Paradigm Online - Online Dating Tips For Men

The Online Paradigm - The Book

2010-04-05T12:41:00.006+10:00

After extensive field testing, the book is almost done. I usually tailor my materials for a certain age group, but this is the Bible of online dating for men. Online dating sites, Facebook, MySpace - it's all there, making this book a game-changer for many of the guys out there.

As we know, the methods you use to attract a 22 year old college student are much different to the methods used to attract a 32 year old divorcee. That is perhaps the biggest strength of my book...

Women from 18-25 - Check
Women from 26-35 - Check
Women from 36-45 - Check

All three of these groups have different wants, needs and desires. You've probably read other books on online dating and discovered that the methods don't work on your target age group. I know this is true because I've scoped out the current crop of online dating books. You try some of the methods on women from the wrong age group and they will laugh at you. The problem is that the authors usually don't specify WHICH age group their method/s are targetted to. For the first time, with The Online Paradigm, you can target a specific age group and use tried and tested tactics, techniques and procedures. This is great for some of the older guys out there, but also for younger guys wanting older women.

I'll post more info when it's ready.

Cheers,

Craig

My new Facebook Page - Plenty Of Fish Indeed - It's juicy

2010-03-29T11:52:00.003+11:00

The blog isn't really getting all that many views, so I set up a facebook page called "Plenty Of Fish Indeed". If you want to join, point your browser here .

I'm still updating this blog though and I'll be posting a review chapter of my new book here for people to download and check out. As always, any comments you have would be most appreciated.

Cheers,

Craig

Sharing the love....

2010-03-12T23:17:00.005+11:00

I've been busy these last few days writing articles and... remember how I said that I've been interviewing beautiful women on Plenty Of Fish... posting the interviews.

So where are they? They're not here on the blog. I know - I've been so busy testing out my new HubPages and Squidoo accounts that I almost forgot about the Paradigm Online blog. Just kidding. How could I forget you guys?

You can find the links under the "More From Paradigm" column on this page or you could just click these:

HubPages - Online Dating Tips For Men
HubPages - The little Hook - Your online dating profile
Squidoo - Interview with a Hot Babe from Plenty Of Fish - Interview #1: Miss A
Squidoo - Interview with a Hot Babe from Plenty of Fish - Interview #2: Miss B

The last two are a couple of random interviews out of the couple of hundred I have done over the past week. I'll be posting a series of blog entries based on my analysis of trends borne out of those interviews in a few days.

Evil Experiment #1 Part 5 - Points to remember

2010-03-11T16:25:00.002+11:00

So here's a quick summary of the salient points from the previous couple of days of messing around with Celine's Plenty Of Fish account...

1. Do NOT use "hi" as your subject line when emailing women on POF - if you do, you'll fall into the invisible man category for sure.

2. Do NOT be sexually explicit in your emails unless by some act of God, she starts it, even then be careful.

3. Do NOT send your email/MSN address or phone number in the first email.

4. Do NOT put yourself down unless you can do it in a majorly cocky/funny way. Anything less projects weakness and insecurity.

5. Do NOT focus on a woman's looks. She's much more than that.

6. Do NOT write single word emails.

7. Do NOT write emails when you've been licking poisonous toads.

8. Do NOT show shirtless pictures.

9. Do NOT send "gifts" - it's pointless and needy.

10. Do NOT use canned materials from "seduction community" gurus.

11. Do NOT forget to keep track of who you've emailed.

12. Do NOT add a woman to your favourites - They can see you've done it and it's more than a little creepy. If you want to bookmark someone's profile for later viewing, hold down the "ctrl" button on your keyboard and press "D" to bookmark the page in your browser.

Evil Experiment #1 part 4 - Subject Line Again?

2010-03-10T18:00:00.001+11:00

After looking at every single message she was sent on POF over the last day and a bit, Celine says:

"What a bunch of losers. No one stood out enough to make me want to get to know them better, let alone go out on a date with them. I was bombarded by an avalanche of cliches and compliments, when you can tell all they are after is sex. If I was a dull nymphomaniac I'd certainly jump a couple based on their profile pics though."

Which brings me to another topic... I've interviewed those who I consider to be some of the most attractive women on Plenty Of Fish. I'm collating the answers to the questionnaire I sent out so expect to see a little more about how the other half lives.

But we're not finished with Celine's Plenty Of Fish adventure yet. I'd like to do a breakdown of the messages she received starting with the message subject line.

Subject Line

Here's a breakdown of the most common subject lines by frequency...

Hi - 69

Hello there - 25

Hey - 18

Hi there - 17

Hey there - 12

Wow - 3

Plus a bunch of others ranging from sexually explicit to "how R U".

Remember, these are just over a two day period. As you can see, the most popular subject line by far was "Hi". Women receive SO MANY emails on POF compared to guys that unless the subject line is more interesting than "hi", your message stands a good chance of being "unread deleted".

Guys, you don't need to start writing haiku in your subject lines, but put a bit of thought into it and at least make an effort to stand out from the crowd.

Evil Experiment #1 Part 3 - Meet the Feebles

2010-03-08T23:48:00.000+11:00

Celine hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I'm going to choose a selection of emails and break them down using knowledge I have gained from the past 12 months using POF.

Meet Mr Hopeful

Ballsy, but no cigar. No girl worth getting to know is going to reply to Mr Hopeful saying "sure, I like directness... here's my address, pick me up at 7:30". Although it seems bold on the surface, Mr Hopeful is actually just desperate and clearly has no concept of how the fairer sex think.

Starts off with a compliment about Celine's looks - FAIL (see Mr Muscles below for further enlightenment)

Asks for a date in the first email without even giving it a bit of time to get to know Celine and vice versa - FAIL

Apologises for being forward (projects weakness) and then dashes his chances even further with a backhanded compliment - FAIL

Appears to have the mindset that a little confidence and boldness will win Celine over, even though he's clearly trying to blow sunshine between her perfectly formed buttocks in a vain attempt to get laid. Needy, desperate, weak. Mr Hopeful FAILS. Next.

Meet Mr Whackjob

I don't quite know where to start with this one... This guy doesn't think straight ( "(:" WTF is that? Backwards smiley?) and his text is vaguely manipulative as well. I think his own message pretty much says it all. FAIL! 'nuff said. Lesson learned? Don't EVER write to a girl on POF when you're high on acid. Mr Whackjob FAILS.

Meet Mr Muscles

What's wrong with this picture?

Mr Muscles bought Celine a virtual bunch of lillies (lillies again?) FAIL

Mr Muscles begins by blowing sunshine where the sun don't shine by focusing on her beauty FAIL - I'll say it slowly guys, Beautiful women are FOREVER being told they are beautiful. They hear it sometimes dozens of times per day and they get sick of it. In most cases they are much more than their looks. Want the Bitch Shield to come up? Call her beautiful. Go on, I dare you.

Mr Muscles commits one of the greatest crimes any man can commit on an online dating site - the dreaded shirtless pic. FAIL. Muscles, Celine WILL laugh at that and then she'll email it around the office. Why? Just because she can. Seriously, the thought of some guy posing in front of the webcam with his shirt off is so ridiculous that it has the exact opposite effect than the one intended.

Interestingly though, Mr Muscles did something right. He actually talked a little bit about who he is, where he's from and what he does. WIN (sort of) , but overall Mr Muscles FAILS.

Meet Mr Brief

This one hurts me in my heart. Guys, you only get ONE chance to make a good impression. I haven't checked Mr Brief's profile, so maybe it's chock full of awesomeness, but somehow I doubt it. Just FAIL lol

Meet Mr Player

On the surface, Mr player appears to be doing a lot right. He's challenged Celine ("you sound like you could be a fun girl to hang out with, I could be TOTALLY wrong though") to prove he's different to all the other meatheads who are trying to get into her pants - WIN, he's empathised with her (emails from nasty old dudes) - WIN, he's acknowledged that they are both on POF to find a date, so take the chance - WIN, he's stood his ground about purposely making a fool of himself for Celine's amusement - something she mentioned in her profile as a test. He's indicated he's not a pushover - WIN. He's determined that travel is a big part of Celine's life, so he's asking questions about it and indicating that he has the same interests. WIN

So why do I say "on the surface"? Well, Mr Player is using canned material from David DeAngelo and from David M, probably downloaded illegally from bittorrent. He's cut and pasted, which undoes all of his previous good work - overall FAIL. Many women on POF have heard all of these lines before.

Lesson learned? Don't rely upon gurus for specific material to say to women online or in person. Be yourself, don't try and be manipulative and treat her like a human being, not like a mountain to be conquered. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory through being a wannabe player, Mr Player FAILS.

Note: If he's any sort of guru follower, we can expect a follow-up email from Mr Player sometime within the next few days.

Meet Mr Faux Pas

Mr Faux Pas was one of the fellows who favourited Celine within the first ten minutes of her profile being up. He's only just worked up the courage to say hello. He's described a bit about himself and what he likes doing, which is great. There's nothing in there about donkey punching teenaged male prostitutes so he's probably reasonably normal. Overall, he seems like a nice guy apart from the following niggling little issues which are sure to show up on the radar of any normal right-thinking woman...

1. He starts off by highlighting the fact that he's taken the time to visit Celine's profile and therefore she must show him the same courtesy. FAIL Why should Celine go anywhere near his profile? Methinks a relationship with Mr Faux Pas should be avoided at all costs - manipulator and potential emotional or physical abuser. Just a feeling I get - hopefully I'm wrong...

2. He's given out his email/MSN address in his initial contact email. FAIL Guys, don't do it. In fact MSN is very touchy subject due to the sheer number of guys who ask women for webcam strip-tease or masturbation sessions. Oh? You're not like that? How does she know? My advice is to let her give you HER MSN when she's ready to chat with you.

3. Mr Faux Pas has given Celine his mobile number right off the bat. FAIL Sure, SMS texts are an easy way to keep in touch and hearing someone's voice is a must before meeting them, but to send your phone number in the first email? Negative. Many women I have dated and spoken to about the whole phone number dance have indicated that they won't call someone who does what Mr Faux Pas has just done. They don't like it and who am I to argue?

Mr Faux Pas FAILS

Meet Mr Forgetful

Mr Forgetful was the second guy to email Celine. Here's his first contact email:

I'm doing really well, Mr Forgetful, thanks for asking.

Obviously the brevity and blandness of this, his first message to Celine, earns Mr Forgetful a FAIL and puts him straight into the invisible man category.

But then, almost 12 hours later, Celine receives this:

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? That's right, Mr Forgetful here has forgotten that he has already sent an email to Celine and sent another first contact email to her. Way to make a girl feel special there Mr Forgetful. You FAIL.

Guys, keep track of who you are messaging. If you go to your "Sent" messages link in POF you'll see a little link which says "Check out your entire contact history HERE". Use it. More little tips like that to follow as we delve deeper into the mysteries of Plenty Of Fish.

Meet Mr Suicide Pickup

Not that much to say really, apart from he forgot the question mark at the end.

Mr Suicide Pickup just oozes FAIL

My head is starting to hurt.

Meet Mr Tragic

Mr Tragic seems to be a genuine nice guy. I haven't looked at his profile, but he's most likely divorced or separated and jumping back into the dating game feet first. For any of you ladies out there who've come over to take a look from Katslash, he's probably one of the more genuine guys that you'll find online, you'd just have to train him to be happy with who he is.

Unfortunately, being nice is not enough in the big pond with plenty of fish. Mr Tragic calls Celine "hon" - FAIL Nothing is more condescending for a woman than being called "hon", "sweetie", "gorgeous", "beautiful", etc. by a guy they do not even know. He probably does think Celine's a honey, but he doesn't know her which means he's probably already planning the wedding.

Mr Tragic disses her choice of football team with a little bit of playful banter, which is OK, but then goes on to put himself down, describing himself as a [his football team] "tragic" - FAIL He's not only projected weakness in a desperate attempt to not appear arrogant, but he's also unintentionally given Celine a backhanded insult - does that mean that Celine is a [her football team] tragic?

Mr Tragic then states he'd love to get to know Celine better, which is good, but then asks "If that's OK?". FAIL Celine is probably now thinking "this guy's got low self esteem... next!"

Has learning occurred yet?

Evil Experiment #1 part 2 - Thinking Outside the (in) Box

2010-03-08T19:56:00.000+11:00

Remember how ages ago I said that Celine had received 4 emails in the 10 minutes since she created her POF profile?

Her profile has been up for a few hours now and we're looking at the following statistics:

Profile Views: Countless (not including this data anymore)

Messages: 37

Favourited: 3

Gifts: 7

You're a popular girl Celine, you saucy minx.

Celine is still going through the emails and promises she'll get back to us shortly. As you can see, the competition on POF is gonna be tough. Before we delve into the content of the emails as well as the profiles of the guys who sent them, let's have a look at the subject lines. How many emails starting with "hi" can one girl get?

Lesson learned - Don't put "hey" or "hi" as your subject line for your initial email to women. It's boring and as you can see, they've seen it all before.

How about this "Contains Gift" thing? 7 identical virtual bunches of lillies. I couldn't believe it! Celine didn't receive a single box of chocolates or even a nice steak. Freakin' purple lillies. I'm very disappointed guys.

Lesson learned - DO NOT send a gift in your first email. It's needy and a clear demonstration of lower social value - you need to bribe some poor female to read and answer your email? Plus, THEY AREN'T REAL FLOWERS - no-one's impressed by it and no one gives a shit how many (free) points you spent on such a wonderful gift.

And the Favourites... None of the three guys who favourited Celine have contacted her as yet. Favourites may be useful as a sort of bookmark, but you know... the girls can see who's favourited them just like you can. IF you're on any girl's favourites list you can also see when they last logged in - keeping track of someone's POF usage? Stalker FAIL.

Lesson Learned - DON'T FAVOURITE SOMEONE. It's not sweet, it's not impressive, it's creepy. Essentially you've favourited the girl on the off chance she might be as needy as you are and will contact you first. Not likely to happen. That's something that women (in my experience) do so unless you're ready to rip up your Man Card then grow a set of testicles and SEND HER A MESSAGE. What's the worst that can happen? Read-Deleted? Although, judging from the quality of the first 30-odd messages that Celine received, most of you are going to crash and burn. Here's hoping we can change that.

Evil Experiment #1 Part 1 - God Bless Celine

2010-03-08T15:31:00.000+11:00

OK Guys, you've surfed through Plenty Of Fish and seen all the pretty girls. Ever wondered just what it's like being a moderately pretty chick (lol - you know you rocked my world Celine ;-)) who's just signed up for POF?

Meet Celine (not her real name)

We're good friends and she has agreed to create a POF profile for us so we can see just how the other half lives. She's using this profile to try and meet a nice guy so I'm not going to link to it, but she's also given me full access to view. Thanks Celine!

The profile was created about 10 minutes before I started writing this blog entry.

Let's see some stats...

Profile Views - 17
Messages - 4
Favourites - 0

Now go create your own POF Profile and see how long it takes YOU to get 4 messages. Days, weeks, months? We'll change all that...

Stay tuned for the next installment where we begin to analyse the content of the first million or so emails she's going to get over the next 12 hours or so. And take a look at the profiles of the most successful candidates as chosen by Celine.

Cheers,

Craig

Welcome to Paradigm Online

2010-03-08T15:26:00.000+11:00

Hi, my name is Craig (you can call me Paradigm) and I'll be your host for this deep exploration of the dos and don'ts of the world of online dating for men.

We'll concentrate mainly on Plenty Of Fish as it is one of the most popular (and free) online dating sites out there. It's also a pure virtual meat market, so we are going to learn quickly - sink or swim lol.

Be sure to check back soon as I post the results of the first of several of my evil POF experiments BWAHAHAHAHA!