When it comes to their future after high school, young people have a dizzying array of choices and options made available to them since the dawn of the information superhighway. However, with so many choices, anxiety levels increase. What if I make the wrong choice? One way to give young people the time and space to understand their unique purpose and identity as they grow into adulthood is to choose a gap year. A gap year is a time set aside between high school and college or career to gain insight, perspective, and experience.  Lots of college admissions counselors are supportive of the idea, as they see the benefits for incoming students. Many official gap year programs exist to bring purpose and structure to this experience, such as Kanakuk’s Link Year program.

Our special guest, Adam Martin, helped start Link Year in its inaugural year and served as the VP of Operations for the first three years. In 2014, he left for a short period of time but returned to his position the spring of 2017. He is excited to be back serving with Link Year to disciple and coach students. Adam has a passion for the value of a gap year and is excited share his experience. Learn a few of the basics about gap years below, and listen to this podcast conversation for further insights that may help you and your student decide which path to take.

Notes to Parents from Pastor Nathan:

Through the years, I have seen high school graduates go immediately to college or their career and do very well. I have also seen students who return from a gap year absolutely transformed in a way that better prepares them for what’s next. Aubree Bryant, our Middle School Ministry Leader, even married a guy she was with on her gap year (although there are no guarantees of finding true love for all those who go. . . legally, I have to say that.) If you’re not familiar with the gap year concept, you probably have lots of questions. Here are a few that are frequently asked:

What do students do on a gap year?

Gap years exist for different reasons. A Christian gap year is usually related to mentoring, personal and spiritual growth, vocational exploration, biblical education, and missional volunteer service.

Is there a disadvantage for college admissions or a risk of losing scholarships?

Check with the admissions department of the school where your student wants to go. Many offer a deferred enrollment option for gap year students. Each university or college is different, and scholarship provisions vary. Private Christian schools may even offer class credit for a gap year.

Do all gap years require students to live away from home?

Most all gap years include living away from home. One of the main ideas is to develop skills for independent living. Breaks from the gap year program are usually included.

When is the deadline to apply?

For most programs, you will need to apply no later than the beginning of your senior year of high school. In some cases, application may be needed even sooner. Check the website for your specific gap year program.

Is one year too long?

The length of the gap year is a matter of personal preference and the type of program. Gap year programs that emphasize missions usually require a certain amount of training before going into the field, while others follow a course curriculum lasting for a semester or two.

What is the transition like after returning from a gap year?

The struggle is real. Re-entry from an overseas gap year can be especially difficult. Also, adjusting from living in a well-structured daily routine back into almost total flexibility can be challenging. Gap year organizers recognize these difficulties and work the entire year to prepare students for life after gap year. Honestly, it’s the whole reason for going on a gap year in the first place.

How much does it cost?

Each gap year program varies in cost depending on travel, study materials, and living expenses. Some gap year students live with host families, while others maintain an apartment, and still others may live in cabins at a Christian camp.

How do I choose a gap year program or find out more information?

First, know the reason for going on a gap year. Some are geared more for exploring a vocation, others are more geared towards missional service. Next, do the research. We’ve provided a list of gap year programs our students have participated in or that we know a lot about.

Gap Year Programs:

• Link Year
• Momentous
• Global Year
• Summit
• World Race
• Love Thy Neighborhood
• Impact 360

In this episode of the Parenting Pathway Podcast, Family Ministries Pastor Dave Carl and High School Ministry Pastor Nathan Kocurek dig into the topic of inviting our kids into a relationship with God. How do we inspire our kids to love God? It can’t be something we push, demand, or  discipline to achieve. This is a heart condition, so how do we encourage our kids to open their hearts to God?

Episode Notes

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

Matthew 13:44-46

This parable is about the kingdom of Heaven and its vast value. Sometimes, we Christians make this life with God sound like something that is no fun, not worth the effort, and not something to get excited about. But we should be wildly excited about it! And when our kids see our genuine excitement about our relationship with God, they may begin to want their own relationship with Him.

A few reasons why a relationship with God is so valuable:

1. It defines a purpose for your soul and life.

To be an apprentice of Jesus is to be more like Him. The question is, with all that I have been given, how am I going to uniquely point to God and draw others to Him?

“Doing the thing that you were uniquely made to do!”

2. We get to know the God who spoke all things into existence.

There is an innate, deep longing in our souls to know and be known by our Creator. God wants to be involved in your life, and your kids’ lives, personally. Yet it is hard for our kids (and us, as well) to reconcile with that sometimes. Are we worthy? Most of us would say we are not, and that is where Jesus comes in.

3. The Holy Spirit lives within us.

We have a desire to rescue and protect those we care for. So many of the kids we know disconnect themselves from God’s healing and mercy, yet the Holy Spirit has the power to protect people from self-loathing and self-harming.

The concept of loving Jesus starts now. We don’t have wait until we arrive in Heaven to live a full life in the arms of Jesus.

In this episode of the Parenting Pathway Podcast, pastors Dave Carl and Nathan Kocurek discuss the challenging nature of forgiveness. Listen as they ask the following questions and discuss what’s standing in the way of accepting forgiveness from God.

1. Why does forgiveness seem so simple at the conceptual level, but so hard to give and accept on a physical level? What do the Scriptures tell us about the extent of God’s interest and willingness to forgive us?
2. How does shame impact your acceptance of forgiveness? We know that forgiveness is from God, and shame is from Satan. Why are we so willing to live in shame over the sins God has already forgiven?
3. God’s desire is to be close to us, connected to us, and integrated into our lives, but if we are living in the shame of sin, then we are allowing a separation between us and God. Why is self-condemnation so pervasive when access to forgiveness is so close?
4. Our self-imposed separation from Christ can have an impact on ourselves and our parenting. To model for our kids what a relationship with God looks like, we need to be pursuing that relationship ourselves. As parents, we need to surrender and embrace forgiveness before we can invite our kids to receive it also. Wouldn’t you want to give your kids the gift of a lifelong relationship with a loving and forgiving God?

We must believe that we are valuable and important to God. We are His workmanship.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

These are lifelong questions to grapple with. We see a perfect example in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). In this story, we see that the father represents the love of Christ, and the prodigal son represents the sin that exists in all of us. When the son returns to his father, the son asks for forgiveness. The loving father grants him forgiveness and celebrates his return. But the second son is also an important character to our discussion of forgiveness. He is unable to forgive his brother for leaving, or his father for forgiving his brother. In his unwillingness to forgive, the prodigal son’s brother has created a wall of separation between himself and his “heavenly” father.

We desire to be the loving and forgiving father in this illustration to our children, but unless we are willing to dwell in God’s forgiveness, we are unable to truly show our children what forgiveness looks like.

In this week’s return to the Parenting Pathway Podcast, Family Ministries Pastor Dave Carl invites Elementary Ministry Leader Barbara Deatherage to share her struggle to overcome a lifelong battle with legalism and redefine what it means to be a follower of Christ.

Legalism is a big “churchy” word, but it has its roots in both the secular and Christian worlds. Legalism is the obsessive adherence to rules, law, or a perfectionist base code of conduct. When applied to Christianity, legalism can look like a long list of rules, to dos, and a code of a behavior that must be followed to be acceptable to Christ.

But, stepping back, we must first agree that we are designed by God from the beginning of time to pursue a relationship with God—one that is both healing and nurturing. But Satan leads us to believe things about God that are not true. A Christian life based in legalism is another one of the enemy’s deceptions.

“God is drawing us to an intimate relationship with Himself.”

Barbara shares her struggle that started in her childhood as the oldest child in her family. She believed that she had to pursue perfection, work hard, and obey the rules to receive approval and love from her parents, extended family, teachers, and friends. When she became a Christian as a young adult, she quickly took the same approach to faith, creating lists of “behaviors” that would earn her God’s approval.

“The Christian life is not a list; just being with God is the pursuit.”

In this episode, Barbara tells us a story that her heart was first opened to the idea of fellowship with God after the death of her mother. As Barbara was studying the Lord’s Prayer in Luke 11, she noticed how the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray so they could talk to God as Jesus did. They wanted to share that relationship. Listen to the podcast to hear Barbara’s insights and be reminded of our freedom in Christ.

Breaking the Grip of Legalism

Open your heart and mind to the idea of living in a relationship with God based on His grace and mercy for you. Understanding that relationship is the key, begin to open yourself to experience God in new ways.

In today’s podcast episode, Family Ministries Pastor Dave Carl and Associate Pastor of High School Ministries Nathan Kocurek discuss a topic many have wrestled with but usually don’t want to say out loud for fear of being judged harshly. Listen to the episode, and reference the show notes below for takeaways, Scripture references, and more resources.

What Is the Purpose of Christianity?

It is not uncommon to become disillusioned with the pressure to live up to a standard of “Christianity.” The pressure to be good, to be knowledgeable, to meet expectations of spirituality, etc., can be overwhelming. Many of us have questioned to ourselves or others, “Is this all?” After several years of ministering to teenage guys and men, both Dave and Nathan are ready to share insights on the missing component holding most believers back from committing to a Christian walk that is healing, fulfilling, and empowering.

It’s All About Relationship!

The evidence is there that God created us to be in relationship with Him from the very beginning.  He didn’t create humans because He needed something from them. Think of the day when your first child was born—how overwhelmed you were with love and admiration. All you wanted to do was hold and love this new creation. Think of God as a parent on a grander scale. Can you imagine the overwhelming feeling of love God must have each time a new life is created? Can you imagine how He smiled when He created you?

This is the key: God wants intimacy with you! He wants you to want intimacy with Him! He wants a deep, abiding relationship with you!

1. God’s Creation of Humanity: Genesis 1:26-30, 2:5-25
2. Dwell in the House of the Lord: Psalm 27
3. Paul’s reminder of the relationship God desires with us: Romans 8

There Are Obstacles to This Relationship

We have an enemy who is trying to interfere with the relationship with God we are meant to have. The enemy can make life without Christ look so much easier, more fun, and exciting.

You can go through life desiring relationships that are outside of this relationship with God, but without this relationship, your longings will never be met. Ultimately, if you had someone helping you see what an intimate relationship with Christ could look like, you would want to be a godly man or woman. You would know what it looks and feels like and desire it.

1. David is a great example; he is known as a man after God’s own heart: 1 Samuel 13:14, Acts 13:22
2. Jesus answers the question from the Rich Young Ruler: Mark 10:17-27
3. God will rejoice over you: Zephaniah 3:17

God wants us to be set free from the feeling that He does not really want us. That noise we hear in our heads that says, “I could not possibly have any interest to God.”—how powerful would it be to be set free from that fear? God created us to do awesome stuff, but not alone—with Him.

We recommend approaching intimacy with God in community of other believers who are also pursuing God. We would love to walk with you and point you to Him. Reach out and connect with us at parentingpathwayblog@stonebriar.org.

In part two of our Parenting Pathway Podcast series on mentoring, Pastors Dave Carl and Steve Fischer talk about what it looks like to be a mentor and a mentee. We at Stonebriar strongly believe that spiritual growth is best achieved through the guidance and encouragement of fellow believers. The intimacy that develops in a mentor/mentee relationship is the best path to promoting  spiritual development.

Dr. Howard Hendricks, a long-time mentor and friend of Senior Pastor Chuck Swindoll, said that every Christian needs at least three individuals in his or her life: We need someone who has come before us, who mentors us; we need another beside us, who shares our burden; and we need someone beyond us whom we’re mentoring. Otherwise, we grow stagnant.¹

As you think about a mentor for your own life or your children’s lives, it can be intimidating or even scary to discern who to pursue and what to look for. Ultimately, in the lives of our children, we want to wholly trust the person we are allowing to have such an influence on our kids.

What should I look for in a Mentor?

Look for someone who . . .

• Is in daily and close contact with the Holy Spirit.
• Has a mentor themselves.
• Has a love for God and is pursuing Christ in every part of their life.
• Exhibits the vulnerability to share with others what is really inside of them.

What should I expect from a Mentor?

• Coaching Mentors take a tactical approach to life’s challenges. They are great resources when you or your children are reaching for the next developmental milestone or achieving the next goal.
• Counseling Mentors tend to be the people you seek in times of stress or trouble.  They listen with interest and provide support and problem-solving.
• Spiritual Friends walk through faith and life challenges together.  They lift you up in prayer, seek God’s guidance through Scripture, and encourage you to grow spiritually.
• Spiritual Directors help you move toward God. They challenge your base of knowledge and experience with God and help you move forward in your spiritual development.

In all these relationships, there is a constant awareness of God’s presence in the lives of both the mentor and mentee. As you seek to bring mentors into your child’s life, look to the community that is around you in your church and your community group, as well as Christian friends and family members. And be sure to listen to Part 1, The Value of a Mentor To Our Kids, to gain more insight into your next steps.

The more time we spend with kids and their parents, the more we have become convinced that all our kids are desperate for mentors in their lives. The ability for our kids talk to someone they trust and you trust, but is not you, is so important and life-giving to them. You can say something to your kids 1,000 times, but it usually takes someone else saying the same thing for them to hear it.  Here at Parenting Pathway, we always end each podcast episode with the phrase, “Don’t do life and don’t do parenting alone.” The power of someone beside you, pointing your kids to Christ, is overwhelming. This week on our Parenting Pathway Podcast, Family Ministries Pastor Dave Carl and Care Ministries Pastor Steve Fischer discuss the importance of mentorship in our lives and the lives of our children. The Value of a Mentor To Our Kids, Part 1

Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the Word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.

Hebrews 13:7

What is a mentor?

A mentor trains their mentee in intimacy with Christ. A mentor’s role is not to validate their ego and create a clone of themselves, but to help the mentee see themselves as they are in Christ. God has a plan for the mentee’s life, and the mentor’s role is to shepherd the growth of that plan.

It is a common human hunger to desire to have someone in our lives who guides us, points us to Christ, and intentionally leans into our lives. A mentor can be the answer we are looking for.

Eugene Peterson claims there are only two skills necessary to unselfconsciously mentor another:

• Unknowing: Catechesis is not required, and a leisurely pause before mystery is. Instead of pretending to know every answer, the mentor can stop and ask of every situation, “Where is God’s hand at work in this?”
• Uncaring: Sometimes, the mentor must get out of the way and allow the Holy Spirit to do the caring. There are moments when what the Spirit is doing in the other person far exceeds what the mentor can do.

What qualities should we look for in a mentor?

D – Dependence on God: A mentor should show their dependence on God for guidance and direction, and should point their mentee in the the same direction.

I – Intentional: A mentor should be international and purposeful about spending time with their mentee.

V – Vulnerable: A mentor needs to be vulnerable and willing to share their life experiences that have meaning and have led to their personal growth.

I – Introspective: A mentor has to know themselves, in order to share themselves with their mentee in an authentic capacity.

N – Nearness: A mentor needs to be physically present. Life is often most intimately shared over a plate of scrambled eggs, a good burger, or a walk around the lake.

E – Enthusiasm: A mentor needs to be excited about exploring and sharing their life with Christ and with their mentee.

If you don’t know where or how to begin in finding a mentor, the first step is to pray that God will show you someone to walk alongside you and your children. The community that is around you in your church or your community group, as well as Christian friends and family members, are the best places to start. Next, listen to Part 2, The Value of a Mentor To Our Kids, Part 2, next week to gain more insight into the next steps.

Additional Resources:

• Deep Mentoring: Guiding Others on Their Leadership Journey, by Randy D. Reese  (Author), Robert Loane (Author), Eugene Peterson (Foreword)
• Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James and David Thomas
• Raising Worry Free Girls by Sissy Goff

This week on our Parenting Pathway Podcast, Pastors Dave Carl and Nathan Kocurek are stepping into the topic of failure in our kids’ lives. The very nature of children growing is a process of failing and learning from it. Whether they are a toddler learning to walk or a teen learning to drive, each life experience requires the fine tuning of their skills. Failing is a natural part of the learning process, but allowing our kids to fail, and watching them work through the consequences of that failure, is significantly more painful for parents than if we endured the failure ourselves. And there is this issue to consider as parents: Are we preventing our kids’ failure for their good or to spare ourselves from the pain of watching them flounder?

What do we want most for our kids?

The place we need to start is by defining success. What are we hoping for our kids? How are they designed by God, and what natural talents do they have? If you can answer these questions, then you can put success, failure, and learning from life experiences in perspective. We want our kids to feel the freedom to fail. This freedom creates a willingness to try new things, experience uncomfortable situations, and rise to new challenges.

Why is failure important?

In Romans, Paul talks about how life’s challenges can produce suffering, endurance, character, and hope, and that all four are connected. Enduring despite failure is key in developing strong character.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

In this podcast episode, Dave and Nathan unpack why parents are resistant to allowing our kids to fail, why failure is important in kids’ lives, and how to help our kids boldly pursue opportunities and success.

“This is when parenting is no fun . . . Learning when to back off, when to push forward, and how to step out of the way when you see the train wreck coming is no fun at all!”

Additional Resources

• Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest, by Edward T. Walsh, New Growth Press, 2007.
• Parenting Pathway – A Father’s Advice for Raising Achievers

As a parent raising boys in today’s America we struggle with helping them find their way to manhood to be the leaders and spiritual influences that God has called him to be.

Dr. Ron Archer—pastor, speaker, and author join Pastors Dave Carl and Nathan Kocurek in this Parenting Pathway Podcast to talk about his new book The Power of One Man: How God Uses Men Like You to Change the World. This conversation looks at how one ordinary man, husband, father, son can change the world. Boldly changing direction and following Christ, he can make a difference in his home, community, and church, just as God has called him to do.

The statistics are staggering, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.3 million children, 1 in 4, live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home.¹ With this in mind,  how will so many boys know what a Godly man looks like? Ron shares his personal stories of growing up in a home with his father in jail and mom raising him alone, and the impact God had in changing the direction of his life and future generations.

The Power of One Man was written to show men how significant they are, how valuable they are, and how important they are to God. One man can make a difference. All it takes is for them to say, ‘Yes, Lord, here I am,’ and miracles are unleashed upon earth.

You can learn more about Ron at his website: ronarcher.org and this book wherever you buy books.

This week on the Parenting Pathway Podcast, Student Ministry Youth Pastor, Nathan Kocurek talks with David Murrow to discuss his new book Drowning in Screen Time.

This podcast brings four suggestions for families to make the transition from drowning in screen time to living life focusing on godly priorities.

In the last year, screens have crept into every area of our lives. Movies, TV, games, streaming services, and even digital books have kept us entertained and in our homes. We are working from home and spend entire days on video calls and the computer. Our kids attend class over a computer screen. Then, we wrap up a typical day by binge-watching something on Netflix.

At first, this seemed like the best solution, but now as we start to expand life outside our pandemic bubble, the pull to stay tethered to our screens seems unbreakable. Are you or members of your family finding it hard to step into face-to-face relationships?

About David Murrow

David Murrow has worked in the media and news industry his entire career. As an insider in the screen-addiction business, David set out on a journey to understand why we get addicted to screens so quickly and how to achieve a healthy screen balance so we don’t get sucked in for hours on end. In his book, David provides adults, teens, and parents with tips on stepping away from screens, living a more joy-filled life, and helping others discover the freedom of living in the present.

David says, “I write…as a man who almost drowned in screen time. I didn’t realize I was in over my head, neglecting the important things, and hurting the people I love…I was slowly losing touch with the real world. My body was home, but my mind was in cyberspace. I didn’t notice my absence, but my wife and kids did.”

Resources

You can purchase David’s book, Drowning in Screen Time on amazon.com, wherever you buy books, or on David’s website DavidMurrow.com

If you would like to learn more about Raising Digital Natives we encourage you to listen to our Parenting Pathway, Straight Talk, Raising Digital Natives.

You can also download out free Family Media Kit full of great suggestions, resources including sample contracts, as well some encouragement, Family Media Kit.