Parental Revelations

Guest Blogger: Relationships by BalanceJ

2011-04-06T16:23:00.000-04:00

There’s nothing like spending quality time with your kids. Today I spent time with my two beautiful daughters; we took a nice bike ride around the neighborhood and played catch in the front yard and it didn’t cost me a dime. As a neighbor was driving by, he stopped to reminisce when his father played catch with him. Here’s a middle age male talking about how those were some of his best memories with his father.

As parents, we think it takes extravagant trips or buying nice things to woe our kids; however there’s nothing further from the truth. There’s nothing better than the simple moments; they are usually free and the one’s kids remember most.

It saddens me to know that there are kids out there who don’t have a father and/or mother playing their part because of whatever excuse they use. Kids are truly the future; they come into the world as a blank sheet of paper waiting to be filled with nothing but positive encouragement. All it takes is time. If you don’t fill that void, someone else will be it positive or negative.

I love my two daughters to death and couldn’t imagine living without them. So the next time you check your wallet or purse and don’t find anything in it, just remember that all kids really want is your time and attention.

I challenge you to spend at least an hour a day with your child doing simple activities for one week; activities such as board games, playing catch, going for a walk, or riding a bike are just a few simple ideas. Let me know the outcome. Don’t be surprised 10 years from now your kid talks about those moments.

***BalanceJ is a guest blogger whose blog is geared toward helping others balance their life from spiritual through mental health. He is a married father of two, who seeks to better the lives of others, one person at a time. Check out his blog (click on his name) and let him know what you think and where you heard about him.

Furious Mom!

2010-12-10T00:39:00.000-05:00

It is probably true what they say that boys are easier than girls to raise. On any other day I would said give me my girls any day, but today I have a more indifferent feeling. Today, my thinking is like no other, I am furious with my daughter, because of her mouth (that most of time gets her in trouble and grounded). For years, my daughter has always viewed my brother as a child or playmate; because he has been that playful uncle, instead of the authoritarian that he should have been all alone. Now that my brother has graduated college and has grown up tremendously, he expects for the transition to be easy, and unfortunately it is not.

Today was proof of that. She asked his girlfriend inappropriate questions and spoke to him as if he was a friend. The problem with this is that my brother does not say anything to her; he just comes back and speaks to either me or my mother about it. I have spoke to her about this issue as well as grounded her; still the result was the same (evidence today). Now, I am about to start something new, RESPECT is do or nothing will be GIVEN! How do you think this will go over with her? Pray for me, this is uncharted territory for me with this little/big girl!

Barrel of Water #2

2010-11-16T11:30:00.000-05:00

Often, I find myself being a BARREL OF WATER when it comes to my daughter and the special events that take place in her life. One such event was her "Thanksgiving Feast Celebration Program", which took place at Urban Youth Impact, the afterschool center that she attends. The idea (what I took away from it) of this program was for the children to act/learn what a servant of GOD is supposed to facilitate: GIVING. The giving part was acted out by the children serving all the parents of their grade level dinner. It also was for the children to show their humble appreciation to their parents. The appreciation was shown by a series of mini speeches given by the children prompted by a question from their mentor, “Why are you thankful for your parents?”

As to be expected tears begin to form in my eyes as my daughter’s turn to speak approaches. Partly because she was being shy, because of all the extra unknown people in the audience that she did not know.

The question was asked “Why are you thankful for your parents” and my daughter placed her hands up to her eyes and made a slit in one of them so that she could eye me while speaking, and said “Because she loves me”. In that instant, the tears just flowed with ease. I was so proud of her and it touched my heart greatly that she remembered without a shadow of a doubt that MOMMY LOVES HER INFINITY! But I had to remember that we were around her friends and that she is getting older; so I quickly cleared traces of the tears from my chicks and eyes, mouthed to her that she did an excellent job and that I was so proud of her.

I could not help but yell inside a resounding: YES, SHE GETS IT! Finally, a verbal confirmation that I am raising a child who is socially and ethically aware of others. GOD is GOOD!

MOMMY loves you infinity, Makenly! Thank you for being my cover through the storms!

A Call for HELP!

2010-11-15T11:33:00.002-05:00

For the past two weeks I have been creating, researching and promoting my business website for my company Writers, ETC (which I started two years ago and had to take a break due to health reasons). I created this website and then started to promote it while attending grad school at night, working during the day and spending time with my little one. Who says there aren't SUPERMOMS? LOL.....More like VERY TIRED MOM'S....but I feel like the end result will be greater for me and her alike. Getting my business off the ground will allow me the flexibility and freedom to be there more with her in more ways than one. Opening up about what I do has been very hard for me, because some people perceive it as being boastful, but it is getting easier as time goes on (I am a very humble person, so when asked is when I open up about things). I started promoting my other company as well Shann's Boutique, which is a party favors website that I like because of the different variety of items it offers. It gives me great ideas for planning events and writing workshops for Writer, ETC.

With that said, I co-authored a book, which was released October 28th, titled Transformation: Reinventing the Woman Within (ask me about it, I think you will like what you hear). Therefore, I am in need of someone good to create an authors page on blogger to aid me in promoting and selling this and other books. Because, I recognize that I can't do everything, I am reaching out and saying HELP to anyone who knows someone who can help me with this project.

This is my post today from a "Superwoman Syndrome" mother who is realizing that she can't possibly do everything herself and is looking for people who have the same values as she does to work with! HELP!!!!!!

Strength of a Mother

2010-11-05T14:24:00.000-04:00

The test of my mommy patience and strength was tested this past Tuesday! My daughter is going through precocious puberty (this is another thing that I am trying to learn about and deal with) at 7 years old and had to have testing done at a local hospital’s outpatient surgical center. The test was about 4 hours and she had to fast prior to the test (the beginning of a monster – a hungry kid). I can not begin to put my day into words; therefore here is the schedule of the events that took place:

5:15a.m. - Alarm goes off and our day started off

6:40a.m. - We leave the house with destination hospital in sight!

8:00a.m. - Nurse calls munchkin back

8:35a.m. - Bone density X-ray taken (this was quick and easy)

9:15a.m. - It took 4 people (me and three nurses) to hold my daughter so that she could get her IV.

10:00a.m. - She cries that she is hungry and needs to eat NOW!

10:35a.m. - She begin to cry louder that she needs to eat NOW!

This small schedule is just a glimpse of what I had to contend with on that day. Every thirty minutes, blood was taken and after 4 hours of my daughter crying and being insistent that she needed to eat; it was over! 1:3 never looked so good! I could have hugged the clock in a momentous embrace. She was able to eat finally and the monster went away and my sweet baby girl reappeared. After arriving home I needed a nap, I felt like I was a preschooler who missed their nap!

My daughter has an unhealthy fear of needles; SOMETIMES! It is a weird situation where she is deadly afraid sometimes and less fearful other times. How do I begin to break her of this fear, knowing that this will not be her final meeting with a needle? Any suggestions, please?

Random Thoughts of the Night!

2010-10-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

As I stare at my little girl sleeping with such ease, my mind drift to thoughts of what's to be. If someone would have told me 10 years ago that I would be a single mother of an intelligent little girl, an author, entrepreneur and grad student without a husband; I would have told them to keep dreaming. Now, I can't see my life without any of it including the husband. Tonight my thoughts are random in the selection of past, present and future ideas, however one is selective: Am I destine to do this alone for my life? This has to be the thought of every single parent at some point, right? Or am I the only one who thinks this?

I can't help but look at her and feel that she is missing out on so much, by my selective behavior in the opposite sex. But when I think of how much she means to me and how much I want her life to be as diverse and full of greatness, one thought comes to mind: How can I not be selective in who I introduce into our lives?

As the story continues to unfold, I dream of grander times when I can share this life that I am building with a person willing to accept the gift that we have to offer! I struggle with not revealing to much or being to personal on this blog; however these random thoughts tonight needed to be expressed!

I hope you don't mind. Have a great Halloween Everyone!

Kindness

2010-10-29T15:21:00.004-04:00

Me and a friend was chatting about how suspicious we are of everyone (seems this way anyway). He had a project to do, which was to give away $50 to a person that needed it and to his dismay; he could not give it away! People flat out refused it, walked away or wanted to know what the arterial motive was for the gift. To me this was both baffling and understandable. Baffling, because in this economic battle that is upon us to stay afloat; you still can’t give money away. Understandable, because you don’t know who to trust or who will expect something in return for their kindness.

Are we under an illusion that the world still has some good in it?

Have we seen so much bad that we tend to expect the worst from everyone that we meet?

As a society, are we that disheartened that we think the worst in people without even knowing them or what they are about? It seems that way! I initiated a conversation with another friend who was in the military about this topic. He stated that since 9-11 he has become apprehensive of any and everyone that were not family members. I told him that I have become that way of everyone since I became a parent and the child abduction rates have sky rocketed. As an adult I can remember a simpler time when Halloween was a time to look forward to, not a time to analyze candy or decide to give a party instead of going door to door. A simpler time, when someone came up to you and gave you a quarter, you said “thank you” and went to the ice cream truck. Now we teach our children that you never take money or anything from strangers.

Is kindness a dying art form in our communities today or do we have to look deep for the great community that we envision? The lessons that I teach my daughter are in direct conflict with how our society is. I teach the biblical lessons of being kind to someone even though they may not be kind to you. As a seven year old this is very hard for her, because she expects everyone to be kind and if they are not she wants to treat them the same way they treat her (work in progress). I also teach her to see the good in a person even when they only show her the bad (I am working on this one as well, I tend to just shy away from dealing with that person at all, too much stress. Ironically, she does the same thing). I also tell her that you should not expect the worst (Even though most people expect the worst and is shocked by the best).

Having these conversations with these two individuals have started me to think about the foundation that I am building with my daughter and the vision that she will have toward life. Am I setting her up for a hard fall or am I giving her a positive outlook for a gloomy future filled with not so kind people?

Don’t get me wrong, I teach her to have survival instinct as well such as don’t talk to strangers, everyone is not your friend, be a leader not a follower, fight for yourself; do not let anyone bully you in to anything, be yourself ;an original, and most importantly, love yourself that way you won’t fall for anything! But I want her to also have a POSITIVE outlook on life instead of being one of those people who are always NEGATIVE about everything and everybody (we all know someone like this)!

Am I asking for too much? This is my Friday rant on KINDNESS!

I.D. ink...what we thINK: Meet Alisha....

2010-10-26T08:55:00.000-04:00

As a single parent of a very active, 7 year old little girl, I stay on edge when taking trips with her and her friends out in public. I am always looking and counting to make sure that everyone is with me. We we get in the car, it is like a breathe of fresh air for me. I ran across this blog today and I think it is a great way for parents to take a step further in making sure that their children are okay. Even though I do not anticipate my daughter getting loss, I am going to purchase these and utilize them when I have small groups of children with me such as attending the fair, girl scout outings, outside concerts, etc...... Take a look at their blog below then visit their site. Give me feedback on what you think.

I.D. ink...what we thINK: Meet Alisha....: "Hello Blog friends.... well as of right now- we have no one following so this is pretty much to myself which I believe is the first sign of ..."

Barrel of Water

2010-04-28T14:15:00.001-04:00

Lately, my life has had a few curves and detours. And my baby has been along for the ride experiencing a little more than what I wanted her too. But never the less she deals with it gracefully (as any 7 year old can). Yesterday, it kind of came to a breaking down point for me through a single gesture of thoughtfulness.

We had arrived home as we always do and my daughter instantly started her homework. After, that was done she helped me prepare dinner. Once we ate, I instructed her to clean her room up. As always her happy little comment was "can I vacuum the floor too?” Ever since she conquered her fear of the vacuum cleaner it has been no stopping her. LOL So without instruction, she began to vacuum the floor in the living room as well. In that moment my eyes whelped up and I gave her a big huge and told her thank you for being considerate enough to do that without being asked to do so. She smiled and said "you're welcome, mommy". Now, looking back I realize that I was a BIG BARREL OF WATER yesterday. LOL....Enjoy your day!

Overwhelming Love

2010-03-29T12:10:00.004-04:00

I have taken a small break from this blog. I have not been feeling well, which was a prelude to me having a cyst burst on my ovaries (Again). If any of you have ever experienced this, it is a pain like no other. I would have rather did NATURAL child-birth again. YES, I said it! NATURAL! Even though I was in so much pain, my guiding light was my 7-year-old. From that morning trying to get her dress she was more concerned with me being okay. When thinking about how much a child loves their parents that they think unselfishly about them when they are hurt, makes me say that we as adults can take a page out of the CHILDREN’S NOTEBOOK OF LIFE!

To give my daughter a small glimpse into just how much she has affected my life and just how much I appreciate her, I wrote this letter to her titled: You mean the World!

How do I begin to explain my un-defining love and appreciation I have for you little one? You were never planned, but you were expected. You were foretold to me months before I knew you existed; yet I felt as if you were with me always. I feel like you came into my life to give me direction back to the path God had laid out, you gave me a purpose and most of all you filled me with so much LOVE!

As a parent I look at you and see a beautiful and intelligent little girl who I want to succeed based on her choices, wants and beliefs in life. My prayer and fear is that I can give back to you an ounce of what you bring to me on a daily basis. As a single parent, I worry so much about small and big things in regards to our life. But each and every time I look into your eyes you bring a brightness to my soul.

Our bond did not begin after you were born, that unbreakable bond that we have was created before I laid my eyes upon you! You stick by me through sickness and good times. You are always understanding, you are never un-thoughtful, and you are always willing to help. What more could a mother ask for? You are not perfect, nor do you try to be; but with all your imperfections you give your all when it comes to ME!

I hope and I pray that I can be as great of a mother to you as a GREAT of a daughter you are to me!

I LOVE YOU INFINITY, Munchkin!

Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

Manners: Where are they?

2010-03-03T15:22:00.000-05:00

Today, I took a figurative look through my daughter’s eyes at the people who we encounter every day. I have worked hard to instill manners, values and an unbreakable foundation in my daughter. But looking around today I see so many individuals, old and young alike, who are lacking the basic fundamentals of life. The main one that I am referring to is courtesy! As I walked down the corridors, I did what I am accustom to doing; I looked each person in the eye, and either nodding my head and gave a gracious smile (if they were talking but made eye contact with me) or I said hello. Out of the maybe 20 people (estimate) I passed only 7 bothered to give a gesture in return!

This is sad! Looking back I use to get so upset when my daughter was younger. She would speak to individuals and some would ignore her. I can remember thinking to myself "what kind of person does not speak to a child". But as time has went on my daughter continues to speak even without a response, even though I can tell that it bothers her sometimes when the greeting is not delivered in return.

Once again, my daughter has taught me to continue speaking. But how ironic I just begin to take note of how people now are so distant, even when a greeting is sent their way. It makes me wonder, am I teaching my daughter an OLD rule that needs to be modified based on today's society?

After My Own Heart

2010-03-02T12:37:00.001-05:00

Starring off into the half dusk sky, my daughter had that faint glimmer of deep thought in her eyes and her face displayed a traveling ease of far away contemplations; which lead me to envision myself as a child as if my car was a two way mirror from the past to the present. I felt that something was on her mind and when asked, she gave subtle, non-evasive replies “Nothing is on my mind”, “I am just quiet, mommy”, and my favorite: silence!

Ten minutes after I gave up the attempt to journey into her mind, a faint voice entered my thoughts by saying “Mommy, I do not want you to pass away”, “What would I do without you”. I was surprised by her expression and was immediately jolted into stating to her that “She will be okay, God will be here to help her through difficult times”. Her response to me was classic; “I am too little to be without you”. With a smile on my face and a nod of my head I said “God willing I will live to see you graduate from school, start your own family and surpass what I have achieved in life”.

This conversation began while we watched the Loretta Claiborne story. When the actress began to cry because her mom died, I automatically turned my attention to my daughter to view what her reaction was to this moment. Her face had become sadden as she took it all in. Once she realized that I was watching her, she turned and asked “Why is she sad, mommy.” I said to her that the lady is sad because her mom passed away. At this particular instance, I could tell by the look she had that this would come back up soon.

And so it did!

But reminiscing about my childhood brings back these same memories that I use to have as a youth. I did not want to pass away early and miss out on my family. I use to think of death and stare off into the sky and think of the future and it would bring me to tears thinking of the what-if’s. How ironic we as adults think that our children are so different from us, when in essence they are miniature replicas of ourselves waiting to blossom into their unique selves.

After the conversation was over and she settled back into her set as we continued on our way home, I could not help but to think “LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER!”

Teaching Me About Pain

2009-04-06T16:44:00.002-04:00

Yesterday’s Sunday school lesson was about Jesus’ crucifixion and how we enjoy the life that we have because he died for our sins. Pain was also discussed as a vivid occurrence by saying that we all endure some type of pain before we experience joy!

This statement started me to reflect upon the birth of my daughter. I went through a natural delivery, impacted by back labor which caused me to feel as if my back was breaking into many pieces. But at the exact moment my daughter was able to open her eyes and grace upon the light of my room that pain became a distant memory. Joy filled my soul! As I look back on the pain that I thought would be etched in my brain with the association of child birth, it was replaced at that exact moment with unbridled bliss!

With the topic of pain, I take a page out of my 6 year olds book and aspire to obtain a portion of her resilience and loving nature and tailor it to myself. I look at the times when my daughter has been her sickest and she always mustard up enough energy to say “mommy are you okay” or “I Love You, mommy” or just walk into the next room to be under me. For me, children have a natural disregard for themselves when it comes to the bond that they have with their parents. They posses a desire to overlook their pain to make sure that we are experiencing joy and not pain.

As my daughter gets older, I see the life lessons that God has laid before me to bestow upon her. But I am also learning through her some lessons of my own that I have forgotten as time went on.

We never stop learning, until we die! Take time out one day and observe your children; they may have a lesson for you.

Deepest Fear!

2009-01-06T20:54:00.007-05:00

As a single working mother, my deepest fears are that I am not devoting enough time to my child. Also, I worry that if something happens to me what would happen to her; will she have a solid foundation to survive and succeed without me?Reading the poem below and remembering a situation that happened with my daughter jolted me into action to stop fearing the unknown and try!

Back in August I begin writing a children’s book with a companion book for parents. This book was about how I came to an early realization that my daughter was more aware and in tuned with me and her surrounding then I thought she was for a 5 year old. I hope that this book will help other parents to speak with their children about things more often! It is a learning process after all.

OUR DEEPEST FEARS by Marianne Williamson

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear in that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World.There is nothing enlightening about shrinkingso that other people won’t feel unsure around you.We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.As we let our own Light shine,we consciously give other people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."