PaleOMG - Paleo Recipes

Weekly Sum Up

juli — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 05:00:17 +0000

I don’t think I have an obsessive side this week. Not sure why. It’s disappointing. I do want a donut though. Maybe I should look into Multiply Delicious paleo donut recipe. I love her. She’s a genius. Donuts are just gorgeous. I miss the days I used to eat a dozen donuts at my swim meet while snacking on nerds and nachos. Ok, not really. I slightly hate my mother for letting me ever consume that crap. Just kidding mom, I don’t hate you. I know I was a demon child.

Wow, that was off track. And now I’m salivating. What a gross word.

Anyways. So instead of obsessing over my obsessions, let’s chat about my week.

The CrossFit Open began. The first wod is 7 minutes of burpees. Burpees are burpees. They always suck. No matter what. But the thing that actually sucks about this wod is that EVERYONE is posting about it on their Facebook status. Everyone. I get it people, you hate burpees. F*ck burpees. Buck furpees. I get it. You can stop facebooking it. I can’t even log on to Facebook without seeing the word ‘burpees’ over 67 times. Kind of like this sentence.
I’ve decided that I really want the baby hair on the top of my head to grow. COME ON HAIR. You’re not a child. Stop acting like one.
I made enchiladas out of sweet potatoes. Genius. And effing delicious. Don’t worry, the recipe will be on the blog next week. The picture kind of sucks though, but trust me, totally worth making. You’ll love life. And me. Then you’ll ask me out on a date, if you are a male, and SINGLE.
This is some cool sh*t. I was very lucky to watch a ton of my athletes do a 30 day paleo challenge and absolutely rock it. Not only did everyone lose weight, but EVERYONE lost inches AND took time off their ‘Jackie’ wod. Sooooo sooooo cool. To change your body in just 30 days is pretty unbelievable. And to see everyone loving how they feel and wanting to stick with eating paleo is music to my ears. CrossFit Broadway, you’re amazing. So incredibly proud of all of you!
I cut myself using a mandoline. Then got orange juices in it. I hate how slowly my brain works at times. Especially when knives are involved.
I haven’t eaten chocolate in almost a week. I haven’t even missed it. What’s that about? I thought I would dream about it. I did make sticky apples bars though. Guess you’ll have to check back next week for that recipe. BOOM.
I spent a lot of time with my roommates. They are both so amazing. And single. A house of 3 single ladies. How much fun is that?! OMGfun.

dancin, Dancin, DANCIN. good thing that shirt was see through. waaaay to be classy JB.

Guess what today is?! One of my best friend’s bday!! My lovely Sarah is 25 today and looking adorable as ever. Sarah may love food as much as I do so obviously, we have a deep connection. Tonight we will be celebrating with hopefully some dancing. Want to see us before the Ke$ha concert last year? That included a lot of dancing. And looking much messier than this picture portrays.

dammmmn hoe dresses for a Ke$ha concert. now that's classy. we were a year younger. so naive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!!

Thanks for reading this over the top random post! kthanksbye.

Honey Ginger Apple Shredded Pork

juli — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 04:20:30 +0000

You know when you’re in your car, driving away, listening to tunes, dancing (if you’re cool) and you start picking your nose, thinking for some reason no one can see you? No? I’m alone. Cool. I’m good at being the lone ranger. I do wonder how many people have seen me pick my nose though. Probably an alarming amount. But I’m really good with humiliation…obviously. I do it daily. Might as well do it in front of the public eye rather than just via blog posts. I won’t pick my nose in my cooking videos though, hopefully. My mother would literally stab me. Kidding.

My white bath mat has turned blue. I’m not sure what situation he got himself into to make himself change colors, but I’m angered with him because of it. Ok, it was actually my fault. I washed him with my darks. Why am I acting like my bath mat is a human being? God I’m weird.

Guess what Steph, Laura and I just got? Meaning guess what Steph just bought? A mini disco ball. For our living room. YEP. THAT’S RIGHT. We are going to have a legit dance part in our house. Sh*t is going to get wild. Meaning I’m going to be the DD and dance like a fool first in our living then on the dance floor at some random bar. You know when you’re at a bar and you see a girl dancing like a fool and you say “Wow, that girl is hammered”…yeah, I’m totally the girl you are talking about. But I’m not hammered. I just left my dignity at home with the disco ball.

Has pork ever made you feel drunk? This pork kind of made me feel a bit drunk. Maybe it was the two Americanos I had before I ate that made me talk a million words a second (exhibit A: the three paragraphs above) or the fact I just made love to some Coconut Creme Concentrate, either way, this pork was delicious. I freaking love ginger. I seriously only want to go to sushi get the ginger on the side of the plate. I hate sushi. I always tried to like it because it made me feel cool and mature, but when I eat it I feel like I’m going to crumble over and die. At least I can still eat ginger at sushi restaurants and have a really fresh palate. Fresh palates are cool.

Honey Ginger Apple Shredded Pork

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 8 hours

Total time: 8 hours 5 mins

Serves: 6-8

Ingredients

2lb pork shoulder roast (or any other roast you prefer)
1 yellow onion, sliced
2 apples, cored and sliced
2/3 cup beef or chicken broth OR water
1 tablespoon raw honey
2 tablespoons freshly grated ginger (use ground ginger if you don’t have fresh on hand)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
1 bay leaf

Instructions

Pull out your crockpot.
Add your broth or water, then onions, then pork, then apples then all your spices/garlic clove/and bay leaf.
Cover.
Cook for 8-10 hours on low or 6-8 hours on high.
Use tongs or a fork to shred your pork.
Consume. Warning: food may be hot.

Coffee Marinated Steak Fajitas

juli — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 02:39:27 +0000

Dear butt,

You are being a pain in the ass. That was a dumb pun, but seriously. I treat you well, I work you out, I dance like a fool on camera, and all you do is ache. I literally poke you out behind me in hopes of getting at least a glance in my direction…and what do you do…you.just.ache. I even sit on a lacrosse ball for you. I’m so kind. You are selfish, butt. SELFISH. Stop aching. I got sh*t to do. That was a gross pun. For reals though, I gotta squat. Like every day. Get your act together ass.

Yours forever, JB.

You like my letter? This blog is my journal for gosh sakes, I thought I needed to include those feelings. I’m annoyed by injuries. They are dumb. Especially when you injure your ass. Do you know how many muscles are attached to your ass? My lord, a lot. Squatting to the toilet is painful. So, soon I will have to write a letter to my lacrosse balls, thanking him for being so kind to my butt. Yep, it’s a him. For sure.

Anywho, I recently asked my Twitter and Facebook followers to send me pics of them in their PaleOMG shirts. Sooo cool to see people sporting them! And I got a couple people who actually responded…because they’re badasses. If any of you have pics of you sporting your PaleOMG shirts in a bar (because that’s what you all should be wearing, obviously) or at your CrossFit gym, or at home with the kids, or robbing a bank, send them to me!! I was kidding about the bank, I do not support foul behavior, except when it comes to chocolate.

Look at them go!

Laura killing "Running Fran" When I grow up, I want her arms :) keep killing competitions Laura!

Mary and Tracey of 573Fitness! Absolutely gorgeous you badass ladies you!

Where is Nick from? Not sure. BUT he felt left out when girls had PaleOMG shirts on so he photoshopped. Don't u think he should get his own tank!? Stud.

By the way, this recipe was deeeelish. I love steak. I love coffee. Why wouldn’t I combine the two?! Sooo good. And it wouldn’t be near as tasty without Chameleon Cold Brew Coffee. It has made my life complete. Check them out! Until February 26th, if you use promo code ‘PaleOMG’ you get 25% off your order!! Don’t miss out!

Coffee Marinated Steak Fajitas

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 15 mins

Total time: 25 mins

Serves: 4

Ingredients

For the marinade
1.5 cups Chameleon Cold Brew Coffee
1 tablespoon Coconut Aminos
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
For the rub
2 tablespoons of your favorite ground coffee
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
salt and pepper, to taste
For the fajitas
1lb Yampa Valey Grass Fed Sirloin Steak
1 red onion, sliced
1 poblano pepper, sliced julienne style
1 yellow bell pepper, sliced julienne style
1 orange bell pepper, sliced julienne style
2 tablespoons fat (I used bacon fat)
Juice of 2 limes
Juice of 1/2 lemon

Instructions

You should marinate overnight. If you can’t do that, at least marinate for a couple hours. Just throw all the marinating ingredients into a big plastic baggy along with your sirloin steak and throw it in the fridge to marinade all night long. A plastic bag full of happiness.
Once your steak is done marinating, place your rub seasonings on a plate, pull your steaks out of the marinade, and cover the steaks on both sides with the rub.
Heat up a skillet with 1 tablespoon of fat (I used bacon fat) and when the skillet is super hot, add your sirloin steak to it. Mine was pretty thick so I could it on both sides for about 5 minutes. You only want to flip your steak once because you don’t want to overcook it! So don’t touch it a ton. It’ll do the work.
While your steak is cooking, heat up another skillet with another tablespoon of fat and add your onions, poblano pepper, and bell peppers.
Let your veggies cook down, stirring randomly to make sure they do not burn.
Once your sirloin steaks are done cooking, pull them on the stovetop on let sit for about 5 minutes. There are a ton of juices in there and you don’t want them to juice out! Let the meat rest!!
When you meat has rested, thinly slice the steak and throw in your pan with your fully cooked veggies. Squeeze the lime and lemon on top! You just want to incorporate some of the steak juices and flavors so it shouldn’t be for on the stop for more than 20 seconds. If it’s longer, the meat may get too cooked and be tough.
Salt and pepper the fajitas and serve with a side of guac or sliced avocado!

Sundried Tomato Pesto Pasta

juli — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 06:16:54 +0000

‘Drive’ is officially the worst movie I have ever seen. Like, wtf. Laura and I rented it to have a girls night with our other roomie Steph, and thought that Ryan Gosling would be a wonderful choice to watch. Well, he was definitely attractive as usual, but holy sh*t….you keep waiting for something to happen in the movie…and after many MANY awkward silences, people start getting their heads blown off. Forks end up in eyeballs. And knives are used a lot on people’s bodies. It was just too much. No story line, just blood and guts. I can’t believe people actually got paid to say 4 words in that movie. I think I might have had nightmares. Pretty sure I did. Especially since my bed was wet when I woke up….kidding. I haven’t wet the bed since….college. Ew. That was gross of me.

Guess what’s coming up soon?! The CrossFit Open! I’m not crazy excited yet. I don’t usually get excited about competitions until the day of and since it’s 5 weeks long, it makes it a lil tough to get excited about. But I did get a lil more excited the other day when my friend Erica posted a video she recorded of me and then it was posted on the CrossFit Southwest Region facebook page. Her website her awesome, all about empowering women. Who wouldn’t love that! Women are great.

Wanna see the cutest thing on the entire planet? Check it. Weener dogs should rule the world.

So this recipe turned out delish, even the non paleo eating friends thought so! It’s pretty intense in the flavor department so you don’t need too much of it. A little goes a long way. And look what I did…I made another cooking video!! Sorry it’s long ways. Just getting used to a new camera. Really, I’m lucky it even recorded. Laura and I had no idea what we were doing with that mini camcorder. I only say ‘um’ and ‘so’ like 46 times in this video. Much better than the 47 times in the first video. GETTING BETTER EVERY TIME!

Sundried Tomato Pesto Pasta

4.8 from 5 reviews

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 15 mins

Total time: 25 mins

Serves: 4-5

Ingredients

For the Pesto
3 oz sundried tomatoes
1 cup walnuts
1-1.5 cup olive oil
1/2 cup basil leaves
juice of 1 lemon
2 garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
For the pasta
3 zucchini, julienne cut or sliced into fettuccine noodles
1 bundle of asparagus
1lb chicken, diced
1/3 cup chicken broth or water
2-4 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon dried tarragon
1 teaspoon dried thyme
salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

Place your sundried tomatoes in a bowl with 1-2 cups of water or until the sundried tomatoes are covered to soften.
Now heat up a medium sized skillet under medium heat with 1-2 tablespoons olive oil and throw in your diced chicken to begin to cook down, tossing the chicken randomly to help cook on all sides.
Add your basil, tarragon, and thyme to the chicken.
Once your sundried tomatoes are soft, pull out your food processor, place sundried tomatoes along with your walnuts and puree. Then add the rest of the pesto ingredients and slowly pour in the olive oil in while it’s turned on so you can see how much olive oil you will really need. Add until you find your preferred consistency.
Now heat up a large skillet under medium heat with 1-2 tablespoons olive oil and toss in your zucchini noodles and asparagus.
Add your chicken broth or water to the noodles and asparagus to help cook the noodles down.
After about 3-5 minutes, add your sundried tomato pesto to the zucchini noodles along with the chicken.
Cover and let cook for 3-5 minutes.
Serve with some leftover sundried tomatoes on top!
Consume!!

Simple Blueberry Muffins

juli — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 04:20:33 +0000

It’s official. Chocolate and I have broken off our long term relationship. We’ve had a bumpy one. A really messy one you could say. Love-Hate. We break up then get back together in a very passionate way. Make up sex style. I’m disappointed in myself for just saying that. Not really. But for reals, it’s over this time. For at least 5 weeks. Jason bet me $3 that I couldn’t resist chocolate for 5 weeks, until after the CrossFit Open, so I must prove him wrong. He will be wrong.

Wanna know what I did this Saturday night? It was pretty epic so get ready. I ate dinner with my parents and uncle, we cooked fajitas, then talked about child birth because my uncle just had a kid, I mostly talked about how gross it is, then I went home. Don’t worry, this is where sh*t gets real. I dyed my hair (because my natural color is blonde so I have to dye it every 2 weeks) then put on a yeast face mask and watched youtube videos. Yep. I sat on my couch with my glossy hair slicked back, a face mask hardening my skin that smelled like rising bread, in a huge baggy sweatshirt and shorts with a hole in the butt cheek. What am I doing with my life.

Oh wait, I also made a dessert that failed. Wish you could understand the smells that filled my house that fine Saturday night. I’m pretty sure I was high. High school all over again. Kidding. Slightly.

I also cried during a muscle up wod. I had 20 to do and finished 19, failed 6x on the 20th one, tore my hands, then cried in disappointment. I also kicked the wall and said ‘f*ck you’ loudly. Real mature Juli, real mature. I hate you muscle ups. I.HATE.YOU.

What’s up with people wearing track suits? So weird.

Ryan Gosling is adorable. I wish he would take me on a date that included him falling in love with me. And smiling at me. A lot. It’s not that much to ask people.

Simple Blueberry Muffins

5.0 from 6 reviews

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 20 mins

Total time: 25 mins

Serves: 8-10

Ingredients

1 cup almond butter
1 cup almond meal/almond flour
3 eggs, whisked
1/2 cup Raw Honey
1/3 cup Unsweetended Shredded Coconut
1/3 cup Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil, melted
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
pinch of cinnamon
1/2 cup fresh blueberries

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. If you’re good at baking, you’ll know to mix the dry then the wet ingredients then mix together, but I do all the ingredients together and it works out just fine.
Place ingredients into 8-10 silicone muffin cups in a muffin tin. Or you can use muffin tin paper liners.
Bake for 15-20 minutes. Just keep an eye on it, they will puff up and look adorable.
Eat them and be happy. And merry.

OMG, that's adorable

JB’s Blog Addictions of the Week

juli — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 04:20:20 +0000

I broke a mirror yesterday. It fell on the floor and legit shattered. Bad luck for 7 years? Maybe. I’m not really happy about that though so I’m acting like it’s not true. Even though I still believe that karma is true. I’ve got to believe in it when I’m dealing with aholes like Vday guy, right? Right.

I ate chicken with a side of apple pie nachos for breakfast this morning. Less of the chicken, more of the apple pie nachos. That’s because they feed my soul. And taste better than chicken. I was happy as a clam.

Valentine’s Day just kind of ruined my diet this week. I didn’t even have a bro buying me chocolate, but it still ended up in my house. Probably because I used my own cold earned cash to buy it. And I also have sh*tty girlfriends like Sarah and Sam who fuel the fire. Sam, who lives in Charleston, sent me chocolate covered almonds and deodorant for Vday. AND a freaking weener dog card. Dear God I love her. And Sarah made me these “paleo” truffles with coconut and chocolate chips. I ate so many I thought I might throw up. I think I have a problem. It’s called an addiction. I’m going cold turkey people. F*ck chocolate. I don’t need you.

My lord, paleo nazis hate me right now. I’m like the anti christ, eatin chocolate like a boss.

So other than my chocolate addiction, I wasn’t addicted to a whole lot of new things. Other than thinking about what I’m going to cook for my next cooking video. I LOVED making a cooking video. Even though I was an awkward turtle for most of it, I loved it. It was exactly who I am….an awkward turtle, so I guess there was really nothing wrong with the video. But I’m hoping to make a more complicated meal this weekend and make it shorter so you don’t have to watch me ramble on for 12 minutes. No one should have to watch me talk for 12 minutes. No one.

But anyways, I have been addicted to other people’s blogs lately. I LOVE food blogs. Paleo or non paleo. They are just so cool to look at and see what great minds are coming up with. So I thought I would share my favorite blogs out there so you can see all there is to offer in the online food world.

George from the Civilized Caveman. This man knows how to freaking cook. Whoever his girlfriend may be is one haaaapy woman because he not only makes blueberry ribs but makes stupid delicious desserts to go along side. AND, he’s like the nicest human being around. Not even kidding you. He sent me 6 bags of chocolate chips once because I mentioned how much I was craving them. He’s a kind soul. I adore him. Check his blog out.
Heather from MultiplyDelicious. Not only is this women ridiculously gorgeous AND have a ridiculously gorgeous family to go with it, but she is ingenious when it comes to cooking and all things food. And crafts. And really anything. She’s awesome, obviously. I LOVE checking out her blog, her photography is spot on!! Thanks for being awesome Heather!
Megan and Brandon from Health-Bent. I usually hate couples, especially good looking CrossFit ones (mostly because I envy them so much) but this couple is just too awesome to hate. Not only are they wicked cool people, but they are incredibly intelligent as well. Reading their viewpoints on paleo is some of my favorite stuff out there. AND they have HANDS DOWN, some of the best paleo recipes out there. I’m not even kidding you. They don’t EVER post something that isn’t going to light up your life and make you wish you lived on a food porn set. Plus, they have a super cool website. And photos. I love them. Did I already say that? Whatever.
Jess at Girl Walks into a Bar(bell). I’ve never chatted with her nor have I met her, but I have a total girl crush on her. She has a pretty damn sweet website, not a ton of paleo recipes, but just awesome CrossFit and other health related stuff. I mainly like looking at her pictures. She looks like a badass chick. If I had that bod, I’d invest in a better camera and take more pics of myself working out. Truth. Check out her website. She’s a badass CrossFit chick and who doesn’t like looking at those ladies!?
Finn and Greg of Modern Paleo Warfare. Why the eff I’ve never met these guys, I’ll never know. Probably because they don’t live here, nor do they know I stalk their blog. But I’m pretty sure we come from the same womb, which would actually suck because I hope to someday fall in love with one of them. Pretty sure they are married. Idiots. But not only do they make food porn to die for, they also make cooking videos with music. WITH WICKED GOOD MUSIC PEOPLE. I love them. And they cuss a lot. I like people like that.
Jessica from How Sweet It Is is my soul mate. Plain and simple. I’m sure 10,000+ other women say that daily, but holy balls this woman is HILARIOUS. It’s ridiculous. And she loves sweets as much as I do. And her pictures as some of the best food porn I’ve seen. Read her stuff. It’s epic. You may never want to eat paleo again after seeing her recipes, but whatever. It’d be worth it.

That’s all I got for ya right now.

I finished the chocolate almonds. Now I’ve cleaned my hands of all chocolate. Never turning back. You don’t control me chocolate.

Date and Shallot Rosemary Chicken

juli — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:11:35 +0000

So Laura and I went out the other night with a bunch of girls. A girls night, if you must. We needed to dance. You know, do the usual Friday night cliche act. Get hammered, dance like idiots, sometimes on bars, then stumble our way to a cab and hope we still have our credit card on hand. Well, none of that happened. I was the DD. And none of my friends are that much of a mess. That was a lie.

It was at least fun. I got to watch drunk people try to dance and try to creep. Never a bad thing to witness. Dudes trying to dance on girls is hilarious. Hip thrusting is never sexy. But I guess drunk b*tches don’t know the difference between dancing and humping. So hump on, drunk men and women. Hump on. You entertain me while sober at the bar.

I ended the night by leaving early and eating a couple almond butter stuffed dates. It was stupid delicious. That’s my kind of late night drunk eating. Minus the being drunk part.

I successfully finished a wod today with muscle ups, without even shedding a tear. NBD. No, it’s actually a big deal. As soon as Jason told me I would be doing a wod with muscle ups in it, my heart sank. Doing muscle ups is heart breaking to me. Legit heart breaking. It must have been my PaleOMG black tank that pushed me through the wod. Must have been. Did you know you can buy these sweet ass tanks?! YES YOU CAN!! Just click that link!

My tennis shoes smell so inappropriate.

Date and Shallot Rosemary Chicken

5.0 from 1 reviews

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 25 mins

Total time: 30 mins

Serves: 4

Ingredients

4 large chicken breasts
2 large shallots, peeled and thinly sliced
5-7 medjool dates, pitted and diced
3 large sprigs of fresh rosemary
2-3 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Pull out a large glass baking dish and place chicken in it.
Top chicken off with your sliced shallots and dates.
Now pull the rosemary off one of the sprigs and toss over the chicken, then place the remaining 2 rosemary sprigs around the chicken.
Finish the chicken off by pouring over olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and apple cider vinegar and topping it off with salt and pepper.
Bake for 25-30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. No pink please.
Consume.

Pistachio Pesto Chicken Pasta

juli — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:22:55 +0000

Valentine’s Day was pretty great. I got to do a wod that crushed my soul. Then I went to my esthetician to get my face worked on since I knew I was definitely not going to be around any men on Vday. Gotta love paying $150 for 3 hours of pure torture. It makes sense. Well it kinda does since my face looks better than it ever has. Not great, but better. F
Effing acne. YOU ARE SO INCONVENIENT AND STUPID.

Anywho, I then proceeded on to eat stupid amounts of chocolate, no seriously, stupid amounts. My girlfriend Sarah made Laura and I paleo truffles. I slightly hate her for that. There were 5 huge ones and they are all gone now. Laura has 4 left. Hence our body composition difference. F*ckin chocolate. You make me feel so ashamed at times.

Then we got to watch Twilight Breaking Dawn. I love Twilight. Seriously though. I read all the books. It’s seriously so addicting. At any age. Oh don’t worry bros, I can’t hear you right now, talking sh*t about how dumb Twilight is. How Vampire and Werewolves are stupid mythical creatures. But you guys like sports. And sports are dumb. So suck it.

But us women like Twilight because it gives us hope that there is a man out there who will adore us as much as Edward and Jacob adore Bella. Is that too much to ask?? Sh*t no it’s not. A man who literally cannot take his eyes of us. A man who will do anything just to be around us. Now that’s wiiiiiiicked cool.

How many people do you think got engaged on Vday? So cliche.

I’ve figured something out. Doing laundry sucks ass. Like pretty bad. You know why? Because all my clothes are lululemon spandex and CrossFit shirts. And what in the f*ck would I do if any of those things shrunk?! I can barely pull my spandex over my ass without hearing the threads tear in my lulus…so if they shrunk….jesus. So I literally have to hang dry 93% of my clothes. That’s a lot of time spent in my basement with hangers, creepy lighting, and cold cement floors. I hate having cold feet. And lighting that emphasizes my flaws. I wish mood lighting traveled with me everywhere I went.

Pistachio Pesto Chicken Pasta

4.8 from 6 reviews

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 20 mins

Total time: 40 mins

Serves: 3-4

Ingredients

1 medium spaghetti squash, halved, seeds and excess threads removed
1/2-2/3lbs chicken, sliced or cubed
1 cup pistachios, unsalted and shelled
1-1 1/2 cup basil leaves
2 garlic cloves
1/2-1 cup olive oil
juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste
handful of sundried tomatoes, sliced, to garnish

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
Cut your spaghetti squash in half, lengthwise, use a spoon to scoop out the excess seeds and place open side down on a baking sheet and cook for 20-25 minutes or until spaghetti squash is soft to the touch.
While your spaghetti squash cooks, put your pistachios in a food processor and pulse.
Then add your garlic cloves and basil and turn food processor on.
While food processor is still on, add your olive oil slowly until your pesto becomes your preference of “thickness” and then add your lemon juice.
Now heat up a large skillet under medium heat with a couple tablespoons of olive oil in it. Add your chicken to the skillet along with some salt and pepper and cook chicken on both sides until almost cooked through, then add your pesto to the pan.
Coat chicken in pesto.
When your spaghetti squash is done cooking and has cooled a bit, use a fork to pull the threads out of the spaghetti squash and place directly into your pesto and chicken pan.
Combine all together.
Add to a bowl, top with some leftover chopped pistachios and sundried tomatoes!
Consume!

A Valentine’s Day Story

juli — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 05:04:15 +0000

Disclaimer: This is not a happy-go-lucky Valentine’s Day story. It’s me calling a douche bag out.

It is Valentine’s Day. Oh yes it is. A day that was pulled out of someone’s ass, most likely a person in love, to make the economy thrive for only but a day, strictly based on the purchases of flowers alone. It’s a day created around jewelry, roses, candy, sex, lust, lingerie, dinners, desserts..blah blah blah. A day that some look forward to so much while others are in absolute fear of it. I must take the latter. But that’s because I’m single and have no dinner date on my horizon. I’ve replaced love with a barbell. So much easier to deal with than a boyfriend.

Instead I will be watching Twilight Breaking Dawn with my roomies tonight on this cold Valentine’s Day. It’s always nice living with other single girls. Then we can b*tch about men…or our lack of, talk about how being single is so awesome, all while consuming too much chocolate. In the reality of things, we will actually be yearning for a make out session from a guy who just took us out to dinner, wishing that someone had sent us a Valentine, while actually just harboring our depression through eating copious amounts of dark chocolate walnuts. Ok, let’s be real, I’m talking about myself.

Ok, I’m being a bit over the top. Let’s just jump to the story because it’s a beauty.

So around this time last year, I was dating a Max M. He seemed like the perfect guy. We would go out to lunch almost every day, he would take me to fancy dinners, we would workout on Sundays then run to brunch downtown…everything I thought I wanted in a guy, he was it. He called me his girlfriend, told me he was falling for me, and said I was the perfect girl for him. Ha, what a f*ck.

On Valentine’s Day last year, he told me he had to take a business trip to Arizona. He said he was always having to travel for work and since he works for a big, well known company, I never thought anything of it. So when he got back from his “1.5 day trip to Arizona” we went out to a great dinner on Feb. 15th at the incredibly delicious d Bar. I was happy as ever. I mean, I did get to have bacon wrapped dates at dinner. Why wouldn’t I be happy?

Well, I stuck around with this guy until about April. He called me his girlfriend (even to one of his ex girlfriends), met my dad, I met his brother…all the jazz that goes along with a relationship, but I started to feel weird about things. He would show up to things 1-2 hours late, tell me we were going to do something then cancel last minute…so I ended it. He made me feel insecure about myself and I couldn’t figure out why. So I just broke it off with him. Anyone who makes you feel insecure about youself is a f*ck tard. Plain and simple.

This is where the fun starts, though. Through the wonderful world of social media, I received a friend request from a girl on Facebook that had her profile picture with the one and only Max M. I wrote her, telling her I wasn’t sure why Max’s new girlfriend was adding me on FB, but I didn’t want to accept her for that reason, nothing against her. Well, turns out she had been Max M.’s girlfriend for the past 9 months. You do the math.

So this grown man had been buying gifts for 2 women, talking on the phone daily to 2 women, texting 2 women, emailing 2 women, all while telling both of us he could see himself marrying us one day. Well Max M., I’m not sure where you were raised, but you’re not allowed to marry 2 women in the state of Colorado. Weird, I know. But it’s the truth.

So this dude would hang out with me on his lunch hour or work out with me at night, then go home to his actual girlfriend. He would take her on vacations while he told me he was either leaving for business or going somewhere with his family, all while keeping me on the side with me knowing NOTHING. What a tool. This guy thought he was God. Straight up. Thought he could have his cake and eat it to.

Well that’s a long story, I know. But that’s not even half the sh*t I found out about the tool. Wicked cool story if you ask me. I felt like I was in a daytime drama. Without as good of looking people…meaning him.

The moral of the story is…if you are celebrating Valentine’s Day with an amazing person this evening, cherish it. Be proud to be with someone who cares enough about you to play along with the bullsh*t of Valentine’s Day. Whether that means they wrote you a card, sent you flowers, or just told you they loved you, you mean something to them. Tonight, I will not be thinking of a bro, especially if he says he has a business trip. Instead I will be spending it with the people I love. My best friend Laura and my girlfriend Steph. Chocolate in tow. Twilight on the tube, making me wish I knew a vampire.

Embrace the single life. Embrace the barbell. Embrace the chocolate.

That should be my new slogan. Kthanksforreadingbye.

On-The-Go Egg Bites….And a Cooking Video!

juli — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 15:14:37 +0000

I know what you’re thinking…REAL ORIGINAL JULI…and you’re right. This recipe isn’t a original. Really almost any paleo blog you look at out there, you can find some kind of egg muffin/egg cupcake/egg round, but that’s because it’s simple. And that’s what people like. Simple sh*t. Most people don’t like to spend hours in the kitchen, they’d rather be flirting with men at Whole Foods. That’s just me actually. Whatever. I’ve never even talked to a man at Whole Foods. I have hopes of that occurring though. Someday…someday.

Guess what I got this weekend!?!? PaleOMG Black Tanks!!!! Yes I did! Check out the link to buy your own from Renegade Fitness!! We will be getting something even cooler in soon! Just you wait!

no one will even know you did burpees in your PaleOMG shirt!

Anywho, even though this recipe is a bit dumb, it’s still super special to me. You know why?!? Because it was the first video I made of myself cooking!! So exciting! I’m not really good with being on camera. But I tried. I talked about a lot of random sh*t…but that’s what I do in my blog posts so I guess it makes sense. If you think I look stupid in the video…you’re correct. Special thanks to Tom who helped me edit this video and spent hours putting up with me and to Laura (the roomie) for recording me on a Saturday afternoon. She’s pretty damn awesome. And btw, the cooking video is on my YouTube station which has all my wod videos I had to turn in when I did the AgainFaster Wod Series. Some embarrassing. Ignore those. My b.

On-The-Go Egg Bites

5.0 from 6 reviews

Prep time: 15 mins

Cook time: 15 mins

Total time: 30 mins

Serves: 6

Ingredients

1lb ground pork mild italian sausage
12 eggs, beaten (if preferred)
1-2 narrow sweet potatoes, sliced
salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Add your ground pork to a large skillet over medium heat. Use a spatula to break it up into crumbly pieces
While the pork is cooking, slice your sweet potatoes a little bit thicker than a chip would be…I’d say the thickness of 2 quarters stacked together. Real technical. Then beat your eggs (unless you are going to crack them directly into the egg cups).
Once the meat is cooked through and there is no pink remaining, transfer that to a plate (a slotted spoon will be best because it will keep the leftover fat in it, but just pouring it works as well).
Now add your sliced sweet potatoes to the pan with the leftover fat and turn the burner on high.
Cook for about 5 minutes per side, depending how thick they are but you want them to be soft so they will cook through fully when they are in the oven.
Now place a cooked sweet potato slice into your muffin tin, top it with a little ground pork, then another slice of slice potato and top it all off with some beaten eggs or crack an egg into it, it will bind it all together!
Cook for about 10-15 min or until nothing oozy is moving around in the tins when you check them.
Let cool, top with hot sauce!!

Notes

I got about 13 cups made with these ingredients!