Overheard in the Dating World

"Valentine's Day is SO Stupid!" But What Are You Getting Me?

2012-02-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

Myth: Women love Valentine's Day and men hate it.
Reality: Women hate Valentine's Day, too, but want men to shower them with stupid cards and cheap roses and ugly jewelry anyway!

Be Cool Man

2012-02-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

An Open Letter To All Men by WGSMIA

2012-02-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

Dear fellow Cave Man,

I am about to pass you information that will forever change your life. You will be happier, and fulfilled if you can comprehend what I am talking about. Forget everything you have been told about women in the past by other males, they are all wrong! Why? We have not evolved in the past 500 years, that is why. Shut up and listen to what women tell you instead.

Who should be reading this?

Single men between 30-50 you still have time to correct your life. Consider yourself lucky.

Married men, that want to fix their life with their wife. She will love you for it.

First time losers between 30-50, yes 60% of the male population, this is a wake-up call.

Males over 50+ sorry you are too late…. Can’t teach old dogs.

Most males under 30 have not developed the brain matter to understand or change yet.

Wait until you are 30, and stop pissing the ladies off.

We need help big time to get back in the game. And you cannot do it alone.

You will need a Gay Male or Wing Women to help you along the way.

Woman Advantages

They are smarter than you.

They have very developed communication skills; they invented person networking.

They can cook clean and take care of themselves.

They don’t need males to survive any longer.

They are Art In Motion. They know how to look good.

They can melt you with a smile.

They have a very acute sense of smell.

They live longer then males.

They are more cautious.

They have a women support network to release stress.

Man Advantages

We are stronger.

Boys network still exists but is getting weaker each year.

We make more money.

Women still want to be with men, why ? Not sure but we are still lucky.

That’s it guys ….. not a lot going for us.

Communication

Women have been trained at a very early age to communicate, read body language etc. Don’t even try and compete with them, they are out of your league buddy. Just listen to what they are saying very carefully, take notes (if you have to record it) for review after the fact. So you do the right thing later.

She will tell you things that it may take you months to figure out. Putting yourself in there shoes may help.

Watch the women’s TV network and the film Mel Gibson did, where he waxes his legs. You need to get more exposed to what they are thinking.

Women are multitasking machines and should be complimented on their day to day achievements. You have no idea how much they think about. Ask her and be shocked.

Health

Get off your ass, and start looking after yourself.

Women prefer a hot looking guy to be with, not the pillsberry dough boy.

They actually want you to live a long life with them. If you can’t see your feet, you have an issue.

Fitness test, see if you can do the following.

Run 10 miles or 16 km under an hour.

40 pushups in under 1 min.

10 wide grip pull-ups in 20 seconds.

100 situps in 3 mins.

If you can do the above, consider yourself worthy. If she lets you have sex, chances are you will not fall asleep before she climaxes. Go hard on the cardio Cave Man!! It will keep your soldier at attention much longer.

If you cannot do the above and you have ended up in the hospital's intensive care unit, don’t worry. Consider a personal trainer, or military combat for 2-3 years.

Cave Man you need to be re-trained !!

You will be out of commission for 12-24 months to drop the weight and feel strong again.

Cave Man you need to have Superman Stamina, otherwise you are Dud Man! Do you want to be laughed at? I think not.

Clothing

If you think you can dress yourself, think again. Your mommy has been dressing you since you where 0 to 26 + and may be still helping!

Go to a local mid-tier to higher-end clothing store and ask the well dressed female (the hot looking one) or Gay male to pick out a complete new closet of clothes. Trust them as they know what they are doing!! And do not forget to tip them, as the first time they saw you, they most likely laughed and/or felt sorry for you. The next time they will remember you so don’t be a cheapskate.

Repeat the above process every 4-6 months, progress will come, you may be able to dress yourself in a few years.

Sex

Rule #1 It is not about you! It’s about how you make her feel first!!!!

Rule #2 Do it her way! And only when she wants too. She is the Boss. Period.

Do not go for Gold, as you will get body parts removed or seriously injured! Back to the hospital, you go. For how long? Not sure, it depends how mad you got her.

What you don’t know, Cave Man, is the following so listen.

Women are very sexual, and when they like and trust you, they will let you know. Give them a good time first, they need attention after their normal day from hell. Take your time there is no rush. She has a whole body to pleasure first.

Little bit of teasing prior can go a long way later.

Be respectful, no one likes a pig.

Just know you can make her go crazy wet without ever touching her in the private spots. It is called anticipation. Sex is in the mind not the body.

You had better meet the health requirements above.

And if you follow rule #1 and other suggestions, you are about to get run over sexually.

You will fell like you got hit by a truck. Best experience you will ever have in your life with that special person.

To be continued ….. ;)

So Polite!

2012-02-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

The Worst

2012-01-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

PWND is Right!

2012-01-27T12:02:00.000-08:00

Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

2012-01-26T07:47:00.001-08:00

True?

2012-01-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

Before & After Marriage

2012-01-20T12:46:00.000-08:00

T-G-I-F

2012-01-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile,and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'"

CLASSIFIED ADS...bloopers...

2012-01-17T05:36:00.000-08:00

Classified Ads

The following are regrettably phrased classified ads that have been placed in newspapers throughout the world.

"Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel."
"2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess."
"Washing machine: free to good home."
"No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent."
"Great Dames for sale."
"Lost Cocktail."
"Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog."
"German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free."
"Free ducks. You catch."
"1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer"
"Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed."
"Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days."
"2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15"
"For sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50"
"Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks"
"Hummels - largest selection ever. 'If it's in stock, we have it!'"
"Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents lb."
"Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour."
"Vacation Special: have your home exterminated."
"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."
"Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - Free Sample!"
"Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast."
"Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it."
"This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens."
"Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers."
"Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop."
"Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person."
"Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential."
"Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty."
"Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions."
"Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months."
"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."
"Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00."
"Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."
"His and hers bicycles, $25 each or both for $55."
"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."
"Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too."
"Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory."
"We'll move you worldwide throughout the country."
"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."
"Tattoos done while you wait."
"Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."
"Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children."
"If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin."
"Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else."
"Stock up and save. Limit: one."
"For Rent: 6-room hated apartment."
"Wanted to buy: fishing net, must have no holes."
"TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets."
"This house has been fully insulted."
"Man, honest. Will take anything."
"Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!"
"Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink."
"3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred."
"Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included."
"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops."
"Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again."
"Illiterate? Write today for free help."
"Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary."
"Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating."
"Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale."
"And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."
"We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00."

2012-01-16T06:52:00.001-08:00

20 Weird superstitions for your Friday, January the 13th, 2012!!! -they are all malarky...

2012-01-13T07:21:00.000-08:00

According to the dictionary, Superstition is an irrational belief arising from ignorance or fear. There are superstitions for almost all aspects of our daily lives and most have unknown origins. Sometimes they are logical (for example, don’t walk under a ladder) but most of the time they are ridiculous. Some people can become controlled by their superstitions (such as the fear of walking on cracks) which is very unhealthy. Here is a list of 10 weird superstitions.

1. A bird in the house is a sign of a death
2. A loaf of bread should never be turned upside down after a slice has been cut from it.
3. Never take a broom along when you move. Throw it out and buy a new one.
4. If the first butterfly you see in the year is white, you will have good luck all year.
5. If a black cat walks towards you, it brings good fortune, but if it walks away, it takes the good luck with it.

6. An acorn at the window will keep lightning out
7. A dog howling at night when someone in the house is sick is a bad omen.
8. It’s bad luck to leave a house through a different door than the one used to come into it.
9. A horseshoe hung in the bedroom will keep nightmares away.
10. If you catch a falling leaf on the first day of autumn you will not catch a cold all winter.
11. If a mirror in the house falls and breaks by itself, someone in the house will die soon.
12. Dropping an umbrella on the floor means that there will be a murder in the house.
13. All windows should be opened at the moment of death so that the soul can leave.
14. If the groom drops the wedding band during the ceremony, the marriage is doomed.
15. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

16. If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.
17. You should never start a trip on Friday or you will meet misfortune.
18. Dream of running: a sign of a big change in your life.
19. If a clock which has not been working suddenly chimes, there will be a death in the family.
20. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same match.

Referenced from: http://listverse.com/2007/09/10/20-weird-superstitions/

Ah ha! That's the catch...

2012-01-12T06:40:00.001-08:00

CUTE!!!

2012-01-11T11:15:00.005-08:00

Ohhhh, holiday brain is slowly fading now...

2012-01-10T09:19:00.001-08:00

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Hey You!

2012-01-06T09:25:00.001-08:00

Superman and Wonder Woman

2012-01-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

Superman was flying around one day feeling somewhat frisky. As he was passing over Gotham City he saw Batman, so he decided to fly down for a chat.

"Hey Bats," called Superman. "Are there any girls good for a bit of action around here?"

Batman looked up and replied, "Well Supe, everyone knows that Wonder Woman offers the best sex in the whole of Comic Land. Why don't you give her a try?"

"I'd love to," replied Superman, "but Wonder Woman and I are kind of friends, so I don't really want to take advantage of her."

"Damn shame," said Batman, and waved goodbye to Superman as he flew off.

Ten minutes later he was flying low over a city when he saw Spiderman swinging from rooftop to rooftop. So again he decided to fly down. "Hey Spidey, I'm looking for some action, who's the best girl in Comic Land?"asked Superman.

"Hey, Big S," replied Spiderman. "Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best shag in Comic Land, why don't you try her?"

"Well, the trouble is, we are sort of friends," said Superman, "but I didn't realize she had gotten around so much" and flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later he was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up in the air. Superman was tempted.

"Damn!" he thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even realizes." So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone, and finally satisfied.

Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a glazed expression. "What the hell was that??" she exclaimed.

"I don't know," replied the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "but all of a sudden my ass hurts."

Shit Black Girls Say

2011-12-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

Funniest Rejection of the Day

2011-12-20T12:11:00.000-08:00

"Yeah, she kept drunk texting me, and when you don't know someone that well, it gives off a real slutty vibe."

Baby It's Cold Outside

2011-12-20T12:02:00.000-08:00

Priceless

2011-12-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

The Saudi woman who wants a divorce - because her husband tried to sneak one look at her face after 30 years of marriage

2011-12-16T12:31:00.000-08:00

After 30 years of marriage, cynics might say most husbands and wives would have seen quite enough of each other, thank you very much.

But not in the case of one Saudi Arabian man who managed to live with his wife for three decades without setting eyes on her face.

Not that he had much choice about it. His 50-year-old wife followed the tradition of her native village near the south-western city of Khamis Mushayt and kept her features veiled at all times.

Until one night last month, that is, when the husband was finally overcome by curiosity and tried to lift his wife's veil as she slept to take a look at her face.

Tradition: In the village in South West Saudia Arabia, women keep their features veiled at all times (file picture)

It was an error he is unlikely to be given a chance to repeat for his outraged wife woke up during his sneak peek and is now demanding a divorce.

'After all these years, he tries to commit such a big mistake,' she told Saudi newspaper Al-Riyadh after leaving the house in disbelief.

She said her husband apologised and promised never to do it again, but she insisted she wanted a divorce. It is not the first example of Saudi husbands with wives forever shrouded in mystery.

There was the case of Ali al-Qahtani whose wife had been wearing a face veil for the entire ten years of their marriage. When he tried to take it off she threatened to leave and only decided to stay after he swore never to try again.

And neither the husband or children of Om Rabea al-Gahdaray, 70, have ever seen her face. It was a family tradition, also followed by her mother and sisters, which her husband accepted and never tried to change, she said. When asked how she could have children without her husband ever seeing her face, she replied: "Marriage is about love, not faces."

Many Islamic countries such as Saudi Arabia and Iran require women to cover their faces in public but in the privacy of their homes there is no such compulsion.

But always remaining veiled - even in front of your husband - is not an Islamic practice, but a very old tradition practised by a tiny minority of women in remote areas of Gulf countries.
Most examples of it are in Saudi, one of the most conservative of countries.

Shit Gay Guys Say

2011-12-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Shit Girls Say - Episode 1

2011-12-14T08:47:00.000-08:00