Panda Death Squad

Panda Training Camp

2011-06-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do not be fooled by the human-sounding voices in the background.

This poor man was thrown into the habitat of some captured infant panda's as punishment for stealing a recipe for some tea. Even at a young age their malicious attitudes towards human's show true.

Be warned, this video is not for the young or squeamish.

Haters Gonna Hate.

2011-06-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

After some serious bad-news with people trying to hack my blog, as well as have it banned, I've finally got full control once again!

As for the people (or should I say malicious bears) who carried this out... Well you just wait! I'll get you.

In other news. Beware.

That's right. This infection we all know as the 'Panda' has spread to other countries. I know they hate us here in America... But maybe the Panda threat is something we can all get behind. Perhaps this will be what unites us as human beings.

Of course the Panda's are crafty, and some nut jobs out there will still defend them. But we all know those are the Panda's familiars. (If you're not familiar with what a familiar is... Get familiar with the term familiar. Cause it basically means Panda bitch.)

Good luck fellow Panda Slayers. Stay vigilant.

Post Something!

2010-05-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

Make a comment. Tell me how you found this blog! Or even offer up some Panda News!

We need to show the Panda Threat, we're not afraid. And that we're here to stay.

PDS! GO GO GO!

What Panda's Eat...

2010-04-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

Please my friends and fellow Panda haters. These horrible creatures are hiding a secret. A secret that I've recently discovered.

We know they've always eaten orphans: Read the evidence HERE.

But now I've discovered... They also eat full grown people!

Panda Hell

2010-04-04T00:10:00.001-07:00

Finally we get a glimpse of what hell really looks like. I am scared.

Proposal

2010-04-01T12:13:00.000-07:00

Anyone think maybe we could just kill off the Panda's and name something else Panda? I don't like. Penguins? There are a bajillion types of penguins. Why not call one set Panda's after we eradicate that horrid race of monsters?

It'll make sense. Someday.

Panda Posers

2010-03-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. Why these people buy these masks... Searching for some false alternative. Are they agents of the Panda's? Do they not understand the gravity of our situation!? How these home-destroying cretins have fenangled their way into our lives?!

It's pretty sad that we're slumping that low as humans, to where we want a demonic creatures face more then our own.

But I have faith in my fellow human! Maybe it is so we can infiltrate their ranks...

So my fellow Panda haters. Only purchase such masks with the intent of degrading (Or destroying) the Panda Race!

Panda Mask (Foam) [Toy] [Toy]

Panda's The True Face.

2010-03-30T02:26:00.000-07:00

While I've known their true looks for a while now.

This may shock any of you new to the Panda Conspiracy.

Just Making Sure You're All Safe

2010-03-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

With the Pandageddon so close, I wanted to check in with those of you who check in frequently. Are you okay? If you're reading this, then you are.

If not... Well telling you how to reach me wont really help.

On a side note. Watch out. I heard the Panda's recently allied themselves with Dolphin's. What does that mean for us?

Well that our Tuna is no longer safe. For shame.

South Korean Ship Sinks Near North Korea!

2010-03-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

I heard about this, and I know it might sound scary. That's because it is my fellow Panda Destroyers. It's a ploy by our enemy to try and bring the world to a crushing end. (At least for us humans.)

You see I've received information a Panda by the name of, "Get-Sum" had snuck aboard the ship and sabotaged it.

The images I am about to show you... Are disturbing you've been warned.

Iceland Volcanic Activity... Equals Panda's On Fire?!

2010-03-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I recently read that Iceland is in fact melting (Hahaha there's my pun.) And this leads me to believe I have found a BEAUTIFUL solution to the Pandageddon.

Instead of hunting the beasts one by one. Let's lure them out to Iceland (We can claim it's orphan hunting season there. Those Panda bastards seem to feed largely on Orphans.)

Once we know the majority is there. We get a bulldozer and push them all into the lava.

It's not that great a theory on paper. But I think once executed it'll work on wonderfully. Please refer to the pictures for detail of my master plan.

The Pandageddon...

2010-03-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

To my fellow Panda Haters. This is a warning. The Pandageddon is on it's way. 2012? Bogus. Utter crap. But this... This is real.

Stock pile your supplies, build your bunkers, and move far from any Panda nests. (Remember the zoo's.)

These monsters are just waiting to ambush us all!

Penguins: The Better Black + White Animal

2010-03-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

They've finally done it. The Penguins have actually killed one of their rivals. The well-named "Kill Ling-Ling from the inside out" was a simple plan. Allow the large monster to devour one of their young...

And wait. Days passed but finally the small bird pecked and fluttered it's way to victory. Though this is but a small victory in our conquest against the Panda threat...

It is one the Panda Death Squad will affectionately hold close to the chest.

We finally have an ally friends. And their name is Penguin. The only endangered animal I'd fight for.

Panda's AREN'T NICE

2010-03-22T15:58:00.000-07:00

How long before the masses grasp this idea? Mother Nature wants these hell spawn gone. STOP TRYING TO SAVE THEM. We don't care about the ugly animals, but because of this devilish creature's facade of cute-ness (Note I am NOT saying they're cute.) people want to save them.

As if one day the population could each have a pet Panda. I could hug my dog, I couldn't hug this beast.

Oh and for the record internet sympathizers. These beasts aren't pure herbivores. And even if they were, Bamboo has feelings too.

Word.

Panda's... The Next Flavor Of Anti-Christ

2010-03-20T19:46:00.000-07:00

So I was trying to figure out.

"Why do so many people think them cute?!"

Was it the fur? No. People don't think skunks are cute. Could it be the colors? No. Again people don't think skunks colors are cute. The sunk in eyes? Probably not... Maybe it's the large black circles around them? Doubtful they just serve to hide their soulless eyes!

So what was it? I couldn't figure it out.

But I did find a scary similarity. Baby Panda's look like the baby anti-Christ.

Yeah I said it. I'm brave enough too. If I don't awaken tomorrow... Well. At least you know I got the word out!

Oh and so I can piggy back on this revenue gold mine. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Ya know. Cause if putting those kids on anything sells stuff. Maybe it'll help spread Panda Hate.

We can only hope.

Panda's Infilitrate Forum Flamers

2010-03-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

So I was on hiatus, and after a recent string of posts from what I thought to be a dead topic I'd made... I had to make a resurgence.

It seems that all those pointless flaming competitions on the message boards on the internet... Are now being made by Panda's! (For those of you who don't know, 'Flaming' isn't a drag queen, it's a form of web argument for people afraid to put up their fists in real life... Or paws. Fucking Panda's.)

So Ling-Ling (I know it's you) has infiltrated these forums and he's trying to take eyes away from our strife! He'd have you believe that I'm crazy. That panda's are cute or some other hornswaggle. BUT DO NOT BUY IN! He lies.

I have a picture of him for you all to see.

(Center: Heir-to-the-throne)

We found you out oh random internet guy.. We're not blind to your ploys!

Temporary Hiatus

2010-03-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

Due in large part to the Panda's going into seclusion I am unable to report any current findings. I'll be back with more info when it's available. But for now we must all remain vigilant! It's imperative we keep our eyes peeled. If I have learned anything from these heinous cretins it is this:

They never stop plotting our destruction.

If Only It Were Panda's.

2009-12-08T20:37:00.000-08:00

They're trying to kill off their competition... By dropping Polar Bears out of planes and killing them off... Soon the only animal rights groups will seek to "help" will be the evil panda's... God help us all.

Thanks to a fellow Panda hating enthusiast for the tip. Your diligence helps me keep the world safe friends!

Panda Vampires!

2009-11-30T00:15:00.000-08:00

Now I know what you're thinking. Surely Panda's aren't THAT evil. I mean Vampires take the cake in terms of evil-ness right? (We don't count those sparkly teens vampires in my home thank you!) Well you couldn't be more wrong. At first I assumed they were just evil creatures bent on world domination... I've discovered something far worse.

The Panda's are in fact... Vampires as well. That myth about becoming bats? All lies. Here's a video of them feasting on one another.

Don't worry my sources tell me garlic still scares them off. Sleep lightly my friends.

Panda's... Do They K.I.S.S.?

2009-11-24T16:33:00.000-08:00

While browsing about for the next stop on the latest K.I.S.S. tour I came across some startling images... I am of course sharing these with my fellow comrades so your eyes may be further opened to the Panda Debauchery.

Please be warned. What you are about to see, may startle you.

There you have it... The Panda's have not only infiltrated our food network, our politics... But also one of our prized good ol' fashion rock bands.

Might this be a publicity stunt? Or some form of trickery to cause us to lower our guard amongst their kind?

I doubt it. These creatures merely want us to be their slaves.

I can only dread the day when Beijing Rock City becomes the newest Panda K.I.S.S. song.

I Was Kidnapped, By The Panda's.

2009-11-18T03:18:00.000-08:00

So yes I know it has been a long while since a solid post has been let free! And for that I am sorry.

My current battles with those horrible creatures has taken a slight turn for the worst! For several weeks I have been kidnapped by them! (Arguably alcohol may have altered my state of mind. But that is very very unlikely.)

They'd pulled a trick so clever and cruel at the same time. Allow me to impart a small clip to show you just what they'd done... Though please note. This is a dramatization, the actual event was far far worse.

There you have it. The creatures caught up with me and conned me into a false sense of security. Try as I have to have their kind mashed and destroyed it has proven to finally incur their wrath! Why they have this fixation towards cheap Chinese cuisine is beyond me. All I know is they are a force to be reckoned with and I am certainly going to need to higher more security detail.

But fret not friends, for your leader in this epic battle against the malicious cruelty of the so-called 'Gentle Giant' has escaped. And as I have thwarted them in their attempt to silence me, I shall thwart their plans to conquer us and turn the world into theirs.

Earthquakes: 1 Panda's: Nil

2009-08-02T02:09:00.000-07:00

In the news was the most wonderful article I've seen in weeks!

"Giant Panda's put in danger by large earthquakes."

There you heard it. It's official mother nature noticed her mistake and is correcting it. Perhaps not with the precision of a coat hanger and a towel. But yes. With an earthquake. So while I still think the work is far from over, I have this to say to the nay sayers.

Mother Nature is on my side. Panda's. Your time of lies and deceit is up! Soon the only panda will be the kind in tales you tell your child to prevent them from getting raped!

!

Panda Theft

2009-07-11T01:49:00.001-07:00

The Evil Panda (Full Story) - Free videos are just a click away

Watch as a panda attempts to swipe a wallet. Clever bastards.

Panda Porn

2009-06-13T18:48:00.001-07:00

They're even trying to take over our porn industry. Hairy bastards.

Panda Shirts

2009-06-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

More panda propaganda.

They've spread to dozens of T-shirts. I was informed of this through someone actually being insane enough to purchase one. So I went searching.

I do not kid when I say there were HUNDREDS of shirts.

Here is a sample.

I don't think I need to make you aware, but I will. These shirts were made by slave labor. The panda's are using humans in camps! These are the cause of the global economy crunch.

When the war breaks out, we'll all be forced to wear them as they beat us.