Children are very sensitive and smart. They can decerned this parenting style very much. Some of them will then use this to channel to their advantages and it becomes a viscious cycle that parents do not even recognise that they have promoted this. The consequence is that in the long run, children will manipulate the guilt to get their ways. Worst is that they carry such parenting style into their own parenting method too !

Common examples are :

1. You feel that you have spent lesser time with them. Instead of weekends spent with them and promised to bring them out, you have instead promised your boss to complete a project for him during weekend or decided to fly off for a work trip during the weekend instead. Your guilt parenting falls in when you wanted desperately to compensate the time lost with a promise to a trip, a toy or sovenirs that you will bring back or extra pocket money or a new x box 360 !

2. You child called you in the middle of a meeting. The meeting was tense and you are on the firing squad, bombarded by your boss and team. You picked up the phone and snapped onto your child. Or worst, you shut down the mobile phone multiple times when she/he called again and again.  After the meeting, you felt lousy and called back. The first you got to know is that the child has gone out and not completed his assigned homework. You snapped and shouted scolding them on the phone.  Evening time, when you are back at work, you refused to talk to anyone and started to nag at everyone. Everything that they or your spouse has done is not satisfactory in your eyes.  You cried your self to sleep that night.

I do fall into this trap often. However, I have also learnt to recognise this and address this problem to myself to stop using guilt parenting method. First, I have to humbly recognised my own faults. Secondly, I need to nip that situation in the bud. Address the concerns and put in priorities the work and the children. Thirdly, the materials treats that I used was to be worked in situations of motivations and not guilt parenting.  Fourthly and lastly, I never hesitant to say sorry and kiss my child when I know I fall into this trap.

Once I have done the basic of the steps, I am free of guilt parenting as well as the negative consequences that can bring to myself, my child, my rest of  my family as well as the caretakers.

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It doesn’t take a lot to make our kids feel valued, but it does take some conscious effort on our part.

Here are just a few ideas to help.

When you see your kids in the morning or after school, greet them with a hug and a genuine word of  acknowledgement.

Say something like: ” Good morning, sweetheart”, or ” Hey, how was your day at school ?”

When you get a break at work, take a few minutes to call them, just to say hi, orput a little note in their lunchbox. And when discussiing a topic with friends or family, ask your kids their opinion.

You’ll be amazed at some of the ideas they come up with.

Remember, those who love the most should get the best we have to offer.

Source: Dr Bill Maier

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I advised her to rest well and take good care of herself. Eat healthy and more importantly pray. At this time, prayers worked. Prayers will break all ground and miracles will happen. Pray to God for miracle healing on her body. Talk to the little one in the womb, sing Worship with her, calm her and ask her to jointly made prayer to the Abba Father that He will heal, He will increase his blessings on the little one in the womb. It is a joint prayer of the little one in the womb and her mum to the Abba Father for blessings, growth and health.  10 days after the prayers were made with the mum, I received the good news. The little one has grown and increase weight in her mum’s womb. She will be heavy enough to be delivered soon (likely by the end of this month). The mum have also stabilized in her health and rest. Rest of the family members had recovered from fever and flu. I praise the faithful Father and Jesus for the healing and blessings upon the little one and her mum.  The little one has listened to her mum’s comfort, knew and agreed with her mum that she will be well and will come to this world healthy and blessed.  Joint Prayers helps ! Even it is a little life in the womb that does not make any noise as yet, she hears her mum’s heartbeat and prayers. More importantly, joint prayers helped.

I looked forward to the good news once that the little one will be delivered on scheduled time and will be a heavy over 2.5 to 3 kg girl. Praise God for all His Glory and Blessings !

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How can I tell why my baby is crying?

She’s hungry
Once you learn to recognize the signs that your baby wants to eat — she’ll fuss, make noises, and root around for your breast if you pick her up — you’ll get pretty good at feeding her before she starts to really cry. Until then, checking to see if she’s hungry is a good first step when your baby cries. Food might not stop her crying right away, but let her keep eating if she wants to. She’ll stop once her stomach is full.

She needs a fresh diaper
Some babies let you know right away when they need to be changed. Others don’t mind when their diapers are soiled — it’s warm and comfortable to them. (Parents are often surprised when they pick up their infant and find she’s been sitting in a dirty diaper and never made a sound.) Either way, this one is easy to check and simple to remedy.

She’s too cold or hot
Newborns like to be bundled up and kept warm. (As a rule, they need to be wearing one more layer than you need to be comfortable.) So when your baby feels cold, like when you remove her clothes to change her, she’ll express her discomfort by crying. You’ll learn how to quickly change a diaper and wrap your baby back up. Be careful that you don’t overdress her, since she’s less likely to complain about being too warm than about being too cold and won’t cry about it as vigorously.

She wants to be held
Babies need a lot of cuddling. They like to see their parents’ faces, hear their voices, and listen to their heartbeats, and can even detect their unique smell (especially Mom’s milk). After being fed, burped, and changed, many babies simply want to be held. You may wonder if you’ll “spoil” your child by holding her so much, but during the first few months of life that isn’t possible. Infants vary a lot in how much they want to be held. Some demand a lot of attention, while others can spend long periods of time sitting calmly by themselves. If your baby likes the attention, pick her up, wear her in a front carrier or sling, or place her next to you.

She can’t take it anymore
While newborns often thrive on attention, they can easily become overstimulated and have a meltdown. You may find that your baby cries longer than usual after spending a holiday with many adoring family members or has periods at the end of each day when she seems to cry for no reason. Newborns have difficulty processing all the stimulation they receive — the lights, the noise, being passed from hand to hand — and can become overwhelmed by too much activity. Crying is their way of saying, “I’ve had enough.” This usually happens when your baby is tired. Take her somewhere calm and quiet and let her vent for a while, and then see if you can get her to sleep.

She doesn’t feel good
If you’ve just fed your baby and checked that she’s comfortable (she can be troubled by something as subtle as a hair wrapped around her toe or a clothing tag that’s poking her), but she’s still crying, consider checking her temperature to make sure she isn’t ill. The cry of a sick baby tends to be distinct from the hunger or frustration cry, and you’ll soon learn when your baby’s cries “just don’t sound right” and she needs to be taken to the doctor.

None of the above
Sometimes you might not be able to figure out what’s wrong. Many newborns develop periods of fussiness when they’re not easily soothed. These fussy periods can range from a few minutes of crying to full-blown colic. Colic is defined as inconsolable crying for at least three hours a day and at least three days a week. Even if your baby isn’t crying this much, these episodes may be difficult for you. When all else fails, try the tips below.

Wrap her up and hold her close
Newborns like to feel as warm and secure as they did in the womb, so try swaddling your baby in a blanket, wearing her, or holding her against your shoulder. But be aware that some babies find swaddling or cuddling too constrictive and respond better to other forms of comfort such as rhythmic movement or sucking a pacifier.

Let her hear the rhythm
Babies are used to the sound of your heartbeat; that’s another reason they love to be held close. You can also try playing soft music, singing a lullaby, or even putting her close to the rhythm of an electric fan or the white noise of a vacuum cleaner.

Put her in motion
Sometimes just the motion of carrying your baby will be enough to calm her. Other times, it may help to rock her gently in a rocking chair or swing, set her in her bouncy seat, or place her in her car seat on top of the dryer while it’s on (the dryer’s vibrations can cause her seat to move enough to fall off, so make sure you stay by her side while you do this!). You could also push her around outside in her stroller or take her for a ride in the car.

Massage her
Most babies love to be touched, so a massage might be just the thing to soothe your baby. Don’t worry about not knowing the perfect movements — as long as they’re gentle and slow, they should bring comfort. Also, try rubbing your baby’s back or belly. This will help if she’s having gas pains — which may be the problem with some colicky babies.

Let her suck on something
Even when she’s not hungry, sucking can steady an infant’s heart rate, relax her stomach, and calm her flailing limbs. Give her a pacifier or a finger to clamp onto and let her go to town.

Take care of yourself
No baby ever cried herself to death, but a crying baby can be very stressful for new parents. You’re chronically sleep-deprived and may already be unsure about how to care for this baby. Mom’s emotions are all over the place due to the hormonal changes she’s going through. Dad may not be sure what role he should play in caring for the newborn or whether he’ll ever get Mom’s attention again. Add a crying baby to this scenario and many parents can become overwhelmed with feelings of incompetence.

If you know your baby’s needs have been met and you’ve tried to calm her but she’s still crying, it’s time to take care of yourself so you don’t get too exasperated:

• Put your baby down in a safe place and let her cry for a while.
• Call a friend or relative and ask for advice.
• Give yourself a break and let someone else take over.
• Put on quiet music to distract yourself.
• Take deep breaths.
• Remind yourself that nothing is wrong with your baby and crying won’t hurt her — she may just need the release.
• Repeat to yourself, “She will outgrow this phase.”
• Whatever you do, don’t take your frustration out on your baby by shaking her.

Fortunately, babies (and their parents) are resilient and somehow manage to get through even the most difficult crying episodes. Take heart that by the time your baby is 8 to 12 weeks old, she’ll be better able to soothe herself and much of the crying will stop.

source: Babycentre

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Here are some things to try:

•  Avoid giving your child too many foods that have a binding effect. These include bananas, cooked carrots or squash, and large quantities of dairy products such as milk, cheese, yogurt, and ice cream.

•  Boost your child’s fiber intake. Give him plenty of whole-wheat crackers, cereal, and bread, as well as fruits and vegetables such as prunes, apricots, plums, raisins, peas, beans, and broccoli. Popcorn is also a great source of fiber for older children, but it’s a serious choking hazard for younger kids.

•  To help keep your child’s stools soft, increase the amount of fluid he drinks. Water is your best bet, but small amounts of prune, pear, or apple juice may also help. Your child is probably drinking enough if he pees at least once every five to six hours.

•  Encourage your child to be active every day, to get the blood flowing to all of his organs.

•  Massage your child’s belly. Measure three finger-widths below his navel and apply gentle but firm pressure with your fingertips. Press until you feel a firmness or mass. Maintain gentle but constant pressure for about three minutes.

•  Encourage your child to use the toilet as soon as he feels ready to poop. If he says he never feels ready, try having him spend five to 10 minutes on the toilet after breakfast and dinner. Children who’ve been constipated for a long time may have lost the ability to perceive that their rectum is full.

•  Make sure your child isn’t deliberately withholding bowel movements. Some children aren’t comfortable using the toilet away from home. Others start resisting bowel movements after having one that was hard and difficult to pass. Withholding will only make the constipation worse, so talk with your doctor if you think this might be what’s going on with your child.

•  Talk to your child’s doctor about treatment options. She may suggest an over-the-counter stool softener, a lubricant such as mineral oil, a suppository, or laxatives if your child is very constipated. A glycerin suppository will stimulate the rectum and help your child pass a stool. While using a suppository occasionally is fine, don’t do it on a regular basis, because your child could wind up relying on suppositories to have a bowel movement.

Note: If your child is deliberately holding back his stools, treating him with suppositories or an enema could be extremely upsetting to him. Always check with your doctor before resorting to this type of treatment.

•  If your child is passing such hard, dry stools that he tears the delicate skin near the opening of his anus (you may be able to see these tears, known as anal fissures, or a little blood), you can apply some aloe vera lotion to the area to help it heal. Be sure to mention the tears to his doctor

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by Joyce Lollar

When you have kids, it’s often easier to socialize at friends’ homes than at restaurants, malls, or movie theaters. But even at someone else’s home, you’ll probably have higher expectations of your child than in your own home, especially if you’re visiting friends who don’t have kids.

A few suggestions for managing a friendly visit:

Lay down the ground rules. Explain to your child before you go that you’ll expect her to keep her feet and shoes off the furniture, and that running indoors is not allowed.

Reduce surprises. It can be helpful to brief your child on what will likely happen during the visit: “Mommy, Daddy, and Mr. and Mrs. Jones will sit in the kitchen and have coffee, and you and Jane will probably play in the family room.”

Create distractions. If you’re visiting a home where no kids live, it’s smart to bring something for your child to occupy herself with, such as books, small games, or coloring books.

Know the code. You might want to establish a signal beforehand to let your child know that a behavior isn’t appropriate and must end. Show her that when you tug at your ear, for instance, that means stop. This way, you can warn her without embarrassing her.

Be ready to move. If your child doesn’t notice your warnings or really goes off the rails, you may need to forget about avoiding embarrassment and take her outside for a nerve-soothing run around the yard before gently reminding her of your expectations.

Avoid collateral damage. While you can’t expect your hosts to childproof their house for you, take a glance around the area where your child will be to check for breakables or hazards.

“Just say, ‘That’s a beautiful china bird, but I know my daughter will want to touch it. Can I put it up on this shelf to keep it safe?’” says Cindy Post Senning, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter and the author of the manners picture book Emily’s Magic Words: Please, Thank You, and More. If there are too many treasures to deal with, it’s fine to ask whether you can all sit outside or move to another room with fewer breakables.
By age 2, many kids can:

• have a general understanding that the rules for other people’s homes can be different from the rules at their home

By age 4, many kids can:

• comprehend and follow many of the rules of someone else’s home – usually with some prompting from you
• understand and obey a nonverbal signal to stop doing something (but sometimes they’ll be too excited to heed your cue)
• usually remember to keep their feet off the walls and furniture
• refrain from running in the house, although sometimes they’ll need a reminder from you
• refrain from touching fragile objects – especially if you remind them

By age 8, many kids can:

• join in adult conversations for brief periods of time (15 minutes or so)

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It doesn’t take a germ warrior to keep a family well-protected from bug-borne illness. Just follow these seven basic, important steps:

1. Teach your children to wash their hands at these key times: after going to the bathroom, petting an animal, or playing outside, and before eating.

2. Do hand washing right: With soap and water, it takes 20 seconds of scrubbing to kill the germs that need to be killed.

3. Keep a bottle of hand sanitizer with you for visits to playgrounds, mall food courts, and other places where there might not be a sink handy. Be sure to cover every part of the hand, including under the nails, if possible.

4. After preparing meat or poultry, wash cutting boards with hot, soapy water and spray counter tops with disinfectant. The bacteria commonly found on raw meats — including campylobacter, salmonella, and E. coli — are more dangerous than any other germs you’re likely to have in the house.

5. Wash small cuts and scrapes with soap and water. Apply an antibacterial ointment, put on a bandage, and change the bandage every day until the wound heals.

6. Make sure your children are up to date on their vaccinations, and consider getting them a flu shot every year. A school-age child who’s been vaccinated against the flu is less likely to bring home a bug that can infect the entire family.

7. If someone in your house is sick, take a moment to clean doorknobs, television remotes, toys, and other items your children touch throughout the day

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Grade-schoolers aren’t exactly paragons of respectful behavior. In fact, it often seems as though their whole purpose in life is to get your goat. That’s perfectly normal, according to Jane Nelsen, an education specialist and the coauthor of Positive Discipline A—Z. “They’re testing the limits of their power,” she says. “Frankly, I worry about kids who don’t do this!” Despite the ongoing need to test limits, kids also need to learn the importance of respect for others — and respect begins at home.

What you can do

Demonstrate respectful behavior. “We don’t generally give our children the kind of respect that we demand from them,” says Jerry Wyckoff, a psychologist and the coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. “We get confused because often, our upbringing makes us equate respect with fear: ‘I really respected my father because I knew he’d hit me if … ‘ That’s not respect — that’s fear.”

Instead, begin by listening. In daily conversation, look your child in the eye and make it clear that you’re interested in what she’s saying. To listen more formally, hold regular family meetings where everyone — including your grade-schooler — can air their ideas and opinions about issues facing the whole family.

Teach polite responses. Your youngster can show caring and respect for others through good manners. By this age, she ought to be saying “please” and “thank you” regularly and need just the occasional reminder. Explain that you’d rather help her when she’s polite to you, and that you don’t like it when she orders you around. Again, being respectful yourself works better than lecturing. Say “please” and “thank you” to your child (and others), and she’ll learn that the phrases are part of normal communication, both within your family and in public.

Avoid overreacting. If your grade-schooler calls you a “butthead,” try not to get upset (hey, at least you don’t have cooties!). A child who wants to provoke a reaction will endure almost any unpleasantness just to get a rise out of you. Instead, get face to face and say quietly but firmly, “We don’t call each other names in this family.” Then show her how to get what she wants respectfully: “When you want me to help you, just ask me nicely. Say, ‘Mom, I need some help with my homework, please.’”

Expect disagreements. Life would be much easier if our children always happily complied with our requests, but that’s not human nature. Try to remember that when your grade-schooler won’t do your bidding, she isn’t trying to be disrespectful — she just has a different opinion.

Teach her that she’ll fare better if she can learn to stop expressing herself disrespectfully (”You’re so boring, I don’t want to be with you!”) and instead learns to put a positive spin on her requests (”I really don’t want to go with you to Grandma’s this afternoon. Can’t we call Emma and see if I can go play with her while you’re gone?”).

Set limits. “One of the best ways to model respect is to be both kind and firm in all of your discipline,” says Nelsen. “Being kind shows respect for your child, and being firm shows respect for what needs to be done.”

So if your grade-schooler throws a fit in the clothing store and none of your coping tactics work, what do you do? If the shopping can be postponed, tell her matter-of-factly, “We’re going to leave now and come back to the store another time when you’re feeling calmer.” If the errand has to get done, walk a few feet away from your child after telling her “I’ll be right over here where you can see me. Let me know when you’re feeling calmer, and then we can finish up our shopping.” If the meltdown continues you can always lead your child out to the car, where she can collect herself in private.

Talk it over later. Sometimes the best way to handle disrespect is to discuss it with your grade-schooler later, when you’ve both had a chance to cool off. You can validate her feelings and make your point by saying, “Honey, I could tell you were very upset. What do you think caused that? What ideas do you have to solve the problem? What would be a more respectful way to tell me how you’re feeling?”

“One mistake parents make is that they try to impose consequences instead of helping children explore consequences,” says Nelsen. “If your child believes you’re really curious about her thinking, it’s amazing — she’ll often come to the same conclusion you would.”

Praise respectful behavior. Reinforce your grade-schooler’s impromptu displays of politeness as much as possible. But be specific. “The praise should describe the behavior in detail,” Wyckoff emphasizes. “We tend to say, ‘I’m proud of you,’ ‘good job.’” Instead, say, “Thank you for saying please when you asked for a snack,” or “Thank you for asking my permission before you borrowed the scissors from my desk.” Be explicit, and your youngster will quickly learn that her efforts are worthwhile and appreciated.

from parentcentre.com

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Fresh eggs, even those still in the shell, need to be handled carefully to avoid the risk of foodborne illness. Even clean eggs with uncracked shells can contain Salmonella bacteria, which can cause a serious intestinal infection. And children, along with the elderly and people with weakened immune systems, are the most vulnerable to foodborne illnesses.

The FDA requires the following labeling on all cartons of shell eggs that have not been treated to kill Salmonella bacteria (by in-shell pasteurization, for example): “Safe Handling Instructions: To prevent illness from bacteria, keep eggs refrigerated, cook eggs until yolks are firm, and cook foods containing eggs thoroughly.”

When buying eggs, the FDA recommends that you:

• Only buy eggs sold from a refrigerator or refrigerated case.

• Open the carton and check to be sure the eggs are clean and not cracked.

• Refrigerate the eggs promptly.

• Store the eggs in their original carton and use them within three weeks of purchase.

When cooking with eggs:

• Keep your work area clean. Wash your hands, utensils, work surfaces and equipment with hot, soapy water before and after working with eggs or egg-containing foods.

• Cook eggs until the yolk and the white are firm. Egg-containing casseroles and other dishes should be cooked to 160ºF. Check the temperature with a food thermometer.

• If a recipe calls for raw or undercooked eggs (Caesar salad dressing, for example), use shell eggs that have been treated to destroy Salmonella, or use pasteurized egg products.

Chill, chill, chill:

• Cooked eggs should not sit out for more than two hours. Refrigerate them.

• Use hard-cooked eggs within one week after cooking.

• Use frozen eggs within one year. Do not freeze eggs in their shells. Instead, beat the whites and yolks together and then freeze them.

• Refrigerate leftover egg-containing foods and use them within three to four days.

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When experts talk about bonding, they’re referring to the intense attachment you develop with your baby. It’s the feeling that makes you want to shower them with love and affection, or throw yourself in front of a speeding truck to protect them.

For some parents, this takes place within the first few days — or even minutes — of birth. For others, it may take a little longer. In the past, researchers who studied the process thought it was crucial to spend a lot of time with your newborn during his first few days to seal the bond right away. But now we know that bonding can take place over time. Parents who are separated from their babies soon after delivery for medical reasons or who adopt their children when they’re several weeks or months old can also develop enormously close, loving relationships.

What if I don’t bond with my baby right away?

Breathe easy. Parent-baby bonding is complicated and often takes time to gel. As long as you take care of your baby’s basic needs and cuddle with her regularly, she won’t suffer if you don’t feel a strong bond at first sight.

“There’s so much discussion about bonding with a new baby that mothers often feel guilty if they don’t feel some incredible attachment to their new baby immediately,” says Edward Christophersen, a pediatric psychologist in Kansas City, Missouri. “But bonding is truly an individual experience, and it’s just as reasonable to expect the bond to develop over a period of time as it is for it to develop instantaneously.”

Your baby may be cute and cuddly, but she’s also an entirely new person, one you’ll have to get used to before you become enmeshed. You can’t force yourself to bond. There’s no magic formula.

A true parent-child bond is a byproduct of everyday caregiving. Over time, as you get to know your baby and learn how to soothe her and enjoy her presence, your feelings will deepen. And one day — it may be the first time you see her smile — you’ll look at your baby and realize you’re utterly, ineffably filled with joy and love for her. Now that’s bonding.

When should I worry?

If, after a few weeks, you find that you don’t feel more attached to and comfortable with your baby than you did the first day, or if you actually feel detached and resentful of her, talk to your baby’s pediatrician and your own doctor or midwife. Postpartum depression is real and can hamper bonding, in which case it’s best to seek help as soon as possible.

Early intervention can prevent your relationship with your child from deteriorating. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to win back your baby’s trust and affection.

Source: Babycentre.com

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