Here are a couple of comments some people have personally emailed me or left on my Facebook after realizing they couldn’t post to my blog. They’ve got some pretty good things to say too, and I thought I should share this with more people.

From TJ:

Hey Nissie, great post – I hope to read more of it in the future. I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your friend, Mark. You’re right – what has become of the Philippine nation, or maybe the very formation of the Philippine nation through Spanish, America, and then corporate occupation does suck. Here I am in the U.S., about to fly kites with the faces of disappeared activists, journalists, pro-people lawyers, peasants, workers, ordinary citizens – people silenced by the military – when it is just reported that yet another union leader has been shot dead, this time in Eastern Samar. That’s seven now under Noynoy Aquino’s watch – teachers, a journalist, a union leader. Culture of impunity SUCKS. People over profits SUCKS. But you know what would suck even more? If people who did give a damn, stopped caring. If people who could afford NOT to give a damn, lived their lives as though everything was perfectly normal. I’m fucking tired of it. It isn’t fucking right. I’m about to go fly some kites and I’m proud of it. Some people may dismiss my efforts saying that they are worthless or that if I really cared, I wouldn’t be hiding here in liberal’ San Francisco. Well, a big fuck you to whoever would think that. It’s easy to talk shit, it’s harder to actually go out and do something towards solving things. Nis, I’ve always admired you for never being afraid to express exactly what’s on your mind. Sana palagi mong ipagtuloy ang pagsusulat mo. I will be thinking of you and of Mark Welson Chua today. Peace.”

(Sorry for any typos or grammar issues. It’s 8:00 AM on a Sunday.)

From Shin Canete:

First off, I love this article. You have guts saying it as it is, and had I been a frequent blogger, I would have also said the same. However, let me give you my two cents before I’m completely misunderstood.

In summary, the Philippines suck, but I don’t. The same goes for anyone who has the guts to say it out loud and rise above the pack.

Here’s why.

I have never driven a car in the Philippines, and I continue to refuse to do so. When I was younger, a friend tried to give me instructions. “If the car’s bigger than yours, may as well let him go ahead, even if he’s in the wrong.”; “Make sure you’ve got some fifty and hundred peso bills every time you’re driving. That way, if you’re ever stopped by a policeman, you can bargain down his asking price to let you go without taking your license.”; “If you hit a pedestrian or a kid you’ll have to stop, but if you run over someone’s pet just floor the gas and take off.” As I grew older, this last advice became “If you can get away with it, just drive away. If you kill a child on the road, you’ll have to pay the parents some thousands of pesos. In fact, it might be cheaper if you ran the person over and killed him, since medical bills are more expensive than a death payment.” I learned that the average price of a Filipino was four thousand pesos ($100). But it is what it is.

When I was younger, my friend was killed by the Philippine military. His name was Mark Welson Chua, and he was the main reason ROTC for many of the boys here has become optional rather than mandatory. He was investigating corruption within the ROTC military command with his girlfriend, a newspaper writer at the University of Santo Tomas, when he was beaten up, rolled inside a carpet, and then dumped in the trash-ridden Pasig River. When he was retrieved, his face was bloated, and the water in his lungs indicated that he was still alive when they threw him in.

And all to help the scores of boys who have taken ROTC since then, most of whom never take it seriously, or never question why it’s now an optional service.

The known mastermind, one of the higher generals within the military, was never arrested, or even charged. But it is what it is.

I initially wanted to pursue a career as a journalist. Many friends and parents soon disavowed me of that notion. The Philippines was until recently ranked the third in number of journalists killed, behind Afghanistan and East Timor, and the only country with the highest number of casualties during what is considered peacetime. To earn enough money, many journalists have to rely on blackmail – I won’t write these things about you if you pay me this much money. Succinctly put – if someone powerful enough didn’t like the way you were writing about him, or if you were asking for too much money, he’d hire someone to have you killed. A journalist’s life generally costs P10,000 ($200-250).

The Philippines is no longer third in rank. It is now ranked first, after the Maguindanao Massacre the previous year, where fifty or so journalists were killed while accompanying the wife of a local warlord’s political rival to submit her husband’s candidacy for election. The warlord in question, Ampatuan Jr., is still awaiting trial, the trial itself being prolonged. Many of his allies and cronies have already been found innocent.

But it is what it is.

Early this week, an ex-cop took a busload of Chinese tourists hostage, demanding his job back. The police involved were not equipped with the right kind of weapons, used an ax to smash down the windows of the bus, attempted to throw tear gas inside the bus without bothering to use a gas mask of their own, and failing to activate the gas twice. Most were not wearing any protective armor.

The media reported and interviewed the police officers, who divulged most of their plans on air. What neither failed to remember was that the bus had a television set, accessible to the gunman inside as well. So when the gunman’s brother was arrested in full view of the cameras as an accessory to the crime, gunshots inside the bus were heard.

It was an hour before the police decided to break down the doors and return fire. They killed the gunman, but not before the gunman had succeeded in killing eight of the tourists inside.

Donald Tsang, the Executive Chief of Hong Kong, spent hours frantically trying to get through to the Philippine president, Noynoy Aquino, without success. Noynoy himself had been absent from the public eye throughout the whole ten hour hostage siege. Aftewards, he appeared at a press conference with a smile on his face, telling reporters that had he called for a media blackout, people would have complained of his censoring them, so he decided against it. Many Chinese people – and a large number of Filipinos – were disgusted by how unaffected and uncaring he seemed.

It is what it is.

The number one reason why the Philippines suck, is because it is what it frigging is.

Filipinos learn to deal with a lot of things. Suffering seems to be a part of our genetic makeup, so we laugh and smile and wave at the camera even as the flash floods are sweeping away houses behind us. When something tragic happens, we grieve for awhile and we are angry, but we put them all behind us to prepare for the next tragedy we know is lurking on the horizon.

We’re a hopeful people, optimistic. We always believe that change is going to happen tomorrow if we wait long enough. We’re so busy waiting for other people to change we don’t think about changing first. We don’t realize that the change that can happen tomorrow should be the change happening today.

Because we’re a prickly sort of folk. We don’t like to admit things when we’re in the wrong. We blame it on outside environments and external factors; we blame our poverty and our economy and our government, but we don’t blame ourselves. So when other countries call us out on our flaws, we are quick to always give offense, to make excuses about how this is not our fault.

I want to be an author. I was told that there was no market for it here in the Philippines; everyone prefers mass-produced Filipino romance paperback novels (and even they still struggle to get by) or Western books. No modern writer currently living in the Philippines has ever achieved any great lasting popularity. Oh sure, we say we take pride in our national artists; Francisco Balagtas and Felix Hidalgo and Fernando Amorsolo. But most Pinoys don’t even know which paintings Hidalgo and Amorsolo are known for, or three books F. Sionil Jose had written, or the last time they’ve read Florante at Laura, or even Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere outside of school (many cheat and use the comic book version of the novels instead). We mouth platitudes and say we have good artists, but only because we are told that they are.

If I wanted to be popular, I was told, I’d have to do it outside of the country first. Because Filipinos usually pay closer attention to their fellow countrymen when they’ve made it big abroad. Lea Salonga after she performed in Broadway musicals and voiced Jasmine in Disney’s Aladdin. Charice Pempengco after her singing was featured in Ellen. Manny Pacquiao only after he’d defeated known boxers outside of the country. Reynaldo Lapuz, singing ‘You are My Brother’ on American Idol. They’re Filipinos Who Made It Big, Just as Good as the Americans Are. Even local celebrities feel different from those who’d been successful abroad. We’re so very quick to claim that Batista is half-Filipino, that Vanessa Hudgens is half-Filipino, even that Filipina girl who played a minor role as Psylocke in those X-Men movies. Even Jasmine Trias, who has stated time and time again that she looked to Hawaii as her home, not the Philippines. That our lives here suck, but we can at least live vicariously through the successes of these other people. Filipino pride.

Am I mistaken? Then name me at least seven national artists, and what they’ve done to become national artists. Without using google.

There is a very good Philippine website called the antipinoy.com. Its writers frequently criticize Filipinos and suggest a multitude of reasons as to why the Philippines continue to stagnate in comparison to its other wealthier neighbors, and point out flaws in the Filipino character itself. Many Pinoys take offense at this. To call their website the “Antipinoy” was most likely a deliberate choice and a form of irony I fully appreciate, because pointing out defects in the Filipino nature does not make them anti-patriotic, and they know it. Someone agreeing with Claire Danes when she says the Philippines is a smelly place, or Mariah Carey when she calls Regine Velasquez a monkey, does not mean he also agrees that Filipinos are scum.

Why? Because many places in the Philippines ARE smelly, and Regine Velasquez IS a bitch.

When Filipinos complain about their government, their poverty, their economy, nobody seems to mind. But when a foreigner makes that same observation, they rise up to engage the enemy, their prides sorely wounded.

Because we’re always so downtrodden. We’re always the underdogs, the ones who have to live through a lot of suffering that, eventually, good things would have to come their way. And the underdogs are always encouraged, the ones people always root for. Underdogs are allowed to drive like madmen through the streets, because it isn’t their fault; the police will try to extort money out of them no matter how they drive, anyway. Underdogs can complain that the current Miss Philippines lost the Miss Universe pageant because it’s not her fault; the question was too ridiculous, English isn’t her native language, the pageant has been Americanized because of Donald Trump, Obama was asked the same question and he couldn’t answer it in 22 seconds either, etc. Noynoy Aquino wasn’t smiling at that press conference; he was just trying to be optimistic, he was hiding his sorrow inside, his mouth has a defect where it’s always crooked, so it looks like he’s smiling when he’s not, and so on. Underdogs shouldn’t be criticized for underlying flaws, because – after all – they ARE the underdogs!

When A Filipino, an underdog, loses, or is shamed in the eyes of the world, there’s always supposed to be an excuse why they are not to blame. That’s what’s wrong with this nation.

A former friend posted on his Facebook account about why the Philippine president shouldn’t be blamed for the deaths of the Chinese tourists. I called him out on this claim, pointing out the flaws of the man he was defending in relation to the tragedy. He deleted his previous comment to make my reply sound nastier without the provided context. He forgot that I received about Facebook email notifications, and when I re-copied the comment he had removed to defend my stance, he responded by deleting the status and blocking me from his facebook page.

In the Philippines, there are millions like him.

Admitting that yes, the Philippines sucks but that doesn’t mean I don’t love it, is the first step. And until we all realize that the truest love for one’s country is to understand its flaws and the flaws of its people, and to acknowledge those flaws rather than making excuses for our mediocrity – then nothing will ever change.

It is what it is.

As you can also see, I am on an odd digital art / bug-eyed girl kick these days.

Redbubble print

Society6 print

Redbubble print

Society6 print

Redbubble print

Society6 Print

]]> http://paperheroes.net/2010/07/omg-training/feed/ 0 http://paperheroes.net/2010/07/omg-training/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Paperheroes/~3/AqHkUXjrfaM/ http://paperheroes.net/2010/07/odd-things-found-in-my-room/#comments Tue, 06 Jul 2010 04:10:03 +0000 Nissie http://paperheroes.net/?p=307
I clean my room about once every four months, not necessarily because it’s dirty per se, but because there is no longer enough space to fit half the things it already contains, so cleaning usually involves me carting things from one end of the room to the other, and still achieving the same crowded effect. Since I also make it a habit of turning the bedroom into  my quasi-workshop, where resin fumes, paint thinner, and photo emulsion abound, I also tend to sometimes get very bug-eyed crazyhigh from the cocktail of poison despite my attempts at air circulation and open windows.

In this particular incarnation of room-cleaning though, I have found some odd things in it that I don’t even recall having / buying / stealing, though given my terrible short term memory this isn’t all that surprising.

1. A sack of coal – either I have attempted to barbecue something here, or Santa Claus really hates me

2. A bundle of black chicken feathers – I think I got this originally for some obscure project, but apparently it’s so obscure that I’d forgotten what it is.

3. A collection of naked plastic trolls – I remember collecting these when I was younger, though I’m not exactly sure what I still keep them. At closer inspection, I realize that they are kind of pretty ugly, and might enforce the belief that trolls are hideous. (Some of them aren’t, they’re all just rather stupid, especially at internet forums, which are their spawning grounds.)

4. old Vanilla Ice CDs – don’t ask.

5. my old Quina Quen cosplay costume. Picture says it all.

Don’t worry, I finally got rid of it.

6. A billion bags, only three of which I use.

7. Several size four and a half shoes – because I have the typical tiny Chinese feet – but with half or all the straps broken – because I am an inveritable heavy stomper.

8. I have two bookcases in my room primarily for books, stuffed and piled up with far too many paperbacks and novels and hardcovers that there is little space for more, the overall effect resembling a dingy book sale at a secondhand shop. I found an additional three dozen more books, now all piled up on one corner of the room. Deciding which book should be consigned to the attic / garage sales / the salvation army can take weeks, so the attempt has been abandoned for now.

9. Eight yards of bubble wrap. With two yards already popped.

The nice thing about having horrible short term memory is rummaging through all these weird things I have accumulated over the months and wondering what I was high on back then.

]]> http://paperheroes.net/2010/07/odd-things-found-in-my-room/feed/ 0 http://paperheroes.net/2010/07/odd-things-found-in-my-room/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Paperheroes/~3/ZA3Ge93uv-E/ http://paperheroes.net/2010/06/technology-is-against-me/#comments Sat, 19 Jun 2010 17:06:47 +0000 Nissie http://paperheroes.net/?p=303
I have a certain kind of superpower. It’s not enough of a decent ability to make me eligible for either the Justice League of America, or the X-Men / Avengers, but it’s something that, I think, makes me stronger and better and smarter than the average bear.

Everyone has these minor superpowers. I have a friend whose special ability was always being able to find parking spaces at all times, even during rush hour. It would be Sunday noon, hot outside, shopping malls packed with people seeking airconditioning, ridiculous traffic, and he’d still be able to find an empty parking slot within minutes.

“God,” He said. “You gave me this power….. is that all?”

Another friend, until recently, had the ability to make it rain simply by putting a skirt on. Her boyfriend, who is originally from Canada, brings horridly strong storms and typhoons with him every time he flies back to Manila. Typhoons Milenyo and Ketsana / Ondoy were some of his works.

One of mine (and I have a lot – my fingernails regenerate three times as fast as anyone else’s and sometimes simulate the same constitution as adamantium, my sometimes eidetic memory that nowadays only seem to work with teenybop song lyrics and Bible passages, and let’s not forget my innate ability to hurt people’s feelings) is the ability to keep track of five different trains of thought and work on them simultaneously. This is like a budget computer with pre-programmed functions which, when you think about it, makes me better than the iPad. This could be the supposed Gemini personality, or an additional incentive to enjoy the one thousand and one hobbies I seem to have, but I can do about seven different things all at the same time. I write, I check mail, I crochet, I make pendants, I’m nifty with chase hammers, I do web design, I paint (traditionally and digitally), and I have done all these at some point in time while riding on a bus, and have done at least three all at once during the rides. Unfortunately, the multitasking capability has to involve the computer in some part. Which brings me to my kryptonite.

Everyone has their kryptonite, too. I have a lot of kryptonites – my inability to wear high heels (my surly temper increases exponentially according to the angle of my foot against solid ground, and doubles considerably on rocky terrain), my fear of roaches (although this also becomes a superpower in some way, because I seem to run twice as fast, punch people twice as hard, and am able to shatter the eardrums of everyone in the vicinity) – I can go on and on. But the most obvious one is technology’s aversion to me. Technology hates me. This is odd for someone who first started out deciding she wanted IT for a degree, but yes. Possibly this could be a genetic mutant trait, as one of my sister’s super-abilities seem to include being able to destroy or misplace technology (games, boombox, laptops, etc.). Once, several years ago, I absolutely believed she was able to cause my Sega game console to stop working just by looking at it. Mine is widely different from hers, because these work when anyone else is using it. It’s only when I’m using it that it chooses not to.

My desktop PC has hated me almost from the day I got it. It automatically boots back up five minutes after I’d shut it down. The cooling fan particularly despises me, and chooses to commit suicide rather than work properly. My graphics card barely works with Plants versus Zombies. My flatscreen monitor started spewing green Matrixesque lines and squiggles three days after I bought it. At the first signs of sunlight my whole system immediately shuts down – which means it barely functions during the summer months which, in the Philippines, means about half a year.

It’s not always limited to computers, either. Television sets / flatscreens in my possession seem to have an incongruous way of working again as soon as I’d given it away to someone else. Personal electric fans I’d thought have broken down sputter back to life under someone else’s ownership without repairs, mostly the miniature variety.

Technology loves my boyfriend though, even when he claims to hate it. My boyfriend is that type of lovable geek who doesn’t need to study to ace a math or programming test, and had been fixing hardware since his early teens. He’s not a big fan of programming, and is more of a tech writer than anything else, though he would succumb to freelance web projects if the money’s good.

My desktop loves him. His walking into the room is all it needs to suddenly and properly function. It purrs like a little kitten when he starts it up. Nothing breaks down in his presence. The instant he walks back out though, it reverts back to bitch mode (Windows users probably know what this means).

My laptop works in conjunction with my desktop pc. When I switch to the former as an alternative, it responds by crashing Firefox successively. When I switch to Lunascape, the whole laptop, shocked by my audacity, responded by shutting down for no reason other than that it thought I was doing something important.

Case in point: the desktop pc shuts down five minutes after I try to start it up. This happens ten, twelve times. He walks into the room and gives it a try, and it works for the whole day. He’s not doing anything that I haven’t been doing, save that it’s his finger doing the button-pushing, and not mine.

My boyfriend has technopathy. He becomes One with the motherboard.

Shortly after my boyfriend leaves, I shut the computer down. Two minutes later, as I am getting ready to leave, it boots up again. Puzzled, I shut it back down. It responded by restarting. This happened about five more times, before I gave up and pulled the plug.

There is really nothing much to this post, save that my desktop hasn’t been working again after trying to start it for the umpteenth time, the same desktop that has some files I need for later in the day, and my boyfriend isn’t here for it to flirt with. So, two possible reasons: desktop technology must really, really, REALLY hate me….

…or there’s an invisible leprechaun living inside the computer.

Oh yeah, and also FREEDOM.

Which only serves to show that democracy only works if you’re not the one in the minority.

Here’s a compilation of videos about Filipinos that should make people feel better despite this.