Essentiallly Me!

Evolving lanaguage

2017-11-09T12:02:00.003-08:00

I am not sure why all of the sudden, but I have an issue that is stuck in my brain that I feel the need to address the whole world regarding their ignorance of the facts. Quick bunny trail: We have become a very opinionated people recently. Ok, back to these facts.

There has been an evolution in the American language over the last 40 years, where words used to mean one thing and now mean something else. I'll give you a few examples:

Cool used to refer to temperature, but now refers to whether something is popular or socially acceptable.

Hot used to refer to temperature but now refers to whether someone is sexually attractive or not.

These are common every day evolution's in language that no one is throwing a fit about.

So why is it when the word gender goes through an evolution, we get all panicky and bring out our pitchforks in protest?

So, before I go on in my diatribe, I want to give some qualifications to my descriptions. 1) I am almost done with my Master's in Anthropology. These terms were not created by God, but by social scientists. Gen 1:27, "And God created man(kind) in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

There are a couple of interesting things to note here. Eve hasn't been created yet, but the feminine is mentioned. Many biblical scholars think that the original creation was a being that housed both feminine and masculine genders, and then when God removed the "rib" from Adam, he removed the femininity and made a new being called woman.

So, God created "man and woman" and he created "male and female". One of those sets refers to their sex and the other refers to their gender. So again, the terms to identify these different qualities "the sex" or "the gender" were created by scientists and have evolved over the years.

At one point your sex and your gender were considered synonymous. If you were a biological girl then you were called female. But over the last forty or so years, we've realized that while there may be a binary in the sexes, there isn't a binary in genders. I say may be a binary in sexes because that's contested. I firmly believe you are either man or woman, have an inny or an outy, XX or XY. But gender is different.

Gender is more fluid. It is more about how you relate to the world than what parts you are born with. There are women who are very feminine: girly girls but there are also girls who are a bit more rough and tumble: tom boys. That is their gender expressing itself differently. One is not better than the other. Certainly God loves you whether you prefer makeup or Nascar. It's just personality and social upbringing. Men too come in different expressions. Some men are very masculine while others are softer and more gentle. Again, one is not better than the other. One is not a sign of weakness, where the other is strong. Neither have anything to do with whom you are sexually attracted too either. You can have really masculine or more feminine men who are hetero or homo-sexual.

So you are born with reproductive parts and that assigns your sex, in a binary set of choices (IMO). But there are hundreds of different combinations or expressions of gender. Those expressions of gender have nothing to do with your sexual preferences.

What this means to everyday language is that I can say I am a woman and a tomboy or you could say that you are a high-femme man. Or maybe you are gen-neutral, not feeling overly male or female.

The point is our language has evolved along side of our understanding of the different expressions of masculinity and femininity in the world. Fifty years ago your sex and gender were synonymous, but today that is not necessarily true.

I believe the "trans" movement may throw a wrench into this argument because they are using the wrong language. If Bruce Jenner went through physically altering surgery to become Caitlyn Jenner, then he is not a transgender, he is a transsexual. If there is no physically altering surgery, but he is just embracing a more feminine expression of himself and is still physically a man, IMO then he is truly transgender. Caitlyn with all her male bits would be a high-femme man.

In closing, I want to speak to the sin question that Christians bring up around this issue. Most people are not going to tell a girl that likes to play with GI Joes instead of Barbie that she's in sin, because she is a tomboy. So why would it be sin for Caitlyn Jenner? Is there a line in the sand that gets crossed? Who draws that line? There's no way for human's to judge that, so it's better to judge with mercy and not call it sin. That being said, I think you could make a strong case for brokenness. But again, I don't think anyone would ever say that a man who likes to cook, garden, and likes fashion instead of auto mechanics is broken. But I don't believe it's fully in God's design for a man to be so extremely disconnected with masculinity that he becomes a woman or vice versa. I think the church has to be very careful about the words we ascribe to individuals in these situations. Either way, whether sin or brokenness, I know that loving people will go a long way. In the places in my life, where I have sin and/or brokenness, I want people to love me where I am while also speaking truth about my identity to me, so that I can walk in full freedom.

As a personal confession on this issue: I think I was a normal little girl. I played with dolls but I was also adventurous. Not necessarily high-femme but not full tomboy either. Puberty was difficult and being a woman was physically and emotionally painful. I wanted a hysterectomy every month from the time I was 15, until I got it at the age of 35. I didn't enjoy being a woman. I didn't know how to handle my sexuality either and the advances of men that were not welcome and often turned really ugly added to my disdain for femininity. I have always loved makeup and jewelry and the genteel things of life, but they have felt like something that is exhausting like wearing a costume. Many years ago, I quit wearing makeup and wanted to embrace myself in a low-femme manner. Knowing my value is in my heart and not my accessories, I have fought to find real identity and self love as I am, not how I think I should be. I think deep down I wish I was thinner, healthier and had the emotional energy to give myself to being a high-femme woman, but I don't. So that's ok. So today, I would describe myself as a low-femme woman. I've repented for being angry at God for making me a woman and I'm learning to accept that he knows what he's doing.

I hope you appreciate the journey of identity and the evolution of language. Think about it before you make snap decisions about these issues next time.

That moment where you find yourself crying in class...

2017-02-23T11:26:00.001-08:00

In my career as a college student, I have cried in class twice. Once was 10+ years ago and it was Biblical Hebrew. Last night it was Liberation Theology. Liberation Theology is a popular form of Christianity, particularly in South America. Its main tenets are that the gospel and the message of Jesus Christ is primarily about setting the captives free and loving the broken, lost, poor, weak and vulnerable. I personally believe that they also draw a line that says that if your Christianity doesn't look like this, then you may not be a Christian (or at least that they doubt the sincerity of your faith).

Anytime conversations are happening, they are not without context. Last night, there was a context (behind the scenes) of my own life, the context of the lives of my fellow students, professors, and the context of America in the midst of the global context. There's lots of context that weighed on those conversations. Part of that context was that I voted for Trump. When I voted for Trump, I liked let's say 6 out of 10 things about him. It turns out that those 4 things that I don't like about him are weighted differently than the six things I do like about him, so they feel more like I dislike 9 things about him and only like 1 thing about him. The weightiness of the stuff that is being said about him before he was elected and since, are incredibly heavy. I like most American's don't REALLY know what is or isn't true. Media has and can really distort things. You can offer sound bites that are totally taken out of context and completely misconstrue what someone was trying to say. So it is entirely possible that Trump has said and fully meant every horrible thing he has ever said or maybe he didn't. Either way, the weightiness of his choices and words has cost me a lot of relationships. I have friends who I have known for years who won't speak to me anymore because I voted for him. I have people who used to respect me, who don't anymore. His election has been very costly. I don't regret my choice. I would probably vote for him again. I still would not vote for Hillary. It's been costly, and I have internalized Trumps poor choices and now walk around with voter's guilt. Every news story of people being denied health care or whatever because of something Trump did, I feel like has been another rock around my neck. I am broken over the state of America and I feel helpless and hopeless for a solution on how to change it. So I walked into class, carrying a box of Thin Mints because I knew it was going to be a tough night, guarded. My professor does not like Trump. I won't say he hates him, but he is angry at Trumps choices. So that add's its own measure of context to the situation. The first hour and a half, I felt like we were listening to a sermon "Sinners in the hands of an angry God." For an hour and a half, the professor spoke angrily about the state of the church of America and American herself, because both are complicit. Because the class is based in a forum, I tried to interject some opinions on how I see the world and I felt shut down. I also felt my other classmates who tried to voice opinions were being shut down too. When we took our break, I went outside and inhaled a box of Thin Mints, because I was eating my emotions. I was angry and I felt powerless. I went back in for the second half and hoped I could bide my time and get out without incident. But the professor asked me why I was taking it all personally. And my lip started quivering. And then a fellow student brought up the power differential in the room and as my professor backed down, I lost it. I cried for what felt like 10 minutes with everyone watching me. MISERABLE! And then I tried to verbalize it, to answer his questions. But they felt weak and not comprehensive. And then, he said that he was sorry and told me three more reasons he was right. Ugh.

He said that he thought I was his ally because I connected him with another professor that shares his points of views. I highly respect both of these men, but I don't always see the world the same way they do. And I feel like every time they highlight the tragedies of this world, that somehow I am to blame. Some of this is absolutely false guilt. Some of it is conviction. Some of it is the fact that I am highly empathetic and feel broken about the state of the US and the world.

On top of all of this, there is the fact that there was a power differential in the room. He is a he and he is also a professor. My femininity and the fact that I am a student make it incredibly hard to disagree with someone when they are in a position of power. In this case, I really wish that if he wanted to lecture us, it would have been presented as a lecture class. But when it is a forum class, I wish my opinions could be heard and debated without being completely shot down. I told him and the class, "I am not looking to be coddled intellectually. I want to be challenged. But I also want to be heard." I didn't feel heard. Especially after the apology and 3 more reasons to prove he was right and statements like "I'm the professor and have read more so maybe I am just supposed to win the argument." I get it. Totally. Make it a lecture class then. I am teachable and can totally sit back and listen to what you think is the right way to see the world. Don't ask for my opinion and then not hear it.

As a woman who has been abused by men in a variety of different ways throughout my life, I am frustrated and broken by the system. The irony is we were acting out the dynamics of Liberation Theology and I was the oppressed. As he was angrily lecturing us about the value of liberation theology, he missed me as an individual.

I can honestly say that I don't know why I really cried. I don't know if it was the drama at my job, regular grad school pressure, haven't seen my family pressure, grant proposal and ethnographic research plans pressure, Trump/USA stuff I said earlier and/or so much more. So it may have been unavoidable. I am giving him deference by saying these things. It's not all his fault.

As a woman, when we cry in public, we feel crazy. We fear that people think we are crazy. I am highly emotional. I don't want people to think that I am weak and vulnerable. These people have my future in their hands. I need recommendation letters and stuff. I don't want to be seen as fragile and anxiety ridden. We make jokes about me ending up in the fetal position in class, but I am not unstable. I feel things REALLY deeply. I don't want to be applauded for crying nor do I want to be thought of as weak, unstable or crazy. My relationship with classmates and professors is not deep enough to sustain that kind of vulnerability. It reminds me of 1 Cor 13:7 in The Mirror Translation, "Love is a fortress where everyone feels protected rather than exposed!" I didn't feel protected, I felt exposed. I didn't feel loved. I'm grateful next week is spring break and I hope the shame/vulnerability that I feel will melt away by then.

I want to be very clear. I do not blame my professor! It is not his fault. I totally forgive him. He is a great teacher and a great man. I am grateful he is in my life. (I'm not just saying this to save face, it's true.) I in no way am writing this to defame his character. I am just journaling out my feelings about how things went down as an attempt at catharsis. I am not mentioning his name on purpose and the only way that anyone from that situation will ever see this is if they are already following me, which I highly doubt.

I don't even know if this is all of it. This is just the top layer of emotions right now. This is my prayer, my offering to God to heal my hurting heart.

I covet your prayers.

When parenting looks a whole lot like martial law

2017-02-05T07:05:00.002-08:00

Long before Trump was ever even the official nominee, and I was trying to wrap my brain around how to vote for him, I had a dream. I know there are lots of different kinds of dreams. There are "I ate weird food" dreams, "I am mentally processing my life" dreams and I believe that there are "God" dreams. I tell about my dream in my last post. I personally think it was a God dream, but I understand that other people had dreams that were pro-Hillary that they felt like were God dreams too. I didn't mean for this post to be about dreams so I am just going to say that I don't think that means that God is schizophrenic. I think God could have used either of them. But that's really a whole different post. In the dream I had there was a quality that was highlighted to me and that is "the father heart of God." So I have been thinking and praying about Trump and America and the crazy mess we are in. Something changed when Trump was elected. Like that night, there was a chemical change in America. We brought two things together and they turned into something brand new. We have not seen in my lifetime, in my opinion, the amount of protests, and rioting and whining that we have seen since he was elected. The media seems to have lost its ever loving mind. Can you imagine there being "alternative facts" in the 80's? People lost their jobs for this stuff back in the day. I have been thinking and really a phrase has been rolling around in my spirit for the last week or so that America is acting like a spoiled child and is in need of discipline. We are acting like a 3 year old throwing a temper tantrum in Walmart. This morning as I was praying I was thinking about this and God reminded me of there dream and Trump being a carrier of the father heart of God. I felt like the Lord asked me, when a spoiled child is acting out, what does a loving parent do? It brings discipline. If we apply that metaphor to an entire nation, what does discipline look like? Setting "temporary bans" so your friends can't come over? Reallocating your benefits so that your priorities are straight. And I think if that doesn't work, it looks like martial law. I think you get your butt whooped. (this isn't a place to debate spankings or time-outs.) i grew up in a home that believed in spankings and I do too. I think it's biblical. I also think that each kid can be disciplined differently. But I think that what we are seeing if Trump acting as a father of kids who have had it their way for the last 8+ years and are now feeling very entitled and spoiled. (This is not just Obama's fault. I actually think a lot of it goes back to FDR and the New Deal.) I think he is stepping in to remind them that the life they are living is a privilege and they need to have the character to sustain that blessing. I think that discipline can be misconstrued if you don't fully understand the heart of the father. I think it can feel abusive. I also think parents can be qbusive if they don't know the heart of their child. Discipline and reward must happen from a place of vulnerability and intimacy. I think America needs discipline right now. I hope we don't have to go through martial law (or worse) to get straightened out. I pray that America will have a clear understanding of the father heart of God and the father heart of Trump. I pray that America will quit acting so spoiled. I pray that if there is any immaturity, entitlement, or other things that are causing me to act like a spoiled child that I would see it for what it is and repent. *When I say spoiled I am not talking about being pro or against certain issues. Don't confuse this with a political statement. I am talking about a spirit or mentality that has changed the way we respond to situations. The whining and ranting on social media, the media craziness, the protests. In and of themselves, they are fine. I am talking about something behind the scenes. You may not agree with me and that's fine. We don't have to see eye to eye. But we do have to love each other no matter what. Let me know what you think.

Why I voted for Trump

2017-01-19T16:54:00.003-08:00

I've been thinking about tomorrow and what it means for our country. As many of you know, I voted for Trump. To say that I don't share in the apprehension with the rest of American's about our collective future would be a blatant lie. While I don't owe anyone an explanation regarding my personal choice to vote for Trump, I want to give one anyway along with what I honestly think the next four years will look like. 

When voting, I did not think it would be a legitimate race for anyone other than Hillary or Trump, so I was forced to choose from them only. (I wonder how many of us felt like that and could have voted in a 3rd candidate, but that's another issue.) My choices were incredibly difficult. I could vote for a 3rd party and thereby throw away a vote, which may give way for someone like Hillary to win the election. That was not going to happen. My vote was very much, "Not Hillary, even if it means Trump." I do not trust Hillary. I do not believe that she has the good of America nor the Kingdom of God as her compass. I do not believe she would have been a good President. I hate her foreign policy. I hate her domestic policy. There was not even 1% of me that was willing to let her win. The thought of her nominating Supreme Court Justices made me want to puke/cry. So if she is not an option and the 3rd party candidates are not an option, that leaves me with Trump and I blame the RNC for that. But these are the cards I have been dealt, so here's how I feel about these cards. 

Many people like to bring racism into the Trump campaign, and I fully acknowledge that he has said some HORRIBLE things. For me, the fact that Hillary is a strong advocate of Planned Parenthood, is also a sign that she is racist.  If you know the history of Planned Parenthood and Margaret Sanger, you cannot deny the roots. One of the most dangerous places to be, if you are black, is in your mother's womb. So if I am forced to judge on who is less racist, I choose Trump. (I know many of you will see this as a stretch.) I saw all the things that everyone else saw: his multiple marriages, his horrible behavior, etc and in the face of an extremely tough choice between a woman who I believe is extremely corrupt and will lie, cheat and manipulate her way out of anything and who also is very pro-abortion (or at least pro-choice) or a man who has said terrible things, is married to a woman who posed naked, is on his third marriage. It was a terrible predicament. I thought many times over the last year about the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words."

But the real thing for me is that there are systemic problems that I see in America that I think need to be changed. So yes, very much in spite of all of those things, I chose him and I am genuinely hopeful that his experience as a business man will help improve our economy. I am hopeful that he will bring back jobs and help eradicate our debt. I may be incredibly naive. And let's not forget the chance to nominate Supreme Court Justices. How hopeful I am that Trump will nominate Godly candidates and how terrified I was of who Hillary would nominate. For the life of me I don't know why the Republican Party didn't put forth a more solid candidate. Why they didn't force some of the weaker candidates to drop out of the race earlier so that Cruz had a better shot in the primaries over Trump. This may have been an easy decision for many people. But it wasn't an easy choice for all of us. It was easy between the two choices I had but it was not easy in general. I also can't deny that my particular flavor of faith greatly influences my decision.

If I haven't lost most of you yet, I will likely lose you here. I am a part of and follow the Charismatic tradition of Christianity. During the whole process of Trump running for nomination, I was listening both to people who I respect as church leaders in my tradition as well as my own internal sense of hearing God speak about who should be elected. There were lots of comments made from pulpits that I initially thought were crazy. I had multiple conversations with friends about how I thought this one preacher had lost his ever loving mind because he was pro-Trump from the onset. I continued to listen and pray. Many have talked about him being a Cyrus, out of Isaiah 45. 

Then I had a dream.

In my dream there were 2 significant parts. The first section, I was given a certain amount of tickets to go to a gala where Trump was going to be and another certain amount of tickets to go see the band Housefires play in concert. I begged my friends to go with me to see Trump because it was a "once in a lifetime event."  While at the gala, we were in a ballroom and Trump was going around and talking to people. He came up and greeted us and was so incredibly fatherly. It was really shocking to me. He was very kind and tender and genuine. Then the scene switched and we were at a football field and it looked like a presidential procession of limo's was parked by the football field. Trump was leaving. Everyone was on the opposite side of the fence from him except for me and my friends. One of my friends had a 'fan-girl' moment and was screaming "We Love You Trump." Security guards stopped her from getting close to him. But a red heart balloon was released from the limo. The second scene began at a movie theater. Me and my friends were at a movie theater which had been rented out to host the Housefires concert. I was in line for the concession stand and my friend Nicole (who wasn't a part of my group) saw my friend Jenn (who was a part of my group) and they began running to each other to hug. Their impact, caused Jenn to fall backwards and land in a chair. She hurt her right foot and was crying and saying something like "I give up."  I laid hands on her and began to pray for her to be healed and spoke very clearly to her that it was time for her to get up and walk. (The End). 

I do a little bit of dream interpretation, and I feel like what this dream means is that Trump is walking or will walk in the Father heart of God and release a wave of love over America.  I also think the second part means that there has been an adulteration of the praise and worship movement and it's become incredibly commercialized. I believe God is restoring/healing us so that we can worship in spirit and truth. (My friend Jenn has a tattoo on her right foot in real life that has spirit and truth written on it.)  How will this happen?

I think that the only way the healing could occur in Jenn was for the accident to happen to cause either awareness of the problem or the problem itself. I think not only based off my dream but also based off the reports of other preachers, that Trump is going to be a wrecking ball and is going to cause some systemic things that are counter-kingdom to come crumbling down. I think it will likely be very painful and uncomfortable.  I think there will be days when all the people who hate Trump will say to people like me, "See, I told you he was horrible. Don't you feel like an idiot. Don't you regret your choice."  And I (and other Trump supporters) will likely feel tempted to say yes I regret it. The same is true when any hard circumstance happens and we are tempted to deny God's nature and character. Just yesterday, I was comforting a friend who didn't get a job she wanted and in the midst of her disappointment she was tempted to not believe in the goodness of God. So it's not a stretch for me to believe that many of us might regret electing Trump at some point in the next four years. But somewhere in the midst of all of this, I am hopeful that it will turn around. That what seems like devastation now will turn into good later. That what looks like a forest fire will be a place where new growth comes in and things are much healthier. I am hopeful that our economy will be much healthier in four years. I hope that Trump does a good enough job in the first four that he is re-elected. 

I am gravely concerned that he will be representing America and feel free and fine to make HORRIBLE racist and misogynistic comments like he made in the last year (let alone his life.) I sincerely hope we don't see that from him while president. Even if we do, he should not be the standard we set for our kids. No president should be. Not Obama, Bush, Clinton, Ford, Nixon, Carter or Reagan. They all made horrific mistakes. Cheating, Weapons of Mass Destruction, Lying, Etc. Trump will not be the first president who we don't want as a role model for our kids, nor will he be the last. Moms, dads, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, etc...you be the role model. 

If you don't like something that Trump does, don't be silent. Write/Call your representatives. Stage peaceful protests. Start non-profits that fight against whatever he did. Give money to ones that already exist. Start local. 

As an addendum: I believe that names mean things. Donald means: 1) Great Chief, World Mighty, and Dark Stranger. John means: The grace or mercy of the Lord. I think the fact that John was the beloved is significant. I am praying that The grace and mercy of the Lord will cause Donald John Trump to be a great chief. 

And with that, I am going to end with a prayer:

Jesus, I ask that you bless President Obama and Michelle as they leave the White House tonight. I pray that you cover them and make your face known to them. As they continue to walk as role models in the world, I pray that they would come to know you personally (if they don't already) and I pray that they would be used for your glory. Jesus, I ask that you be with President Donald John Trump, his wife Melania, their son Barron, his kids Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr.   I pray that you would cover them in your protection. I ask Jesus that you would send angels to guard and protect them each and every day over the next four years. I pray that you would they all would come to a saving knowledge of you. I pray that you would use them for your kingdom purposes. I pray that they would be able to walk as role models that bring healing to our land. I pray that Trump would not only bring our nation to a better place economically but also that he would become a champion for the poor, disenfranchised, for women, for minorities. I pray that people would see Trump as an ally instead of as a combatant.  God I pray that you would give Trump wisdom and knowledge, I pray that you would bring him Godly advisers. I pray that you would give him grace and strength to do this task. God I pray that you would humble America and bring healing to her so that we can once again be a nation after your heart. God, I ask that you would bring revival to America. If that comes through Trump working as a wrecking ball, I pray that you would be with us as we go through the fire. God, many Americans are caught up with fear tonight. I pray that you would help us to walk in love and that love would overcome fear. Jesus I pray that you would be glorified in my life, in my country from this day and forevermore. Amen.

The Discipline of Community: How Syrian Refugees and the Girl Next Door are really no different.

2015-11-17T17:01:00.002-08:00

Most of my life I have always considered myself an extrovert. I have always loved being around people. The older I get, I also have begun to appreciate having time alone to myself, as well. For the past three months, I have lived in a new town. I have been by myself 90% of the time. As hard as it is for an extrovert to be forced into a season of quiet, I think it's when I learn the most from God.

It usually takes me a while to stop the noise, and I don't know if I will ever get it fully stopped. Usually my brain starts over analyzing things and I can't get it to shut off. But somehow in this process of very unintentional meditation, I find God speaking to me. I usually get here because I feel small, alone and I realize how much I need God in my life.

All my life I have struggled between balancing my Texas independent, "I can do this myself", attitude with a genuine dependence on God's empowering grace. It's really hard for me to find the balance there.

I really just hate the whole notion of being dependent on people. I hate feeling weak and vulnerable. I so desperately want to be a self-made woman. Deep in my core I am the most arrogant, proud, selfish person who ever existed. I would love nothing more than to build my kingdom and lord it over everyone, that I did it. With my chest all puffed out, roaring like a gorilla at my audience, "I am something special."

I think one of the greatest lessons we learn in life is to do community well. It is difficult to mix with people who are different from us, who are annoying, who challenge us and to love them well. It's the whole iron sharpening iron idea. I hate it! I have spent most of my life feeling wounded from getting the edges knocked off of me, and now my heart hurts. In many ways, I don't want to be around people anymore. This isn't me trying to blame the church. This is me saying why I have such a hard time being in community. I mostly feel misunderstood, under appreciated and like I am a failure. I am incredibly sensitive when it comes to sarcasm. Those little jabs hurt my heart. I feel like the world has told me that I need to develop thick skin. Maybe it's not my responsibility to develop thick skin. Maybe ~~the world,~~ the church needs to do a better job of loving and exhorting and admonishing people. I for one always feel like I'm not "supernatural enough" (I come from a charismatic tradition) or I'm way too intense. I need to be silly and simple and not think so much. I'm too smart for my own good. Everybody is always intent on trying to change me.

Because of all of this, the lack of community in my life is well beyond a point of deeply disturbing. I haven't been a member of a body of believers that I wasn't in charge of, consistently, since I moved away from Madison in 2005.

This makes it very hard to have a "multitude of wise counselors" in your life. Sure I have friends who know me deeply and are believers, so they can fill those roles. But they are scattered from Colorado to Wisconsin to Texas to Florida and I am in New Mexico. The lack of day in and day out community has turned me into one of those people who just show up at church when there is a crisis. I am willing to let people in when my life is falling a part but anything further than that is miserable.

I don't want to care about other people's issues. I don't feel like others genuinely care about my issues. I don't have any reserves to offer people in need because I can't bother myself to "really" spend time with God and allow him to fill me up. At least not enough, that I have something more to offer others. I am burnt out on humanity because I don't spend enough time with God to be filled with grace to love like he loves.

I wonder if that may be the issue with the majority of Christians in America? I wonder if the reason we don't want to open our doors to refugees, aside from rampant fear, is the fact that we don't have the emotional or spiritual energy to love our neighbors. I think it is INCREDIBLY easy to become a carnal Christian, who lives a very moral life but is not really filled with the spirit of God nor empowered by him to do things. I think it's really easy to allow the comfort afforded us by living in the West to be a much louder voice than the cries of the broken. In many ways, that's how I would describe myself these days. I'm just a going through the motions, barely moral person. I guess it all depends on who I am comparing myself to. Compared to some I feel like a heathen. Compared to other's I'll the next person to be nominated for sainthood.

I just bought my friend a copy of Richard Foster's "Celebration of Discipline." I have felt for some time God calling me to be more disciplined in areas of my life. I have blown it off, convincing myself it was last night's pizza. Discipline is difficult. It is sacrificial. It is a place where the rough edges are knocked off of you, revealing a beautiful masterpiece underneath. Maybe it's time I choose to celebrate the discipline of community once again.

A New Take on Dove's Eyes

2015-11-07T22:32:00.001-08:00

2 Sam 6:7-- "The Lord’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God."

I think for humanity, at least Christian-God fearing humanity, there is nothing more frightening than the feeling that you are disappointing God. For passionate, God-fearing, people who want to do what is right, when they experience a threat of what they value, there is a visceral reaction that comes from deep within, that overrides their understanding of right vs. wrong.

I think that's what happened in Uzzah's case. He knew the right answer. Don't touch the ark. And yet, when put in a situation that felt threatening to the holiness and sanctity of the moment, his passion over ruled his understanding and he reached out his hand. The penalty was death. Out of all of the stories in the Old Testament, where people want to misconstrue the character of God as a nefarious dictator, this one should rank at the top. It would be so easy to allow this story to completely jack with our notion of a good and loving God. But, reader be warned, if you don't dig deeper, you will miss something very important in this story.

In Matthew 8:23-27, there is another story that has similar significance. The disciples and Jesus are crossing the lake. Jesus is napping. A storm begins to threaten their existence and the disciples wake Jesus in a panic. Who could blame them? And yet Jesus responds by calling them a people of "little faith." That was the first century equivalent of ---

Another passage of scripture, in Ephesians 4:1-6, has a less obvious connection, but yet, it connects on a much deeper level. In this passage, Paul is admonishing (to use a fancy bible word) the early church to choose unity at all costs.

There were significant threats to the early church. While Christians in the 21st century freak out over the differences between the prosperity gospel and the liberation theology (aka the poverty gospel), the LGBTQ (and any other initials) place in or out of the church, and so many other worthwhile theological issues that need exploring--in reality, we have nothing on the early church when it comes to divisive issues.

I'm writing an exegesis of this passage in Ephesians, and in my paper I write, "Unfortunately, as the church grew into maturity, it faced countless perversions of the gospel. Leaders chose to draw lines in the proverbial sand, in order that they might prevent heresies from ruining the church."

For me, there is a distinct correlation between all three of these stories. Quite simply it boils down to a lack of trust in God's ability to deal with what we perceive as a "hot mess."

In the case of the falling Ark, Uzzah decided that it would be better if he steadied the Ark, than if it fell to the ground, causing much shame and disgrace. But in God's eyes, David shouldn't have been transporting the Ark that way to begin with. God uses tragic, horrible circumstances to teach us that his ways are right. It would have been better for the Ark to fall to the ground and for the whole entourage to be forced to go through the ritualistic process of repentance and purification, so that the Ark could be transported correctly. Holiness is absolutely worth doing it right. It was worth, Uzzah losing his life. God would have preferred that David transport the Ark correctly, so that Uzzah wouldn't have put in that situation. God's not vindictive. But when David didn't do things correctly, Uzzah still had his own choice to follow God's commands and he didn't choose right.

I think sometimes we don't believe God can pick up the pieces and make things right again.

In the case with the lake, the disciples didn't really believe Jesus was who he said he was, despite having witnessed countless miracles. Worst case scenario, the boat sinks and they all drown. That would be a worst case scenario, except Jesus can raise people from the dead and walk on water. Soooo, don't panic. Trust Jesus. He can turn this stuff around.

Finally, in Ephesians, the early church made decisions about who was in and who was out. They argued over the inclusion of the Gentiles, much like we argue over the inclusion of the _________. Insert the name of any group there, because we argue over a lot of people. In the face of tragedy, the hardest thing to do is to keep loving Jesus ferociously. We want to defend God's honor. It is so dang hard to let the chips fall where they may and keep loving God and each other. Jesus prays that love and unity will be our defining marker. When people threaten our understanding of the way to do things, we want to draw lines in the sand. I think Jesus just says, love me and love each other. The great commandments are summed up in these two, "love the lord your god with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself."

God didn't ask us to keep the ark from hitting the ground or to freak out over the proverbial sinking boat or to draw lines about who is in or who is out.

He just said, Love me and Love Them. Even in the worst case scenario, God can redeem the earth. Do you really believe that he is that good? It takes a lot of faith to let everything you love go down the crapper. It takes A LOT OF FAITH to keep your eyes on Jesus and release love, when it looks like everything is burning down.

Do you have what it takes to keep your eyes on Jesus and not reach out and steady the ark, freak out in the storm and to allow people to teach things about Jesus that make your skin crawl?

I think that's what it is about. It is a deep tethering in your spirit to the nature of God, that he is an overcomer, and he alone is responsible to clean up this stuff. My job is to love him with everything I am and to love those around me, with every ounce of energy I have as well.

But these are just my thoughts and maybe I'm one of the people who are screwing things up. Are you gonna love me anyway?

It's time to move beyond "Do No Harm"

2015-10-27T14:22:00.004-07:00

2015 has been a remarkable year. Popular culture in the United States is evolving and I believe that socio-anthropologists are well equipped to address these evolutions. The first issue that anthropology is particularly well-equipped to address is gender related topics. Whether comparing and contrasting the roles of men and women, women in the west to women in the east, the emergence of metro-sexual and lumber-sexual as re-definitions of masculinity, the promotion and acceptance of trans-gendered persons or any number of other issues, I believe that anthropology has the potential to speak into these topics and guide Americans in what it means to be human. After all according to Texas Tech's website, "The discipline of anthropology is uniquely positioned to both educate and engage students about the human condition."

The second issue that I believe anthropology is particularly well equipped to address is the issue of race and racism in America. Many people will emphatically disagree with me, since the standard approach in anthropology is to deny that race even exists. While I completely agree that there is no biological markers that allow for scientific segregation, as anthropologists we cannot allow scientific data to blind us from the very real cultural phenomena that take place on a daily basis. Many will argue that acts of racism are not really about race, but about politics, economics, education levels, etc. While that may be true, I envision a world where anthropologists are using their unbiased approach to studying a variety of cultures which begins to create conversation points for the culture at large. It is no longer okay, in my humble opinion, to allow the voice of anthropologists to be locked away in academic castles, but we must use our collective voice to go beyond "do no harm" and begin to "do good".

In 2015, We Need a Higher Standard, like a Platinum Rule.

2015-10-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

Is the answer to questionable ethics, as simple as "Follow the Golden Rule?"

Most people are taught from a very early age, "Do unto others as you would like to be done unto you."

As adults, we know that there are various standards for ethical behavior, depending on one's profession. In the world of research; medical doctors, psychiatric doctors, sociologists, and anthropologists are held to a specific standard to protect people from being hurt emotionally or physically.

There are a few cases that are remarkable for the appalling nature of their ethical violations. One such case is, "The Guatemala Syphilis Experiment."

Wikipedia states that from 1946-48, the United States conducted experiments in Guatemala whereby doctors infected "soldiers, prostitutes, prisoners and mental patients with syphilis and other sexually transmitted diseases, without the informed consent of the subjects, and treated most subjects with antibiotics. This resulted in at least 83 deaths."

While the National Research Act (1974) had not been signed into law at this time to govern these practices, it should not take laws to tell people that this kind of behavior is beyond unethical, it is criminal. Since these days, we have witnessed men help legally accountable for their medical research in the famous Nuremberg Trials and I believe the people who participated in the Guatemala Syphilis Experiment should also be held legally responsible, just as the holocaust doctors were in the Nuremberg Trials.

There are other cases that have certainly been, at a minimum, disrespectful towards people's cultural heritage. In 1991, Archaeologist and Louisiana State professor, Heather McKillop followed Canada's protocol in the Ontario Cemeteries Act.

According to The Star.com, "For remains deemed very old and aboriginal, there are two choices under the Ontario Cemeteries Act: One is to contact the closest First Nations group, which in this case was the Alderville First Nation. The second option is to consult with the most likely people descended from the dead."

McKillop, followed this protocol by choosing the first option, which was to ask the closest geographical group of native peoples' (Alderville First Nation) permission and it was granted. The chief of the Alderville at the time was Nora Bothwell. In the process of research, McKillop discovered that the bones she dug up were not in fact from the Alderville First Nation but instead from a different tribe, the Huron-Wendat.

According to The Star, Bothwell said, "the bones were expected to be repatriated and that she hadn't initially known the skeletons were Huron-Wendat."

The ethical question then, is McKillop ethically responsible to return the bones to the Huron-Wendat, who are extremely eager to have them returned, and have proven so by filing a law suit. If the former chief of the Alderville First Nation were expecting the bones to be repatriated, I cannot see a reason why McKillop would not return them to the Huron-Wendat as well. Anthropologists and Archaeologists, we will never have a peaceful relationship with the First Nations people if we continue to rape and pillage their cultural heritage. Whether we agree or not, the First Nations people continue to feel as though we are doing just that every time we choose our science needs over their cultural heritage needs.

Ethics should be a basic common denominator in research, but unfortunately we live in the 21st-century, where people have wildly different values and morals. The Golden Rule is not enough anymore, we need a platinum rule. I hope that when it comes time for me to make ethical decisions in research, I will do so with more than just my own interests in mind.

Cupcake Wars

2015-07-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

Everyday we go into places of business that have the right to refuse service foe any number of things: "no shoes, no shirt, no service"; if you are drunk a bar can deny you another glass, etc. In the 50's blacks were denied service because of skin color. Today gays are denied wedding cakes because of whom they chose to marry.

In my opinion: businesses have the right to deny service. It doesn't mean that I like it or will ever buy from them. As a business owner, I made specific decisions to market myself to specific clients. I don't want to work for Pepsi or Microsoft. My product and price would be a joke to them. It's perfect for small businesses. So if a large company came courting me, I would refuse their service. I might also refuse their service because I disagree with who they support. But that's my business, literally. If I want to limit my clientele and my cash flow, then let me.

On the flip side: In my opinion. It is incredibly dumb to refuse to service people because of sin. If you believe homosexuality is a sin and are denying from that basis what about ever other client you have that is a sinner in some form or fashion? This is a good place for the word hypocrite. You yourself are a sinner. Christians have missed the grace boat. That all being said, if you want to deny service, I think you should be allowed to and not face consequences from the courts. But if your business tanks, then you are reaping what you sowed, just like every other business owner when they make poor decisions.

In my opinion: Denying service to blacks and gays are NOT the same. It's not a sin to BE black. It's not a sin to BE gay. It is a sin to 1) have extra marital sex and 2) to have sex with your own gender. Your identity is not a sin. It's the action you take with your identity. Thus it is WRONG to discriminate based on identity and DUMB to discriminate based on sin, but you have the right to be DUMB not WRONG.

I for one am grateful for the demolishing of to walls that is happening in the us/them culture in the church. Pretentious living is exhausting. Balancing the truth that we are all "sinners saved by grace" with a pursuit of holiness is challenging.

I want to want to want to be holy. But mostly I want to finish watching Netflix.

Raining and Reigning

2015-04-13T15:46:00.002-07:00

Several months ago, I was introduced to Graham Cooke's interactive journal, "The Crafted Prayer." I rushed through it and began my first crafted prayer. Basically Graham has you ask God what is your inheritance, and then you listen for the word or promise, and then begin meditating on some scriptures about the said promise. My word was goodness.

I began to meditate on Psalm 27:13, Psalm 25:7, Exodus 33:19, Jeremiah 31:4, and Hosea 3:5 (this one was not an initial verse, but came later through a conversation with a friend).

So I asked a normal question: What does your goodness mean?

Jesus remembering NOT the sins of my youth
Goods/property
Fairness/beauty/joy/prosperity
Goodness of taste/discernment
Goodness of intelligence/goodness of understanding
The kindness of God
That which is good or best of any
Hiddenness/protection (in the cleft of the rock)
Refuge
A warning of the Lord about an upcoming attack, that God has in his control and will display his goodness in. He is trustworthy.
A response to seeking. Both Moses and David earnestly were seeking the Lord
Grace in the wilderness
Rest
Causing dancing of merriness
Something that is so overwhelming we tremble with awe before the Lord
Plant and taste your harvest
Regathering of those scattered
No more sorrow
Mourning changed to joy
Priests shall have fatness/favor/full bellies/well nourished/smooth roads
Satisfied
Rewarded for your work
Children will return to their proper borders
A habitation of justice
A mountain of holiness
Replenished

So now what? What do I do with this information? So many times we attribute God's goodness to circumstantial changes in our lives (i.e. raises, promotions, proposals, etc). Is God's goodness for real or is it just another way that the health and prosperity gospel has portrayed a truth about God's character. What I mean is, I know God is good because the Bible says he is good but I also believe different theologies change what that goodness means or is translated to in our daily lives.

The next part of the journal suggests that if God is telling you that this is your inheritance, then we must believe that he in interceding for you about this issue. So what would those prayers sound like? If you could hear God praying for you, what would he say?

This is what I felt like I heard the Lord praying over me:

I pray Father that you would be merciful to Jill because of Your goodness and mercy, because of the blood I shed. I pray that her sins would be forgotten. I pray that her identity would not be embedded any longer in the sins of her youth, but that she would stand firmly in her identity as a daughter of the King.

I pray that Jill would have the Spirit of Wisdom and Knowledge, the Spirit of Revelation, the Spirit of Discernment to know and be able to judge rightly. I pray that the eyes of her heart would be enlightened and that she would know the height, width, depth and breadth of our love for her. I pray that she would know that if we are for her, who can be against her. I pray that her imagination would be captivated with the imagery of the delight and smile on your face towards her, Father. I pray that she would be confident of our affections towards her.

I pray that she will know how to be hidden in me, in the cleft of the Rock. I pray that she will know what the atonement means and how she is covered. I pray that in the face of accusation, she will respond with mercy and grace knowing that her sins have been forgiven and forgotten. I pray that she will respond out of her identity, not out of defensiveness. I pray that she will trust me and know that I am her defender and advocate. I am her reward. I pray that she will completely trust her life into my hands, knowing that I am for her and not against her. I pray that she will know that I have good plans for her. I pray that she will know that I have established her and given her a seat at the banqueting table in the presence of her enemies. I pray that when her enemies arise, that she will feast on my goodness. I pray that she will choose to exalt my name and worship me, for when that happens, my enemies (and hers by default) will scatter.

Ok, so that's kind of cool.

Today I was thinking about the rain in Lubbock. Lubbock is a farming community and because we get so little rain, the city never developed a drain system to catch the rain. So anytime it rains, the streets are flooded. The ground doesn't know how to receive the rain fast enough.

I feel like that's where my heart is at with God. I feel like the smallest amount of goodness is so overwhelming to me that it causes me to shut down. I need a drainage system. I want to be able to contain and store up his goodness in my life. I feel there is more coming, and I don't want to miss out on any of it because I can't receive it. God I pray that you would create in me a clean heart that has a very deep drainage and storage system so I can contain and hold your goodness. Amen. I don't even know if that's a correct prayer.

I was listening to my friend Wendy share about this subject this morning. I highly encourage you listen to it. Just click on her name and it will take you to a place where you can listen to her share about her journey of wrestling with God over promises he made, and her realization of what His goodness really means.

At the end she begins to discuss the things that kept her from fully knowing the goodness and love of God.

I think my two biggest issues are 1) I don't believe I deserve his goodness. Which means that I'm not walking in my new identity. My former self before Christ didn't deserve His goodness. I deserved death. However, the fact that I have chosen to identify with Christ means that I am hidden in Him and a new creation. I just don't walk in that reality everyday. It's like I forget and have to remind myself all over again. The second thing that I struggle with is that somehow I have believed that there is something more Holy or valid or something about sharing in the sufferings of Christ then being blessed by him. I don't know how to explain it but it's kind of like an woman who has been in abusive relationships her whole life has a hard time receiving love. The wires are just crossed and the re-wiring process is fairly painful.

All of that being said, I do believe that God can re-wire my brain and I can practice living in the reality of deserving his affections/goodness because I am a new creation. That's what I long for. I want to figure this out. I want to know that I know that I know that His goodness is for me and it is lavish and more than I could ever imagine. Whether that comes through raises, promotions or marriage proposals, I don't know or care. Sure, I want those things but they are absolutely nothing compared to being fulfilled by him, in him and through him.

That's my desire for this season. So I join Jesus in praying that I will come to realize what His goodness looks like in my life.

2015: welcoming a fresh start

2015-01-01T00:12:00.001-08:00

God, thanks for letting me see another new year. Thank you for being faithful through all the good and all the hard times this last year. Thank you for being with me every step of the way, for never leaving me or forsaking me. Thank you for always loving me and forgiving me, for being patient with me, for being slow to anger and quick to love. Thank you for your steadfast mercies which are new every morning. Thank you for being bigger than my failure, for choosing to use me even though I am weak and broken. Thank you for having a bigger picture for me than what my limited vision can see. Thank you for believing I can be more and do more than I know or believe about myself. Thank you for relentlessly pursuing my heart and the destiny you have called me to. Thank you for loving my family and fighting for them even when I forget or don't care to fight. Thank you for being a healer! Thank you for always being faithful to provide. Forgive me for being small minded, partnering with fear, doubt, lack, and anything else that is anti-Kingdom.

God forgive me for not stewarding things well, then responding out of fear and then making choices that usher in negative consequences. I ask that you baptize me with a greater measure of the fear of the Lord, and that Holy Spirit will give me strength to choose discipline so that I will be a good steward of the gifts you have given me. God I plead the blood of Jesus over my life and I ask that you destroy any strongholds of the enemy in my life that are connected to finances and intimacy. God I ask that you will usher me into greater revelation and freedom of finances and love this year. God I believe that there was a destiny that you had for me almost 20 years ago. I believe the enemy set me up and I made sinful choices that resulted in another walk in the wilderness. God I ask that this year will be the year that I see the promised land. God but before I do, I ask that you will finish the work of building the really strong foundation of character so that I can withstand the temptations of the devil.

God I ask that you would mark this year with intimacy with you that is mind blowing, life transforming, and foundation shaking. I ask that you would break through in all the places I have said no to you in the past and cause there to be no more no's in my heart. God I ask that you would give me new vision for creating a house of prayer at Texas Tech. God I ask that you would grip my life in such a way that I cannot live outside of your presence. God I pray that you would begin to move in signs and wonders at Texas Tech. I pray that you would teach me and show me how to create an environment where there is an expectation that you will show up.

God I pray that this year I would begin to see myself the way you see me. I pray that you would forgive me from all the times I have argued with you about who I am. I want to see through your eyes. Not only myself it others. God I pray that this year we would see honor birthed at Texas Tech. That no longer would we have to strive for honor but it would be tangible everywhere we go. I ask that you would grip the hearts of the college pastors and you would create in them a desire for unity and prayer like never before. God I ask that you would give me strength to choose you.

I declare that 2015 is going to be a year of prosperity, favor, intimacy, divine health, restoration, unity, revival, hope, a centering and a streamlining of priorities, a bullet train that is focused and swift like an arrow, all hindrances will be thrown off, there will be great advances for the Kingdom of God and in my life personally. I declare breakthrough and freedom from past bandages, shackles will fall off during worship. I declare liberty and liberality in the Lord this year. I declare in the name of Jesus that the warfare in the 2nd heaven that has successfully halted, delayed, or disrupted the plans of God over my life in the past will cease in 2015. I declare that there will be free flowing channels, open heavens, clarity of hearing and vision, and the weighty kabod glory of God hovering over me every day in 2015.

Jesus I declare that you are worthy and there is none like you! I pray that you will receive the reward of your suffering at Texas Tech. May your Kingdom come and your will be done at Texas Tech as it is in heaven.

Jesus you are beautiful. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Holy Spirit forgive me for anytime I have quenched you. Please flow freely in my life. Father thank you for wanting relationship with me and being faithful to make me a pure and spotless bride for your son.

May the name of Jesus be magnified and glorified in 2015 in all peoples of the earth. Amen!

Exegesis on Philippians 2:12-13

2014-12-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

In literary criticism, there is a debate on whether meaning is imbued by the author or by the reader. Whether the meaning of any particular text is subjective or not is not necessarily the point, but for the sake of argument, in this exegesis we will explore a variety of facets which potentially shape the meaning of the text. To effectively exegete this text, we must look at what Paul had in mind when he wrote the letter to the Philippian church. Thus, we must look at the context surrounding Paul personally, the political/cultural context in Philippi, and compare those findings with other writings which are attributed to Paul.

The city of Philippi was located in the north eastern corner of Macedonia. It is named after the father of Alexander the Great, Philip II of Macedon. In 168 BCE, Philippi became part of the Roman Empire when the Roman army defeated the Persians. Paul came to Philippi in approximately 49 AD. The official language of the area was Latin, but most people spoke Greek. “The religious life of those in Philippi was marked by very syncretistic practices including the worship of the emperor (Julius, Augustus and Claudius), the Egyptian gods Isis and Serapis, as well as many other deities.”^{^[1]} In Acts 16:1-40, we find the record of Paul’s second missionary journey to Macedonia. Paul was not originally planning on going to Macedonia, but Paul had a dream in which a man from Macedonia asked him to come. Paul traveled to Macedonia with Silas and they were imprisoned for casting demons out of the fortune telling slave-girl, thus interrupting her master’s financial gain. During their night in prison, an earthquake broke the foundations of the prison. Believing everyone to have escaped, the jailer was about to end his own life, when Paul and Silas, spoke up and revealed that they were all still there. Paul and Silas’ were then able to explain the Gospel of Christ and usher in salvation for the jailer and his family. Thus, this missionary journey was the birthplace of the church in Philippi. It was also the beginning of a people to whom this letter would eventually be addressed.
As for authorship of the book of Philippians, most scholars believe that Paul was the author. The writing style is consistent with all other Pauline writings. As for the date of the writing, much of that depends on when and where Paul was imprisoned, as written about in 1:12-26. There are three different possibilities which include Rome, Ephesus and Caesarea. There are Scriptural references which indicate Paul was imprisoned in both Rome and Caesarea. However both of these locales are a significant distance from Philippi, which makes the travel schedule that Paul outlines in Philippians difficult to imagine. While Ephesus is much closer, making the itinerary much more realistic, there is a substantial lack of evidence to prove that Paul was imprisoned in Ephesus. Most scholars believe that Philippians was written by Paul, while imprisoned in Rome, during 60-62 AD.
Now that we understand the background of this text, let us look to the text at hand. We see that in the New American Standard Bible, Philippians 2:12-13 is translated,

“So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”

Paul’s consistency in his writings must be our foundation for this exegesis. The context that surrounds verses 12-13 is incredibly important. The ultimate goal of the first chapter in Philippians is to lay a template that reveals Christ as the first son who chose humility and obedience, with Paul following in Christ’s footsteps, and an invitation for the church at Philippi to follow as well. This section begins with a phrase, ‘so then’ which is translated as ‘therefore’ in the ESV. The word therefore, always refers back to a previous principle, in which the author is trying to draw a correlation. In the case of 2:12, it refers back to the hymn about Christ’s obedience and humility in 2:5-11. In this verse Paul is not questioning the churches obedience nor is he issuing a stern command, but rather is applauding them on their behavior.

“Paul has no misgivings about the Philippian Christian’s obedience: unlike the Corinthians in the situation reflected in 2 Corinthians 10:6, they had always shown obedience, not so much to Paul as to the Lord whose apostle he was.”^{^[2]}

By inserting this hymn at this point in his letter to the church in Philippi, Paul is using the song as a literary exclamation point in the middle of his letter. For Paul faith in Christ is, in the end, articulated as obedience to Christ, not in the sense of adhering to the law but of submitting wholly to His lordship. This is the only obedience Paul is concerned with.[3] The significance of this context is its impact upon the following admonition to “work out your salvation.”

One key to understanding verses 2:12-13 is to determine whether Paul directed this command to the congregation or to each person individually. In Philippians: A Greek Student’s Intermediate Reader, Jerry Sumney wrote,

“…the verb and the reflexive pronoun that modify σώτηρίαύ are plural. This shows that the call to live out their salvation is a call to the Philippians as a community and anticipates that the matters to be raised in the following verses involve relations within the community.”^{^[4]}

If those modifiers had been singular, the context of this passage would have been altered significantly. Sumney is not alone in recognizing the corporate ramifications in this text. F.F. Bruce also believes in the communal concept of salvation. In the New International Biblical Commentary he writes,

“In this context Paul is not urging each member of the church to keep working at his or her own personal salvation; he is thinking of the health and well-being of the church as a whole. Each of them and all of them together, must pay attention to this.”^{^[5]}

Personal salvation is explicitly linked to eternal salvation, whereas corporate salvation is synonymous with sanctification. The term corporate salvation also lends itself to an entire community being transformed into a group of people who fully represent the Kingdom of God, and thereby offer an attractive alternative to the lifestyle of the non believers who are watching and judging the community as a whole. Thus the entire community is preserved or saved together, collectively. Moises Silva wrote, “One must ask, however, how it is that God works in the midst of people if not through their personal transformation.”^{^[6]} Silva believes that Paul is referencing personal salvation but is quick to admit that sanctification comes through community. Thus when we look back at 2:5-11, we see humility, which manifests as dying to self, is a requirement for the sanctification process. Just as Christ was humble and obedient to the point of death, so too should the Philippians choose to walk in humility and obedience. While looking at both sides of the debate on this Scripture are helpful, we cannot fully ascertain the meaning of Paul’s writings until we understand the words that he uses.

To fully understand the nuances of this text, we must further examine it in the original Greek language. The Greek word that is used in Philippians 2:12-13 for salvation is soteria.

“The KJV translates soteria as deliverance, preservation, safety, salvation (i.e. deliverance from the molestation of enemies; in an ethical sense, that which concludes to the soul's safety or salvation; of Messianic salvation; salvation as the present possession of all true Christians; future salvation, the sum of benefits and blessings which the Christians, redeemed from all earthly ills, will enjoy after the visible return of Christ from heaven in the consummated and eternal kingdom of God.)”^{^[7]}

Thus salvation can refer to liberation from a person’s current circumstances and also to the future liberation from Hell. Etymologically we are reminded that, in modern times, when an injury occurs it is typical to put an ointment or salve on the wound. In the same way, salvation is an ointment for our souls that brings healing and wholeness. Sin has left our souls broken and damaged and the road to restoration or salvation begins with Jehovah Raphe, The Lord our Healer, applying a salve to our souls and healing those broken places.

“The word ‘salvation’ comes from the same Latin root as ‘salve’, an ointment for healing. To be saved is to be made whole. In Greek the word is soteria, meaning not only salvation, but preservation. While there is a beginning point in our salvation experience, the point of repentance and justification—the time of our faith commitment to Jesus Christ—this is only the beginning. We are to ‘work out’ our salvation, to grow into maturing, into the full stature of Christ.”^{^[8]}

Maxie Dunnam, noted that salvation is not so much a onetime experience but more so a progression of experiences that happens in the life of every believer. The theological term for this is “sanctification.” The primary definition for sanctification in Webster’s Dictionary is “to make holy, set apart as sacred or to consecrate,” however, the third definition is to “render legitimate.”[9] Sanctification both legitimizes Christ’s sacrifice on the cross as well as rendering us legitimate to the Father.

When Paul speaks of corporate salvation, he is describing individuals who have experienced a personal salvation and are working it out corporately in the context of family. While the initial salvation encounter is intensely private, the sanctification process is worked out through daily interaction with believers in our community. This conviction finds its goal in deliverance/salvation, which from the beginning of time God has willed and plans to grant. In its implementation God’s work through his sanctifying Spirit is combined with the obedience of the believer as evidenced in 2 Thessalonians 2:13 “God chose you from the beginning for salvation, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.”[10] Thus, salvation cannot remain in one category or the other. It must be embraced in tension. A strictly personal view of salvation would lead to an immature faith that has never been sharpened in community. Likewise, if salvation were to remain entirely corporate, it would lead to a lack in personal relationship with God. Neither stream is beneficial or desirable. By staying in the tension, Christians best emulate the nature and character of God who delicately holds the balance between extremes in perfect unison.

“For all that, our dependence on divine activity for sanctification is nowhere made as explicit as here. To begin with, God’s work is viewed as having a causal relation to our working; our activity is possible only because of divine grace. Second the syntax is emphatic: Paul says not merely “God works” but “the one who works the working is God”. Third, the divine influence is said to extend not only to our activity but to our very wills—a unique statement, though the idea is implied in other passages (e.g., John 1:13, Rom. 9:16).”^{^[11]}

To further prove this, it is interesting to note that in Philippians 2:12-13, the word ‘work’ is mentioned three separate times. When we juxtapose the phrase “work out your salvation” in Philippians with Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, it would seem contradictory. In the NASB, Ephesians 2:8-10 is translated as,

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For, we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

As was stated earlier, context is incredibly crucial. One must not read v.12 without also reading v.13. Paul goes on to emphasize in v.13, that the working is not man-made effort but the grace of God made manifest in our lives. Silva reinforces this thought by saying,

“For those who admit the soteriological thrust of the passage, the tendency is to define verse 12 by means of verse 13 (or verse 13 by means of verse 12), that is to tone down human activity by appealing to divine grace (or vice versa). One may, for example, so emphasize the truth that God does not force us to act against our will, that as a result grace is restricted to little more than a spiritual aid: “God will help us along, but it’s really up to us.” Conversely, fear of legalism may lead us to a more or less passive understanding of sanctification: “Our responsibility is simply to rest in God’s grace, to let him work in us.” The text itself, by its very juxtaposition of those two emphases, cries out loudly against any such attempts at resolution. And the point here is not merely that both the human and the divine are stressed, but that in one and the same passage, we have what is perhaps the strongest biblical expression of each element.”^{^[12]}

While it is very natural for us to be polemic in our response, as Silva so beautifully articulates, we must embrace the tension found in these two verses to achieve the maximum balance and benefit.

The question now remains, what is the biblical application of Philippians 2:12-13? Quite simply, in order to legitimize or manifest the out-workings of your salvation, you must humbly submit to the sanctification process which is found in the context of community. First century Philippians lived in a tribal or familial system. Communities consisted of groups of families that were ruled by the leading patriarch. Therefore, when hearing a message from Paul in which they were instructed to ‘work out their salvation’, their worldview would mandate the interpretation of this Scripture as ‘salvation comes in the context of community’. Twenty centuries later, Americans are much more individualized. Today, salvation is almost always portrayed as a personal experience. The bridge that divides these twenty centuries is wide. As Americans, who have chosen to submit to the Kingdom of God, though, Scripture must trump our individualistic proclivities, thereby mandating our participation in community. In THE MIRROR, Francis Du Toit translates Hebrews 10:25 as,

“In light of our free access to the Father, let us extend that embrace to one another. Our gatherings are no longer a repetition of tradition but an essential fellowship where we remind one another of our true identity. Let us do so with greater urgency (now that the day has dawned in our understanding).”^{^[13]}

In this passage we can see more clearly what church is really about. It is a place where we remind one another of our true identity. The Church is about Christians understanding their place in the family of God as sons and daughters.

In these two short verses Paul amazingly articulates such profound thoughts on the concepts of personal versus corporate salvation, works versus grace, the fear of the Lord, as well as hints at what brings pleasure to God. It is no wonder why scholars have debated these verses throughout the centuries. As for the literary criticism and determining the meaning of this text, we absolutely cannot separate the first century context from the words that Paul wrote. Neither do we have the liberty to move then entirely into the 21^st century context. Just as we did with the concepts within we must balance the divide in careful tension. This is what makes Scripture beautiful in my opinion, it is a living document that spans time and is equally relevant to both the church in Philippi as well as the church in America two thousand years later.

[1] Marshall, I. Howard, and W. Ward Gasque, eds. The New International Greek Testament Commentary: The Acts of the Apostles. Grand Rapids, Mich.: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing, 1980.

[2] Bruce, Frederick F. New International Biblical Commentary: Philippians. Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 1989.

[3] Fee, Gordon D. "The Philippians "Affairs"-Exhortation to Steadfastness and Unity." In Paul's Letter to the Philippians, 233. Grand Rapids, Mich.: W.B. Eerdmans Pub., 1995.

[4] Sumney, Jerry L. Philippians: A Greek Student's Intermediate Reader. Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2007.

[5] Bruce, Frederick F. New International Biblical Commentary: Philippians. Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 1989.

[6] Silva, Moises. Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament: Philippians. 2nd ed. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Books, 1994.

[7] Strong, James. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. Updated ed. Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2007.

[8] Dunnam, Maxie D. The Communicator's Commentary: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Philemon. Edited by Lloyd J. Ogilvie. Waco, TX: Word Books, 1984.

[9] Webster, Miriam. Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sanctification (accessed: December 11, 2014).

[10] Balz, Horst and Gerhard Schneider, eds. In Exegetical Dictionary of the New Testament, "Soteria (deliverance, Salvation)." 327-329. Vol. 3. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing, 1993.

[11] Silva, Moises. The Wycliffe Exegetical Commentary: Philippians. Chicago, Il.: Moody Press, 1988.

[12] Silva, Moises. The Wycliffe Exegetical Commentary: Philippians. Chicago, Il.: Moody Press, 1988.

[13] Du Toit, Francois. "Hebrews 10." In Mirror Bible. 3rd ed. Hermanus, South Africa: Mirror Word Publishing, 2014.

Oh Ye of Little Faith

2014-12-03T20:25:00.000-08:00

I grew up listening to stories of the Civil Rights era and made a vow that I would be different. I wouldn't let ignorance blind me. I would fight for the worth of all those living. I never could understand how believers couldn't see that all of humanity was created in the image of God. I always said if I ever lived in an area where this was happening I would sit at the counter, ride the bus, march the march. I never thought I would get that chance. I thought surely we would be much more advanced in 2014 than it was in 1814. If we as a people have achieved such radical growth in industry, how have we not also grown ethically? I genuinely don't understand. Humanity. There is an inherent value just for being human.

While I truly believe that, nevertheless, there are still issues that feel like they threaten my faith. The choice between defending the truth and walking in compassion seem to be at odds. How did Jesus so perfectly balance Mercy and Justice? For me the issue has never been about pigments. That's a no-brainer. However when the recipe shifts to the sinful choices of other humans, I all to easily forget that I too am saved by grace. I flop like a fish out of water. There sin deserves punishment, where mine deserves grace. Ten minutes later. My sin deserves punishment, while there's deserves grace. Love, Holiness, Grace, Truth, Militants, Pacifism. A thousand opinions fill social media, but I see no white man/woman, laying down their life. Thousands of Atticus Finch's encouraging us to walk a mile in their shoes, but no one doing it. How is it lived out? I don't have the slightest idea. I am terrified of the conversations that desperately need to happen. I'm afraid the conversation will open closet doors that have ancestral skeletons, which will reveal that I am not as altruistic as I would like to believe I am.

I'm reminded of a quote by Mike Mason in his book "The Mystery of Marriage" that says something like, "You can stare at a starry sky and say that you feel closer to God, but the reality is that humans are created in His image. Therefore when you look in the face of the most despicable of humans, you are still closer to God than you are when you look at a sunset." Or I think Mother Teresa said that each time she cared for a leper, she was ministering to Jesus directly.

As believers, if we don't see that the same is true when we look into the face of anyone who has different color of skin than we do, bears a different sexual orientation, worships differently (including not just denominational differences, but yes even Muslims), then we have clearly not fully understood the message of the Cross and how far the divide was that separated us from God before it. There is no one that has come anywhere near the enmity that the entire human race had against God. "Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13. Until each one of us that calls ourselves by His name, picks up our cross and lays down our life for our fellow human beings, thereby walking out the highest form of love, we will continue to miss the message of the Gospel.

I know so many who want to take up arms and fight those that are different from us. Fight to defend the truth. Fight for God. In the story found in Matthew 8, we see a group of disciples that are panicked because they fear they will die at the hands of the storm. Jesus rebukes them for having little faith. I propose that if they had truly believed in the full revelation of Jesus, then they would have known that even in dying, God can raise the dead. When it comes to God, Life Always Wins. If your house and home are faced with a storm called Hate and you feel like you (and your opinions, beliefs, etc) are going to die, instead of panicking I encourage you to go ahead and die to self. Lay down your life for your friend. Walk in love and let Hate kill you. I know what happens on the 3rd day. Resurrection. Choose love. CHOOSE LOVE!

August: Worse than Chinese Water Torture

2014-08-13T21:56:00.002-07:00

In my crazy life these days I am leading and directing two campus ministries, running two different business endeavors, writing a bible study on the book of Esther, trying to spend time with family and friends as well as sleep 8 hours a day and eat healthy. There's no way that I accomplish all of it each day, but life is like math...you round up.

Here's what a typical week looks like for me:
On MWF (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) I teach English to two lovely Korean ladies from 10a-12noon. Then I take a 30 minute lunch. From 12:30-usually 6:30, I am working on a mixture of planning for Chi Alpha/Tech 24-7 campus ministry events and working to build both my business endeavors. Starting at 6:30, I usually meet with 1-2 people for an hour or so. Some of this is fun, some of it is work. Usually by 8:30, I am back at work finishing tasks that I didn't complete earlier in the day. If I'm lucky, I get to get in some writing. Today, I've written two blog posts and not written any for my book. It's now 11:37pm. I have been busy doing something for 13 hours, 11 of them work related.

On Tuesday/Thursday I don't have to be at work till 1 pm. It's great because I can use my mornings to catch up on sleep or run errands. These days it's making Office Depot/Cost-co trips to get prepared for the semester. I work from 1-5 on business/ministry stuff and usually have 2-3 meetings in the evening. I usually get home around 10 pm on these days. Saturday is spent catching up on anything that still needs to be finished, doing laundry, buying groceries, organizing life so that I can start it all again on Monday. I am very intentional in busy seasons like this to rest on Sunday. Sometimes I go to church, sometimes I stay home and watch church on the internet. Sometimes this is when I get a chance to write for my bible study. Sometimes I spend time with family.

I easily spend 50 hours a week working doing ministry and trying to grow two businesses. Usually it's more like 65+ hours a week.

For the last two years I have raised support as a campus missionary through Texas Tech. We used to bring in approximately $1000 a month with which I ran a ministry and 'took a salary'. In the last year, our support has dropped to approximately $500 a month. My businesses are bringing in about $400 per month.

Will you join with me in praying that God will release new finances into my life and the ministries I am leading? I don't care if those finances come through support raising or through new clients for these businesses. Once August is finished, my time will not be stretched so thin. I will be able to cut back to a normal 40 hour per week investment. It's always a struggle, but God has always been faithful and provided for my every need.

Ideally I would bring in $2500 personally plus an additional $2000 per month to cover ministry expenses for both campus ministries. This will cover printing costs, t-shirt production, fall retreats, supplies for CHOP and much more.

If you know of anyone or specifically a church that would be interested in supporting a missionary to Texas Tech, please feel free to give them my name and number. My information can be found at www.txtech247.com or www.xalubbock.com. Both organizations are 501(c)3's and therefore donations are tax exempt.

If you know a small to medium sized business that might need help with an assistant, you can send them to www.essentiallyjill.com. If you know an international student who needs help with English tutoring, you can send them to www.bathanan.wix.com/esltutor.

As with every day, I lay it all down at the foot of the cross and ask him to breathe on all my efforts and multiply them for the glory of His name. Thanks for joining me in prayer! Bless you!

Birthdays: Worse than Chinese Water Torture

2014-08-13T15:51:00.003-07:00

We've seen those movies like Tomb Raider or something where the main character is tied up and attached to a conveyor belt, which is whisking them away to a machine which will momentarily chop them into bits unless they are rescued.

That's how birthday's feel to me. There is a time and day and no matter how hard I try, I cannot escape getting older. It's not just the getting older thing, although that's a big part. For me the weeks preceding and the day itself are fraught with a myriad of mixed emotions and expectations.

The ideal situation: 1) I felt like compared to all other 39'ers I was successful. 2) I am surrounded by 10-12 deeply close friends, plus my family all of who are super excited that I am on the earth and can't wait to lavish me with love, words of encouragement, and walks down memory lane. 3) Those friends and family are so looking forward to celebrating me that they have purchased super intentional presents that will blow my mind with how much I am loved and known. 4) I would end the day telling God I am very grateful to be alive, how excited I am about turning 39, and can't wait to see what adventures lie ahead of us.

Reality (as I see it): 1) Despite my internal believe if you love Jesus and are loved by him then you are successful. The reality is that we live in a culture that defines success very differently. Marriage: Kids: Degrees: Jobs: Bank Accounts, Clothing Size, etc....that's how our culture defines success. I am a failure based on those definitions. I can't help but look at my life compared to my peers and feel like a 12 year old pretending to be a grown up. Yes, I know....comparison is the thief of joy. Somebody quick...call 911. My joy just got stolen by the Birthday Monster. 2) Relationships are difficult. I have had some friendships in my life that have been deeply profound and meaningful. Unfortunately, many of them live thousands of miles away. I have a few peer relationships in Lubbock. The other unfortunate thing is that 99.9% of the time I feel like a burden to bear rather than a friend to be celebrated. I don't feel like a priority or a treasure. Quite frankly if I didn't bring up my birthday and Facebook didn't notify you, I honestly wonder who would remember my birthday. I've thought about testing that theory, but I don't know that I could handle the disappointment I would feel if no one called or did anything. My love tank certainly is at an all time low. 2b) Furthermore, new relationships are tough! It's hard to invest in new relationships. 2c) More than that, the writing of this blog can be misconstrued as manipulative and that's the last thing that I want. Actually, the difficulty is how do you express very real emotions and needs/wants. It seems that it either forces people to celebrate you when they may not have wanted to do it initially and then you get in an ugly cycle of forcing action, and feeling as though the reaction isn't genuine or you say what you feel and nothing changes. It's a very complicated path to navigate in my opinion. 3) Finances are tight all around. Presents will be rare. 4) I will go to bed half happy/half sad. Life will continue.

So after thinking about all of this, I tend to do one of two things: I become more distant, less dependent, and more independent. I don't need people. I am perfectly ok all by myself. I'll cancel all festivities, go spend time with Jesus and live in my own happy bubble. Option 2, which is much harder, is to choose to be grateful for whatever is given. Let go of expectations. Tell God that you want to be loved, and open your heart to love. And be grateful. It's crazy ridiculous hard. It's hard to trust that God can do it. That he can fill your love tank and emotional cup, even though you've witnessed him doing it 1000 times first hand. It's hard to release expectations from people. To quote Will Reagan, it's hard to "climb this mountain with my hands wide open."

I was telling someone the other night that most of the time I feel as though everything about me is intrinsically wrong. The way I think, work, dream, love, etc is wrong. Never good enough.

I know many of you won't believe me but this isn't depression talking. I'm not depressed. Life is hard. There are spiritual, emotional, supernatural battles that we face daily. The "working out our salvation" process is real and painful. Life makes me realize I need Jesus, every moment of every day. Just like I do with the love of God, I often have to choose to believe daily that people love me. Even though their actions are not as I would like them to be. I will believe my family loves me and my friends love me because 1) I am worth being loved and 2) because they say so and attempt to show it in their own way.

Ok. so that's it. You have 10 days till I turn 39. You can do whatever you want to do. I am surrendering it all to God and trusting that he will work it all out. ...

PS. You think this was dramatic....just wait till next year when I turn 40!

Worshipping with the Psalms

2014-05-09T13:25:00.001-07:00

A while back i noticed that lots of my music was written based on the Psalms in scripture, and I was curious if I could compile a playlist based on the Psalms. Here's what I came up with so far:

Psalms 2                                  by Heather Clark
4:8                                           by Daniel Lehmann
13                                            by Shane & Shane
18                                            by Cory Asbury
18, 50    by Enter the Worship Circle/First Circle
19                                            by Sheri Keller
23                                            by Justin Barnard
24                                            by Cory Asbury
25                                            by Justin McRoberts
25-30                                       by EWC/First Circle
27                                             by Shekinah
27:4                                          by Dwayne Roberts
29                                             by Todd Ganovski
30                                             by Emily Schiavi
33                                             by Jon Thurlow
34                                             by Seeds Family Worship (kids music)
37:4    by Daniel Lehmann
42 by Heather Clark
50 by EWC/First Circle
55 by Heather Clark
56 by Daniel Lehmann
57 by Heather Clark
62 by Will Reagan. Another version also by Shane & Shane.

63                                             by Heather Clark
84                                             by Heather Clark
93                                             by Justin Rizzo
96                                             by Daniel Lehmann
97                                             by Heather Clark
100                                           by Matt Gilman. Another version also by Heather Clark.
108                                           by Will Regan
118                                           by Shane & Shane. Another version also by Heather Clark.
121                                           by The Covenant
126                                           by Charlie Hall
130                                           by Daniel Lehmann
139                                           by Justin Barnard
142                                           by Heather Clark
143                                           by Shane & Shane
145                                           by Shane & Shane
150                                           by Misty Edwards. Another version also by Will Reagan.

I found songs by several groups that could supplement this playlist. Do you have any songs that I should add to this playlist? I think it would be cool if these people joined together and did a compilation album.

Do you have any playlists based off scripture?

Put on your dancing shoes!

2014-04-12T18:47:00.001-07:00

I am 38. In my 38 years I have been a part of some incredible movements in the Kingdom of God (KOG). I have been a part of a few start ups, trying to do awesome things in Lubbock. I have learned a ton of lessons. I have failed epically, I have wanted to quit, I have wanted to die. Not tonight. Since January 2012, I have been running a ministry called Tech 24-7. It has been amazing and wonderful. I have seen God show up time and time again, proving his faithfulness. It has also been incredibly hard. I have seen betrayal, fear, division, and insecurities destroy this ministry. It has been painful, like what I can only imagine it must be like to watch your child be ravaged by disease and die. Tonight I sit here, and I am the only one here. The day has finally come when no students are here to join me in worship, prayer or encouragement. You know what....I'm ok! Scratch that, I am really, really good. Lance Wallnau said the other day on Facebook, "when you've done everything yo can to stand firm, now it's time to dance." That's the mood I am in...it's time to dance and worship my Jesus.

25 Body Types....better than a personality test

2014-04-12T13:57:00.001-07:00

As you know I have been on an adventure with essential oils for the last few years. In my journey to become Essentially Me, I attended a training on those oils and purchased a book called "Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils." In reading the book I found that the author has broken society down into 25 body types, which are all characterized by a dominant organ. There is a way to discern what your dominant organ is; and I discovered that I am an Intestinal Body type. Here's what the description of the intestine body types are:

The Intestinal dominant traits are Spiritual and Emotional. Expansion is absolutely essential. If Intestinals do not expand mentally or emotionally, they will expand physically. Restriction motivates them to change, forcing them out of an untenable situation into an unknown physical, mental world. It is here where they can genuinely expand, taking in new experiences and creating an environment which is truly peace on earth.

Interesting! Then, the next page says that each body type has core emotional issues that they deal with. The Intestinal type often deal with Abandonment, Not Good Enough, Rejection, Despair and Criticism.

Shut the front door! Hi, my name is Jill and I am the poster child for a Intestinal Body types. Crazy!

So then I skim the rest of her book and see that she wrote a book about how each Body Type has their own diet. So I bought it. I'll be damned. ( I was going to try to change that to danged or something, but it just doesn't sound right.)

Here's what the diet book says about Intestinal Body types.

"Intestinal Body types are symbolized by a funnel. Intestinal types accept everything that comes in and then discern what to keep and what to release. Constant new experiences are vital to their growth and expression. Sensitive and extremely emotional, Intestinal body types are typical gentle, loving and compassionate. Relationships are of utmost importance to them, particularly family and close friends. With their extreme sensitivity, they are exceedingly concerned about feelings. When they are not sure how to deal with an uncomfortable situation, they internalize it. Being acutely aware of the stress that unresolved issues creates for them personally, as well as in their relationships, they have a strong need to clean the air."

It goes on to say amazing stuff about motivation for Intestinal types. One thing to note is that "Change is not easy, however, for because their sensitivity and feelings of insecurity in the world often cause an internal conflict. To feel safe, Intestinal types often gather all the information they can find on a new subject and analyze it in detail until they fully understand it." Basically over thinking things is the way Intestinal people balance out being over emotional. Sweet Jesus! I have never read a truer statement.

"Intestinal people when at their worst can be arrogant know it alls, who shut out new sources of information. When emotions are close to the surface, they can be overly sentimental, easily crying or laughing or swinging to the opposite extreme of being abrasive." It's true, and I am sorry. "When they let people push their buttons, their soft spoken demeanor quickly changes to suspicion and contentiousness." Summarizing the rest, they are prone to worry, stress, fatigue which leads to depression and pessimism, or fantasy and denial because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. "Because of a fear of loss or rejection, Ontestinal types tend to get too attached to their families (or their put together families).

At their best, "intestinal types have a good sense of humor and can be a lot of fun to be around. They can fill a room with their jou and vivaciousness." They are drawn to non-traditional experiences.

The goal for me: "self sufficient and introspective, they take care of themselves, setting limits and establishing boundaries for what other people can expect of them...once intestinal types are able to express their creative energies effectively by keeping the channel to their intuitive side open and learning to observe their emotions and let them pass, they seem to be intuitively connected to the universe and are able to flow with life."

After that amazing description of myself, the book then goes on to talk about foods to eat and ones to avoid. It's super interesting.

I profiled my parents as well. I believe my mom is a Skin Type and I believe that my dad is a Pituitary Gland Type. That in and of itself it so revelatory. It explains a ton of tension between my mother and me, and why my dad and I get along so well.

I cannot help but think of 1 Cor. 12:12-31, when I read this:

12 The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up only one body. So it is with the body of Christ. 13 Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles, some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into Christ's body by one Spirit, and we have all received the same Spirit. 14 Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. 15 If the foot says, "I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand," that does not make it any less a part of the body. 16And if the ear says, "I am not part of the body because I am only an ear and not an eye," would that make it any less a part of the body? 17 Suppose the whole body were an eye -- then how would you hear? Or if your whole body were just one big ear, how could you smell anything? 18 But God made our bodies with many parts, and he has put each part just where he wants it. 19 What a strange thing a body would be if it had only one part! 20 Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. 21 The eye can never say to the hand, "I don't need you." The head can't say to the feet, "I don't need you." 22 In fact, some of the parts that seem weakest and least important are really the most necessary. 23 And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect from the eyes of others those parts that should not be seen,24 while other parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together in such a way that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. 25 This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other equally. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad. 27 Now all of you together are Christ's body, and each one of you is a separate and necessary part of it. 28 Here is a list of some of the members that God has placed in the body of Christ: first are apostles, second are prophets, third are teachers, then those who do miracles, those who have the gift of healing, those who can help others, those who can get others to work together, those who speak in unknown languages. 29 Is everyone an apostle? Of course not. Is everyone a prophet? No. Are all teachers? Does everyone have the power to do miracles? 30 Does everyone have the gift of healing? Of course not. Does God give all of us the ability to speak in unknown languages? Can everyone interpret unknown languages? No! 31 And in any event, you should desire the most helpful gifts. First, however, let me tell you about something else that is better than any of them!

What Dr. Mein has done, is to use body analogies to describe psychological or personality traits. As the body of Christ, we have too see that we are not all the same.

What do you think about all of this?

If you would like to get these books, here are pictures of the covers.

Exegesis of 2 Timothy 4:1-5

2014-04-05T17:34:00.002-07:00

I have never done an official exegesis of scripture as an assignment. I took a class once but was so confused that I decided to drop it. Now, I'm taking a class on Paul's Epistles from ENMU, and have a paper due at the end of the semester. So without further adieu, here is my exegetical work. There are still a few things that I am working on, but I would love to know your thoughts about it.

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The Roman Empire stands as an icon for an enduring kingdom lasting roughly around 1500 years, depending which dates you use to give it definition. As with anything that lasts for 1500 years, the Roman Empire went through a myriad of transitions in religious, political and economic standing. With the birth, death and resurrection of Christ and the sending out of the Apostles, the whole world would eventually be flipped on its edge. In the midst of all of this slow upheaval, a famous Jew turned Christian was born. Saul of Tarsus was the quintessential Jew. As translated in the English Standard Version, Philippians 3:4-6, the now converted Paul writes, “If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.” His conversion was miraculous. Quite literally God knocked him off his ass, blinded him and called him to quit persecuting Christians and instead become one of the leading voices for Christianity of all time. Paul writes in Ephesians 3:1-3, “…you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace which was given to me for you; that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.” (NASB) The revelation that Paul received was so incredibly dramatic and explosive, that the world has not been the same since. When Paul was converted in approximately 33-36 AD, Tiberius was Emperor of Rome. After approximately twenty years serving as an apostle, Rome gets a new Emperor by the name of Nero. Nero is infamous for his persecution of Christians. He is known for burning people alive and using them as human torches in his gardens. (Secrets of the Dead: The Great Fire of Rome, 2002) This is the time period where we find Paul in prison in Rome in 2 Timothy. Paul is facing imminent death after having been imprisoned in house arrest for years. (Ronconi, 2014) Paul is experiencing high emotions that are driving him to tie up any loose ends. He, like anyone facing death, does not want to be alone and is longing for companionship especially in the face of so many people who have abandoned him in his time of need. While he is having legitimate human concerns, he is also trying to do everything he can to prepare and encourage his protégé to continue the work of the ministry especially in the face of the current persecution of Christians.

Now that we understand the historical background for where we find Paul’s words to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:1-5, let’s look at the words Paul writes,

“In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I solemnly urge you: proclaim the message; be persistent whether the time is favorable or unfavorable; convince, rebuke, and encourage, with the utmost patience in teaching. For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine, but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths. As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.” (NRSV)

There is no doubt that Paul advises Timothy about how to handle ministry situations in this passage. However, if we limit this pericope to a strictly teacher-student relationship we miss the humanity found within. In this pericope, we find Paul facing imminent death. In those intensely emotional moments people wax nostalgic; analyzing the significant moments in their own lives in order to give to those that remain bits of wisdom to guide them in future decisions. In Paul’s personal journey, he experienced the greatest of extremes of the depths of Jewish legalism of which by his own words he fulfilled to the highest degree in contrast with the heights of his instantaneous euphoric grace encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus. Paul is emotionally summarizing that incredible expanse with such intense passion, that when he writes to Timothy he longs for the whole world to be able to experience that same grace encounter. In 2 Timothy 4:1-5, if we limit this exegesis to what is written, we miss Paul's humanity. We cannot fully exegete this text without experiencing Paul as a real human being with a wide variety of emotions that are being expressed in words which are pregnant with meaning. There is more than meets the eye in 2 Timothy 4:1-5. I propose that in this pericope, we see Paul instruct Timothy on the importance of teaching grace in a world that is hostile to that very message, from the worldview of one who was intimately familiar with the traps of legalism and yet knows the life transforming power of a grace that is scandalous just as well.

Having studied this portion in a variety of translations, I find there are some unique differences in how certain parts are portrayed. In 2 Timothy 4:2, the NASB translates the verse as “reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.” Other versions translate it as ‘correct, rebuke and encourage’ or ‘challenge, warn, and urge your people’ while another version says ‘reprove, rebuke, and exhort.’ A few translations take these three words and turn them into full sentences. The Living Bible translates it as, “Correct and rebuke your people when they need it, encourage them to do right, and all the time be feeding them patiently with God’s Word.” The Amplified Bible translates it as, “And convince them, rebuking and correcting, warning and urging and encouraging them, being unflagging and inexhaustible in patience and teaching.” In one of the more recent and poetic translations of 2 Timothy , The Mirror Bible translates it as, “value every individual in your audience highly; esteem people’s authentic identity passionately; teach tirelessly!” I find this incredibly intriguing. I don’t believe this translation is merely poetic license, but rather the translator is tapping into a deeper level of what Paul is trying to communicate. For instance, Francois du Toit translates 2 Timothy 3:1 in the Mirror Bible as, “Know also that there will be days where the extremities of people’s fallen mindsets will be very obvious; where the gulf between heavenly grace-thinking and earthly legalism-thinking will be most pronounced.” If Paul is consumed, convinced and completely arrested with the mentality of grace, then Paul is saying more here than meets the eye. In a legalistic mindset that is preoccupied with right and wrong, when you read the words ‘reprove, rebuke, exhort’ it can quickly lead to a mentality where you feel the permission to be the local sheriff, arresting everyone for doing something wrong. I don’t believe that Paul is encouraging Timothy to be the local fault finder. That is incredibly unproductive. Paul knows that the Holy Spirit is the one who will do the convicting. Paul is all too familiar with the Holy Spirit’s power to transform lives; his own life is the result of that very work. So certainly Paul cannot be telling Timothy to be a busy body who is on the lookout for every single mistake that people make. On the contrary, I believe that Paul is speaking to him about two things. First, Paul is instructing Timothy generically about the church as a whole and specifically how to help guard them against false theologies like Gnosticism and Jewish legalists. Second, Paul urges Timothy to see people through the eyes of grace. It is in this second level that I believe the Mirror Bible’s translation of 2 Timothy 4:2 exposes Paul’s highest intention. Grace is what enables you to “value every individual in your audience highly; esteem people’s authentic identity passionately; teach tirelessly” because instead of being a fault finder you are seeing people as God sees them. You are consumed with the revelation that Jesus died for the person sitting in front of you, and how much love he has for each one. I think the more conservative translations miss this aspect and are more concerned with the legalistic adherence to sound doctrine than trusting in the work of grace through the Holy Spirit to accomplish the mysterious work that happens in each human heart.

Another passage that is interesting is in verse 2 Timothy 4:4, which is translated in the NRSV as, “and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths.” However the Mirror Bible, translates it as, “In their pursuit they would exchange the truth for man-made fictions and fables as their source of reference!” Since we’ve already seen a connection between this pericope and previous passages from Chapter 3, I believe we can look again to Chapter 3:8 to see Paul outline exactly what he believes those ‘man-made fictions and fables’ are specifically in verse 8 Paul writes,

“These guys, with their deadly legalistic Jewish agendas, seem to be on par with the two Egyptian magicians, Jannes and Jambres, who tried their best tricks to compete with Moses! The supernatural is not proof of faith! These people oppose truth (of grace); their minds are fully engaged in selling their religious self-help programs, and they stubbornly refuse to acknowledge what God believes about them.”

So the question is when Paul talks in Chapter 4:3-4 about people not wanting to hear sound doctrine but preferring to listen to things that will tickle their ears, what is this other theology that people wanted to hear. I think there are multiple answers to that question. The Roman Empire was a beautiful mix of a variety of religions. There were Greeks who still believed in Greek mythology, there were Romans who still believed in Roman mythology, there were Jews who still believed in the Old Covenant, there were new Christian coverts from all three who had grown up in one way of thinking but were being convinced of something totally new. As Christianity unfolded as a new religion, tensions between Jews and Christians were high. Particularly because converts were not all Jewish, but many came from pagan religions. The Jerusalem Council was the first group of Apostles, who were employed to deal with issues such as eating kosher and circumcision. For both Jews and Jewish converts, all they had ever known was the law. The importance of the law to Jewish people cannot be spoken of lightly. This presents a great tension for Gentile Christians however. They see no reason to first become Jewish to then convert to Christianity. In Acts 10, Peter has a famous vision where a sheet drops before his eyes and he begins to see a variety of clean and unclean animals in movie like fashion, be discussed by the Lord. The purpose of this vision is the Lord is telling Peter, “What God has cleansed, no longer consider unholy.” The question of considerable debate is whether the Lord is using an analogy or is being literal in this passage. Many believe that it is literal and the Lord is telling Peter that all dietary restrictions are no longer valid. One commentator says, “When the Mosaic Law was instituted to Israel, certain meats were then forbidden for the Jews (Israel only -Leviticus 10:10, 11:4-7; Deuteronomy 14:7-8). This command was again changed when Jesus was crucified. The laws restriction came to its end as a requirement for believers and all meat was again allowed, as it is clean. In this new dispensation, after the cross, all meats are allowed for food, there is no prohibition of clean or unclean because we are no longer under the Law of Moses, that made these distinctions but are under a new covenant (Acts 11:8-9; Romans 14:14), but under the law of Christ.” (Are we allowed to eat meat?, 2009) Other people believe that it is only symbolic and that God is using an analogy to prepare Peter, an ardent Jew who would never have been found in the company of a Gentile, because to do so would be vile, to see Cornelius, thus leaving all the kosher laws still very much intact. “Thus, the subject matter of Acts 10 has nothing to do with clean and unclean meats. God simply used the vision of unclean animals to emphasize a point to Peter—that when God has spiritually cleansed a Gentile, he is not to be deemed common or unclean.” (Are God's Laws of Clean and Unclean Meats Upheld Under the New Covenant, 2009) Nevertheless, the point in 2 Timothy Chapter 4 is that there are tensions between the Gospel truth and other theologies or doctrines, which Paul deems as dangerous. Those doctrines could be the “deadly legalistic Jewish agendas” or “earthly legalism-thinking” they could be the more sensual permissions that those from a Greek or Roman background might have found appealing. I personally believe that Paul is being vague on purpose in order to cover anything that would oppose the knowledge of God. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul urged the church in Corinth to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive, to make it obedient to Christ.” I believe that Paul is telling Timothy, that the church in Ephesus will need to be prepared to do the same thing.

Finally, there is a brief sentence in the Message version that expresses an emotion that is lost in other translations. In the translation The Message, Eugene Peterson translates the 2 Timothy 4:5 as, “keep the Message alive.” In all the other translations, this pericope ends with a seemingly bland exhortation for Timothy to keep doing his job. Certainly in light of all that Paul is facing, he is not wasting a single word of instruction, so this sentence cannot be as simple as it looks. I wonder if in the emotion of facing your own imminent death and seeing how treacherous Nero is towards Christians in this time frame, combined with Paul’s own reports of friends abandoning him in his time of need, if Paul is experiencing even the most minute of fears that the message of the Cross will not continue and will die with him. I wonder if thoughts are crossing his mind, as to whether his death will be in vain. I believe that hidden in the depths of Paul’s humanity is an incredibly complex set of beliefs and emotions that is saying much more to Timothy than “keep preaching.” I think Paul is saying, “I know that God has a plan, but I also know that he has used me to do something pretty significant. I have suffered a lot for it and am gladly and willingly will lay my life down because I believe that the Gospel message is worth it. However, this dying makes me realize that I will no longer have influence on how things happen, and that frightens me a bit. The seeming loss of control is a bit stressful and I realize that I am leaving all of this in your hands in a super difficult time. While I believe that you are fully convinced of the Gospel just as I am, which is why I call you my son, I hope and pray that you will continue the work of spreading the Gospel and not abandon it in the face of persecution like others have. If you were to abandon the work, what would that mean of my life’s work? Will all my suffering be for nothing? Will future generations not know the beauty of the Gospel? So by all means, Timothy, keep the Message alive.”

In summary, I believe that what we experience in 2 Timothy 4:1-5, is the emotional and very natural human expressions of a man who is facing death as he writes to his protégé. I believe we see Paul dance with even the minutest of fears and the lack of control, combined with heartache at what may come Timothy’s way in the future. I believe Paul encourages Timothy to ‘be rooted and grounded in love’ (Eph. 3:17) though using different language with Timothy than he did when writing the whole Church in Ephesus. This instruction enables Timothy to deal with heresy, controversy, and skewed thinking while responding to each person with the fullness of grace and love. I see throughout this small pericope 3 distinct places where Paul urges Timothy to view his circumstances through the eyes of grace. It is very similar to what Paul wrote to the Church in Corinth; (love) “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things… But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (1 Cor. 13:7,13 ESV)

Achey breaky heart

2014-03-20T22:05:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is but there is a groan inside of me. Started last night in worship and haven't been able to shake it. It's a longing for intimacy for sure, but it's more that that. I find the temptation to day dream is getting harder to fight. I want Calgon to sweep me away. In another life I know what would fix this problem, but that life is past and no longer bears any viable options. I think it's the ache of barrenness. The longing for husband and family.

A guy friend called out of the blue. We haven't spoken in months. Maybe 3 times in the last two years. I loved him once. And as he calls out of the blue, we pick up right where we left off. At one point he says he can see through me, he knows me...and yet he still doesn't choose me. There is nothing more wounding than being fully seen and not chosen. I cannot afford to be your ego boost any longer.

It's a place of radical discontentment. I would rather have any life other than this one. Teach me to be grateful for the here and now. One day I will miss this time. I don't want to be Israel who wants a king just to be like everyone else. That was so very destructive.

Maybe I just need sleep.

I choose Life!

2014-03-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

Prosperity After Turning to the Lord

Deut. 30 says, When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come on you and you take them to heart wherever the Lord your God disperses you among the nations, ²and when you and your children return to the Lord your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, ³then the Lord your God will restore your fortunesand have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. ⁴Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. ⁵He will bring you to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors. ⁶The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. ⁷The Lord your God will put all these curses on your enemies who hate and persecute you. ⁸You will again obey the Lord and follow all his commands I am giving you today. ⁹Then the Lord your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The Lord will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your ancestors, ¹⁰if you obey the Lord your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

The Offer of Life or Death

¹¹Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. ¹²It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, “Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹³Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, “Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?” ¹⁴No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
¹⁵See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. ¹⁶For I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
¹⁷But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, ¹⁸I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.
¹⁹This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live ²⁰and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Seemingly all night last night I dreamed about this passage. I woke up specifically with verses 19-20 in my heart. I am not sure exactly what the Lord is saying, but these are the thoughts I've been thinking about.

As we live life day in and day out, how do we choose Life? In verse 19, it gives 3 principles that describe what choosing life looks like: Love the Lord your God, listen to his voice and hold fast to him. In verse 15, it says Love the Lord your God, walk in obedience to him, keep his commands, decrees and laws and then you will live in increase.

Heb. 3:7-11 says, "So, as the Holy Spirit says:“Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts

as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did. That is why I was angry with that generation; I said, ‘Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.’So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.’ ”

I guess that's the key for me, is not hardening my heart. You see, God likes to do things that I don't always like to do. He likes to take me to places and make me say things that are just down right uncomfortable. He likes to wake me up in the middle of the night or worse yet, make me wake up at some crazy hour to spend time with him. I hate it all. So how do I not harden my heart, how do I not choose rebellion or worshiping other Gods (namely myself, comfort, convenience, fear of man, etc) but instead choose him? Verse 11 in Deuteronomy is encouraging. It is not too difficult or out of reach. Sometimes it just comes down to believing Jesus is who He says He is.

I've been meditating on James 1 for a while as well. The issue of unbelief and how it paralyzes us in fear and keeps us from moving forward in the plans God has for us. Eph. 4:14 says, "so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes." In James we are tossed to and fro because of unbelief. In Ephesians we are tossed because we are immature are cannot resist false doctrines.

And then there is the verse: "Therefore thus says the Lord: You have not listened to Me and obeyed Me in proclaiming liberty each one to his brother and neighbor." The punishment for not proclaiming liberty is to be tossed to and fro.

And finally going back to Deuteronomy in Ch 28:25 it says, "The Lord shall cause you to be struck down before your enemies; you shall go out one way against them and flee seven ways before them, and you shall be tossed to and fro and be a terror among all the kingdoms of the earth." Why is God going too do that? Verse 14 says, "But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all His commandments and His statutes which I command you this day, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you."

The ampliphied version says that the verse in Deut 28 was fulfilled in 2 Chronicles 29:6-8. "For our fathers have trespassed and have done what was evil in the sight of the Lord our God, and they have forsaken Him and have turned away their faces from the dwelling place of the Lord and have turned their backs. Also they have closed the doors of the porch and put out the lamps, and they have not burned incense or offered burnt offerings in the place holy to the God of Israel. [II Kings 16:10-16.] Therefore the wrath of the Lord was upon Judah and Jerusalem, and He has delivered them to be a terror and a cause of trembling, to be an astonishment, and a hissing, as you see with your own eyes.

What's even more interesting is Deut. 28:24, "The Lord shall make the rain of your land powdered soil and dust; from the heavens it shall come down upon you until you are destroyed."

All this meditation on to and fro began when I heard people calling Lubbock weather bi polar. Being tossed to and fro is the physical manifestation of being bi polar. If Deut 28:24 doesn't describe Lubbock weather I don't know what does.

So what now? It's a time of repentance. It's time to come back to The Lord. It's time to choose life that we may live. As for me and my house, I choose life!

How to appropriately celebrate St. Patrick

2014-03-17T12:03:00.001-07:00

Much discussion has been going around about the fallacies regarding the way America celebrates St.

Patrick's day. Since I am taking a class on Church history, I just happen to have recently written a

short piece on St. Patrick. Here's what I wrote:

One thing that was surprising to learn is that St. Patrick was born in Scotland and then sold into slavery in Ireland. He lived for 106 years. It was during his time as a slave sheepherder, that he penned the words “His fear increased in me more and more, and the faith grew in me, and the spirit was roused, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers, and in the night nearly the same, so that whilst in the woods and on the mountain, even before the dawn, I was roused to prayer and felt no hurt from it, whether there was snow or ice or rain; nor was there any slothfulness in me, such as I see now, because the spirit was then fervent within me.“ (St. Patrick, 1911) As was common with many mystics during this time period, St. Patrick’s life was rich in the workings of signs and wonders. Wherever he went, “the fame of Patrick's marvelous power of miracles preceded him.” (St. Patrick, 1911) Some of his most significant miracles were performed on Easter Day in 433 AD, when Patrick took on a brood of Druids much like Elijah and the Prophets of Baal. “Patrick's ministry lasted 29 years. He baptized over 120,000 Irishmen and planted 300 churches.” (Kithcart, 2014) Patrick’s story is an epic reminder of the cost associated with being a true disciple of Christ. Surrendering to the life of missions is not an easy choice and often comes with much tribulation. “Rev. Earnes concurs, ‘I honestly feel that what Patrick taught Ireland was that there is a cost to discipleship, but it's a cost worth paying.” (Kithcart, 2014)

Did you also know that St. Patrick raised people from the Dead? Quoting Tyler Johnson's Facebook post, "A few resurrection stories about St. Patrick: Once, the two children of king Alphinus died; a daughter named Dublinia and a son named Eochadh. Alphinus told St. Patrick that if he raised his children back to life he would give himself and his kingdom to God. So, Patrick raised them both back to life. The king was baptized shortly after and the people turned from Druid worship to God. To remember what God had done, the king named his biggest city after his daughter, which is why that city is now called Dublin. -Church history records St. Patrick to have raised 33 men from the dead...."some dead many years." Just go ahead and think about that for a moment."

So how do you really celebrate a man who died this day many years ago? Getting drunk on whiskey and Green Beer seems wildly inappropriate. I guess for me today is much more of a challenge to live my faith out-loud. Today is a day that if I see someone who is sick and hurting, I want to pray for them to be healed and to give a lending hand. Granted that should be my everyday, but since it's not, I will start today. I don't think I'm up for walking into the morgue and praying for the dead to be raised. I wish I was that brave. My friend Kyle and I prayed for a friends step dad several years ago who was dying because he tried to kill himself. I really believed we were going to raise him up then. But nurses and red tape got in the way. I think watching a movie called "DeadRaiser" would be a great way to honor St. Patrick's legacy. Anything you can do to stir your faith to believe God for more.

I don't know about you but I too often limit God by my small imagination. I have not because I ask not. My friend Corrie reminded me last night about George Mueller's life. He did amazing work in England and never asked anyone other than God for the things he needed. He believed that God would provide 100%. I run a prayer ministry on campus and I am not convinced of God's faithfulness, like George was. I can prove it because every time I ask God for something and he does it, I am shocked. My faith is very small.

So today, I will stretch my faith and believe God for something that only he could provide. I will pray for people to be healed and if I come across someone dying or dead I will pray for them to be raised back to life. Today, I will live not like a 21st century American in my faith but like those long ago who actually believed and saw God do amazing things.

Essentially Me!

2014-03-16T13:03:00.003-07:00

I am not sure what is happening, but I have a fresh grace on my life to do things that I haven't done in a long time, like write. So I decided I would change up my blog to reflect this new season. There are actually quite a few changes going on in my heart and I think this is the place that I will write about them. Part of the name of this blog comes from my growing obsession with Essential Oils. Young Living Essential Oils to be exact. I know there are other brands out there, but YL has worked for me. I've been using them for three years. I recently did a Zyto scan and it revealed that my Gallbladder, Adrenal Glands and Heart are seriously compromised. My whole digestive track is pretty significantly off balance. I blame that on my hysterectomy 3 years ago. So I've begun using a lot of oils to rid myself of multiple viruses and a couple of parasites hoping to bring things back into balance. I am not real sure how I know these will work, but something in me says the science behind this stuff is telling the truth. So I am excited to see where this journey takes me.

As of today I am 38 years old. I weigh approximately 275 lbs. I am 5'2". I've already had cancer once and my dad just had a heart attack about 6 months ago. I don't want to join him in that adventure.

My daily regimine with oils looks like this:

I am trying to work up to 2x a day, but for now once a day I drink 5 drops of lavendar, peppermint and lemon oil. I put 2-3 drops of nutmeg on my lower back (adrenal glands are above the kidneys). I put Exodus II or Thieves on my feet. I put Grapefruit and Forgiveness on my belly. I put Endoflex on my feet, neck and throat. I am also doing the Raindrop Technique on my feet 4-5 times a week. I am doing daily detox baths and trying to drink Salt Tea daily. Who knew drinking butter would be so difficult?

I am trying to drink water each day as well. I'm up to 32 oz of water a day which is a big deal. Therein lies my health problems I'm sure. I'm also trying to do a smoothie once a day so I can get veggies into my system.

The hardest part about all of this is the headaches that I get because of the detoxing. I've been able so far to keep the pain at bay by using the Morphine Bomb (Copaiba, Frankincense, and Balsam Fir) in a veggie capsule. I'm also using Deep Relief topically around my head and neck. I can't tell if the headaches are from the oils or from barometric pressure, as the weather in Lubbock has been and is always super crazy in the Spring.

Today for lunch I ate 1 piece of lasagna, 2 small pieces of garlic bread, a generous portion of steamed veggies in real butter with pink salt. I drank a bottle of water. For dessert I had 5 blackberries.

I am doing all of this for health reasons but also for spiritual reasons. I am tired of letting the past control my present and future. I know that I was born to be a world changer and have a ton of destiny inside me, but I keep allowing things to hold me back. I'm ready for the breakthrough. I want to do the things that God has called me to do without allowing fear and insecurity and other junk hold me back.

There's also a boy. It's hard to find men in their young 40's who are single, never been married, no kids and are really passionate about loving Jesus. But there is one in the West Texas area. I don't know if I have a chance with him or not, but I want to do everything I can to clear out any obstacles that would keep us from connecting if that's what God wants. I want to clear out the cobwebs in my heart, mind and body. He's a good ole boy too. Down to earth. Even as I type this I find it hard to believe that someone would love me, and an entire list of things that I think should discredit me arise to the surface. I am choosing to move past those thoughts and embrace the truth that is Essentially Me.

An Open Letter to Phil Robertson, Patriarch of the Duck Dynasty

2014-01-17T11:32:00.002-08:00

After all the media attention you received in December because of your comments in the GQ magazine, I hope and pray that you will read just one more. Maybe it will help if I tell you that I am a huge fan. While only watching my first episode of Duck Dynasty just a week before the controversy broke, I still love everything about the show. I even bought my dad one of your DVD’s for Christmas. I love that you stand for Jesus to the best of your ability. So while I write this letter to you because it directly deals with comments you made, this is honestly a letter to the American people, and I guess even more specifically the American Church that I honestly never expected to write. Let me explain.

Today is January 17^th. It’s 9 am, and just a while ago I was awakened from my sleep. The date is significant because we are weeks away from the controversy, so it’s not like I had media bytes rolling around in my subconscious. I honestly believe that the Lord woke me up with a startling phrase. I believe the Lord woke me up and told me, “Jill, you are much more than a vagina.” Obviously, groggy and confused as to why we were having this kind of discussion in the middle of the night, I told the Lord, “I’m sorry….WHAT?” Then as if I was hearing dictation, I began to hear the Lord walk me through this letter that I am sending you now. So here goes:

Phil, I am more than a vagina. As a woman, I am more than a vagina and boobs. I missed it when the controversy first broke, but you did more than offend the LGBT community, you offended women as well. In your overly simplistic statement, you relegated the act of sexual intercourse to a choice between vagina’s and anuses. Not only I am more than a vagina, but so is Miss Kay. When you have made love to your wife, you look into her eyes, you engage with her heart and soul. She is a person. She is not just a vagina. You see, we live in an overtly sexualized world, which has relegated sex to a consumerist mentality. In a recent blog post, Benjamin Nolot, director of Exodus Cry and producer of the documentary Nefarious: Merchant of Souls states, “Girls internalize this message as they grow up and over time it becomes woven into the core of their identity. By the time most reach adolescence they have become fully amalgamated into the culture’s narrative – To be powerful, accepted, celebrated, appreciated, and adored – to be VISIBLE, you must be SEXUAL. The alternative is to be rendered completely and entirely irrelevant – to be made INVISIBLE.” Billboards, TV shows, movies, magazines all amplify the motto “Sex Sales.” America is the top consumer and producer of pornography. We live in a world where women and children are abducted regularly and then sold into prostitution and human trafficking rings. Humanity as a whole is guilty for devaluing human life in a myriad of ways. That is basically what you did in your statement. You devalued not only your own wife, but women in general when you said that sex was a choice between a vagina and an anus. It simply cannot be that simple. You chose to make a vow of commitment to one woman, Miss Kay, for the rest of your life. You see, this is why if your covenant with Miss Kay was just about her vagina, then it would not be so sacred. The covenant of marriage (an expression of the relationship between Jesus and the church) is chiefly revealed in the act of physical intimacy: the breaking of a hymen (a blood covenant), the transferring of the seed of life from a man and implanting it into a woman (the gift of the Holy Spirit). Nevertheless, the mystery that happens in sexual intercourse is the joining of two souls. The oneness that happens in sex is a mystery and is so much more than vaginas and anuses.

Not only has our culture devalued human life but we have devalued marriage, and I don’t mean by states allowing gay marriage. Marriage was devalued when uncontested divorce was initially made legal, and the prolific amount of divorces that have happened since are proof. Divorce is rampant in the world as well as the church. The very thing that Paul signifies as the guidepost of the relationship that Jesus bought for us has been treated casually. For this and so many more reasons, it’s no wonder that the message of salvation in Christ is lost on the world today.

Having said all of this, I want to tell you that I understand or rather hope you didn’t “mean” all of that when you said it. Unfortunately, words mean things. There are implied as well as inherent meanings in every word we use. The glory of communication is the subtle nuances that mean things. The cultural background that imbues every word with a thousand definitions, are incredibly important. Having grown up in the South, I am all too aware of the ignorance that is tolerated as the cultural norm. Bigotry against races and gender is commonplace. In the movie The Help, the character Abileene, makes a statement about raising children as a black maid that I found very poignant. She makes the statement that as a maid she is loved and adored by children until they turn 18, and then all of the sudden she is relegated as trash. I thought it was significant because in many ways, I feel the same way as a woman. In the American church, by and large I am qualified because of my gender to teach children about God as long as they are a minor. Mysteriously, when they cross the threshold into adulthood, I am no longer qualified to teach them about Jesus publically. My point is that while I understand that your comments were made from a lifetime of cultural worldviews, there is something higher that you should aspire to confessing. When you accepted Jesus as your personal savior, you became an inhabitant of a different Kingdom, a different culture. The value systems of your former life are supposed to take the back seat to the new value systems of the Kingdom of God. Sanctification, the process all Christians go through of becoming more Christ like, is slow and tedious, requiring much repentance and submission. In 2 Cor. 10:5 (MSG) Paul says, “But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.” In talking about spiritual warfare, Paul says that our job is to demolish our massively corrupt culture, warped philosophies, and to tear down barriers erected against the truth of God. Spiritual warfare is the opposing of the culture of this world and enforcing the culture of the Kingdom. The culture of this world is one that devalues humanity, sexuality, marriage by promoting pornography, promiscuity, divorce, abortion, human trafficking and a thousand other atrocities. We as believers must guard ourselves from the seemingly innocuous and casual regard of things God calls holy. Lou Engle once said, “If you treat the prophetic casually it will cause casualties.” I will take that statement one step further. If we treat anything that God calls holy, casually it causes casualties. The casualness and simplicity that you use in referring to sex as simple body parts is causing casualties of epic proportion. It kills the sacredness of marriage, the mystery and beauty of joining two souls together in sex; it significantly devalues and thereby kills the core of femininity and relegates women to sex objects.

I have one last thing to say in regards to this issue. While I agree with you that homosexuality is a sin, I think the overemphasis of it that the church is making in this hour is the greater problem. In 1 Cor. 13 (NIV), we learn how God defines love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” There are two phrases from this passage that jump out at me: 1) it keeps no record of wrongs and 2) it always protects. I don’t know about you but I am pretty well aware of all the mistakes I make. I think most humans are. Whether the LGBT community agrees with us that homosexuality is a sin is not really the issue. God makes it pretty clear that it is his job to change hearts. We, as Christians, are called to love. In fact we are called to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I sincerely don’t know how to deal with all of the intricate nuances about this issue. I have analyzed this argument from every angle. I have good friends who are gay (both Christian and non-Christian alike) so this issue is extremely important to me. I want to love them well. I believe in accountability and all of that stuff, but I also know that the times of greatest change in my own testimony have come not through someone holding a measuring stick to my life, but extending me grace and mercy. That is in and of itself the audacity of the Cross, that we (any of us) would be given mercy. I don’t believe the statements you made exemplified love. You were keeping a record of their wrongs. You held up a banner and said that because they participate in XYZ sin they are devalued and somehow not deserving of God’s love and mercy. Again, you may not have “meant” it, but that’s what you said. You also didn’t protect the LGBT community. You didn’t protect them from being exploited, from the lies of the enemy which would tell them they don’t deserve God’s love, from unwanted rejection, etc. Rather you chose to make comments that treated the LGBT community much like David treated Bathsheba’s husband. You sent them to the front lines to be slaughtered. All I know is that there is not one Christian who does not struggle with some kind of sin on a daily basis. Be it sins of pride, lying, adultery, pornography, lust, stealing, etc we all “have fallen short.” I think the Church is guilty of focusing way too much on sin and not nearly enough on the mercy found at the cross of Christ. It is a delicate balance, one which I have not perfected.Phil, I don’t have all the answers. As I said in the beginning, this really is a letter to the Church and American public as much as it is to you. I pray that if anything good can come of the controversy you found yourself in the midst of in December, that it will cause the church to look at issues like gender equality, homosexuality, marriage, and our treatment of holy things casually more seriously.

I pray that God blesses your family. As Paul says in Philippians 1:9-11, “This is my prayer: that your love might become even more and more rich with knowledge and all kinds of insight. I pray this so that you will be able to decide what really matters and so you will be sincere and blameless on the day of Christ. I pray that you will then be filled with the fruit of righteousness, which comes from Jesus Christ, in order to give glory and praise to God.”

Sincerely,

Jill Hurley

Strange fire vs Hell's fire: What is the bigger crisis?

2013-11-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

There is a whole lot of discussion right now about how to tell if Christians are in fact Christians. The alternative is I guess that they would be people who profess Christ, but are deceived. If you've read my posts before, then you know I have a pretty simplistic view of things. My first premise is that the basis of real, authentic, blood bought Christianity must be true across the board from Baptists to Methodists to Catholics to Church of Christ to Non-denominationalists to Pentecostals and everywhere in between. The definition of Christianity isn't changed by which flavor you prefer. If you, as a human being, accept that you are in absolute 100% need of a savior, a pure and holy sacrifice who CAN and DID pay for your sins so that you can have access to the Father then as scripture states you are a Christian. Being a Christian is not about having the right doctrine, worship style, or bank account. It is simply about the audacious work that Jesus did on the cross to cover my sins giving me access and authority to call myself a co-heir with Christ. So what then is the problem? Certain groups do baptisms one way, others do communion this way, some worship with instruments, others don't. Some say women can preach, some say women have to wear head coverings. Some have blue carpet while others believe that red carpet is the only way to go. It's a bit ridiculous the things we fight over. So instead of fighting, walk with me on a journey for a minute.

Have you ever grown a garden? Do you plant corn only? Do you think it's an abomination to plant tomatoes and peppers in the same vicinity? There are some people who even plant flowers such as marigolds in the middle of their vegetables because they believe it keeps out bugs. Are they heretics to the garden community? Even if you have a Rose garden, do you limit it only to yellow roses or do you let in as many varieties of roses that space will allow? You see there is beauty in diversity. I believe that the Creator of the universe really gets and really appreciates diversity. He made people with a variety of hues in skin, hair and eye color. When you mix and match those people, you get some of the most beautiful people in the world. Why, when God personally created so many varieties of flowers, foods, trees, landscapes, humans, animals, etc do we think that he is freaked out about differences in worship styles?

John MacArthur recently said that all Charismatics are not Christians and are walking a thin line of being demonized. I just don't understand. In 2000 years collectively Christians have done such a horrible job of distorting the beauty and majesty of Jesus. We have sponsored the Crusades, bombed abortion clinics, carried signs that says 'God hates fags' and we are freaking out about whether Johnny twitches or laughs in the middle of worship? At least he's worshipping Jesus! By and large Christians did nothing to help Jews during the holocaust and we are more concerned (at least in America) with lining our pockets than with taking care of widows and orphans, which is how Jesus describes pure and undefiled religion. If we hold true to our faith then we must believe that there are millions of people dying each day who really and truly are not Christians. The enemy has done such a great job of getting us bickering with each other that we are ineffective at doing the two things He said to do: Love Me and Love Them.

Call me crazy, but the Bible says the world will know we are Christians by our love. I can hear you now saying, "But Jill, love isn't a free pass to do whatever you want. We can't abuse grace." Absolutely, I agree. But I can also say with 100% confidence that if you have ever really encountered the love of God and tasted of his grace then you have a deep understanding of Paul's admonition, where sin abounds grace abounds all the more. The reality is that most of the church doesn't really understand the audacious, radical, absurd, and even offensive nature of the cross. His grace is so much bigger than we can comprehend.

So what about the Strange Fire and weird manifestations that happen in some charismatic circles? Is it demonic? Is it fleshly? Is it sinful? Yes. No. Maybe. It's not necessarily my job to judge that. You see scripture says that men judge outward appearances but God judges the heart. Certainly we can judge the fruit of people's lives, but that fruit is defined as: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control. Ephesians 5:8-9 says "for you were once darkness, but now the light in The Lord. Live as children of light (for fruit of light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases The Lord." If any Christ professing person does not exhibit or manifest the above fruit then you can certainly begin to question whether they are actually engaged in a viable relationship with Jesus or whether they have just been participating in the throws of religion. Will every Christian be walking in 100% perfect fruitfulness? No. Much of that has to do with maturity. You have to wait for plants and fruits to bear fruit and sometimes they have to be pruned to bear more fruit. Humans can resist the pruning process and become dormant. But don't we have to test the spirits and doesn't the Bible say that the elect can be deceived? Yes it does. Fear is not of God. What Mr. MacArthur and others are selling is fear based religion that does not lead to liberty. "It is for freedom that you have been set free!" I just tested the spirits. As for the elect being deceived, I believe there will be a showdown someday, somehow between the ways of the world, the anti-Christ mentalities, systems or persons and the ways of God. I believe there will come a very definitive day where I will have to choose who/what/where I will place my allegiance and my trust/faith/hope. I believe in that day many Christ professing people will choose what seems like a road of comfort and peace, but will actually be nothing of the sort. I believe some of the elect will be deceived but I do not think that the enemy is going to deceive them by different styles of worship. If he is going to deceive someone it will be to place their trust in a system that is reliant on something or someone other than God.

I guess what I want you to take away more than anything is that all this nonsense is distracting the Bride from her real destiny to love God and love people. We are so consumed with inner bickering that we are missing the millions that are dying and going to hell daily. Beloved, you should have the fear of God over that reality because this is what each one of us will have to give an account for to Jesus himself. Did you help him receive the reward for his suffering? He's not going to ask you if you sang hymns or did fire tunnels. He's a bit more concerned with the billions of his kids whom he dearly loves and will spend eternity without ever knowing his name. What a tragedy. Yes there is a deception running rampant, but it is not at all the way you presume it to be.