Are you tired of watching your kids clean their rooms with a shovel ?  Getting some kids to clean their rooms is like asking sun to rise in the West !

They can be straight -A students, but their bedrooms look like a war zone ! Some parents throw their hands up and say: ” Well, it is their room, and if they want to live that way, so be it .” But I am not sure that is the best approach.

A clean room is often a sign of respect for self and others. And every child should be held to a certain level of neatness, even if it is just ” acceptable”.

One good approach is to set clear rules regarding cleanliness. You might post a memo on the fridge  that evey Tuesday and Saturday are ” Pick-up days” and nobody eats dinner until their rooms are in order then stick to it.

Most kids would not be as concerned about corners as you are, so do not demand perfection. As long as they dig out  the shovel and make a serious effort on a regular basis !

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We have all heard horror stories of day-care facilities that abuse or neglect children when parents are not watching. This unnerves every loving parent who must rely on others to care for their children during the day.

If you are one fo them, you must learn to evaluate the people you entrust your mist precious possession to  five days a week. You can beging by checking to see what your country’s caregiver  must meet. Before you leave your little one, you should observe the care-giver interacting with your children for a minimum of two hours. Most importantly, drop in unannounced to check what the care is like when you are not around. And keep your ears open to what your child says.

There are many wonderful aregivers out there who truly love children. With careful attention,  I am sure you will make a good choice for your family.

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Boundaries do more than keep our kids safe- they guide them in fudamentals of life.

When we set clear limits, we are teaching our kids that some things are unacceptable and worng and can lead to trouble later in life.

We are protecting their future.

But not all limits that parents set are about guidence and protection.

Some tend to be personal preferences- behaviours that simply suit our style.

For instance, people who value cleanliness may go overboard by expecting their kids to be perfectionists. A toy left in the living room can turn into a major battle.

Kids need to mind, but they also need space to develop their own personalities.

There is nothing wrong with expecting a level of cleanliness, but before going to was over a messy room, make sure you are not drawing battle lines in the wrong places.

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Teach your kids to be selective in their iewing habits,and to use their time wisely.

You might start by limiting the amount of time they are allowed to watch , and then encouraging them to plan ahead. Help them choose which programmes are worth spendiing their time on.

The best shows are those that stimulate other interest, like singing or animals, or outdoor activities or related to science.

If your child likes to bake, introduce them to cooking programmes, and then encourage them to write down their recipes for later. If science is their thing, turn them on to the Discovery channel.

Television can be a great teaching tool, but only it is is used wisely.

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Many times following speaking engagements, Dr James Dobson has been approacjed by a mother about a problem with her child. As mum was speaking, it is noticed that the subject of the conversation ( the child ) standing just behind, his little ears stretched as he listened to a candid description of his faults. It is visible that when a parent unintentionally dissassemble a child’s esteem in this way.

It is not just insensitive parents who do this. There is a case of a professional speacalist too. Dr James was once referred a bright 9 year old boy to a neurologist because  of severe learning  problems. After giving the boy examination, the  doctor called his parents, and discussed details of the boy’s drain damage in front of his little patient. If was as if he could not hear those words, or comprehend the insult they carried.

Sensitivity is the key. It means turniong into the thoughts and feelings of our kids, listening to the cues they  give us, and reacting appropriately to what we detect. It is a wise adult who  understands that self-esteem is the most fragile characteristics in human nature, and once broken, its reconstruction is more difficult to repair than Humpty- Dumpty.

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It is a wonder kids ever get their homework done with all the distractions life throws at them.

They have got sports, choir, drama class and dozens of other activities they could sign up for. A lot of them have chores to do at home, as well. Most adults cannot even keep up with their kids’ schedules !

When kids have trouble getting their homework done, it is often because they are simply too busy. Parents need to step in and help whenever possible. Beging by  setting clear boundaries on their time. Kids often feel pressured on sign up for every event that comes along - especially if they are overachievers.

It also helps to teach them how to break down large projects into bitse-sized chunks. Kids who are busy with often put off big homework assignments until the last minute, putting even greater pressure on themselves.

Finally, insist that they establish healthy eating and sleeping habits.

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Kids do not always tell us when something is bothering them. That is why it is important to watch those little red flags.

Any time a child’s behaviour changes, it is a good sign that something different is going on in their life.

It could be a problem at school, like being picked on by a buly. Or they could having nightmares, or other unsettling events.

One mother noticed that her 12 year old girl suddenly developed separation anxiety. The behavour seemsed to come out of nowhere, so the mother knew instincitively that something was wrong. I told her to have a heart to heart talk with her daughter, and try and draw her out.

Children do not always share their problems, so it is important to  let them know that it is safer to tell us when something - or someone - is bothering them.

Just talking through a struggle is often the best way to fix it.

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The present stresses will one day seem insignificant and remote. What will matter to you then will be the loving relationships that you have built within your family, even when other parents ran away or bured themselves in their work.

Does it help to know that in a survey of 3000 parents, 85 % said they had at least one strong-willed child who stressed them to the limit ? You are not an exception of the butt some kind of cruel cosmic joke. It is parenthood.

Others have survived, and you  will too. Remember that you are not to be blame for your childr’s inborn temperament.

Do not panic; stay on your child’s team, even when it appears to be a losing team; and give the whole process time to work itself out.

Source: Dr James Dobson

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by JoAnne Robb
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

Do I really need to worry about food poisoning?

You do if you want to avoid those nasty bouts of cramps, diarrhea, and vomiting. The fact is that most every time you or your child has a stomachache or diarrhea, food poisoning bacteria are the likely culprits. What’s more, you may never know what caused it, since symptoms generally take up to two days to appear. Bacteria in food can double in number every 20 minutes at room temperature, and a few thousand is all it takes to lay an adult low. Children may be even more vulnerable to food poisoning because of their small size.

Where do bacteria come from?

You can’t see, smell, or taste them, but millions of bacteria are all around you. Most are harmless; some, like E. coli and salmonella, are a menace to the digestive system. These bugs may already be present in raw meat, poultry, fish, or eggs — they thrive on protein — or you may introduce them yourself if you forget to wash your hands before handling food. They will be happy to infest any kind of food as long as it’s moist and warm enough and not too salty or acidic.

Is my kitchen clean enough?

Bacteria can survive on kitchen surfaces for hours and spread to other foods that way, so keep things clean. Be especially careful to wash anything that comes in contact with raw meat or eggs before using it again. (Don’t use the same platter to carry both raw and cooked meat to and from the grill, for example.) A thorough scrubbing with hot soapy water is plenty good enough. The new antibacterial cleaners can’t do much better. And don’t forget to wash your towels often in hot water and sterilize your sponge every few days by throwing it in the dishwasher. Replace the sponge every few weeks.

Won’t cooking kill bacteria?

Cooking food to 160 degrees F will kill most bacteria. (Some meats need to be even hotter. Don’t guess by the color; use a meat thermometer.) But if the food has been at room temperature for more than two hours, bacteria may have accumulated to dangerous levels and formed heat-resistant toxins that cannot be killed by cooking. Even cooked food can become contaminated this way, so get those leftovers into the fridge as soon as you can.

Is my refrigerator cold enough?

Your fridge should be set no higher than 40 degrees F (again, use a thermometer). Cold slows down the growth of bacteria. Store leftovers in shallow containers so that they’ll cool quickly. And don’t overstuff your fridge; air has to circulate to keep the food cold. Even at this low temperature, spoilage bacteria will start to go to work on your leftovers within a few days. When in doubt, throw it out!

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