lived.

I have said many times that he was something other than a dog. He certainly processed the world around him differently than any of his seven pack mates. He never met anyone he didn’t like and never met anyone that didn’t like him. On one of our walks, we came across a white pony not much bigger than him, and the two hit it off right away. (There weren’t very many formal walks: on his first ever walk, he laid down in the middle of the road after a short while, because that was enough for him; luckily he was small enough to carry home. Things did get better with time) Perhaps the greatest testament to his likability was the fact that Slade, who barely tolerated anyone, did not mind his company.

He had a serenity about him that inspired the nicknames Pooh and Buddha. His days were mostly spent observing the world around him and meditating. There was quit a bit of napping involved as well, which did not surprise us. The day we picked him out (and took him home as things turned out) Toni was carrying him around as we checked his brothers and sisters. He was asleep the whole time. As he was throughout the duration of his first vet visit.

He came into my life at a one of my lowest points and set about doing everything he could to fix that right from the beginning. We had blocked off the master bath as his sleeping area with his little crate, and I ended up sleeping on the carpet for the next week with my fingers between the grate so he could snuggle and lick them because he missed his littermates so much. As he grew and his gentle soul revealed itself to me, I began to find my own peace. When Toni and I got our matching t-shirts (see https://tributetotoni.blogspot.com/2017/04/portends-and-omens-last-things-and.html for the story), she got hers in honor of Sully and I got mine because of Donatello.

Of all our boys, he was the most trouble free. He needed no training. He was already housebroken when we got him (and I’m not quite sure how that worked because he was living in a barn before we got him). He never had accidents in his crate, which could not be said for any of his adopted brothers. And so content was he in his crate, that one day when we came home from work to let the boys out, I discovered I had forgotten to latch his, and he never bothered trying to get out. Contrast this with Galahad who destroyed not one but two heavy duty metal crates in his bids for freedom.

Really it has only been the last couple of months when his Cushing’s disease moved into its final stages, along with his age in general, that he presented me with any sort of challenges. I had to change up his food several times because for whatever reason he no longer desired or perhaps no longer tolerated the food I was giving him. As the muscle weakness rapidly progressed in the last couple of weeks, he needed help going outside and more especially coming back in, and ultimately just getting up at all sometimes. But for—let’s say—90-95% of the time, he was still living in relative comfort, napping and meditating as he had his whole life. He never showed any sign of chronic pain.

On Saturday morning I knew he would be gone quite soon. I started making plans in my head to take him in to be put to sleep. I tried to take a nap but wasn’t able to so I got up again and saw that his breathing was quite shallow. So I knelt down beside him gently petted him, quietly telling him how much I loved him, until his breathing stopped. It was as I had hoped it would be: as peaceful as a soul like his deserved.

As I reflect on his life and death, it occurs to me that it is all a matter of perspective. Toni and I were married for almost 28 years. I had Donatello for 14 years. Calculating in dog years, Donatello and I were together longer. When Toni and I slowly built our pack over the years, it happened in two distinct phases. We got Shiloh and Sully in 2001, Slade in 2003, Captain Jack in 2004, and Donatello in 2005. We had our pack of five for five years. And between Toni and Sully, we ran a pretty tight ship. As each new member appeared, the previous rookie would take them under their wing and with Sully’s guidance they got a feel for how the pack worked. Then in 2010 Toni found Frodo, in 2012 she found Galahad, and in 2015 she found Hercules. Now between Galahad and Hercules, we lost Sully, Shiloh, and Captain, and then lost Slade shortly after we got Hercules. So we ended up with a completely new pack. Except for Donatello. He has for the past three years been the transitional member between the two groups. This new pack has a much looser code of conduct. They are still a well-behaved group, but less orderly. But in fairness, less order is required. I’m retired and have no set schedule to keep.

Donatello was the youngest of the first five and the oldest of the last four. And now for the first time in 15 years, our household is actually at the maximum number of dogs allowed by local ordinance. Donatello didn’t realize it but he ended up being a trend setter of sorts. He ended up being the largest dog in the pack, at least until Herc came along. He lived longer than any of others so far. He was the first—and only (again so far)—to die at home, and he is the first to die after Toni passed. It is that last one that was the most difficult. I sure could have used her counsel and comfort this time around. But we made do.

As the first four grew older and their eyes got a bit cloudy, the green reflections of their pupils became a bit grayer. Donatello’s pupils have always reflected yellow as a befits a golden boy with a golden heart. When I first noticed his eyes starting to cloud a bit years ago, instead of becoming gray, what I saw in in eyes were like hundreds of little rainbows. I can’t tell how just, how fitting that seemed to me at the time. The thing about Donatello, aside from—and probably because of—his essential serenity, was that he never changed. Where the others all went through their stages from boisterous puppyhood to calm maturity, his state was a constant: he was either born old or he was always a puppy. I’m not sure which. In his last days, when he would go outside, his legs would sometimes give out. He would gently collapse and look at me as if to say, okay, I’m done for this outing. Just like he did on that first walk. And I would help him back to the house. He was still the same little boy I came to love so many years ago.

I miss him. And so do his brothers. I’d like to think his three remaining littermates, Maggie, Sadie, and Poppy, do, too. He had my heart from day one and always will. I don’t need to look for gold at the end of a rainbow. I had a rainbow that was made of gold.

Photos

What real Facetime looks like

Everyone should have someone that looks at them like the way he looked at me.

Say "cheese" buddy

What a face

Winter fun

For a good many years, this is what my naps looked like.

The famous t-shirt logo

Donatello and his brothers

With Shiloh

My two boys

With Sully

At the dog park

With Slade

Good pictures of Slade are hard to find, so I am very lucky to have this one.

With his all-time bestie, Captain Jack

With Frodo

Video of Donatello and Frodo with Captain Jack as referee

With Galahad

The blondies

With Hercules

I credit Donatello's influence in calming Hercules down as he grew; they used to go on long walks together in the back forty.

Group shots

The Fab Five (those are Sully's eyebrows in the lower right...)

The Final Four

Some sort of family meeting going on; I wasn't invited.

Going solo

Mugshots

In case you thought I was imagining the rainbows in his eyes, here's a closeup of the shot above.

Possibly the most typical Donatello expression ever, unless he was smiling.

Full body pix

One of my favorite puppy pix. (I can't lay my hands on the rest at the moment...)

There’s something happening here.
What it is ain’t exactly clear.

I wasn't above making fun of him now and again.

Poser


Donatello also had Horner's syndrome.

Just a leisurely stroll


Sun Worship

One of the things Toni and I would do now and a again was to start a howling fest. These frequently started spontaneously. The television set them off more than once (werewolf movies are particularly effective) and it was a regular occurrence when we left for work in the morning. But sometimes, however, it was just fun to get them going for no reason.

Final resting place

Taking his place with the legends

Info

Cushing's Syndrome in Dogs

Horner's Syndrome in Dogs

Humane Society of Huron Valley - the only place I would ever take my pets for care

Faithful Companion Pet Cremation Service - same day pickup and 24 hour turnaround

May Day Musings

2019-05-01T19:57:00.000-04:00

Everything you ever wanted to know about May Day. And then some. And then some more. Yeah, there's my regular mix of information, entertainment, far reaching tangents; some enlightenment, some offensive material (you'll know it when you see it), and an f-bomb. I even have a disclaimer, which I frequently do.

Because there is SOOOOO much information out there about this particular date (I was shocked), I am resorting to, um, appropriating (with minor edits) most of the text of this post from various Wikipedia articles, and throwing in my sundry snide comments along the way. Had I known in advance what a bottomless pit this was, I would have started days ago and come up with my own verbiage, per my usual approach. In the section of articles, I have put in bold the terms that have subsequent articles. In the last On This Day section, I am merely highlighting the significant items so it’s easier for you to skim over things without having necessarily to read them. (I figure you’ll either be tired or bored, or both, by then. See? I’m always thinking of you.) I mean, let's be real, I can't even promise you I've read the whole thing.

May Day

May Day is a public holiday usually celebrated on May 1^st. It is an ancient Northern Hemisphere spring festival and a traditional spring holiday in many cultures. Dances, singing, and cake are usually part of the festivities. In the late 19th century, May Day was chosen as the date for International Workers' Day by the Socialists and Communists of the Second International to commemorate the Haymarket affair in Chicago. International Workers' Day can also be referred to as "May Day", but it is a different celebration from the traditional May Day.

The earliest known May celebrations appeared with the Floralia, festival of Flora, the Roman goddess of flowers, held on April 27^th during the Roman Republic era, and the Maiouma or Maiuma, a festival celebrating Dionysus and Aphrodite on an unknown date in May every three years. The Floralia opened with theatrical performances. In the Floralia, Ovid says that hares and goats were released as part of the festivities. Persius writes that crowds were pelted with vetches, beans, and lupins. A ritual called the Florifertum was performed on either April 27^th or May 3^rd, during which a bundle of wheat ears was carried into a shrine, though it is not clear if this devotion was made to Flora or Ceres. Floralia concluded with competitive events and spectacles, and a sacrifice to Flora.

Not this guy. Persius, not Perseus. (Better watch that blade, buddy.)

Nope, not this guy either.

According to the 6th century chronicles of John Malalas, the Maiouma was a "nocturnal dramatic festival, held every three years and known as Orgies, that is, the Mysteries of Dionysus and Aphrodite" and that it was "known as the Maioumas because it is celebrated in the month of May-Artemisios". During this time, enough money was set aside by the government for torches, lights, and other expenses to cover a thirty-day festival of "all-night revels." The Maiouma was celebrated with splendorous banquets and offerings. Its reputation for licentiousness caused it to be suppressed during the reign of Emperor Constantine, though a less debauched version of it was briefly restored during the reigns of Arcadius and Honorius, only to be suppressed again during the same period.

[Maioumas and orgies. Not going there. You’ll have to read up on that on your own.]

A later May festival celebrated in Germanic countries, Walpurgis Night, commemorates the official canonization of Saint Walpurga on May 1^st, 870. In Gaelic culture, the evening of April 30^th was the celebration of Beltane (which translates to "lucky fire"), the start of the summer season. First attested in 900 AD, the celebration mainly focused on the symbolic use of fire to bless cattle and other livestock as they were moved to summer pastures. This custom continued into the early 19th century, during which time cattle would be made to jump over fires to protect their milk from being stolen by fairies. People would also leap over the fires for luck.

Since the 18th century, many Roman Catholics have observed May – and May Day – with various May devotions to the Blessed Virgin Mary In works of art, school skits, and so forth, Mary's head will often be adorned with flowers in a May crowning. May 1^st s also one of two feast days of the Catholic patron saint of workers St Joseph the Worker, a carpenter, husband to Mother Mary, and surrogate father of Jesus. Replacing another feast to St. Joseph, this date was chosen by Pope Pius XII in 1955 as a counterpoint to the communist International Workers Day celebrations on May Day.

The best known modern May Day traditions, observed both in Europe and North America, include dancing around the maypole and crowning the Queen of May. Fading in popularity since the late 20th century is the tradition of giving of "May baskets," small baskets of sweets or flowers, usually left anonymously on neighbours' doorsteps.

In the late 20th century, many neopagans began reconstructing some of the older pagan festivals and combining them with more recently developed European secular and Catholic traditions, and celebrating May Day as a pagan religious festival.

International Workers' Day

Vienna, Austria, 2013

International Workers' Day, also known as Workers' Day, Labour Day in some countries and often referred to as May Day, is a celebration of labourers and the working classes that is promoted by the international labour movement which occurs every year on May Day (May 1^st), an ancient European spring festival.

The date was chosen by a pan-national organization of socialist and communist political parties to commemorate the Haymarket affair, which occurred in Chicago on May 4, 1886. The 1904 Sixth Conference in Amsterdam of the Second International (an organisation of socialist and labour parties formed in Paris on July 14, 1889 and dissolved in 1916), called on "all Social Democratic Party organisations and trade unions of all countries to demonstrate energetically on the First of May for the legal establishment of the 8-hour day, for the class demands of the proletariat, and for universal peace."

The first of May is a national, public holiday in many countries across the world, in most cases as "Labour Day", "International Workers' Day" or some similar name – although some countries celebrate a Labour Day on other dates significant to them, such as the United States, which celebrates Labor Day on the first Monday of September.

Labor Day

Labor Day in the United States of America is a public holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It honors the American labor movement and the contributions that workers have made to the strength, prosperity, laws, and well-being of the country. It is the Monday of the long weekend known as Labor Day Weekend. It is recognized as a federal holiday.

Beginning in the late 19th century, as the trade union and labor movements grew, trade unionists proposed that a day be set aside to celebrate labor. "Labor Day" was promoted by the Central Labor Union and the Knights of Labor, which organized the first parade in New York City. In 1887, Oregon was the first state of the United States to make it an official public holiday. By the time it became an official federal holiday in 1894, thirty states in the United States officially celebrated Labor Day.

The Haymarket affair

This 1886 engraving was the most widely reproduced image of the Haymarket Affair. It shows Methodist pastor Samuel Fielden speaking, the bomb exploding, and the riot beginning simultaneously; in reality, Fielden had finished speaking before the explosion.

The Haymarket affair (also known as the Haymarket massacre, Haymarket riot, or Haymarket Square riot) was the aftermath of a bombing that took place at a labor demonstration on May 4, 1886 at Haymarket Square in Chicago. It began as a peaceful rally in support of workers striking for an eight-hour work day, the day after police killed eight workers. An unknown person threw a dynamite bomb at the police as they acted to disperse the meeting, and the bomb blast and ensuing gunfire resulted in the deaths of seven police officers and at least four civilians; dozens of others were wounded.

In the internationally publicized legal proceedings that followed, eight anarchists were convicted of conspiracy. The evidence was that one of the defendants may have built the bomb, but none of those on trial had thrown it. Seven were sentenced to death and one to a term of 15 years in prison. Illinois governor Richard J. Oglesby commuted two of the sentences to terms of life in prison; another committed suicide in jail rather than face the gallows. The other four were hanged on November 11, 1887. In 1893, Illinois Governor John Peter Altgeld pardoned the remaining defendants and criticized the trial.

The Haymarket Affair is generally considered significant as the origin of International Workers' Day held on May 1^st.

The Floralia

Triumph of Flora by Tiepolo (ca. 1743), a scene based on Ovid's description of the Floralia

The Floralia was a festival in ancient Roman religious practice in honor of the goddess Flora, held April 27^th during the Republican era, or April 28^th in the Julian calendar. The festival included Ludi Florae, the "Games of Flora" which lasted for six days under the empire.

The festival had a licentious, pleasure-seeking atmosphere. In contrast to many festivals which had a patrician character, the games of Flora were plebeian in nature.

Walpurgis Night

Walpurgisnacht at the open-air theatre in Heidelberg

Walpurgis Night, an abbreviation of Saint Walpurgis Night (from the German Sankt Walpurgisnacht), also known as Saint Walpurga's Eve (alternatively spelled Saint Walburga's Eve), is the eve of the Christian feast day of Saint Walpurga, an 8th-century abbess in Francia, and is celebrated on the night of April 30^th and the day of May 1^st. This feast commemorates the canonization of Saint Walpurga and the movement of her relics to Eichstätt, both of which occurred on May 1, 870.

Saint Walpurga was hailed by the Christians of Germany for battling "pest, rabies and whooping cough, as well as against witchcraft." In Germanic folklore, Hexennacht (Dutch: heksennacht), literally "Witches' Night", was believed to be the night of a witches' meeting on the Brocken, the highest peak in the Harz Mountains, a range of wooded hills in central Germany between the rivers Weser and Elbe. Christians prayed to God through the intercession of Saint Walpurga in order to protect themselves from witchcraft, as Saint Walpurga was successful in converting the local populace to Christianity.[10] In parts of Christendom, people continue to light bonfires on Saint Walpurga's Eve in order to ward off evil spirits and witches. Others have historically made Christian pilgrimages to Saint Walburga's tomb in Eichstätt on the Feast of Saint Walburga, often obtaining vials of Saint Walburga's oil.

Local variants of Walpurgis Night are observed throughout Northern- and Central Europe in the Netherlands, Germany, the Czech Republic, Slovenia, Sweden, Norway, Lithuania, Latvia, Finland, and Estonia. In Denmark, the tradition with bonfires to ward off the witches is observed as Saint John's Eve.

Beltane

A Beltane bonfire on Calton Hill in Edinburgh

Beltane or Beltain is the Gaelic May Day festival. Most commonly it is held on May 1^st, or about halfway between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. Historically, it was widely observed throughout Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man. In Irish the name for the festival day is Lá Bealtaine, in Scottish Gaelic Là Bealltainn, and in Manx Gaelic Laa Boaltinn/Boaldyn. It is one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals—along with Samhain, Imbolc and Lughnasadh—and is similar to the Welsh Calan Mai.

Beltane is mentioned in some of the earliest Irish literature and is associated with important events in Irish mythology. Also known as Cétshamhain ("first of summer"), it marked the beginning of summer and was when cattle were driven out to the summer pastures. Rituals were performed to protect the cattle, crops and people, and to encourage growth. Special bonfires were kindled, and their flames, smoke and ashes were deemed to have protective powers. The people and their cattle would walk around or between bonfires, and sometimes leap over the flames or embers. All household fires would be doused and then re-lit from the Beltane bonfire. These gatherings would be accompanied by a feast, and some of the food and drink would be offered to the aos sí. Doors, windows, byres and livestock would be decorated with yellow May flowers, perhaps because they evoked fire. In parts of Ireland, people would make a May Bush: typically a thorn bush or branch decorated with flowers, ribbons, bright shells and rushlights. Holy wells were also visited, while Beltane dew was thought to bring beauty and maintain youthfulness. Many of these customs were part of May Day or Midsummer festivals in other parts of Great Britain and Europe.

Beltane celebrations had largely died out by the mid-20th century, although some of its customs continued and in some places it has been revived as a cultural event. Since the late 20th century, Celtic neopagans and Wiccans have observed Beltane, or something based on it, as a religious holiday. Neopagans in the Southern Hemisphere often celebrate Beltane at the other end of the year (around November 1^st).

Interesting, isn't it? How the anti-witch Walpurgis Night and the Wiccan Beltane are observed in similar fashion...

May Crowning

Virgo by Josef Moroder-Lusenberg

May devotions to the Blessed Virgin Mary refer to special Marian devotions held in the Catholic Church during the month of May honoring the Virgin Mary as "the Queen of May". These services may take place inside or outside. A "May Crowning" is a traditional Roman Catholic ritual that occurs in the month of May.

A number of traditions link the month of May to Mary. Alfonso in the 13th century wrote in his Cantigas de Santa Maria about the special honoring of Mary during specific dates in May. Eventually, the entire month was filled with special observances and devotions to Mary.

The origin of the conventional May devotion is still relatively unknown. Herbert Thurston identifies the seventeenth century as the earliest instance of the adoption of the custom of consecrating the month of May to the Blessed Virgin by special observances. It is certain that this form of Marian devotion began in Italy. Around 1739, witnesses speak of a particular form of Marian devotion in May in Grezzano near Verona. In 1747 the Archbishop of Genoa recommended the May devotion as a devotion for the home. Specific prayers for them were promulgated in Rome in 1838.

According to Frederick Holweck, the May devotion in its present form originated at Rome where Father Latomia of the Roman College of the Society of Jesus, to counteract infidelity and immorality among the students, made a vow at the end of the eighteenth century to devote the month of May to Mary. From Rome the practice spread to the other Jesuit colleges and thence to nearly every Catholic church of the Latin rite. In Rome by 1813, May devotions were held in as many as twenty churches. From Italy, May devotions soon spread to France. In Belgium, the May devotions, at least as a private devotion, were already known by 1803. The tradition of honoring Mary in a month-long May devotion spread eventually around the Roman Catholic world in the 19th century together with a month-long devotion to Jesus in June and the Rosary in October.

The May Queen

A May Queen of New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada circa 1877

The May Queen or Queen of May is a personification of the May Day holiday, and of springtime and also summer. The May Queen is a girl who must ride or walk at the front of a parade for May Day celebrations. She wears a white gown to symbolise purity and usually a tiara or crown. Her duty is to begin the May Day celebrations. She is generally crowned by flowers and makes a speech before the dancing begins. Certain age-groups dance round a Maypole celebrating youth and the spring time.

James George Frazer speculated that the figure of the May Queen was linked to ancient tree worship.

In the High Middle Ages in England the May Queen was also known as the "Summer Queen". George C. Homans points out: "The time from Hocktide, after Easter Week, to Lammas (August 1^st) was summer (estas)."

In 1557, a London diarist called Henry Machyn wrote:

"The xxx day of May was a goly May-gam in Fanch-chyrchestrett with drumes and gunes and pykes, and ix wordes dyd ryd; and thay had speches evere man, and the morris dansse and the sauden, and an elevant with the castyll, and the sauden and yonge morens with targattes and darttes, and the lord and the lade of the Maye".

[I’m glad they included the original text so we can see that today’s English isn’t as bad as we think it is. Luckily for us though they provided a translation.]

Modern English: On the 30^th day of May was a jolly May-game in Fenchurch Street (London) with drums and guns and pikes, The Nine Worthies did ride; and they all had speeches, and the morris dance and sultan and an elephant with a castle and the sultan and young moors with shields and arrows, and the lord and lady of the May".

Morris dancers with handkerchiefs, Tim Green from Bradford, 23 April 2016

Many areas keep this tradition alive today. The oldest unbroken tradition is Hayfield, Derbyshire, based on a much older May Fair. Another notable event includes the one in the Brentham Garden Suburb, England which hosts it annually. It has the second oldest unbroken tradition although the May Queen of All London Festival at Hayes Common in Bromley is a close contender having been in existence for 105 years as of 2017. A May Day festival is held on the village green at Aldborough, North Yorkshire on a site that dates back to Roman times and the settlement of Isurium Brigantum. A May queen is selected from a group of 13 upward girls by the young dancers. She returns the next year to crown the new May Queen and stays in the procession. The largest event in this tradition in modern Britain is the Beltane Fire Festival in Edinburgh, Scotland.

A May Day celebration held annually since 1870 in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada has the distinction of being the longest running May Day celebration of its kind in the British Commonwealth.

Maypole

Dancing around the maypole, in Åmmeberg, Sweden

A maypole is a tall wooden pole erected as a part of various European folk festivals, around which a maypole dance often takes place.

The festivals may occur on May Day (May 1^st) or Pentecost (Whitsun), although in some countries it is instead erected at Midsummer. In some cases the maypole is a permanent feature that is only utilised during the festival, although in other cases it is erected specifically for the purpose before being taken down again.

Primarily found within the nations of Germanic Europe and the neighbouring areas which they have influenced, its origins remain unknown. It has often been speculated that the maypole originally had some importance in the Germanic paganism of Iron Age and early Medieval cultures, and that the tradition survived Christianisation, albeit losing any original meaning that it had; however, more recent scholarship has found that the custom of the maypole arose in the context of medieval Christian Europe. It has been a recorded practice in many parts of Europe throughout the Medieval and Early Modern periods, although it became less popular in the 18th and 19th centuries. Today, the tradition is still observed in some parts of Europe and among European communities in the Americas.

Giant Stride

Children enjoying a May Pole Dance, circa 1930s [May Pole, my ass; “Dance" is just as ludicrous.]

Now, when I was a student at Willis Campbell Elementary School in Cass City Michigan (late 60s, early 70s), in our playground—as in many playgrounds around the country—we had, along with the swings, slides, teeter-totters (or see-saws if you prefer), merry-go-rounds and monkey bars, a fiendish device called a Giant Stride, which was basically a high-speed, iron version of its quaint and pastoral cousin. Of course, in our neck of the woods the name had been corrupted to “The Strikes”. I am quite sure the name did not take long to devolve, because the object of the exercise was to use your own body to inflict as much damage upon all the rest as possible, “striking” them hard enough to make them use their grip and fly off into the sunset. And while it was possible to do this as a solo act, frequently we employed the help of a friend in a maneuver most comparable to a Whip in the Roller Derby world: two would join hands and one would fling the other at double speed around the pole. The flinger would generally be the smaller of the two, not being able to generally gather much speed on their own anyway, but very capable of propelling a lighter flingee. Due to the constant parade of injuries this attraction provided, the thing was eventually chained up, and I assume ultimately removed. We are a slow learning group though because it was in service for many a year before that.

Whip It , 2009, with Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore (also her directorial debut)

Some more Giant Stride photos from years gone by.

Another Giant Stride – at a playground in New York City, ca. 1910-1915. Source: Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division

Playgrounds, May Day, Glass negative, 1924 May. Source: Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division Washington

Giant Stride, The Royal Normal College for the Blind, England [Seriously? As if the game wasn’t sadistic enough on its own, they came up with this variation?]

"Swing" Angas, George French 1822-1886: The New Zealanders Illustrated, 1847. Source: Wikimedia Commons [Is this how swing dancing was invented?]

Playgrounds From the Past (1)

Playgrounds From the Past (2) [Somewhere an insurance company just shit itself a little. I can remember doing this.]

Old playground rocking 'horse' [Sure the other playground equipment might injure you, but these fuckers could kill you: NOTHING says instant death quicker than a spring-loaded, 100 pound piece of cast iron.]

A short article, “Fun-Filled Danger of the Giant Stride”, is here:

https://www.hhhistory.com/2017/09/fun-filled-danger-of-giant-stride.html

Maypo

Perhaps it was my earliest known pun. Alas that knowledge is lost to the mists of history. But for whatever reason, I cannot hear May Pole without recalling Maypo.

Maypo is a brand of instant maple-flavored oatmeal cereal. It was originally manufactured by Maltex Co. and is now owned by Homestat Farm, Ltd. It was best known for its television commercials with the catchphrase, "I Want My Maypo" by Marky Maypo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La1LLDVQ1e8

Maypo was developed by the Maltex Corporation in Burlington, Vermont, a company which had been manufacturing wheat and barley cereal since 1899 under the name Malted Cereals Company. The formula was invented in 1953 by Herbert A. Bahrenberg.

Shortly after the development of Maypo, Maltex was sold in 1956 and became a division of Heublein. By the mid-1960s its market share had declined and Maltex was sold to American Home Products. In 2001 Homestat Farm, Ltd. purchased Maypo.

The original "I Want My Maypo" ad was developed in 1956 by the Fletcher, Richards, Calkins & Holden Advertising Agency. The animation was created by John Hubley. The commercial, which appealed to children, increased sales on average 78%, with some markets increasing sales by 186%.

Maypo's later television ads sometimes featured athletes—including Mickey Mantle, Wilt Chamberlain and Johnny Unitas—crying "I want my Maypo!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0gz58TXgj4

If you think your cereal is expensive now, you ought to see how much vintage cereal memorabilia is going for these days.

MTV's "I want my MTV!" image and branding campaign in 1982 was based on the "I want my Maypo!" catchphrase; both were developed by George Lois.

"I Want My MTV" (Quick call the Police!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGZSWdh17l0

In 1985, Dire Straits gave a nod to the concept with Money For Nothing.

Mark Knopfler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAD6Obi7Cag

The song ran into some controversy years later in Canada due to a presumed Snowflake Sensitivity issue (snow in Canada?) but that went away. You can read about it here:

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/canada-lifts-ban-on-dire-straits-money-for-nothing-178222/

Marky Maypo

As a mascot, Marky Maypo needed to have a toy tie-in. And he got one. Here is the Marky Maypo bank.

Is it me, or does he remind you of a pornstar. With clothes.

Here he is in bed...

He's looking for his lost chastity.

Oh, don't worry, it gets worse.


He doesn't look happy about this.

At least he's smiling now.

Now that that humiliation is over, let's bear in mind this is a child's bank. Which means that eventually whatever small change goes into it, must at some point come out. To buy more cereal related toys. Here's how that happens.

Marky has what can only be described as a butt plug.

There's nearly a $20 difference in the two styles. I can only assume it has to do with the comfort level; rubber is softer than hard plastic. I think it's best if we ignore the fact the the rubber one looks like an inverted plunger, because that would no doubt impact the comfort level, if not his bowels.

At least he has a friend to share in his misery.

Vintage Cereal Tangent

As I was looking for Maypo images, I came across a few other cereals from those bygone days.

Dr. Who

Mr. Spock

So if you mix them together in the same bowl, you get Dr. Spock:

(I swear for the life of me, I thought that said "enema" at first.)

My trip down memory lane nearly complete, Google had to remind me that the Good Old Days weren't always so good. I didn't ask for these they just showed up in my search.

I can actally remember these.

Oh, hell no.
I thankfully do not remember any such product. In case the shock of the image has prevented you from reading any of the text, there are only two things I want to hightlight. The first is the not so subtle irony that Howdy's Honey, is "U.S. Fancy Extra White". The second is that it was a product from Ithaca Michigan. I know people from there. (You got some 'splainin' to do.)

Back to reality

This post is about May Day, remember? I haven't forgotten. As you well know I get side tracked from time to time. There are still a couple of observances to cover.

Loyalty Day

Loyalty Day is observed on May 1^st in the United States. It is a day set aside "for the reaffirmation of loyalty to the United States and for the recognition of the heritage of American freedom."

The holiday was first observed in 1921, during the First Red Scare. It was originally called "Americanization Day," and it was intended to replace the May 1 ("May Day") celebration of the International Workers' Day, which commemorates the 1886 Haymarket affair in Chicago.

During the Second Red Scare, it was recognized by the U.S. Congress on April 27, 1955, and made an official reoccurring holiday on July 18, 1958 (Public Law 85-529). President Dwight D. Eisenhower proclaimed May 1, 1955, the first observance of Loyalty Day. In 1958, Eisenhower urged Congress to move Child Health Day to the First Monday in October, to avoid conflicting with Loyalty Day. Loyalty Day has been recognized with an official proclamation every year by every president since its inception as a legal holiday in 1958.

Child Health Day

Child Health Day (Pub.L. 105–225, 112 Stat. 1255) is a United States Federal Observance Day observed on the first Monday in October.

According to 36 U.S.C. § 105, on Child Health Day the president invites "all agencies and organizations interested in child welfare to unite on Child Health Day in observing exercises that will make the people of the United States aware of the fundamental necessity of a year-round program to protect and develop the health of the children of the United States. "The holiday was enacted by Congress in 1928, and was first celebrated on May 1, 1929

In 2017 President Donald Trump proclaimed Child Health Day to be October 2. [Kinda unnecessary, I guess, since it already was Child Health Day.]

Mayday

“’Mayday Means Help!’ — a reminder from the June/July 1940 National Radio News. Note the pilot’s microphone, his airplane’s broken wings and propeller, and the sharks circling in the water!”

Mayday is an emergency procedure word used internationally as a distress signal in voice-procedure radio communications.

It is used to signal a life-threatening emergency primarily by aviators and mariners, but in some countries local organizations such as firefighters, police forces, and transportation organizations also use the term. The call is always given three times in a row ("Mayday mayday mayday") to prevent its being mistaken for some similar-sounding phrase under noisy conditions, and to distinguish an actual mayday call from a message about a mayday call.

The "mayday" procedure word was originated in 1923, by a senior radio officer at Croydon Airport in London. The officer, Frederick Stanley Mockford, was asked to think of a word that would indicate distress and would easily be understood by all pilots and ground staff in an emergency. Since much of the traffic at the time was between Croydon and Le Bourget Airport in Paris, he proposed the expression "mayday" from the French m'aider ('help me'), a shortened form of venez m'aider ('come and help me'). It is unrelated to the holiday May Day.

Before the voice call "mayday", SOS was the Morse code equivalent of the mayday call. In 1927, the International Radiotelegraph Convention of Washington adopted the voice call mayday as the radiotelephone distress call in place of the SOS radiotelegraph (Morse code) call.

Other May Day remembrances

Bloody May

“On Berlin’s May Day 1929, the latent hostility between Social Democrats and Communists finally spilled over into bloodshed. A day meant to demonstrate workers’ unity instead showed tragic divisions in the face of rising Nazism.” The rest of the article is here:

https://www.jacobinmag.com/2019/05/may-day-bloody-may-day

A police cycle patrol guarding one of Berlin's barricaded streets, 1929. Keystone / Getty

Black Monday happened just under 6 months later on October 24, 1929, rendering the whole thing moot. Almost. There was that whole WWII thing that happened after…

Meanwhile, in Israel, May Day had plenty of ups and downs. Interesting article that gives a little perspective on the flux of Arab-Israeli relations over the years:

https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-the-rise-and-fall-of-israel-s-may-day-1.7187463

A quick tour of what’s going on right now all over the world:

http://www.startribune.com/the-latest-may-day-german-unions-urge-against-nationalism/509309371/

There are a couple of marches planned in Seattle:

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/annual-may-day-march-to-wind-through-seattle-streets-wednesday/

Cynthia Ruiz, at center wearing white, and Alissica Cortes, at center wearing black, participate in the 19th annual March for Immigrant and... (Erika Schultz / The Seattle Times)

And France is trying to keep things peaceful. They’re still not over the Notre Dame fire, after all.

https://www.france24.com/en/20190430-high-security-france-may-day-protests-paris

In pictures: May Day celebrated around the world

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-48118649

The BBC has a bit of their tongue in their cheek with this article. Four of the twelve pictures have to do with celebrations; the remaining eight are “celebrations” disguised as rallies, protests, and conflicts.

On This Day

Lastly, on this day in history. I have left out the lion’s share, believe me.

Events

1776 Adam Weishaupt founds secret society of Illuminati [and the granddaddy of all conspiracy theories was born.]

1786 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's opera "Marriage of Figaro" premieres in Vienna with Mozart himself directing

1884 Construction begins on Chicago's 1st skyscraper (10 stories) [I’m only including this one as a point of comparison to the one after the next one.]

1930 The planet Pluto is officially named by 11 year-old Venetia Burney [We all know this did not end well for Pluto.]

1931 Empire State Building opens in New York City [Two years later, King Kong falls for a dame.]

1939 Batman first appears in Detective Comics #27

1941 "Citizen Kane", directed by Orson Welles and starring himself, Joseph Cotten and Dorothy Corningore, premieres at the Palace Theater in New York City

1941 General Mills introduces CheeriOats (renamed Cheerios in 1945) an oat-based, ready-to-eat cold cereal [Not more cereal...]

1943 Food rationing begins in the United States during World War II [General Mills couldn’t keep up with the Cheerio demand.]

1952 Mr Potato Head introduced

1955 Showgirl Linda Lawson is crowned "Miss-Cue" in the Atomic Pageant, after the Operation Cue test is repeatedly delayed by high winds [What better way to celebrate the idea we now had the ability to blow up the world?]

Miss-Cue (Yes, that's a mushroom cloud on her head. We weren't doing Duck and Cover yet.)

1961 1st US airplane hijacked to Cuba [This would have been a regular meme back in the day if we only had memes.]

1961 Fidel Castro announces there will be no more elections in Cuba [Kind of a hardball response to the hijacking, don’t you think?]

1961 Pulitzer prize awarded to Harper Lee for her novel "To Kill a Mockingbird"

1999 Animated series "SpongeBob SquarePants", created by Stephen Hillenburg, debuts on Nickelodeon

Birthdays

1852 Calamity Jane [Martha Jane Canary], American frontierswoman, born in Princeton, Missouri (d. 1903)

1907 Kate Smith, American singer (God Bless American), born in Greenville, Virginia (d. 1986)

1913 Louis Nye, American comedian and actor (Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Steve Allen Plymouth Show), born in Hartford, Connecticut (d. 2005) [No relation to Bill Nye the Science Guy.]

1916 Glenn Ford, Canadian-American actor (Cade's County, Big Heat, Midway), born in Sainte-Christine-d'Auvergne, Quebec, Canada (d. 2006) [Did you know he was Canadian?]

1918 Jack Paar, American television host of the Jack Paar Show (d. 2004), born in Canton, Ohio

1939 Judy Collins, singer (Send in the Clowns, Clouds), born in Seattle, Washington [And still killing it.]

1950 Dann Florek, American actor (Law & Order), born in Flat Rock, Michigan [Local boy makes good.]

1954 Ray Parker Jr, rock guitarist/vocalist (Ghostbusters), born in Detroit, Michigan

1961 Marilyn Milian, current judge on The People's Court [So much hotter than Judge Wapner or Ed Koch.]

Death came calling for these folks

1471 Thomas a Kempis, spiritual writer (Navolging of Christ), dies at 91

1539 Isabella of Portugal, queen of Spain and empress of Germany (b. 1503) [She’s the one who had a thing for Columbus; weird to think how many of us wouldn’t be here if not for that.]

1873 David Livingstone, British physician/explorer (Africa), dies at 60 [You know—I presume—this guy:

1904 Antonín Dvořák, Czech composer (Slavic Dancing, New World Symphony), dies at 62

1945 Joseph Goebbels, German Nazi Minister of Propaganda, commits suicide aged 47 with his wife (43) and arranges the death of their 6 children, Heidrun (4), Hedwig (6), Holdine (8), Helmut (9), Hildegard (11), and Helga (12) [What kind of demon mind becomes a family annihilator after they’re dead? I don’t think Satan even had a room set up for that kind of evil.]

1965 Spike Jones [Lindley Armstrong Jones], American bandleader (Der Fueher's Face, Cocktails For Two), dies from emphysema at 53 [The Weird Al of his day. Sort of.]

1978 Aram Katchaturian, Russian composer (The Earth), dies at 74 [Did not like the nickname “Chicken” for some reason.]

1997 Bebe, AKA Flipper, dolphin, dies at 40

1998 Eldridge Cleaver, American activist (b. 1935)

2000 Stephen "Steve" Reeves, American professional bodybuilder, actor, and philanthropist (Hercules, Goliath, Sandokan), dies from a blood clot at 74 [The definitive Hercules. He just had “The Look”.]

2015 Grace Lee Whitney, American singer and actress (Yeoman Rand-Star Trek), dies at 85 [I always wished she had been on the show longer.]

2017 Stan Weston, American toy licensing agent, had concept for G.I. Joe, dies at 84

Weddings

1850 Soldier William Tecumseh Sherman (30) weds Eleanor Boyle Ewing in Washington, D.C.

1881 Physiologist Ivan Pavlov (32) weds Seraphima Karchevskaya

1954 Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos (36) weds Imelda Romualdez (24) in a Catholic church [Shoe businesses worldwide nearly collapsed when she died.]

1967 King of Rock and Roll Elvis Presley (32) weds actress Priscilla Beaulieu (21) at Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada [Simply no other venue would do.]

1982 Actress Kate Jackson (33) weds business executive David Greenwald in Beverly Hills, California [On this list because she’s Kate.]

1991 Actor Robert Duvall weds Sharon Brophy

1996 Actress and talk show host Kelly Ripa (26) weds film actor Mark Consuelos (25) in Las Vegas [Not at all sure why she’s on the list. Especially without Regis.]

1998 "Reality Bites" actor Ethan Hawke (27) weds "Pulp Fiction" actress Uma Thurman (28)

1998 Professional Cyclist [and Drug Cheat] Lance Armstrong weds Kristin Richard (divorced 2003) [The drug cheat reference does not appear in the text: but whoever compiled the list added it as part of the image name they used. Too priceless not to include it here.]

1999 "Dixie Chicks" singer Emily Erwin (26) weds singer-songwriter Charlie Robison (34) at Lone Star State in Texas

1999 "As Good As It Gets" actor Greg Kinnear (35) weds British model Helen Labdon (29)

2010 Actor-producer Seth Green (36) weds actress Clare Grant (30) at George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch in Nacasio, California [The Nerd runs deep with this one.]

Divorced

1978 Actress and model Bianca Jagger files for divorce from Rolling Stone rocker Mick Jagger after 7 years of marriage on the grounds of his adultery with model Jerry Hall

If you want the comprehensive run down, go here:

https://www.onthisday.com/

Well, there you have it. May Day is quite a day. After this, I’m gonna need the next three days to recover before Cinco de Mayo.

Why are food memories so strong?

2019-02-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

Do you ever remember a specific food and the very first time you tried it? I have a top ten list that comes to mind (listed in the order I remembered them), although if I tried hard I’m sure I could come up with more.

Ice Cream Sundae

Not just any ice cream sundae: THE ice cream sundae. On a weekend shopping trip to the big city (Bay City, MI), one of the stops was the downtown Sears store, which had a small coffee shop, on the second floor as I remember. It was here as a young boy that I was introduced to perfection. It is also where I was introduced to butterscotch, which to this day is my favorite flavor in the whole wide world. Sadly the store closed down just a few years ago.

The downtown Sears store circa late 50s, early 60s.

https://www.mlive.com/news/bay-city/index.ssf/2015/01/as_sears_prepares_to_closes_pa.html

Jan and Bob Shea in the Sears coffee shop in ’68. A workplace romance reminiscent of Toni and me. (See article)

Lobster

I was 12 when my mother took me visit my cousin Gerhard in DC (actually he lived in Alexandria, VA, but it will always be known as the Washington trip). One evening we went to a restaurant and since the whole trip was an adventure, I was gonna be brave and try the lobster. I never looked back. Dipping that sweet white meat into the salty melted butter is still a taste I can bring to mind with no effort at all.

A great trip I will always remember.

My cousin Gerhard, a most excellent host.

https://www.facebook.com/gerhard.dreo

Steak (#1)

At the age of 8, my mom took me to visit friends and relatives in California, but if we’re being honest here, we were there to visit Disneyland. While we were there, we visited Uncle Philip and Aunt Barbara. We were treated to the most perfectly char grilled steak I have ever eaten. I also remember a walk along the beach, but mostly steak.

Uncle Philip. I met him about 40 years before this picture; he would have been almost 10 years younger than I am now…And I learned things about him from his obituary that I didn't know before. Quite a fellow.

https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailybreeze/obituary.aspx?n=philip-leo-muelrath&pid=100919829

Life goals of an 8 year old: Met.

The beach in Torrance, CA. The endless Pacific Ocean before me, I still think I might have chosen the steak.

Our hosts in Torrance for the extent of our stay, Wendel and Franziska Mergel about 1980; one of the most gracious couples I have ever known. Even more remarkable because of their story, which in many ways paralleled that of my own family.

https://www.franziskahaus.com/blog/2017/11/21/the-journey-that-became-the-franziska-haus-bed-breakfast

While visiting the out west, I—at the ripe old age of 8—fell head over heels in love with a girl 2 years younger than me: Wendel and Franzi’s granddaughter, Brigitte. In looking her up 50 years later, I have found that she has led an extraordinarily successful life along with her husband (below are links to her B&B, her LinkedIn page of accomplishments, and a newspaper article about her husband), and I wish her all the best. It is she who wrote the short biography of her grandparents.

https://www.franziskahaus.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/brigitte-hoss-b5082736/

Clark Hoss. I never met the man. He seems like a stand up guy. He better take good care of my girlfriend…

https://pamplinmedia.com/wlt/109-education/126326-hoss-retires-after-37-years

Pizza (#1)

Pizza was the new kid in town when I was growing up; not many places offered it. And in a small town like Cass City, it was remarkable there was even one. Sherman’s Restaurant at the eastern edge of town just before you got to the Elkland Cemetery (the site of the restaurant is now a funeral home). It was the only pizza I knew besides Chef Boy-Ar-Dee until junior high/high school when Beagios Restaurant and the Charmont bowling alley started serving it.

Erika Sherman. There’s a weird kind of irony that her funeral was held on the very site where she spent so many years of her life.

https://obittree.com/obituary/us/michigan/cass-city/kranz-funeral-home/erika-sherman/1374678/

I loved this stuff. But beating the dough by hand about wore my mom out. Seems like once I was old enough to take over that duty we had it less often.

Beer

Closely associated with the pizza is the only beverage that should ever be paired with it. Thanks to my European upbringing, alcohol was not denied to the only minor in the house, merely limited. I had wine with Sunday dinner, brandy on special occasions, and beer with my pizza. (We won’t discuss how much beer I drank at the several hundred family weddings I attended...) Mom was the only one in the family with a taste for beer (and we called ourselves “Germans”...Hah!), and her choice was Stroh’s, the closest thing to German beer we could get. I can still taste it.

Not me drinking not beer.

Pizza (#2) - College means many things to many people. For me it was the discovery of Dominos Pizza. Much is made of how Tom Monahan revolutionized the industry, but I’m here to tell you he couldn’t have done it without me (it wasn’t the Noid as many believe). A small pepperoni and 4 Domino cups of Pepsi got me through many an all-nighter. And just through life in general...

Domino’s trying to keep up with all my orders.

Possibly one of the most anNOIDing product mascots ever.

And then of course the famous 30 minutes or less guarantee:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/mush-vroom-pizza/

Arby’s

On another excursion to Bay City took us to K-Mart way on the west side of town. For a long time, Mr. Hot Dog was the only eatery mildly interesting to my young boy’s mind (if only because Mr. Hot Dog on TV’s Hoss and Stuff—with Daddy Cool—was also the weatherman on Channel 5, Jim Peyton, who drew cartoons while he did the weather). Then one day there was an Arby’s. A regular Arby’s cost 69 cents (twice a McDonald’s burger) and I could easily pack away 2 of them. With their special sauces and Jomocha shakes...mmmm.

Not the one we went to but, like McDonalds, they all looked alike.

Try as I might, I could not find any pictures of the original restaurant with it’s hysterical Mr. Hot Dog sign. Here’s what it looks like now.

https://www.mlive.com/entertainment/bay-city/index.ssf/2012/04/although_last_remaining_mr_hot.html

Jim Peyton in serious mode:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnN5XNTJxRo

Hoss, “Mr. Hot Dog” himself, and Daddy Cool, whose nose was a hot dog. But no Stuff.

http://ericcarmen.com/forums/index.php?/topic/31757-the-other-hoss/

Here’s Stuff:

https://www.facebook.com/138684139551691/posts/who-remembers-chuck-waters-an-early-broadcaster-on-wnem-tv-5-he-was-the-master-o/1093121424107953/

Steak (#2) - Every Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, sometimes Easter, and sometimes just because, the family would pack up and go to Frankenmuth to the Bavarian Inn for a taste of back home. So while the rest of the family enjoyed their particular German favorites, I invariably had the same thing: a bowl of their chicken soup followed by a nice juicy steak. While it wasn’t as good as Uncle Philip’s, it was as close as it could get. My desert choice? Duh, a butterscotch sundae. The steak and ice cream always had little plastic animals stuck in them which I dutifully collected, and the wine was served in super cool upside down decanters.

The “World Famous” Bavarian Inn in Frankenmuth with the Glockenspiel in the middle. My grandfather got a lot of mileage out of explaining to people that if the town was really Bavarian, it would have been named, “Bayernmuth”. So now you know.

Some of the little plastic doohickeys they put on the food.

Decanter for serious wine connoisseurs only. Or serious wine drinkers.

Gyros and Greek Salad

College. I was in a cosmopolitan town now, baby, and needed to try all those things that a small town in the Thumb of Michigan couldn’t offer. My cultural exploration landed me at the Parthenon Restaurant on the corner of Main and Liberty, the pinnacle of civilization. Well at least to an 18 year old rube like me. Was it the lamb, the pita, the tzatziki? It was all of it.

John and Steve Gavas, owners of the Parthenon.

http://www.annarbor.com/business-review/the-parthenon-restaurant-in-downtown-ann-arbor-to-close-march-31-following-sale/

French Dip/Nachos Supreme (tie)

As my bar hopping abilities increased, my friends and I happened upon Herc’s Beef and Spirits, where we did our best to ingratiate ourselves with the owner, the bartenders, and the waitresses. I have nothing but fond memories of the place and was sad to hear it closed. (“Luckily” I discovered Banfields...) Herc’s had a great menu (and Centipede and Frogger video games, too), but my standout memories are of the Dip and the Nachos. Generous portions of delicious, real food.

The only image of anything Herc related to be found is this matchbook cover.

Banfield’s as it looked 35 years ago.

Banfield’s as it looks today.

The two things that I notice about this list are that they are event based, not merely food based, diversions from the usual fare; and that in each case, they set a standard to which all that followed would be compared, but never matched. I understand that’s how both golf and heroin work.

How about you? What does your list look like? Let’s all get hungry together!

ADDENDUM: If I could add an 11th, it would be a deep dish Cottage Inn Mediterranean Pizza. It doesn’t quite fit the criteria for this list because I do not recall the exact moment I first tried it (although the same holds true for Sherman’s pizza), but I do recall savoring every bite of my first one. Made with olive oil, topped with Feta cheese and banana pepper rings, with a sesame seed crust, it was something other than mere pizza.

Can we just talk about Tatiana Maslany for just a minute?

2019-01-31T07:05:00.000-05:00

[First off, thanks to Hannah Elliott for her unequivocal endorsement of Orphan Black this past Christmas when I was in search of a show to binge. And then, the standard disclaimer: there may be some spoilers here.]

Orphan Black is a Canadian program produced for BBC America. It has been categorized as science fiction, but it is so only in the broadest sense. Much, if not all, of the scientific developments presented in the show are based on currently existing technology. Any brush with true science fiction doesn’t really occur until we are about 4/5 of the way into the series and even then, it feels like it might be something that might come about sometime this week as opposed to hundreds of years out; the fiction of the science is merely that the things portrayed might not exist yet, but it’s because we simply not have done them yet, not because we are incapable of doing them.

The premise of the show revolves around a group of illegally cloned humans variously discovering who they are, while seeking a cure for their terminal, genetic illness and avoiding further experimentation. Along the way, the run afoul of corporate espionage, secret government conspiracies, paramilitary death squads, fanatic religious cults, and some very dark suburban shenanigans. It is filled with a huge cast of very well-rounded characters. Which brings us back to Tatiana Maslany.

Tatiana Maslany as Rachel, Alison, Sarah, Cosima, and Helena

All of the clones in the show, except for the child versions, are played by Maslany. There are five main clones in the story line, Sarah, Cosima, Alison, Helena, and Rachel, along with numerous others involved with important plot points along the way. Each of the clones has a very distinct personality, and since they have been brought up all over the world, different backgrounds and accents. The grand total of clones in the project is 274, although we are only made aware of 62 specific…er, specimens, either by name or as a group.

Each clone is superbly acted by Maslany. Taken individually, it would be easy to say, “Yeah, she’s a really good actress.” But when you consider that she’s being “really good” a dozen times over, there’s a cumulative effect that transforms her performance(s) into something outstanding. As I sat and watched, I constantly had to remind myself that this was the same actress, facial similarities notwithstanding. My favorite clone is whichever one happens to be on screen at the time. In 2014, The Guardian put it this way: “...Delivering one creditable performance for a show is tough enough, but Maslany nails several here, often appearing in scenes as multiple versions interacting seamlessly. This is Olympic-level, endurance acting.” Not bad for someone who was only 27 when she started the project.

The Clones: Sarah Manning, a con artist and thief from England; Helena, a highly disturbed assassin raised in a Ukrainian convent; Cosima Niehaus, a PhD student from California; Alison Hendrix, a suburban soccer mom from Ontario; Rachel Duncan, a high-ranking corporate official from England; Beth Childs, a police detective from Ontario; Krystal Goderitch, a somewhat superficial, salon worker from Ontario; "MK/Mika" Suominen, a very skilled hacker with Aspergers Syndrome from Finland; Tony Sawicki, a transgender criminal clone from Ohio; Katja Obinger from Germany; Jennifer Fitzsimmons, a dying teacher and swim coach originally from the Midwest but now in California; Niki, Aryanna, Janika, and Danielle (seen only in photos); and Charlotte Bowles, the eight-year-old sole survivor of 400 attempts to replicate Rachel, played by Cynthia Galant who also portrayed the clones as children in flashbacks. Not pictured: Camila Torres from Colombia.

The amazement meter cranks up still further when due to the plot’s twists and turns we get to see several of the clones pretending to be other clones. This happens at least a dozen times. Maslany has to act as a clone acting as another clone with enough nuance to pull off a charade believable to the other characters without letting the audience forget that it is a charade: a sufficient amount of the imposter’s character has to shine through without it becoming a caricature of either, except for Helena which is intentionally played for laughs. Additionally, Maslany voiced Pupok, a talking scorpion in Helena's hallucinations. Tatiana has been nominated for or won numerous awards for her work on this show (and others) and Orphan Black itself is no stranger to awards. I can see a bright future ahead for her.

[For the scorekeepers among you, Sarah has become six different clones (Beth, Rachel, Alison, Cosima, Krystal, and Katja), Helena has been three (Alison, Sarah, Beth), Rachel and Alison have each played Sarah, and Cosima was Alison. Looked at from the opposite direction, Alison has needed another clone to be her three times (Sarah, Helena, Cosima) as has Sarah (Helena, Rachel, Alison), Beth was substituted twice (Sarah, Helena), and Rachel, Cosima, Krystal, and Katja were each replaced once by Sarah. Alison and Rachel are the only two who have both played and been played by the same clone (Sarah), leaving Sarah the only one to have replaced and been replaced by the different clones (Alison, Rachel). I think that covers the permutations. (Pretty sure no one else cares, but it does point to the complexity of the Orphan Black world and the range of Maslany’s talent.)]

While the show by definition must live or die upon Tatiana’s performances, I would be falling down on the job if I failed to mention the rest of the cast and crew. Most obviously the hair, makeup, and costuming help the audience immediately distinguish which clone is which, the makeup being the most subtle because aside from Tatiana’s performance, it becomes the only other clue we have when one clone is acting as another. Okay, some are not so subtle, as in the case of MK’s burn scars, or Helena’s perpetually rosy eye shadow, there to remind us that whatever else is going on, she is still a crazed serial killer.

Maslany is surrounded by an incredibly capable cast who provide each of their characters with an air of credibility: you believe what you are seeing and hearing. Scenes are played out as if they were happening right in front of you. Humor, horror, and suspense are handled with an equally realistic approach, unlike the stylized “reality” of, say, a Quentin Tarrantino offering, which tends to remind you while you are watching that it is still only a movie. Orphan Black is more likely to immerse you into the unfolding story as a witness rather than an audience being told a story. It is a master work in storytelling.

Sarah, Alison, Helena, Cosima, and Rachel (again)

A large part of the overall illusion of the realism is especially evident when the clones need to interact with one another. It is impossible to see the seams. Sure, sometimes this achieved by simple split screen effects because the characters do not come into physical contact with one another, and other times by means of body doubles when one clone is seen only from behind. But in those moments when the clones are both fully visible and clearly in contact while in motion, I never once saw an indication there was any special effect in use. In a scene where Sarah is helping Helena to stand for instance, the hands that held onto each other were not artificially or awkwardly aligned, didn’t have a green screen flicker along their outlines. The production crew may not have invented or perfected the technology to make that happen, but their use of that technology is unrivaled. According the Orphan Black Wikipedia entry:

“In scenes in which Tatiana Maslany has multiple parts, the production films the scene multiple times with dolly-mounted motion control cameras that replicate the movement between each shot. This apparatus, the Technodolly, is referred to as the "Time Vampire" on the Orphan Black set, due to the amount of time multiple clone scenes take from the production schedule. In these scenes, Maslany first acts the scene with her body double Kathryn Alexandre in the alternate clone role, then alone in the same clone role, then alone in the alternate clone, and a fourth time with the scene filmed with just the camera motion for a background plate. Suspended tennis balls help Maslany retain the proper eye lines. In post-production, Alexandre and the tennis balls are replaced with the images of Maslany from the alternate shots, thereby allowing for more action in scenes where she interacts with herself. In the season 2 finale, when a dance party scene called for the presence of four different clones, two days of shooting and several additional body doubles were used to create the effect, and post-production work…is rumored to have taken hundreds of hours to complete.”

The dance scene in question takes up just over two minutes of screen time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsTc_o5ixU8

Kathryn Alexandre and Tatiana Maslany

The show has an enormous cult following and I can easily see why. The Wikipedia pages related to the show were obviously written by its fans as evidenced by the telltale warning associated with at least one of them: “This article's plot summary may be too long or excessively detailed. Please help improve it by removing unnecessary details and making it more concise. (July 2017)”

My binge watching sessions of Orphan Black were marred only by something that has nothing to do with the show itself. I watched the show on DirecTV’s BBC America on demand. Orphan Black has a total of 50 episodes, 10 for each of its 5 seasons. Only 47 of the episodes are nominally available on demand. Episodes 4 and 7 of season 1 and episode 9 of season 5 are simply absent from the lineup. I say “nominally” because one of the 47 remaining episodes is a mislabeled repeat of a previous episode (episode 6 of season 3 is actually episode 3 of the same season), so in actuality there are only 46 available for viewing. (Naturally, the mislabeled episode [would have] had a pivotal plot twist…) I’m not sure who dropped the ball, but someone certainly did. Either DirecTV only contracted for 47 of 50 episodes, or BBC America only delivered 47 episodes of the contracted 50. OR. Since we have evidence of a clerical/technical oversight/glitch in the mislabeled episode, it is very possible someone just forgot to load up the missing 3 episodes as well. Whatever the reason, only the viewer suffers when something like this occurs. Aside from these unexplained anomalies in programming, watching this remarkable show with such an astonishing young talent in the lead was an enjoyable diversion, made even more satisfying because the series was allowed to complete its full story arc without being canceled prematurely. I am only sorry I that I have waited so long.

In case you haven’t noticed, I kinda like the show and I think Tatiana Maslany is one of the finest actresses of our time.

My Gift to You

2018-12-22T09:48:00.000-05:00

Finding yourself in that last minute crunch to find gifts for that hard to buy for person in your life? Here are some inspirations to help you along.

Do you have that one absolutely useless coworker that you have no idea what to get for the holidays? Walmart has the perfect passive-aggressive answer: The Useless Box.

When you flip the switch on, a finger comes out of the box and flips the switch off. And where you usually find items in a variety of sizes and colors, Walmart offers a wide variety of prices for the same item, so buy the most expensive one to make them think you really care. I wouldn’t worry about the one star rating you see there; it was posted by Dontsupportbigbusiness on December 7, 2018, stating, “Not as discripted. Made in china but said it was from the USA.” in an obvious attempt at corporate sabotage by someone pretending to be a patriot but with a poor command of English grammar.

Nordstrom presented me with this ad of gifts for people you might actually care enough about to get more expensive items.

I must admit I was a bit alarmed by the extreme stiletto in the upper left corner until I clicked on the ad to find that it was actually a bottle of perfume. I can only hope that its scent is not that of a shoe. I am trying to think of anyone I know who would wear spike heels that is actually a “Good Girl”.

I also found the “Beanie” a curious item since the pom at the top is nearly as large as the hat itself. The item boasts the pom is genuine fox fur, which should have PETA screaming at their doorstep with buckets of faux blood, since the lopping off of foxtails might be considered animal cruelty, not to mention the picture at least makes it seem as though it comes from silver fox, which are quite rare in the wild but also raised in captivity for no other purpose. Perhaps they only shave the fur off the fox and painstakingly bind the individual hairs together to make the pom…

If you really are in the market for a pair of pumps and not just Eau de Shoe Sweat, Browns has what you need. At more than $2,000 you can hardly afford to pass them up.

“These black Balenciaga Knife 110 Spike patent leather pumps have been designed with exacting detail in Italy, crafted from leather, feature a pointed toe, ankle strap fastening, a 110 stiletto heel height, silver tone hardware and spike metal embellishment. These knife heels may hurt more than just your bank balance, sweetie, because with these ones you could really stab someone in the back (you got to them first even though you knew your bestie liked them). We suggest you wear your Balenciaga Knife 110 Spike patent leather pumps on a first date in Chelsea.

“Balenciaga contains the words 'big' and 'bang' which is quite funny for according to The Browns' History of Everything, life began when Browns bought Balenciaga for the first time.”

You would think a boutique selling high end stuff like this could afford a webmaster that could at the very least get more than half the company name to show in the banner of your web page. Perhaps it is a subtle dodge because of some other ad that stated things were half off at Browns.

The remainder of this list is dedicated to geek items, since that is where my heart is, and if you are reading this you should be expecting that if you know anything about me at all. First up, some Batman paraphernalia.

The Bradford Exchange has a number of nice pieces. (There is also a Batman and Robin piece, but I’m uncomfortable with that relationship and have chosen not to include it here.) These would make lovely additions to any Batcave (some people call them Mancaves, but we really know what’s going on here, don’t we?)

I want to take this opportunity to encourage you to click on the images to see enlarged versions of them, not only so that you might appreciate some of the finer details better, but also to avoid misconstruing some of the content. In viewing the smaller image of Batman and Catwoman above, I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking at regarding the upward angled object near Batman’s crotch. I was very relieved to find out that it is actually Catwoman’s belt, but I had to view a larger version of the image to ascertain this.

Even at the tender age of 6, when Batman ruled the universe (well, my universe anyway), I would have pondered homicide to obtain this bed from Wayfair had they existed back then.

Product Overview

“Even superheroes need a comfy place to sleep and the DC Comics Batman Twin Platform Bed from Delta Children is just right for the caped crusader in your life. Designed to add sleek style to any Bat-cave, this kids’ twin bed features a headboard and foot-board adorned with the Bat logo, graphics of the Gotham City skyline and 3D appliqué of Batman’s silhouette. What makes this twin bed for kids even more super? It is constructed with a sturdy wood frame and upholstered in a faux leather fabric to create a cozy and secure sleep space for your little vigilante.”

Features

· Holds up to 350 lbs [because he or she will still be using it when they are 30]

· Constructed with wood and faux leather

· Ultra-cool Batman graphics on the headboard and foot-board

· Easy assembly

Product Details

· Bed Size: Twin

· Product Type: Standard Bed

· Frame Material: Solid Wood

· Box Spring Required: No

· Box Spring Included: No (I’m glad they are not including an unnecessary box spring…)

· Assembly Required: Yes

Walmart has an item that I myself would be glad to receive as a present.

I am trying to figure out what the switch actually does: does a finger pop out of somewhere only to turn the switch off? In any case, it’s cheaper than the cheapest version of the Useless Box, and much more stylish.

Displate is a company that caters (mostly) to geeks with an artistic flair. Know a nerd with some blank wall space in their mother’s basement? Look no further.

Basically they are posters on metal. What’s kind of cool is that—if true—they plant 10 trees for every item purchased. Most of the posters come in 3 sizes: Medium (17.7'' x 12.6'') starting at $44, Large (26.6'' x 18.9'') starting at $89, and Extra Large (35.4'' x 25.2'') starting at $149. There are also some larger composite offerings. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

Among the DC Comics collection is this group of superhuman women done in the style of pinup girls of the past. I like them because they effectively capture the retro feel, and are sexy without being overly sexualized like the comics of more recent vintage.

One of the more fun pieces was Size Does matter by Grant Shepley, which apparently at one time came in a striking negative version.

Here is the clarified text:

1 RING BEARING HOBBIT: 3.5 feet tall & 75 lbs / 2 BILLIONAIRE HERO: 6 feet tall & 220 lbs / 3 SUPER HAIRY CO-PILOT: 7 feet tall & 350 lbs

4 ALIEN INSECTOID: 8 feet tall & 500 lbs / 5 ATOMIC PHYSICIST: 10 feet tall & 4,000 lbs / 6 TINY ARMED DINOSAUR: 18 feet tall & 14,000 lbs

7 TRANSFORMINING ROBOT/TRUCK: 23 feet tall & 40,000 lbs / 8 EMPIRE STATE CLIMBING APE: 27 feet tall & 25,000 lbs

9 MYTHICAL SEA CREATURE: 140 feet tall & 100,000 lbs / 10 TOKYO DESTROYING LIZARD: 150 feet tall & 500,000 lbs

A few of Shepley’s other works, including a few very clever visual puns (worth enlarging to figure them out, if you’re into that sort of thing…like me).

For the music lover, there are works by John Tibbott (The Sound of Silence) and Ricard Casillas (Love Music).

And for those who are passionate about their alcohol, Michael Richter has enough pieces from which to choose to suit any connoisseur.

One of the more creative artists simply goes by the name of Saqman. A sampling of my favorites, but he has many more:

(Please don’t make me explain the visual pun presented in the last one…)

Before moving away from Displate, I wanted to show you the most expensive one I could find on their website.

At the edge of the world by Jakub Rozalski, 72.64" x 52.17" selling for $585.00.

Wish.com often has very interesting artwork for geeks (as well as all kinds of unique products of all other sorts), but I question the value of this one.

It looks great in the picture, and the artwork is very well done indeed. The trouble is (and the price is a dead giveaway) the size: 10 cm X 15 cm =3.94 inches X 5.91 inches and 20 cm X 30 cm = 7.87 inches X 11.81 inches. That makes the “wall” of the art gallery in the picture only 2 feet tall, if we assume the larger version is on display. Kinda misleading. I also assume the $5 price tag is for the smaller version but didn’t check any further because of the disappointment. But I imagine that’s what being in love with Harley Quinn must be like. My guess is that if you want it to arrive by Christmas, the shipping cost would at least be double the price of the item. Just a guess, because again…disappointment prevented me from pursuing the relationship any further.

I cannot end this article without a quick stop at Sideshow Collectibles.

Now if any of you have an extra $1100 lying around that you have no idea what to do with and were wondering what to get me, I have a suggestion (don’t make me click the “Drop a Hint” button or your inbox will be flooded with offers from now until…) Sure, she’s a DC Comics female knockoff of the Punisher (right down to the origin story), but Frank Castle never looked like this.

If you don’t want to read the full description, here are the highlights:

Huntress

Limited Edition: 750 (Limit of one per person.)

$1,099 (From $123.63/mo with payment plan)

Est. Arrival: Spring 2020

Product Size: 32" H x 16.69" W x 14.60" D (812.8mm H x 423.93mm W x 370.84mm D)

Product Weight: 46.51 lbs (21.1 kg)

It seems incongruous to me, but a mere bust of Venom costs more than the Huntress sculpture. But I’m sure there’s a market for those who find him…attractive…?

(Seriously, can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night and having the Hulk, Deadpool (without his weirdo selfie friend), and/or Wolverine staring at you??)

The particulars:

Venom

Limited Edition

$1,195 (From $179.25/mo with payment plan)

Est. Arrival: Summer 2019

Product Size: 27.5" H x 16.5" W x 15" L (698.5mm H x 419.1mm W x 381mm L)

I have roasted the next item before on my Facebook page but it bears repeating here, especially now that there are two versions available for the avid collector for whom one is not enough. And I can prognosticate that more will become available over time since there are nearly as many versions of the armor as there are Avengers and X-Men combined.

8,000 bucks. Whew. With car payment size installments if you decide to go that route. And of course you would want to have it insured. I cannot imagine the depth of someone’s love for someone else to get this as a gift; it’s mind-boggling. I also do not know if I want to imagine the person who would buy one of these for themselves. A geek with that much money to blow? What else do they have in their possession? No, scratch that. I really don’t want to know.

Highlighted details for this pair (and yes they both light up):

Iron Man Mark 42 / Iron Man Mark III

Limited Time Offer

FREE U.S. Shipping [for $8,000 it’s the least they can do]

Life-Size Figure by Sideshow Collectibles

Prototype Shown

Limited Edition

$7,950 (From $715.50/mo with payment plan)

Est. Arrival: Winter 2018 / Est. Arrival: Spring 2019

Product Size: 84.625" H x 42.5" W x 42.5" L (2149.48mm H x 1079.5mm W x 1079.5mm L) [That’s right, folks: 7 feet tall!] / Product Size: 82.65" H x 42.5" W x 42.5" L (2099.31mm H x 1079.5mm W x 1079.5mm L) [Nearly 7 feet tall]

Product Weight: 137.00 lbs (62.14 kg) / Product Weight: 130.00 lbs (58.97 kg)*

Well, that brings up to the end of this little shopping trip. I hope it gave you some ideas.

Have the Happiest of Holidays!

Crawling under a rock and hopefully crawling back out

2018-08-30T16:53:00.000-04:00

There is something that happens to some people when they lose their significant other, perhaps more for those who enjoyed many years together, or whose love was particularly fierce. When the one whom they considered their "soul mate" suddenly is no more, you can see the life go out of the survivor. Not immediately--although it does for some--but slowly, over time, you can watch them waste away. Pining, we call it. Some will self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs. Some simply withdraw into themselves. They become that cranky old person, or the even more frightening quiet one that merely stares right through you. We seen countless versions of it in movies. We hear that it happens, but what I never hear about it how it happens. I'd like to take a moment to explain.

Some of you may already know this. Some of you may actually be experiencing this without realizing that it's going on. To a few of you this might be an alien concept; in that case, let this be a cautionary tale for you to take to heart and bring to bear if and when the time ever comes when you need it.

When your beloved dies, your whole world is thrown upside down. Suddenly, a new perspective is thrown upon you unbidden. Your priorities change. What seemed important yesterday seems trivial today. Does it really matter if your socks match? Who really cares? And if they do, maybe they are the one with the problem and not you. That's how it starts. You see someone getting upset over the smallest thing, and you think to yourself, "You think you have problems?? My wife/husband/fiance/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever just DIED!! What have you got to complain about? Someone accidentally bumped into you in the checkout line? Are you nuts? Lose someone you love and then come talk to me!" What happens is that the death (actually your grief over the death, but let's not split hairs) becomes the litmus test for every single social transaction we observe in life. Like I said, it can be a very slow process, but that is how it works. You hear about an argument, and you shake your head: if they only knew how unimportant that is. With the passage of time, more and more things are added to that list. Nothing can compare to the loss you feel. Until one day, you find out that everything else is trivial. All of it. It's all just noise and a waste of time. In the end, none of it matters.

And it applies to all aspects of life. Nothing is worth doing. Nothing is worth getting involved in. Nothing to get excited about. Nothing to care about. What's the point? This is when drinking and the drugs and the withdrawal kick in, or kick it up a notch. The less you have to engage the "real world" the better. Isolation and loneliness become your antidote to being alone and abandoned. (Hint: telling someone that whoever died "wouldn't want you to be like this" probably won't work because "whoever died" knows how much I loved them and they understand why I'm like this; you cannot expect a rational response where the deepest, rawest emotions are involved. If you don't know what to say, own it. Tell them you can't imagine their pain, and hug them if they'll have it. It will do much more for them.)

One of my favorite sayings used to be "Nothing is Trivial". I was a good, ready-made excuse for all the trivia I kept locked in my brain. Then, suddenly, that all changed. Everything became trivial. When someone close to you dies, your priorities are forced to change. You have to reevaluate everything that ever included that person and somehow figure out a way not to include them. In some cases the answer is a workaround, at least until a better way presents itself. Some things you have to relearn from the ground up, or learn for the first time if it was something the Other was primarily responsible for. And some things, you simply let go of--or stop doing because letting go is the one thing that's so hard. The trick is knowing which is which and when to stop. Reprioritizing is the natural response to your new world. You just need to remember that even though some things may be less important, it doesn't mean they are UNimportant. That's a huge difference.

I have traveled down this road, and the results are not pretty. The house is a mess, the yard is a wreck, I don't like going outside. I don't like going out in public. I would have loved to go to my 40th class reunion, but just...couldn't. It would have been wonderful to see everyone again. Thankfully--and this is why I have said it over and over again--I have you. You will never know--cannot possibly know--how important you have been to me during this period of grieving. I post on my blogs and my social media, and you respond with words of encouragement, and likes and loves and sad faces, when words are not enough or cannot be found. It all means something. Something wonderful for me. It means someone "out there" is listening and someone out there cares. About me.

Over the course of this summer of self-imposed seclusion I have been very fortunate to have a couple of true friends who check up on me daily. Just to make sure I'm still breathing. And I check up on them, too. Because that's what friends do.

I started therapy today, perhaps overdue, but you know me, I like to try doing things myself until I figure out I can't. I'm not in a bad place, but I haven't made any progress lately, and have lost a little ground here and there about some things while gaining ground in others. I already feel better just for having taken a step. (Plus, it gets me out of the house, right?) Recovery is never easy and you shouldn't have to do it alone. So thank you all again for being there for me when I needed you. And especially you two, who have meant the world to me these past couple of months.

So now you all know how not to become a hermit. It's no way to live. And when you see or hear about some lonely old person, remember my words and don't become them. And maybe, just smile at them and say "Hi". That might be all it takes to bring them out of their shell.

What's up with August anyway?

2018-08-11T22:03:00.001-04:00

I don't know how the rest of y'all's Facebook friends' birthdays shake out, but August has had me tapping the word "Happy" an awful lot this month, and we're not even halfway through it. In fact--because I'm weird and look these things up--August wins the prize for most birthdays. I have 283 Facebook friends, (I always feel like I have to qualify "friends" with "Facebook" because I have non-Facebook friends that I am extremely close to, friends who are on Facebook that I haven't friended or vice-versa for whatever reason, and Facebook friends I hardly know. Cyberspace and real life might overlap, but they are not the same thing. Besides, this way I can pretend that I have just as many friends as those of you who have thousands (!) of Facebook friends (how do you do that?), I just can't prove it.)

(Damn, they’re so…white…)

Some friendship networks are even more complicated.

http://friends.wikia.com/wiki/Relationships

Of those 283 friends, 238 have birthdays, so 45 of you don't have birthdays. (I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you just haven't published your birthdays and there's not some kind of Immaculate Conception thing going on.)

Perfect! There’s one candle for every month. That way I won’t miss anyone.

With this somewhat limited (but EXTREMELY diverse [understatement] sample) I have been able to draw some conclusions. Here is the birthday breakdown:

Birth Month	Number of Births
January	17
February	23
March	11
April	21
May	20
June	14
July	23
August	30
September	23
October	27
November	16
December	13

Now, it appears like there is a three way tie for third place--which would have been really cool because when ranking them they would have been in the same order whether I went Alphabetically or Chronologically (my inner OCD nerd would have rejoiced)--but that is not the case. When you factor in how many days there are in the given month, the percentage of births changes things.

I really only do it to play with the different colored markers.

Here's how that looks:

Birth Month	Number of Births	Number of Days	Births per Month %	Rank
August	30	31	97%	1
October	27	31	87%	2
February	23	28	82%	3
September	23	30	77%	4
July	23	31	74%	5
April	21	30	70%	6
May	20	31	65%	7
January	17	31	55%	8
November	16	30	53%	9
June	14	30	47%	10
December	13	31	42%	11
March	11	31	35%	12

That's right. August has 30 birthdays out of 31 days. Almost one a day. Compared to poor March barely making it to 1 out of every 3. What's going on here? That's a pretty big spread.

"Let’s go for 100 next time!" (Percent or birthdays?)

So--again, being me--I tried to spot a consistent thread in this data. To do that, I had to turn back the calendar, um, 9 months, give or take, depending on what part of the month you were born, if you were early, if you were late, etc. So, yeah, it gets icky here because we have to talk about your parents doing the nasty.

“Actually, all of the Friends were our sex-tuplets!” (Get it? Dad humor.)

Here's what we get from that:

Rank	Conception Month	Conception Season
1	November	Autumn
2	January	Winter
3	May	Spring
4	December	Autumn-Winter
5	October	Autumn
6	July	Summer
7	August	Summer
8	April	Spring
9	February	Winter
10	September	Summer-Autumn
11	March	Winter-Spring
12	June	Spring-Summer

I included the season column because that seemed to me to be one thing that might influence the outcomes. You know, in the summer it's hot, you're more apt to be tired from working or playing outside and so on. In the winter because it's cold outside and life is boring inside...well you get the picture. I was wrong.

Seems to me the old meanings of “hot and bothered” and “frigid” have been reversed.

With my own theory shattered I looked to see if there were any other trends. Here is what I found:

June, besides being at the bottom of the barrel for hanky-panky in general, marks the deepest dip between months. There is a 47% decrease from May-conceived births to June-conceived births, and increase of 35% of July-conceived births over June-conceived births. On the other side of things, July and August, resting in the middle of the pack, showed the most consistency for red hot love making in consecutive months, with only a 5% difference. My guess is August was trying to make up for June.

Otis Redding knew a thing or two.

If you really want the numbers here they are:

Rank	Conception Month	Change from Previous Month
1	July	35%
2	October	27%
3	May	27%
4	November	23%
5	April	13%
6	January	10%
7	August	-5%
8	March	-11%
9	September	-18%
10	December	-20%
11	February	-34%
12	June	-47%

So there’s really NOT a whole lot to be learned from this exercise beyond the fact that some months are just more laden with birthdays than others. And even that conclusion is suspect. Too many factors come into play here, too many variables. We’re talking about different birth years, different locations, different sex drives, and a shamefully small sample. Every birth story is as unique as the person that results from it. I guess that’s the real message here. It is pointless to compare ourselves to anyone else. We are who we are. Our stories are different. I came into this world with my own DNA and the events in my life that have happened to me since and how I’ve reacted to them have made me who I am. It is a story that is unique to me, just as yours is to you. Sure we may share common experiences, but how I experience them and how you do, by definition cannot be the same. My strengths and weaknesses are not the same as yours, and the intensity of the experiences themselves are no doubt different simply because I am here and you are there. We might be extremely similar, but we are not the same.

“I’m losing myself!” “No, you’re gaining another.”

We may also be very different from one another, but that doesn’t mean we don’t share some things. The human experience is not so varied that that we cannot find some common ground. We all breathe, we eat, we shit. And if August is any indication, a lot of us screw. We’re human. That’s where we must start our self examination. Not by comparing ourselves to others, but by understanding our own humanity. We are hardwired to think anyone who is different is at least suspicious, if not a dangerous enemy. It’s part of our survival instinct. But if we have aspirations to be civilized, to be a society in which every succeeding generation is better off than the last, we must rise above our baser instincts and offer the hand of friendship. Otherwise we are no better off than the ants.

Scenes from “The Bridge to Terabithia” and Galaxy Quest”.

If you don't mind bug videos, here ya go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lq1r7MHt8y8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0HoqjxfvJ4

Yes. Ants are amazing, for something so small and easy to squash under our feet unnoticed. But they do not think independently. And they’re pretty much all the same. And being the same is not who we are. We are meant to think independently. That’s part of our survival instinct, too. And where individuality exists, differences exist. That is ultimately the choice. Either we embrace the fact that we are diverse—and ought to be—or we will succeed eventually in destroying ourselves, because in striving to eliminate everyone that is different from us we will set up the ultimate tournament bracket in which there can be only one.

“When they said ‘March Madness’, I thought they were talking about marching on Rome…or maybe the low number of March births.”

It’s in our nature. Some of the most vicious arguments I’ve witnessed, and sometimes participated in, are between people who are in 99.9% agreement, but the .1% that separated them/us was the one that was incendiary. Making a mountain out of an ant hill. We must rise above that or be swallowed up by it. It would be the august thing to do, friend.

“Yes, but did you know 7 ate 9?” Escher’s dad. “Or was it 7 of 9?”

It’s amazing what a little concealer and some extensions will do. But ain’t nothin’ gonna fix that attitude.

I am fairly happy that most of you were born. Happy as well that some of you actually take the time to read these rambling musings of mine. I started to talk about how unique you all are and got sidetracked by myself. Regardless of the date on the calendar, each of you is you-nique. It doesn’t matter what month you were born in. Or what year. Or where. Or what your circumstance. You are a one of a kind, and I choose to celebrate you every day, not just once a year. I may not like what you do or say sometimes and I’m sure the same can be said about me. But we are all special. So enjoy your day, whether it’s your birthday or not. Have some cake. Blow out some candles. Go and live your once in a lifetime life. Before Au-gust of wind blows your candle out.

“Really? You’re going to end on a bad pun using revered cultural icons? Show a little respect, dude.”

Sorry, it’s who I am.

Whose Liner Is It Anyway?

2018-07-14T16:18:00.002-04:00

[Note to the reader: I often take cyber journeys, either to pass the time or do research for my writings or personal enrichment. Occasionally, I document them—the case here. When I do publish my journeys, I invite you along not strictly for you to appreciate the minutiae. Not everyone one likes trivia or can tolerate tedium. Because my voyages often teach me (even at this stage of my life) about things in the world that I have never encountered, I presume that some of my readership, might also be so enriched by my findings. I do not expect you to read every article for which I have provided links, nor do I even expect that you read every section of this blog entry. I do, however, hope that you at least check out a few; most are quite informative about their respective topics. I have covered a wide range of them here and it may be that one or more might lead you on your own explorations of our world. I won’t promise you the moon and the stars, but maybe I can stir your imagination.]

Sea Fever

I must down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the sea again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the sea again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

John Masefield (1926)

[Photo credit (sort of): William Shatner (Captain James T. Kirk) and DeForest Kelley (Dr. Leonard McCoy) on Star Trek (The Original Series) in the second season episode "The Ultimate Computer" (1968); and an uncredited image of a tall ship with stars]

Man you gotta be careful when you do an image search on Google. There’s a fine line between too much and too little information to put in your query. (And yes, I know I’ve gone on about this before…) It’s astounding how many seemingly unrelated concepts can gather together under the umbrella of one simple word. My latest adventure revolved around the word “liner”, as in “ocean liner”.

Why was I researching ocean liners? Well I wasn’t exactly. (And the only reason I’m going explain this is because it does have some bearing on the story.) I’m working on an upcoming blog entry and was looking for a better image than the one I had already downloaded that was fairly poor in quality: you couldn’t read the words in it. Naturally I didn’t document where I got the image. And when I “photo searched” it, not only did I not find a better picture, I couldn’t even find the original. Frustrated, I searched for the title and artist of it and was able to find the original, but no other version. So I started using the name of the artist and parts of the title. Nothing. Then just the parts of the title. No luck. I was finally down to just the word “liner”. Oh, and one other phrase.

The full name of the work I was looking for is “Intercontinental Rocket Liner” by Arthur Radebaugh for his comic strip “Closer Than We Think” from the late 50’s and early 60’s. I won’t go into much more detail about that now because—if I ever finish it—you will be treated in another blog entry to a fairly comprehensive look at how our life now looked to the folks back then. It’s the “Closer Than We Think” part that accounts for some of what follows, but not all.

The first few images Google offered were other works by Radebaugh, all of which were already familiar to me and in my “possession”. Then I started getting…other images.

1. Baby Bottle Disposable Liners

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Playtex-Baby-Drop-Ins-Liners-For-Playtex-Baby-Nurser-Bottles-8-10oz-100-count/2403338

“Our Nurser bottles are closer to natural breastfeeding because the soft drop-ins^® liners are designed to contract like mom’s breast while breastfeeding. They are also clinically proven to work with baby’s natural feeding rhythm for more comfortable feeding.”

Did you see it? The bottles “are closer to natural breastfeeding.” Okay, that kinda makes sense, after you pick it apart.

[While I was putting this section together I mistakenly ended up here: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Bottles-Nipples-Gift-Set-Slow-Flow/34075841

which inspired this: “Bottles & Nipples Gift Set (phrased like that it sounds like something you might buy for a horny drunk…)” Too bad I can’t use it now.]

2. Basket Liners

http://heartworkorg.com/2015/03/31/how-to-make-diy-basket-liners-for-round-baskets/

How to Make DIY Basket Liners for Round Baskets

Way off to the side in the “Come and Learn” section, I found this small little tidbit: “~ Email to request a presentation closer to you. ~” I think I see what’s happening here.

3. Bed Liners

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBwPGKLDsuc

Ram with bakflip penda bed liner bedcaps bedstep (This barely qualifies as English)

Now waitaminnit. This is a YouTube video; there is no article. And nowhere in the description is a mention of the word “cover”. Even though it would make sense since it’s covering your truck bed.

Turns out this is a related image to the one that actually showed up in the Google search. This one was better than that one so I used it instead.

There it is in the original, way down deep in the comments section: “…a local Franchise closer to my home…”. Damn.

[Author’s note: I did not read all the comments just to find this; there’s a handy little “Find in this Page” function of which I’m very fond.]

4. Floor Liners

http://www.teamr4v.org/best-of-home-improvement-loans

WeatherTech Floor Liners And Mats

A close relative of the bed liner.

And again, no mention of the word “closer” anywhere.

Upon closer inspection, however…Oh, no. Not again.

This, too, is a related image and it, too, was better so I used it instead. The original one did say: “Upon closer inspection, however…”. Sigh.

(But what’s with the “best-of-home-improvement-loans” in the URL?)

Then there are those things that I never heard being called a “liner” of any sort. I guess I learned something new, and you gotta call ‘em something.

5. Heel Liners

https://www.sofsole.com/product/heel_liners

“The Sole of Performance."

I always just called them cushions.

So what about the “closer” connection? Really? In the Q&A section??

--11 months ago--

“Do you place the heel liner at the lowest portion of the heel cup or up higher”

--10 months ago--

“Hi there! Positioning the heel liner will depend on which part of your heel is rubbing. Generally, the liner is placed closer to the top of the heel cup, but this can vary based on what feels most comfortable to you.”

And did it really take them a month to come up with that answer??

6. Jaw Liners

https://paulsellers.com/2016/06/vises-part-iii/

“Paul Sellers A Lifestyle Woodworker”

On Vises—Part III Fitting jaw linings

Another thing I didn’t know had a name. I would be inclined to think this has something to do with orthodontics. I certainly didn’t see a connection from the photo. (If you want to know what it really is, you’ll have to go to the website; it’s only fair, I had to read about it, so you should, too.)

Another Q&A: “…putting the vise closer to the left-hand…”

7. Bamboo Steamer Liners

https://www.stonefryingpans.com/bamboo-steamer-liners/

Bamboo Steamer Liners – Everything Amazing About Them (Fast!)

Now you have to remember, when this stuff pops up on Google, all I see is the picture. In this case, chocolate pudding cake. The only “closer” I could think of is, I want to get closer to it. Still, not what I would expect to see on a page extolling the virtues of Stone Frying Pans and Bamboo Steamer Liners.

Wow. This one is right there in the main part of the article. “…closer to the boiling water…”.

8. Pond Liners

https://thefiltermaster.com/best-pond-liners/

“The FilterMaster”

Best Pond Liners 2018 – Buyer’s Guide

Well let’s take a look and see if there’s a “closer” anywhere.

“Let’s take a closer look…”

Yep.

9. Liner notes

https://www.violinist.com/blog/laurie/20163/17407/

V.com weekend vote: When is the last time you listened to music via a CD?

I was kinda proud of myself on this one. I figured out it was about liner notes before I even read the article! “...liner notes, photos and illustrations to bring us closer to the artists who made it.”

After that, things really started to stray from the whole “liner as something you put between two other things” concept. (I am leaving out an obvious one, but I’m saving that for last.)

10. Eyeliner

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/best-eye-liner-your-grocery-store-offer

The Best Eye Liner Your Grocery Store Has To Offer

“The Guide for People Who Find Themselves Eyeliner-less With No Sephora In Site [sic] (aka Hell)”

There were a lot of eyeliner images from a lot of different sites. Lots of eyelids and drawing lines on the backs of hands. Oh, and some lip liners, too. This image seemed to me to represent the genre best, so I went with it.

Sure enough: “The inner forearm is far closer to your face skin tone than the back of your hand…” and “…the inside stick here is far closer in consistency to a gel liner.” A twofer of closers. I didn’t check any of the other sites, so my research here is unfortunately lacking, but there is only so much makeup I can stand to look at online.

11. Tattoo Liners

http://www.joshuabowers.com/blog/

“Joshua Bowers”

Needle Lag and Snag on Rotaries [Image source]

Rotary Liners, Shaders and Cartridge Machines [Article source]

I really didn’t know what I was looking at here. I didn’t really want to know. I know what they look like. And the captions certainly didn’t help me think they were anything else. Luckily, I was wrong. He’s actually talking about tattooing machines. His tattoo gallery is worth checking out. He has a very distinct style.

Well, even the “closer” example fits in with what I thought these were…“…is closer to the tip…”

Eventually, I came across some [images of] actual ocean liners. I’m not sure which of these boats met a sadder end.

12. The Lusitania

“'The Sinking of the Lusitania' [by Norman Wilkinson] - illustration of the sinking of the American passenger liner by torpedo near south west Ireland during World War 1, 7 May 1915”

https://www.independent.ie/life/travel/travel-news/new-museum-to-mark-100-years-since-liner-lusitania-was-sunk-31167275.html

New museum to mark 100 years since liner Lusitania was sunk

1,198 lives lost. Not much more needs to be said about this tragedy. Except maybe it wasn’t an iceberg this time.

No “closer” or even “think”, but I will have to give it points for at least being related to what I was looking for in the first place.

13. The Queen Mary

https://escapeauthority.com/review-queen-marys-dark-harbor-2017/

Review: The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor 2017

“A notoriously haunted nearly century old ship has held many different roles throughout its lifetime: luxury cruise liner, war ship, and epic Halloween event venue. Unfortunately, all of those are now history, as this year’s Dark Harbor falls short of reliving the grandeur we so desperately miss.”

If you look closely at the picture you can make out the hazy form of this once mighty ship. I suppose she is happy just to have guests aboard, even if they are a bit…odd.

“…still instinctively drawn closer to her.” Check.

“I think it’s probably a scientific fact…” Double check.

14. Hard-Liners

“A view onto a balcony in Ma'ale Adumim, one of the closest settlements to Jerusalem in the occupied West Bank. Credit Dan Balilty for The New York Times.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/30/world/middleeast/the-sleepy-israeli-settlement-thats-fast-becoming-a-flash-point.html

Israel’s Hard-Liners Want to ‘Go Big’: Annex a Settlement - The New York Times

“…one of the closest settlements to Jerusalem…” Not quite “closer”.

Maybe it was going with “think”? That would be a switch. “…few thought had any chance…”. Still not quite.

[Just an aside: So, you get 4 articles a month free online from the New York Times. I don’t think it’s fair that rereading the same article should count against you…just saying.]

15. One-liners

http://www.sharingournotebooks.amylv.com/2012/09/barry-lane-mining-past-for-flashes.html

“…just so much more than a one-liner. The punchline is an opener not a closer. It makes you think more.”

From there, things strayed even further. Now not even the word liner was a match except deep in the article and as kind of a one off reference. But they were there.

16. Line Drive

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2016/sep/08/mlb-pitchers-protection-headgear-safety

Why pitchers won't wear helmets despite Shoemaker's 105mph liner to the head

“Who’s closer to victory: Donald Trump or the Cubs?” (The article is from Sept. 8, 2016.) “Closer Than We Think!”

”…liner to the head” is starting to push things a bit.

17. Slack Lining

https://www.avidcarp.com/Articles/Article/245-Slack-Lining-Made-Easy

“Slack Lining Made Easy”

Next Level Bite Indication

Who would have thought such a beautiful picture could be found on a fishing website?

“…the closer to the bank I am fishing, the slacker I want my line.” As for me, the closer I am to the bank, the more I want my money…

“It definitely highlights indications with liners, which are worth knowing about!”

18. Zip Lining

https://ontheplusside.net/went-zip-lining-fat-girl/

I Went Zip Lining as a Fat Girl

I had to zoom in on her and make this composite. Just look at the sheer joy on that face.

No “liner” here at all. Just lots of “lines” and “lining”.

There was a “closer” though: “…my current weight was much closer than I had thought it would be.”

(For the next two entries I thought it advisable to include a glossary as well as some further reading at the end of the blog entry.)

Geeks have also checked in.

19. Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya

https://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=1429462&show=30

Sorry, that’s, Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya (apparently the star is part of the title)

Getting information on this one is like trying to translate the Voynich manuscript. This is what I was able to decipher.

It was a manga series, an anime television series, an animated film, and a video game. It is an alternate universe spin-off of the Fate/stay night visual novel, which was originally released as an adult game for Windows (classified as eroge, basically hentai for gamers), with a version rated for ages 15 and up released sometime later

When I first clicked the link—and let’s face it, it’s a gorgeous visual image—I was connected to what basically amounted to a fan page that painstakingly documented and adoringly analyzed the entire mythology (and I assume all of its sequels, prequels, and spin offs). What little I read seemed to be written in figurative code for some badass S&M scenarios with uncomfortable pedophilic overtones, or undercurrents if you prefer.

Let me explain the reason I gave you all of that information above: chances are you won’t be able to get it yourself from the link I provided (if you were so inclined and assuming you could make heads or tails of what you would read there anyway). Upon returning to the site to gather references for this blog entry, I was met with the following message:

“503 Service Unavailable”

“This page is currently unavailable. Please click here for details.”

“Here” led me to:

“Visit our Sitemap to check which parts of MAL have been restored.”

“Sitemap” went here:

“* Pages that have been crossed out are currently unavailable. Please check back again at a later date.”

“Anime Recommendations”; “Manga Recommendations”; “Community: ‘Forums’, ‘Clubs’, ‘Blogs’, ‘Users’” were all crossed out. Considering the parts of the website that were suddenly unavailable, and considering the promiscuous origins of the Nasuverse, the whole thing felt like damage control by the site masters for some [very] bad behavior on the part of some users.

Wanting to have at least some reference material for you, I Google searched the title which led me to the Wikipedia-like part of the website, where at the top of the page, I was again reminded that something was amiss:

“Info: Access to certain pages/functions have been temporarily restricted. Please read all of the details from this link.”

“Click”.

“Update - Additional Features Restored”

“Created at June 26, 2018”, “Updated at June 27, 2018”

“Submissions in the Character Database and People Database for: New Characters, Edit Character Information, Voice Actor Roles, Anime Jobs” were all crossed out again.

“* Submissions have been temporarily disabled again due to the incoming volume being larger than predicted.”

Well that tells a little different story than the one I assumed, doesn’t it? Evidently, their servers can’t keep up with the demand. Interesting…Also interesting is that I initially was able to get into off limits part of the website a full three weeks after things were supposedly suspended. Kinda fluky. Or maybe just glitchy.

With all that out of the way, I did watch the trailer for the movie (which presumably is of the cleaned up variety…to a point.) It is an incredibly artistic piece of filmmaking. Even without understanding a word of Japanese beyond arigato, hai, konnichiwa, sensei and, sayonara, I would sit through the whole thing just for the stunning visual splendor of it. And I’m not that big an anime fan. As long as they kept the whole Luke and Leia subplot at Star Wars level.

[See https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Manga/FateKaleidLinerPrismaIllya for an examination of the content of the manga.

And if you are brave enough—I wasn’t—you can also check out their treatment for the eroge, Fate/StayNight at https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/VisualNovel/FateStayNight for comparison.]

Six scenes from Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya: Oath Under Snow (Japanese: Gekijō-ban Fate/kaleid liner Purizuma ☆ Iriya Sekka no Chikai, 2017)

No blog entry would be complete without hearing from the tinfoil hat club.

20. Fluxliner

https://steemit.com/astronomy/@deepwaterscrypto/build-yourself-a-fluxliner-and-see-the-moon

Build Yourself a Fluxliner and See the Moon!

“Here are drawings by Mark McCandlish [copyrighted, published by permission] showing the secret space program's Fluxliner. Should be easy to build over 4 months with enough materials.”

“Just need to start a crowd funding project on gofundme. Contributors get a free ride to moon and back and check out the underground moon base.”

Steemit works on cryptocurrency like BitCoin. (If you want to know more about that rabbit hole, you’re on your own. Let’s just say while we’re all worried about the Dollar and the Euro, cyber money might just pull the rug out from all the world’s economies (but I’m no Radebaugh to make such predictions). Or it may just go the way of America Online and MySpace.) Steem is the surrogate (?) money that members of the site exchange and the members are referred to as Steemians. I wonder how our guy is doing.

“All upvotes steem will be used to buy the copper plates capacitors. So upvote!”

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.

5 months ago [date of post], $0.00, 4 votes

0 “closers”, 0 “thinks”. But since it is the closest in spirit to my original quest (does that mean I should invest in tinfoil?), it has that going for it.

Which finally brings us to the omitted “Liners” I mentioned way above somewhere.

21. Panty Liners (1)

http://tyeexpress.asia/112139

Read What Your Vaginal Discharge Says About Your Overall Health Here

I’ll admit that when I started getting the “unexpected” results, I was surprised that panty liners didn’t show up long before baby bottle liners. What I didn’t expect was…this. Wow. I mean the site is jam-packed with helpful information for those with a need to know. Lots of, er, “helpful” photos and illustrations, too. What I don’t understand is how it got into my web search results. Not one single keyword is in there. Well, that’s a lie. If you include “than” (twice) and “we” (as long as it’s part of a word and not a standalone: However (x2), weird, swelling, Website and Powered), then yes. But I’m still pretty sure there are lots of other websites that use those words with much more frequency that should have shown up sooner. Unless…

Well, maybe. I did. But I don’t remember it that way. But to be fair, there was another image that this one was related to that did have our keywords in the webpage.

“As you move closer to ovulation…”

“And if you think…”

But what bothers me even more is that "Oops!... I Did It Again" was released on March 27, 2000. That’s right. People born on that date are either high school seniors or have already graduated!

22. Panty Liners (2)

https://www.rd.com/health/wellness/vaginal-health/

15 Everyday Habits That Can Mess With Your Vagina

This is more like the photo I would expect for panty liners. Aaaaand then I read the title of the article. From the Reader’s Digest, no less. It’s been decades since I’ve looked at a copy (imagine a paper magazine!), so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised the content has changed. We are living in a different world now. (I, of all people, should know this considering I am researching Arthur Radebaugh…)

This one comes as no surprise since one paragraph alone uses the word “liner” five times and another has three instances. The “closer” usage in this article read as follows:

"The shape of a thong means it tends to cover the front of your groin area and then tapers toward the back; since the vaginal opening is actually closer to your anus, this means it doesn’t get full coverage, she says, leaving an open door for bacteria to settle right in. This is the best underwear for your butt shape."

The last sentence there is a link to another article. (And surprisingly, thongs are suggested for some butt shapes…)

From The Best Underwear for Your Butt Shape I learned that there are several types of butts. (On a trip, this would be known as a detour.)

Square (women with boyish figures, tend to be on the flatter side)

V-shaped (there is basically no rear, common among older women)

A-shaped (one of the most coveted, like Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez)

An Xfinity ad (Do yourself a favor and just don’t, even though it’s fitting to be in an article about butts: see “anus” reference above…)

Round (full from top to bottom, an overall roundness)

Upside-down heart (more volume on the sides and bottom, very feminine looking)

In the body of that article was another link, to this article:

5 Types of Dresses to Show Off Your Favorite Body Part

“If you got it, flaunt it. Here’s how.”

Each part started with the line, “If you love your [body part], try…” followed by the recommendation. This, for me is fluff writing at its best. Take a subject that some people might want some serious advice about, and then make several self evident statements about it. With the possible exception of the first one, there are no surprises here, no novel advice given. The answer to every question is contained in the thesis statement. “If you got it, flaunt it”. By flaunting it. The author even calls herself out on the second one. “This one’s fairly obvious…” They all are.

Arms, go with ruffles or cap sleeves, but strapless and sleeveless work, too, as do asymmetrical or one-shouldered

Legs, choose a shorter dresses

Waist, calls for either true wraps, faux wraps “with a bit of ruching”, or belted shirtdresses (I had to look up what ruching is; I am now enlightened.)

Back, try an A-line dress with a plunging V-back, or a dress with a looser fit and an oval or V-shaped cutout

Bust, use scoop necks and V-necks

(Ladies with hair, eyes, lips, or maybe teeth are out of luck in this article; this is strictly about clothing. I hope there’s a cosmetic and hairstyle article somewhere that would address these favorite parts.)

The basic idea in every case presented is for something to be seen, it needs to be uncovered. Now, I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all; I think that’s just basic physics. I think the approach of this article comes from living in the computer age.

“Hello, Tech Support.”

“Hello, Tech Support?”

“Yes…”

“My computer won’t turn on.”

“Is it plugged in?”

“Oh…Thank you. Goodbye.”

“Have a nice day and thanks for calling.”

It’s already an old joke. But I think most of us can relate to both sides of the conversation. It deals with our expectations and our dumbing down. I expect the computer to come on when I press the button. I am stumped by the obvious answer when it doesn’t. I expect an informative article to inform. I expect to find what I am looking for. I assume it’s out there. At the very least I am hopeful.

Maybe we just expect too much and settle for too little.

Maybe there is only one image in the entire World Wide Web of Arthur Radebaugh’s Intercontinental Rocket Liner.

Maybe I am searching for it in the wrong way.

Or maybe Google is.

Maybe I need to focus on Ocean Liners and leave all this behind. And hope that I don’t end up like the Lusitania or Queen Mary.

Maybe I should start paying more attention to articles about slack lining or reading liner notes or how to line a pond.

That’s a lot of maybes and there are so many more.

Maybe now that I’m done with this post I can move on to the dozen or so others I’m working on. I’ve already set myself back four days on this little excursion. If I don’t hurry up, Radebaugh’s future will pass me by. I haven’t given up the search just yet. My one-liner might still be out there. Waiting for me to find it.

"The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

Music by Mitch Leigh and Lyrics by Joe Darion (1972)

[Another almost photo credit: Peter O'Toole (Don Quixote De La Mancha/Miguel de Cervantes/Alonso Quijana), Sophia Loren (Dulcinea/Aldonza), and James Coco (Sancho Panza/Cervantes' Manservant) in Man of La Mancha (1972); and Boris Karloff (The Monster) in Bride of Frankenstein (1935) and the windmill from Frankenstein (1931)]

P.S.: In looking for the images to create the above composite, I ran across this one:

At that point of the process, I wasn’t certain what the layout of the composite would be, so it was a real contender. In attempting to find a more suitable version, I hunted up related images and was treated to this hilarious gem:

How to get from James Coco in Man of La Mancha to Leonardo DiCaprio in Basketball Diaries in one easy step. I always assumed there was only one image of Basketball Diaries:

Insatiably curious about Google’s reasoning, I took the bait. I was not disappointed:

So, based on the wool-ish hat and “something close to the neck that might be a scarf”, Google performed its magic. Even James Coco looks somewhere between confused and disapproving. But I hope Google doesn’t ever change its algorithms (truly an impossible dream); they have led me to places I would never have gone otherwise and have kept me endlessly entertained. I hope this tale has done the same for you.

Glossary and Further Reading

Tales from the Crypt(ic)

Voynich Manuscript - an illustrated codex hand-written in an unknown writing system, dated to the early 15th century

http://www.voynich.nu/

List of ciphertexts (or cryptograms)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ciphertexts

Ciphertext

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciphertext

Cryptogram

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptogram

Japanese Graphic (take that any way you want) Art

Manga - comics or cartooning conforming to a style developed in Japan in the late 19th century

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manga

Anime - a style of hand-drawn and computer animation from Japan.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anime

Eroge - a Japanese pornographic video game

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eroge

Bishōjo Game/Galge - a type of Japanese video game centered on interactions with attractive girls

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bish%C5%8Djo_game

Hentai - outside of Japan, it is anime and manga pornography; in Japanese, however, "hentai" is not a genre of media but any type of perverse or bizarre sexual desire or act

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hentai

Nasuverse – refers to the fantasy worlds of Japanese author Kinoko Nasu

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinoko_Nasu

Japanese Vocabulary

Arigato – one form of “thank you”, used in the context of, or to evoke, Japanese culture

Hai - similar to the English word "yes"; the use of the Japanese term, however, does not correspond exactly to that of the English: more precisely, it means, “I agree with you” or, “It is correct”

Konnichiwa – a standard way of saying “hello” or “good day” (from “how are you feeling today?”); compare Konbanwa – “good evening”

Sensei - teacher

Sayonara - "goodbye" or "farewell"; literally means “if it is to be that way”

Steemliners (see what I did there?)

Crowdfunding - the practice of funding a project or venture by raising small amounts of money from a large number of people, typically via the Internet; examples include ArtistShare (2003), Kiva (2005), IndieGoGo (2008), Kickstarter (2009), GoFundMe (2010), Microventures (2010), and YouCaring (2011)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowdfunding

Crowdsourcing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowdsourcing

Outsourcing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outsourcing

Offshoring

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offshoring

Alternative finance

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternative_finance

Shadow banking system ("shadow banking" contains the pejorative connotation of back alley loan sharks)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_banking_system

Internet begging, cyber-begging, e-begging or Internet panhandling

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_begging

Cryptocurrency – a digital asset (a kind of digital, virtual or alternative currency) designed to work as a medium of exchange that uses strong cryptography to secure financial transactions, control the creation of additional units, and verify the transfer of assets using decentralized control which works through distributed ledger technology, typically a blockchain, that serves as a public financial transaction database

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptocurrency

Blockchain

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blockchain

Darknet market or cryptomarket - a commercial website that operates via darknets, functioning primarily as black markets, selling or brokering transactions involving drugs, cyber-arms, weapons, counterfeit currency, stolen credit card details, forged documents, unlicensed pharmaceuticals, steroids, and other illicit goods as well as the sale of legal products; this is also where you expect to find human trafficking, child pornography, dog fighting, murder for hire, and snuff film networks, as well as any other type of sleazy operation, although if you understand the coded lingo, you can probably get what you “need” on the regular Web, too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darknet_market

Darknet (or dark net)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darknet

Clearnet

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clearnet_(networking)

Surface Web (also called the Visible Web, Indexed Web, Indexable Web or Lightnet)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surface_web

Dark web

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_web

Deep web, invisible web, or hidden web

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_web

Tor

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tor_(anonymity_network)

Bitcoin - a cryptocurrency or form of electronic cash; it is the first decentralized digital currency: the system was designed to work without a central bank or single administrator

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitcoin

Fluxliner Follies

Mark McCandlish

http://markmccandlish.com/

[Not] Flux Capacitor

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DeLorean_time_machine

Is the Mark McCandlish Alien Reproduction Vehicle Nothing More Than Project 1794?

http://www.topsecretwriters.com/2013/11/is-the-mark-mccandish-alien-reproduction-vehicle-nothing-more-than-project-1794/

United States Gravity Control Propulsion Research

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_gravity_control_propulsion_research

Nazi UFOs

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_UFOs

Foo Fighter

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foo_fighter

[Not] Foo Fighters (this one is for you, Bryce)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foo_Fighters

Die Glocke

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Glocke

Vimana

https://www.theancientaliens.com/technology-vimanas

Freaking Friday

2018-06-08T14:09:00.003-04:00

Here’s what’s new with me.

Went to the doctor today and was able to procure referrals, not only for my shoulder (YAY!!!) but also for the following:

Dermatology to check my pale skin for cancer (long overdue since my last check), blood work for my thyroid (done right after the appt.), an unexpected chest x-ray (I’ll explain in a minute; done immediately after the blood draw), and an also overdue colonoscopy (can’t tell how thrilled I am about that one).

Back to the chest x-ray. It appears that I have lost some weight since the last time I went to the doctor, which, coincidentally, is the last time I was weighed. I have lost 1/10th of my body mass sometime since Toni passed away. I am currently at the lowest possible BMI that’s still “acceptable”. Because I haven’t weighed myself, neither I nor the doctor can say if it was over a short period right after Toni and I never gained it back, just a gradual thing (due to poor eating habits, which is where I laying my bet), or a recent development which combined with my smoking [more] raises a suspicion of lung cancer (also that’s what my dad died from along with emphysema). Hence the chest x-ray to rule it out.

I’m not really worried about the cancer (plenty of time for that after the x-ray results), but the weight loss is an eye-opener. So why am eating like crap? Because I don’t want to go to the store! I don’t want to go anywhere! I don’t want to go outside! Did you all see the picture of Galahad and Hercules? Did you notice how tall the grass was? That’s not some field he’s in; that’s my back yard.

Now before y’all get some kinda intervention started, a lot of this has to do with why I went to the doc in the first place: my shoulder. I have to be really careful with how I move. I still have all kinds of strength in my arm, but my range of motion is severely limited. Then of course there’s the whole lack of sleep thing associated with it that drains a lot of my will.

But here’s one more thing that had me (and at least one other person—you know who you are) concerned about taking the summer off work. Infinity Gauntlet has been out for over a month now and I still haven’t seen it. Because I still need to see the last three movies that came out before it. Well the thing is, I bought all of them (one at a time, as soon as they became available). They are on the TV stand: I am looking at them right now. So why haven’t I watched them? Maybe because if I do, I won’t have an excuse not to go to the movies...?

Similarly, Memorial weekend I could have gone to see an old friend in concert (still on my to do list for later this summer; (again, you know who you are) in a town where I have relatives (you would know who you were if I told where the concert was) I haven’t seen since my dad died (24 years for those of you keeping score) and the plan was to get together, either before or after, and everyone has a great time. Never called anyone. Didn’t happen.

I’m still hopeful about the summer. And maybe some downtime is in order. I can’t tell you how much energy it took to just “be me” at work. I did need a break. And I’m not *worried* about my mental state. But I am on a higher state of alertness about it.

One thing is for sure: I am going to be eating better. I went to the store right after all the doctor stuff and stocked up a bit. So I *can* do it. I just don’t want to.

Last thing. After the store, I went to the township office to pay my slightly overdue water bill. While I was there, I also wanted to ask about a notice I got from Wayne County telling me I was delinquent on my property taxes. Those used to come out of an escrow account through the mortgage (ha ha, autocomplete wanted to say Morty), but after I paid off the house I was sure my payments were up to date. Well sure enough in the transition period I managed to miss one. Good to know. In a way I’m happier this way. I really didn’t want to go through the hassle of trying to prove to the county that I paid my taxes on time to the township. The bureaucratic nightmare that would bring on boggles the mind. Just the same, it’s nice to know the government can take your entire homestead away for failing to pay 1/200th of its total market value. Oh wait, they use the taxable value: 1/75th. Or is it the state equalized value? 1/90th. Anyway you slice it, they stand to make a lot of bread. (Get it: slice, bread?) So be forewarned, don’t loaf around with getting them their dough (I’m killing myself here!). Huh, all of a sudden I feel like getting toasted.

All in all a very productive day. I feel pretty good about it. Have a great weekend!

A Day Late: My Easter Message

2018-04-02T19:14:00.004-04:00

Copied from my Facebook page.

Here it is. The triple threat Sunday I have been looking forward to/dreading for a year now. It’s Easter. It’s April Fool’s Day. It’s the first anniversary of the worst day of my life. How do I feel? How should I feel? Do I feel?

Today we celebrate Christ coming back from the dead. I can’t say I did anything as dramatic, but I can say I have come back from the death of my one true love Toni. Although my return looks less like Jesus (on the left from Revelation Chapter 1) and more like the reanimated zombie (on the right). I have put most of my life on hold for the past year to give my feelings a chance to sort themselves out and function a lot on autopilot. I still have my optimism about the future, but not my zeal. I don’t feel sad today. In many ways it’s just another Sunday (you know, that day before Monday). The sun is shining and the birds are singing. Life (for some of us) still goes on. It’s like a cancellation effect: the good and beautiful are negating the bad and ugly, and I am somewhere in the middle.

One of the reasons I am even writing this post is because I believe you are expecting me to, although I think it’s more like you would be surprised if I didn’t write something; I’m not sitting here thinking you’re staring at your screens just waiting to hit your like button.

But I am also writing this to say something I have said many times before. One of the main reasons, if not THE main reason, I have made as much progress as I have is because of your very constant and very loving support. I don’t know where I would be without all of you out there, sending me your love, praying for me, encouraging me, and of course laughing (or pretending to laugh) at all my silly stuff.

Now will I wake up tomorrow and be all invigorated with the prospects of a life renewed? I doubt that. But even as I miss Toni as much today as when she first left me—left us—I have also gotten used to my life alone. To a point. Becoming accustomed to a new way of life is not the same as enjoying it. Moving forward, I will continue to repair myself and I hope you still take an active role in that. I will expect every day to be better than the last with a lot of setbacks mixed in. I will continue to update my progress with you. And I hope to be as good a friend to each of you as you have been to me.

Enjoy your holiday.

Easter Eggs, Deviled Eggs, or Rotten Eggs; Be a Good Eggs and Decide for Yourself

2018-03-31T19:14:00.002-04:00

Often when I look for funny things on the internet, one thing leads to another (which is usually a good thing for me because it opens new opportunities to find other funny things). I usually don’t document these journeys because 1) they often lead to places that are decidedly unfunny and 2) the search itself isn’t that funny; it can be downright boring. Today I’m going to depart from that norm just a little and peel back the curtain a little on the “work” I do to make the world a happier place. Come dive with me into the Rabbit Hole with me and see if we can discover some Easter Eggs.

Phase One

It started out with a simple idea. I thought I would do a bit on the Nordstrom Rack chain. You know, find a suitable picture of a medieval rack that I could twist into patrons picking out what victim they wanted to buy. (Really, Peter? That’s pretty dark. I’d hate to see what you consider “decidedly unfunny…”)

“Could I get one in Extra Long?”

This search provided me with the following.

The one on the left provides us with the grim historical context as well as reminding us of the potential penalty of violating copyright laws; the one on the right lets us know that the Rack is still relevant in today’s world…at an affordable price (full size models are considerably more expensive: now you know what I mean when I say decidedly unfunny.)

Other tangents led me to things I didn’t know were called “The Rack”.

It’s a rare thing when I find an old movie I never heard of. (Incidentally, that’s Anne Francis on the movie poster, not Wendell Corey; if you saw a picture of Wendell Corey you could probably tell the difference…) And correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the exercise device on the right just a walker? This exercise “machine” sells for $125…

If you truly have fitness goals, lifting weights should be a part of your regimen. Naturally, you will need to store your weights when you are not using them. How about a rack?

The name of this storage system tells you all you need to know about why the Medieval Rack was ever used.

Of course no search of mine would be complete without an inappropriate reference. (This is a picture I actually downloaded to my phone a few weeks back as a funny Avengers meme, but never got around to posting it on Facebook.)

Having seen enough evil in his life, Hawkeye checks out a “nice” rack.

The Final Nordstrom Rack product is actually not final. I couldn’t decide which Nordstrom image fit the original concept better. So I mashed them together and you can decide. They are both pretty “dark” in the context.

Phase Two

Me, ever being the malcontent, decided that one such endeavor was not enough. Surely I could come up with another brand that would lend itself to “fun”. I confess, at this point it was no longer about entertaining you, the reader; it was all about me.

Mongolian Barbeque was the first thing that popped into my head. It seemed like a natural to poke fun at Genghis Khan. I always assumed that BD’s was the only game in town. I was wrong and the internet delivered me a present I wasn’t expecting.

That’s right folks. Genghis Khan has a restaurant chain named after him. I supposed we should expect Napoleon’s Bone-apart Rib Joint next. Or maybe Hitler’s Sauer Kraut Biergarten.

Right. THIS Genghis Khan.

If Sauron had him on his side, he wouldn't have needed Saruman or the Orcs to win...

Anyway, I plodded ahead to find what a barbeque might look like if Khan ran one.

“No, the other Khan!”

“No! The other, other Khan!!”

“Ahh, that’s better! Now THAT is a Mongolian Barbeque!”

Phase Three

My mind was awash with possibilities. My next victim ended up being Pizza Hut. That should be an easy one. As it turned out, I had a little trouble with this one. Somehow, my Google searches just didn’t want to cooperate. But after much perseverance, I finally found something suitable. Well, it was the only image of its kind that I was able to find and luckily, it suited the purpose quite well. I would have been screwed otherwise.

Behold! A hut of pizza!

The original plan was to put the Pizza Hut logo next to the picture, so you would know what it was. Looking at it now I think it pretty much speaks for itself. But as I grabbed the logo, I noticed something about it. See if you can see it, too.

Maybe it should be called Pizza Hat.

I should have known Carmen Sandiego would bring a host of memes with her. The best ones of course involved Waldo. And also the worst: there was one that proved yet again that Rule 34 still holds true. Here are a couple of clean ones.

I hope they find happiness together wherever they end up.

One thing I did not know is that Pizza Hut is now into the shoe business. And have been for over a year. Obviously, the type of programming I normally watch doesn’t cater to that type of advertising (and you know I love advertising). That or I just put them out of my head as soon as I heard of them. Either way, I was surprised. I hope the shoes’ soles don’t influence the quality of the pizzas’ crusts. In addition to being able to order a pizza delivery using your shoes like last year’s model, this year’s will let you pause the game while you answer the door and pay for your pizza.

Next year they will open the door to let the delivery person bring your pizza directly to you. Plans are in the works for the year after to have the delivery person feed it to you. Pizza Hut is trying to trademark a living room toilet/recliner so you never have to get up at all.

Phase Four

My last thought (“thank goodness,” you say?) came to me after quite a few non-starters. Sadly, it was centered on a food chain again, but my brain was getting tired by this point.

Tim Horton Hears a Who:

“Sorry, sir. We don’t serve Danishes.”
“I’m not Danish! I’m a Time Lord!”

Or:

“No, really, this is a police emergency: I’m calling from a Police Box. We need a dozen jelly-filled donuts immediately!”

Or:

“Why yes. I am a swinger. I’m swinging right now. Why do you ask?”

I just don’t know. The whole thing just became all timey-wimey.

Tim Horton hears The Who:

“Who are you? Who? Who? ’Cause I really want to know”

“Who are you?”

“We are the Who.”

“Aww, is this some kinda ‘Who’s on first’ gag? I’m sorry I didn’t get it. Mr. Horton played hockey, not baseball.”

I couldn’t even decide which Who picture to use.

“No, sir, ’Won’t get fooled again’.”

“Seriously, what’s your name?”

“Baba O’Riley”

And the devolution was complete. Who is Who? Maybe Dr. Seuss heard Tim Horton:

Maybe Dr. Seuss is THE Doctor!

So there it is: the process. What was once simple, became complex; what was once orderly became chaotic. We have moved from medieval torture devices to world conquerors, modest huts to elephants possibly suffering from auditory hallucinations. Along the way we touched on shopping, barbequing, getting lost, coffee and donuts, time travel, and legendary rock bands. We even saw some exercise and athletic shoes that are anti-athletic. We have experienced a lot of life here today. I hope you enjoyed your trip with me. Please come again. Watch your step as you exit.

Remember this while you’re hunting for your Easter eggs.

2018-03-31T08:07:00.002-04:00

I was toying with a couple of titles for this entry, but none of them seemed very appropriate. (I have a long history of being inappropriate, so I want to be careful here.) “Jesus didn’t lay an Easter egg; He laid down so much more” and “Jesus wasn’t an April Fool” were a bit more disrespectful than I wanted to go here. Then I remembered, remembrance is at the core of the message. So naturally I found a meme.

With that out of the way, I turn to more serious thoughts.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13

King James Version (KJV)

I have heard this Bible verse quoted thousands of times, in many different contexts. With this being Easter weekend, I thought I would use the opportunity to share my take on it since this post has been on my mind for a while now. Whether or not you are a believer, I hope you can get something out of it.

Taken in its direct context, we have Jesus talking to his disciples shortly before his arrest and crucifixion. He is attempting to prepare them for what is about to happen. He is telling them he will soon be dead, sacrificing himself for the sake of the world. Of course the disciples are a thick-headed bunch—especially Peter (there must be something about that name)—and they aren’t quite getting it.

We often speak of the ultimate sacrifice when it comes to our war heroes, and really anyone who dies in the line of duty, especially police and firefighters. And I honestly think Jesus would approve of the comparison; he often used real examples to illustrate the theological principles he was trying to teach. But don’t think that the concept of “laying down your life” stops at death. Well, it may *stop* there, but it doesn’t start there. I think Jesus was talking about a whole lot more.

We are in an era of multiple observances. This year Easter falls on All Fool’s Day, much to the delight of many activist atheists no doubt. But also Thursday was was not only Maundy Thursday (the night of the Last Supper, a celebration of Passover, when Jesus said, “Do this in remembrance of me.”), but also Vietnam Veterans Day. And that leads into the point of my musing. Laying down your life means purposely, and purposefully, giving it up. It refers to sacrifice. Not only in death, but in life. According to orthodox Christian theology, Christ left his eternal glory in heaven to come live among us, under the most humble of circumstances. He laid down the life he was living to become one of us, to save us from eternal death. The closest thing he got on earth to his life in heaven was an impromptu ticker tape parade (Palm Sunday) less than a week before he was executed.

Members of our armed forces in the same way, on perhaps a less cosmic scale, have given up their lives at home to protect our country. They have left their families behind so that the rest of us might live free. They put themselves in harms way, doing our dirty work for us so that we can go on with our more “normal” lives.

The Christian teaching is that in order for the crucifixion to work, with with Christ taking our sins upon himself, he had to live a sinless life. His act of being our substitute for the penalty of sin (death) could only be carried out if the life he led here was a perfect replacement for our imperfection.

Our military, and our first responders as well, do the things we are unable—and perhaps unwilling—to do for ourselves: protect us, rescue us, and serve us during times that the normal rules of life vanish like puffs of smoke in the wind.

The overriding point of the season—whether you are a Christian celebrating Easter, a Jew commemorating Passover, a Muslim observing Leilat al-Meiraj, or an Atheist who is free to believe whatever they want in America—is GRATITUDE for those to whom we owe debts we can never repay.

Remember that this weekend if you’re going to remember anything at all.

Unplugging the router and rooting the clog

2018-03-15T16:01:00.005-04:00

So last night I asked myself, “How many times will I have to hit the reset button on my life?” Is there a limit? I have had to start over more times than I care to count. It’s like being reincarnated without the benefit of dying first. Yes, I will grant that some of my do overs were undeserved; I got second chances that maybe I shouldn’t have gotten. And I am grateful for those. It’s the other ones that trouble me.

Last night I opted for pizza, which meant driving home past the place Toni died on the way to the hospital. (Yes, they revived her for a little while, but for me that was the end.) Every time I drive by takes me back to that gut-wrenching moment. The intensity varies but it’s always the same. Last night was not the worst, but it was worse than usual.

Then this happened. I got to come home to a present—I am assuming from Hercules; the neat placement and sheer scale makes me think so—that I needed to take care of. Now among Toni’s house rules there were two that are relevant here. One: that I take indoor floor stools outside and not flush them down the toilet. Two: that we never have a plunger in the house, because she didn’t want to ruin the bathroom esthetic. (Some of you are getting ahead of me here; just hold on.) I agreed with the stipulation that we get a snake.

Well, you know me. I’m on my own now and am trying new ways of doing things. I dumped the dump into the toilet—in phases to avoid a clog—and promptly clogged it up beyond all hope. Not wanting to deal with snaking the problem at the moment, I shut the lid and figured I would let things simmer. I quickly used Toni’s bathroom (which had been dormant all these months, to the point where all the water had evaporated out of the bowl), and got on to the evening business. Come this morning the blockage was holding fast. Nothing to do but use Toni’s bathroom again. But this time my stay was longer. I had plenty of time to look around and see a thousand little memories that I haven’t thought of in months. Her makeup, jewelry, shoes, all the knick-knacks I had gotten her over the years...it was kind of overwhelming. And after last night’s ride home...

So all is well now. I gave my toilet one last try before I got out the snake and amazingly it worked. I plugged my router back in after several days of no service, and it worked, too. I went to my job and I worked. Everything is back to normal. Almost. Still working on my latest reset. I wanna unplug. Or unclog. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Mom

2018-01-31T18:43:00.005-05:00

Today is a day I traditionally wax a bit serious. It was 43 years ago on this date that my world changed forever. I had just turned 15 two weeks earlier and was at that magical age that I could be equally excited about Hot Wheels, GI Joes, and girls. In other words, before January 27, 1975, I was still a kid. After that day, my childhood vanished.

It was a Monday. My mother had been suffering from the flu for days. And she was too sick to drive me to school, so I walked the 1+ miles in the snow. Just like the cliche but shorter. When I got to my grandparents house after school (my normal routine, another almost mile), I found out mom was in the hospital. So off we went. One more mile. Worried but not scared.

At the hospital it took a bit to wake her but she finally did, just enough to greet me with a kiss, and she dropped off again. To while away the time, I sketched her picture on a mini note pad. The family stepped out of the room for a little break. After a few minutes I looked into the room and noticed that her lips were blue. I ran to get a nurse, who verified my findings, and then ran to get help. We waited for 3 hours and at long last the doctor told us she was stabilized but in a coma. By this time other family and the pastor had arrived. The next 5 days (and beyond) are a bit of a blur. I have always referred to it as hell week. Bits and pieces stand out. They had to switch her ventilator from a mask to a tracheotomy. They didn't have a brain scan machine [electroencephalogram] at the hospital and since she could not be moved, they had to wait to borrow one from a bigger hospital, which couldn't be arranged until Friday. We got that news on Wednesday. We spent our daytime hours at the hospital and our nights at home crying and bargaining with God. The pastor and the elders performed a rarely used anointing ritual for healing. Friday finally came.

I remember the exact moment when childhood left me behind. It left me, not the other way around. You were at some point supposed to leave your childhood behind. At least that's how I figured it was supposed to happen. The family and the pastor were all in the conference room waiting for the doctor. He came in and said there was no brain activity. My mother would never wake up. So the question was what did we want to do.

This was a time before all the publicity about end of life decisions. Laws now have much to say about our situation. But back then our choice was simple. My mother could be kept alive in her present state indefinitely. Or we could--knowing there was no hope of her regaining consciousness--take her off life support. What should we do? My grandparents, who had survived World War II and being refugees in a work camp afterward with my mother, were grief-stricken in way I never thought possible. Their realized dream of coming to America to start over, was now for nothing. Their only daughter had been taken from them, whether she lived or died. And while I had no legal standing being a minor at the time, I remember all eyes turning to me. What should we do? Looking back on it now, that might not be the reason why everyone looked at me, but that is the way it felt at the time. And really, what if I said, don't kill her, she's my mom, might it not have been enough to convince everyone to keep her alive, at least for a little bit longer? (The Karen Ann Quinlan case would make the national news three months later, initiating all kinds of controversy and debate about end of life decisions; she ended up living in her comatose state for another 10 years. I followed the story closely at the time and remember being sad when I heard she finally passed away. But we didn't have her case in front of us to glean any wisdom from it, and I don't know if it would have influenced our decision anyway.) I remember getting up from the table and looking out the window through the venetian blinds (because that's what they do in movies), tears welling up in my eyes. I turned back around and announced my opinion. What else could we do? She was gone to us already. I stabbed my grandmother in the heart. But she also knew I was right. Papers were signed and my great uncle asked to be present. (He later wrote about the experience which I always cherished.)

That done, my first act as a man was to go tell my great aunt the news in the lobby. She couldn't bear to come up with the rest of us. (Truth be told--or maybe reimagined--I needed to get out of the room; I was the fastest one there and it made a good excuse,) I remember the elevator doors opening and making eye contact with her. I realized at that moment how powerful a look could be; no words were necessary and that's probably a mercy. I walked up to her and she clung to my arm and wept. (In writing this tale, this is where, 43 years later, my eyes got moist.)

My mother didn’t actually die from the flu. At least not directly. She just had the flu at the time she died. Her cause of death was “a massive brain hemorrhage”; apparently she had an aneurysm. In the days leading up to her hospitalization, she slept a lot, and when she did wake she would vomit. She was unable to eat real food, but would drink a little tea. In my head I think the constant vomiting probably raised the blood pressure in her head once too often. Just a hunch, but it makes sense to me.

I have lived a lot of years since. Who I became in life was shaped in a large part by this day. But it was also shaped during the 15 years leading up to that day by the woman who made sacrifices to give me the best childhood she could. She let me be a little kid and loved on me every day. And she gave me enough stuff to take of the business at hand when the time came. I've had plenty of hard decisions to make, and I've made many bad ones along the way. But I hope she's proud of how I turned out. I had a lot of help from a lot of people and that can't be stressed enough. But it all started with her. She was a dream mom. And I am a very lucky man to have had her as mine.

I miss you, Mom.

It's been a while

2018-01-14T11:07:00.003-05:00

I'm tired.
I'm tired of needing to sleep.
I'm tired of not being able to sleep.
I'm tired of waking up in pain in both body and soul.
I'm tired of needing to eat.
I'm tired of needing to work.
I'm tired of being bored.
I'm tired of not wanting to do something.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of not wanting anyone around.
I'm tired of the world we live in.
I'm tired of how stupid we're all acting.
I'm tired of living, but I don't want to die.
I'm tired of being tired.

As I sit here and put these words together, I am not any more morose or melancholy than any other day. You may know me as funny--or trying to be--or happy. And I am. At least the happy part. But every single day, I feel all the rest of the things I listed above, sometimes multiple times. I have been sharing my grief life as openly as possible with you. I am not always okay, and that's okay. I may not be okay at a deep level; I don't know but I suspect that it's true. I may never be okay again; also a possibility.

Am I writing this now because I just had a birthday and feel old? I don't think so. Am I doing it because I really feel "old" now? In other words, am I tired because I feel old? Perhaps. I certainly don't feel as young as I used to. Am I just feeling the effects of long term depressive episode brought on by a traumatic incident? Probably. Again, I don't know.

I do know that I said I would share the experience with you. But I'm not doing it for the attention or sympathy or as a plea for help. Not for this entry anyway. I do not want to have any comments made on this post; I will delete them. I cannot stop you from "liking" it (without blocking you, and I don't want to do that) and so I respectfully ask that you refrain from doing so. It may be unbelievably tempting, but please, just don't. Feel free to continue to do so with any of my other posts. Seeing your responses is a highlight of my day. Everyday. But this one is different. You need to know that everyday is a process.

If you have never experienced a close personal loss, maybe this will help you when that time comes. If you have, then you know and this can be a reminder. Life is unrelenting in it's forward movement. It goes on whether we try to withdraw from it or not. I am not withdrawing. Not entirely, anyway, and I am still optimistic that "things will turn around". Part of that, of course, is up to me. And part is letting things work themselves out. It's not easy, folks, but not much about life really is, is it? What I want you to know from this--the "takeaway" as it were--is that no matter how dark it gets for me (and hopefully for you), there is always that tiny part of me that says, "the night will fade away, as it always has every morning since the beginning of the world. Wait for it, the sun will rise, the dawn will gradually break, and darkness will flee as it always has."

Get through this life as best you can. There's still a lot in this world to be happy about and to marvel at. Enjoy what moments you can, and they will give you what you need when things aren't so great.

Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for "listening". Have a great day.

WHY??

2017-11-05T08:58:00.007-05:00

I lost my wife of nearly 28 years just over seven months ago. I have spent the time since trying to find purpose in a suddenly meaningless existence. I do not write this to garner sympathy for myself because--boo hoo--I'm having an existential crisis. I am quite capable of feeling sorry for myself without any outside help. My issue is this: I want to live in a world that I can live with. (Don't we all?) But as I look at the world around me, I find it less and less like the world I always thought it was. Or at least as it was meant to be (more on that in a moment). Where once I held hope and optimism, I now see only ugliness in the form of pettiness, hatred and tragedy. Everywhere I look, there is an undercurrent of conflict and divisiveness. No one appears to care about Truth, Beauty, Compassion or Justice. I want to live, to continue living, even though my primary reason for doing so has been taken from me. But I find that I don't want to live in the world as it is now. The world has made it very difficult for me to want to go on living.

There are flaws in my world view. And there is more than a single source for these flaws. There are quite a few, in fact. Some come from within, others are strictly external. Let me try to break it down.

Obviously, a serious argument can be made that the reason I feel the way that I do is that I am still reeling from grief, a powerful source of emotion. I feel wronged by the cosmos in a very intimate way. I have been "wronged" before and have always come back; I have prided myself on my resilience. I've taken a lot of hits in the past. Maybe, because I'm "old" now, I just took one too many, maybe I finally just broke. In the past, I always had the inner belief that things would get better. I'm not so sure this time around. Maybe this loss has cut me deep in ways I have never encountered before. But I should still have hope, shouldn't I?

This brings me to the second internal "flaw". Perhaps I was (as I like to call it) stupidly optimistic in times before. Maybe my world and the world around me has always sucked. History and my own experience has ample evidence that this is true. There have always been wars and disease and disasters. Murders and brutality and deceit. Read the news, read a book. Look at me. But there is beauty and intelligence and charity out there. I've seen those as well. So the "world" isn't "perfect", but it has Good to balance the Evil, Light to chase away the Darkness, Life to combat Death, Love to conquer All. Karma and Justice happen. Or at least statistically they will whether or not someone makes them happen. And statistically, Justice fails, Karma gets deferred. Balance. But someone has their thumb on the scales, don't they? Don't worry, it will all even out over time. Tell that to the wrongly convicted, the falsely accused, the mercilessly tortured and executed. Where is their Justice? How will Karma serve them? Down the road in another life? What about Now?

The here and now is all we have. And it's my Now that I'm having trouble with. I see the world now as it is presented to me through the television and the internet. And once upon a time through newspapers and history books. (History books? Yes, the present is firmly and unbreakably rooted in the past. So I gathered insight into the Now by looking at the Then.) But there is an inherent problem with acquiring knowledge in this way: the knowledge is filtered through the subtext of whomever presents it, and it is left to me to interpret the truth using my own filter of my own subtext. It is the two-edged sword of Truth. George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Or at least it is said that he said that, or something like it. The problem is that for true communication to take place, the message that is intended must be received as it was intended. Failure for this to occur led to the creation of the word "misunderstanding". This, of course, can lead to horrible, sometimes catastrophic consequences.

But things go deeper than that. Because the intent might be to deceive or "misrepresent". When I go to a news website, I go with the intent to learn what is new in the world. Not everyone does. Some people go to find out what other people think about what is new in the world. In this way they might be able to gather a more insight. Or they might be able to reinforce what they already believe. There is a danger in this. My news sources may themselves may have the facts wrong or be outright lying. What am I to believe? This is an instance where "democracy" fails. Just because there might more people who believe an untruth than people who don't, doesn't suddenly elevate the untruth to Truth. We now stand upon the mountain-nay, the mountain range--that has been dubbed "Ulam's Dilemma". Paraphrased by Reuben Hersh, it states: "If the number of theorems is larger than one can possibly survey, who can be trusted to judge what is 'important?'" In other words (paraphrasing a paraphrase further; am I diluting the truth?), with so much "information" out there, it is virtually impossible to know what to believe. Solomon in the book of Eccesiates wrote, "And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh." (Chapter 12, verse 12) Extend the meaning of books to include websites, et al. and that's a whole lot of reading. The information "out there" is what we have, right? What else do we have? Our own potentially flawed inner compass? Short of trusting our own judgment, we can only do what we call "best effort" at work. And hope for the best. (pesky Hope again...)

Best effort is a simple two word construct that beautifully describes "all we can do". Best effort requires two ingredients which are laid out for us in the very term. First, we must do the best we can to discern the truth. We should not simply accept at face value the first thing or anything we read. We should read about other opinions. Form our own opinions with a wide variety of sources. Get a feel for the "type" of people that hold these opinions. Are they credible? Did they do any research themselves" Or are they just spouting off things they've heard, or things they already believe and have done just enough research to support their position while ignoring those whose whose opinions support the opposite? Are they shutting off their ears and brains simply to join the crowd? Do they mock the opposition and engage in confrontation instead of welcoming rational debate and being open to other ideas? The second element is effort, some of which I have already detailed above. Do the work. Do the research. Don't let someone else "speak" for you, or worse think for you. Form your own opinions.

In my experience, most people who have negative opinions (and that is a very "diplomatic" expression with reference to some of the things I have read) about groups of people--chose and insert your favorite demographic here--have never even met, let alone talked or had any other kind of interaction with anyone associated with the group. How in the world can you form an opinion about an entire group of people based upon the words and deeds of a few of the people from that group, whose own members might be disagreeing with? It's possible that 99.999% of that group agrees with you on almost everything (except your hatred of them as a group), and you don't even know it. Why? Because you never hear anything about them. You never hear anything from them. And, most telling, you don't know any of them. They are living in their little world just like you are. They are quiet. You don't even notice them, unless something about them (their color, their speech, their funny clothes) brings them to your attention. Oh, they're one of "them". No, they're not. Not necessarily. They might be, but you don't know. How can you? You've never spoken to them.

I'm told that America is broken and divided and torn up. That things are terrible right now and we need to fix or there won't be an America. That might be true. But when has it ever been any different here? It has always been broken and divided and torn up for someone. Anytime we look back at history and say, "Yeah, things were much better then", we aren't looking at the ones from the same period who didn't have it better. And while the groups that have had it worse have changed from one period to the next, the story has not. There has always been a group--most times more than one--that has been on the outside of the alright. And even the ones who were alright have always been divided. And guess what? The whole world is in the same mess and has been from the beginning. You read and hear about it every freakin' day. Everywhere. Since the beginning. This is nothing new. It only seems worse now because we are in the middle of it. I grew up during the Cold War's greatest hits. And Viet Nam was the only reality show on the TV. At home we all lived under the constant threat of nukes blasting us out of existence, while on the other side of the world we were very accurately keeping and reporting of the body count of our Armed Forces who were battling someone because someone else higher up told them to while being protested at home. Please tell me again that things are worse now. I'm listening. Dial it back a few years and we had World War II. Was that the better time? The Great Depression? World War I? How about the Civil War? (Something, something, slavery, Lincoln) Or the American Revolution? Our country couldn't come up with a workable Constitution until 13 years after the Declaration of Independence because they couldn't agree on it. Of course the decision to separate from England was a hard-fought battle of words in the first place. Should I even mention what followed after Columbus made the trip? One of the favorite games we played was Cowboys and Indians (Cops and Robbers, and Army were the other two), and guess who had to be the losers every time? Well it had to be that way because, Movies.

I mentioned these events from history, because those are the ones I learned about in school. All horrible things in America's past. But what about the times between the wars? Surely all was good then. Um, nope. A lot of things in the history books didn't mention all. And that list is a whole longer than the one I gave above. Things I can't even believe could, let alone did, happen in the Land of the Free. And that's just American History. Pull the camera back and shit has been going on all over the world since there has been a world. We are simply continuing the cycle. Can it be stopped? Slowed down? Reversed? I don't know. I only know what I read and hear.

So where does that leave me? (And by that I mean "Us".) As I survey my own small part of the "World", one thing does become clear. I am surrounded by an enormous group of people made up of family, friends, associates, and acquaintances that have vast amounts of empathy and compassion in their being, right next to their intelligence, humor, honesty, courage and fairness. It is to the point, at least in some cases, that the lines between family and friends, friends and associates becomes more than a little blurred. What I don't see is a bunch of people screaming at each other because of some "difference", be it political, religious, economic or social. In my day to day interactions, most of the time, I am not aware of their belief system or country of origin or their preferences. I like a lot of people, many of whom might very well not like each other. I like a few people who are frankly quite unlikable. I don't have to believe the same thing they do or come from where they do or like the same things they do or look like them or act like them or even talk like them. But here's what I think is important about this. We don't shoot each other or try to burn each others houses down or throw rocks at each other. We don't even raise our voices at each other unless we were personally hurt by them. We get along. We tolerate each other's quirks. We might get annoyed with one another and we try to work it out. We don't call each other names (unless we're real close and have both decided it's okay to do so and it's all in fun). Husbands and boyfriends out there, really, be honest, how many arguments have you won with your wife or girlfriend by calling them a bitch and really meaning it? Did it help the situation any? Even a little?

So about this world as I see it. Yeah, it's messed up out there. But I don't think the problem is as big or as two-sided as everyone is being lead to believe. We're told we are "polarized". But are we? It's easy to put things in terms of Us and Them, especially when we don't actually know Them. I look around and all I see is Us. One big Us. And it's up to Us to find a way. So in spite of everything else, I still have hope and stupid optimism. Because of the people I know. I don't think most of the people in America, or even the World, are that different from one another. Sure there are extremes and extremists, but not most of us. And we are the ones who are going to have to find our voices and take action to let everyone else know the world is still worth living in. And I can live with that. And that is why.

A Long Time Coming

2017-10-21T17:37:00.003-04:00

Welcome to my humble blog. It been a few years since I started this. I am finally getting around to rebooting it.

My original posts seem inane to me now. But they were apparently what I thought was "important" at the time. Musings based on current affairs with a "humorous" twist. Eh. I am no longer amused by them so I pulled 'em.

My hope with this reboot is to discuss deeper matters. Political, religious, and--yes--philosophical topics. That is not to say I won't be delving into more trivial subjects now and then; my interests run the gamut of human experience. I love cars. I love comic books. And movies of all kinds. I am into science fiction, fantasy and horror. I love all things science and history and art. Sooo, pretty much anything is fair game.

I hope people will comment on my offerings. I want you to share your point of view. I don't mind if you disagree with me, but I hope that your tone remains civil. Say what you will about me, but don't be insulting to others who may post a comment.

This may be the most boring post I have ever written, but I wanted to do something by way of an introduction that gave a sense of my intent. Every blog everywhere has an agenda, or at least a focus or sense of purpose. This is mine. To begin earnest and rational dialogues with the intent of informing and in turn being informed. To communicate what is in my head and my heart. With you. My dear reader. That together we may come to an understanding of truth.

Or not.