• Doctor Who games (see below)
• Audacity (free audio editing software)
• an iPhone, iPad, or other iDevice running iOS 5.0 or later
• iTunes (the one that you sync your iDevice to)

I downloaded Doctor Who: The Gunpowder Plot from the BBC. There are a few other games out there, including The City of the Daleks and The Blood of the Cybermen. I want to give a shout-out to the BBC and to Legacy Interactive Games for the high quality and playable games. These are not blockbusters, but they're solid. I enjoy them with my kids.

I installed the Mac versions of the games. I don't know what Windows users might get. In the Mac version of the game, though, all the audio resources are sitting there in .ogg files. Some of them make great ring-tones and text tones. Here's the process:

1. Find the game on your Mac in the Finder window. For my example, I'm going to use The Adventure Games, because I thought the sounds were better.
2. Right-click or Ctrl-Click on the game icon and select "Show Package Contents". A new window pops up showing you resources inside the game.
3. Navigate to a path like ...Game.app/Contents/Data/Common/Audio. Inside there you'll find lots of different .ogg files. I found several (listed below) are really good for texts. I found that the file ames.app/Contents/Data/Common/Audio/MiniGames/Panel/PANEL_ACCESS.ogg is good. It's less than a second and gets your attention.
4. Open it in Audacity.
5. Choose File → Export
6. Select AAC as your output format. (Note that if you haven't worked with Audacity before, you may have a couple extra steps here before you can export AAC files. It will walk you through what you need to do.)
7. Name the file with .m4r as it's extension. (e.g., PANEL_ACCESS.m4r)
8. Drag and drop into iTunes as normal
9. It should show up in your ringtones. Make sure you're synchronising custom ring tones.
10. Sync your device. Done.
11. Now go into preferences on the device, sounds menu, and then find your file. The file name is important. If you name it PANEL_ACCESS, that's what you'll see. You might want to put spaces and nice capitalisation. E.g., "Panel Access.m4r"

Why do this?

Well, I work with lots and lots of people who all have iPhones. And I live in a major metro area (London) where there are lots and lots of iPhones. Even with 20-odd different tones on the phone, chances are I end up sitting next to someone who has an iPhone and the same text tone as me. When they get a text, I wonder if I got a text. I need to distinguish my texts from everyone else so I know if it's me or them.

Why Doctor Who?

The sound effects they use in the games, for button presses, game winning and game ending and so on, are very short and already simplified for computer-ish sounding stuff. Oh, and they're cool. The ones I like are:

• PANEL_ACCESS.ogg
• HACK_SUCCESS.ogg
• STEALTH_WARNTING.ogg

Of course the sonic screwdriver, TARDIS, and theme music are also available. The three I highlighted are good for something like a text tone.

Give me a real effect, not just the stupid things you can find in your graphics 101 book.

1. The latest Vodafone Mobile Broadband, which can be downloaded for Mac or Windows. I found this from a Vodafone eForum post. When you install it, however, chances are that it will use the wrong APN name.
2. Correct APN settings. Unfortunately, the instructions at this eForum post are wrong. It says use "PP.INTERNET" as your APN. That's wrong. Use PPBUNDLE.INTERNET.

I had to find this page full of APN settings and look up Vodafone UK. But it is also wrong. Only a comment lower down is correct. You need ppbundle.internet as your APN name and "web" for the username and "web" for the password.

Very frustrating.

My Solution

So here is my Excel template for a bank deposit ticket. You will also need to download the MICR font (which is free) and install it.

Features

• You can type in the blanks next to the amounts. I.e., you can enter check numbers (like where I typed "check #1234"
• You can type in the amount of the check in the blanks (e.g., 123.45)
• The "Total Items" field automatically totals up how many items there are. This can be 1, 2, or 3, depending on how many checks are listed.
• The subtotal line calculates automatically.
• The total line calculates automatically based on the subtotal minus the cash received line
• The date is automatically filled in with today's date, but you could easily just override that and type in any date you want.
• It's roughly the same shape and size as the reference ticket I used (from Wells Fargo née Wachovia)

Prepare the Template for First Use

If you make it a custom XLTX (Excel template) with your own values, then you can save yourself a lot of changes each time you use it.

1. Fill in your account holder details. Name, address, city, state, zip (Cells A4, A6, A8, A10)
2. Fill in your bank's name and address. It seems to be sufficient to put the name, city, state, and zip. (Cells B15, B16, B17)
3. Fill in your deposit routing number (Cell A20) and account number (D20). Note that this is very often NOT the same as the routing number at the bottom of your checks. For one possible reason why, see here.
1. Notice that, in the formula bar, you will see the letter A, some numbers, and the letter a. Those two letters create symbols at the start and end of your routing number. Keep them!
2. Notice, also in the formula bar, after the account number (Cell D20) there is the letter c. Keep it!
3. If you don't see the numbers in a strange looking typeface (font), then you haven't installed the MICR font properly. If you see actual letters A, a, and c, you have done it wrong.
4. Make sure ALL the digits and all the symbols are visible.
4. Remove the example data (checks, amounts, etc.).
5. Do File → Save As.. and save it as an Excel Template (xltx). Make sure it's in the My Templates area. Now, when you choose to create a new Excel Spreadsheet (via File → New from Template..) this template will be available each time.

Using It Normally

It's just a normal deposit ticket now. Just fill it out as necessary. You can either use the New from Template feature of Excel, or you can double-click the XLTX file. It will create  a copy (so you're not changing the template permanently). Once you have it open, you just fill in the values.

1. Check the date. If Today is ok, leave it alone.
2. Enter the cash amount (Cell H2)
3. Enter the check numbers or identifiers (cells F4, F6, F8, as necessary)
4. Enter the corresponding amounts for the checks (cells H4, H6, H8 as necessary)
5. Check that the subtotal is calculating correctly
6. Enter any cash you plan to receive
7. Double-check the total
8. File → Print

Done.

Did I Save You Some Time?

You might think about donating a dollar. I spent a few hours tinkering with this to get it right. Folks like Harland want to charge you $5-$7 plus shipping every time you run out for packages of deposit tickets. Unlike checks, which show off style and might be a personal statement, deposit tickets are just between you and the bank. They don't even allow customizing. Why pay for them? I've given you the ability to do it forever, just for the cost of your own ink and paper. Click that "donate" button to send me a buck or two if you think two hours of my time were worth it for you. If not, no big deal.

My son got a "LeapFrog My Own Leaptop". Ignoring, for a moment, the absurdly long and vacuuous title, it needs to be personalized. Off I go to leapfrog.com.

First, I download a 13Mb "installer". As far as I can tell, this program's primary purpose is to take up a chunk of my screen and display ads to me while it downloads the real program.Having just downloaded 13 megabytes, the "installer" now downloads 3 times that much. Want to save 25% of my time and 25% of your bandwidth? Get rid of the stupid advertising installer!

Here's an example ad:

While it is true that in many countries, they write "personalise" instead of "personalize", do you really have to put a slash there and put both words? Do you really think someone who normally writes with a z will not understand when it is written with an s? They don't do it just once, they do it twice: in both the green ad copy and in the little dialog of blue letters coming out of the leaptop on the left. It's one thing if the word were totally different (like the way the British call the storage area in the back of a car the "boot" and Americans call it the "trunk"). But this is the same word. It is silly and stupid. (Nevermind that they've been PAID their money. I do not need additional advertisements).

And some of their "research" is dodgy, too. Here's a not-so-surprising fact: LeapFrog was somehow determined to be the #1 Reading System (it doesn't say whether that's through volumes of sales, dollars of sales, voting by consumers, etc). What it does say in the fine print is that several of the studies used "Reading Toys as defined by LeapFrog" or "Reading System brands as defined by LeapFrog". I suppose there's nothing unusual about coming first in a category you define. I'm sure the studies were completely independent and the gerrymandering of the category had nothing to do with LeapFrog finishing at the top.

After installing, they want me to reboot my computer. I'm sorry, LeapFrog. You are not important enough for that. And this is a Mac anyways. It all works fine without rebooting. If you don't know how to launch your software after it has installed, you have no business writing Mac software. The days of "close all other programs while we install" and "reboot your computer after installing" are long gone. Of course, LeapFrog says to do both.

I will do my best never to run this software again.

In the end, we made two orders: one from Amazon and one from Tesco. We saved a non-trivial amount of money. This is in pounds. So at today's rates, £26.78 is worth about $41.79. Worth the effort we spent.

The only other question is stuff like shipping. Shipping was free in both cases. Amazon was also better on price in the 3D Land game, but they're shipping time on the cheap one was 2-4 weeks, which wouldn't make it for Christmas. So the price I show above is for an Amazon retailer who had it in stock and could ship this week.

The only thing I think awards are useful for is if you understand why they are awarded. What did candidate A have that candidate B did not? The IT Pro awards appear to be a simple popularity contest. That is, random web site visitors had a set of candidates to choose from, and they chose for whatever reason. If the candidates were judged on criteria (e.g., originality, fitness for purpose, reliability, value for money) I would love to see how the winners (and losers) scored. But these awards are meaningless. There's no judging. Just popularity of clicks.What galls me is that Skype is tweeting (both @skype and @skype4biz) about how Skype for iPad was awarded "Business App of the Year" for 2011. The idea that Skype is a business app and that it is an app worthy of praise are both laughable. Unlike the folks over at IT Pro, I have criteria for these things.

What is a Business App?

To be a "business app," it has to integrate with my business. It has to do something—anything—to talk to some other IT system in my business. How does Skype do that? It doesn't. It doesn't have even the tiniest integration into anything other than its own contact list. I can't hook it up to LDAP, ActiveDirectory, or even my contacts at some other service like Hotmail, GMail, Yahoo! or AIM. If it is a standalone app with zero integration into my business, it is not a "business app." Sorry guys. You might call it "the app that is accidentally the most beneficial to business" but that's a different award.

As for it being a good app? You're joking, right? It works. That's the long and short of it. It will connect to other Skype users and you can talk to them. I have had rock solid, full-motion video calls over 3G using my iPad. I loved it. So, there's props for what they do right. Beyond that, it is an unmitigated train wreck of an application. Just look at the user interface.

Abuser Interface

Skype User Interface

I have taken the surnames off the users, but I don't have 5 contacts named Adrian or two contacts named Ajoy. There are 3 different Adrians there and 1 Ajoy, but a couple of the Adrians have more than one phone number. My Skype user interface (version 3.5.454 on an iPad2 running iOS 5.0.1) puts a single gigantic icon on the screen for each phone number. That's right, one icon per number, not one icon per person. With all this screen real estate on an iPad, they choose a layout that only puts 20 contacts on the screen at the same time! (Ironically, Apple's Contacts app only shows 12 at a time! Only 3 more than my iPhone 4) Where is the list of users? Why can't I have name down one column and phone number down the other (so I can see whether I'm dialing their work, home or mobile)? And really, in 2011, do we have the technology to understand that a single person might have more than one phone number!? This app is only a few months old. How did they write something this bad in 2011?

Contacts? We don't need no steenking contacts?

And I can't jump to groups of users by letter (e.g., can't jump to users beginning with A or M or P). I have about 300 users in my phone, which means about 700 icons on my iPad screen. Do you think I'm going to flick through these with gestures? Fat chance. So I can search at the top of the screen. That's helpful, but this UI design is still totally flawed and fundamentally useless. Can I sort by last name instead of first letter? No. Can I display "Lastname, Firstname"? No. App of the year indeed. The contacts list on my Palm Professional in 1998 was better than this.

And Skype contacts aren't shown alongside iPad contacts. They're over in their own separate page. By contrast, the way Apple gets stuff like this right is by hiding stupid details like the difference between a Skype contact and a phone contact. Think of how iMessage transparently works out whether or not it can use the data connection or must use an SMS. Skype should teach me not to care whether I'm reaching my colleague by Skype or by phone. You want to sell more Skype credit, right? Hide the distinction between real phone numbers and skype IDs a little better. Blur the lines. Let there be just one contact for "James Smith" and let it include his Skype, mobile number (for SMS via Skype credit) and other numbers. When I tap on James, ask me how I want to connect. But don't give me 2 unlabeled icons for James in this screen (one for home, one for mobile) and another unlabeled icon for him back on a different page (where his Skype account is).

Only one other feature left: history management

And the history. I can 'edit' my history, but that's a stupid feature. What does it take to delete an item from the history? Two taps no matter what. I can drag left to right to reveal the 'delete' button, and then I can tap delete. Or I can tap the 'edit' button and do two different taps: tap the red delete symbol and then tap 'delete'. But only one at a time. I can't tap a bunch of them and then delete all the ones I marked. So who cares? Why do I have two modes of deleting history items that both operate on items one at a time and both take two taps to delete an item?

This is not iDevice UI design. This is half-baked mimickry of other apps. Think of the bulk delete in the Mail app and you'll see what bulk delete is supposed to look like. Notice that the iMessage feature in iOS has a 'clear all' button and you'll see what Skype is missing in its history management. And what about deleting all history items from contact A while leaving the ones related to contact B?

And configuration options? Preferences? Tweaks to the UI to customise it to my tastes? None.

Conclusion

If I were nominating Skype for iPad as an Anything of the Year, it would be "Worst User Interface I was Willing to Put Up With Because the Features Were Compelling Enough". Or "Feature So Beneficial to Business that I Would Use It Despite It's Awful UI". This app only has a handful of UI features to begin with. And each one is amateurish and clumsy. It makes you wonder if the team members that work on Skype for iPad actually own and use iPads in their daily lives. It's hard to believe that they do.

You can do lots of restricting, in theory, and that's cool. But it's targeted at one specific user group: the kid whose parents control their iPhone / iPad / iPod. You can turn on the restrictions, and they (presumably) are enforced. For example, when I turn on restrictions to prevent any content except content rated '9+' (i.e., aimed at kids as young as 9), a bunch of my apps disappear. Cool. It has a bunch of shortcomings, though, to the point that I don't actually use it.

• You can't toggle the restrictions. That is, if you disable them, it forgets how they were set. To enable them, you have to go through all the different options and set them the way you want them all over again. I want to set up the restrictions, hand the device to my kids, take it back, and undo the restrictions. If I plan to give them the device again, I'll re-enable the restrictions. But that requires me to reset each and every setting all over again.
• You can't restrict individual apps. I can't turn off Mail, for example. I can prevent changes to the account, but I can't disable access to it entirely. You can't create a group of apps and restrict access to them by a name / group / genre, etc.
• The only way to restrict TV shows / Movies (aside from not putting them on the device to begin with) is via a ratings system. However, I put a lot of homemade content on my devices. Some are my (legally owned) ripped DVDs. Others are original movies I've made, but they have content I'd rather not expose my kids to. I can't find a way to tag a movie that I made with a content rating so that iOS will restrict it. (You can do this, according to MacOSXHints, using another app)
• There are some surprising things you can't restrict:
• SMS. Think of all the "text SUCKA to 23422 to donate £2 to goodness-knows-what" billboards around. There's no way to turn it off. With the advent of iMessage (which at the moment doesn't have the chargeable SMS feature), it would be awesome to restrict messaging to only the free iMessages.
• Phone. Again, think premium phone calling, international calling, calls over the plan's allowance, etc. Wouldn't it be great if you knew that the plan had 200 minutes and you could put a 200 minute restriction in the handset itself? Funny nobody has done this yet. With all the parents of teenagers who pay exorbitant bills, you'd think someone would have pushed this through. And then I'd put a list of always-OK numbers (so you can always reach mom & dad).
• Web settings. One good way to stop kids from visiting naughty sites on their phone is the same thing that corporations do: force all web traffic to go via a proxy. There are numerous net nanny services out there that will do that. But if you can't stop someone from changing the web settings, it is trivial to bypass those restrictions.
• Data / Data roaming. This is another chargeable feature. There is no way to limit 3G data usage. E.g., disallow it or put a handset-imposed limit on it. You also can't stop the handset user from switching on data roaming. Here in Europe, you don't have to go far to go from one country to another and suddenly start racking up international data roaming charges. And just ask people who live in New York or other northeastern US states about roaming charges from going to Canada.

Of course some of the things I mentioned can be restricted by calling up your phone carrier. You can disable SMS entirely, you can turn off data roaming, you can put content blocks on the internet connection, and you can disable access to paid / premium phone numbers. However, that's only effective for the same use case as the rest of these restrictions: when you want to turn it on, and pretty much leave it alone most of the time.

If you want to disable some features, hand it to someone else, and then take it back, this doesn't work for you. If you want to have the handset support you in keeping charges down (e.g., phone, text, internet), it won't.

Obviously the RSS feed doesnt include YouTube videos, and a bunch of other parts of the page. But it also doesn't include the ads! Some sites don't have an RSS version, so you don't get it. But where they do have it, it's so much nicer.

There are (at the time of this writing) six different services you can disable. Before you do that, though, scroll down on the System Services screen to the very bottom. There you will find an option for Status Bar Icon which is disabled by default. I enabled it, then I started noticing that my location icon was always on! I started disabling system services until I got to a behaviour that I thought was acceptable.

• Cell Network Search seems like a good use of your location.
• Compass calibration also seems reasonable.
• Diagnostics and Usage smacks of the problem we had a few months ago with Apple reporting all the places we had ever been with our phones. I say 'no, thank you' to that one.
• Location-based iAds. Really? Like there's someone out there saying "please, please, can you send me more effective and targeted advertisements!?" Who really wants that? Another way to look at it is that advertisers are getting some information about you, or even just aggregate information about the movement of people near them.
• I disabled Setting Time Zone. Seems like a reasonable thing to leave running, but what I found was that the Location Services icon was always active if I had that turned on. To me, that (a) is probably running down the battery, and (b) defeats the purpose of having the status bar icon come on and off. If there's a system service that keeps it on all the time, it's not a useful indicator.

So I recommend turning on the status bar indicator and then see how often someone is snooping on your location.