Over Scheduled. Over Worked. Overjoyed.

A Drastic Change

2014-10-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

Hello people in the online world. So I have left my blog dormant for almost 2 years. Two years full of parenting (specifically a toddler), volunteering at church, doing Girl Scouts (UGH), full time work, and taking care of a husband and household.

But everything came to a screeching halt a couple weeks ago. My job, my beloved job, ended abruptly. I realized very suddenly that much of my self identity, and self worth came from my job and the upward climb that it had allowed me. And all of a sudden I was a stay at home mom. I went from four hours of sleep a night to taking a daily nap (perk of being a SAHM when your kids go to school). I went from never having a minute free to having three hours of alone time four days a week. At first it was nice, I hadn't had a vacation in quite a long time. But then when I had lunched with all my friends, and hung out at the coffee shop, went to all the doctor appointments, and reorganized all the closets, there was this vast feeling of nothingness.

At first the nothingness was just a glum feeling, something that kept me from doing extra cleaning and watching Netflix instead. (I'm on quite the Criminal Minds run - I mean Derek Morgan and Dr. Reid?) But then I was laying on the couch all day. And then I spent a couple days where I didn't get out of bed.

I have a long history of depression, probably since puberty. I struggled through high school. I failed during college. Then I had my babies. A reason to exist. A reason to keep on keeping on. There were some times since my girls were born that I faltered. My husband would come home from work, the house would be significantly cluttered. The kids would be in their PJs, and all the Disney movies they had watched through out the day strewn all over the floor. But the girls were happy and taken care of and after a good night sleep I was fine.

This time was different. A good night sleep didn't fix it. Hugs from my girls didn't fix it. Even losing myself in Netflix didn't do it, and if Derek Morgan and Dr. Reid can't solve your problems who can? And the answer is right now: I don't know. I don't know what is going to make this feeling go away. But I know that I have to keep on keeping on because the three lovely ladies who pictures are featured on this page need me. Not just to be around and feed them, but to help them along this road of life that just isn't easy.

So I have made some appointments with a counselor. I have set my alarm to get up and run. And I have admitted this is out of my hands this time. So I'm going to blog it out. Why you may ask? Because we have to stop being afraid. As women, as mothers, as members of the human race, we have to stop being afraid to admit that sometimes we don't have it under control. That sometimes life is overwhelming. But also I want to right to give hope. I can beat this. But it might take time and it will be a process. And if one person can read this and know they don't have to be ashamed to get help. That they don't have to be ashamed to acknowledge that they need help. And that help is there and show you the way through.

Let's Start Again - Short Sale Sadness

2013-01-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

So it has been almost a year since I last posted a blog. When I started this blog, I had high hopes of doing it at least weekly, and using it as a place to channel my frustrations and semi-comedic rants on being a mother of three crazy kids and a traveling husband. However, the title of this blog is no joke. So I fell behind. Well long story short, I'm recommitting myself!

Why now you may ask? Did you schedule lessen? No, not at all. In fact, I am currently receiving a million kisses and cups of tea from my two year old, emptying my DVR, writing this blog, and entering Girl Scout cookies orders (because I'm the cookie mom of course). Actually, the reason is, we are buying a house. If you have been through this, you know it can be frustrating and extremely taxing on your patience.But then you add in the short sale. Short sale is the exact opposite of how it sounds. It's actually a long drawn out process that makes NO sense. Let me lay out the situation, so you can see why a written outlet is needed.

A short sale is actually when a seller is selling their home for less than they owe and the bank is going to write off the difference between what is paid and what they owe. Because of this, the bank holding the mortgage has to approve the sell. And this is where everything comes to a screeching halt. We had an accept offer from the seller in October. It is now the end of January, and I'm not sure we are a ton closer. A couple times we have been told "only four more weeks" but those four weeks have come and gone and here we are. Our realtor (Shout out to Linda McClure at Prudential in Fishers) has been patient and understanding of our frustrations and tries to update us as quickly as possible about changes. But since the house is located in the neighborhood across the street from where we are currently living, I find myself driving by and looking at it on a regular basis.

Why stick it out if it is so horrible might be your next question. Well - it is an amazing house at an amazing price. Wait, let's be honest - it is our amazing dream house. When I drive by the clouds part, light directly from heaven shines on the house, and once I'm pretty sure angels sang. It is actually more than we ever dreamed we could afford or have, It is a direct blessing from God. That is what I have to remind myself every second that this is why the waiting is worth it.

In the meantime, I'm filling my life with the normal out of control schedule of Girl Scouts, church, homework, my 9-5, date night, replacing Barbie heads and the like. I try to take the advice of my friends and remember this is just a small amount of time in the grand scheme of our family together.

Does anyone else have moving stories to share? I cannot be alone!

What Constitutes a Dirty House?

2012-04-01T15:46:00.000-07:00

So I am a neat freak. Before I had my third baby, my house was spotless, except for a few toys here and there. My laundry was always tidy. Bathrooms always sparkling. Then I had my little Gracie. Adding the second baby didn't change life the way everyone said. I think part of this is because it is a lot easier to get a babysitter for two kids than three. Regardless, all this being said, adding the third baby was not as smooth. Everything is chaos. What is a neat freak to do? Now regardless of what I do there is laundry to do (I have to say life is a little easier since my amazing babysitter helps with the girls laundry), dishes in the sink, toys and kids messes everywhere. How did one little person change things so much? Oh well, she is here and wonderful, and we will take the changes.

Now my neat freak status comes into constant battle with my overwhelming exhaustion of being a working mother of three little ones. Lately my exhaustion has been winning out. So now I'm trying to find the happy middle ground of excepting a little clutter without it driving me insane. So far I haven't done it. Mostly I sit in my exhaustion and FREAK OUT.

So now I've decided that the kids rooms can't be perfectly clean. I've decided a little dirty laundry isn't a huge deal. I have even decided that my room can be cluttered. No one sees it any way. Having a little clutter (not dirt mind you, clutter) isn't going to kill my chances at Mom of the Year. And it makes those times when I do get the house completely clean, oh so much sweeter.

Because I Didn't Have Enough Going On...

2012-03-31T21:52:00.000-07:00

So today was a big deal for me. A new business venture! I don't know if it is a new business actually, but honestly more of a ministry. And I'm not going to go into here, but you can click here to see the Christian Marriage Gone Wild blog.

What I am writing about is adding more stuff to the plate...should I or shouldn't I? I have come up with a new way to figure it out.

1. Pray about it.
God has ways of letting you know whether or not you should do something, and if you are a Christian you should be seeking to follow his will regardless.

2. Pros/Cons
Am I jumping over a bunch of cons to get to one pro? And if I am, is it worth it?

3. Discuss with spouse.
If you are married, you can't add something to the family plate without talking it out. That can lead to all kinds of issues. Make sure you are both on the same page. Be fair and give them time to pray about it too, because that is what a good Christian spouse should want to do.

4. Have a plan. Is this truly possible?
Make a plan, and then look at it again. Is this something you can really do? Do you have the time and resources?

If you go through these steps, you should be able to see pretty quickly if adding something is the right thing to do for your family. And if it is...well...add it to the heap!

The Semi-Single Parent: Part 2 of....

2012-03-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was trying to think of the most important thing that has helped me adapt to my family's new lifestyle. I thought of several things. But one thing was coming up as a common point. My friend, who will we call J.

J and I were not friends in high school even though we went to a small school. She was a year ahead of me, and we didn't travel in the same circles. Somehow, we both ended up in the same town, with Kindergartners who attend the same elementary school.

J is a single mom. She is also self employed as a hair stylist. She is a fabulous mom. We have become great friends. We do not have the same belief system. We do not have the same style. But it works. J has taught me some very important lessons.

She has taught me you don't have to pretend your kids are perfect. She has no problem posting about her child's latest antics, both good and bad. She loves him and she celebrates his success but she isn't the type of mom that is jaded to believe that her child walks on water, and we all know those moms.

She gave me a hair style that I can do in five minutes...FIVE MINUTES! Greatest accomplish ever. Not only that, it's a hair style that I love. She taught me that I can be sexy and cute with short hair that doesn't take much work, just as easily as I can with long hair that takes 45 minutes to do.

She taught me it's ok to cry. Semi-single (and definitely single) moms have to be strong all the time. You cannot have a break down in the middle of dinner because the day got hard. But when the kids go to bed, it's okay to sit on your bed and have a good cry. Because sometimes it IS overwhelming, and sometimes it IS too much, and sometimes crying is the only to get it out.

She taught me it is okay to have a good time with out my kids. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to get out of the house with a friend and hang out. As I mentioned yesterday, it is important to have "me time" if not you start to get resentful.

The greatest lesson J taught me is it's ok to ask for help. J and I lean on each other from time to time when we need help. I need a sitter later in the evening than usual. J watches my girls. She has to work on a Saturday she is usually off, and her son comes to play at our house. She helps get my oldest daughter home from school on certain days.

J has been an example of courage for me. Having a great support system is important. J has told me many times if it weren't for her friends who were there to relieve her when things got too intense, she doesn't know if she could make it. J, along with my sitter & friend, and a few other friends, help me stay sane. Whether it's coming over to take over with the kids for a few, running and getting the milk for me so I don't have to take the kids to the grocery, or just talking with me on the phone at the end of a particular hard day, my support system is what keeps me sane.

Thanks J - for everything.

The Semi-Single Parent

2012-03-12T20:43:00.001-07:00

Last summer my husband got a job after being laid off for a year. I was so thankful! In this recession, especially in the state of Indiana, jobs were (are) hard to come by. We knew going in there would be some traveling, but I told myself I could totally handled it.

Almost a year later, and my husband has been out of town most of the week (meaning four to five days) for the past couple months. Now in case you are new to this blog, especially since I haven't posted in roughly ONE MILLION years, I have three kiddies. My girls (yes all girls) are six, three, and one. I work full time at a fairly stressful job. And I'm fairly active in my church. And now I'm doing it alone most of the time.

Now I don't want to take anything away from my real single moms. They are amazing. I know when the weekend comes, my husband is coming home, and with him he brings relief. I also don't have the sole financial responsibility, and all the stress that situation brings. With all the being said, semi-single parenting is rough stuff.

There isn't any one thing that makes it rough...in fact it's all the things. It's the moments when you just bathed one of the younger kids, only to find the other one knee deep in pudding. Or when you are putting everyone in bed and you realize that your kindergartner has a project due the next day. And my person favorite, when you realize you are out of milk and you get to take three kids to Walmart just to get a gallon of milk!

In the last couple months I have made some changes, both in my environment and attitude, to help relieve some of the stress.

Number one, I looked at all places that were creating stress. For me, it was that two of my children were going to one child care provider, and the other to another provider (this was because one provider couldn't transport my daughter home from 1/2 day kindergarten), both out of our home. So I was frantically dressing three kids, feeding them breakfast, and trying to get them out the door by 6:50 just so we could be on time. Simple solution, one child care provider, and in our home. I hired a wonderful younger woman from our church, who has went above and beyond including helping with some of the housework (especially the girls' laundry). By the time I took gas into account. The cost is about the same, when you have more children.

Number two, I stopped trying to control everything. I can't make their bedrooms look perfect every night. I can't make a from scratch dinner every night. I can't have a fun imaginative activity planned for every night. MY LIFE IS NOT A TELEVISION SHOW. This is real life! That attitude change made all the difference in the world.

Number three, I remembered I need downtime too. I need time to scroll through Pinterest. I need time to creep on Facebook. I need time to read. I need time to catch up on my TV shows. And hey, I need time to blog! So sometimes, the laundry can sit in the basket until tomorrow. And the toilet will still need scrubbed tomorrow. I found when I didn't take time for myself that I quickly got resentful.

There are other things, and maybe I will take time to get to that later. Right now, I'm going to enjoy my favorite downtime activity, that every mother no matter the situation needs: SLEEP!

Winter Blues

2012-02-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

I used to think the concept of the "winter blues" was bull. I stand corrected. I have had a descent week. With the Super Bowl in town, I have been able to participate in a tons of fun stuff! The weather is spring like, even though it is February in Indiana. However, somehow I still feel down. Everyone in my house has a stuffy nose. I have no desire to do anything. I'm sitting on the couch, blogging, watching reruns of "How I Met Your Mother" (still obsessing), and eating pepperoni. I did take a shower, but I didn't do my hair (can anyone say bun?). I didn't even put my contacts in, I'm sporting the studious look with my glasses.

Every Sunday for the past couple weeks, I keep telling myself, "Starting tomorrow morning, I'm going to feel normal." Monday comes, Monday goes, and I still feel the same. I have been blaming it on crazy schedules and not getting enough sleep. I've even felt it at work. I'm usually the most driven ambitious person there is, but lately there is no fire in me.

But I am also not the type to sit around and be conquered! Some at home solutions from www.emedicinehealth.com are:

1. Spend 30 minutes outside everyday.
2. Set a timer to turn a light on in your bedroom early in the morning.
3. Use a dawn simulator for a more natural artificial dawn.
4. Increase indoor lighting.

I will start doing these now! The website also says that if you do these things and do not feel better, you should seek help from the doctor. BUT the most important thing is to acknowledge that you aren't feeling well and try to feel better. And don't feel guilty if you feel down or overwhelmed. Life is crazy and sometimes beats us up a little, and not sound cliche, but the important thing is to keep going!

The Murtaugh List

2012-02-04T15:39:00.000-08:00

How I Met Your Mother - The Murtaugh List

I recently rediscovered a television show I really like, "How I Met Your Mother", centered around five New Yorkers (2 married and 3 single) who are in their early 30s. In one episode, they center their antics around the concept of a Murtaugh list. This comes from Detective Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon series, who frequently says "I'm too old for this s$#&!". They were keeping a list of things, that at their age, they had become too old to do.

We all get to points in our life where we have to realize there are things we are too old to do. Either because of how it makes us look or how it makes us feel, we are simply too old to be engaging in certain activities. Some of us (myself included) try to push through and do them anyway because we want to hold on to our youth and relive past experiences or try to revive a life we once had. But we have to keep remembering that life has seasons, and there are new joys/challenges/sadness with each of them.

Somethings for MY Murtaugh list (I do believe this is a highly personalized list.):
1. staying out until last call
2. borrowing money from our parents
3. blaming our parents for "who we are" (at some point we have to grow up and realize we make our own choices)
4. (to be continued)

What would you put on your "Murtaugh List"?

Muffin Pizzas - MMM!

2012-01-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't like pizza? Who all likes the exact same kind of pizza? Not as many hands raised on that one. Problem solved. Muffin pizzas! Pizzas made in a muffin pan that each person can top as they like!

I found the picture on Pinterest, but there was no recipe or how to, so I thought I would put one out there...and here we go!

First you will need:

a can of pizza crust - I use the Walmart brand, but I'm sure Pillsbury is just as good

mozzarella cheese

pizza sauce of your choice - I make a semi-homemade, but spaghetti sauce out of a jar would work I'm sure

any toppings of your choice - for this blog, I'm using only pepperoni (picky family)

muffin pan

pizza cutter

You will notice I shop at Aldi. I do that to save money. I suggest it to everyone.

Okay so for step 1:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and then unroll your pizza dough and use the pizza cutter to cut it in 12 semi equal squares.

Step 2: Put each square in a portion of the muffin pan.

Step 3: Add your sauce. I put a small spoonful in each one.

Step 3: Add your toppings (minus your pepperoni) and cheese.

Step 4: Add your pepperoni. I put two slices on each one. Then put in the oven for 13-15 minutes. And you get:

Yum!

I think I am going to whip some of these up for the Super Bowl. What kind of toppings would your family use?

2012-01-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Howdy strangers! Whew! Finally! The holidays are over, everything is put away, and we are back into the swing of "normal" life. Except for today, when I am laying in bed with a crippling headache yet bored out of my mind. Which how I have found time to write this blog.

So what to write about...how about the newest craze...Pinterest!

Who doesn't love Pinterest? You can go online, view cool stuff that other people have done, and try to figure it out for yourself. Or you can pin it to a board where it will be a remind of your failure to do anything or have time to do anything. Either way it is a great way to spend an afternoon. Seriously, a whole afternoon, you can get lost in it for hours!

Now, while I know there are things on my board I will NEVER have time to do, but I am making an effort to do a few things. My future plan is to add successful items to my blog :) Be on the look out for homemade baby wipes and rainbow cake..two things that I have done successfully so far.

Something Pinterest has revealed to me about myself is that I love doing stuff for my family. Making cleaning supplies at home, cooking from scratch, making paint for the bathtub...all these things while not the easiest way or maybe even necessary bring me joy. It's become my hobby. Pinterest allows me to do these things without spending a lot of time trying to come up with ideas or searching the internet for hours.

So pin-on fellow Pinterest-ers! I'll be watching.

P.S. You can follow me on Pinterest here: http://pinterest.com/bdavis1984/

Putting the "Christ" back in "Christmas"

2011-12-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

Here is my disclaimer: If you are looking for a fluff piece about Christmas or a "spiritual" rendition of why Christmas is holy, then you probably haven't been reading my blog and/or you don't know me.

The statement that Christ (Jesus) has been taken out of Christmas is absurd. Now, wait, calm down. Yes I still live in the same world as you. Yes I have seen the roughly 1 million annoying blow up Santas (and all his blow up friends) littering the yards of Indiana. I get it. BUT none of that would have EVER started without Jesus being born first. We haven't taken him out, we are simply ignoring him.

By the way, for the record, ignoring him is worst. Let's put it in a real world scenario. Let's pretend it's the Queen of England's birthday, and they are having a HUGE party at Buckingham Palace. Now lets say instead of the press taking pictures of the Queen, they are taking pictures of the magician that is performing. Stupid right? WE ARE DOING THE SAME THING WITH CHRISTMAS.

Now in our home, my girls believe in Santa. Santa brings gifts. But if you ask my girls what Christmas about, without missing a beat, they will tell you it's Jesus birthday, who came to die for the bad things we do, and rose on Easter. Just like you wouldn't kick the magician out of the party, Santa and Jesus can co-exist. It's important though to remember that one is fictional and one is a real live breathing King who deserves celebration of his birth, and the gift he was to all of us, whether we choose to open it or not.

People talk about the magic and belief of Christmas. But then they go on to talk about Santa and all the magic he brings. It is important for us to teach our children that while Santa is great, he is just a person with LOTS of Christmas cheer. More importantly, Jesus is the Son of God. Who came, and was perfect, and died to save us from eternal separation from God. He is the reason Santa is so full of Christmas cheer in the first place!

Jesus can't be taken out of Christmas because he is Christmas, without him there is no Christmas. We, as Christians, have to decide to not let him be out shined by the entertainment.

Just a small comparison to show why it is so important to teach Jesus as the reason for Christmas:

Santa: Jesus:
He is human. Bound to make mistakes. Jesus is the Son of God. He doesn't make mistakes

Santa refused to allow Rudolph to be part Jesus accepts everyone no matter how they look, or
of his team initially because he was different. if they are different. You don't have to prove
He had to prove himself through actions that yourself to Jesus. Just accept his grace.
he was good enough.

Santa is mythical. And at some point your Jesus is real and tangible in your life if you let him be
child will catch you doing a Santa job, that and the things that he does in your life cannot be
that part of the magic will be gone for them. replaced by anyone.

Santa is a hermit. Never seen. Never If you desire it, you can have a personal relationship
heard. with Jesus. If you give him your time, he will give
you his.

Again, this blog is not to get you to take Santa out of your home. He is alive and well in mine. But more importantly, Jesus is alive in our home. And not just on Christmas and Easter, but all year long...but that is another blog all together :)

Merry Christmas!!

Is It Bedtime Yet?

2011-12-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

I know it has been roughly 100 years since I have posted anything. See the title of this blog, well, that is my excuse.

But as I find myself with a little spare time, I'm going to write about my new favorite topic: bedtime. No, no, no..not my kids' bedtimes, mine. With every child, my bedtime has been pushed back. One night this week I didn't sleep, although mostly due to one too many things on my mind. (One would've thought, since I was awake all night, I could have found a few minutes to blog.) Somehow, I made it through almost 48 hours of no sleep, and accomplished everything I needed to without crashing or freaking out.

In the midst of the 48 hours, however, I made a decision. I need a bedtime. I need a set time where I say, "everything else will wait until tomorrow, now it is time to sleep." A time when Facebook is shut off, television is silent, and "to do" lists are put away. So I have decided for me, pending some unforeseen event, bedtime is 10:30, unless it's the weekend and I get a nap in (LOL).

Last night I went to bed at 11. (Hey can't get everything right the first time.) I had a late start time at work, so I got 7 hours of sleep. SEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP. ON A WEEKNIGHT. This is unheard of, but I will tell you what, I was the most productive I had been in a long time. Furthermore, this evening as I was home alone with my three girls (husband is on the road again), when two large kinks were put in the chain of my evening. I rolled with it. No internal (or external) freak out.

I always thought the secret to a happy family was well managed bedtimes, I just didn't realize the one that needed managed was mine.

Holidays and Family

2011-11-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

Holidays are great. Family is great. Mixing the two? Not always great.

Every year, every holiday, my husband and I do what I like to call the "dinner dance". Where will be having dinner? Will we visit multiple places? What do we have to bring? What will we wear? And the biggest question: Can we make everyone happy?

Of course I want to spend the holiday with my family, and he wants to spend time with his. But we both understand that marrying each other meant we would also have to try to accommodate the other person's family.

The problem is different theologies. I believe in tradition. Let's do the same thing every year. Growing up, we went to one grandma's on Christmas Eve, and one on Christmas Day. No surprises, no running around.

The theology on the other end is a little different. We wait around and beat around the bush, and then plan at the last minute.

99% of the time, it turns out. I run around, schedule and reschedule, cook at the last minute, whatever, and we make it work. 1% we have an issue like this year where only one of our family members makes it to both.

Regardless family is family. You make it work when you can, and hope to God no one kills you when you can't.

Stop! Too Fast!

2011-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

After our third baby, we decided we were done. Three was enough (sometimes more than enough) to handle. We love our girls. But knowing we can have no more, it makes me want to slow down time. So tonight, when this happened...

... I cried a bit.

How could this happen? How could she be old enough to be losing teeth? She just got them all!

And then, not five minutes after this happened, our youngest stood for the first time in the living room for about 5 seconds.

That time I cried a lot.

I wanted it to go slow. I wanted to savor every moment of their childhood. But life moves forward. Our children grow. They become cool little people who excite us with the little things like loose teeth, reading their first book, first time they stand, and then first time they tell you that they love you without you saying it first. And even though it made me a little sad, how can you stay sad with this face...

Single Mom-ing It for Three Months? What Is The Worst That Could Happen?

2011-11-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

So a possible opportunity for my husband to work out of town and possibly bring in a little more money than usual came up in conversation tonight. "It's a great opportunity, blah blah blah, it would be in Arizona, blah blah blah, I would be gone for three months, blah.." Wait! What? Three months? Now while this whole thing is totally up in the air, and his company has not, as far as I know, secured the contract, he was being dead serious.

As shocking as this announcement had been, I was no where prepared for my response: "Sure I can handle it." I don't even think I believed I was saying it. Three weeks, full time job, volunteer job at the church, three kids with various appointments & activities, not to mention that the first quarter of the year is the busiest for me at work.

But the more I think about it, I can handle it. I have a few great friends who are always willing to help out, a mom that lives close, and a great church family. Any strain will be well worth the money, as we work towards being a debt free family (work towards = walking down a long hard road).

So I will do it, I will hold down the home front. But the day he gets back...I'm taking a spa day!

Before Thanksgiving or After Thanksgiving...That Is the Question

2011-11-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, the ultimate question - do you start decorating for Christmas, listening to Christmas music, and/or watching Christmas movies BEFORE or AFTER Thanksgiving?

Personally, I'm an after Thanksgiving person. Give Thanksgivings it's due. Take a minute to thank God for all he has given us before we start the season of "I wants" (look for a future blog on this subject). We are a fairly prompt family, usually the Friday after (Black Friday to my friends who shop....oh wait I see a plug coming...here it is....www.blackfridaybabes.com) Thanksgiving to decorate and start the merriment.

But in my discussions on this topic with other moms, I heard some pretty good reasons to start early:

1. You are going out of town for Christmas. - If you are leaving town for Christmas, then you won't get the full time allotted to enjoy your Christmas decor. So putting it up a little early allows you time to get the full effect.

2. Your family comes from out of town and celebrates Thanksgiving & Christmas at the same time. - For family living some distance away this if very cost effective, and you just can't have Christmas without a tree and stockings right?

3. You are so in love with the holiday you can't take it and you would skip Halloween if you could. - Well there is no reason for this but everyone has their right to the personal preference.

And honestly, that is what it comes down to, personal preference. Because in my recently found wisdom, each family has their own measure on normal, and what works for me and mine, may be a complete deal breaker for you and yours, and honestly who am I to say?

But seriously...give Thanksgiving it's due.

Holiday Shopping...How to Do It Right

2011-11-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

Ah, 'tis the season....for shopping. For some people, like me, it's a frantic search for the right gift at the last moment, or whenever I can get a babysitter to watch the troops. For some people, like my friend Leann Winton and her family, it is an art, and their biggest show is Black Friday.

They plan. They prepare. They drink coffee. And best yet, they have uniforms.

www.blackfridaybabes.com

And now they are making their uniform available to the public. They have several different cuts of this shirt all sporting this very chic design. They have this cut for the skinny minis out there, and regular tee shirts for us normal people. They have bags to carry all your 1/2 priced, marked down gifts in. They have iPad/Kindle sleeves so you can carry your game plan and ads with you all day. And tons of other products.

Any good competitive sports team, needs a great stylish uniform. And I have never seen anything more competitive than hundreds of women searching for the same 1/2 priced blender.

The Beauty of Silence

2011-11-09T11:40:00.001-08:00

No brainer - all mom's want silence and we want it now!

But what do we do with silence? We immediately fill it up. Television we are behind on (what did we do before DVRs and Hulu?), phone calls, youtube videos...all recreational stuff we have a hard time fitting in, but none of it is silent.

Then even if there is a silence, we fill it up with thoughts. Not peaceful tranquil thoughts, or thoughts of reflection and/or inflection, no we fill it up with mental lists. To do lists. Grocery lists. Menus. Plans for the holidays. Plans for the weekend. Schedules.

How do moms over come this inability to find silence? I'm not sure. It seems completely against our nature to not worry, to not plan, to not have an overall concern for the matters of our home.

I don't have the answer, but I have a suggestion...one bath tub filled to the brim with bubbles. Candles. No music, no books. Climb in. Deep breath in, and out. Clear your mind, see how long you can keep it that way. I think it is like exercise. First time maybe 2 or 3 minutes, next time 5 or 6...but as most trainers say repetition is key. And I agree.

The Beauty of Silence

2011-11-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

Sickness for Everyone!

2011-11-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

Until this year, sickness has not been an issue in my family. But now, it has hit, and hit hard. As a working mom, this is a HUGE balancing act. And with my husband working crazy hours so frequently, a little stressful.

How do you know when to stay home from work? How do you know when to keep your kids home? How about both? These are the problems I am currently trying to work out.

My heart says, kids are sick, stay home. Cuddle them. Make them comfy pallets on the couch and give them meds and Pedialyte. Let them watch their favorite movie. My mind says, you have a job with a lot of responsibility, and when you aren't at work you put someone else out. So where is the balance? (By the way, there is that horrible word again!)

I'm thinking follow your gut. In my mind, your gut is where your heart and mind meet and make the real decisions. Recently, I didn't follow my gut, and I'm regretting it:

So my precious little 9 month old baby gets a hacking cough, that doesn't go away. I take her to the doctor. Just a bad cold. I feel in my gut I should keep her home, but I go to work anyway - I have things to do. A couple days later my babysitter and her daughter come down with it. I have to go to work, so I take the girls anyway. Now almost every member of my family has it. If I had followed my gut and stayed home with my baby girl, then I could have spared a lot of people the sickness.

So tonight, we are laying around in sweats, with blankets and pillows on the couch, watching our favorite movies. Tomorrow? Well, we will see what the gut says...

Nap Time: A Mother's Last Stronghold

2011-11-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

I love my children. They are amazing. They are also intense. By 1pm, I am ready for a nap...for all of us. The activities a mom can do during nap time is endless. I could also take a nap. I could blog. I could have the TV ALL TO MYSELF. I could catch up on house work. Make my grocery list. And probably, if I really put my mind to it, balance the federal budget and end world hunger. The possibilities are endless.

So when my oldest turned 3 and a half and decided that nap time was no longer going to be part of her routine, a little part of me died inside. But then I had the perfect solution! "Rest Time". Rest time requires my daughter to stay in her room and play quietly. There is a TV in her room (I know, I know bad mommy, but we only have one living area and Dora gets old fast. She has to share it with her sister.) so she is free to watch whatever Disney happiness she chooses. Now at 5, almost 6, rest time still applies. I usually check on her and give her a snack and a drink, but she is happy as can be and so am I. The trick is make it sound more fun than staying in your room for an hour and a half while mommy recovers from the morning.

My middle daughter is three now, and I'm sure, will attempt to give up her nap soon. I guess I better buy some good toys for Christmas.

"Thanks"giving

2011-11-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

So a friend of mine started a couple years ago doing a daily status message each day of November about something she was thankful for in her life. (Here is your shout out Electa!) I don't know if she was the first one to do it, but last year I joined in too. This year I have noticed several people doing it.

The blessing in this has not been recognizing what I have to be thankful for, but how much I have to be thankful for in my life. It's easy when you are knee deep in diapers, with dishes stacked to the ceiling, and your home has reached a decibel level that requires industrial strength ear plugs, to forget the amazing feeling of baby cuddles, toddler kisses, and kindergarten hugs. It's simple to forget how amazing the organization you work for is, when you have been cussed out for the third time in a day and you are rushing to meet your deadlines. It is difficult to remember how amazing your husband is, if most of the time you see him you both are so tired you fall asleep.

Francesca Batistelli sings in her song "This Is the Stuff", that "in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." It is just so easy to get bogged down in our day to day lives, to forget all the things we have to be thankful for. I encourage you when you are in your "little mess", to think about all the ways you are blessed.

Time for Some Real Change!

2011-11-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to write about my job.

I work in special needs trust, but I work for an organization that does so much more than that. (check it out www.arcind.org) The Arc of Indiana advocates for people with disabilities and even more important (in my, oh so humble opinion) facilitate ways for people with disabilities to advocate for themselves. On top of that, The Arc is trying to help the state find ways to improve services and supports for people living with disabilities.

I go to work everyday and work for a cause that I believe in with every fiber of my being. How many people can say that honestly? I don't have a child with a disability. I got involved because I worked with a couple ladies who needed some assistance in their home when I was in college. These women inspired me. They made their lives meaningful and happy, despite any hurdles they came across, so what excuses could I possibly have.

Today was our annual conference. One of those ladies was in attendance. She was telling me how she no longer just goes to work, but she is an artist and making money off the art she creates. All because she didn't let someone tell her she couldn't have a dream.

But I will tell you what lights a fire in me...people who think they can take advantage. People who feel like they have to find a "solution" for "these people." People who have no respect for these folks as fellow citizens. The state decision makers need to step up. They need to look at the current situation in our state. They need to understand there is a difference in being alive and being able to really live.

Over the next couple years, big decisions are going to have to be made in the state of Indiana. Think about that anytime you visit the polls!

I Have Had It!

2011-10-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of guilt.

It comes from everywhere: other moms (if you are a working mom, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about), work, church (and not sinners guilt - that's something totally different), and anyone else in your life who thinks they know better than you.

Is it possible that in some situations a person knows better than you? Yes, of course. To pretend we all know everything about everything is crazy. In my life, everyone thinks they know how I should be spending my time.

Stay at home mom friends (not all, but some) think I should be figuring out how to take my kid to every activity in the tri-county area. Every festival, every free meal giveaway, every free holiday activity must be attended. Guess what? It's not going to happen in my family. And honestly my kids don't want to go to every single thing. They go to school and day care, and like their mom, they like being home just being together. We go to somethings, but we don't have to go to everything.

My job is very flexible - they accommodate the fact that I have kids for the most part, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE working there. But anytime one of them is sick and I need to stay home (or I am sick for that matter) I feel like I have just ruined everyone in my department's day. So now when they are sick I have started freaking out or second guessing myself - no more. If my babies need me, they need me.

I love the church we attend. It is amazing and filled with amazing people. I hold a volunteer position there and I love it. However - sometimes I oversleep. Sometimes we are sick. Sometimes (not for Sundays or midweek) I just need to spend time with my family because I do work. A woman is to care for her household as part of her ministry on this earth. Prov. 31 talks about how valuable a good wife is to a man. I don't like being made to feel guilty when that doesn't fit into the schedule of the church. And from now on I won't. I am there every moment I can be, and I have to do what I feel God is leading me to do.

Once you get married, there are two families to appease. If one of you (or both) happens to come from a home of divorced parents, well, that just makes it all the worse. Everyone wants to do everything and everything thinks they are the most important. And while I love my family (both sides) and my in-laws, I can't make everyone happy. And I'm done worrying about it. First come, first serve, and sometimes I have to say no. Sometimes it is just nice to be my husband, myself, and our ladies.

Now while all of these things bother me - I love each part they play in my life. I just have to remember that my life is the sum of the parts. No part can dominate another, and each must take their turn.

Hey wait a minute...sounds like I have to be the one to stop this from being a problem..darn it, I hate when that happens!

Sick and No Treats

2011-10-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

Sick kids - it's the worst.

I'm going to start this with an important statement - I work in special needs trust administration, and I hear stories all day of parents who spend hours/days/weeks in hospital, doctors offices, and therapies just so their kids can live a "normal" life. To those parents, you have my utmost respect, because here I am whining about what I hope will turn out to be a 24 hour flu bug.

Now for the whining: two of my three children are sick, including one that puked, told me she felt better then immediately ran to the bathroom again. I am fortunate that the baby, is as of now healthy. Babies cannot be put on the couch with a Disney movie, favorite blanket, and a pillow. They crawl around, cry, and puke where ever they want.

Now, it is not the fact that tomorrow is the end of the month, which means that working with financial accounts, I have things I need to do at work. It is not the fact that I will have a ton of laundry and sanitizing to do. What is bumming me out is, tomorrow is Halloween. Who wants to tell their kids that it is a poor show to go trick or treating if you might puke on someone's shoes? When I explained to my oldest tonight that no school tomorrow meant no trick or treating - her already red eyes immediately teared up. Stab to the heart.

This is where parenting is tough. I'm sure my daughter would say she felt fine even if she was next to death in order to go trick or treating, in order to get candy, that she will want to eat, that she will most likely get sick from. And I will want to say yes - I mean, trick or treating only happens once a year and she has an amazing costume. But because I love her, and because being healthy is more important, I will let her lay in my bed with me and watch Halloween movies instead.

But in the meantime the world is missing out on these two adorable costumes:

Smurfette

Dora the Explorer