Paradykes

Starting over

2012-02-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

It's all becoming so real. We're having another baby, holy shit, we're having another baby! I'm going to be umm well you guys don't need to know but it's over 40. My daughter is having a baby too. I'm having a baby (well, Ash is doing the actual birthing and growing part) at the same time as my daughter. Which means come next year when everyone goes back to work I will be taking care of 2 new babies, a 3 year old Emma, and my 6 year old grand daughter. Holy shit, I'm going back to work! I kid, I kid I'm looking forward to it. It'll be a mad house but I'm up for it.

On another note, I saw my family doctor today and we are giving me 3 months to make some health changes bring down my blood pressure, cholesterol, have a clear mammogram you know all that over 40 stuff so that I can begin the protocol to induce lactation so Ash and I can both breast feed the new baby like we did with Emma. I really didn't think she would be open to the idea because of my high blood pressure and family history of breast cancer but she agreed to do some research on her own on the process that I used with Emma so hopefully she'll be on board otherwise I'll do it anyways without her guidance as I'm really not willing to let much stand in the way.

Lets hear it for February!

2012-02-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

So after much debate Ashley finally made an appointment to see our family doctor to see if indeed she really was pregnant. She was sure that she was, me, I needed some convincing. Really it took us 3 years with Emma, I couldn't believe we could/would get pregnant so quickly and all the tests that we took were weak weak weak if best. So on the Dr we went who quickly did a urine test and said well, congratulations are in order! The test there was also quite light so she ran a beta and it was a 46, low overall but for 15 days post insem it's perfect for us (Surro baby was only a 33 at 9 dp5dt) So, it's real, we're going to have another baby!

Gag order is partially lifted

2012-02-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is partially good news partially who knows for real news.

This morning my amazing Ash tinkled on another stick, on that stick was the slightest and I do mean slightest 2nd pink line. Sunday will be 2 weeks since the first insem so we still could be just a few days early ya know! All in all Ashley's period is approx 4 days late TMI here (she ovulates really late so it's really only a little more than a week after insem that she should start her period) so Ash says she is 100% sure that she is pregnant, she feels it, her body is telling her she is. Me, I need to see that bright ass second line. I need it to pop up and slap my eyes out. We bought 3 more tests today. None of them mamby pamby pink tests that don't show up very well, we bought the blue dye kind. I don't know if it's a fact but every surro says you need the blue ones to see a positive early. So that's where we're at on the baby front.

Next front......... With everything that has happened in Washington recently regarding same sex marriage and all..... If it is all set and ready Ash and I will get married in Washington in June. We are going to Oregon for my daughters graduation and we had planned on spending 10 days in the area, checking out Seattle and Thor's well and everything in between. So now.... I'm trying to pull together a quick beach wedding (pending Washington getting it together by then) in a matter of months. Hopefully I can pull it off from 800 miles away.

Gag Orders

2012-02-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

Just so you all know, I'd love to be blogging my heart out right now but I've been given a gag order from my wife. She will lift this gag order sometime soon. Just know that although we had an early negative test (too early to test in my opinion) we are still period free. Opps I may have just blown the gag order damn my need to tell someone!

Newest creations

2012-02-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything that I've made for a while so here is my newest creation. My little buckaroo cowboy cupcake wrapper

And I made party invitations for my granddaughters birthday party. They turned out super cute but Ash had changed the settings on my camera to take crappy quality pics and I didn't realize it so the pics are too bad to put on etsy but I can put them here cuz y'all won't judge my bad pics.

Not a good waiter!

2012-02-02T18:17:00.000-07:00

So..... I know, I know who starts a post with So..... I do it's annoying I'm sorry it's just how I work. And this is just a bunch of rambling, you've been warned.

I can't stand waiting! We are 4 DPO and I'm watching Ash like a hawk. I want this to be as quick and easy as the IVF was but I know it's highly unlikely and we're probably going to be doing this crap for months. Not that it's such a horrible thing, but really the less times i need to don my gas mask and gloves so as not to vomit the better.

What if Ash is offered a job and has to be there in a month? Do we just give up? Do we try to insem long distance style? We tried that once before and it sucked! Driving 10 hours to be in the same city as our donor at the drop of a hat was really no fun. Now we would be 14 hours away and have a 2 year old traveling along with us and Ash at a new job with no time off. Thanks but no!

So, anyone have suggestions on places that are "friendly" in the Portland area? We're hoping that Ash lands a job somewhere close to Portland so we're hoping to find an area within an hour drive any direction. We have looked at troutville (i think that's what is was called), scappoose, (because well, it sounds like pooseee and yes, we thought it was funny, don't judge us) and Beaverton all near Portland. Seriously, who has this many lezzie sounding towns within a 30 mile radius?

It's that time again

2012-01-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, once again it's that time of the month! Ash hit high fertility yesterday and surged today so we insemed yesterday and today. Lets hope this month is it. Now on to the horrendous two week wait.

It's been a pretty busy week or so around here. Emma has been sick and we're trying to potty train her, actually she did it herself one day so it's been pretty easy.

On to other news, we are thinking about moving. Picking up and moving to Oregon or Washington. My ex husband lives there with my 18 year old daughter and my son and his wife are moving there within a couple of weeks. Even more than that, Ash really wants to change jobs and change scenery. I think it will be hard but I'm always up for an adventure. The only hard thing for me is my oldest daughter and my grand daughter are here, only a block away and my daughter is expecting. I'm hoping that she will follow us up there. I don't want to be away from them but I have to think about the big picture not just my picture. We live in a pretty conservative neighborhood, hell, what am I saying we live in Utah it's more than conservative. We are the token gays in the community. One day if we stay here Emma will go to school at the school I went to, she will more than likely never be invited to play at any ones house, or get invited to birthday parties and very few parents will allow their children to come to our house. It's just the way it is here, we want Emma (and hopefully a new baby) to grow up where having 2 parents of the same sex isn't such an oddity. It doesn't hurt that I have a love affair with the ocean. There is something about it that soothes my soul. The sound of the waves crashing, the smell (no, not that rotten fish smell), the sand on my toes, it's so peaceful. So, there it is, I think we're moving.

THE LIEBSTER AWARD!!!

2012-01-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Thank you Mike and Tony over at http://www2babydaddies.blogspot.com/ for giving me the Liebster, you are way to kind. You have seriously made my dreary day brighter and I love ya for it. I've loved your blog since I first ran across it and would nominate it myself if Jeni didn't already.

So anyways, The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:

§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them

§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog

§ Post the award on your blog

§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers

§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing.

So here are my 5 picks, and this was not easy due to all of the AMAZING blogs out there!

I love love love Jeff and Kevin over at http://3rdstreetnw.blogspot.com/ They are going to be amazing daddies!

I also love http://2-moms.blogspot.com/ they are really amazing and their daughter is the cutest little ray of sunshine you've ever seen.

And because I love the absolute realness that she brings to her blog D over at http://surromum.blogspot.com/ has me laughing and crying. Being a Surro is rewarding but it's also heartbreaking sometimes and it's nice to hear both sides.

And Sid and Aaron over at http://azruleofthirds.blogspot.com/ amaze me! They are the proud fathers of the most amazing triplets! Don't get me started on their surro, she is also amazing and seriously carried the trips to like 34 weeks which is a miracle in itself!

My new favorite read is a super cute couple just starting to TTC. It's worked out pretty cool that we are usually (ok, last month anyways) just a day or two behind them so I'm hoping that PC and Cinderella over at http://prescottbellyfish.blogspot.com/ and Ash get preggy at the same time. That way Cinderella and I can commiserate about all the super fun hormonal milestones our wives are hitting Ohhhh Yaaaa can't wait for that fun again!!

Sad Sad Day

2012-01-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today heaven took an angel home. My grandpa passed away today. He is an amazing man, I can't say was because he is an amazing man. He lived a very long life, he would have turned 99 next month and he never let a moment pass him by. He drove up until last year, he water skied until he was well in his 60's. He danced at the senior center every chance he got and was always trying to find me a "new grandma". He outlived 3 wives and once he decided he was a burden to his 4th, he left her to come home and spend the rest of his days with him family. He had things he wanted to do before he went, he wanted to go back to Yellowstone, he wanted to fly fish on the wind river, and my uncle and his wife made sure he was able to do all of these things. My grandpa was a really neat man, he and his 2nd wife (the only grandma I remember) used to pack up the motorhome with used clothing and bikes, toys and housewares and drive deep into Mexico and donate them to an orphanage or whoever needed them. One day he and Gramma woke up and had a craving for Lobster so the next day they were on the way to Maine. One of my favorite memories of him is Chiclets gum, he always had a shirt pocket full of Chiclets for us kids. He was kind and gentle and a great explorer. He taught me so much in my life. He will be missed very much but I'm so glad he is in a place where he can no longer feel the effects of old age on his body. I'm sure he's in heaven with all his friends and family sitting back enjoying a cold one and talking about fishing and camping.

Thank you

2012-01-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say a quick Thank You!!! to those of you that posted such amazing upbeat comments the last few months. I know I'm a little late with this but I was looking through my blog comments tonight and I realized that you are all amazing! I appreciate having all of you as "friends". Ash sometimes rolls her eyes at me when I start to talking about my "friends" I'll say things like oh my gosh, you know Mike and Tony (just an example) they have the cutest pics of Zoey up today and she's like ummm who and who and I have you explain you know the cute guys in WA (at least in my world that's where ya'll live) same goes with many many of you. So anyways, thank you for being you and following along with my life.

Not this month :(

2012-01-09T22:13:00.000-07:00

I couldn't decide what to title this post, FU aunt flo was tempting but.....

We kinda knew that we blew our timing. We also kinda know we haven't waited long enough in between giving birth to surro babe and trying to get prego again. Although we are going to just keep trying. Get back in the grove of watching Ashley's body and relearning it's signals to say "hey there good looking, it's time". There's a lot of things we'll work on, getting Ash back on a vitamin and supplement schedule, maybe shedding a few pounds, maybe rethink insem strategy. What I'm really hoping for is that our February insem does the trick again, I think Feb is just our month!

I know I totally missed posting much about Christmas, let me just say that my amazing Ashley knows me so very well. I've been crushing on a Coach purse, not just one, there are a few that I was really in like with and Ash found one that I have never seen that I am soooo in love with! Also while we were in California I fell in love with another bag a Vera Bradley and she surprised me with it also. I am so lucky to have such an amazing partner. I got her tools, yes, boring, typical, dyke gift but she really wants to learn wood working and well, you can't without tools.

Timing is everything!

2012-01-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

And I'm afraid our timing was way off with this insemination. Any of you that have done insem or watched for ovulation know there are signs, eggy signs and none of those eggy signs were really present during this insem so in my own head I'm calling this one our dry run. I did forget how unsexy the whole thing is.

It goes something like this.... Me- damn where's the flashlight, Ash - ahhhhh I dunno (don't judge me, you try finding the cervix with a needle less syringe) Me- damn it, some got on my sheets, this syringe a piece if crap Ash - Ummmm you ready Me - insert heave sound here because by now the "smell" has accosted my nostrils (you know that man smell) and I have a very weak stomach which makes Ash laugh uncontrollable which makes it hard for me to "do my bidness" so ok hurry and calm down stop laughing at me, stop puking in your mouth, then stop laughing so i can put this stuff in it's place.... blah blah blah badda bing badda boom and hopefully a little baby making is happening.

So in my head I seriously am already in such a it's not gonna work this time mode and that is never me. I've always been the one saying this is it baby, this is the winning ticket, this baby is on it's way for the ride in the wonkatania! Ash is always negative Nellie (I love you baby, you know this about yourself don't think I'm being mean k) it's her way of protecting her heart. It's the sweetest thing ever. If shes convinced it's not happening this time she can't get hurt. Well this time she's like, honey I'm a little crampy, but not like period crampy (the other day) and today she's like HONEY, i peed today and there was some spotting so i like oh baby I'm so sorry you must be starting and she goes, NO I think it's implantation bleeding. I was like who are you and where is my f'n wife. Ok, only in my head because I would never want to hurt her feelings. She's the best wife ever.

So who knows could go either way.

This was that same evening, New Years Eve. My Daughters boy friend brought moustaches to the party which we all had a ball with.

Oh and for her birthday on top of possible knocking her up, I got her a tattoo she really really wanted. It says Love is Enough in my handwriting if my handwriting was beautiful but lets go with it's mine ok, don't judge me. And so you don't have a use your imagination about where this is on her body it's actually the inside of her forearm.

The eagle has landed!

2011-12-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

Holy crap it finally happened! On the road to the big city to pick up the "stuff". Nothing like a little ovulation to bring the party preparations to a halt, who needs perfectly cooked prime rib anyways. Here's to hoping the new year brings us luck on our first try and Ashs birthday (which is today).

Dear God!

2011-12-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

Oh Dear God, could we please ovulate sometime soon! We are sitting at day 21 and have still not ovulated. We use the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor and it showed us with Emma that Ash ovulated very late in her cycle (around now) but we always panic and think that we've missed it. I think it's why it took us so long to have Emma, we always thought she ovulated around day 18 but obviously not. So the next day or two hopefully will be "the" day.

More Pictures

2011-12-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't posted any pictures from our California get away. I'm missing California about now, the sound of the ocean, the smell (no, not the rotting fish and pollution smell, that clean ocean beachie smell) the freeness that we felt while we were there, and the warmth!

Pictures

2011-12-21T16:41:00.001-07:00

How about an almost wordless Wednesday! I know it's been forever, but I did get permission to share some photo's of the handsome baby TJ! Little TJ and his daddies should be safely back in the UK today. So I thought it would be fitting to post these today!

Isn't he beautiful! We skyped with J&T last weekend and he has grown so much already, up to 8+ pounds and doing great.

We are hoping with fingers crossed that within the next week we will be doing our first AI attempt! Possibly on Christmas day. We are beyond excited but we know our chances and our luck and are not getting our hopes up too high. I am trying to stay positive about it though. We are starting Ash on some vitamins and supplements that have been recommended to increase fertility/egg health so hopefully that will help some also. Everyone wish for a Christmas miracle for us.

It's been a long time coming

2011-11-14T18:42:00.001-07:00

Hello blog-o-sphere

This post is long over due but in the grand scheme of things it's right on time. Ash, Emma and I had an amazing break from reality on the California coast. We relaxed, we explored, we did everything we wanted to do and nothing that we didn't want to do. We found 2 food trucks from "The Great Food Truck Race" and ate lunch at them. Most impressed by the Nom Nom truck, the lime truck was a bit disappointing. We spent a few days at an amazing little campground just North of Malibu that we fell in love with and then moved down to San Diego for a week. We spent a couple days at Sea World and Emma fell in love! I've never seen her so entranced, it was the sweetest thing ever. We spent several days with my son in 29 Palms and we really enjoyed hanging out and just relaxing. We came home refreshed and ready to enter back into the reality of our lives.

Baby TJ is doing amazing! He was released from the hospital just a couple days after we left on our trip. He is over 6 lbs now and gaining every day. I talked to his daddies about posting a picture of him on here and they would prefer that I didn't. Just trust me when I say he is beautiful in every way. J&T are adorable daddies doting on TJs every need. They will be here for another week and then they are heading to visit with other family in the states before heading home to the UK. It's awesome to see them be the fathers that we knew they would be. I really think that is what was so hard for us. Had they been here when TJ was born and we were able to see them with him right away and we weren't with him in the NICU for the first 24 hours alone maybe it wouldn't have been so difficult. We are both glad that Ashley did this, it was an amazing experience. It was a little more emotional than we thought it would be but all in all an experience that has changed our lives.

So on to some new news........... We've decided to meet with our known donors family. His family was curious about Emma and wanted to meet her when they first found out that our donor had, well, donated.... That was about a year ago and we let him know that we weren't ready for that at that time. After the surrogacy journey we realized that we don't want to hide that aspect of her life from her so we are going to meet with our donors parents. Ash and I have always been hesitant to let anyone else in our little bubble so this is a huge step for us.

Other new news..... Our donor has agreed to help us with a sibling for Emma. We are going to start trying as soon as Ash gets back to a regular monthly cycle. Lets hope this time doesn't take us as long as it did to conceive Emma.

Quick Update

2011-10-18T12:43:00.001-06:00

Just wanted to do a super quick update. TJ is steadily improving, he's no longer needing oxygen and he's learning how to take his feeds with a bottle. He had been a little jaundiced but it seems to be clearing up. The daddies are adjusting to life with a baby in the NICU and Ash is adjusting to life without a baby playing kick ball with her cervix. I think this process is a lot harder than either of us thought it would be. In no way would we ever not sign the papers giving TJ to his daddies but it's a bit heartbreaking at the same time. Neither of us thought we were "attached" to the little guy emotionally but as humans that is impossible. I think Ash is feeling some PPD which is pretty normal and even some grieving which I would assume is also normal. We see the local lawyer on Thursday to relinquish custody of TJ to his daddies and I think after that we will get out of town for a while. Ash just wants to go somewhere, anywhere but here, so we're getting in the car with Emma and taking off to somewhere on the West coast. I told her we'd just flip quarters to decide which direction to go.

TJ Update

2011-10-13T11:06:00.002-06:00

Just a quick update on TJ. He is doing great! He came off the ventilator last night and off all support oxygen this morning. He looks amazing, he is surpassing all expectations so far. He is beautiful, such a sweet baby. His Daddies are on the way and can not wait to hold him. I have to admit I had low expectations for this hospital visit as far as how Ash and I would be treated but everyone has been amazing (minus 2 peeps I'll birch about later). The hospital as a whole has gone out of their way to make sure this is positive for all involved. I'm going to try to post a pic from my phone so hopefully it will work. Ok way not cool enough to figure that out yet

Not another boring blog post!

2011-10-12T17:57:00.001-06:00

I promise this isn't another boring blog post! Things have gotten crazy around these parts. J & T became Daddies today! Ash had little baby boy TJ this morning after a quick labor that did not want to be stopped. TJ weighs in at 4 lbs 10 ounces and is spending a bit of time in the NICU on a vent to help him but he's doing great. His Daddies are on the way from the UK to mee t him . Luckily they were able to watch everything unfold via Skype. Ashley is doing great and feeling soo much better, we're off to the NICU to check in on TJ.

Urrrrgggghhhhh

2011-10-09T22:19:00.000-06:00

Today was a long long day. I thought we had gotten past the worst of the preterm contraction worries but alas, today I was proven wrong! I woke up late this morning with a head ache and within just a few minutes of me being up Ash told me she was having some contractions, (her) well honey I've actually been having them on and off all night, some of them were pretty painful (me) huh, why didn't you wake me up? (her) you were sleeping really hard, you were snoring (me) ahhhh ok, why didn't you wake me blah blah blah fast forward a few minutes when I hear Ash call me to the bath room, (her) um honey, is this normal? (me) oh shit, blood, not normal, get your damn clothes on were going to the hospital! So, off we went to L&D, Ash was contracting pretty regularly every 5 minutes (after a dose and a half of tributaline at home) so they gave her a shot of trib, and then 4 doses of procardia which seemed to calm down the contractions quite a bit. They also gave her the first shot of betamethasone to help mature little TJ's lungs in case he decides he's not waiting another 7 weeks to be born. Since the contractions are not causing changes to Ash's cervix (thank god) they sent us home. We have plenty of procardia on board but she's starting to contract pretty regular again :( I think it's going to be a long night. The poor guys are worried sick and not sure what to do, they have flights scoped out just in case they need to fly in right away. Lets just pray that we have plenty of time for that to happen.

33 Weeks

2011-10-08T13:26:00.000-06:00

Can you believe we're already 33 weeks! The guys will be here the end of this month and it's all seeming all too real to everyone. For the first time in 33 weeks Ash is hitting that crazed craving stage where she looks at me and says things like "is it to far to drive to Vegas for some cookies" and she's not f'n around, she's dead serious. You see, we do not have a Trader Joes here in Utah (ya, it's stupid I agree) so when we drive through places that have them we stock up on things like olive oil, balsamic vinegar and meringue cookies, we brought several boxes home from Vegas in July. We are out of cookies, she needs her cookies, luckily my daughter lives not to far from one and is sending us a month supply of cookies or else I would be driving to Vegas this week to get my baby some cookies.

29 Week Belly Pic & a huge favor

2011-09-07T23:16:00.000-06:00

Hello hello hello, do you see what I did up there..... I enticed you with the promise of a belly pic :D and now I'll ask for the huge favor before I insert the picture...... it's almost a bait and switch but not really.

As some of you know, my son is a United States Marine and there is an amazing non profit organization here in Utah called Operation Adopt A Ghost. The founder, Linda Larsen selflessly gives everything she can to making sure our deployed Soldiers and Marines are well taken care of. OAG is producing a cookbook to sell to help offset shipping charges incurred sending countless packages. I am looking for recipes to include in this awesome endeavor. If you've ever wanted to do something to help, this is an easy peasy no cost way to help in a huge way. If you would like to submit a recipe please email them to me at blmathews0807@gmail.com.

If you're interested in knowing more about Operation Adopt a Ghost check them out at http://www.adoptaghost.org/

If you're interested in seeing what the needs are please check out www.anysoldier.com It's an eye opener, before my son was deployed, I thought the Marine Corp would provide him with everything he needed to survive a deployment, boy was I wrong. It's moving into the colder seasons in Afghanistan and the need is tremendous for things like, beanies, hand and feet warmers (my son had severe frostbite on his toes) personal care items, baby wipes (the only "shower" some guys get for weeks on end), feminine hygiene products (I hear women are very resourceful when it comes to this area as they can't always get these items at an outpost). The most important thing our Soldiers and Marines need is support. A letter, a card, drawings from your children all of these items are cherished. If you don't want to pick your own from anysoldier, let me know and you can send them to me and I will make sure they get to a soldier or Marine.

And just so you know, Ash said she will gladly change places with any of you other pregnant ladies. Although her tummy is still tiny baby is not and he/she enjoys playing soccer with her kidneys and pole dances on her spine. Due to Ash's body type she carries very deep and she labors in her back. Thank god for our Doula and her very strong hands.

Contractions

2011-08-24T22:47:00.000-06:00

When are Braxton Hicks not Braxton Hicks anymore? Ash has been having contractions more and more frequently this past week and it worries me a bit. (Ash, when you read this, and I know you will, I'm just paranoid, there is nothing to worry about, and most of all I love you all the way to God) We talked to the Dr about them but she really just brushed it off like we were ummm oh ya, paranoid. She said if they don't get closer together and don't stop with a change of activity that there is no problem. Well, I see a problem, Ash works her butt off, she can't always just run and sit down for 20 minutes to get them to stop. They happen all the time, at work, at home, walking through the grocery store. Am I just being paranoid, please just tell me I am.

I love Vinyl

2011-08-23T14:17:00.000-06:00

Soooo my Silhouette (die cut machine) is my new best friend. I've been cutting vinyl the last few days and I love this stuff.

This is in Emma's room. It's lyrics from the Beatles.

This one is in our living room

I love this stuff!