Follow the Brown Rabbit...

For the Maker of FLTI :)

2010-12-30T13:45:00.012+08:00

Before the year ends, I find it fitting to write an entry, despite the fact that I've not written for so long. My old blog posts remind me of my younger years -- more free-spirited with the theme song que cera cera ringing in my ears.

I've been blessed this year with work, friends, family, and love. Good choices and sacrifices truly lead persons to happiness. But happiness as a state in life is not merely the lack of sorrow. Because life is always filled with happy and sorrowful events. It wouldn't be life without the variation of those.

My family and I have lost a very important person this year. We have lost someone physically, yes, as how it is with death, but ultimately we've rekindled new relationships with one another. And now, within all of us, a new spirit thrives.

I begin 2011 with vigor and anticipation. When prayers are more than answered, I marvel at how great He is. His plan is always greater than all our wishes. And I let His plan unfold as I live immersed in a very happy YES. :)

Next year, before Christmas, I will gain a new name. I've often wondered about this phenomenon during my adolescence. The changes will be inevitable, but ironically, the binding will be liberating. And with all the certainty in the world in the greatest choice I've ever made, I am entering 2011 with a very grateful heart. Happy. Ecstatic. In love and choosing love forever. THIS IS IT. :)

Four Seasons for my silent readers

2010-07-07T10:22:00.007+08:00

This post is for all those who visit my blog and feel a bit disappointed to see nothing new. Thank you for letting me know that you drop by and read! :)

Just in case it takes me another year (hopefully not) to write anything, here's a poem written by one of my students last year.

The author is a ten-year-old girl from Australia who transferred to my class mid-year. This is her seatwork in my Language Arts class. Take note that each one of her stanzas stands for a season, which I think is simply brilliant. :) Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

Nature
By Dani Stephenson

The sun is shining in May
I feel so free because I stay
If I touch the sun I’ll grow
And when I do everything will flow

When the leaves fall down in the rain
They turn red and seem to sway
I watch as they fall to the ground
Then they stop there and make a mound

The snow is falling on my face
As it falls down my finger starts to trace
I see a light on top of me
It is the sun I can see

Everything is starting to grow
But because winter ended there’s still some snow
I see a flower and I glance
Then I start to be in a trance

Home is Where the Heart Is

2010-04-12T04:49:00.002+08:00

The feeling of home can be found anywhere and everywhere, in little corners of the world. As long as you're with those you love, wherever you may be, you're home. :)

Welcome home, our darling Kris :)

Happy Birthday, beautiful Katie :)

And sometimes home is the perfect combination of persons and places.

PINO Resto's New Home - 35 Malingap Street, U.P. Village QC

Senju

:)

LIFE

2010-03-15T18:35:00.007+08:00

When there's no time to write, it's better to take snapshots. This is what I've been up to for the past how many unblogged months of my life.

Poi silhouettes in Boracay

Adding sweets and spice to Wu Zhao's contemporary artwork at the Singapore Art Museum

Finding BREAD PITT

Pointing back home

My version of a coconut tree inside my classroom

With Ms. Universe, Gloria Diaz, in Ateneo's 150th Homecoming Night

The happiest feet in Bohol

The tower of the Tagbilaran Cathedral

As a guest speaker for the 4th grade girls of my grade school and high school alma mater

Celebrating my good friends' birthdays in a Waldorf preschool in Quezon

A bake sale in school for the Haiti earthquake victims

Spending time with old and new friends

A corner discovered

THE ART OF KEEPING STILL

2009-10-19T04:33:00.002+08:00

It is a lost art in this fast-paced world but just like anything lost, it can be found. :)

After working very hard for something we badly want, we also need to learn to just wait. Things cannot always be given now. Some things are meant for later. And if in case things don't go the way we want them, we learn that we can't have everything we want. Sometimes we can't have some things yet. Sometimes we can't have them ever. It takes time to find out which is which. Not knowing the answer is a humbling experience.

We all have our own questions in life and we often search for answers outwardly. For some reason as human beings, we have the tendency to wander off to far and unknown places to gain new experiences with the assumption that answers could be found there. Then, after experiencing everything there is to experience, we declare when enough is enough. In the end, we realize that answers actually come from within us and answers come to us when we keep still.

This, however, must not be misconstrued as ignoring the importance of experience. There's a good point in having to go through experience. New experiences validate and strengthen our core values and beliefs. And they help form new values, new beliefs, giving us -- in a word -- learning. At times, as sad as it may be, it takes a certain form of absence and breaking away to find answers that have always been there. These answers were perhaps once taken for granted, ignored, or blinded by emotions. And it takes time for us to discover all these. And this is why the wise ones do not decide in a rush nor do they decide in the middle of heightened emotions. Rather, they give time time.

Time is constantly on the move, which ironically makes keeping still the key to perfect timing. After everything has been said and done, there comes a point wherein nothing else is left in our finite power. At that point, keeping still is one of the most beautiful and liberating decisions. It is allowing a Greater Hand to let things flow into where they should be.

If in case things do go the way we want them to, then we must have done our part well. More importantly, when this happens, we need to continuously appreciate what we have received.

Right now, I am waiting and I am humbled. It feels like correcting my own mistakes from being too hasty and hoping that all these would be enough. The real art of keeping still is about letting go of worries. It is about believing in the purpose of events in our lives. Yes, everything happens for a reason.

Since I’ve been waiting, I've learned to appreciate every little gesture of kindness. I've learned to appreciate the basic essentials in life. I’ve learned about personal priorities. I've learned about choices and decisions that are made not out of whim but out of discernment. I've witnessed goodness and small acts of miracles. And all these make me hopeful and faithful as I keep still.

Speechless

2009-07-08T11:57:00.012+08:00

His movements defied gravity. His music moved people. His lyrics stirred spirits. And at one point or another, he left us at a loss for words.

While it is true that I barely knew the real him, he has been a big part of my growing up years. I only realized this a few days after his death, when his songs awoken memories sleeping inside me. His old records, cassette tapes, and videos had their corresponding tugs at my heart.

We've seen the Icon through the years. The black shoes with white socks, tailored fit pants, that sequined glove, a little shape-shifting nose, and his fading from black to white were all under the spotlight for decades. If we look beyond all these, we would see a human being deeper and greater than the physical strangeness.

We've heard the Humanitarian embedded in melody. His lyrics asked us to move, to change, to begin with ourselves, and to heal. In between those distinct high cries of ooow and shamone, he asked us to stop wars and fend for ourselves. If we listen very well, we would hear him calling us to live with love, passion, and compassion with one another.

We've enjoyed the Entertainer who has always been one beyond his years. When men wrote songs of hurt, he sang them as a child. When music videos came out, his were like short films. When man first walked on the moon, he moonwalked on earth. When nobody flew in concerts, he flew over his audience and went back on stage. He gave us everything we wanted to see and entertained us with all he had.

He shared with us his incredible talent and taught us the most important thing we need to know in this lifetime. To LOVE and to GIVE unconditionally. And now that he's no longer physically with us, his songs and memories are kept eternal. He lives on forever. He will always be the King of Pop, the greatest entertainer.

While watching his memorial last night, I was touched by all the beautiful words and music dedicated to him. I felt like I knew parts of him from the stories of those who were close to him -- his family and friends. But it was when his daughter, Paris, spoke that I found myself in tears. Her quivering voice said it all in "...I love him so much."

Instead of posting his famous videos and photos here, I'd like to share some of his words from a song that isn't as popular as the rest but I find most fitting at this time. A good friend of mine told me this was about God's love, of which I agree. I guess the extraordinary man who made us all speechless with his talents and compassion was also that -- a man.

And the Greatest Love there ever is made him speechless like us.

Speechless by Michael Jackson

THANK YOU, MJJ.
Michael Joseph Jackson (1958-2009)

In between Cups of Coffee and Tea

2009-06-27T15:08:00.008+08:00

I've been spending days in a particular coffee shop to finish work that I need to do. Luckily, I am surrounded by people who are working on their own goals, making this whole ordeal easier than it actually is. The baristas already know us by our names and we know them by theirs. It has turned into a sort of home.

In between my work and the failed attempts to keep myself off the internet, I find myself looking around me. I've memorized some of the posters and the artworks that envelope us. More than that, I've built relationships with these new friends who will soon become doctors and lawyers. We do share stories in between studying and working but more often than not, it's a quiet kind of camaraderie as every single one of us wants to hit a particular goal. Even if I sometimes feel all alone here, their mere presence calms me.

Yesterday, I spent time alone in a whole new area where I saw new sets of people. Some had their business meetings while others were spending time with family. But I remember two girls sitting right next to me, sharing stories in hushed voices while sipping their tea. I liked it.

It's good to just sit and talk with someone. I miss that the most. I know I'll go back to that kind of life soon. As of now, this is what I have -- quiet people buried in thick books or typing away on their laptops as screens glow on their serious faces. I'm one of them now.

It's just me, my laptop, my orange highlighter, and copies of my interviews with 45 women. They're all I have right now. And I'm making the most out of what I have.

"When you realize there's nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Lao Tzu

Soul Mix - Move Your Soul

2009-06-06T16:44:00.003+08:00

SOUL MIX is a one-hour show featuring inspiring music and issues relevant to the youth of today. Alternating hosts are Rizza Diaz, Lala Jara, PJ Lanot, and Mikee Lee. Catch Soul Mix every Saturday at 8am on TV 5. :)

Tick, Tock. Sweet 26 will Rock

2009-04-19T21:02:00.007+08:00

Tomorrow means a lot to me.

It's bidding farewell to my 25th year which has been the most colorful year of my life by far. It had hues seemingly darker than black and colors of the most vivid rainbows put together. In the rush of things, I caught a sliding door to ride a train and it has been one fast roller coaster ride since then.

While work and visions of my career may be falling into place, a major change has occurred in my life and the very observant ones were able to take note of it. I have not written about it because I decided to take in the pleasure of privacy, enjoying my right to keep certain things to myself. I have not spoken much of it either because of the same reason that I want it quiet and peaceful just as how it was when it happened. Since the start of the year, there have been good days and there have been bad ones. But it's a choice already made and everything else just follows. I take in both the good and bad because that is what life is about. Having said that, the rest of the world has been generally good and wonderful, of which I am very much thankful for.

On a lighter note, I find it funny how people annually ask me about my age a few days before my birthday, as if I have this birthday radar flashing before me. Knowing me, maybe I do have that twinkling excitement in my eyes whenever my birthday is about to come up. Let's blame it on my fantastic family and friends who have pampered me with surprises since adolescence.

Last week, it was an adorable Grade 2 student who approached me in the middle of Spanish class. I sensed her presence as she stood beside me to whisper:
"How old are you, Ms. Lala?"
I whispered back, "Today I'm 25. Next week, I'll be 26."
Her beautiful eyes opened wide, "It's your birthday next week?"
I laughed and said, "Yes."
She replied with even more glee, "Happy birthday! Are you excited to be 26?"

"Are you excited to be 26?" was a question that I never really expected from a seven-year old. It was a very pleasant surprise. I answered her with all honesty, absorbing her excitement and mixing it with mine, "Oh yes, I am!"

And to myself, I say it again. Yes, I am.

If I were to write about this in the way one of my favorite authors would, I'd say:

Tick, Tock. Tick, Tock.
There goes the alarm clock.
It's time to rock in my own sweet way.
As tomorrow becomes today.

And if I have any birthday wish, it's just to receive heartfelt written words. Make me laugh or make me cry as long as you move me with sincerity. :)

Planet Zips on Inquirer.net

2009-03-18T22:54:00.007+08:00

Lawrence Casiraya of Inquirer.net interviewed members of Planet Zips Philippines: Regie Tongol, Doran Sordo, Lala Jara, Jamie Jarabejo, & Ramir Recinto

Fire Performance by Planet Zips Team at Bel Air 3!

At the start of the video is Desiree Uy's HOT fire performance whose birthday happens to be TODAY! :)

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Kate: Not Single and More Fabulous

2009-03-16T15:24:00.003+08:00

There are particular individuals in high school who simply stand out from the batch because while most are in awkward transition from girlhood to womanhood, they effortlessly glide through it all. They're just cool like that.

One of them is a dear friend named Kate.

She not only has that X-factor but she has it with an extra UMPH. Others may attribute her incredible hotness of being to her flair for fashion but she simply is hot even when she's wearing a shirt, a pair of jogging pants, and rubber shoes. With that, I think that if you got it, you got it.

But more than all these first impressions, she's a much deeper person who makes life lighter for many. She listens intently and understands completely. Her positive vibes draw people toward her. She also has the ability to adapt to any situation. Whether she finds herself in a very important occasion or just hanging out in a laid back place, she holds herself well.

And then once you think you already know her at first glance, you'd get surprised if not shocked at how funny she can be, which seems to be one of the trademarks of the women she hangs out with. Hers is a kind of humor that's unexpected.

All by herself, she has her very own Katie antics. Once those eyes begin to twinkle, unpredictable mischief looms around the corner and others are no longer sure what to expect a second after.

It's like watching a Queen sit on her throne, then suddenly jump up and say a joke out loud to the court, and sit on her throne again as if nothing happened. She's regal with a hint of play. And if poise could be likened to a baton, Kate would be the master baton twirler. She would hold it in her hands, tip it a bit with a little tease, throw it in the air, then catch it and take a bow.

If she believes in something, she works hard for it and gives it ample time. This includes her love, family, friends, career, and her crowning glory -- her hairstyle. If there's anything that is expected to constantly change in her life, it would be this last aspect. And because of her, I could attest that a beautiful woman remains as such whether her hair is short, long, with bangs, without bangs, layered, straight, curly, semi-curly, and the list goes on.

As a friend, what makes her even more endearing is her ability to listen to woes without prying. Rather, she allows you to share only as much as you'd want. But then you end up sharing more anyway because you'd feel her strong empathy and open-mindedness about life. She has her own takes on particular matters but allows you to be who you are.

Now that we're already young adults, with most of us living through the so-called crisis of quarter life, she has once again already gone past through all that. In fact, she has answered one of the major questions women of our age usually think about.

She took the jump to the ultimate commitment of forever, which may be sad news for other men but the best news for her and the man of her life.

And that's Kate. She may not be posted on a billboard (just yet) but she walks, breathes, and reminds us that being married is as fabulous as being single. :)

Adapendability

2009-02-23T19:17:00.013+08:00

If there is that single person you would want to drive you home safely when you've had a long night out and all you can possibly do is crawl to your bed, you'd want that person to be her. Yes, that particular designated driver happens to be a she.

She's known as Ada to her family and friends, which would be the root word of the new term I coined for her: Adapendability. Simply put, she's the person you can depend on for so many things. Driving you home safely is just one of them.

If you feel down and just need to get out of a rut, she’d do the following for you: pick you up from your house, drive you to wherever time will permit, and just let you be. She'd let you talk, cry, or be silent if you want to. But if she can’t be there in person, she’d give you a call to make sure you're A-ok.

She's the youngest among her girlfriends in terms of biological age but she's not the type who needs any babying. In the contrary, she's the one who makes sure everybody's all right. It's amazing how she's genuinely happy when others around her are happy. If everyone could learn to be happy like that then we’d fill the world with happiness instead of keeping on pursuing it.

As the eldest of four kids in her family, she is the epitome of the Filipino concept of "Ate". She enjoys hanging out or just hanging in their home with all her cute little siblings. She runs errands with or for them without any complaints. I should actually take note that "these cute little siblings" of hers are all starting to grow bigger and taller by the minute and they're no longer the little kids that they used to be.

It has been said many times that time flies fast because it really does. I’ve actually met her when we were little kids ourselves, playing patintero and touch-ball during lunch break in grade school. And I've seen her bloom in college and at the big world of work. A person who stands and lives by her principles, her continuous blooming is a certainty.

While many of her girlfriends eventually mastered the art of talking seventy thousand words per minute, she has mastered listening and absorbing stories of the same speed. She remains to speak in her own manner when it's her turn to talk -- calmly, chronologically, and thoughtfully. Her belief is that if nobody kept quiet to listen, we’d all end up not understanding one another. She's a listener as much as she is a giver.

She may come off a little shy for some but that’s just apparent in the beginning of friendship. I could attest that she is highly expressive of herself and her feelings when it comes to her close friends and family. Or when a bit of alcohol enters the equation.

Currently, she balances her time with corporate work, MBA studies, family, friends, and her own businesses on the side. Whether that list grows longer soon or not, she remains to be happy little miss Adapendent.

From her, I witnessed how a dreamer can still be very pragmatic. She fulfills her dreams by setting a big goal and targeting smaller goals along the road. And sometimes she literally targets things seen on the road and hits that bull's eye at a young age.

Being the private person that she is, you’d have to break into her shell to see the beautiful soul within. I’ve been doing it for the past years and just like any other shell, I’ve seen how breaking it makes my friend even more real and endearing.

Sarah Amelyn and Her Beautiful World

2009-02-16T10:30:00.014+08:00

I am blessed to have a dear friend whom I first met in 4th grade and have kept through high school, college, and beyond. If there's a single line that I could use to describe her, it would be this: The Woman with the Purest Soul.

She is dedicated to her passions. She lives up to them in a weekly manner by spending time with children in various communities. She loves deeply. She loves her family, her friends, her country, humanity, and the man of her silent dreams. For those who have just heard of the term silent dreams, they work just like silent television shows where you simply watch and understand everything. No questions asked.

Sincerity is part of her charm. Upon arriving in a party, she once candidly said to one of our friends, “You have the same dress as Lala!” and it didn’t sound a bit mean. And even if the dress actually belonged to me, the entire ordeal came out as hilarious primarily because the comment came from her. You should meet her to feel that particular vibe. She's funny without trying.

If you find yourself in a large but comfortable group with her, she can figuratively kill you with her semi-harmful jokes and out-of-this-world comments. And this mannerism of hers sometimes merits a famous response: “That’s not very nice.” She would laugh that off and make even more jokes. She does not stop when she’s on a roll so her friends prepare themselves from falling off their seats or gagging from laughter.

This does not remove the fact however that when you get to talk to her on a more personal level, she will listen to you without judgment and make you recognize for yourself what it was that you needed to discover in the first place. If you get to talk to her in a one-on-one conversation, you are bound to feel light and positive about yourself and about the world.

She has clearly delineated ignorance from innocence – that you need not have the former to be innocent. From her, I witnessed how a person can be exposed to the multiplicity of reality and still remain intact with her core. That is why she’s the purest.

And also because she’s the purest soul I know, it does not make sense that vanity is the devil’s favorite sin. I think that the devil’s favorite sin ought to be greed, of which she does not possess a single drop in her blood. She gives everything she can give – her time, her thoughts, and all her efforts if there is a need for all those.

She loves photos as much as she loves flowers, strawberries, and looking at gorgeous legs of women. Yes, of women. It’s a pastime that I think is much better than making fun of other people.

She loves beautiful places and faces. At most, she loves gazing at them. Again, there are times that she would verbalize her admiration for faces of women. I would like to point out however that she does not have any inkling or desire to be with a woman other than shop, talk, dine, or go to the beach with her.

If there is a reason big enough to move her, she writes about her reflections and sends them to people whose reaction is nothing less than awe and gratefulness. She gets published when she wants to and touches more lives in that way. But more than that, she touches lives of those immediate to her. The people she has worked with, has lived with, and has grown with can all attest to this.

Since I cannot write everything about her, I will just let her be. And that’s the entire point of her beauty and purity. She simply is.

Resolution

2009-01-20T10:04:00.009+08:00

After spending an entire day in Tagaytay yesterday, I feel more resolved that where I am now is where I have to be. There is something about the vast green lands that lead me back to the essentials. During high school when things were simpler, I realized I could write after spending a day gazing at the young foliage of the same terrain. Years after, having been exposed to older landscapes and returning to the same spot where I discovered the role of writing in my life, I realized I had to live my life to be a better writer.

To be better at this, I have to go out to the real world and not be too sheltered as I am now. I have to combine my imagination with experience without letting the world know where the other one ended and where the other one began. As for the things that I cannot do as they veer away from my morals, I would have to listen and understand how it is when others choose differently. But most of all, I have to write not solely for myself but for the possible readers.

I know a lot of people who are emotionally down lately. Some find strength in prayer. Others in believing that everything happens for a reason. I do those too. We do these because we can't understand completely and we can't explain why. And believing that a greater force is in control of something bigger than us somehow guards us from slight insanity when over-analysis lures us to it. Simply put, we try not to think too much and just let go. Breathe. Live.

Aside from the ones I mentioned above and the support of my loved ones, I get strength from this:

...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
-Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet

Have a different and wonderful week ahead, everyone. :)

A beautiful and wild world awaits us

2009-01-15T16:04:00.014+08:00

Look outside.

Open both eyes.

Get out from that cage.

Be free in the wild.

Share with others.

Give a helping hand.

Keep your feet on the nearest ground.

Learn to trust the ropes of life.

Free your other hand when you can.

Live a full and happy life because we're only young once.

Yacht Club
Zoobic Safari
Treetop Adventure
Subic, Zambales

Botolan, Zambales (last photo)

Photos by Nikki Jara

In between

2009-01-14T11:55:00.011+08:00

There's a new year and a new road ahead of us.

We make choices. We turn. We bend. We sometimes opt to follow the path less taken, hoping that it would lead us to where we really should be. And that HOPE is the only thing that keeps us going.

Last day of 2008. Coming home from Subic.

Have a beautiful and meaningful 2009. :)

Gratefully Moved

2008-12-13T10:13:00.016+08:00

Last Thursday, December 11, 2008, I had the privilege to conduct a seminar-workshop on Personality Development for the Grade 4 students of my alma mater, St. Theresa’s College, QC. When I first accepted the post of leading them into a journey of Personality Development, I instantly thought of the points that I wanted to share with them. Primarily, I came out with a foundation of the self and as you could guess, a focus on positive-self concept. Eventually the content of the seminar bloomed into something bigger than what I originally planned and ended with an important note on Humility.

The students asked me wonderful and challenging questions during open forum that made me reflect on what I’ve been doing for the past 25 years of my life. Being 15 years older than they were, I could see their awe and enthusiasm about the things I’ve accomplished so far, which I have mostly taken for granted. And for whatever confusion or sadness that I have been feeling recently, I just felt all of them vanish because life after all has to be lived with awe, wonder, and enthusiasm despite not having all the answers at a particular point in time.

I like absorbing the wonder that children naturally possess. Maybe that’s why I choose to be constantly surrounded by them even after semi-retirement from preschool teaching. Whether they’re toddlers, in middle childhood, or in adolescence, I always learn something new and refreshing from younger people.

Sometimes they lead me back to myself, both my present and my past self. When I was ten years old, just like them, I was just beginning to bloom and was letting go of my very timid and shy self.

And this was why I was impressed with the Grade 4 students who answered some of my questions in front of the entire batch or those who posed some questions for me during open forum. Honestly, at that age, I was not the type who would talk in front of a large crowd because I was scared of committing a mistake. Back then, my teachers would notice me because of my written works but not because of recitation. When I began to feel encouraged by teachers, family, and friends, (mind you, I was still afraid of committing a mistake at the back of my head then), that was when I began to excel.

Slowly, I let go of my timidity. Leadership training for class officers and being surrounded by my grade school friends who until now are my really good friends helped me as well. But of course there were moments when I still felt shy and timid inside. I just had to overcome it every time there was a need to face crowds or to speak in front of a large sum of people.

Fifteen years later, there I was, standing in front of eager faces, new teachers, and even my very own grade school Art teacher, and sharing to them a subject matter that is very important to the development of ten-year-old girls. Right then and there, I was reminded how I developed into who I am now. It was in a way a form of fulfillment for the motto instilled in us as Theresians, “Let your light shine and be a blessing.”

At that point in time, the multiplicity of things that I’ve been doing for the past years, finally integrated into a unifying whole. And these children made me realize that I am doing something great in this lifetime. If at least one child remembered some of the points I taught that day, then I would be content. My goal was simple: To catalyze something and to move someone by tapping into her inner core and letting the real her come out and bloom.

After the seminar-workshop, it was I who felt nourished. How true it is that after sharing, more things come back to the person who shared. As the Grade 4 Guidance Counselor, Mrs. Cesca Amurao-Tolentino, did tell me prior to that day, the blessing would return ten-fold. I think that what I felt afterward was more than ten-fold of a blessing. I felt it was 352-fold as presumably 352 students participated and each one of them who listened intently and participated gave me a new sense of fulfillment.

My ability to answer a series of difficult questions was put to the test. I think what made some of the questions difficult for me was because they were the kind of questions I didn’t really thought about much but should have been obvious to me. But since I haven't really thought of these things, I had to dig my mind for answers. In the end, I opted to simply stick to the most honest answers I could give at that point.

Basically, I was stumped by "what is your biggest achievement?", which I apologized for and asked if I could just cite the most recent achievement or the one I remember the most. Fortunately, the student who asked me that question was flexible and she allowed me to elaborate on an achievement that I remembered easily as I have not really thought about the "greatest". (Or maybe I don't really rate achievements into levels.) I told her it was when I witnessed my students from last year transform from learning the alphabet into learning how to read books. It was a simple achievement but I am certain that it would lead to greater things for these children.

And then there was the question of what was the biggest challenge that I had to overcome. I candidly said that her question was a challenge for me in itself but I did seriously answer her that I am facing the biggest challenge at present time and still overcoming it, which referred to my thesis and all other personal issues at this age that sort of stall me to reach that goal. I elaborated on it by citing their “book report” as an example so they would grasp what I was talking about with my thesis and it seemed to have worked. (A thesis requires a person to read a whole lot of books instead of just one and to make a much thicker report. Plus adding that when you grow older, you face other circumstances that distract you as well in finishing the goal.) And then there were probably 10-15 other questions, which were easier to answer for me, but still tested my mental faculties. It was challenging to make impromptu answers that were both honest and sufficient but hopefully I was able to give them those.

At the end of my seminar, I shared with them my favorite quote that came from my Physics teacher in high school, Miss Zeng Lebron. It was something she wrote at the back of my senior high school class picture. I deem it applicable to all individuals because we are all given a kind of beauty and intelligence unique to ourselves. She wrote, “You are blessed with beauty, intelligence, and humility. Among the three, humility will bring you success.”

As I reiterated on humility that afternoon, I felt reminded of it myself. And when the principal, Mrs. Gloria Cruz, began to talk, I found myself listening again like a young student who was also learning something new. I was truly humbled by the entire experience.

It’s true however, that I felt overwhelmed and physically exhausted after the workshop. As soon as I reached home, I fell asleep for two hours. Upon waking up, I felt not just physically recharged but also much in tuned with whom I became, excited for who I can still become, and accepting of who I am now.

Whether I moved the students or not is something I would not be so certain of. But what I know for a fact is they all moved me. And that is something I will always be grateful for.

hasta luego

2008-11-20T10:52:00.008+08:00

I've been doing a lot of reading and writing lately. And a whole lot more of thinking in between. I don't think I would be able to post in my blog as much as before. And I'm not so sure of anything at the moment.

So to those who do drop by every now and then just to check on what has been happening to my life, thank you so much. And I'm sorry I won't be able to post anything just yet. I know a lot of people who silently read my blog and then eventually approach me knowing many details because of it. And I'm really thankful for you guys who really read, whether you're silent or not. :) I've made additional friends because of this site. It just confirms that the world is bigger than it seems. So many things to learn and enjoy.

I'm back to writing in my notebooks with my handwritten thoughts and notes. I'm not so sure when I'd be back pouring my stories online. For now, just think that I'm on a long break.

For the meantime, find a minute to watch this ad that Mikko and I participated in. If television shows have their commercial breaks in between, we have it here too. Only it's much longer than 60 seconds.

Hasta Luego!

Enchanting

2008-11-13T13:05:00.008+08:00

I spent hours conversing with various friends the past weeks. Some were one-on-one sessions. Others were group discussions. Some were filled with reminiscing the good old days. Others were filled with understanding what's currently happening in our lives. Each conversation was special. But others still stood out from the rest. I think it was the most honest ones that did just that.

Right now, I'm struck, stunned, and sealed. And that's all I'm writing. I'm done with over analysis. It tends to spoil things. A really good friend keeps on reminding me that I should accept things for what they are.

So I'm just letting this line from a book I'm reading summarize everything.

"Let the world and all its creations unfold while you remain constant with the invisibleness that allows it all to take place. Allow whatever you feel deep within you in that quiet and peaceful space to guide you in the direction that is your true destiny." -Dr. Wayne Dyer in Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao.

And for now, let me pose some photos from another fun Soulmix shoot. We had it during Halloween at Enchanted Kingdom. These episodes will air in December :)

Michael Cardoz with EK Princess and the EK Wizard

Rev Bro Ody with Mikee by the Jungle Log Jam

Concentrating on my script

Soulmix Christmas Special. Take 1. Action!

Camera (firing) Squad

Brother Ody speaks. Lala listens.

Happy on the set!

In front of the Space shuttle

Jumping with Rizza

View from the Wheel of Fate

Watch Soulmix every Saturday 6:00-7:00am on TV5!

Extra special thanks to Nailcraft62!!!
2nd floor Torre Venezia Building, Timog Avenue, QC.
:)

President Barack Obama

2008-11-05T15:15:00.009+08:00

I've been watching debates of Obama and McCain on YouTube, reading the Inquirer for updates, and basically surfing the internet for US Election news whenever I wanted to think of something else for the past days.

In the process, I found a twisted video made by a McCain supporter that tried to connect "this" and "that" to come up with a tainted image of Obama. It didn't work. And maybe it's because we're all used to that. There are individuals who create and spur news just to promote another person. Those things don't work especially when people are fed up with particular systems and know for a fact what they need.

Obviously, I'm all for Obama. Although I did not vote for him because of the sole reason that I cannot do so (I am a Filipino living in the Philippines), a lot of people shared the same sentiments I kept. :)

With 349 electoral votes, Barack Obama is the new president of the United States. A lot of people are celebrating all over the world as I write this. It is, after all, world history to sweep off the elections the way he did and to be the first "Black in the White House". This says a lot about the people and the voters of America. I guess it's true that people in crisis tend to think of what is necessary.

From the little islands of the Philippines, people have been used to crisis for so many years but we too are awaiting the changes that this new presidency would bring. I wonder if we would also find someone to symbolize hope and catalyze change when it's our turn to vote this coming 2010.

Noli Me Tangere

2008-11-05T12:35:00.022+08:00

Every Sunday afternoon of my childhood until two Sundays ago, he visited us at home. As they say, Sundays are family days and he has been part of our regular Sunday afternoons.

It was last night during the wake that it completely dawned on me. We were his family. To all the wakes I’ve been to, I’ve sent my condolences to the grieving family. There was a different feeling last night as I was in the receiving end, hearing condolences from a few others.

I realized that I vaguely understood this thing they called "letting go" before. But now, I think I do. As my mom said, we'd be making this a happy farewell for him. So we should do what he would have wanted us to do. If there was anyone who would take this the hardest in my immediate family, I thought it would be my dad who lost a brother. But he remained strong in accepting the inevitable. My dad told me and my youngest sister last night, "Death unifies and bonds families."

I agree.

I've been experiencing different things and different emotions for the past four days -- processing separation, loss of a beloved, fatigue, fear, anxiety, and being sleepy during the wrong hours of the day. And then there's the want to feel light, to give help, and that incessant call of empathy for others who have more difficult experiences in life than I have.

Writing, I think, has been therapeutic for me. I know people who do just that. Write for self-therapy. I'm one of those people.

I cried last Saturday when I talked to my mom and sisters about the reality of the situation. I cried last Monday when I told Franco about it. I cried yesterday early morning when my mom told me the news of Tito's passing. I cried last night when I saw another cousin and my sister cry. I cried today trying to write. What can I say? I cry as easily as I laugh.

I write to let go. And I let go by remembering very well.

Everyone in our family has his/her own story to tell about Tito Noli. Stories of his childhood, stories of being a brother, stories of being an uncle, and basically stories of how he has been a part of our lives. Each story would be different and each one would be special.

He has given us a whole new meaning for the famous title, Noli Me Tangere. When roughly translated in English, it says "Touch Me Not". Tito Noli can no longer be touched but he can definitely be remembered.

As one of his many nieces, my memory of him would be those many Sunday visits with a "pasalubong" in tow and his words of sheer delight when saying, "Ang laki laki mo na. Dati ganito ka pa lang," gesturing at my preschool-age height. Take note, he would look sincerely amazed at how big we've all grown despite the fact that we see each other weekly.

Tito Noli was the kind of Tito who remembered little details that were important to your life and supported in whatever way he could. He waited for your answer after he’d ask, “kumusta na?” I remember all those about him plus the topics of Psychology he shared with me whenever he’d see me buried in my books. Life for him was simple and I admire him for that.

Looking back, it was the act of giving little gifts to others that was his joy. Without fail, when he was still able, he would bring us a pack of hopia, a box of custard cake, crabs from Pangasinan, or my sisters' favorite carioca during his weekly visits. Or when I was much younger, he would hand me coins just because he wanted to give and of course I’d be delighted to have them. Five or P10 was already a big deal then. As a person, he too had his own strangeness that not all would have accepted if they knew. And to those who have been with him everyday of his life, I admire their strength and compassion. As his family, we all love him just the same.

As we bid farewell to him, I’m sure he would want us to live our lives to the fullest, to the very brim, and be happy with whoever we become. He probably did just that in the best way he knew how during his lifetime. And if we ever get to face uncertainties or challenges along the way, we could live by the two very simple words that Tito Noli left us. They were his favorite words during those many happy moments and even to the most painful days of his life until his very last peaceful breath - "I'm okay.”

Written in the memory of
Gilberto "Noli" Diaz Jara
February 4, 1945 - November 4, 2008

Fish Out of Water

2008-10-25T12:17:00.029+08:00

There was a time in my life when I was able to ramp for a fashion show with my height. It was during the late 1990s for an Ateneo High School event which included a fashion show. The male models were all Ateneans and the female models were from exclusive-for-girls schools. We donned clothes from Tokyo Fashion, 26Red, and Gozum. They're those stores you find in Robinson's Galleria or Megamall at that time.

Then there was another one back in college when I was asked to model for a large convention together with other college students.

Whatever walking skills I garnered from those ramp experiences were simply stored in my muscle memory that hibernated in my body. I never really thought they had to be awakened again.

A little more than two weeks ago, I received a call from a good college friend, with whom I had a shoot with before. She asked what I planned to do on October 23. I said I didn't have any plans yet. And from there, she explained that an Avant Garde fashion designer, Estien Quijano, with whom we had a shoot with months ago and whom we call Dave, wanted to have me as one of his models for Philippine Fashion Week.

Okay, pause.

Philippine Fashion Week? Yes, Philippine Fashion Week.

Wow.

Being invited to ramp for such a big and serious event in fashion felt surreal to me. I had to sit down and absorb the news slowly. I think it started to sink in when I talked to Dave and when he said he would love me to model for him. He also encouraged me to invite my friends to watch. And so two days later, I had my measurements taken at his place. And that's when it began to sink in really well. I was about to do ramp for Philippine Fashion Week and I was not in my most tiptop condition.

I was actually wishing I had a few months to prepare for it. But then I only had a a couple of weeks. Healthy food and exercise simply entered the picture for me. I said no to junk food, chocolates, and those fried foods that were part of my daily diet. Instead, I had oatmeal for breakfast, had more fruits and vegetables in my meals, and found time to exercise. In a way, it was a healthy crash diet.

I don't know whether it's the power of suggestion but people kept saying I looked better. For me, I really didn't see much difference although I felt more energetic and I found it easier to move around. Is that actually possible for just two weeks?

But anyway, despite my efforts to be healthy and feel good about myself, reality of modeling entered the picture when we were told that Runway Productions wanted to limit the models. After the first fitting, it would be decided whether they'd let the additional designer's choice models to ramp or not.

I met the really real models of the solo gala show during that first fitting. I describe them as "really real" because it is their line of work. It is what they do. I'm more of the real-person-turned-ramp-model-again-for-a-night. The really real models were young (as young as 18 or 19), gorgeous in whatever clothes they wore, stood tall with their incredibly long legs, and looked either thin or very proportional. I sat there with the most beautiful female bodies I've ever seen in a single area. I sat quietly, not knowing anyone, except for a girl who asked me for the time. She was 18. Chatter of New York, Macao, Japan, and Hong Kong fashion shows sometimes filled the air. A number of beauty queens were also around.

I told a good friend afterwards of how young, gorgeous, and tall these really real models were. My friend said I was two out of three so that was good. Haha.

What I learned from that day was that whatever I knew about walking from my amateur experience was not enough. I needed to practice my walk -- to glide and not bounce. Once the fashion show director said "Lala, welcome to to the world of fashion", I felt happy and vowed that I'd practice. (I am not 100% certain about these exact words but that was the gist of what he said). From then on, I practiced walking everyday using a pair of four-inch heels that I never really used before. Healthy food was also part of the regimen.

And then the day came. My really real ramp debut.

That was the first time I saw the clothes to wear, heard the song to ramp with, and actually practiced on the ramp. The theme was Avant Garde but I'd like to call it Pinoy Avant Garde.

I think that the way we had to walk with the Eraserhead's song, Magasin, was part of the designer's art:

HIT IT!

Nakita kita sa isang magasin.
Dilaw ang 'yong suot
At buhok mo'y green.
Sa isang tindahan sa may Baclaran,

Napatingin, natulala
Sa iyong kagandahan.

Naaalala mo pa ba noong
tayo pang dalawa?
Di ko inakalang sisikat ka.
Tinawanan pa kita,
Tinawag mo akong walanghiya

Medyo pangit ka pa noon
Ngunit ngayon...

Hey

Iba na ang 'yong ngiti.
Iba na ang 'yong tingin.

Nagbago nang lahat sa 'yoooo
oh ohhh.

Sana'y hindi nakita.
Sana'y walang problema
Pagkat kulang ang dala kong perahhhhh ahh.

Fashion Designer: Estien Quijano
Philippine Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009
Photos by Arwin Doloricon and Sarah Bautista.

The best part of my white Avant Garde get-up (at least for me) was actually its V-shaped bareback which people could only see when I turn around.

Doing ramp itself is an exhilarating feeling. I vividly remember the beginning of the long ramp, the straight walk on the solid ground, surrounded by darkness but bombarded directly by the strong beams of light, the herd of cameras at the end of the walk snapping away in milliseconds, a pose and a slight pause, and then the turn, the walk back, and the exit. Done. It was like being a performer but in a totally different manner and in a very fast mode. After all the work, it's done and that's it.

And then you just crave for more.

Those who watched that night said that there will be more to come. Hopefully their words would bring in positive vibes and opportunities! Haha. It might actually work because a great lot did say it out loud. You see, I had my very own full task force slash entourage called FRIENDS that night.

Slowly, I understood fully my role in this show. I truly felt honored to have been part of Philippine Fashion Week. I call this my really real ramp debut at the age of 25. But more than that, I think I've seen how blessed I am in my life as a relational being. I've always been supported by people who believe that anything is simply possible. And for me, that's just how a fish out of water survives. No, not just survive, but actually live.

Isn't it a wonder?

2008-10-18T10:51:00.016+08:00

I love being a super middle child in our family (I call it "super middle child" because I'm the third of five children). Whatever theory there is on Middle Child Syndrome, I personally don't believe it. As part of our birth order, I get to bond with each one of my siblings in different ways. I wouldn't say different levels. It's not the intensity that differs but the manner itself.

Today, this post will be about Nikki, my younger sister.

I was just reading her blog and found myself laughing. Laughing not in any devious way but just plain laughing as when we find something funny. She makes me laugh with her thoughts and comments. Even her friends' comments are hilarious.

After reading her posts, it's comforting to see how interwoven our lives still are despite the fact that we only see each other during weekends. We're all busy in our own ways at this point in time. Even if she's housemates with our youngest sister and they both live in the same building as our other older sister, they don't get to see each other often as well. They're the doctors and "duty" is the name of the game. In my mind, I can't help but compare Medical School to Hogwarts School of Wizardry in terms of lifestyle. It makes more sense to me that way.

Last night, Nikki and I had dinner together. I had fun conversing with her, amazed at how dedicated and focused my little sister is. But then again, she has always been like that and it's when she's not that becomes surprising to us. Anyway, it was just me and her at the dinner table. Everyone else was out. I could just imagine my dad saying to me if he were home early as well, "May sakit ka ba?" As for Nikki, she's usually home resting during Friday nights when her schedule permits her to do so. She doesn't receive any of those playful comments.

Prior to dinner, Nikki was looking at some tickets on the piano. While reading the names of the ticket owners, she voiced out her confusion, wondering why five strangers (names she has not ever heard from any of us) have tickets on the piano, "Who's --? Who's --?"

I told her that the other one was my friend and that her name was just written in full. She recognized the name right away but was still baffled by the rest. I explained that I didn't really know the owners of the rest of the tickets as they were my friend's friends. They were to be claimed on Sunday.

But Nikki was still confused and asked, "Saan galing yung tickets?" I totally forgot that we weren't able to chat about this new surreal thing so I just said with a grin, "I'll be part of it."

And from there, our dinner conversation started. How come she didn't know about it, asking not in a demanding manner but more of how-come-you-didn't-tell-us-and-we-would-be-there-in-snap? I realized that I was only able to tell Ling and my mom because we were up late one weeknight. My schedule has been really weird lately that I go home late at night (or early in the morning) when everyone else is asleep and wake up in the morning when my parents have left the house.

Anyway, I wasn't able to tell Nikki because we were so busy last weekend with birthdays and other things that this "news" slipped my mind. She said she wanted to watch as well and to take photos. I would LOVE that because Nikki's the best photographer in the family, getting "uno" in her Photography class back in UP. I told her I could add her name to the guest list and get her an invite. And we were like two giddy girls, amazed at how it happened. I felt excited all over again.

But then she realized she had an exam the following day after that event. There, I saw how torn she was between 1) her responsibility as a medical student and 2) her desire to take beautiful photos as a photographer and as a physically supportive sister.

Being the very focused person that she is, it's not hard to guess that she chose Option 1. It's always Option 1 because that's what she set herself out to do. Sacrifices included. And then she said I could invite her in the future again once she's already an earning doctor. She was that sure that I'd do this again when in fact my thinking was just as simple as I'd be doing it because of the same reason others climb Mt. Everest -- "Because it's there."

With two and a half years in between us, my sister is the more focused one. Even back in college, she was this point-something away from summa cum laude. And then there's always a little something on the side that she was highly concentrated on -- singing for a play, mastering photography, and working out a long distance relationship. And then recently, there's always the constant performance of a medical student plus more -- their group medical paper featured in the newspaper and my sister presenting it as the group leader in a conference in Davao.

She also told me that I was the topic of a conversation she had with her roommate the other day. They were saying that they were amazed at how busy I was with so many things. I wouldn't write those "things" here anymore because most are already in my other posts and because I promised this will be more about Nikki. The point is... with all our differences in interests, lifestyles, and career, I'm her fan as much as she's mine.

And if we were to be likened to fruit drinks, she would be 100% orange juice, fully concentrated. And me, I guess I'll be the Four Seasons. The same life-giving tree actually bears different fruits -- full of flavor, fresh, and refreshing.

The Artwork

2008-10-05T15:36:00.004+08:00

I remember promising to post my friend's artwork here. This is "Gratitude" by Kenji Onglao, an art student in Madrid.

When you're feeling down, they say it's time to think about things that you're thankful for. And you can opt to change the mood. We only live this life once. Why make it harder?

So for whatever I'm actually feeling at this moment, I'll just throw it to the winds. And I'll open up my palms to the skies in this grateful acceptance for everything else out there, whether big or small.

I'm thankful for the extra time I allotted for myself this day. I am able to read another book and snuggle in my bed during a Sunday afternoon.

I'm thankful for my friends who send messages unexpectedly, making their little messages source of life's simple surprises.

I'm thankful for the people who try their best to sprinkle the world with positive vibes.

I'm thankful for the stability of things and also for the in-between-getting-there-wherever-there-is.

I'm thankful for being able to spend time with my family and having Sunday lunches filled with conversations and flavored ice cream.

I'm thankful for the people who lend out a hand (sometimes even two), who give moments of their precious time, and who make life much much much easier.

I'm thankful for being able to stir, move, and awaken someone's senses.

I'm thankful for being able to understand and adjust to the realities of other people's lives.

I'm thankful for the ability to create, learn, and change.

Bonfire in the Rain!

2008-09-25T20:02:00.016+08:00

Well, hopefully it doesn't rain this hard on Tuesday for the much-awaited bonfire tradition.

Congratulations to the Ateneo Blue Eagles! Woooooohoooo! Go ATENEO! After winning both Game 1 and 2 vs DLSU, here's my new chant for the champions:

"Win and Win, it's the school we're in!"

On a much later date:
Here are some of the Bonfire 2008 photos. Apparently, it did rain that night. But everyone was still in a happy and festive mood.

* * *

There was supposed to be zips class tonight but the weather just wasn't cooperating. Both old and new students were really excited and I've just had series of text messages with them. Even if we all wanted for Thursday zips class to push through, we just couldn't. Heavy rains, flooded Makati streets, and major traffic hounded us like big guard dogs who seem to have this secret aversion to zips. We were willing to hold the class at the sides of a covered court in response to the rain but after hearing the news about floods and traffic, we decided to be rational.

Next week's weather just has to be better. We're all itching to resume zip classes.

* * *

And because I have extra time in my hands, I'm posting some new photos.

Yesterday was spent shooting for Soulmix, a music program that airs every Saturday at 6-7am on TV 5. Here are some glimpses of our November episodes - Soulmix chit chats & Soulmix requestions.

Shoot on location: Pino Resto. 122 Maginhawa Street, UP Village, QC

Soulmix Requestions Shoot

Direk Ernestine

Lala and Maikel Cardoz

Eric, our makeup artist, and Rizza

Soulmix Bro to Bro shoot

The Five Soulmix Hosts
Rev Bro Ody. Mikee Lee. Lala Jara. Rizza Diaz. PJ Lanot.

Special thanks also to Nailcraft62 Hand and Foot Spa, 2nd floor Torre Venezia Bldg, Timog Avenue corner Scout Santiago, QC.