Out of the Overflow

2012-02-19T22:10:00.000-06:00

From a few weeks ago:

It's dreary and rainy outside today. The rustle of the bushes up against the house and the soft drizzle I see on the window make me glad I'm staying in for most of the day. But I love it. Little people sleep longer on days like this, and when they are awake they want to cuddle under blankets and listen to book after book. We've done a few chores today, but mostly we've just snuggled.

In all honestly, I prefer the sun over grey skies. Summer is my season, and I love the heat and the vitamin D-induced mental stability. :) But I have learned to see the benefits of a day without sun - and other less than favorite circumstances too.

The Lord has been teaching me about His perspective recently - learning to be thankful for what He brings instead of only viewing it from my own vantage point. Because there are always two ways to look at something. Just like grey skies. Will I choose to really see His hand in things? Or will I focus on what I would rather be doing?

For me, this has been the key to joy - thankfulness in all things.

Today while I was studying for BSF, this thought jumped out at me in the notes. It was in reference to Paul's third missionary journey {we're studying Acts}, and the continuous persecution and physical and spiritual hardships he faced along with his daily tent-making. Yet some of his weightiest books were written during this time.

Let us not pray for easier lives but for greater power...blessing out of every pressure and trial.

It challenged me - when I am tempted to be discouraged or overwhelmed, I can cast myself on Him and ask for extra strength to face the trial. Who knows what blessing God will bring out of it!

_

From today:

The kids are in bed, and Dave is out getting the last of my groceries for the week, sweet guy that he is. Tomorrow the boys are out of school, so I didn't want to grocery shop on their day off - and besides, after my last grocery shopping trip with everyone {after which I called him and ranted on and on}, he informed me that I need to stop doing that {shopping with kids, not the ranting, although he'd probably prefer I not do that either}. I should say, the kids aren't really the problem...they are pretty well-behaved in the store, actually. It is more that I can't think when I'm in there with everyone, or even a few of them. And that leads to very lengthy shopping trips and major frustration on my part. Pretty sure this fourth kid is just sending me over the edge. ;) How did I ever manage multiple patients in the ICU??? Anyway, he is sweet, and always has a solution to every problem I ever face {smile}. Today that meant I went to Aldi in the afternoon, and he went to Dillons for me later. Love him.

I have been sitting here praying over this crazy week ahead, asking the Lord for grace and strength to do His will each day. On paper, it looks almost impossible, and I'd already rather hide at home instead {not an option}. But I was reminded again of what I wrote above, and how an easier life is not my goal. More blessing from the Lord, more of His strength, more glory to Him - these are my goals. I think I will be praying a lot this week!

Here is my list of thanks for the week - the Lord has been so faithful to me:

130. Mondays and the chance to lay all my plans at His feet

131. Sick girlie snuggles

132. Rearrangement of schedules

133. A very kind Headmaster who understands boys

134. Encouragement from those who have already trekked this road

135. Give Them Grace

136. Valentine's breakfast with the fam

137. A gentle dentist

138. Saturday jobs

139. Peace in our home

140. The most loving, amazing daddy for my children

141. Snuggling the oldest - a rarity!

142. Sushi and dark chocolate, a grocery store treat from my dearest

143. God's evident goodness, despite the raging storms in my heart that threaten daily to overturn my boat. Yet He remains faithful to His Word and to His character; my part is simply to cling to Him.

5 months

2012-02-02T23:24:00.002-06:00

My little guy is 5 months old.

I am just cherishing these sweet days with him.

Things I want to remember:

He's cooing and giggling, just start screeching too. He has found his voice!
He loves to grab for toys
Sometimes he sleeps through the night, sometimes he doesn't. Getting close though.
He rarely fusses.
Still wearing 3-6 month clothing.
Loves his exersaucer.

I'm still eating dairy free for the babe - he is worth it though! He is a much happier guy when I do!

Saturday update

2012-01-21T16:03:00.002-06:00

The weekend is here, and we are relishing it. I love to relax with my precious babies, watch my big boys play sports, eat long meals all together {and laugh - lots of laughter}, and just get to know them. Every time I look around the table, I feel so incredibly blessed.

Little man is growing, almost 5 months old. World's easiest baby, I'm pretty sure. He is such a delight to us all - we cannot get enough of his sweet cheeks with tiny dimples. He gets kissed a lot around here.

He sleeps through the night and takes nice long naps for momma, and the rest of the time he is generally a happy participant along for the ride that is our crazy life. Oh, but we love our crazy life.

Clare is beginning to potty train {although I am reluctant...why do I dread this so much? Probably my least favorite milestone}. She is our little chatterbox, and is naturally joyful and talkative most of the time. I am never lonely. :)

We realized the other day that she has been learning the boys' Sunday School verses with them. Isaiah 9:6,7 is really long, but she can pretty much do the whole thing without help. Pretty cute to hear a 2 year old with a lisp recite, "The government shall be upon His shoulder..."

The other day I heard her singing to her babies, "Hosana, Hosana, Hosana in the forest..." :)

{new hat from Grandma Renes}

I don't have any pictures of the older two. They don't stay still long enough for me to catch them, and when they're all home I usually don't have time to pick up the camera anyway. We're in the midst of an overlap of sports sessions - indoor soccer and basketball - and they both play both.

Today they both had soccer games at noon, on side by side fields. :)

Simon is playing with the boys he played fall soccer with - 3 of them go to CPLS with him, and they practice every day at recess. He has improved so much since the fall. I've been encouraged to see him growing up a bit, pushing himself harder even when he's tired, learning to think as a team instead of just as an individual. Simon is just so competitive - team sports help with that, I think. It's an outlet for healthy competition, but there is a chance to learn to share the spotlight and to work with others. Kinda like being a part of a big family. That helps too. :)

The indoor soccer games are out south of town, and we've been having lunch afterwards at different mom and pop cafes out there. Today the sweet waitress complimented our kids on their good behavior right before we left, and afterward Simon leaned over to Dave and said, "Yes! Do we get a trophy because we were so good??"

Nice. Not all of life is a sport, little boy.

Ethan played really well today, more aggressive than I've probably ever seen him play. He came out of the game red faced and sweating like a pig - made me laugh. He is a natural at soccer, especially indoor. Since there are no out of bounds, the play hardly ever stops. And constant running has never been a problem for that boy. ;)

It's been a wonderful Saturday, slow and fun. We're just so thankful for time to spend together today and with God's people tomorrow too.

2012-01-07T20:10:00.002-06:00

It's semi-quiet in my house tonight. The game is on in the other room, but compared to the noise of regular life with kids, it's hardly noticeable. ;) Recently Dave and I have been cracking up because there will be 2 or 3 of our kids at a time singing {different songs} in the same room...it is sorta comical, but mind-numbing too. I know there could be worse things, I really do, but still, if you sat through the crazy that is dinner time with us, you'd understand...

Today was a good day though.

Not without it's issues or attitudes to adjust. But still, it was relatively peaceful, and I'm finding myself very thankful tonight. Pretty sure a lot of it just has to do with my attitude. :) The Lord has been challenging me to examine my tendency toward defeat - and wow, it has been hitting me hard.

You know, we'd never allow our kiddos to spend a lot of time wallowing about how they can't obey because its too hard, that would obviously be something we'd want to talk them through. To teach them that obedience is simply a choice, and that they must determine to obey with the Lord's help even when its hard.

But here I am. I have cried to the Lord many times in the past year {and to Dave} that what He has asked of me is just too hard. I've felt beaten down, overwhelmed, not able to keep up...basically, a defeatist attitude. I don't always feel that way, but there have been many moments like that, when the pressures of raising 4 young children get to me and there doesn't seem to be enough of me to go around.

I am so thankful that the Lord loves me enough to still use me, despite my resistance. That He stretches me, asks hard things of me, strips me of anything I was clinging to...so that I won't be able to keep going in my own strength and will have to cast myself on Him for help.

He is so very faithful to me. When I really take the time to open my eyes to the goodness of my God in my life, it's overwhelming, really.

Continuing to list my thanks...my soul needs this exercise.

113. Good days

114. Dairy free chocolate

115. Books finally read

116. An 8 year old in the house

117. His obviously unique qualities and enthusiasm for life - cannot wait to see him as an adult!

118. An excuse for us all to eat healthier

119. Completed laundry day - this is a good feeling!

120. Time to spend in the Word

121. New phones

122. Listening to my love talk to Siri

123. Hearing the 2 year old quote her older brothers' memory verses - priceless!

124. Dimples

125. Good reports from school

126. Sweet friends for my darlings

127. Watching the boys play legos with their sister

128. Sweet arms that grab my neck to hug me

129. A husband who gets me, but still points me to the truth

Ethan's 8th Birthday

2012-01-07T15:49:00.003-06:00

Eight years ago our oldest son joined our family, and I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a dull moment since. :)

Ethan, we love you so much and thank God for every day we've spent with you. You are enthusiastic - always planning what we're going to do next. You are so smart - concepts at school come very easily to you, and you rarely struggle with school. You are friendly, light-hearted, and fun to be around. Your dad and I have been so impressed this year with the character God has been developing in your life too. We've seen you make hard choices and learn to submit to authority even when you don't understand why. This is precious to us!

One of the most special things about your 7th year is that you came to know the Lord as your personal Savior a few months ago. There is nothing more worthwhile than living for Him! We know He has amazing plans for your life, and we pray that you will seek to follow Him as you grow.

Yesterday we took Jayhawk cupcakes up to the school to celebrate. Half the class boo'd us as we walked in. ;)

Playing Heads Up, Seven Up with the class

Chosen birthday gift - a snowboard. :)

Celebrating with the other just-turned 8 year old

Happy birthday, sweet boy!

Jones

2012-01-01T21:05:00.002-06:00

We call him Jones, or Jonesy, or Super Grover. Nicknames are big at our house. :)

He is such a delight to all of us - his calm temperament and easy smiles make him pretty irresistible.

4 months is a fun age. He is playing with toys, sitting in his exersaucer, laughing at his siblings.

One of the sweetest things about Jonas is that he loves to cuddle. He'd happily snuggle in my arms for a nap any day. But he easily lays down in his crib too - so, best of both worlds!

I love this little sweetie.

It's a magical age

2011-12-31T00:03:00.003-06:00

Oh how I love my little Clare Bear.

She loves all things girly. Princesses, dress up, baby dolls, jewelry, make up...pink.

2 1/2 years old and she already talks my ear off. Her happy chatter makes my day though.

Tonight at bedtime she said, "Sing me a song, Momma," as she wrapped her sweet little arms around my neck. "A song about kitties."

So I did. :)

Can I just bottle these days up and make them last forever????

I'm Back

2011-11-23T21:39:00.003-06:00

I started running again a few weeks ago. Granted I'm not running that far yet, or for very long, but I have really missed it. The chance to pound out miles...all the while pounding out my problems too. I do most of my thinking and praying while I'm running, maybe just because it is the one time during the day when I'm not in survival mode or needed at once by every kid in the room, I don't know. But as soon as I get on that treadmill and the endorphins start flowing, I find myself overwhelmed with thankfulness for this blessed little life I lead.

Even though the past year has literally been the hardest thing I have ever done.

There has been shock over a new pregnancy, months of severe morning sickness, extreme mommy guilt over missing out on so much because of it...and then now that he's here, it has been even harder, to be honest. So much to juggle. So many little needs - emotional, behavioral, spiritual needs. I have 4 children now, and they are all so important to me! It breaks my heart to turn a child away to wait while I try to soothe a screaming baby.

{But Jonas doesn't scream much anymore, thankfully. When he was about 8 weeks old I figured out that he was sensitive to dairy, so I've been eating diary free for the last month. Good news is, he is happy and content most of the time now...and I have lost 5 lbs in the process. :) Turns out a lot of what I like to eat falls into the dairy category. }

The last couple of weeks have been so much better - still hard at times, but there have been glimpses of the sweet gift of having a family of 6 too. And that God is good all the time.

It's been awhile since I listed His gifts, so tonight I'm thankful for -

97. Laughter around the table

98. Our nightly talks with the boys

99. The special bond we see forming between certain look-alike siblings

100. Help from family

101. Dairy-free chocolate

102. Daily reports home from a precious teacher who loves our son

103. The conviction that came after much prayer and discipline

104. A 5 year old's excitement over salvation!

105. That both my boys professed to come to know Him this month

106. Grief over sin

107. A husband who doesn't lose heart

108. Restored fellowship with sons, and the closeness that it brings

109. Basketball season

110. Obvious fruit in little people's lives

111. Sharing morning devotions with my oldest

112. Renewed passion for motherhood

10:30 pm - can I turn out the lights now?

2011-09-13T20:51:00.005-06:00

Today was a good day. It really was, especially when I look back on it and realize how much I accomplished, 3 weeks post partum. And yet I cried real tears twice, over things that shouldn't have been a big deal on their own. Once was just a little while ago, after our very long day of running around all over the place {Tuesdays are just nuts around here}. Clare spilled the remains of her watermelon slush on the carpet, and I just couldn't help it. The craziness of the day caught up with me and for a few seconds I allowed myself to think, I am not sure I can do this!

There's been errands to run, park play dates, lunches to pack, poopy explosion diapers {and not just from the newborn}, a broken garage door, 2 trips to the school, a very short nap {for me and the girl}, a 2 year old who very obviously needs lots of training, dinner, soccer practice, then kids club at church, and a wailing baby in the car wherever we went {I'm thinking he's not a big fan of the car seat - poor him!}.

In between I've run 2 loads of laundry, talked to the neighbor, nursed the babe 3 times in the car, worked on the kids club verse with the boys, run home for cleats and shin guards, turn around and come back again for the soccer ball. After kids club, I came home to nurse the babe again and tidy up for Dave's Bible study. He just got home a few minutes ago - had to meet a contractor after hours. Life doesn't slow down for him when we have a baby - for some reason, it actually seems to get all the more busy. ;)

So yeah, my life feels a little nutty right now. :)

Oh, but when he half-smiles in his sleep..

...the precious gift of another little life to be trained for God makes me grateful, for even the *hard* days.

I love how Jonas burrows down under one arm or the blanket when he sleeps. Makes him look like he's hiding from us. Maybe he is... I'd hide if I were him. ;)

Shirtless little boys and other after school stuff

2011-09-12T21:13:00.003-06:00

If I were choosing an after school hobby for my boys, I'd never pick skate boarding. Isn't it a little dangerous??? I can't believe we've survived this summer without any broken bones, to be honest.

But they love it. And thanks to Shawna, we now own a ramp for cool tricks and stuff. ;)

Simon isn't quite as daring as Ethan yet, but he is getting it. And he wins points for best tan.

More tricks. Just now realized he's wearing flip flops. What the heck?!

My cutie patootie.

Meanwhile Jonas and Mom enjoy some quality time on the porch.

Ethan and Simon keep asking when they can teach him to skateboard. ;)

And now we're officially that BIG family

2011-09-10T20:38:00.005-06:00

Our little man has arrived. Jonas Grove was born 2 Wednesdays ago, and we are loving him to pieces.

For the most part, I would call him a very easy baby. Not overly fussy - if at all - and loves to sleep. Tolerant of the many kisses he is given every day from adoring siblings {and mama}.

When he's sleeping, he makes the same squeaking noise that Ethan used to make when he was a newborn. :)

He was our smallest baby - 7 lbs, 1 oz, and 20 inches long - but with feet as big as these, he'll likely catch up and fit in with the rest of our brood. :)

A fussy moment - funny how it doesn't bother me as much, fourth time around.

Jonas was tongue-tied at birth, just like Ethan and Clare. We were so thankful for a pediatric hospitalist trained to do frenectomies, so he didn't have to wait a week to see the oral surgeon {and consequently have trouble nursing in the meantime. Now he is a pro!}.

We are continually praising God for our sweet boy and for His loving care over us throughout this whole pregnancy and delivery. It has been a crazy year - difficult for all of us - but we would say he is worth it. Love him so much!

Estes trip, part 2

2011-07-22T22:16:00.004-06:00

The second half of our week in Estes we stayed down around town - we rented boats, picnicked, biked, shopped, took naps, did lots of reading, went swimming, ate lots of homemade ice cream from shops downtown and took walks around our cabin. There was some excitement when a chipmunk got into the house one evening, especially since my dad had just broken his glasses and was wandering around blindly in the living room with a big stick. :)

I think our boys' favorite day was when we packed a lunch and headed to the park to play...some neighbor boys joined them, the nerf guns came out, and all of a sudden there was a major nerf war going on. All the boys against Dave and Nate. And then the sprinkler system came on... it was boy heaven. ;)

The day we spent at Lake Estes was beautiful. We rented a pontoon boat and a fishing boat for a little while and went a few times around the lake.

Camp fires and s'mores also make little boys happy. :)

And playing cars outdoors. It doesn't take much, really. :)

I was so very thankful for the gift of this vacation. It was a chance to escape the heat {which, for this pregnant momma, was simply amazing}, but the family time was so precious too. I love that our kids are old enough to really do things with now. They all love being active, and it makes me excited for the future and how much fun we are going to have together. Even Clare was such a trooper on our hikes - she is one strong girl!

I don't have any pictures of Michael on this trip or Aaron Quinlisk, but they were there with us Sunday through Tuesday. My kids adore their uncle and view him as a big playmate - thankfully he's a good sport. :) Aaron too.

We're home now and the temps in Kansas have been soaring. Well above 100 every day. Makes Colorado seem all the more dreamy right now. :)

Wish I was back there...

2011-07-21T23:08:00.003-06:00

We just got back from a wonderful week in Estes Park, Colorado - the whole Renes family stayed in a cabin together {except for Matt and Erica, who are in the midst of camp season right now}. It was wonderful weather, 70's during the day and 50's at night - which was such a relief from this heat wave that is hitting the midwest right now.

Today in Topeka the heat index was 111. Um yeah.

Just being in the cooler weather brought my activity level way up - I didn't think there was any chance I'd want to hike this trip {I'm 34 weeks now}, but I did and actually enjoyed it.

Ruth and I were a bit of a spectacle on the trails though - big pregnant bellies and lots of little kids running between us - made for lots of comments. :)

Tuesday was the beginning of Rooftop Rodeo, and there was a parade downtown to kick things off. Lots of pretty girls on horses mostly, and some firetrucks and farm equipment. Good ol' small town parade. The kids loved it {although Austin wasn't too sure when we first got there - hence the face ;) }.

Just down the hill from our cabin was Fun City - go carts, mini golf, bumper boats, etc... the kids begged to go any time there was a lull in activity. Pretty much every day. ;)

One of several elk we had venture right up to the cabin.

Night sky in Estes. More pictures to come!

Holiday weekend fun

2011-07-06T21:41:00.007-06:00

The evening of the 4th we went out to the farm for some BBQ and fireworks. My kids have no idea how lucky they are - I never even lit a sparkler until I was an adult. :)

Bruce and Penny's house is up for sale {they want to move into town}, so this may be last 4th we celebrate on their back porch. A tad sentimental, for sure. The Everhart farm is a treasure.

So is this man I married 9 years ago. {Almost} 4 kids later, I really can't imagine life without him. He is so loving, and gentle, and steady. I had no idea what an amazing husband and father he would be when we said our vows that hot day in July.

The two of us got away for a night t0 celebrate, while my parents watched the kids. So sweet of them. Not sure who enjoyed it more - us or the kids - because they really don't see enough of Grandma and Grandpa Renes. So it was a very special treat.

Dave took me shopping and out to an amazing seafood place, and we pretended we were young and not expecting our fourth and stayed up late and just had a great time together.

{In truth, I feel more like a beached whale than a newlywed, and its so hot that I find myself complaining altogether too much...but Dave is very tolerant of his very pregnant wife ;) }

We stayed at a beautiful hotel, slept until our eyes popped open, and then had a late breakfast. Just a perfect little getaway.

And then we came back to Kansas for the Everhart festivities. Always sure to be fun, and slightly dangerous. ;)

Yikes.

This view is for sale, by the way. :) They get the best sunsets out at the farm.

Clare's first sparkler was pretty exciting. I honestly don't believe a 2 year old is old enough to hold a burning stick, but her daddy apparently does. ;)

One last view of the sunset. So beautiful.

So many reasons to praise the Lord this week:

2011-07-04T22:52:00.009-06:00

82. Watching my son work hard to overcome a batting slump.

83. 3 hits in one game.

84. Date night, and a little closer to having a name for our son.

85. Sweet neighbor friend for the boys to play with.

86. A night away with my love.

87. King Salmon special.

88. Watching my kids play with an old friend's kids - hoping lasting friendships form!

89. Piles of fabric on my dining room table.

90. A bed for Clare.

91. Learning to let go {a bit} and trust Him with my children.

92. Collins Park parade - a hidden treasure

93. Shade

94. The special bond between my daughter and her Grandma Hart.

95. Lots of family time

96. 59 more days!

Slow summer days

2011-06-28T14:48:00.003-06:00

Oops. It's been almost 10 weeks since my last post. I didn't mean to let this part of my pregnancy go so undocumented, but with summer here, I guess I've been busy enough to stay off the computer.

I am so very thankful to be feeling less nauseous and more like my old self. Now it's just normal third trimester aches and pains - heartburn, achy back and legs, anemia - but I'll take this over the beginning any day.

And yet even this far into it, it still hardly feels real. In about 9 weeks I'll be holding our newborn son, and I seriously can't wrap my mind around it! Who is he? Will he be blond too? What is his name????? ;)

But the Lord is good, and His gifts to me, so evident! Here is my count from the last couple months:

70. Laid back summer days with my 3 blondies - what a precious gift this is!

71. Ice cold coke

72. Kansas heat {not quite so painful as Oklahoma heat}

73. The hospitality of family

74. The chance for my children to spend all summer with cousins - from both sides of the family

75. Afternoons spent swimming

76. A thriving garden and the thrill that it brings the kids

77. Finally feeling like I have a good home management routine down - a year after we've moved in, and in my third trimester no less!

78. Living a quiet life

79. The privilege of being a part of VBS this year

80. Another baseball season almost complete

81. Date nights with my love

Waiting on the Lord

2011-04-19T19:19:00.011-06:00

Ethan's class performed 3 of the parables that Jesus told a few weeks ago. It was absolutely precious to watch. They were all so excited about their lines and costume changes. And even though there were a few hilarious pauses during the show, they pulled it off pretty well. :)

Ethan was the narrator in the first scene, the parable of the Sower. He decided, after much deliberation, to wear his tuxedo from his Uncle Matt's wedding.

The seed that grew on good soil!

The parable of the good Samaritan. After watching Joe get beat up by ninjas, Simon is enthralled by this story. :)

And the final scene, the parable of the Prodigal Son.

Rejoicing when the son came home!

Oh, I just love 1st graders. :)

The last few weeks have been a bit more normal around here. I'm almost 21 weeks along, and every week that passes I feel a little bit better. Now the puking is only occasional {today for instance...sorry to be graphic}, but most days I can stay off meds and am starting to feel semi normal again. Except for this annoying tummy I'm developing of course. ;)

I saw my sweet son on the sono screen last week, and even though it still hardly feels real, I am excited to have a boy again. To raise another little man who will someday hopefully serve the Lord with his life...wow, it just seems like such a daunting task. So many hearts to assess, so many issues that need to be talked over...and I only have 2 that are currently talking! {well, Clare does talk, but you know what I mean :) }. I know this job description is only going to get broader. Lord, how can I be all I need to be for these kids? Give me wisdom to know how to address these issues of life with each child individually. Give me grace for this task. I feel very inadequate tonight!

Elizabeth Elliott wrote this little devotional thought in A Lamp For My Feet:

No Evidence of Progress
At times nothing seems to be happening. So it must be for the bird that sits on her nest. Things are apparently at a standstill. But the bird sits quietly, knowing that in the stillness something vital is going on, and in the proper time it will be shown. It takes faith and patience for the bird, and such faith and patience never seem to waver, day after day, night after night, as she bides the appointed time.
Restless and doubtful we wonder why we have nothing to show for our efforts, no visible evidence of progress. Let us remember the perfect egg--unchanged in its appearance from the day it is laid. But while the bird waits faithfully, doing the only thing she is required to do throughout those silent weeks, important things are taking place.
I wait for the Lord. My soul waits,
and in His word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more
than watchmen for the morning.
--(Ps 130:5, 6 RSV)

Made me think of parenting, and just how often there are phases of child training where there are very little visible results for all the effort we put in. Who knows what is going on in their little heads sometimes...and yet, my part, like the bird's, is to do what I'm supposed to do and wait faithfully for the Lord to do His work.

Because ultimately it is His work, isn't it?

2011-04-12T20:00:00.001-06:00

BOY!!!!!

It's a Friday and that means Date Night!

2011-04-08T19:54:00.015-06:00

Now that things have calmed down considerably, pregnancy wise, we have resumed our date night routine with Rex and Shawna. We started this back when Simon was a newborn, and he is five now. The times we've had to take a short break {due to pregnancies or busy schedules}, the kids have missed it so much.

It is especially fun when the weather is gorgeous and the evening can be spent outside.

I love to sit and watch it all go down, who plays with who, and what elaborate pretend scenarios they come up with. Tonight Camryn started out with Simon, eating their pancake dinner atop the playhouse roof {bad idea with drinks they found out}...but by the end of the night, she and Clare were playing house upstairs by themselves. All the dolls out, rocking them and putting them to sleep. It was precious, and Clare was in heaven! No one in our family plays like that with her!

Brooklyn and Simon often end up together, and tonight was no exception. She suggested Wii, and of course he was all about that. :)

Meanwhile, the first-borns and Dave played some version of HORSE. Dave won't tell me who won. ;)

Date nights make my heart happy. When we go out, yes, but we when stay in too. The friendships our kiddos have developed through these years are priceless. And they are all just a lot of fun to be around.

Continuing with my list of thanks! The Lord is good, and reflecting on the blessing that date has been in our lives reminds me of all the other things I've noticed this week:

55. Spring and the hope that it brings!

56. A lawn greening up in just a few short days - its mowing season!

57. Farm work day

58. The preciousness of a family working together

59. A place for the boys to run and play all day, covered in mud

60. Open windows at night

61. Bible study in our home again

62. A reason to make cookies :)

63. 25 free preschool chairs - God's loving provision!

64. The amazing power of God seen in 80 mph winds

65. A swing set still standing (so many families we know lost theirs)

66. 19 weeks!

67. More good days now than bad

68. Sweet little kicks

69. Sono scheduled for Tuesday

What's your guess?????

Failures and Perspective

2011-03-29T21:55:00.007-06:00

Last week was a gift. Spring break - all my babies were home with me. I had weaned off Zofran, and was feeling wonderful! I couldn't even believe how amazing it felt just to have the energy to be out of bed all day and be able to fully participate in life. It's been a long three months. :)

We had company several times during the week, and hosted a baby shower one night. I shot hoops with my boys for hours. Friends stopped by, stayed awhile. I was managing dinner instead of sending Dave for take-out. :) Every bit of my house was clean. I was actually keeping up with things around here. It was magical!

Really, it was just normal stuff {the kind of ordinary days I had pre-pregnancy}, but I couldn't stop reveling in the beauty of the life the Lord has blessed me with. It was like I was seeing things through new eyes....maybe I was.

When Saturday brought nausea again, I was determined to press forward anyway with plans for a girls night out with some of my dear friends. Dave convinced me take a Zofran, despite how much I wanted to be off those wretched things. I managed to make it through the night, and had such a good time...pedicures at a salon, antique shopping and dinner at Teller's. But I probably wasn't the best of company, since I couldn't eat {and made frequent trips to the bathroom...ugh!}...by the end of the night, I knew it was getting bad and I needed to go back on my meds.

Sunday was more of the same.

I pulled myself out of bed anyway, downed some more meds, and made it to church. Dave suggested I stay home, but I was just longing for encouragement. Needing to hear from God. Feeling nauseous and puking again was disappointing - one week and I had completely changed my expectations for how my days would go. I should know by now not to form expectations about anything while pregnant. :P

We were late, but we hurried in and I just collapsed on the second row...hardly any seats left when you show up late! Dave headed straight for the front since he was leading adult Sunday School. We're going through the book of Matthew right now, and this week he was going to finally finish chapter 17.

During his message, he shared a simple thought about the Lord Jesus that really struck me. At the end of the chapter, Peter is asked if His Master should pay the temple tax, and Jesus questions his answer to the tax collectors. He had just shown Himself in His glory to him and James and John on the mount of transfiguration. When they came back down, immediately Jesus was faced with the failures and frustrations of His disciples. They couldn't heal the boy with the demon, and He explained how the Lord's work requires intimacy with the Father and self-denial ... and then pointed them to what they should really focus on,

²² When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. ²³ They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.” And the disciples were filled with grief.

In the midst of their discouragement and failure, He wanted them to take joy in His perspective.

Instead, all they saw was a reason to sorrow. {The disciples were apparently people like me...ha! A tad short sighted and easily pessimistic...}

Right after that is the portion where the tax collectors approach Peter and ask him if Jesus paid the temple tax. Being the Son of God, He shouldn't have needed to pay the tax - and Jesus gently rebukes Peter for his lack of defense for Him. But I love what He says next -

²⁷ “But so that we may not cause offense, go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours.”

Dave brought out the point that statistically the odds were beyond impossible of Peter finding that one fish that had the coin in its mouth. Why didn't Jesus just hand Peter a coin to pay the tax? Why send him on a seemingly crazy task?

It seems very precious to me that the Lord Jesus showed Himself to Peter in this way. Despite the bigger picture and His plan of salvation that included His death, the Lord cared about the everyday things in Peter's life too. And He showed Himself able to do the improbable...with just His spoken word.

I sat there on the second row, and felt the same encouragement that Peter must have felt all those years ago when he pulled his line in and checked the mouth of that fish. My God is a God of the impossible! And He cares...even about my earthly troubles.

Yes, He has a bigger plan, and yes, He wants me to grasp it. But He also wants to meet my needs in ways that blow me away. To show Himself faithful in my every day life.

To get me through these impossible days. When I am throwing up and spent, and pink eye rages through the family, and then some new virus strikes. When my human tendency is to sorrow and say, "I can't do this!" and lift my eyes from my apparent failure and show me instead His greater perspective.

Simon turns 5!

2011-03-20T08:31:00.008-06:00

A few weeks ago we celebrated Simon's birthday at the gymnastics place in town. A few friends and family {Grandma and Grandpa Renes were in town}, cupcakes with sprinkles, and a medal for the birthday boy - the perfect 5 year old party!

What a difference a year makes in a young boy's life...I love looking back on my kids' birthdays and thinking about how much they have changed and grown up. In many ways Simon is still my cuddly little boy {and I am going to miss him so much next year when he goes to school!}, but he is undeniably maturing, moving past the toddler stage.

I never thought I'd see the day something replaced his love of the Cars movie, but Star Wars and Legos have taken over...in one short year. The box of Cars sits in the storage room in the basement, only pulled out for younger cousins now. Kinda makes me sad!

How can I describe the sweetness that is Simon? Even at 5, he still asks to snuggle with me. He is quick to offer hugs...to offer to help me make dinner. He is naturally affectionate with others. Already I think he will make a sweet husband someday.

And his smile...it just lights up his face and his eyes crinkle and disappear. I love Simon's smile!

But he is nothing if not fiercely competitive, but even in that, we've watched him grow up a little this year. Not so quick to throw a punch if the game doesn't go his way. Learning to work it out with words {if I had a dollar for every time I have reminded him to do this...}.

We attended Kindergarten Round Up a couple weeks ago, and it was such an exciting day for him. He is so ready to go and learn, and I am starting to get really excited for him. A year ago I was a little skeptical, I just couldn't imagine him being ready to leave my watch for that long. He has just been a squirrelly kid! Couldn't keep his hands to himself AT ALL! But watching him with other pre-kindergartners the other day I realized, he is ready...so ready. Praise the Lord for a little maturity!

Usually he is our healthy kid, but today Simon is home from church with a sore throat. And I am enjoying his cuddles. :) We're looking through his Star Wars Lego sticker book that he got for his birthday and remembering his gymnastics party fun. I just love my sweet little boy!

Midday rest for the Mama

2011-03-10T15:15:00.004-06:00

The temp on my computer reads 54, and my bedroom windows are open - a real taste of spring! That, and the fact that my boys are playing happily in the backyard together, concocting up some sort of pirate scheme complete with eye patches and drawn treasure maps, last I heard. I have missed our backyard so much this winter.

Meanwhile Clare sleeps on, wonderful napper that she is. She needs it today - she's had a little fever and just not been herself. Poor baby. She's ready for spring too.

I'm 15 weeks tomorrow {I think}, and definitely starting to feel better. Still quite dependent on Zofran some days, but others I can get by with just one pill or half and almost feel normal. My energy levels have picked up this last week, and I'm actually doing some simple cooking and cleaning and exercising again. And it feels amazing!

Granted, I still have some days that are 1st trimester all over again {usually when I've had a busy weekend or been on my feet all day the day before}, but having some break in the sickness is such a relief.

Many people have prayed for me, and helped me out during this time...and I am so very thankful. I long to be the one who can offer help again, instead of always being on the receiving end. It's a rather humbling place to be. :)

But it has been special too, to be ministered to. To see the Holy Spirit whispering in someone else's ear about me - to feel the Lord's care for me in a real physical way - it has given me so much encouragement. Really, I am seeing how much this practical *meeting the needs of the saints* thing matters, how necessary it is to lift up the weak ones in our group of believers, to do everything we can to keep them going. When we're struggling, we need to feel the Lord's care, and often He chooses to show it to us through people.

People who listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and obey.

This week I'm thankful for:

39. Glimpses of normal

40. 1 Zofran days

41. God's Word written so many years ago - alive and essential to my everyday life

42. Date night starting up again - sweet friends reunited

43. A bedroom {and ajoining bathroom} to relax in - it is beautiful!

44. A husband who paints

45. A changing shape

46. Hearing my love teach the Word of God

47. The preciousness of the legacy of Don Schonberg

48. The generations who follow the Lord because a man chose to lead well

49. Online job charts

50. Work ethics being developed

51. Watching my oldest sweep and mop the kitchen today - what?????

52. A ready kindergartner

53. A school we love

54. The body of Christ - and what that means practically

You're the Potter...I'm the Clay

2011-02-24T20:50:00.013-06:00

Going through pics tonight, and I came across these ones of Matt and Erica's wedding a few months ago. So fun!

Well, it's baby week 12. Can hardly believe it! :) In a way, these first trimester weeks are flying by, a blur of similar days. I wake up feeling great, attempt to get as much done before noon as I can, because I become pretty useless after that. But I've had a few really good days mixed in there, and twice this week I got dinner on the table. {Dave and I exchanged high fives, and then I collapsed to my nightly spot in bed, but still...an accomplishment} He has really held down the fort around here, in a way that I would never have imagined him capable of, back in our early years of marriage. Sweet, sweet Dave.

Despite the glimpses of second trimester I've experienced recently, my mind has been playing funny tricks on me. Swirling thoughts... Can I really do this? Remember what the last pregnancy was like? I feel so bad for being so sick all the time...how are my other 3 kiddos going to fare through all of this?? And for that matter, how am I ever going to manage 4 kids? Holy cow! It is all so very overwhelming to me. {for the record, Dave laughs when I get like this...}

In Bible study on Wednesday we were discussing Isaiah 44 and 45, and it was like the Lord bent down and answered me right there. Assured me of His plan....through a plan of His so many years ago.

The Lord was announcing that He was choosing a man who hadn't even been born yet, Cyrus, King of Persia, to release God's people from exile (which hadn't even started yet) and rebuild His city. Just one of many prophecies in the book of Isaiah. Cyrus was divinely set apart by God for a purpose, even though he was a Gentile and initially wouldn't even acknowledge the One True God.

What I found especially encouraging was God's gentle rebuke to His people. Maybe He knew how they would react to news of this prophecy, I don't know. But He says this to them in 45:9,

Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker,
those who are nothing but potsherds
among the potsherds on the ground.
Does the clay say to the potter,
‘What are you making?’
Does your work say,
‘The potter has no hands’?...

“This is what the LORD says—
the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:
Concerning things to come,
do you question me about my children,
or give me orders about the work of my hands?
It is I who made the earth
and created mankind on it.
My own hands stretched out the heavens;
I marshaled their starry hosts.
I will raise up Cyrus in my righteousness:
I will make all his ways straight.
He will rebuild my city
and set my exiles free...

It has been a gentle {or not so gentle} rebuke to me too.

This passage is quoted in the New Testament too, in Romans 9, in a discussion of God's sovereignty.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay?

I've read it many times over the course of my life, but the Lord used it Wednesday to remind me of my place...and to assure me of His plan. Despite how inadequate I may feel, He made me this way {morning sickness and all}, and He chose this job for me to do. And He is the One who chooses...not me. I cannot tell you how freeing it was for me to dwell on that.

Back to wedding pics...what an amazing weekend it was! We are truly so thankful for this girl the Lord brought into my brother's life.

My brother built the structure in the center of the room, at his bride's request. It turned out amazing, Matt!

I love this shot...

This sweet guy has served us all in so many ways these last few months. From making dinner after a long days of work, to running out for ice cream at all hours of the night. Cleaning toilets, and changing diapers...and pulling off a church family night here last weekend. Such a guy I married!

Humble thoughts

2011-02-16T13:00:00.002-06:00

My house is a mess.

There are dirty clothes on every bedroom floor, and dishes in my sink. My laundry is piled up high. Every time I look at the kitchen counter, all I see are the stuck on crumbs and sticky finger prints. Crusted on to the stove top are the remains of last night's dinner.

I snapped my eyes shut and walked away, up here to my bed where I can lay still for a bit while Clare naps. The mess is driving me crazy, yes, but I can't will myself to stay upright long enough to do anything about it. And that is really saying something...

Pregnancies (at least these last 2) have a way of truly humbling me. No matter how badly I want to keep up with things or push past the nausea, some days I just can't. And it is a very dark place for me. To be laid so low, so incapable. I have wrestled with this in my mind, day after day, begging the Lord to help me submit to His will for my life joyfully.

Because He is allowing it, is He not? And He loves me, and is working for my good. I know this. But in the very dark moments, late at night when the *morning* sickness is at its worst, I am weak and I forget. I'm kind of having deja vu here...oh yeah, been there before I guess. :)

A few days before I discovered this new little life, Dave and I were thinking and praying about what God had for our future. We both felt so very blessed and sure that He was leading us down a new road, that He had something new for us in store. We were praying about what that might be, and excited about the possibilities. Little did we know, He was already at work and intricately weaving our child's life, a fourth blessing. This was an unexpected gift, yet such a far cry from what we thought this next year or two would hold.

And so, we attempted to mentally switch gears a little, to embrace this plan of His.

I am very thankful for a God who has a plan. I'm especially thankful that He asks hard things of me, and that even if I wouldn't necessarily want to walk down a hard road, He will nudge me along and teach me His ways. How to live humbly. To realize more fully all my inadequacies. To beg for His help to do this job He has given me to do.

I actually made it to Bible study this morning, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Just to be surrounded by God's Word and others who love Him. The book of Isaiah has been challenging and convicting, just what I need.

Because sometimes when you're going through a trial, the fluff just doesn't cut it, you know? You need to see God, to understand Him more, to catch a glimpse of His character. You need to be reassured of His love. And of His power and strength.

In Isaiah 42, God says that for a long time He kept silent and held Himself back (v. 14). He did not immediately punish His enemies, He did not immediately cast out His people when they stopped following His ways. The Lord has ultimate self-control, and even when the circumstances are stormy and the trial is great, this does not reflect on His ability to calm the storm. If He were as emotionally charged as I am, He would probably bend to any plea for relief that I might make. But He waits...because He can hold Himself back and persevere to fulfill His plan. He loves me enough to do what is best for me. And ultimately for Him, for His glory.

That is one thing I have been struck by in the book of Isaiah - God's glory. It is so very important to Him! Verse 8 says,

I am the LORD; that is My name!
I will not yield My glory to another
or My praise to idols.

In chapter 44, God proclaims that He is the only God, that treasuring anything other than Him is worthless. This is the irony of the situation, that we as humans would choose to essentially worship the things that we do or accomplish or create, rather than the One who really deserves our praise. {For myself, keeping a home or making healthy, gourmet meals...or being a fun mom}

It is in the quiet moments, sometimes in the midst of a dark trial, that everything gets stripped away, and there is nothing left that we can do or perform, our strength is gone...and we become very aware of who we are before the Lord God.

I am counting on this broken little life to give Him glory. At least, that is my prayer for this pregnancy, and this journey of motherhood. For Him to strip away all that I can do or accomplish in my own strength and teach me more of Himself. Because when I look back over my 32 years, the difficult periods of life have been the times of growth, when the Lord has seemed very near to me. I haven't always understood what He is doing, nor do I have all the answers now, but He has always been faithful to me, and to His character.

I'm holding tight to that today.

{Clare just joined me in bed, and as we snuggled up together in post-nap sweetness, she noticed the wind was howling outside my window. The wind is talkin', she says... I love 21 month olds. :) }

This post is not for anyone with a weak stomach

2011-02-08T21:59:00.003-06:00

She cried when I laid her down for her nap today. That should have been my first clue. My little girl who begs for naps...I can't remember the last time she cried when I laid her down, if ever.

After several minutes I went and got her and put her in bed with me. She seemed happy enough to watch Dora the Explorer on my laptop while I rested, but when I went downstairs to get ready to pick up Ethan from school, I heard her scream. When I made it up the stairs, she was covered in puke. Think curdled milk.

{This is where the story gets icky, but anyone who has ever experienced morning sickness or hyperemesis can probably relate. It is bad news for an expecting mama to see puke/hear puke/touch puke. At least for me it is.}

Dave was in Lawrence in a meeting, Ethan needed to be picked up from school in 24 minutes (the school is 15 min from my house), and I had some major clean-up on my hands. Oh yes, and I was sobbing. The only calories I had consumed all day were flushed down the toilet, and it left me pretty shaky. I am ever so thankful for my friend Ashley, and her willingness to pick Ethan up and bring him home for me. She is such a sweet friend.

I am a mess, I tell you. A mess.

By the time Ashley dropped Ethan off, I had just finished cleaning the carpet, the mattress, bleaching the tub after Clare's bath, and the sheets were going in the washer. Ethan walked in and said, "Mom, my throat hurts really bad! It has hurt all day!" And he laid down on the couch in fetal position. He just finished his round of antibiotics for strep throat 2 days ago.

It has been the longest day I can remember in a good long while. Longer than yesterday, even. :) I held Clare most of the evening {and let's just say this afternoon wasn't a fluke} and talked to the doctor's office in between cleaning her up, while Dave attempted dinner and a Dillons run to get ibuprofen. As soon as the kids were in bed, we noticed the washing machine was leaking.

Gotta have a working washing machine when the stomach flu hits. ;) ...oh my...

But as Dave was working on the washer, and I was attempting to remake our bed so I could lie down, I had this thought. Wow, things could have been so much worse. Haha, no really, its true. I am beyond exhausted now, yes, and 2 out of 3 kids are sick...but when I stop and think about the reality of the situation and all the Lord spared us from today, my perspective changes.

For instance...I am so thankful for:

29. A laptop that still works {the puke was ever so close, but not a drop on the keyboard}

30. A dependable friend

31. A mattress that we were already planning to replace - no need to worry about that one, cleaned it the best I could but we'll see.

32. A middle child who rarely gets sick and knows how to play on his own when the going gets tough around here.

33. An email today, reminding us of our free period of the Starz movie channel. Playing tonight: Up and Planet 51. Thank you, Lord.

34. 2 extra hours to get my Azure order in.

35. Dillons mashed potatoes.

36. A washing machine that leaked after my sheets were clean, not before.

37. A handy husband who attempts to fix issues on his own {and sends me to bed}.

38. Tomorrow: a chance to stay home and hibernate in this blizzard. :)

I'm sure there are more things to praise Him for, but my eyes are heavy now. Janet posted this quote on fb today that sums it all up:

"A willing acceptance of all that God assigns and a glad surrender of all that I am and have, constitute the key to receiving the gift of a quiet heart."

Elizabeth Elliott, Keep a Quiet Heart, p. 12