PAIIRenting Post

Transitioning to Kindergarten

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 14:10:00 +0000

There are not many negative things to say about participating in the PAIIR program. Maybe you'd feel sad that you didn't get into the class you really hoped to get into because all of your friends got in, or maybe you wish there were more classes held after you were done with work. The fact is most of the people who attend PAIIR love it. Most are sad when their children age out of PAIIR. I like to joke that I had a third child just so I could participate for 5 more years.

The one thing that PAIIR does not prepare you for is the transition to Kindergarten. Don't get me wrong. The KIDS are prepared fantastically. It's the parents who are ill-prepared for sending their children into the unknown.

PAIIR is fantastic in that it lets you get to know other parents and their children (in most cases) quite well. Strong bonds can be formed in as little as a few months. I am still in contact with many of the families I met when my oldest child (now 8 years old) was in PAIIR. Some of them I met in infant classes with daughter.

By the time your child is about to leave the PAIIR program you, as a parent, start to take for granted that you know and trust the people who are taking care of your child in your absence. The PAIIR teachers are fantastic and loving and exude warmth and caring. You know your child is in safe hands. You know the teachers well. You know the other kids. You know their parents. You know that you have similar values if you are attending a program like PAIIR.

When you send your child to Kindergarten it is a very scary thing for many PAIIR parents. You're used to being involved in your child's life and knowing with whom he/she's interacting. Often your introduction to your child's Kindergarten teacher is a quick "hello" and "welcome" and you're left feeling unprepared to trust this person with your precious baby.

That's not to say that my children haven't had great Kindergarten teachers. The two that have gone to Kindergarten so far have had wonderful teachers and I know they are good people.

The truth is, you have to make the effort yourself to get to know your child's teacher and the children in the class. You may even get to know some of the parents. It's up to you. Volunteer in your child's class if at all possible. I know it's hard for many. But if you can use some of that vacation time to get to know your child's world, please do so. You will find it remarkably rewarding.

I know most of my children's classmates by name. I know their personalities. The smile and say hi when they see me. I've helped them. They see I care about them. Kindergarten is a big year for children and parents, full of transitions and new experiences. It's also the best year to get to know the children and the teachers who will be forming your child's life for the next 6 years or more.

Make the experience transitioning to Kindergarten the best it can be. Make an effort. Talk to the teachers, talk to the children. If there are other parents around, talk with them.

There's nothing better than, if your child has to go through a bad experience with another child, knowing exactly the child he/she is talking about...because you've met him/her, you've talked to him/her. And next time you volunteer you can give that child the stink eye. Just kidding.

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Heather is a stay at home mom to three kids: an 8-year-old daughter who is in third grade, a 6-year-old son who is in first grade and a 2-year-old daughter who still gets to hang out with mom at home.

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Are you sending a child to Kindergarten next fall (2011)? Join PAIIR at the Kickoff to Kindergarten November 11 from 4-7 p.m. at Northrop Education Center. Representatives from the Rochester School District will be on hand to answer your questions.

Take me out to the movies

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Fri, 28 May 2010 03:24:00 +0000

This is my first blog, which I liken to writing a journal entry. To let you know a little about me, my husband and I have been married for over 26 years and have two daughters. One is recently married and the other just finished her junior year in college. I’ve been a licensed parent educator since 2000.

On Sunday our family had lunch with our extended family where we had an energetic discussion of movies and video games. My niece had seen Iron Man 2 the night before. She was upset that there were young children viewing a movie that was rated PG 13. Another family member gave an enlightening point of view that the draw of adventure movies or video games is that you, or your child, can experience something that can’t be experienced in real life. Children get to experience what it might be like to interact with a centaur, mermaid, or minotaur! Knowing that young children aren’t able to differentiate between real life and fantasy, I question if it is the best for them to experience these fantasies, especially if it includes an action-adventure character like Iron Man, Spider Man, or a Transformer. These characters can dehumanize us as people. They can minimize or ignore feelings that caring people have.

I understand that parents like to go to a movie or maybe play a video game with their child as a way of connecting. I am curious how do you decide which movie to see with your child? How do you determine what is age-appropriate for your child? There are so many choices for parents to make. And with the heavy marketing of movies via commercials, there is even more pressure from children to their parents to see what seems popular. I’d love to hear from you how you make the decision of what to allow your child to watch or play.

What Parenting Books are the Most Helpful?

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 15:52:00 +0000

As my husband and I complete our first year as parents I find myself thinking about the journey thus far. Overall we have experienced great joy, yet we have at times struggled to make sense of everything that has happened and had our share of discussions as to how to deal with things. From breasfeeding, to getting our son to sleep in his own crib, to going back to work concerns, we have had plenty of discussions and many times where we could have used an expert's guide or manual.

I like to read research and a bunch of other people's ideas on how best to go about things, especially parenting, and then mix all the ideas up and come up with this collage of ideas that suits our needs at that particular time. As my husband and I are hands-on learning about parenting, I decided it was a good time to read, research, and create one of these conglomerate theories to, “make everything make sense”.

I started at the library in the parenting section, a section that has its own mini-sections, with parenting books on topics you hope you never have to deal with as a parent. As I skimmed over title after title I thought about whether I would actually have time to read any of these books, and about what other real life parents have read and gotten some wisdom from.

So, please share:
What is your favorite parenting book (title and author)?
How has it helped you as a parent?
How did you find time to read it? Just kidding!

Jen; Mother to a 1 year old boy, who makes regular trips to the library but rarely gets out of the children's section.

Family Faces Toddler Book

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:30:00 +0000

When my oldest child was born, she was only a few months old when her paternal grandparents headed to Florida for the winter. Before they left, I figured out a way to keep them in the baby's life while they were out of state.

I made a square board book with photos of our family members so that my daughter would get to know the faces of the most important people in her life--her family. My oldest liked her book so much, that when my son came along I made one for him too. Actually both of them still enjoy looking at those books today.

It was only natural that when my last child came along that I would make one for her as well. It's worked well for our kids so I thought I'd show you how I made them.

Things you need:
mat board (the kind used in framing--I got mine at Hobby Lobby)
photos of family members' faces
clear packing tape
markers
scissors
hole punch
binder ring

The amount of mat board you need will depend on how many family members you are putting in your book. I made my kids' books with photos of themselves, siblings, Mom and Dad, aunts and uncles and cousins. You also need to decide on a size. I made all of my kids' books 3 inches x 3 inches. It's a nice size, still small enough to tuck in the diaper bag yet big enough to hold a decent sized photo. If you don't have a template to trace and cut your squares from, perhaps you have a plastic storage container that is roughly the size you want that you can trace the lid for a pattern.

Once you have your pages cut you can decide if you want to cover the mat board with different papers. For my older kids' books I made each page a different color so that we could use the books to teach colors as well as for looking at family faces. With my youngest child's book I was too lazy for that step so I just used the mat boards as is.

Next cut your photos into squares that will fit on your pages with extra room around the edges. I cropped my photos in my photo editing software and printed them out the sizes I wanted on photo paper.

Position your photos with enough space beneath them to write the person's name and tack in place with a small piece of tape. Write the person's name underneath with marker. I added Uncle before my brother's name and Cousin before the cousins' names as well. I also made a front and back cover.

Decide on the order of your pages and stack them up. Punch a hole in the corner of each page with a hole punch taking care to leave enough space before the hole so that your book won't pull apart and making sure to punch the correct corner in each page.

Now you're ready to tape. I tried to make sure I didn't have any tape lines over the person's face and also made sure to cover every part of the page, including the sides. The first time I made one of these books I tried to use contact paper to make the book water-resistant but it didn't work as well as just using the clear packing tape.

Once you've taped all the pages, you'll need to punch the holes again. Then slide the binder ring through all the pages, close it up and you're done!

***Heather is mom to three children: a 7-year-old daughter, a 5-year-old son and a 20-month-old daughter.

Say hello but don’t get too close!

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 13:38:00 +0000

Today I had another parent ask me when its time to talk to your kids about stranger safety. I know from reading about the subject that the whole stranger safety campaign has been basically unsuccessful. It has succeeded in scaring the heck out of parents and studies show that kids will typically go with a stranger anyway if that person promises a puppy, says they need help or any other number of lures a creative, determined mind can generate.

Then there is the fact that most abductions or inappropriate touching of children is done by people who are not strangers- but family members or close friends. I often suggest to parents to teach their children that the parts of their bodies that are covered by underwear or bathing suits are private- and that you calmly teach them that its only mommy’s (or daddy’s , or the doctor’s or whoever is deemed a safe adult by the parent) job to take care of the private parts of their bodies.

This is such an important subject but I get sad when I know parents are worrying about their children in their own back (fenced-in) yard. I want to see a different world with kids feeling free to say hello to other people in the store and feeling safe walking down the block to their neighbor’s house. But children need to learn limits as well- like staying by dad’s side in a crowded place or not going through doors or into elevators without parents close by. How can kids become independent if parents have to hover?

Please weigh in on this topic.

Linda Thomas/PAIIR

Hot and Bothered

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:36:00 +0000

Somebody help! I remember crawling down the hallway practicing a fire escape plan with my son when he was little. Nowadays, the escape plan for my husband and I consists of a rope tied to the foot of our iron bed. Apparently we think we can rappel down the side of our two-story to the ground in the event of a fire-(read fear and chaos).

Once when our son was young and we tried to "escape" to the basement during bad weather we had to pry him out of his bed because he was so terrified. What would he have done in a fire?

What have others been told, practiced, prepared for or actually experienced when it comes to a house fire? I know many families with young children visit the fire station during fire safety week but how many can look those firemen in the eyes and tell them they have an escape plan that they have practiced? Let me know, what makes families actually make a fire escape plan and then practice it together? Does it take a personal "near miss"?

Linda Thomas/PAIIR

It's there if you take time to notice...

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:04:00 +0000

I recently took an infant class and was reminded by another participant to slow down and see the beauty in my child growing and changing each day. It’s a simple concept that requires little elaboration, rather reflection as to how you can selectively remove daily distractions to provide you with more time to slow down and really enjoy the mystifying beauty that lies within your child. What distractions are you dismissing in order to spend more time with your little ones? What have you been completely amazed by when you took the time to notice?

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Jen Skrukrud is a mother to an 8 month old man-on-the-move. She is savoring the snuggle time she has with her son each day.

Uses for a Kitchen Timer Outside of the Kitchen

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:27:00 +0000

My boy used to be a prune. Or at least he often looked like one when he was little. It's because I often misplaced the timer I used to signal it was time to get out of the tub. He refused to get out without it. I finally resorted to ringing the door bell. I know…I know! The timer worked like a charm when I could find it.

I was (and still can be…) organizationally challenged as well as a bit lax on my ability to be firm about some things -like ending tub time (Hey-I could flip through magazines while he bathed so I liked him a little pruney!)

The timer also worked well to announce “toy pick-up time” before we had snack in the afternoon. So now I am wondering in what ways have others used the timer to manage their kid’s behaviors? The digital ones they have now are so slick we have multiples at home. I use them to signal to my husband that it’s time for him to make dinner, it’s time for him to buy me chocolate, its time……

Linda Thomas/PAIIR

When Parents Listen

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:01:00 +0000

I like to think of myself as a good problem solver. In fact, I think most parents acquire great skills in this area. What I realized, though, is that I used to jump too quickly to solve my children’s problem. I found myself giving advice when what they really wanted was for me to listen. Often there was frustration because I misunderstood the point! I have seen children have meltdowns, walk away in a huff, or simply stop trying to explain their problem because the adult they were talking to “just wasn’t listening”. The parent, in most situations, thought he or she was listening but was actually mostly telling. I have learned to be highly focused on my LISTENING and less focused on my TALKING...reminding myself I have two ears and only one mouth so I should use them proportionately! When I am able to control myself, bite my tongue, and hear the child out I often realize that what the child was saying and what I was hearing were two different things. Also, I find children share more details when I open my ears and close my mouth. I find our conversations much more peaceful and rewarding. Here is an example of a recent experience:

As we were dressing to go play in the fresh October snow my youngest daughter said, “Mom, I am wondering about the angels in the snow.” I immediately thought she meant “snow angels” and was about to go into a descriptive reminder of how best to proceed in achieving the optimum results, but instead I used my #1 listening skill and said, “Tell me more about that.” She then went on to express her concern about the angels in heaven and if they have warm coats and hats and mittens. She wondered if they fly faster to keep warm. She had a lot of questions that I may have never heard if I had jumped in to give a lesson on making snow angels!
Besides better understanding what the child is truly saying, true listening helps to diminish frustration. When a child is upset about something often just acknowledging their feelings (listening skill #2) with, “you seem really sad” or “that must have been disappointing” calms them down. Sometimes that is all they want—they then run off to play again.

When they do want help solving a problem I am amazed at how very young children can come up with really good solutions. When my oldest daughter and son were 3 and 2 we were having nightly arguments about who got to be first going up the stairs. I told them I was worried someone would get hurt racing to get there first and asked them what they thought they could do about the problem (listening skill #3). They talked for a moment and said they decided to “hold hands and go the same speed”. It was a beautiful solution that I would probably not have come up with. We never had another argument about it--children are usually more confident in the solution to their problem and more willing to stick with it when they have come up with it themselves.

When I am really intentional about listening I notice a great improvement in communication. It opens doors because the children feel listened to. Once they feel that I am listening they tell me more about what is on their mind so I can really understand what it is that they are saying. They feel validated and encouraged to take ownership in the problem and it teaches them good listening skills.

Think about your friends who you go to with your problems and frustrations. They are probably not the ones giving you suggestions but rather, the ones who use their ears twice as much as their mouth.

Bobbi Jean is the mother of 5 children, ages 6, 8, 10, 12, and 13. She is a PAIIR educator and is still polishing up her listening skills.

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:59:00 +0000

As family traditions go Halloween is one “holiday” that lacked traditions for my family. I am working to change that. No, Halloween isn’t my favorite holiday, however I do recognize it as a time to create great memories with my child and in the future allow my child to dream, pretend, be silly, and enjoy himself.

In the midst of all this I am left thinking about what to let my child be for Halloween. He is a mere 7 months old yet I feel somehow like I am making a statement with his costume. I have decided my son is going to be a caterpillar for Halloween. After all, why not have him dress up as a character from a book? The Very Hungry Caterpillar is one of my favorites, and if you’ve seen my son you know “very hungry” goes right along with his personality. Another reason I chose this costume is because it is non-violent. I believe there is enough violence in the world and children are exposed to too many violent acts as youngsters as it is. For kids, Halloween should be about the magic of pretending, the excitement of putting on a costume and parading around town, not about violence, gore, and death. What non-violent costume will your child be wearing this year?

Jen is the mother to a 6 month old son who has started rolling and creeping. She is un-decorating the house to accommodate his curiosity for all things “off limits”.

Grand Adventures with Dad

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:39:00 +0000

After months of "perfection" the baby moon is over. I spent the first 5 months of my son's little life at home doting over him, doing anything and everything for him. My husband looked on as I "taught" him all about changing diapers, feeding, and the importance of reading books everyday to our precious little one. I was after all a trained professional; I teach people about children everyday so my husband trusted every word of what I said... Until I went back to work.

A month ago I returned to the workforce. Albeit, only two nights a week however after 5 months of being at home, two nights a week has been a big deal for me and for my family. The first few nights I would call when I got a chance, "just checking in". My husband would reassure me that everything was alright and I would secretly, anxiously await the end of my class so that I could return home and snuggle my son.

The first weeks were chaotic to say the least. I would return to a house that looked like a tornado had hit-toys, books, diapers both clean and dirty, strewn everywhere- to find my husband and son snuggled up on the couch watching TV. Other nights I waltzed in and my son would still be awake (past his strictly enforced scheduled bed time) jumping happily in his jumper. Once my husband poured milk all over the couch and again all over the floor in a hurried attempt to get a bottle ready for a starved little guy. Each afternoon I dreaded getting ready for work. I feared what I would come home to, and wondered if daddy was reading like he was supposed to and if my son was "alright" while I was gone. Guilt was setting in.

Last night my husband revealed to me that he doesn't believe he has the mother's intuition I have. I reassured him that he always did what was best for he and our son and that so far everything has gone great. Many times in my life I have given this speech to parents much in need of a confidence booster. This time was different. As I recited the phrase, "It might be different than when I am home but..." I paused. It turns out my husband's need for a pick me up was just what I needed to realize that while I am away our son is in the midst of grand adventure with his dad. I am no longer rushing home. No longer fearing what I might find nor annoyed at the tornado I find when I arrive. This week I am taking my time after class, I may even stop somewhere on the way home.

Jen is the mother of a 6-month-old boy and is also a PAIIR Educator.

Observations from a Dad

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:18:00 +0000

Somehow, I find myself writing a blog on parenting and after wondering how I got into this mess, I started contemplating what I would write about. I am after all, the Dad. What could I, the Dad have to say on a blog that would provide insight into the world of parenting? To many Dads parenting is a part time job, something we do when we get home from work, or on the weekend when we get done golfing, fishing, or fixing the bathroom shower. We leave the hard stuff to Mom. They figure it out, and tell us what to do and we get it done – usually with duct tape, the kitchen destroyed and pizza delivery involved.

It is easy to take a light-hearted approach to fatherhood and being a Dad. After all, when the kid starts playing football for the NFL – who does he yell “Hi” to: MOM! I sometimes think that as Dads, we get lost in the whole process starting at pregnancy, continuing through the birth and never really recover. The baby showers, the birth, everyone cooing over the baby, through it all we are standing in the corner learning our place in the process; do as asked or this tiny little being will scream for Mom and we will not be trusted to touch the baby again. A friend of mine once commented that he didn’t know what to do with his kids until they were in grade school! I personally found that statement to be incredibly sad for both him and his kids. I think of all the memories I would not have if I didn’t interact with them for the first five years of their lives. I grew up on a farm with a large family; sadly, I don’t remember much about my Dad until I was old enough to start doing chores with him in the barn at age nine or so. I vowed that would not be the case with my kids.

Parenting takes active involvement from both parents. As Dads, don’t stand in the corner and wait to be told. Read the books, ask questions, and be involved. Have conversations about discipline, food and potty training. And most of all, take every moment you can. In business, we often talk about return on investment. In this case, the investment I make every day in time for my kids pays back immediately, and the payback is priceless. We learn about each other, we laugh, we talk and most of all we engage. As they get older, we will continue to find hobbies and activities that we can all enjoy together. And when I have to fix that bathroom shower, I hope one of them is standing by with the duct tape while the other orders a pizza.

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Tim is the father of two kids, an 11 yr old daughter and 13-month-old son. He and his wife recently moved from Rochester to Minneapolis and miss the community and the friends.

Toddler Life Toddler Life Toddler Life

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:08:00 +0000

Life with a toddler can be, at times, mind-numbingly repetitive. Toddlers are exploring the world and trying to figure out how things work, over and over again. Did I mention they do things over and over? And over?

My days are filled with following behind D’s messes. Empty toy basket. Mom cleans up. Meanwhile D is pulling books off the shelf. She will sit and flip pages in a few books, the toddle on to the plastic food container drawer. While she is merrily flinging boxes about the kitchen, I restore the bookshelf to order. About the time I finish clearing up the book massacre, D has moved back to the toy basket or on to the box of computer game CDs or the videotape boxes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

You wouldn't think I’d need to workout.

There are times though that the repetitive persistence is endearingly adorable. For example, one day D and I went for a walk. I walked, D rode in her push-car (her first birthday present from her family). I brought along a sport bottle filled with water. The bottle was one I’d bought at the fair, tall with a long straw. I hadn't tried to give D a drink from a straw before, but I did on the walk. She smiled broadly and sipped like a pro.

When we got back to our house she pointed and squawked for me to give her the bottle. When I did she sat on the floor and practiced sip after sip from the straw, beaming proudly between drinks.

My first born, as a toddler, adored the book Moo Baa La La La by Sandra Boynton. Even now I can recite that book word for word because M insisted I read it to her over and over.

My son, as a toddler, enjoyed hearing me sing The Wheels on the Bus repeatedly.

Those repetitions, while somewhat maddening at the time, are some of the sweet things that I’ll remember most about my kids when they are all grown.

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Heather is mom to three children, a second-grader, a Kindergartner and an almost-16-month-old. She thinks one of the best things about being a parent is discovering who her kids really are.

The New Normal

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Fri, 22 May 2009 10:50:00 +0000

Today, I have officially been a mom of three for one whole year. We all survived together, in this too-small-for-us-now house, in the almost-too-small-for-us car, in my larger-than-I-ever-dreamed heart.

Midway through my pregnancy with D I started to second-guess the wisdom of having another child. My other two children were unruly and hard to manage. They were sensing the change that was coming in our lives, and while they looked forward to having a baby sister they also (I think) resented the sort-of implied knowledge that the two of them were not enough.

But the thing that kids don't (and can't) understand is that a mother wants for more children precisely because the ones she already has take her breath away. It is the wonder of knowing these perfect beings (perfect not in deed but perfect for that mother, their mother) and watching them develop and emerge from the shadow of that mother that makes her want to see the process continue anew; and to discover what new ways the process can unfold.

When the baby was born last May, my other two children were in love with her. She was little, she slept a lot, she rarely cried and most importantly...she didn't move. It was a lovely babymoon until about 6 months into her life when she started to crawl. Now she can get into their things and they don't much care for it. Of course all she has to do is smile her big, dimpled, still toothless smile and they turn back into puddles of submission. Anything the baby wants, she can usually get because they don't like to see or hear her crying.

I'm fairly certain this only works when the baby is at least 3 years younger than her siblings. It definitely didn't work that way with M and K and there are only 2 years and 7 days between them...although M did do her fair share of doting on K as well.

The bleary-eyed days of having a newborn are now behind me. My youngest baby is one today and I am looking forward to seeing how we will all continue to fit together, this family of mine. Each day D will show us more and more of her personality, her preferences, her foibles and we will all adapt just a little to make room for this new normal.

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Heather is mom to three, an almost 7-year-old daughter M, an almost 5-year-old son K, and Baby D who is 1 today. Sob!

A Sign of the Times

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:05:00 +0000

These days people are worried about keeping their jobs and putting food on the table for their family members. I attended a PAIIR advisory board meeting tonight and Peggy O'Toole-Martin said something that resonated. She talked about the hard times people are experiencing and the importance of being sensitive to the people around us.

I met a married couple at Target after the meeting. The husband shared with me that he had just been laid off. His last day of work is Friday and he seemed like he was becoming accustomed to telling people the news. I wanted to tell him that he had nothing to worry about and that he would easily find a job, but I bit my tongue and listened. I told them that if they needed anything they could call me.

I want this generation of children to be known for their kindness. I believe the hard times will teach them about sacrifice, compassion and resilience.

I read a story about a daughter who was touched by her father's kindness and his ability to talk to people from all walks of life. Later I shared how much this story touched me, and she told me the story of her father's passing. He died in the nursing home. When she asked the cleaning woman to tell the appropriate person that he had passed, she was informed by the woman that her father was always kind and that he took the time to get to know her name and her children’s' names. When she cleaned his room he asked her how her children were doing; this touched the woman deeply.

I am amazed how much it means to people to acknowledge who they are and the importance of their existence. I strive to be a good example to my daughter because I realize the way I treat people is the way she will treat others as well.

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Jinny Max has a 3-year-old daughter named Maya who is in preschool. Jinny is a HUGE supporter of PAIIR. She believes she wouldn't have survived her first year in Rochester without PAIIR.

Weeks

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 03:55:00 +0000

I’ve realized that I don’t know the weeks.

You know when you’re pregnant with your first child and someone asks you how far along you are? You answer, all giddy with the knowledge that you’re growing your baby: 24 weeks and 3 days.

You know. You know exactly to the day how far along you are.

The knowledge of the weeks continues once the baby is born. Any innocent inquiry to the baby’s age is met with: 16 weeks. 22 weeks. 34 weeks.

You just know. You keep track. The poor stranger that asked you the question is left to the math to try to figure out how old your child is, and you feel confident that you’ve given the most accurate response to the question.

With the second child, you still know the weeks of gestation, after all, you’re carrying that kid around and he’s bouncing on your pelvis and making you wonder what the H you were thinking about carrying another baby around for 40 weeks.

When people ask after baby #2 is born, how old he is, half the time you know to the week, the other half of the time you just round to the nearest half-month. Let’s face it, people don’t need that accurate information.

The third child? I was supremely happy to discover that I was finally pregnant. I counted down the days to my first OB appointment so that I could see that the being inside me was doing well and growing fine. After that first appointment? No, really after the thirteenth week, I lost track. People would ask how many weeks I was pregnant (obviously other pregnant moms or recently pregnant moms) and I would falter. I didn’t know. Often I’d just blurt out a number then go home and look at my calendar and discover I was further along than I had said I was.

Since she was born it’s no less a wonderful thing. It’s no less a joy to have an infant around our house. In fact, in some ways, it is the best time that I’ve had an infant around the house. She smiles, she giggles, she is easy to please.

If you ask me how old she is, however, I will round to the nearest half-month. Every time. Sometimes that might mean that I round up to the half-month before it’s actually warranted. To tell the truth, I have no idea whatsoever how many weeks old my third child is at any given time.

I can tell you that it doesn’t mean that I love her any less than I love her siblings. Love does, indeed, multiply with each child. However, the concept of time seems to fade with each birth.

One moment they’re babies, the next they’re going away to college.

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Heather is mom to three children (a 6-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son and an almost 8-month-old daughter who is *cough cough* weeks old). When she's not cleaning up after her kids, she can be found blogging, making things for her etsy shop or sleeping...probably in that order.

I like being a “Mini Van Mom”

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:15:00 +0000

Being the month of November with the holidays quickly approaching I guess I take more time to reflect upon my blessings. The other day I was in such a rush trying to get dinner to a friend who needed help. I spent the day preparing dinner, continuing to put off my kids, which in turn escalated the behaviors that quite frankly nearly put me over the edge. Finally my husband came home and I walked out the door ready for a much needed break. I pulled out of the driveway in our minivan, which was unusually quiet. Why, I wondered, did I miss the voices of my children (when I am typically asking them to please talk quieter). The thought came to me that I like being a “mini van mom”…I appreciate that I have a car full of children, whose laughter far outweighs their screams. In reality I am so grateful for the ability to have children, I am so grateful it is possible for me to stay at home and be with them, even if I don’t tell myself that 100% of the time.

I have heard a quote that goes something like No other success can compensate for failure in the home. I truly believe that my children are the most important things I have to invest my time in right now. But I do find myself thinking, why am I not enjoying this more? Of course I am laden with guilt to even admit that there are some days that I am not enjoying motherhood as much as I should, but I have found comfort in knowing there are other parents out there that feel the same way.

All in all in the short car ride by myself (which really was good for me) I realized there is positively nowhere else I would rather be or nothing I would rather be doing than raising my children. I truly hope they can overcome my imperfections as a mother…because in the end there is no calling I could have that could be more gratifying to me.

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Lindsey Cantwell works long hours as a mother of three enthusiastic children; a 4 year old son (who is in PAIIR preschool), a 3 year old daughter, and a 3 month old son. She has been an avid PAIIR participant since the birth of her oldest son.

Be Kind!

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:52:00 +0000

As I brought this topic to my fellow PAIIR parents attention during a parent education day, I found that I was not alone in my feelings that other adults can be very rude with their comments to and about your children in public. I had no idea the can of worms that I was about to unleash at the meeting.

My simple story about another adult "correcting" my child in public was dwarfed in comparison to some of the stories that were revealed from other parents at the meeting. Now, don't get me wrong, if my child is misbehaving, I do not mind a little input from others as we all know that sometimes your child will respond better when the misbehavior is addressed from another adult. The thing that blew me away was how rude this particular adult was in correcting my child.

My daughter is going through a rather embarrassing stage of making little wrinkled up nose faces at children that she does not know. While walking by a table in a restaurant, my daughter proceeded to wrinkle up her nose at another little girl. The adult at the table whom I will assume was mom proceeded to look at my child with disgust and say "be kind" in a rather loud voice.

Now that doesn't really sound like anything that I should get all bent out of shape about. The thing that really burned me was that I was already in the process of correcting my child for her little stink face. As if that was not enough, the mother then turned to her two daughters without acknowledging the fact that I was still standing right next to my daughter at the table and proceeded to tell her two daughters, "That was extremely rude" and proceeded to use my daughter as an example of what rude behavior was.

I was furious. Hello there ma'am. Did you notice that I am still standing at the table with my "rude" daughter by my side? Her children were older than my then 3-year-old daughter, and I am quite sure that they were aware of the definition of rude. However, my child was only 3! She is still learning.

I quietly took my child's hand and left the building feeling angry, humiliated, and due to the fact that the woman never even acknowledged by presence, quite honestly like I was not a good parent. That interaction had deflated my confidence of being a good parent that quickly. I thought about the interaction over and over again. I was mad. Why was I so mad? Is is it that I think my child can never do any wrong? No. Is it that another adult corrected my child in public? No. Was it the way that she "corrected" my child in public telling my child to be kind and then proceeding to voice to her own children while we were still at the table how rude the behavior was? YES!!!

I'm never Johnny on the spot with quick and appropriate comments when someone catches me off guard. I am a processor. Looking back on the situation and sharing the situation with other moms and dads in my group made me realize that my feelings were appropriate for that interaction. I now feel that I would have an appropriate response for the woman. I would have simply asked her, Should we not lead by example?

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Nicole Rathbun is the proud mom to her son, a 6-year old kindergartner, and her daughter, a 4-year old preschooler. She is a big fan of the PAIIR preschool program and was honored to be asked to join the PAIIR advisory board this year.

Kindergarten

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 17:29:00 +0000

I thought when I was little, it took forever for a week to go by, why is it now I can’t seem to slow down even for a minute to plan for the next week?

Last year my boys were in preschool and Kindergarten seemed so many miles away. We attended PAIIR's Kick off to Kindergarten open house in September and it seemed light years away before they would attend.

I didn’t think I had many questions about school in Rochester, I work for the PAIIR program so what did I need to ask? Well I tell you…Kick off to Kindergarten helps parents understand what choices there are in Rochester. There are many different schools. I met the school representative for my neighborhood school, talked to transportation about the school bus and if we could ride; made sure the district had the correct information on my children. I then felt better about Kindergarten.

Now several weeks into Kindergarten my boys are thriving, they wake up and jump into their clothes and run for the table to eat breakfast. How are the other new Kindergarteners (and parents) out there doing?

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Amy Ward has lived in Rochester for the past 3 year and has two wonderful sons in kindergarten. She currently works for PAIIR as a Team Coordinator.

Extraordinary Newborns

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:52:00 +0000

The first months of baby’s life parents generally get the same questions about their babies: How old is he? How much does she weigh?

If you’re like me, you can answer the first question (within a week or two) but the second question often gets a shrug. Most people don’t own an infant scale and if baby is healthy there is usually no need to go to the doctor every month.

Also, as a first-time parent, you often have many questions but don’t have the time to commit to a weekly class at PAIIR. Perhaps you’d think by the time you’ve had three children you wouldn’t have any questions, but my third baby is almost 4 months old already (as I write this) and I still have questions. Children are definitely individuals right from the womb.

PAIIR offers a once-per-month drop-in class for parents of babies from birth to 6 months of age. It’s a great way to get your questions answered without having to commit to a class.

I took my baby to the drop-in in September, mostly because I was wondering how much she weighed. She’s much smaller than my other two children were at her age, and I wanted to see how much (or how little) she actually weighed.

I arrived right at 1 o’clock, at the start of the drop-in period. I already knew the PAIIR facilitator who was there to help answer questions, and I was introduced to the public health nurse who was on hand to weigh the babies and to answer health-related questions as well.

Soon after I started to get my baby undressed to her diaper to be weighed, more moms arrived with their infants. Once all the babies had been weighed (with the weights recorded on papers with the date and their names so we didn’t have to try to remember!) we sat down to chat.

Since it was a drop-in class, we were encouraged to stay or leave, as we needed to attend to our babies, or for whatever reason. We introduced our babies and ourselves and shared the ages of our babies. The ages at this session ranged from 7 weeks to almost 4 months.

We shared stories of how our first weeks with our babies had been going and each asked our questions that ranged from “is my baby gaining enough weight” to “is it okay to take my baby on an airplane when she’s this young.”

Before our time was up, most of the babies had nursed or drank a bottle and were sleeping. Minds had been eased, suggestions had been offered and resources had been discovered.

I’m planning to attend next month too. I want to see how much weight my baby gains in the next four weeks, and I’m sure I’ll have new questions.

Extraordinary Newborn is offered the third Wednesday of each month (10/15, 11/19, 12/17) at Northrop Education Center (201 8th Street NW) from 1-2:30 p.m. No registration is required and there is no fee to attend.

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Heather is mom to three children: a 6-year-old daughter, a 4-year-old son and an almost 4-month-old daughter. She spends much of her days saying "uh huh" and "oh yeah?" to her son, who loves to talk.

Get Cooking!

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:32:00 +0000

It's here!! The new PAIIR and School Readiness Cookbook has arrived and is available for purchase from the PAIIR office (201 8th Street NW).

I had one of the first edition of PAIIR's cookbooks and pulled it out whenever I was tired of making the same old thing for supper. I knew that the recipes in that cookbook were favorites of the parents who had contributed them, so I was confident they'd be great recipes. I was never disappointed.

This new cookbook is larger. More recipes! It still has the same spiral binding so that the book lays flat on the counter and won't flip itself shut while you're trying to measure out ingredients. It also has the helpful household hints and tips and conversion charts that I found so handy in the previous edition.

At $12, it's a great deal. They make great gifts too.

**Heather

No thanks, well, maybe, yes

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:44:00 +0000

Every person has a temperament. The qualities that make up our temperament mingle in unique ways and make each of us different and interesting. It is also what makes living with other people so difficult at times.

I never gave temperament much thought until my first child came along. She was a demanding infant, often crying until I hoisted her into my arms. Many times she would continue her tirade unless I was in constant motion while holding her in my arms. I attempted to use a baby sling to give my arms some relief and to try to get a few things accomplished around the house, but the sling wasn’t good enough. She wanted actual contact with Mom’s arms around her, holding her, or she would let me know LOUDLY about her unhappiness.

Once she got old enough to communicate in methods other than screaming at me, it became quite clear that she was an extremely social being who thrived on human contact – constant human contact. This, in retrospect, was present even at her birth.

My oldest daughter’s outgoing and social nature was (and, at times, still is) overwhelming to me as a new mother. I never have been the life of the party and I’d given birth to a social butterfly. Our needs were in direct conflict. She craved adventure while I’d just as soon stay home and relax in the relative quiet.

In those first months and years we conditioned one another to adapt to the other’s preferences. My daughter would tolerate staying home one day, but the next (even as young as 14 months) she would grab her coat, bring it to me and announce “go!” We’d then hit the park or the stores for some outside stimulation.

When my son came along, I was still unprepared for a child with a different temperament than his sister. I’d adapted, and in truth, come to enjoy getting out a little more often than I would have previously. If I’m to be perfectly honest, my son is a lot like his mother. He prefers to stay a little off from the main action until he gets more comfortable with the people and the surroundings.

Recently I realized that my son has another very classic reaction to things that is clearly related to his temperament. If you ask him something—anything—if he wants to do something fun, go somewhere, eat something, what have you, he will invariably answer in the negative.

Do you want to go outside and play? No.

Do you want to go to the store and buy a new toy? No.

(Do you want a Popsicle? Yes. This is one of the few exceptions.)

Moments later, if you take him at his word and start to put your shoes away because he’s said he doesn’t want to go play at the park, he will fall apart in despair because he does, actually, want to go outside once he’s had a chance to think about it.

I’ll admit when I’d heard the temperament trait “negative first reaction” I was a bit skeptical that there were people who always reacted that way. Now I see that it is not only possible, but also my son is a textbook example.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine called me and asked if I wanted to join her in taking our kids to a local pool.

No, I don’t think so, I heard myself respond without thinking. Once I’d pressed the button to hang up the phone I was already having second thoughts. Maybe we should go swimming. It wouldn’t be that difficult to get us all there. The older two would have a blast.

Then it occurred to me that I, too, have a negative first reaction. So sometimes the temperament doesn’t fall far from the tree.

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PAIIR has an assessment tool that you can use to explore your family’s temperaments. Contact the PAIIR office if you’d like a copy mailed to you.

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Heather is mom to three children (6 years, 4 years, and 3 months).

I am a Gramma!

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:41:00 +0000

Being a gramma is the best and my grandbaby is adorable! So far, this could be written by any of your mothers! Isn't it wonderful that grammas feel that way? Grammas just know to ask other grammas to see their brag book. After 3 months, I don't even have one yet. My daughter in Rochester asks for the pictures I print or I put the updated ones in my photo coasters. I am very proud of the fact that I figured out how to put the pictures on my digital photo keychain--all by myself! What a technological genius I am, my granddaughter, Adeline, will someday say. :)

Thoughts on being a Gramma!
1. I forgot how much work a newborn is. I told my daughter--"babies just eat and sleep." Well, getting little Addie to sleep is a trick in itself. If my daughter hadn't discovered the Moby Wrap, this baby would be identified as the 'colicky' one. Being claustrophobic, I have resisted getting bound by 4 yards of material to wrap this baby. She falls asleep as soon as you bounce on an exercise ball with her snuggled in the Moby Wrap.
2. I am amazed how much my daughter knows. All I had was a book by Dr. Spock. (PAIIR was in its infancy itself)
3. Whenever I visit the beautiful children's section of the Rochester library, I tell myself--don't buy another book!
4. I look at her darling baby clothes and cringe when I think about the type of clothes my babies wore. (I won't even mention what our maternity clothes looked like.)
5. I oscillate between thinking she has too many toys and feeling guilty mine only had some rummage sale baby toys.
6. The tide has turned and I now listen to my daughter's advice. Pedestrians have the right away in Berkeley, where she currently lives. I was told to NEVER start across the street with the stroller until I had made eye contact with the driver, so I knew he saw me. This was actually helpful and made me feel safer, too. (Of course figuring out the car seat and stroller system was another challenge.)
7. I am terribly jealous of any gramma that has a grandbaby less than 5 hours away. Mine is moving to Ann Arbor, but that very large Lake Michigan will still make it a 10 hour trip. I am so thankful for digital cameras and video clips on U-tube.

Let me know how you keep in touch with your child's grandparents. It's a new and wonderful experience for me. What have you appreciated most about grandparents? What is irritating? I'm listening!

Linda Munson
New gramma and newly retired parent educator after 25 years at PAIIR.

This is MY house

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:00:00 +0000

In my quest for a semi-clean and orderly house, I have been going fromroom to room to see what I need to pick up and what needs to be givenaway, thrown away, etc. One can definitely tell that we have small children in this house! You know you have small children in the house when:

(1) There are multiple wipes boxes placed carefully and strategically around the house.
(2) My cookbook cupboard is full of two different sizes of diapers.
(3) The living room looks like a daycare center.
(4) At least 60% of the household movies are rated G.
(5) The cupboards and refrigerator MUST have some sort of cracker, fruit snack, cookie, Go-Gurt and juice in them.
(6) There is a diaper genie by the back door that always seems to befull.
(7) My lovely expensive coffee table has knicks all over the top from Matchbox cars. Underneath the table, we have hidden puzzles, blocks, and other toys.
(8) The bathrooms have kid hand soap, plastic bathroom stools, and sometimes a half-unrolled toilet paper roll.
(9) At any given moment, you can find food bits under the dining room table: you name it-- raisins, cut up hot dogs or grapes, etc.
(10) Sometimes, if you are REALLY lucky, there is a sippy cup underneath some piece of furniture that is at least 2 days old.

Gotta love it! Some people may think that I am complaining right now. Sure, my house always seems messy despite the constant effort to be organized. Sure,you may get a whiff of wet diaper when you walk in the back door. (Thank goodness for room spray!) But, I have to sit back and remind myself that someday, I'll miss having small children in the house. It is already going by so quickly.

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Kara is the mother of 3 children: a daughter who is 6, a son who is 3, and a daughter who is 2. She is a self-proclaimed PAIIR "junkie" and her kids have always enjoyed the programs too!

Fire Safety and Young Families

noreply@blogger.com (PAIIRstaff) — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:22:00 +0000

I’ll be honest, any time I hear about a house fire, especially if there are fatalities, I worry about what we’d do if a fire started in our home. I always think that I know all the fire safety recommendations, but don’t know exactly how to apply the “rules” to my family and my home.

I’ve heard conflicting advice from other parents. I’ve heard the general home escape plans. Some of the advice simply doesn’t work if you have young children and infants.

So, as I’m awaiting the birth of my third child, I thought I’d go to someone who could actually give me practical advice about fire safety. He’s a firefighter and a dad, and he happens to be someone I went to high school with so he was obligated to help. Just kidding. He’d help anyone.

I asked Chad Rathbun, who is a firefighter in Minneapolis at Fire Station number one, a series of questions that I had about keeping my kids safe regarding fires.

Most people probably know that they should have a working smoke detector in their homes, but how many smoke detectors do we really need? In my home, we have one in each of our children’s bedrooms and one in the kitchen. Chad recommends that we place one in every bedroom (not just our kids’!), in the kitchen (where most fires start), one on each level of the home, and one in the hallway outside your bedrooms. Keep in mind that if anyone is sleeping in your basement you need to have egress windows for safety.

Similarly, we should all have at least one fire extinguisher in our home. Since most fires start in the kitchen, that might be the best place to keep it if you have only one. But it isn’t enough to just buy the fire extinguisher and leave it sitting in your kitchen for years (hopefully) unused. You need to perform some maintenance even on the small home fire extinguishers. If fire extinguishers sit unused in one position for years, the chemicals inside can lump together and become useless. To prevent this, we should actually spin our fire extinguishers. Hey, we could even have our kids do it for us. Just turn the extinguisher on its side and spin it or roll it around a little. Once a month, even once every six months (perhaps when we’re changing the batteries in our smoke detectors) should keep our extinguishers clump-free.

When we were in grade school we were taught to have a fire escape plan. These plans, while a great idea for families with older children, are not practical for those with young children. I asked Chad what I could have taught my kids to do when they were too little to open doors and get themselves out of the house.

Here’s what Chad said: Tell them to stay low to the ground and stay where they are. Do NOT hide…don’t go under the bed, or into their closet or anywhere else they might think to go. Introduce them to firefighters and let them see them dressed in their full gear. Let them know that the firefighters are there to help. Take them to a fire station. See if they can try out the stuff. If it’s familiar, they’ll be less scared when they need to rely on a firefighter to save them.

“Just telling them not to hide, that’s a big thing. When there’s smoke in the house you can’t see your hand in front of your face and if the kids are hiding it’s near impossible to find them. It can be pretty chaotic.”

“It’s pretty scary with all of our stuff on, but if they’ve seen it before they might be less scared. We have had kids run away from us before because they’re scared of these people coming in looking like monsters and carrying axes and stuff,” Chad explains.

You can still construct an escape plan and talk with your child about it, and practice it. But know that your child will be at least as scared as you are in a fire, so the best thing to tell them might be Chad’s advice: “If you’re scared, just stay where you are and we’ll come and get you.”

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Heather is mom to (almost) 3 children: a 5-year-old daughter, a 3-year-old son and a baby who will be born this week! She's been attending PAIIR classes since her daughter was just weeks old and continues to pester the great teachers at PAIIR.