Overwhelmed With Joy!

Beautiful adoption video

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 16:13:00 +0000

This adoption video brought tears to my eyes, reminding me of our first magical moments with Snuggle Bug, meeting and holding him at 2 minutes old.

I wish I would've recorded those first few moments with Snuggle Bug, but we were so terrified of it all falling apart and trying so hard to be respectful of the decision that had to be re-made. So we had no extended family present the day of his birth and no video recording. We have pictures and our sweet memories.

Has it really been 10 years since the birth of our amazing son? What a blessing he has been in our lives!

Date Night Bliss

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Sat, 08 Nov 2014 13:20:00 +0000

Hubby and I had a much-needed date night last night and it was perfect!

It's rare he and I get out alone, because we don't have family living anywhere close and these days it costs $10/hour for a sitter. By the time you have dinner and a movie, you've spent $40 just on the hired help! It's rather cost-prohibitive.

A family from school invited both our kiddos over for a sleep-over with their children (same ages, same genders). The fact that this fellow mom was willing to deal with 4 children all night and most of this morning with the sole intent of giving us a date night makes me feel as though I need to stop at a florist on the way to picking up the kids and bring her flowers to say, "Thanks!" That is no small feat.

Once we dropped the kids off, Hubby and I met some of his former co-workers at a small red-neck bar on the water, where we had a drink outdoors and said our goodbyes to a young man who was moving out-of-state for another job. We laughed a lot. Those co-workers are witty, sarcastic and oh-so-fun.

Next stop was the theater to see Interstellar. It's the movie about a group of space explorers who use a newly discovered wormhole to travel beyond our solar system in search of a planet that can sustain life, as humanity faces extinction on earth. Overall, it was an interesting and entertaining movie.

Our last stop before heading home was dinner at a quaint late-night eatery with good comfort food and a gregarious owner who was so interesting we invited her to pull up a chair and chat with us during our meal.

This morning, we awoke to silence. No child opening our bedroom door at 6:30 a.m. to see when we were getting up. No need to fix anyone breakfast. No pleading for t.v., playdates or leftover Halloween candy. No homework struggles. Just blissful silence. I laid in bed for a while and just soaked up the quiet, letting my own thoughts dance around my head for a while before getting up.

I don't have to get the kids for another 4 hours. I think I'll ignore the homework and work-related writing that's calling my name and indulge instead in a bubble bath and a good book.

When's the last time you had a date night?

Family Rules and Values

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 17:31:00 +0000

We have a framed poster with these rules in a central part of our house, as reminder of a few of the things we strive for together as a family.

As Snuggle Bug and Boo grow older, we're discovering these rules aren't as easy to follow as they used to be.

#2 is challenging for Snuggle Bug as of late. At nine years old, his little sister is considered less of a friend and playmate and more of a nuisance or a pest, particularly when he has his friends around. He has a tendency to speak his frustrations with her aloud, at times using rather harsh tones and words.

#4 and #5 seem to be a tough ones for Boo these days. Who knew a 7-year-old could act so sassy and disrespectful one minute and sweet-as-pie the next.

A common phrase I use with my children is, "Our family doesn't..." or "Our family believes..." to remind them our family values are more important than following what friends or others consider to be permissible.

As our children age, it's becoming more clear we are no longer the center of their universe and are no longer their sole source of influence.

On one hand, not being the center of their universe is a positive. It means they're gaining a sense of independence. They're forming their own opinions and interests. These developmental changes are exciting to watch unfold and the resulting conversations can be amazing.

On the other hand, realizing friends and acquaintances are gaining an increasing amount of influence over them is scary. It feels as though we're more frequently in defensive mode, attempting to solidify and justify the foundation of our core family values with our children, as they are exposed to more varying shades of "acceptable behavior" amongst their peers.

So, Ornozo and I muddle our way through these parenting challenges that change with each passing year. Some days we're on the same page, other days we're not. We realize the importance of presenting a united front to our children, but at times it seems to be easier said than done.

If only parenting came with a clearly outlined instruction manual.

In the swing of school

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 14:39:00 +0000

School is in full swing now and Snuggle Bug and Boo are doing great!

Both of our kids attend a Montessori school and I love how this school places a large emphasis on kindness and respect to others, involvement in our community and using good manners. I feel as though the school reinforces what we try to teach at home.

Boo loves, loves, loves Kindergarten! Each day she when I pick her up from school she chatters excitedly about what she's done and who she's played with. It's never a chore to get her to go to school. She actually asks on the weekends when she gets to go back.

Snuggle Bug is adjusting to 2nd grade. He likes his teachers and they're easing him into the school work and homework so it's not too difficult yet. I'm trying not to pass on my procrastinating tendencies to my children, so I've established a routine of sitting down each day to do a little bit of homework. He did make the comment, "There are a lot more rules in 2nd grade!" I had to laugh at that comment.

Both Snuggle Bug and Boo are part of the swim team so we're at swim team practice 3 to 4 times per week. That makes for a busy week. We look forward to the weekends!

Despite the daily hustle and bustle, I find myself thankful that my children are still young and under our roof where I know they're safe and I get to tuck them in to bed each night!

I am truly blessed!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Thu, 16 Aug 2012 18:08:00 +0000

It's time for the kiddos to head back to school and they're both excited! Boo is entering Kindergarten and Snuggle Bug is starting 2nd grade.

Boo had her "meet the teacher" night last night. She was so animated and outgoing, not at all afraid. She's really ready for school. Snuggle Bug has his "meet the teacher" night tonight. He's come out of his shy shell so much these past two years that I know he'll do fine. He has two good friends that are in his new classroom this year so that will help.

I must admit, I'm rather shocked at the long school supply lists that we were given. We're not being asked just to buy supplies for our children, but for the classroom as well (napkins, forks, spoons, dry eraser markers, etc). I spent well over $100 for the two kids, just in school supplies. That doesn't factor in clothing or shoes. Oy heh! Still, with the horrible cuts our state is making to the education budget, they have to turn to the parents to help pick up the slack. It's a shame though.

I love that my kids love school. I'm hoping that doesn't change anytime soon because they have many years of school ahead of them and then it's off to college if I have my way!

On another note, I always wondered how I'd handle the adoption issue when the kids entered into school. I wondered if there'd be a adoption box on the school registration form that I would have to check (there wasn't).

When Snuggle Bug first began school, I didn't volunteer the adoption information. I shared it with close friends but that was all. Over the past two years, as we've had more conversations with him about his adoption, we've shared the fact that both of our children were adopted with more people at school and now most of the teachers and some of the families in our school know. Our school is wonderful and nurturing so it's been a positive experience thus far!

As for the specifics of their adoption, I don't share a lot of detail, other than the age at which we adopted them. I feel that it'll be up to Snuggle Bug and Boo to decide how much detail to share.

Flying home for a nice, long visit!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 16:51:00 +0000

The kids and I are flying back home to where my side of the family lives (in the Midwest) and we couldn't be more excited! Oronzo has to stay here and work, but he doesn't mind. I think my large, boisterous family is somewhat overwhelming to him at times.

Extended family has always been important to me and I want it to be important to my children, especially since they were adopted. It's possible that I work extra hard to maintain those extended family connections, even with the distance, so that my kids feel connected to our families. I believe the fact that her son would be a part of a large extended family was appealing to Snuggle Bug's birth parents. I'm not sure if it mattered to Boo's bio mother either way.

The kids are finally to an age where they are remembering all of their relatives and beginning to understand how everyone is connected (i.e. their grandmother is my mother, their aunt is my sister). It warms my heart to hear the excitement as they talk about this upcoming visit. They can't wait to see their 8 cousins! They've been marking the days off the calendar for about a month now.

We're flying back home for 10 days! I'm pulling Snuggle Bug out of school. My father's health is quite fragile right now so I feel it's important for them to see him, possibly one last time. Thankfully, Snuggle Bug's teachers are understanding and are sending homework with us so that he won't get behind.

Two more days until we board the airplane that will take us to my family!! I can't wait!!!

Baby fix!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 03:07:00 +0000

Oronzo and I made the decision some time ago that our family is complete with the two wonderful children we are parenting. Snuggle Bug is now 7 years old. Boo is now 5. They're finally becoming more independent and self reliant and we're enjoying this stage of parenting.

Still, there will always be a part of me that loves tiny babies so I was thrilled to get an unexpected baby fix today!

Our friends, who are in the process of adopting a newborn, brought their little guy home from the hospital this morning and honored us with a visit later in the day.

How wonderful it was to hold a sweet newborn in my arms once again. Isn't he beautiful!

It's been gratifying to be a source of support for our friends as they navigate the unchartered waters of their adoption journey. They've come to us with questions and concerns, asked our advice and used us as sounding boards along the way, just as certain friends did for us during our adoption journey. Our conversations have reminded us of the magical time we had with Snuggle Bug's adoption and taking him home from the hospital as a newborn.

We now have a connection with this couple, common ground that we weren't expecting when we first met them. I'm thankful for that.

Easing back into blogging

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 03:09:00 +0000

I've decided I miss this blog. I miss the bloggers I used to be in frequent contact with. Perhaps I should carve out a bit of time each week for blogging and whip this blog back in to shape. What do you think?

In case any of you were wondering, our friends did not adopt Giselle's baby. Giselle decided to parent her and from what she tells me, they're doing pretty good.

But when God closes a door, he opens a window. Our friends, who had hoped to adopt Giselle's baby, are right now in the hospital with another newborn, a match from the agency they completed their home study with just a couple of months ago. It was a rather quick match!

They hope to bring this baby boy home in about two days and finalize his adoption as soon as they are allowed. They are a bit in shock that it all happened so quickly, but thrilled, of course. I haven't met the little guy yet, but I hope to soon.

So, even though I won't have in-person contact with Snuggle Bug's younger biological sibling, at least there's still a newborn baby in town to hold. I do love holding babies!

Hope you all are doing well!

A shocking phone call

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 02:35:00 +0000

I received an unexpected phone call not long ago, from Giselle's mother.

I was shocked when she broke down and cried, telling me that Giselle is pregnant again and is unable to parent the baby. She asked if Oronzo and I would want to adopt this baby, that's due in one month!!

I was not at home at the time I received the call and after ending the lengthy conversation with, "I need to talk to Oronzo and I'll call you back," I drove quickly home to do just that.

It was tempting to think of adopting again, believe me, it was. Although Oronzo and I are happy with the two beautiful children we are raising right now, there's always more room in my heart for one more, especially for a biological half-sibling of Snuggle Bug's.

But after Oronzo and I talked about it, he made it very clear that all we went through to adopt the two children we now have was more than enough for him. I asked him to sleep on it and discuss it again the next morning, and he did, but his feelings didn't change. He is done building our family.

I felt a bit sad but knew that it was important to respect his feelings. I must be honest with myself and admit that I agree with him. I feel done with building our family as well for many reasons.

The kids are finally getting to the age where they're a bit more independent and we're enjoying this. There are financial considerations, since we want our children to attend college and we're saving for them. And lets face it, we're not getting any younger. We started out as "older" parents even with Snuggle Bug (we adopted him in our late-30's).

And so, I called Giselle's mother back and explained why adopting again is not right for our family. She said that she certainly understood and asked us if we knew of any other family that might be interested. As a matter of fact, we do!

I've made friends with the parents of a little boy in Snuggle Bug's class and during our budding friendship this mother has shared with me their struggles to adopt a second child.

So, to make a long story short, I've put this family in touch with Giselle and her mom. They've sent a photo scrapbook and the two families are at the "feeling each other out" stage.

I don't know if this adoption will happen or not, but if it does I think it'll be pretty neat to have some possible contact with Snuggle Bug's biological sibling living in the same city.

Time will tell.

Has anyone else been asked to adopt a second time by their child's birth parents?

1 year anniversary for Boo

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 10:22:00 +0000

One year ago today was a very happy day, indeed.

One year ago today, Boo legally became a part of our family. The courts finally recognized what we knew all along, that Boo belonged with us.

This past year has been a year of transition for us. We moved to another state, near the ocean. Snuggle Bug and Boo entered into a Montessori school (Snuggle Bug is now in 1st grade, Boo is still preschool until next year). Oronozo started a new job.

It's taken some time to get settled and we're certainly missing family and friends from back home, but we're happy hear near the ocean.

Live is peaceful in this small, costal town. The people are friendly and we've managed to make some good friends during the past year. Having children in school helps make those connections.

We now own a 27' sailboat, so we are out on the water a lot. Just yesterday we had a dolphin swimming next to our boat for quite a while, popping up frequently, as if to say, "Hi!" That was an amazing experience to see a dolphin up close and personal.

We had friends from back home come visit this summer and they mentioned how much more relaxed we look. The easing of stress will do that for you.

It's been wonderful just to be a family without the drama and the constant barrage of contact from the foster care system.

Boo is doing great! She's growing tall, she's getting smarter every day. She's sassy and outgoing. She's a beautiful child. In short, she's perfect!

We haven't heard anything from her birthmother since the day she voluntarily relinquished her rights during a phone conference with us last year. There's been no response from the picture and letter update that I sent out so I'm not sure she even received it. I'll try again soon.

So, that's what's going on with us. Hope all is well with you!

Life is good!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 10:23:00 +0000

It's been over 7 months since I last posted here but this blog is like a comforting, old friend that I'll keep coming back to from time to time,

A lot has been going on since we finalized Boo's adoption. For one thing, we moved...like the day after Boo's adoption! Oronzo was offered a job in another state and we felt it was worth the move.

It was hard leaving family and dear friends to move to a small town area where we knew no one, but I was confident that we'd make friends quickly. I'm a rather social person.

The biggest appeal to the town were we live is that it's a mere 5 minute drive from the ocean! In fact, we can bike to the ocean from where we live. It's incredible!

We've settled in nicely to this community and we've already begun to make new friends. It helps that Snuggle Bug is in Kindergarten. I think all of our new friends are parents of children at the elementary school.

The move has been good for our family. It's given us a fresh start. We went through so much emotional turmoil to get Boo adopted that we really felt that a change would be refreshing. We were right. Snuggle Bug and Boo have adjusted quite well to the move, far better than we ever hoped for.

Somehow, our family feels more at peace now with this new adventure. We are enjoying exploring our new surroundings.

I know part of our peace comes is due to the release of stress of wondering each day of whether or not Boo would be taken from us. Now she is a permanent part of our family and we're so thankful.

I sent an update to Boo's bio mother after Boo's adoption. I mailed it to an address that she told me would always be a place to get mail to her, regardless of her circumstances. I never heard a word back from her. I'll try again in the future.

As of now, life is good, very good. I hope all is well with you.

Boo's adoption has been finalized!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 03:52:00 +0000

The day we've been waiting for for approximately 2 1/2 years, give or take a month or two, finally arrived!

We recently finalized the adoption of Boo and she is now legally our daughter! Of course, we've considered her a part of our family pretty much from day one but now it's legal. There is no longer any threat of her being taken away from us.

As you all know, this has proven to be a much more difficult journey towards adoption than we expected. We entered into Foster Care training rather naively. We were quite optimistic in the outcome of adoption through the Foster Care system, believing that we'd have a child adopted within a year.

We also believed that we'd be adopting a child from unfit parents that had had their parental rights forcefully terminated by the State. In some ways, perhaps it helped us feel less guilty about wanting to adopt again, because we believed we'd be adopting a child truly in need of a loving home...a child right within our city.

Baby Bug was our first placement and we lost our hearts to her quickly. She was reunited with her parents 8 1/2 months later and, although we supported that decision because we knew how hard they worked to get her back, we grieved A LOT. I still miss her and I had to grieve all over again when her parents chose to end all contact with us a second time.

Our continued journey through the Foster Care system with Boo was very little like we expected. We were lied to by the initial social worker, who told us what she thought we wanted to hear, in order to get Boo placed in our home. It wasn't until I attended the next court hearing, a couple of months after her placement, that I realized how much the social worker had lied and kept information to us.

We tried desperately not to get our hopes up about adopting Boo, as we waited to see how things would pan out with her bio mom who was incarcerated. We waited, and waited, and waited for the judge to make a decision, either way.

We did our best to be "good" foster parents, attending all court hearings, filling out all necessary forms, speaking up inside and outside of the court and advocating for Boo's needs along the way, being careful to follow all guidelines put forth by the foster care agency we were licensed through.

After many months, we got the severance ruling that we had prayed for, due to the instability of Boo's bio mom and her criminal lifestyle. But then, against all odds, the Court of Appeals overturned that ruling on a technicality and threw the case back to the Juvenile Court system and told the new judge to "start over". That's when talks began in earnest of having Boo transferred out of state. It seemed that our state wanted to "wash their hands" of the situation, regardless of what that meant to Boo.

We had to hire our own lawyer to gain "party status" in the case and fight even harder for Boo's rights.

In the end, Boo's bio mom made the difficult decision to admit that she was incapable of offering Boo the stability she needed and deserved and voluntarily severe her parental rights so that we could adopt her. Everyone involved in the case felt that we would've gotten another severance ruling again, even had she not come to this conclusion on her own, but we didn't trust "the system".

The events leading up to Boo's adoption have been nightmarish. We lost a lot of sleep, our marriage was strained, our finances were strained with unexpected legal fees, our family struggled, we doubted ourselves. But, we hung in there, we fought for this precious little girl, and now she's forever an important part of our family!

Boo's Adoption Day was glorious! We had a private adoption ceremony, with the same judge that finalized Snuggle Bug's adoption and the same lawyer too! Many of our family members and very dear friends were there to witness this amazing event. There was much joy and celebration! And there was an unexpected bonus to all of this...Snuggle Bug was a part of it all and Boo's adoption finalization helped him to understand a bit more about his own that took place when he was only 3 months old.

Afterwards, we had a party in a nearby splash park for Boo. It's one of her favorite places to be and she had a grand time! She got an Adoption cake, many thoughtful gifts, lots of hugs and kisses, and many well-wishes.

It was an emotional day for me. It was perfect! There are moments when I still find it hard to believe that we actually made it through to the other side.

Shortly after Boo's finalization, we notified our foster care agency that we were closing our home. Ornozo and I thought long and hard about that decision. It wasn't an easy one to make. But we both feel that it's best to focus on the raising of the two beautiful children that we have been blessed with.

Maybe one day again we'll foster. I'm sure we'll find other ways to help children in need. It's a passion of mine.

Thank you for all that have followed this journey. Your support, encouragement, and prayers have meant the world to Oronzo and I!

Don't think that you've seen the last of me though. I may not blog as often as I used to, but I'll still pop in now and then to discuss issues related to being an adoptive parent. And I hope to hear from you as well!

I'm a bit uncomfortable posting our family picture on here, but if you've been following our journey and you'd like to see one of Boo's adoption day photos, leave me a comment with your email and I'll oblige!

Take care!

There's a whole lot of adoption talk going on in our household.

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:00:00 +0000

As Boo's adoption finalization date approaches (a bit over a month away now), there's a whole lot of adoption talk going on in our household.

Adoption has been part of our everyday conversation for several years now. We've made a point to speak of it frequently with Snuggle Bug, even before he was able to understand much of anything we were saying to him (we're talking newborn stage here), in large part to get ourselves well-versed and comfortable with the conversations. Now that Snuggle Bug is 5, the word pops up more and more each day, often times prompted by him.

Here are some of the things he'll say to me,

"Mama, remember when I was in my birth mother's tummy?"

"My birth mother lives in ______ (state), right Mama?"

"Remember when I was 'dopted, Mama?"

"When is Boo gonna be 'dopted?"

I'm actually enjoying these conversations about adoption because for the longest time I worried that something was wrong, that I was handling things incorrectly, since Snuggle Bug never spoke of adoption, never made any reference to it at all. It wasn't until he was about 4 1/2 that something finally clicked.

Snuggle Bug is a very visual child. He wants you to show him things, not just tell him about them.

His dawning awareness of adoption (as much as a preschooler can understand) began when a neighbor's pregnancy became quite visible.

As she and I stood outside chatting one day, Snuggle Bug piped up and asked, "What's in your tummy?"

Our neighbor explained that her baby was growing in her tummy and that her baby would be born in about a month.

Snuggle Bug turned to me and asked, "Remember when I growed in your tummy, Mama?"

The moment of truth had arrived. It felt as though all my efforts to normalize talk of adoption throughout the years had finally culminated in this first question.

I knelt down to his level and explained, "Actually, honey, you didn't grow in my tummy. You grew in your birth mother's tummy and we were there at the hospital to meet you the day you were born."

I waited to see if my response would generate more questions. Snuggle Bug looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "Oh, right," and the moment passed.

Since that first question, over time many more have followed and Snuggle Bug has even looked at pictures of Giselle. It feels so good to know that he feels safe enough to come to me with these questions and to realize that he's slowly beginning to grasp the concept that our family has been formed through adoption.

The fact that we talk of Boo's upcoming adoption quite a bit just adds another layer of awareness for Snuggle Bug as we explain what will happen in court that day.

I've overheard Snuggle Bug and Boo excitedly talking together about her approaching adoption and it warms my heart.

I can't wait to have Snuggle Bug witness Boo's adoption finalization. Being the visual child that he is, I think having him there in the courtroom with us will give him a deeper understanding about what adoption means to our family.

The ball is rolling and picking up speed!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 03:31:00 +0000

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted.

I wanted to stop in and let you all know that the ball is rolling towards adoption and picking up speed!

Boo's case has been transfered to an adoption agency and we have a social work assigned to us that seems quite organized and efficient (refreshing, really)!

We've completed and submitted all the paperwork this social work delivered to us during her first home visit. I had the paperwork back to her the same week.

Friday we met with an adoption attorney and signed "Petition to Adopt" paperwork!

We're being told that we should have a finalization court date by end of August! We are so THRILLED! Of course, we'll believe it when it happens.

Please keep us in your prayers!

Thanks so much!

Relinquishment paperwork has been signed!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:26:00 +0000

My hands are shaking as I type this and there are tears welling in my eyes. We got word just now that Boo's bio mom has voluntarily relinquished her parental rights so that we can adopt Boo. Our prayers these past 2 years have finally been answered! Thank you so much to all of you who have stood by us during these difficult times! We are so blessed!

More later. I need to go have a good cry now.

No paperwork signed yet.

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 05:09:00 +0000

We had been given hope that relinquishment paperwork would be signed by Boo's bio mom before the end of last week. To our knowledge, they have not yet been signed.

Our lawyer has attempted to contact her lawyer and has gotten no response.

What does this mean? Has Boo's bio mom changed her mind or is the prison system just hindering the process? Why isn't her lawyer responding to our lawyer?

I'm nervous that Boo's bio mom has changed her mind for some reason.

Well, we still have the second termination trial date set for later this month. Hopefully it won't come to that but this is our back-up plan.

Keep those prayers coming, please!

A Time To Mourn

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 06:46:00 +0000

We've made it through to the other side of the mediation conference. It wasn't easy and I felt so apprehensive walking into that room. We had to wait for over 30 minutes before getting Boo's bio mom on the phone (it's tricky getting an inmate to a court ordered conference call, apparently).

We weren't sure what to expect. We expected that IF Boo's bio mom was considering relinquishment, she'd want much more post adoptive contact that we were willing to offer. We were preparing for the worst, that the negotiation attempt would end miserably and we'd be waiting for the second severance trial court date to press on.

The mediation did not go as expected! When Boo's bio mom got on the phone, the mediator started it out by asking her, "What do you feel is in your child's best interest?" or something to that affect.

There was a long pause and then we heard Boo's bio mom begin weeping. Through her tears she said, "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! I love my little girl so much, but as much as it pains me I know it's in her best interest to be adopted by her foster family."

We were shocked! We weren't expected to hear those words from her. We sat in stunned silence.

Then Boo's bio mom said that she did not agree with amount of contact that was written in the draft post adoptive agreement, that she wanted much more than that. As my mind churned, trying to process everything and trying to figure out a way to tactfully tell her that the amount of contact she wanted was not going to happen at this point in time, the mediator took over.

The mediator told Boo's bio mom that before the specifics of the post adoptive agreement could be formalized, she needed to understand that her decision as to whether or not to relinquish her parental rights had to be made entirely independent of what we might or might not offer her in the way of a post adoptive agreement, otherwise it could be construed as an attempt at coercion on our part and the mediator was not going to allow that to happen. She told everyone that she was going to ask us to leave the room (along with our lawyer and the CPS case manager) so that she could speak in private with Boo's bio mom and her lawyer before this went any further.

We left the room and sat waiting, mostly in stunned silence. Eventually the mediator came out and said that Boo's bio mom had made the decision to relinquish and would accept the terms of our post adoptive agreement. She told us that we were free to go, unless we wanted to say anything further to Boo's bio mom.

Tears welled in my eyes and I said, "Saying thank you seems so inadequate in this situation." The mediator encouraged us to come back in and talk a bit more with Boo's bio mom.

We went back in and I told Boo's bio mom, "I want to thank you for trusting us with raising Boo and being her family. You know how much we love her already." Boo's mom said, "I know. I just hope that you'll make sure she knows how much I love her." I assured her that we'd be raising Boo with the knowledge that she was adopted and that her bio mom loves her very much. I reiterated that we would share age-appropriate information about her to Boo as Boo grew older. I encouraged her to write Boo a letter for us to give to her later.

I asked Boo's bio mom if she'd be willing to provide us with her family medical history, a picture of herself, and a baby picture of Boo (since we only have pictures of Boo from 12 months on). I explained that I thought these things would be very important to Boo as she got older. She said that she would get those things to us.

The mediator said something to the effect that she was sure we realized that Boo's bio mom was disappointed that we weren't offering her more frequent contact but that she explained to Boo's bio mom that she would need to lead a healthy, crime-free, sober life-style after she was released from prison and maybe that would help build trust between us and later change the frequency of our contact with her. We said we would keep an open mind about that.

So, now we wait. We wait for the lawyers to gather the necessary documents and get them faxed to Boo's bio mom in prison. We wait for her to sign the relinquishment papers. And while we wait, we mourn.

Yes, as strange as that sounds, we are mourning in some respects.

Of course, we're relieved and thankful that Boo's bio mom has made the decision to do what she feels is in her daughter's best interest, to allow her to be adopted by us.

But we're also experiencing sadness. It was difficult hearing the pain and tears in Boo's bio mom's voice as she told us of her decision. It was bittersweet to finally hear her admit that she was not able to provide her daughter with the stability that she deserves and that she wanted us to adopt her.

Boo's bio mom has fought so hard and for so long (over 2 1/2 years) to maintain her parental rights and to get her daughter back and in the end she couldn't overcome her personal demons and do what is necessary to make that happen.

But in the final hour, she put her child's needs first. She made it very clear that she loves her daughter and that this decision is the hardest she'll ever make. I believe that to be true. And, as a mother, it pains me. Her loss pains me.

That's the thing about adoption that many don't truly understand. As an adoptive mother, it's very hard to reconcile that my happiness has to come at the expense of another mother's pain and sadness. My gain is another mother's loss. No matter how brave or noble that mother is trying to be, that loss will always be with her. And it will always be with me as well. I will always be conscious of that loss.

And there will come a time when my children will be old enough to understand the sacrifice that was made and they will feel a sense of loss too, I'm certain. If I, as an adoptive mom, feel it then certainly my children will feel it at some level as well. I just hope that I can have a solid enough relationship with my children that when they reach that level of understanding and begin to mourn that loss, that they will come to me and I will be able to at least offer to listen and empathize and support them. And maybe we'll be at a place in our relationship with their bio moms that they can speak directly to them about their feelings as well.

This is not a done deal yet by any means, and it's certainly pre-mature to be celebrating. Right now, for me personally, this is a time to mourn for Boo's bio mom. It could've been different for her but it's not, so right now she's making what she feels is the right choice for her daughter. She's placing her trust in us and I'm determined to be trustworthy.

In case you're wondering...

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 05:28:00 +0000

We still don't have a definitive answer on Boo's case but here's the latest.

Once CPS determined that Boo's bio mom is indeed incarcerated again, they filed a motion for a new severance trial. That trial has been set for mid-April.

In the meantime, the judge has ordered that a mediation conference be held between us (Oronzo, me, and our lawyer) and Boo's bio mom and her lawyer, as well as a facilitator and CPS present. Obviously, since Boo's bio mom is incarcerated in another state, this will be a phone conference.

The judge is hoping that we'll be able to come to some kind of post-adoptive arrangement that where we agree to some type of post-adoptive contact in exchange for Boo's bio mom voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights, rather than fighting it in court longer (Boo has been in the system for over 2 1/2 years now, it's time for this to be done).

I must admit, I've gone through some angry moments. I've felt angry that we're being strongly encouraged to negotiate post-adoptive contact with a woman who has led a dangerous and criminal life-style for over 20 years. I've felt angry at what she's put her daughter through these past 2 1/2 years with her actions. I've felt angry that she's fought so hard to maintain her parental rights and yet couldn't seem to keep her own life together to give her daughter the stability she deserves. And I've struggled with these emotions because under different circumstances, I'd probably have no problem with some type of post-adoptive contact, as we have with Snuggle Bug's bio mom.

It's taken me time to work through this anger. Thank goodness for supportive family and friends who have listened without judgement and prayed with and for us.

I'm in a better place now to enter this mediation conference that's to be held next week. Oronzo and I have agreed on a "bottom-line" as far as what type of post-adoptive contact we're willing to offer (visitation is NOT a part of that bottom-line, not while Boo's bio mom is living the life that she's living now and maybe not at all until Boo requests that...if she makes that decision). If Boo's bio mom isn't willing to accept our bottom-line, then we'll see her in court. We feel the odds are more in our favor at this point.

We've been told that Boo's bio mom is seriously considering relinquishing her parental rights. She's begun to admit to herself and others that she may never be stable enough in her own life to parent her child. Still, it's not certain that she will make that decision in the end. We may still end up in court.

So, that's the update. This has been a much harder road than we ever imagined. It's been so stressful and there are days when I feel I've aged 10 years in the past 2. I just pray that this will all be worth it in the end. Boo is what keeps us going throughout all of this.

We celebrated Boo's 3rd birthday recently by having a birthday tea party for her. She loved pouring tea for all of her little friends that day!

I look back at some of the first pictures we took of her when she arrived to us at 12 months old. It didn't seem like it at the time, but she was still such a baby girl back then...now she's grown taller, her face is definitely more defined, and her hair is nearly down to her waist (she calls it her princess hair). She's a sassy, beautiful, stubborn little girl. We love her dearly!

I'll post another update sooner rather than later.

Snow Day

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:08:00 +0000

In an effort to boost my spirits, yesterday I drove to the top of a nearby mountain and played with kids in the snow.

Snuggle Bug and Boo had a wonderful time throwing snowballs, catching snowflakes with their tongues, and making snow angels. It was beautiful and peaceful up there on the mountain. It was exactly what I needed to clear my head and to reconnect with God and nature.

Thank you all who have left supportive comments in my previous post. The prayers and encouragement from family and friends (online and in person) are what keep us going.

I'll update when I can.

Severance ruling overturned for Boo's case.

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 04:12:00 +0000

It's been so long since I've posted. To be honest, our life has been hell as of late!

We've waited on pins and needles for 8 months to learn what the Court of Appeals would rule (remember, we got a severance ruling back in March and Boo's bio mom appealed the ruling and the case got sent up to the higher court of appeals).

In mid-November, we got very bad news. The Court of Appeals overturned the severance ruling, stating that the state did not provide sufficient evidence that Boo's bio mom would be unable to parent her child in the near future. The fact that Boo had been in foster care for over 16 months, while her bio mom was incarcerated wasn't enough evidence. The problem was that her bio mom got out of prison on parole, spent 90 days in a half-way house, and swore up and down that she was ready to reform and parent her child.

It was also suggested by the Court of Appeals that perhaps CPS hadn't done enough to do an ICPC (Interstate Compact Placement of a Child) transfer of Boo to the state where bio mom was incarcerated, as bio mom requested when she learned her daughter was in the foster care system. They suggested that CPS should've tried to get this other state to find a foster family for Boo when the 3 families that Boo's bio mom suggested didn't meet the ICPC criteria to foster her.

So, what has bio mom been up to these past 8 months as she awaited news of the Court of Appeals ruling? Well we don't know the entire story, but we do know that she quit her job this fall (because she wasn't getting enough hours) without having another job lined up. We do know that she got arrested 4 times for the same misdemeanor crime within the span of 1 month (Oct-Nov)! We learned this week that her parole was revoked and she's currently incarcerated again, this time for at least 6 months. If she doesn't get written up, she'll be eligible for another parole hearing in the summer of 2010.

You'd think that the fact that she got arrested 4 times and is back in prison would be enough to schedule another severance trial, or at least take the pressure of an ICPC transfer off. Apparently not.

Bio mom's lawyer is still fighting to get Boo transferred to this other state, so Boo can have visits with her bio mom in prison and so that bio mom can start working a case plan if/when she's released from prison next summer.

Sadly, after having the severance ruling overturned, CPS and Boo's lawyer seem to be washing their hands of it all. They're not standing in the way of bio mom's lawyer demanding an ICPC transfer. In fact, CPS is starting to draw up the paperwork in anticipation of the new juvenile judge court ordering that ICPC be started, despite the fact that the judge has said he wants to wait to see what bio mom's incarceration status is (it was not known at the last hearing that her parole was indeed revoked).

Boo has been with our family for nearly 2 years. She is nearly 3 years old. She's seen her bio mom twice (two 1-hour supervised visits that were quite traumatic for Boo) since birth. She doesn't know her. Boo has been through hell being uprooted 3 times before reaching us. We've spent months working to get her stabilized! She thinks of us as her family, we're the only family she's ever truly known. She's well bonded to us. She's thriving and happy here. She's safe and well cared for her. We love her, she loves us.

Sadly, there's a good chance she will be removed from our home and sent to another foster family in another state in the hopes that her bio mom will get out of prison and get her life together so she can parent her child. It will take another 6-9 months from her release date to even have a hope of determining how successful she'll be! So, that means Boo will remain in foster care another year and a half!

CPS and Boo's lawyer are no longer thinking of the best interest of this child. Bio mom's lawyer's job is to protect the rights of the bio mother, even at the expense of the best interest of this child, and he's working hard to do just that.

This bio mom has had over 20 years of criminal/substance abuse history. She's been convicted of 40+ criminal charges (2 felony convictions, the rest misdemeanors). She's been incarcerated in prison 3 times now and has violated parole twice now. I've tried really hard not to judge throughout this process, but for goodness sake, at what point is enough enough?! At what point is her child allowed to have stability and permanency without having to wait longer to see if her bio mom is willing/able to change her life?!

What are we to do?!

Well, we've decided to hire an attorney to represent us. We've filed a Motion to Intervene in the hopes that the judge will make us a party to this case and give us legal standing and a voice, since Boo's lawyer is not proving to be much of a voice for her.

Our lawyer is suggesting that we file a Motion to Severance, to launch another severance trial, in the hopes that bio mom's recent incarceration will provide enough grounds to prove that bio mom will not be able to successfully parent her child in the near future!

There's a Status Hearing scheduled for mid-January and we'll learn more then.

In the meantime, we're loosing sleep worrying about things like, what kind of life will Boo lead if she's forced to leave our family and move to another state and another foster family while waiting to see if her bio mom can change her life? What kind of life will she lead if bio mom holds it together long enough to get Boo back but then later returns to her past unsafe way of life? How will Snuggle Bug (and Ornozo and I) cope with loosing her if it comes to that?

And of course, there's the worry of money. We're the only one in this case having to pay legal fees. Our lawyer has told us it'll cost up to $20,000 to launch our own termination trial. Needless to say, we don't have that kind of money! We're hoping to arrange some fundraisers and ask for donations from family and friends to offset some of this cost.

My nightmare has come true and I'm still in shock!

Your prayers would be much appreciated! I'll update when I know more. Sorry for the lack of consistency but our world is in upheaval right now and blogging regularly is no longer a top priority. I hope you all understand!

Baby Bug's 2nd birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:35:00 +0000

Today is Baby Bug's 2nd birthday. I haven't heard from her mother or seen Baby Bug since April of this year. Her mother just stop keeping in touch or returning my calls.

I'm grieving today. I miss Baby Bug and I would've liked to see her on her birthday.

I know some may think, 'She rejoined her family last August, you should be over it by now!' Maybe I should. Most days I do pretty good. But it's days like today, her birthday, that I'm caught off guard. I'm feeling overly sensitive today. The sweet memories of our time with her are seeping in.

I'm offering up a prayer for this little sweetie, because it's all I can do. I hope she's safe and being well cared for. It's just hard to feel confident of that.

I'm home from surgery!

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 12:15:00 +0000

Well, I made it through my kidney stone surgery and I"m back at home. I got home last night around 7 PM.

The surgery on Thursday went far better than expected (in large part I'm sure due to the prayers everyone has sent out)! The surgeon made the incision into my back, stuck the nephrostomy tube in and went in to laser and pull out the first large kidney stone. She had reserved the O.R. for 4 hours, expecting my case to be a bit complicated. Miraculously, the kidney stone just crumbled to bits before she even started attempting to laser it! She was in and out in a bit less than an hour!

My surgeon told me later that she had to laugh because she was standing next to the Recovery Room nurse when I woke up from surgery and the first question I asked was, "Do I still have my kidney?!" And the next question I asked was, "Is it still working?" Thank goodness the answer was, "Yes" to both of those questions.

Yesterday morning I was sent back to the Cath Lab so that radiology could do a dye injection test of my kidney to see what stone fragments were left from the first kidney stone and to see how big the 2nd stone still was (the surgeon didn't have access to that stone through her first point of entry and warned me she'd in all likelihood have to do a second surgical procedure at a later date). The radiology nurse called Oronzo while I was still asleep from the procedure and told him that it appears the 1st stone was broken into small enough bits to be passed naturally and that the 2nd stone was broken up too!! So, there's a good chance I may not need the second surgery! Time will tell.

I was released to go home last night and sent home with some pretty powerful pain medication. I'm walking quite slowly and certainly can't bend or lift anything but I am walking under my own steam at the moment. Snuggle Bug and Boo were excited to see me come home last night and were very good about heeding Oronzo's warning that I couldn't hold them and they had to be very careful around me. Snuggle Bug wanted to see my "owie" on my back (where the incision was made to get to my kidney) and he seems to accept my news that I'm okay and that the doctor got rid of the owie inside of my kidney.

I found myself exhausted by 8 PM and went to slowly head in to bed. Snuggle Bug and Boo each took one of my hands and said, "We'll help you get to bed" and they walked very slowly with me to put me in to bed and give me "goodnight" kisses. They were very sweet!

Speaking of sweet, thank you so much for your prayers! I know they made a difference. God's hands were clearly all over this surgery for it to have turned out as well as it did!

I'll try to keep you all posted of my progress as I can. For now, although I won't be out running any marathons anytime soon, I'm doing as well as can be expected and I'm thankful that I'm at home and that my recovery appears to be going well so far.

I am feeling very blessed!

Going into surgery tomorrow morning.

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:55:00 +0000

I've been missing in action from my blog not just because we've been busy with the process of getting closer to adopting Boo (although that's been in the works and still is), but lately I've been even more busy going to various doctors and specialists and having tests run, for some health issues that have been recently discovered.

I think long ago I mentioned that I have only 1 kidney (my right one was removed when I was 2 years old).

Well, at an annual physical, it was discovered that I had over-the-top high blood pressure, which is not normal for me. My blood pressure has always been within normal ranges, until recently.

My Primary Care Physician (who I think is awesome) was alarmed and acted aggressively by ordering all sorts of tests on me. She started with blood work and focused on my kidney, telling me that sudden high blood pressure was often a sign of kidney problems and, since I only have one, she was quickly starting to look there.

After all the tests were run (including an ultrasound, a cat scan, and x-rays), it was determined that I have two very large stag horn kidney stones in my one remaining kidney. Left unattended, they are ticking time bombs waiting to go off and the results will not be pretty.

I was referred to a urologist and a nephrologist, and they even consulted with other doctors in their field and it was collectively decided that I needed to have surgery to attempt to have the stones removed (they're too large to pass on their own or be dissolved by medicine and lithotripsy is not a viable option in my case) while I'm in relative good health and not in a crisis situation.

So, tomorrow I go under the knife for a rather invasive surgery that involves cutting into my one remaining kidney. The surgeon did her job very well in informing me of the risks (internal bleeding, infection, accidental damage of other internal organs, renal failure, need for dialysis, even death). As Oronzo and I sat there and listened to her spell all of this out and then signed the paper listing all of these risks, the terror set in.

I'm terrified. I'm terrified that things will go wrong and that I won't wake up from this surgery and I'll never see my kids or husband again. I'm terrified that I'll wake up from surgery and have no kidney left. I'm terrified of all the worst case scenarios.

And it's a bit surreal to have to sit down and explain to your 4 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old children that Mommy has an owie in her kidney and has to go to the hospital for an operation to make it all better. The picture I've attached is the one I showed Snuggle Bug because, bless his heart, he's a worrier and I knew that giving him a visual image would help him process. I thought about crossing out the right kidney, that's missing, but thought that might just confuse him.

And today I spent the day filling out Durable Health Care & Mental Health Power of Attorney forms, as well as Living Will forms. I'm 41 years old and I'm having to face the reality that these forms need to be filled out now, not some day, but NOW.

So, please, if some of you are still reading after my long absence from blogging, please say a prayer for me and my family tomorrow, that all will go well.

I'll be heading in to the OR at about 8:30 AM so that the radiologist people can prep me for the surgeon who starts her procedure at 10 AM. The surgeon told me that the procedure normally takes under 2 hours, but she suspects mine will be longer so she booked the OR for 4 hours!

Thank you! God willing, all will go well and I'll be able to provide you all with an update over the weekend or early next week, depending on how well my healing is going.

Slowly moving forward with Boo's adoption.

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:40:00 +0000

So, I've been out of commission in the blogger world lately. What can I say, we've been busy on this end.

Today was a good day. Oronzo took both kids out and kept them busy for about 4 hours so that I could clean our home from top to bottom!! I guess you could consider this a fall cleaning, but I had a specific purpose in mind for the clean fest.

We had another home inspection today, you see, and we passed! In the past 4 1/2 years, we've had 4 home inspections. One for Snuggle Bug's adoption, and 3 now for fostering (the initial one and now 2 renewals). So, by now, I know exactly what they're looking for and I made sure our house was in order.

The medicines were locked up appropriately. Our pool gates were padlocked, probably not necessary considering we have self-latching, self-closing gates, but with the state you can never be too prepared. We made sure the smoke detectors in every room had functional batteries. All the cleaning supplies were up out of reach. Our meager stash of liquor (wine and stuff for mixed drinks when we have parties) was up on a high shelf out of reach. The fire extinguisher is a current model. Our evacuation plan was prominently displayed. Every room of the house was neat and tidy. Everything was in order and we passed! Hooray!

Our foster licensing worker was in our home for about 30 minutes, and after doing the walk-through of the house, he sat and reviewed the mound of paperwork that we had to fill out for the relicensing. All was in order (yep, we're getting good at this).

We've been told that once we get certified for fostering for another year, that also transfers over to get us certified for adoption for Boo! :) We don't have to go through the same process twice in one year, thank goodness.

We're keeping our fingers crossed that we'll be allowed to finalize Boo's adoption by mid-November, in time for a huge adoption celebration that our city is holding in the park. It'll all depend on how well the foster agency and the adoption agency work together in passing information back and forth for certification. And it'll depend on whether or not that appeals ruling will be returned in time.

We'd appreciate your prayers. It's moving forward...just rather slowly! We can't wait for Boo to be a permanent part of our family!

By the way, check back later this week. I have some books to review and give away!

Favorite Ingredients Friday (Grilled Sweet Pepper Poppers)

noreply@blogger.com (Overwhelmed!) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:45:00 +0000

Good Friday to you all! It's time for another Favorite Ingredients Friday recipe exchange! I can't wait to see what you all come up with!

Check out my upcoming themed schedule below:

Upcoming 2009 "Themed" Schedule

September 4- Kid Friendly Meals Edition

September 18- Bread Edition

October 2- Sauce Edition

We're still happily grilling and I came across this recipe in a Safeway grocery store a while back. These are so yummy! You have to try them!

Now, I look forward to seeing your Favorite Ingredients Friday recipe!

Don't forget to link your specific recipe post link on Mr. Linky so I can see what's cooking at your house!

Oh, and be sure to put the title of your recipe in parenthesis! It makes it so much quicker for me to go back and search for recipes as I build my weekly menu.

For guidelines and my past Favorite Ingredients Friday recipes, click here.

Thanks so much for your participation. I do appreciate it!