Pacific Joke Book

Hitch Hiker

2011-09-12T10:03:00.000+11:00

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by.

The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand repeatedly came through the window but never harmed him. Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible ordeal he had just experienced.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and wasn't drunk. Suddenly two other people walked into the same pub. They, like John, were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John sobbing at the bar, one said to the other:

"Look, Bruce, there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"

School girl climbs coconut

2011-09-07T00:30:00.000+11:00

A 12 year old boy and 10 year old girl were walking back to their village one afternoon after school when they came across a coconut tree. The boy asked the girl to climb the tree while he waited under and instructed her on which fruits to pick.
At home, over dinner the girls mother asked her how her day was like, in school. The girl begun her story from school up to the part where she was coming back home and was asked to climb the coconut tree. Hearing this part, her mother intervened her story, advising her "next time don't you ever climb a coconut tree with the boy standing under the tree. the boy has tricked you to see your underwear", to which the daughter replied instantly, smiling "don't worry mum, he didn't trick me. I didn't wear an underwear.

Packet blo mit

2011-09-06T23:46:00.000+11:00

A mother cooked aibika leaves together with her green pants, which she
forgot to remove from her bilum (bag).

While serving, she puts the pants in daddy's bowl then they started
having dinner, paps tried his very best to tear out the kumu (pants) with his teeth
but was unsuccessful and he asked "Oi wanem kain nau yah?" (what kind of meat is this?)

Now the wife realized her mistake and said "olgeta taim yu save kaikai meat
blo em, nau traim packet blo em" (my goodness, if you can eat the meat inside of it, now try the packet).

PNG local Pilot

2011-09-04T17:17:00.001+11:00

Show me your muscles

2011-09-04T17:05:00.000+11:00

"Games people play" - pacific style

2011-09-04T16:59:00.000+11:00

PNG VERSION OF MR. BEAN - CODE NAME: KANAGE

2011-09-04T16:34:00.002+11:00

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Kanage bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his phone book & said , 'My mobile no. has changed.

Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

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Kanage: I am Proud , coz my son is in MedicalCollege.

Friend: Really , what is he studying?

Kanage: No , he is not studying , they are studying him.

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Kanage: Doctor , in my dreams , I play football every night.

Dr: Take this tablet , you will be ok.

Kanage: Can I take tomorrow , tonight is final game.

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Kanage: If I die , will u remarry?

Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?

Kanage: No , I'll also stay with your sister.

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Kanage complained to the police: 'Sir , all items are missing , except the TV in my house..'

Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'

Kanage: 'I was watching TV news...'

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Kanage comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'

He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

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How do you recognize Kanage in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once Kanage was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.

So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecaster announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Kanage was at a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says 'Hello , how did you know I was here?'

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Kanage: Why are all these people running?

Man - This is a race , the winner will get the cup.

Kanage - If only the winner will get the cup , why others running?

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Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense

Kanage: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

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Kanage told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'

Servant: 'It's already raining..'

Kanage: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

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A man asked Kanage why Sir Michael Somare goes walking in the evening and not in the morning. Kanage replied , "Sir Michael is PM not AM".

PNG Grass Root cartoon

2011-09-04T15:04:00.000+11:00

Toon depicting a PNG lad writing in broken English to PNG PM

This is a letter from a young meri Samarai (Milne Bay - PNG ) writing to her boyfriend working in town

2011-08-29T14:42:00.000+11:00

Oh my Dear Darin,
When you go my heart pain coz I love you so much
Always remember that you got my good thing with you
& I got your good thing with me.
Please you must not do another girl Ooh darin darin,
Yu stap parawei,.........I stap parawei,
You lava me............. I lava yu!
Whatever you do ............. I do!
Where-ever you go ............... I go,
and where-ever you are.... I are!
So plis darin when yu kam don giv me a chance just spear me to death!!

'I beg your pardon' translated incorrectly

2011-08-29T04:48:00.000+11:00

In a local village in Vanuatu a father decided that the fastest way to get his 11 year old son to learn English for his studies in school would be to have him on weekends in their coconut thatched roof artifact stand {shop} and be the point of contact with tourists wanting to buy local artifacts. The father would be standing behind him, nearby in case a tourist uses some high level English terms not familiar with the boy, so he can clarify to him. In one occasion, a tourist wishing to buy a carving asks the young boy, who made the fine carving to which the boy responds with a name. Unsure if she heard it correctly, the tourist responded “I beg your pardon”. The young boy was now lost with this new English phrase, leaned back, signaling to his advisor at the back that he is lost and needed instant help. The father calmly leans forward and whispers to his ears “button up your shirt”.

Big Fingers instead of Big Arm

2011-08-29T04:04:00.000+11:00

A tourist cruise ship called in to one of the Vanuatu remote islands for tourists to enjoy its white sandy beaches. A tourist with muscular biceps covered in tattoo was walking along the beach when one of the local villagers in that area, tried to start a friendly conversation but first wanted to complement the visitor of his muscular big arms, raced up to the male tourist, and patted his huge arms in awe and complimented ‘big fingers’.