Slop Culture

Round Deux: Tila Tequila is still looking for "the one"

Sharon Steel — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:04:06 GMT

I'm not very skilled at predicting things that could provide me with some form of material gain, like, say, the stock market. And I'm no fortune teller -- try as I did to memorize the palm-reading gift book I picked up in the Occult section of Barnes & Noble when I was 13, I don't have a fucking clue about my own future, and even less of an inkling about those who let me stare at the lines on their hands.

But I do get premonitions, sometimes, and when it comes to Tila Tequila, a tiny bisexual freak whose public persona has perplexed me ever since she started shaking ass on FUSE's Pants Off Dance Off, I tend to be right. When last I wrote about Tila and her Shot At Love scripted-reality dating shitshow, I knew in advance that one of the bachelors vying for her affections would wind up with a show of his own. Dominico, the "server" from Italia, just completed his search for a lady in That's Amore. And for round two, I'm betting that Tila is going to wind up with a lady instead of a dude (fair play, right?), and that this as-yet-unknown gal will launch an MTV career far, far bigger than Tila's. This will cause hair-pulling and teeth-gritting and gross displays of jealousy that will have the world watching -- er, or maybe just me! Perhaps, instead of a reality show, T's latest plus-one may, against all odds, actually stumble upon a few "real" acting gigs. Obvs, Tila's super-sensy about that sort of thing. As she told the News, one of the reasons she and last season's winner, Bobby, broke up in the first place was because:

"During the time when you shoot something like that, you really do fall in love. But then afterwards, the person you thought you fell in love with totally changes," said Tequila. "It was just unfortunate that he started showing me other sides of him, like telling me that he was meeting with agents and managers. That was kind of weird."

Agents? Managers? You mean he wasn't on the show just so he could get to second base? Oh, that Tila! If she weren't as dim and misguided as ever, I don't know what I'd do.

A Shot at Love II premieres tonight, Tuesday April 22, at 10 pm EST on MTV (where else?!)

Mazel Tov, Ashlee and Pete!

Sharon Steel — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:18:20 GMT

OMGOD I love them! Ashlee and Pete are going to become one in holy matrimony pretty soon. Hurrah!

Madonna reborn as a lollipop

eldean — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 23:42:41 GMT

I'm sure there is a point to the launch site of Madonna's new music video 4 Minutes, featuring Justin Timberlake... I'm not sure what it is. An obsession with the number 4? Out-of-season hard candy? And lots of annoying tick-tocking?

Madonna's new vid will debut on 04.04 at 4:44pm here. Meanwhile, she is busy promoting herself in both Elle and Elle UK. The pictures are very good, unnaturally tight face and tight thighs. But the interview, so far, reads like a fluff piece, in which Madonna agrees to talk with rambling-and-self-absorbed Simon Doonan about how famous she is, while avoiding any interesting details about her personal life, i.e. Guy Ritchie and sex.

Boring, Madonna, boring.

The HIlls: Audrina gets naked and looks holy at the same time

eldean — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:08:33 GMT

In the church of bubble bath

Here's the story: she was 19! innocent! unassuming! didn't know WHO to trust! But she also wanted to maybe, be in Playboy! Oh Audrina, what a silly soul!

And more importantly, what will Lauren think? That orange cowboy hat is hideous.

Locally posted NSFW pics here. Those faces.

High School Confidential

eldean — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 20:01:27 GMT

On the eve of Juno, WE tries to shock us with horror-REAL-LIFE-high-school stories, documented by single mother and corporate marketer Sharon Liese.

Among the usual OMG!/WTF!-yes-high-schoolers-do-give-blow-jobs banter, there are some less titillating and more REAL moments: brain tumors, abortion, and what I can only think to call "underage marriage" to a young man in the military. Unlike the string of MTV shows along the the same line - Made, True Life, and Engaged and Underage - Liese's film lacks the underlying sense of fame - these girls are not cooperating with an MTV contract. They are drinking, having sex, experiencing self-doubt and depression - basically, they are going to high school and doing what they do.

The perfect storm: Britney Spears and Heidi Montag

eldean — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:22:20 GMT

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

THE POP CUTLURE APOCOLYPSE: A Britney Spears/Heidi Montag duet just premiered on Ryan Seacrest's talk show. The song is called "Dramatic" and may be part of a forthcoming Britney Spears - Duets album — BUT it sounds more like a solo from someone, breathlessly, trying to be Britney Spears. WTF! The girls are interchangeable! See above!!!!

Click here to listen.

WTF fashion photo

eldean — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:03:06 GMT

NO!

New 3-D fashion from Victor & Rolf. Hmm, no, I think.

No, no way.

Quarterlife Web cam crisis CANCELLED

eldean — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 00:55:34 GMT

Boo hoo, Web cam

We blog to exist. This is the premise (blargh) of NBC's new Web-to-TV series Quarterlife, as pontificated by pale and dreary blogger/protagonist Dylan Kreiger (played by Bitsie Tulloch).

Already, New York Magazine has written upwards of five articles about Quarterlife (from the co-creators of My So-Called Life). Already, NYMag has called Tulloch the next Claire Danes. Too bad for Tulloch, whose character fumbles her own name in front of her Web cam. Dylan is sad, scared, insecure, pensive, and possibly also really dumb, though always attentive to her artful, black hair. Somehow she gets away with posting blogs and videos of her depressed, drunk, and sex-crazed roommates. They are mad at her for less than one episode. It's sort of like the Real World meets The Devil Wears Stripes, for amidst concubinal confrontataions, Dylan is an associate editor at Women's Attitude.

No matter her plethora of nerdy-chic sweaters, sweatshirts, and artfully soiled t-shirts though, Dylan is a mess. She is no Claire Danes as Angela Chase, coming of age in hallways and boiler rooms with the likes of illiterate heartthrob Jordan Catalano.

Meanwhile, Dylan's love interest Jed, Quarterlife's indie car-commercial maker, looks nothing like Jared Leto.

Then

Now

Better than Ze Hills trailer

eldean — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:41:20 GMT

Amazing, heart-breaking, heart-wrenching, Sex and the City Movie Trailer. (Aside from the cheap joke about Miranda's pubic hair.) Poor Miranda! If Steve cheats on her I will die, worse, I die and will never believe in true love between two TV-show characters again. OH, pools of sadness.

Check out my mini ode to Sex-and-the-City designer Patricia Field below...

ScarJo does moko

eldean — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 01:27:26 GMT

Normal.

Yikes! What's that on her arm?

Pics are from London premiere of ScarJo's film "The Other Boleyn Girl". ScarJo's tattoo could be fake. These are real.

Ze Hills pre-view!

eldean — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:44:04 GMT

Zoot alors!

Zis pre-view looks so good! Ze drama! Ze passions! Ze trés big bows on ze back of ze purples coats!

And, ze FREEEENCH men! Trés mignon! (you know, very cute):

FRENCH MAN: "ZO WE ARE IN PARIS!"

LO-REN: "YAY!"

FRENCH MAN: "LO-REN AVE YOU SEEN ZE EIFFEL TOWAIR?"

LO-REN: "NOOOOOO!'

WHITNEY: "LO-REN, BRODY AS ZE NEW GAIRL-FRIEND. AND EET'S ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS!"

LO-REN: "NOOOOOO!"

AUDRINA: "LO-REN, YOU LEFT AND NOW I AM DATING ZE JUST-EEN BOBB-Y, AGAIN! AND ZE EIDI IS MY FRIEND!

LO-REN: "NOOOOOO!"

SPENCER'S SISTER: "LO-REN, I AM IN ZE FASH-YON CLASS WITH YOU!'

LO-REN: "NOOOOOO!"

BRODY: "LO-REN, WHAT IS YOUR PROB-LEM? I AM GOING HOME WITH ANOTHER CALIFORNIA GAIRL, ZIS NIGHT!"

LO-REN: "NOOOOOO! PUTAIN!"

As you can see, ze Lo-ren is trés upset, all ze time! Bravo for ze MTV!

Hollywood power couple time

eldean — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:24:45 GMT

Swoon

The girls look smitten at the Berlin premiere of The Other Boleyn Girl, right before they sort of make out. It doesn't happen until the end of the Today Show clip above, but Johansson almost looks like she is going to topple out of her chair with %100 percent pure love for her petite, co-star Portman.

MUAH, I say, imaginarily throwing my arms up into the air.

Surprise! I am kissing you, ScarJo! Just call us Scarman. Or Snatalie. Or maybe, Pohansson?

Spencer Pratt: "When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds."

webteam — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:05:19 GMT

Heidi Montag admitted she sobbed herself to slumber after her atrocious musical video first debuted on La Internets. But Spencer Pratt's confidence in her talent must provide a wonderful sense of comfort and security. It's always nice to support your significant other in their botched endeavors toward stolen fame. And it really helps when you're the most disingenuous, douchiest douche in the entire universe!

"When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds," her manager-beau boasted. "Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming – they're gonna sell 10-million plus."

Got that, Billboard? 10-million plus! Diamond rings! Screw Britney! Screw Madge!

Now here's something good enough to make your teeth vomit:

"How do we keep romance alive?" Pratt mused to PEOPLE. "Our lives are romantic all day long. With us, it's 24/7, always trying to keep each other happy. [This is] just another weekend to us. Every day is Valentine's Day in our relationship."

Whattaguy! What a fucking guy, eh? Unbelievable.

Lindsay Lohan la nude

eldean — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:27:06 GMT

To be La Lohan…

Psh, I think it would be terrible. What a basket case, what a hooch, what a boooob. It’s really the latter the latest issue of New York Magazine is concerned with: Lindsay Lohan’s breasts. How are you today girls? Just checking in! Hello, breast one! Hello, breast two! It’s a nice day inside this pervy photo shoot, isn’t it?

Maybe, this is art. But considering the subject, I argue it is not. I can name a million and one breasts I’d rather see try to channel Marilyn Monroe than Lindsay's. Lohan has become: simply boring. And these pictures of her are: simply pathetic (even though also sort of fantastic: she does not look too orange, she does not look too thin, her breasts are real). Lohan would really do better posing in Hustler, than in New York Magazine as a dead pop-culture icon known at least, for some artistic oeuvre.

...NSFW photos after the jump, anyway. The photos go nicely with this dirty, little ditty.

27 heads on a dress

eldean — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:09:32 GMT

There aren't quite twenty seven heads here. But hopefully you get the idea. (The hair is not photoshopped.)

Ms. Biel has basically taken my heart and any semblance of a semblance of truest love and smashed it on the red carpet. She also bleached her hair, wtf!!?? So, when or if Justin proposes to her, expect a really wretched picture of her on here (she could be a totally cool, normalish girl) but I secretly hope she really stinks.

Slop Culture

Round Deux: Tila Tequila is still looking for "the one"

Mazel Tov, Ashlee and Pete!

Madonna reborn as a lollipop

The HIlls: Audrina gets naked and looks holy at the same time

High School Confidential

The perfect storm: Britney Spears and Heidi Montag

WTF fashion photo

Quarterlife Web cam crisis ***CANCELLED***

Better than Ze Hills trailer

ScarJo does moko

Ze Hills pre-view!

Hollywood power couple time

Spencer Pratt: "When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds."

Lindsay Lohan la nude

27 heads on a dress

Quarterlife Web cam crisis CANCELLED