But let me tell you about what I have been doing.

- Kotowari: I re-vamped the layout which was launched on New Year’s. It got pretty positive reviews and I continue to maintain the site on a near-daily basis. I also have been editing videos for R which is pretty fun too.

- Pixelfox: I have now branched out and went freelance under the name Pixelfox. This site offers my designing and illustration services as well as a mini-blog about design.

- iChamploo: My newest and dearest project, it will be a community blog + forum for mixed-Asians like myself. If you couldn’t tell by this blog, many of my articles dealt with what it means to be Asian or perceived to be Asian. I am hoping that this community will reach out to others like me who at one point or another felt like they had no one to relate to.

In real world news, R and I have been talking about an eventual move to California where he can branch out and get a job doing what he loves. I am hoping that by then I will have an established clientele going so that I can work without being tethered to one place. But we’ll see.

Also, I want to point out that as it is the year of the Ox (my year), all of my projects and ambitions should succeed as planned with no excuse

For whatever reason, in America it seems like if you enjoy BIG FOOD and LOTS OF IT with MEAT, SECRET SPICES, BARBECUE, etc., you must be a grisly man among men. You are a bit on the chunky side but that’s cool because it’s like you’re one of the guys. You’re a little bit crazy and probably have had more than your share of booze-drinkin’ at frat parties, but people love you because at the end of the day, you’re a regular Joe who likes their meat bleedin’ and their burgers piled high with more burgers.

No more is this the case than with the Travel Channel’s show Man vs. Food, in which a portly dude travels the country in order to wreak havoc on his insides for some airtime and supportive chanting from sickly looking blond children. He consumes POUNDS worth of meat, steak, ribs and other manly treats for nothing other than gaining a nifty bumper sticker or his name on a greasy wall. Which I guess as entertainment goes, is fine or whatever, despite starving people who could live a week off of the despicable carnage that the host constitutes as one bite.

Moving on, the Food Network seems to have taken quite a shine to a like-minded guy, named appropriately enough: Guy.

If you’ve never seen him before, picture a younger, more-obnoxious-yet-somehow-less-intolerable Very Pink Emeril Lagasse. He oversells the ‘dude’ thing but he must be doing something right because he seems to get a new show every 5 minutes. One show features the Pink Fellow driving around looking for diners around the country that are crazy enough to let him within a five-foot radius of their kitchen. The Man Without Neck eats lots of big sandwiches, blah blah blah, “invented” a certain way to eat such big food which in the end is really just pummeling your face with said food, and still has time to get his hair bleached around the sunglasses that are a permanent fixture to the back of his head. (Legend be told that his skull is steadily absorbing them.)

Both shows contain “hey brah” qualities which for whatever reason is linked to over-consumption of big food. For women to overeat is called “indulging,” or “treating themselves to another bite” or whatever. Because women are dainty and eat salads. Or some such thing.

Alright whatever, let me get to the point, OK?

This is a 7 man vs. 1 ko-gal eating contest. (Part 2 and Part 3 are here.) The ko-gal featured is none other than Gyaru Sone, who got her start in a girl group but really took off as a celebrity Super Eater. Looking like a frail doe-eyed pixie thing, she can easily out-eat both Dudes above and still DRINK. THEIR. MILKSHAKE!!

So, American TV Producing People, the chunky-bro-eating-too-much-food thing is getting old. I don’t really know what I’m asking for in its place, but encouraging food-related stereotypes is definitely not getting anywhere with me.

Also, I don’t want to feel guilty anymore for enjoying food. OK? So stop showing things like vectorized animated slinky women with little bars of chocolate individually wrapped so we can savor the indulgent sexy flavor while watching our weight, because I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. (On a separate note: please stop sexualizing M&Ms.)

Have you seen this? It is a hilarious (and humbling!!) article on what it’s like watching your girlfriend attempt a shooter game for the first time (She doesn’t know how to aim! Ladders confuse her!) It talks about how watching your girlfriend flail about, “contorting her body,” and apologize profusely to online team members makes you appreciate the knowledge you have as a long-time gamer.

The article mentions how inexplicably the zombie-horror-movie-lovin’ girlfriend is drawn towards the zombie shooter Left 4 Dead.

Yeah, I know, right? But you love her (or at least need something to brag about to your online buddies) and so you put up with inanities such as:

Her first instinct was to try and avoid aiming entirely. But when navigating around doors became an issue, she was forced to figure out what the second analog stick did. I felt bad for her. We were playing online with friends of ours, while she quickly sunk the team in almost every scenario we played. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she would plea, as she tried to climb up the stairs.

Oooooh, dear. At least her actions constituted a hearty chuckle or two as you drifted down memory lane, back when you had your first headshot as a wee lad. And after you get through all of this, you have something to be proud of! An accomplishment such as getting your girlfriend to put up with your bullshit eye-rolling and undermining tones (and presumably using gamer terminology she has never heard of) whilst she try to put up with the mindfuck that is the XBox controller is not something to be taken lightly.

Seriously, are we still talking about this? Is having a girlfriend wanting to play a video game she’s never tried before so rare that you document her like some kind of experiment? The ironic part is that the article/vlog does touch upon the cause of its own sexist undertones: none of the XBox games normally appeal to her.

Look at Nintendo Wii and DS commercials.

Notice anything? They feature women lounging about, talking about fireworks (”chhhyeah are you KIDDING me??”) in Animal Crossing or learning to cook with their large-headed daughters (never sons.) They hardly ever show the actual game play, whereas commercials for XBox games – specifically First Person Shooters – are all about the game’s graphics, which often feature war-torn environments in which aliens and big men in suits shoot laser weapons and blow shit up. Most XBox games already have a huge male-based following, making it hard for potential female gamers who only know that they are supposed to raise Hamsterz and Babiez.

I am glad that Kotowari is a female-friendly video game blog. The only assumption that Roy makes is that you read his articles because you enjoy the same games as he does. You will never find a post about him documenting me playing shit for the first time – instead, he would rather have me write a review. You see that, there? Progress. Say it with me now. Progress.

Currently, I am:
- unemployed
- but! prepping for an interview on Monday for a web design position (seriously, what the hell did I major in again?)
- having an e-mail conversation with R in which he just replied to me with this:

1. Walrus tusk lotion
2. Owl farts
3. squirrel flax
4. gopher cream
5. elevator tranquilizers
6. kangaroo essence
7. tangerine buddhas (come in pairs)
8. gargoyle punches
9. Penguin eggshell
10. Dolphin jaw warmer

Use the mammoth one FTW

Raw shark is about to kill a midget

So you know, the usual.

The Discovery channel has been airing this commercial (actually, a little bit longer version) to the annoyance of me and my mother (and hopefully other Asians?)  Notice trigger words such as “the Japanese” and um, “it’s up to US to stop THEM.”

Let’s get something straight.  Whaling is bad.  No doubt about it.  But when you have an older, white male angrily spouting US vs. THEM rhetoric,  you have yourself a veiled jab at the Japanese, which could arguably stem from some leftover World War II resentment. Not to mention the name of the documentary, Whale Wars, along with special highlights of the program which include throwing mysterious, grenade-like objects onto the decks of whaling ships.

Also, my mom’s initial reaction: “Oh, like Americans have never hunted anything illegal before?”

A cute video with sleek design and animation.

Have you recently gotten way-too-long e-mails from me lately? That’s because work is dead but I still need to stay! Noticed I’ve been making more friends on Facebook? They’re all co-workers, equally as bored and eager to kill time as I am!

In other words, blah blah blah, I have been working more than a month straight with nary a day off and with each day spanning anywhere from the standard 8 hours to an awesome 12! (That’s like, half a day!) So I have been going a little nuts, listening to hours and hours of music on my iPod, playing Tetris like a maniac, buying a Chocobo-themed Nintendo DS cover for my non-existent DS, and of course, blogging.

Tonight I will once again be too tired to do anything productive with my time, eat sushi with too-much-wasabi (a ritual I started following the demise of Tumbles), watch Tyra do her thing on ANTM, mourn the loss of Project Runway and probably end up watching music videos on YouTube of the finest band to sing about New England to a redonk degree, Vampire Weekend.

What’s happening with you?

We shrugged the behavior off, spent the night watching TV and snacking as usual.

The next day I come over R’s place to see our old hamster cage resurrected, inhabited by a bunch of socks, fruit and a cup filled with water with a sock wrapped around it. Upon closer examination, R showed me the cause of his cat’s interest from the night before: a baby mouse was lying still between the socks. R guessed that he fell from inside the ceiling (his room is in a basement.)

R rescued the baby mouse, who I named Tumbles, from the jaws of his cat the night before and was desperately trying to nurse it back to health. My first reaction upon seeing Tumbles was that he was dead, but some prodding showed that he was simply exhausted. We assumed that Tumbles’ mother had been the victim of R’s cat the previous week. The little fellow probably came out of his hiding in search for food and his mother, where he was helpless against the jaws of a 20 pound cat. R tirelessly filled the cup with hot water every two hours, wrapping it around with a sock so that Tumbles – which was frigid to the touch the morning after he rescued it – could have some form of comfort.

Tumbles took right away to the warm cup and slept the day away, awaking here and there to nibble as some oyster crackers and blueberries. His head was disproportionately bigger than his body, which added to the cuteness factor. His bulgy eyes were in constant slits as Tumbles was in a state of perpetual sleepiness.

Tumbles didn’t make it until morning, R e-mailed me the next day. And then my iPod chose to play this song:

We buried Tumbles that night with tears and sadness and the hopeful thought that maybe, just maybe Tumbles passed into the night thinking that instead of the sock-covered cup, he knew that the warm being he slept next to was his mother.

So. Did you know? Comedy Central has decided they like black people! If you’ve been watching the channel lately, you might have encountered commercial after commercial promoting their new show, Chocolate News, which premiered last night after a weekend chock full of specials featuring African American comedians and re-runs of the Chappelle Show. What can I say about the premiere other than that it was really into playing the White-People-Don’t-Get-Us card? Maybe that the show’s jokes were dated (R. Kelly? The “N” word? Really?), or that despite being called a “lolz news” show with a continuously SHOUTING!! host, there really wasn’t anything of substance being said behind the comedy, and instead enforced modern caricatures of African Americans (omg hip hop!!)? Or how about encouraging “us vs. them” mentality by grouping all African Americans together and claiming that this is the only show they need to watch, because who are you kidding, you all like fried chicken! And NBA! And Grand Theft Auto (stealing cars!!!!) Why else would those commercials air during breaks in the show, at the exclusion of most other programming on Comedy Central?

Way to show the love, Comedy Central. Maybe you can make the “Dumpling News” by having a samurai host speak a few words quietly, while a ninja causes mischief in the background with Hello Kitty and you could maybe have an interview Kim Jong Il conducted by a kung fu master and joke about nuclear weapons. Wait! Too topical! Joke about kim chee instead. Wait! Too few white people know what that is. We need to make sure that they watch the show so we can tell them how dumb they are – better make that joke about sushi, and then chuckle (quietly, so as not to disturb the Zen master running the program) about how white people are always getting us to do their homework because we are so naturally good at math! All Asians will watch this because (aside from all being the same) you will lure them in with commercials for things that have “soy” in their name (two products I can think of already – one ends in Joy and the other in Sauce). Throw a few gongs in there, some dragon ladies and the show will practically write itself.

Just trying to spread that love!