I try to read at least one book per week. It doesn’t always happen, but I try. While I love sci-fi and other fiction, I always find myself drawn to non-fiction so the majority of these books are from the self-help category. I don’t know what it is that draws me in – perhaps the quick fix, answer to all my prayers, one missing ingredient that’s keeping me from my dreams – but I find them fascinating. I also find these books to be fun – sort of like a treasure hunt – as I search for those useful morsels that I can apply to my own situation.

But with more and more of these books hitting the stores each week, the quality of the books (and their material) has dropped significantly. I’m finding it more difficult to not only find useful information, but actually getting through the book. I’ve noticed that many of these books use a similar format – a breakdown of the content of their book into a few distinct categories. As you read along, you’ll probably notice that many of the recent books you’ve read use this very same formula. So without further ado, here’s the breakdown of major parts of today’s self-help books:

Section 1: The Introduction:

Many books spend roughly the first 10% sharing the author’s story – how he or she went from rags to riches, made a great discovery, etc…. This information used to be communicated in a paragraph or two in the “About the Author” section in older books, but today’s authors feel the need to tout their credibility. Just like speakers use our speech introductions to get the audience interested in what we’re about to say, today’s authors want to ensure that we know what they’re about to share worked for them.

I usually don’t have a problem with this. The one exception is when the author over-uses this section to brag about his or her house, cars, relationships, etc…. And by over-using, I mean that it seems like the author is using this section of the book to thumb their nose at the disbelievers he or she encountered in life – and some explicitly do this. Also be on the lookout for “success stories” – authors like to establish credibility by sharing the plight of others – and not all of these stories are true.

Section 2: Why You Need This Book:

I find it ironic that many of these books consider themselves motivational because of this section. Here’s the part where the book makes you feel bad. Are you “working for the man,” “in a destructive relationship,” “overweight,” “hitting a plateau in your career” or just plain “unhappy?” If you’ve felt content with your life, this is the part where you’ll realize that your life is terrible. You learn the secret alright – that the glass is actually half empty.

Some of these books go as far as chastising the reader for having a job, renting an apartment, using credit cards or other things that many people do. It’s not uncommon for the reader to feel inadequate with his or her life after getting through this section (which is often intertwined with Section 1). However, there’s no need to fear because of the next section.

Section 3: Your Future?

So now that you know your life is horrible, the author explains that by simply following the steps outlined in the book, you’ll achieve success. In fact, the author will tell you how great your life will be, often in great detail. Don’t be surprised to see some of the information from Section 1 repeated here – the two paragraphs worth of stories that should have been in the “About the Author” section will now rear their ugly heads here – probably over and over again.

Keep in mind that the advice here is often worded in a manner so that you’re unlikely to follow it correctly. This means that it’s not that the advice was bad – it’s that you just didn’t follow it correctly. This helps the author maintain credibility among the people that keep coming back for more, even though they aren’t improving their lives.

Section 4: Dinner is Served:

Finally, you’ve reached the meat of the book – provided the prior sections didn’t turn you off. If there is something of value in the book, it’ll be here. Unfortunately, many books have a lot of great content in this section, but it only makes up 50-60% of the book. Mark off the beginning and end of this section so you can quickly re-read it when you need a refresher.

Look out for books that share common knowledge as if it’s a big secret. For example, you know a book on getting rich is garbage when an entire chapter is dedicated to compound interest. The real secret that you’ll learn is that the author made his fortune by selling books to well-intentioned readers.

Section 5: The Closer:

This section usually wraps things up and summarizes the key lessons of Section 4. Authors with big egos or a need to feel important will also rehash the first three sections here as well (with much of Section 1 repeated).

Good books will throw down a challenge to the reader or end with a call to action. Perhaps the reader will be challenged to take that critical first step. Unfortunately, for many of these books that first step is to go out and buy more products and services from the author. I had read one such book
where it provided basically no real information – it was mostly teaser information. It was about health secrets and just as you were about to learn which food helps you, the author said he couldn’t share the information in print and you’d need to visit his website (which you’d need to pay an additional fee to access) for the information.

Self-help books can really help you. But just be aware that many of these books aren’t what they claim to be. If the author is focusing too much on him or herself, then you know it’s not worth reading. Self-help books are supposed to be about the reader – if they’re primarily about the author, then they should be labeled an autobiography.

Post from: Overnight Sensation

Why Most Self-Help Books are Garbage

Related posts:

1. If Only Life Were as Easy as Personal Finance Books Make it Sound
2. Review: Personal Development for Smart People
3. Personal Success: Experience vs. Theory
4. Video of the Week: Watch “The Secret”

You’ve probably heard the infamous phrase “it’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know” – the phrase is true to some extent. In the extreme case, you have the incompetent and under-qualified son or daughter that takes over the family business. More commonly, someone who is likable or able to communicate a connection between themselves and the decision maker is able to land jobs or clients despite competing with others who have stronger qualifications.

Finding a connection such as attending the same school, growing up in the same small town or having a similar hobby is an easy way to create instant rapport. Equally as helpful is having a personal connection such as a family relationship or mutual friend or associate. Sometimes, we don’t have these connections but there’s something else that can tip the odds in our favor: likability.

Whether you’re in sales, own a business or are looking for a job, it’s important to be likable. No one wants to do business with a jerk. Even when money is the highest priority, people may put up with bad behavior initially, but eventually get fed up. I’ve taken my business elsewhere (even if it cost me more) on several occasions because I’ve felt I wasn’t treated with respect. I know others who have taken lower paying jobs to get away from the proverbial “boss from hell.” Companies and sports teams alike have brought in superstars, overlooking their bad attitudes, and it has ruined their teams.

Getting others to like us is a challenge that we face from the first day we attend school. We want to be popular, have friends, and as we get older, get dates. This is a game that few us master until the rules change when we enter adulthood. Bullying and backstabbing your way into popularity becomes more difficult – the easier route is being nice to others.

Here are some ways to become more likable:

Take a genuine interest in other people. Don’t be a stalker, just honestly care about what they have to say.

Listen without interrupting. Let them finish the story without chiming in about something you think will impress them.

Respect others’ wishes and opinions. Everyone has the right to their own opinions so respect that right.

Don’t belittle others’ problems. It’s not fair to judge someone’s situation if you haven’t been there yourself.

Notice and recognize the accomplishments and successes of others. People love to be recognized for their efforts so make them feel special when they’ve accomplished something.

Thank people when they help you. Everyone likes to be appreciated and appreciation is something we often forget to give others.

Make others feel special and important. We’re all special in our unique way and we tend to like those that treat us that way. It’s very easy to point out something special about our friends, family and coworkers, but so few of us take the time to do so.

It’s important to be honest and sincere when you do these things. People can tell when you’re faking flattery so you’re better off not saying anything at all instead of being fake. So whether you have that inside connection or have to create a bond, making yourself more likable will help you get results.

Post from: Overnight Sensation

How to Be Liked

Related posts:

1. How A Bad Reference Can Harm You
2. How to Exit a Conversation
3. Life Lessons From Video Games
4. When Words Take on a Life of Their Own

I have a confession to make: I’ve spent the majority of my life being shy. When I was a kid having to meet new people – adults especially, but even kids – was a challenge for me. I grew out of it in high school and college but then when it was time for me to hit the workforce, it came back.

I finally addressed it the way I dealt with my fear of public speaking – I tossed myself into situations where I had no choice but to introduce myself to people. Shortly after I graduated from college, I attended a job fair. Okay, “attended” might not be the appropriate word. I walked in the door and gave some resumes to the person that was handling sign-ins. And I went into the crowded room where there were all these tables set up – but I didn’t talk to anyone. I just walked out because I had no idea what to do. Pretty pathetic, huh?

Flash forward five years and there I was looking for work again. I found myself in a position where I had to put my money where my mouth was. My Toastmasters club (which I was the President of) had just voted to do something extremely controversial (in the club’s mind that is) and join our local chamber of commerce. As the club’s President, I had to attend a “Business after hours” networking event so I could promote the club – the primary reason why we joined. So there I was walking into the room completely scared.

I had set a goal to last at least 30 minutes and introduce myself to at least three new people. And while it was tough, I met (actually, exceeded) both of my goals. That first introduction was a little tough, but it was the hardest of the night. I actually took advice from Larry King and was honest with people. I told people that I was new to networking and not sure what to do at these types of events. And surprisingly, people helped me. Yes, I made some mistakes but overall the event was a success.

I eventually went on to become an Ambassador for the chamber so it was my job to help people mingle. It was my way of forcing myself to do something I was uncomfortable with (just like I gave speeches as much as possible at Toastmasters).

Shyness itself can be caused by a lot of things such as lack of confidence, fear of rejection or fear of failure. So if find yourself a bit shy don’t worry, there are things you can do about it. The best thing you can do is ease your way outside of your comfort zone so you can have small successes to build your confidence. I actually have a ten step process for doing this that I teach in my networking class that eases people into introductions. The gist of it is to take baby steps, each one building on the one before it. Social media is also another avenue for dealing with shyness because you can hide behind an avatar or username. And services like Twitter make it easy to connect with people and jump into conversations.

So if you feel you’re too shy, don’t worry. You’re in good company and you can overcome it. Just take a few steps, no matter how small. The fact that you’re pushing your comfort zone is what matters most.

Post from: Overnight Sensation

On Being Shy

Related posts:

1. How to Exit a Conversation
2. A quick tip for overcoming shyness at networking events
3. A Defeat Every Now And Then Can Be a Good Thing
4. Networking Can Be a Complete Waste of Time

Growing up, I had a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Sometimes it was because I lacked tact and good judgment. Other times, I just used words that could be taken a multitude of ways depending on the listener’s perspective. While most of us outgrow the first scenario, the second one is little more difficult to avoid. In fact, I have a humorous story to share about me making this very mistake just a few years ago.

To set up the scene, I was out with two friends and they wanted to check out a new gourmet ice cream parlor that had some interesting flavors. Of the three of us, I was the only one that had been there before so I was excited to show them some of the more interesting flavors. As we walked in, I noticed the red licorice flavor that I had recently tried. So I said “Guys, check out the red one” somewhat excitedly. My two friends gave me a mortified look and one whispered “dude, we saw it – not so loud.” I shook my head not understanding what the problem was. But then I turned back to the ice cream counter that I was just pointing to excitedly and that’s when it hit me. Next to the ice cream counter was an attractive woman wearing red pants and smiling at me.

Movies and TV shows are made up with scenes like these – “Three’s Company” ran for eight seasons with most episodes focusing on a big misunderstanding. Politicians at the national level add certain words into their speeches or phrase things a certain way just so they can convey messages that can be interpreted different ways. In fact, many are purposely vague so that they can say something, without actually saying something.

So as speakers and communicators, we need to both watch out and use this to our advantage. Had my goal been to break the ice with the young woman at the ice cream parlor, my actions would have been a great way to do it. Where it wasn’t my intention, it proved to be an embarrassing moment that I was unprepared for.

So how can you prevent the unexpected from happening? Here are a few ways:

• Think before you speak.
• Don’t be vague (unless that’s your purpose). Had I said “check out the red ice cream,” I wouldn’t have had a story to share with you.
• Practice your speeches and/or new material in front of a mock (or safe) audience.

Since you can’t control the way other people hear or interpret things, don’t sweat it if something comes out the wrong way. Just laugh, explain what you meant and move on. You never know, you might end up connecting with someone you otherwise wouldn’t have or recapturing the attention of your audience. While it can be good to avoid an embarrassing moment, it’s certainly not bad if you can capitalize on one.

Post from: Overnight Sensation

When Words Take on a Life of Their Own

Related posts:

1. Your Words Have Power
2. Don’t Let BlackBerry Addiction Ruin Your Presentation
3. 10 Ways For Toastmasters to Take Their Speaking to the Next Level – Part 1
4. Public Speaking Success: How to Give a Great Speech