PBG's TroubleTree

Bitter Sweet ups and downs ...

2011-10-15T10:26:00.000-04:00

Gratitude for lessons learned and "old" telephone poles!

2011-05-19T09:54:00.000-04:00

I am just coming off one of the worst weeks of my life... with a re-flair of an illness (I thought was kicked), some professional set-backs, a few financial challenges ... and then our 17 year old son hits a telephone pole and nothing else seemed relevant ...

Then just as suddenly...everything was relevant and in crisis mode... He is a good kid, a new driver, coming back after taking his girlfriend home, it was a late Saturday afternoon (after his varsity baseball game), he was tired and closed his eyes for a second... His last thought before hitting the pole was "Dad is going to kill me"

The worst feeling in the world is driving to the scene of an accident involving your child, the 5 miles seem like hundreds... and then you see the flashing lights and loose all rational control until you hold your "safe" child in your arms .

My husband and I were second guessing every decision, questioning our judgment, his abilities. He is fine... not a scratch on him, the car and the pole (thankfully it was old and broke in half) however are both totaled.

The real kicker was that my "fibro-fog" lead me to forget some critical things (insurance stuff) prior to the accident that made the situation much more complicated & potentially financially devastating. After hours of hysterical crying... I mustered up enough braincells to correct the situation. My trust in myself was gone, I was physically, emotionally & spiritually bankrupt.

Forgetting the one thing that really matters; we still had both of our sons (above). And today I get this e-mail ...

*******************************
ELIMINATING THINGS ABOUT MYSELF AND MY LIFE THAT I HAVE DETERMINED ARE UNACCEPTABLE

I am now receptive to the idea that . . .

God's inner vision of me can be the outer vision I create for myself.

There is nothing you need to do to make yourself more acceptable to God. You don't have to work harder, nor do you need to change the kind of work that you do. You don't have to give more money to more charitable organizations. The reality is, God doesn't want you to give anyone anything if you only do it to impress God! God does not love you or find you acceptable because of anything that you do. God loves you and accepts you because you are a part of God.

You can now give up any neurotic beliefs and activities associated with perfection. That's right! You can stop trying to be perfect! You can stop trying to do everything perfectly. You can save the time, energy and money you are spending trying to make the world or other people perfect. You can stop trying to figure out how to make yourself greater, grander, more acceptable to God today because you consider yourself to be damaged by the mistakes you made yesterday. Nothing you can do will make you look better, sound better, smell better or in any way be better, more acceptable than the person God made you to be.

God has an inner vision. God is looking at you from the inside out. When you are accepting of yourself as a divine creation of God, undeniably connected to God, filled with the love of God, you become acceptable to yourself. That is really all that God is concerned with.

Until today, you may have believed that there was something you needed to do to make yourself more acceptable to God. Just for today, examine and explore the aspects of yourself you believe are unacceptable. Identify the behaviors and actions you are engaged in and make a list of those things you choose to eliminate. Just remember that God is happy when you are happy. So do it for yourself.

Today I am devoted to eliminating those things about myself and my life that I have determined are unacceptable!"

From Until Today!

by Iyanla Vanzant http://ow.ly/4Y6VN

My lessons learned:

be grateful first and last
as parents you can do your best; stuff still happens
be gentle with yourself
share your limitations, ask for help
God knows what he is doing ... we are truly blessed

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day: Pain Does Not Reduce Potential (Guest)

2011-05-12T15:41:00.000-04:00

National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day: May 12th

by FibroHaven

Potential - Noun: Latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.

When I think of my desire to get well, the idea of being “cured” has never been my emphasis. Would it be amazing if one day we are all completely free of fibromyalgia? Absolutely! But in my quest to live better, I have never focused on a cure as my destination. Instead of focusing on a cure – something I cannot control, I have tried to focus on my potential for living better in each moment – something I can control, and on building momentum during the good moments and minimizing the bad. It is a formula that often works, and continues to encourage me to keep trying, even if it means I sometimes fail and fibromyalgia wins.
In our frustration with the many debilitating symptoms and lifestyle disruptions of FM, we often look for (and hope for) the quick fix. Who can blame us? But if there is one thing I can share today to encourage and inspire those of you trying to make sense of the misery of FM, it is this – focus on the things you can control, and let go of your attachment to the things you cannot. Be realistic. Understand that you can live better and that you do have a measurable amount of control over your symptoms.

Small changes can really add up to decreased symptoms and a better quality of life.

By being present and focusing on the variables you can control, you are doing the very best for yourself. Minimizing stress, eliminating sugar and gluten, exercising, etc. will not cure you of FM, but they will help reduce your symptoms and increase your quality of life. It is just a fact. A life with chronic illness is still a life full of potential and possibility, but we have a part to play to reach that potential.

Frida turned her pain into her passion.

The great Mexican artist and revolutionary Frida Khalo lived her life of chronic illness with passion and vigor – painting many masterpieces along the way. I am no Frida, but I certainly have a lot to live passionately for. Fibromyalgia or not, my life has purpose and I intend to continue focusing on the possibilities rather than the pain. And I know I am not alone. There are many of you who feel the same, so for you, this is just a gentle reminder of your potential.
And for those of you who need a little more encouragement I offer this:
Start small. Change happens slowly. This is an uphill battle we are all facing, but each baby-step takes us closer to where it is we want to be – as long as we have a realistic view of our destination. The path is bumpy, and dusty, and there are many obstacles – and even some booby traps – but with dedication and determination, it is passable.
Celebrate and build on the little victories. Again, this means you must have realistic expectations. Maybe you start walking 5-10 minutes a day. And 4 out of 7 days you do so relatively pain free. Yes! Definitely worthy of a celebration. Sometimes you will not see the results of your efforts immediately, but just know that your efforts are having an effect, and that change is happening. This is why it is so important to stay encouraged, because our bodies give us many reasons to be discouraged. Chose to focus on the potential, not the pain.
Understand that even with improvement, the bad days will still come. This does not mean that all of the good work you have been doing is lost. It does not mean that you should be discouraged and give up. It is simply a fact of a life with chronic illness – one of the facts we cannot change, so slow down, accept the setback, and prepare yourself to move forward again once you are able. Fibromyalgia is not a static condition. It changes and fluctuates constantly. Know that no matter how bad you are feeling in any particular moment, there are better moments ahead. Pain of today does not reduce your potential for tomorrow.
Pain Does Not Reduce Potential

New Video: Christine Miserandino reads ‘The Spoon Theory’

2011-04-14T14:43:00.000-04:00

New Video: Christine Miserandino reads ‘The Spoon Theory’

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino

www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

Lead Out Loud!!!

2011-04-12T10:28:00.001-04:00

Success Secrets Movie: (Click)
"Some will try to stand in your way, others will follow."
William Feather said it best...

""Success... seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go."

(Watch this short video and find your ability to lead and inspire.)

Making Sense of Fibromyalgia ...

2011-04-05T10:14:00.000-04:00

I have been caught up in a very long period of severe symptoms... sometimes affecting my life beyond levels of what I think I can handle.

The good news is... It feels like I am coming out the other end (blogging is always a good sign). I can see an improvement everyday, even if it is just in small ways.

Most times I have no idea how I get through and then I just look around, at my support system, and I know! With patience, understanding, communication and information... we all cope better.

The greater the knowledge, the greater the comfort level. If you, or someone you care about, are fighting Fibromyalgia... encourage others to learn as much as possible.

Below are some basic points to help the people in your life better understand the condition that affects millions and controls every aspect of life.

Fibromyalgia Basic Facts

Greater than 4 million people, in this country, currently have a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. It does not discriminate; children, those in the prime of their lives, elderly, men, and women have been diagnosed with this condition.

Fibromyalgia is a condition that produces chronic pain of the soft tissues that may include the muscles, ligaments and tendons. It also may produce a number of other symptoms including temperature sensitivities; numbness and tingling that may travel throughout the body, fatigue, insomnia, concentration problems, gastric upset, headaches, joint discomfort and depression.

Diagnosis is difficult. Currently, there is not a medical test available that will clearly diagnosis the condition. Fibromyalgia does not provide a clear physical, visual trait that can easily be recognized by a physician. Many patients suffer with symptoms for years before receiving a definitive diagnosis. Currently, diagnosis is based on patient history and tender point sensitivity. 18 sites on the body have been classified as “Tender Points”. Extreme sensitivity upon palpation of at least 11 of these 18 points as well as a history of widespread, chronic body pain for at least 3 months provides the most definitive diagnosis at this time.

The underlying cause of Fibromyalgia is unknown. Research is ongoing to understand the exact cause and new treatment options. To-date, researchers agree that Fibromyalgia patients have an enhanced pain sensitivity and response originating from the central nervous system. Traumatic illness or injury may trigger the condition. In addition, research is continuing to determine if other factors may lead to the development of Fibromyalgia including; genetics, environmental factors, autoimmune dysfunction, nutritional deficiencies and connective tissue disease.

Frequency, degree and location of pain vary from day to day for Fibromyalgia patients. It is important to understand that on any given day a Fibromyalgia patient’s level of discomfort may range from mild muscle stiffness to extreme, radiating pain so severe they feel completely debilitated and unable to carry out simple daily activities.

Treatment is focused on managing the symptoms. Since the severity of the condition varies from person to person and day to day, the treatment plan focuses on the determination of the underlying causes and an effective regimen to alleviate the symptoms to attain and meet the lifestyle goals of the patient. It must be an individualized plan based. There is no simple answer and management of this condition requires a multi-therapeutic approach. The patient must be focused, determined and dedicated to taking control to increase their functionality.

A well-rounded management program, with the assistance of a knowledgeable physician who will work diligently to determine the underlying factors, may also include; nutritional counseling, conditioning and exercise programs, alternative therapies such as acupressure and massage, stress management and relaxation techniques as well as, lifestyle changes.

Support from family and friends is critical... Understanding of the condition, the limitations it creates and working to assist them with their management program can make a tremendous difference in helping them get through the lows ... and together, enjoy the highs!

For more information visit www.fmaware.org

Be Brave, My Friends (Guest)

2011-03-29T11:33:00.000-04:00

Dear Fellow "ChronicBabes",

Today I want to share with you a short, simple message: Be brave in the face of chronic illness. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by fear or sadness. It’s easy to get confused, or to feel swamped with questions about the unknown—or to be angry about having to live with something you didn’t plan for, or don’t want to face. These feelings can weigh you down, and can fester and turn into fear.

Fear can hold you back. Fear can stop you in your tracks. Fear can keep you from being the truly awesome Babe you are meant to be.

I know this because I’ve let fear stop me before. I can tell you this because I’ve been there myself—I’ve experienced times in my life when fear overwhelmed me and stopped me cold.

But every day, I recommit myself to stand up against my fears and to live an incredible life in spite of chronic illness. And today is really one of those days—a day when I am truly standing tall and meeting my fear face-to-face, looking it square in the eye, saying hello to it, and then walking right on by. Fear is not going to stop me from being an awesome ChronicBabe, no matter how sick I am. I am going to rock this life!

Maybe this fear-fighting idea is old news to you; in that case, let this simply be a gentle reminder from a good friend. On the other hand, maybe this is a fresh idea for you; in that case, I hope you’ll consider printing this email and carrying it in your pocket for a few days, re-reading it each time you feel fear tug at your sleeve. (This is a favorite trick of mine.)

Feel fear? Face it down. Don’t let it stop you. I believe in you! And if you want to talk about your favorite fear-busting techniques, come on over to the Forum and we can have a chat about it. I’ve already started a list there of some of my favorite fear-fighting techniques and I think our Forum members will be posting lots more.

Thanks for sharing this moment with me, friends. Be AWAP… (As. Well. As. Possible.)

XO,

Editrix Jenni

chronicbabe.com

» Do a friend a favor—forward this newsletter!

"Life is like Coffee" Movie

2011-03-18T17:55:00.000-04:00

Click on link to view video:
http://www.flickspire.com/m/SimpleTruths/LifeIsLikeCoffee

"Do you know people that just seem to be happier in general? Do you say to yourself, "I want to be more like them"?

Often, the happiest people in the world don’t have the best of everything... they just make the best of everything!"

Remember Your Good Parts (Guest)

2010-12-03T12:44:00.000-05:00

We're anxious, fearful, insecure people. These parts have a lot of pull over us and even when we fight against our own wretchedness and try to improve, we still lose. We begin to believe that no matter how much we do, we just can't change. Hopelessness is created and sustained by self-bullying.

What if instead of exhausting ourselves with doubt, we listened to the parts of us that encourage?

You know the ones. We forget them because it takes quiet and safety for them to come out, and bullying ourselves doesn't make us feel safe. But these parts do (very much) exist.

And when they are heard and heeded, they're powerful. They give you energy rather than you spending it. You feel nourished, not judged. Sustained, not drained.

They show you that you're all right, maybe even good. You're comfortable, at ease, able to pause instead of quickly react. They show you that you may even be mostly kind and honest.

You may have felt these parts when you've:

supported a friend even if he's disagreed with you
expressed patience with a challenging colleague at work or school
allowed yourself to smile at someone despite your angry, defensive mood
laughed so hard at a joke that you remembered it all day and it made you laugh every time
asked someone else how they were feeling even though you felt extremely sad
paused and noticed if you were about to create unnecessary personal drama
had a good idea for a project that you didn't care if others approved of
written something- a line, an article, a blog post, a note to a friend that made you smile
held back and given guidance only when your child asked for it
pushed yourself to learn something small you didn't think you could learn
felt the sincere kindness of a stranger that made you feel super grateful
went to a meeting even though you felt nervous to contribute
walked outside in the cold in a big puffy coat alone or with your dog and felt cozy
completed a task that weighed heavy on your mind for weeks prior
remembered a memory of someone you once loved who taught you something about yourself
done the dishes or made dinner even though you really didn't want to
stayed calm for even a minute during an intense situation or conversation
felt lonesome and sad and instead of drinking beer, you ate carrots
shared your second idea even though everyone hated your first one

Sometimes you really make an effort and things work out great. Other times things turn out only okay. That's just fine. Even though you may feel like a hopeless, sleepwalking, nervous fool, these parts show you otherwise. They have proof. "You're more than just your hungry, habitual parts. Remember that one time you did that one thing?You were super strong then, so we know what you're made of."

These parts show you the fresh reserves of strength, tact, creativity, and gratitude hidden behind your fear. Before we go deaf listening to the noise, let's realize the power in listening beyond it to the parts of ourselves that matter.

This weekend, take some time to pause and listen to your special, good parts since they're there. If you don't listen, who will?

fearlessstories.com

Passing the Invisible Boundary (Guest)

2010-09-28T07:45:00.000-04:00

Passing the Invisible Boundary

If one advances confidently in the direction of their dream, endeavoring to live the life they are imagining, he will put somethings behind. He will pass the invisible boundary. ~Emerson

I dream of being whole. I dream of healing. I dream of living with passion and with purpose and without pain. I am not there yet, but I am headed confidently in that direction.

After one month of yoga teacher training, I am certain I am on the right path. In this short time I have learned that although suffering exists, so too does happiness, and I have the ability to nurture my happiness, which in turn diminishes my suffering.

I have learned there are specific causes of suffering I have control over – what I eat, what I think, how I react. I can choose to nurture rather than deplete. We can all make this choice.

I am learning to live a mindful life – mindful of how I contribute to my suffering. Awareness is key. I am aware of my suffering, and aware that in me is the ability to acknowledge suffering while not living in suffering. It is imperative that I acknowledge my suffering if I ever hope to move past it. I can never understand a part of myself that I ignore or that I deny. Cessation of suffering comes only with awareness.

With awareness our actions are liberating and creative. When we are unmindful, we become caught in our conditioning and reactivity, and this conditioned reactivity keeps us bound to the cycle of suffering. ~Frank Jude Boccio, Mindfulness Yoga

I have been aware of the physical benefits of yoga for some time. That is why I made the decision to enroll in teacher training – I knew it would continue to help me heal, and in turn I could continue to inspire others to do the same. But I was not expecting the spiritual growth I am now experiencing. I was not mindful – but I am heading confidently in that direction.

Yoga is mind-body-spirit.
Yoga is all encompassing.
Yoga is life.
Yoga is gently leading me through the invisible boundaries.

What is your "Yoga"? ...

Make it so...

2010-08-31T08:15:00.000-04:00

"Don't be afraid of the space between

your dreams and reality. If you can

dream it, you can make it so."

- Belva Davis

Quality, Not Quantity!

2010-08-19T11:16:00.000-04:00

"Never worry about numbers...
Help one person at a time,
and always start with
the person nearest you."
- Mother Teresa

Creating the life of your dreams (Guest)

2010-08-03T06:44:00.000-04:00

Almost all of our problems and limitations stem from unhelpful mental programming. Before you can create the life of your dreams, you must first take back control of your mind. ~ Jay Cataldo

Jay Cataldo

Jay is a life coach, relationship expert, author of Get Your Girl Back and a childhood cancer survivor.

If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I'd want to pass along to others...

1. Write down your goals and look at them every day.

Follow these 4 steps:

Write down goals, Look at goals, Take action, Repeat

2. Have a support system in place for when you feel down or depressed.

You'll always have "those days" so a good coping strategy is mandatory. And no matter how miserable you may feel, remember to repeat the mantra "this will pass" over and over again in your mind.

3. Your unconscious mind is running the show so learn how to communicate with it.

Instead of struggling to use your willpower to overcome your challenges, reprogram yourself with the proper tools (coaching, hypnosis, EFT, etc.) and watch your life get a thousand times easier (and much more fun).

4. Make a list of your accomplishments and look them over at least once a week.

Our brains tend to focus on negativity so it's easy to forget how awesome we are. Be grateful for everything you've done, everything you have and everything you're about to accomplish.

5. Learn people skills above all else.

Quality relationships will take you far. A good place to start is with the book "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

6. Proper nutrition is vital.

Food can affect our moods as much as our body composition. Learn to love healthy eating.

7. Question everything you hear!

Doctors, professors, clergy, etc. are not infallible. They are human just like the rest of us. Always do your own research.

8. Learn to be amazing with the opposite sex.

Satisfying romantic relationships can add a dimension to your life that nothing else can touch. Luckily, it's a skill set that can be learned.

9. Your beliefs create your universe.

Examine your existing beliefs on a daily basis and work hard to eradicate the ones which hinder your growth.

10. Never stop learning.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn used to say "Poor people have big TV's. Rich people have big libraries." Read, read, and read some more.

11. Hire a coach!

Almost every successful person the world over has worked with a mentor or coach. It's a prerequisite for success.

12. Lighten up!

There's a time and a place to be serious but now is not the time. ;-)

13. Never sell yourself short. Ever.

The second you label yourself as "not an X kind of person" or tell yourself "I could never do that" you instantly become correct. And of course, you'll never change or be anything otherwise! Instead, cultivate a mindset of unlimited possibility. Whatever you don't understand right now, you will eventually figure out.

14. Learn to love the grunt work.

It's inevitable, so you might as well enjoy it. Praise and reward yourself when you complete your daily tasks.

15. Keep on moving forward.

The world can be a scary place and you will get beat down occasionally. Just remember that no matter what happens, you can bounce back from it. This realization will help keep you open, loving and pushing forward despite the obstacles in your path.

16. Stay in control of yourself at all times.

Learn to master your thoughts, actions and emotions and make them work FOR you, not against you.

17. When in doubt, ask for help.

The universe is always listening.

Charity Water: If you are in a position to; please donate today!

2010-07-16T12:03:00.000-04:00

Share your Birthday! You can do what many others have done... ask for donations instead of birthday cards or gifts.... as my friend Kristen Bell did today to celebrate her 30th birthday!

Making Your Email Campaign a Two-way Conversation

2010-07-15T07:43:00.021-04:00

http://ping.fm/nCINx

So Awesome! Will Smith... Motivator!

2010-07-09T12:27:00.003-04:00

Will Smith – Motivator – The Affirmation Spot for Friday July 9, 2010 « The Affirmation Spot

Do you "Blog" or are you a "Blogger"?

2010-07-02T06:45:00.000-04:00

There is a very important difference... I just happen to blog, among many other things I do, I am NOT a "Blogger" ... In my opinion ...

You might be a "Blogger" if...

- You are Consistent; you make regular and timely posts (Me- I blog when the mood strikes, I have 6 posts still in draft form and 12 more ideas in my head that may or may not ever be posted... balance and consistency have eluded me all my life. And there is also that perfectionism thingy)

- You are Original; you formulate your own new and creative ideas & thoughts; sharing them for the benefit and thought stimulation of others (Me- I do enjoy writing my own stuff but I also collect other people's stuff to share {always crediting the source}... 'cause frankly sometimes others say what I want to say... only better!)

- You are Focused; you have one or two passions you specialize in. (Me- I am all over the map... as in my life... everything flows and melds together.)

Not everyone can ... or should be a "Blogger" ... but everyone that chooses to can "Blog"...

Nope, I am not a "Blogger" ... but that is OK! :)

The Benefits I Didn't Expect (Guest) by Lisa

2010-06-29T14:59:00.000-04:00

Sometime you read something that sounds so much like you, that you wish you had wrote it yourself ... and you wonder how could another person truly understand what is going on deep inside of you... Here are Lisa's words... Thank you Lisa... because you said it for all of us:

"It’s easy to get mired in our suffering, to feel we’re overwhelmed by forces in our bodies that bring us to our knees. I’ve been there for years, and things came to such a head that I simply couldn’t see any opening in that profound negativity no matter how hard I tried. Because Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue can bleed your soul. But as I begin to recover a sense of wellness, as my hope is rewarded month by month, I begin to reach for the positive in what has happened and is happening to me. “Find the good in this,” I urge myself.

Is there good in suffering? Not directly. It’s a bad physical and mental place no matter how you slice it. But when we dedicate ourselves to our own rescue, I think we can indeed start to identify profoundly positive things.

For me, for many of the patients I speak with, walking this particular bed of coals can become a transforming experience. We can heal our bodies and along the way gain a new perspective on our lives.

What things have I identified as positives in having FM and CFS?

I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. Not my health, not my creativity, not my memory, not the support of those who love me. And I’ve learned I am absolutely not willing to let go of those things. To be able to value the essentials you never used to question? I think that’s a gateway to awareness.

Small things aren’t small anymore. I’m paying attention as I’ve never paid attention before. To the strong colours that bloom in the evening sun. To the fingers my body wags at me. To the amazing feeling of a morning that isn’t filled with crippling anxiety. In ways, it’s like not living blind. To be able to truly see? Isn’t that the foundation of defining meaning and truly participating in your life?

I used to live a crazy life. I did too much, let too much get to me, and when I was overwhelmed, I imagined stripping everything from my life, just throwing it all away, so all that was left was an empty white room I could refill with only those things that mattered. But it’s hard to remove the excess consciously. FM and CFS do that for you. As you grow to feel worse, you give up more and more, and then even more, just so you can keep up with the bare essentials. As you grow to feel better, you gradually add back those things that matter most. Knowing what matters most? Isn’t that one of the joys of life?

When I discovered I had FM and CFS, I became aware of just how hard I’d been trying to deny what was happening and to keep hold of my life. With a diagnosis in hand, I thought I was pretty stupid to have lived in denial that long, but we all need to honor the kind of strength that keeps us going. Now that I’m in treatment and tasting wellness, I’m aware of how I have committed to every supplement I swallow, to accepting and working through the plateaus that can disappoint, to pushing like a marathon runner to the finish line. We all need to honor that kind of courage. To know you have the strength and courage not to give up? Priceless.

The quality of empathy is more like a theory - and a little harder to extend to others - unless you’ve been through the wringer yourself. My heart is opening in ways I hadn’t expected; every day I’m increasingly aware how something is shaping my compassion. Knowing you can live caring and open? Our world is constructed of relationships, and the more of ourselves we can bring to them, the more we are fulfilled.

One woman I spoke with told me, “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly. And to me, that is exactly what has happened in my life over the last five months. It’s changed my life for the better. Something so devastating took everything away from me. I had never imagined how that could parlay into something that refined me by fire. And it really did. It made me a better person.”

Treatment is about healing my body. It has also become about healing the soul FM and CFS bled from me. Along the way, I’ve found I’m not just reclaiming my life, I’m growing into a whole new life. Because recovering from anything takes effort, these are the things we need to hold close.

In all things - even this - there is good."

Dear Corporations... FYI... BE NICE! (... yeah, even to current customers!)

2010-06-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

As I was paying my bills today on-line as I do several times a month ... and once again I was amazed (why it surprises me every month- idk) at how difficult it is to get to the pay my bill page. I go through loop after loop; mostly designed for signing-up for a NEW account...

A simple "pay bill" link is nowhere to be found. (I won't mention any names ... like Rochester Gas & Electric or Time Warner Cable... that is just between us) :)

Which makes me wonder; where is the respect for the consistent and loyal?... why are we so much nicer to the new and shiny??? !!!

My Children: A Mother couldn't be Prouder!!!

2010-06-23T12:28:00.170-04:00

I know every mother probably thinks this (even if she doesn't say it out loud); "My kids are the BEST kids in the world". Well, objectively speaking, mine really are! As objective as I can be... lol ("laugh out loud" for those not familiar with the jargon). I was pleasantly reminded of how blessed we are after the recent Father's Day photo shoot. The kids wanted to do something really special this year. If you don't know Charlie, I have to tell you, he is difficult to buy for (if he needs it- he has already bought it; if he doesn't- he'll take it back) and even harder to surprise!

Even though picture taking is not high on their list of enjoyable experiences the kids were great sports (well almost- RC wasn't very happy as you can see in some of the video pictures). And to make matters worse, to keep it a surprise, they had to give up Charlie's softball game (which they love to do every Friday evening).

These are more than just great pictures of our good looking teens... even Chris, our photographer, (TheStoryPhotography.com) mentioned what really great kids they are and how easy they are to work with... the pictures reflect who they really are.

Phillip, Olivia & RC in full Black Belt Gi

The karate pictures bring back memories of the many years of training (me dragging them ... and then, them dragging me); while juggling carpooling, homework, football, baseball, wrestling, swimming... all through hot summer days and winter snowstorms. The boys testing for their black belt together; running their 2 mile run in record time, sitting in "shiqudatchi " for hours with their instructors on their shoulders and Olivia testing a year later at 12 with her oldest brother running right beside her... pushing her forward.

The wonders of DNA: the same genes, same parents, same house... very different kids...

RC, 17

RC is a our quiet teddy bear... with a gentle heart bigger than his stature. One story about RC, in particular, stands out for me. A few years ago we were visiting the traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall at the fairgrounds. As usual, there were long lines, crowds of people and one nervous mother (me) trying to keep a headcount with one eye on the little heads and the other on the wall. As I turned to do my "every 10 second" headcount, I suddenly realized that I could no longer see RC... he had lagged behind. I grabbed the other kids, back tracked through the crowd and was ready to give the "you stay with me no matter what" lecture. I quickly noticed that he had his arms full of stuff that was not his. He had stayed back to help out a dad so he could lift his young daughter up on his shoulders to do a pencil trace of a name of someone that they had loved and lost. No one has to ask RC to do things ... he just sees where people need help and he gives it.

Phillip, 16

Phillip is our social magpie, comic relief and swamp land salesman... There is constant laughter, very long stories and up to minute product reviews in our home. And a few "I like Turtles"... don't ask! I remember one time when he was very little he told me that I should buy cascade because it was the BEST, and it is the best because they said so... I thanked him but explained that we were not buying it, because we didn't own a dishwasher. He was very upset because it was the best and we had to have the best to make things easier for me. Phillip brings the smiles and laughter to our home in his own unique and creative ways. We have since bought a dishwasher and yes, we do use cascade!

Olivia, 13

Olivia is beautiful, talented, athletic, smart ("high honor roll smart") and VERY organized ... we use to call it "bossy" but she has blossomed into an amazing leader. Given any task she breaks it down into steps, delegates and pulls everything off without a hitch. She has become my linchpin ... not being able to do what I use to do; since the onset of my fibromyalgia. When Olivia was 2 she only had about 5 words in her vocabulary. As parents we were of course very concerned. We took her through testing, hired a speech therapist and within 6 months she had over a 1,000 words (using them hourly of course). Her therapist, Lisa, said "she was just waiting patiently to be able to say them perfectly, before she wasted any breathe saying them".

Charlie and I are truly blessed; it is so nice to be reminded between the: "When are you going to clean your room?" "Who loaded dirty dishes on top of the clean dishes in the dishwasher?" and the all too frequent ".. you need how much money, and by when? "

"No More Strangers": Seth's Blog (Guest)

2010-05-17T12:19:00.005-04:00

I have been saying for years; in all my different roles ... it is all about the quality & effort put into the relationships you have... and by doing that, you can't help but to attract people you have not yet met personally ... but at that point, they are not really strangers, are they? .... they are friends of friends... of friends...

As In Seth's blog today ...

The circles (no more strangers)
It's so tempting to seek out more strangers. More strangers to pitch your business, your candidate, your non-profit, your blog... More strangers means more upside and not so much downside. It means growth.

The problem is that strangers are difficult to convert. And the other problem is that they're expensive to reach. And the hardest problem is that we're running out of strangers.

Consider this hierarchy: Strangers, Friends, Listeners, Customers, Sneezers, Fans and True Fans. One true fan is worth perhaps 10,000 times as much as a stranger. And yet if you're in search of strangers, odds are you're going to mistreat a true fan in order to seduce yet another stranger who probably won't reward you much.

Let's say a marketer has $10,000 to spend. Is it better to acquire new customers at $2,000 each (advertising is expensive) or spend $10 a customer to absolutely delight and overwhelm 1,000 true fans? Or consider a non-profit looking to generate more donations. Is it better to embrace the core donor base and work with them to host small parties with their friends to spread the word, or would hiring a PR firm to get a bunch of articles placed pay off more efficiently? ...

I’m NOT alright – A women’s perspective of FM by Graceful Agony

2010-05-13T09:48:00.013-04:00

Graceful Agony

But you don't look sick?

One step at a time

2010-05-08T15:27:00.000-04:00

"'The greatest things ever done on Earth
have been done little by little.'
- William Jennings Bryan"

Video of the Day: Ellen's iPhone Commercial Update!

2010-05-05T16:58:00.000-04:00

Video of the Day: Ellen's iPhone Commercial Update!

Apple ... get a sense of HUMOR!

2010-05-05T16:06:00.010-04:00

This is absolutely ridiculous!

Is Apple that rigid that they can't laugh at themselves (what about their Mac/PC Vista Commercials)?...

Do they think we are that stupid? ... Are we not going to buy it because Ellen made a joke??? PLEASE!

... of course "smartphones" are difficult to use... thus the "smart" in the phone.

We love our gadgets and we love to figure them out... and if we didn't we wouldn't even think about touching an iPhone!

I love ELLEN... Why would Ellen feel the need to apologize? Does she need the sponsor money so badly?

... how long would it take her to apologize to everyone she has ever made fun of...

Just saying....

Apple Isn’t Laughing at Ellen’s iPhone Commercial Parody [VIDEO]

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