Pampers and Pinot

On Crude Humor and Judging Other Parents

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:40:49 PST

I got to watch a movie – a real rated-R adult movie with no animation or singing by chipmunks! I had to watch said movie in three parts.

First during naptime, but then it was interrupted half-way through when my son was discovered awake, wandering the upstairs.

Then, I watched a little of it after work in my office because I refuse to return it to the damn Redbox unwatched. This is the second time I have rented this particular movie from a Redbox. The first time, I never got to see any of it before I returned it.

Renting a movie is a crap shoot. In our house, you never know if you’re going to get to watch it. I finally finished the movie while watching on my laptop at home with ear buds in my ears. But, hot damn, I finished it!

It was The Change-Up, and it was insanely, inappropriately hilarious! Have you seen it? Do you love crude humor as much as I do?

I was extremely grateful for all of the true and hearty LOLs it gave me.

There is this one line about parenting from the movie, and it goes something like this:

“If your children are ever misbehaving, they must be tired or hungry. If other people’s children are misbehaving, it’s because of negligent parenting or an inherent character flaw in the child.”

Ha! Isn’t it true how people tend to jump to those kind of judgments when it is not their own children? Of course, I find myself to be a highly-evolved and open-minded person and always try to reserve judgment in these cases – “Oh, I just feel sorry for the mom…” But, even I can admit that these thoughts have flashed in my mind sometimes.

What do you think of the quote from the movie? How often are you able to watch movies? Is it a god-forsaken miracle if you can ever watch an adult movie in one sitting and without falling asleep?

I'm Easy Like Sunday Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:08:52 PST

I am so very grateful for the positive reactions to my novel excerpt last week. Glen, in particular, from Glen's Life wrote a most heartfelt comment, and I cannot tell you how much it meant to me! Here is what he said:

"Nearly three years of blogging, it has become clear to me that any idiot can blog.

Anyone can say - 'Hey guess what my kids today?'

Within that there is never any real obvious link between writing talent and success. Some people do well because they can write, others because they are funny, and others for no obvious reason that I can see at all. While others can write amazingly well but don't get anywhere.

While being a blogger is relatively easy, writing actual fiction - now that is hard.
Writing actual fiction well?

What you have done there is shown the difference between blogging and writing.
You are good.
Very.
Finish that book."

Thank you, Glen! If you have not done so already, pop over to Glen's site as he is a disarmingly funny bloke in the UK who also enjoys sharing some carefully crafted fiction.

................

Now, I will simply post about what my kid did this weekend! Because I like to take it easy like Sunday morning sometimes. One cannot be brilliant every day, for crying out loud.

................

Parker had finished in the bathroom. "Daddy! Come look at my poop! It looks like a chicken!"

I could not resist. I had to look. It looked like a chicken! It did! It was a little piece of poop that was kind of shaped like a chicken.

I know. You are probably horrified right now, but you'll be ok.

.................

In the downstairs bathroom, I saw a bunch of stickers floating in the toilet.

"Parker!" I yelled. "Why are there stickers in the toilet?"

Instead of answering, Parker just sighed and said, "Ah, call a plumber then."

.................

And now, I give you a picture of the most precious thing that Parker gave me on Friday. A pet rock.

Is this not totally adorable?

Have a good week, everyone!

What if God was one of us?

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 16:06:49 PST

“You still seem so…numb.”

“Well, maybe it’s the medication, doc. I don’t really understand how I’m supposed to ‘fix’ my head when I’m taking all the shit you give out here.”

“Excellent, a little hostility. Perhaps we’re starting to feel something?”

“Isn’t it a little unproductive to use sarcasm with your patient, doctor?”

They sat there looking at each other with polite smiles.

“Listen, Kate. I’m not trying to bullshit you. I’m just saying that you’re here for a reason. Let’s not waste our time.”

“Fine, then. I’ll try to be a little more exciting. For the sake of progress.”

The doctor only gestured. Begin, her hand invited.

Kate sighed. “Well, if you can't tell, I’m a little angry. I don’t see the point in anything. I fucking trust no one, and when I’m really at my worst? I think, I should be dead, and Marisa should be here. As if it couldn’t get any worse, I remember, why would I want Marisa to suffer through any more shit? Maybe I should just join her.”

The doctor held Kate’s eyes for a moment. “I can’t imagine the pain you’ve gone through. I simply want you to have hope that hope exists. I don’t expect you to have that right now. I expect you to believe that others have that hope for you. That is all. And I hope it is enough.”

Kate had been ready to retort, to build one more layer of brick through the wall of anger she had created, but something about the words the doctor had chosen caused her to pause.

What was it that Marisa had always said? We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Kate thought of that then.

The doctor smiled, seeing the shift on Kate’s face. “I think I’d like you to think about that for today.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kate.”

“See ya, doc.”

Kate walked out into the hall toward the common area, unsure of what she wanted to do, unsure of what she felt. Then a soft melody coming from the TV pierced straight through her and unleashed a torrent of memories.

A female singer was plainly singing to the screen, soulful and pure. What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us? Just a stranger all of us trying to make our way home.

Kate walked quickly to her room, shut the door and stood on the other side. The sobs came fast and hard. The bricks fell fast and hard. The wall she so carefully kept was crumbling all around her as she slid to the floor and gave in to the grief.

.....................................

The Red Writing Hood prompt at Write on Edge this week was to write a story in which your character is inspired by music.

I have chosen to write a new scene for my book and share it here. I have written of Kate and Marisa previously here.

Teaser Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:57:10 PST

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Tom Robbins and the way he plays with words. He is one I can read and re-read. I have been enjoying (again) his Still Life with Woodpecker. It's on my Kindle, and here is the first sentence of the book in his prologue:

"If this typewriter can't do it, then fuck it, it can't be done."

If that doesn't draw you in, then I don't know what would. Because I cannot "randomly" open a page on my Kindle, I have selected one of my highlights from the book to give you more (yes, it is more than a sentence, dammit):

"Leigh-Cheri sent that message to Bernard through his attorney. The message continued, 'I'm not quite twenty, but, thanks to you, I've learned something that many women these days never learn: Prince Charming really is a toad. And the Beautiful Princess has halitosis. The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and the vile can be transformed and e doing that makes it that. Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love. Wouldn't that be the way to make love stay?'

The next day, Bernard's attorney delivered to her this reply:

'Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words, "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has not strings attached. I love you for free.'

Leigh-Cheri went out in the blackberries and wept. 'I'll follow him to the ends of the earth,' she sobbed.

Yes, darling. But the earth doesn't have any ends. Columbus fixed that."

credit

Some outstanding Tom Robbins titles - he's not just known for Even Cowgirls Get the Blues - but you could read that too.

Silly, Just Plain Silly

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy) — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:12:15 PST

First, something I saw, and I liked it.

Now, let's laugh!

Pampers and Pinot

On Crude Humor and Judging Other Parents

I'm Easy Like Sunday Morning

What if God was one of us?

Teaser Tuesday

Silly, Just Plain Silly

Horror Story

Make the Bread, Buy the Butter, and Keep the Goat on the Farm

Sunday Stealing Part 3, Drinky Poo Edition

Stop Thinking so Much (for crying out loud)

Sunday Stealing Part 2 ("Tell me more, did you get very far?")

Thank God for Wordless Wednesday

Sunday Stealing

Quilt Skillz

Wordless Wednesday Winter

Our Christmas Story, Part 2 (Put this in your pipe and smoke it.)

Our Christmas Story, Part 1 (“You’ll shoot your eye out!” and other bad decisions are highly probable.)

Let the Christmas Fun Begin!

Song Bird Sunday

The Holidays are Getting Hot

Meet Me on Monday

Fires for Dummies

Just Having Fun

Syndicated Sunday

Five Things

Phantom Poo Poo and other Misadventures