parenting plus

Girls more likely than boys to have risky first sex

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:25:00 +0000

A recent study has revealed that teen girls are less likely to use condoms during their first sexual encounter than teen boys. To read the article, click here. When this article was first presented to me, I replied with, "Yes, of course. I figured that." I was asked why I thought that, which led into a much deeper conversation about teens, sex, relationships, power, and choice.

For me, this one is a no-brainer. When you have talked with teen girls who have had sex, many of them will describe it as "It just happened." "I didn't plan it." "I didn't know that was going to happen." What does that tell you? THE GIRLS WERE NEVER ASKED IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE SEX. So, let's take this discussion one step further. If you are never ASKED if you want to have sex, then what will you never ask the other person to use? a CONDOM. Now you know why this study was not surprising to me at all.

You see, females often do not feel like they have a voice in a relationship. Yes, they have a "voice" as in they talk. But they often do not feel like they have any "power." Especially if the young woman is in a relationship with an older boy, then she really doesn't feel like she has power. As a result, if you have no power in a relationship - then you won't feel justified in demanding or insisting someone use a condom to protect you. This, my friends, is the problem. This is why we currently have job security! And, this is why we call them "Empowerment Groups." So, the work goes on.

Any thoughts? Am I off base or on track? I am curious to hear what others think too. And please - let's teach them ALL to use protection when they decide to have sex, for themselves and their partners.

10 year old gives birth in Spain

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 20:08:00 +0000

Did you hear? A 10 year old girl has given birth in Spain this week (don't believe me? Google it!). And her mother is thrilled. Apparently, the girl is from Romania and is part of a group of gypsies who marry very young, before they are legally allowed to marry. So this 10 year old had "married" a 13 year old boy and became pregnant. Now, they are going to be parents, and the mother is thrilled and said they are all doing well. Thrilled, hmm? Interesting....

I just wonder how a 10 year old even begins to conceive of being a mother. Think back to your own 10 year old self. I think I had trouble even remembering to brush my teeth consistently when I was 10 years old. The thought of me being responsible for another human being at that age is SCARY. Responsibility did not equal me back then; ask my parents. I also just wonder what the heck the poor girl thought about sex at that age. I mean really, wouldn't she have been scared to death? I go to an elementary school and talk about puberty with their 4th graders. I remember a 4th grade girl tentatively raising her hand, after I had shown the video and described menstrual cycles and reproduction, and asking, "Just because my body is ready to do all of that, does that mean I have to start doing it?" NOOOO!!! I think was my response. And, "As a matter of fact, I recommend that none of you do this for a very long time, because you won't be ready for awhile." But hey, with this group of people, they'd be ready next week! Again, SCARY.

I am all about cultural diversity and understanding others who are different from you. But really, 10 years old for a child to be giving birth - and to be married? Just because bodies are ready to do all of that doesn't mean minds, and hearts, and heads, and souls are ready. We don't live in the cave man days anymore; we aren't on the verge of extinction. We will have plenty of people to populate the earth. And if we have 10 year olds having babies, then we will OVER-populate the earth in no time. Why the rush? I understand why our bodies had to be ready to reproduce early, but the same urgency is not there now. So come on Romanian gypsies, can we PLEASE slow down? There are so many other things 10 year olds could be doing. And being a mom doesn't even make the top 100.

16 year olds aren't supposed to die

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:53:00 +0000

16 year olds aren't supposed to die. That's what I've been saying all week and what I've been hearing from the students at Mapleton High School. They lost one of their peers last Friday night, a young man who died in a single-car accident not far from his home. There has been plenty of speculation about what happened and how it all occurred. But as I have said to the students throughout this past week, it really doesn't matter how it happened. The end result is the same: this young man died, and many have lost someone who was significant to them. You can change the story that leads up to the crash, but the end result of the crash is always the same: Brian is dead. That is the part of the story that is hardest to swallow.

When someone so young dies, it causes everyone around them to be confronted with a reality that never seemed possible. To 16 year olds, nobody young ever dies. Old people die, animals die, even parents die - but 16 year olds don't die. This reality shatters the illusion they have been able to uphold for such a long time. It can be earth-shattering and life changing. It can turn your world, and your worldview, upside down. For these kids who have recently been confronted with this, that is definitely what has happened, and now they are left trying to reconcile this disruption in their lives and their world.

As adults, we need to support teenagers when a situation such as this happens. We need to reassure them that 16 year olds don't normally die. However, we also need to have a frank discussion about the risks teens take that can lead to outcomes like this. They need to know what puts THEM at risk, and what they can do to take control of their lives. Not in a preachy, Thou-Shalt-Not kind of way. In a "Hey - I really care about you and I don't want this to happen to you too, so let's talk about what you can do to avoid this outcome" kind of way. It's important to have these conversations and to make a point to talk with teens about death, about risks, and about grief. Because they are all a part of life, and life is sometimes hard. Let's help them figure out how to cope with these difficulties now so they can deal with them and learn good coping skills for the future. More than anything, we just need to be there: to listen to them, to hug them, to commiserate with them. Teens need to know we're here for them, and that we'll be here for them in the future. They just need to know they're not alone, especially at a time when they will feel most isolated. And they need to be reminded - 16 year olds don't normally die. So let's figure out how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Rest in peace, Brian; you will be missed.

Teen Pregnancy Rates

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 19:21:00 +0000

Well, the data are in for 2008. To view how many teens gave birth in 2008 in each state, click here.

When looking at Ohio, I guess it's a good thing we are not statistically different than the national average. However, looking at each state's data and the information overall, the trends are disturbing. What shocked me as I looked at the data is how many non-Hispanic black teens and Hispanic teens are giving birth as teens. The rates are more than DOUBLE the rates of non-Hispanic white teens. That, to me, is shocking. So what does that mean? How do we interpret that? How can we impact these statistics? I don't know if I have the answers, but I at least think we need to be asking the questions. To me, so many issues come to mind: you have teens who a good majority are probably living in poverty, then giving birth as teens and thus re-creating the pattern and bringing the next generation into poverty. How do we stop this trend? I don't know. But I do know we need to figure it out. The cycle of poverty is discouraging and debilitating, and we need to do whatever we can to eliminate it. I just don't know if this society has the courage, the REAL courage, to confront it.

In Ashland County, our numbers are up some this year. I don't know what to make of that either, except that many of the teens giving birth this year are not ones that are known to Ashand Parenting Plus. That tells me we still have work to do because there are youth we aren't reaching. In our groups, the numbers are good; our rate is about 1% which is amazing considering 30% of teen girls are expected to experience a pregnancy by the age of 20. And remember, we serve many youth who are considered to be at highest risk for pregnancy! So, we are doing well. However, this study, and our numbers for births throughout the county in 2010 so far, show me we still have more to do. Job security, I guess, but I would still like to go be a greeter at Wal-Mart some day and work myself out of a job. There would be nothing more satisfying than the world not needing our services anymore!

On that note, don't forget to attend our Celebration Open House tomorrow, October 21 from 4-5pm at our building, 1763 St. Rt. 60 (by the career center, in the old Heartland Home). We are celebrating 25 years of service to Ashland County! Come by & grab a piece of cake. Help us celebrate the fact that we're still here! We'll be here as longer as we're needed.

Bullying

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:54:00 +0000

http://http//today.msnbc.msn.com/id/39620074/ns/today-today_people

Have you heard about the four students who suicided as a result of bullying in Mentor, OH? If not, click on the link above for information regarding the incidents and links to other related articles. News of this hit last week, and it has continued to dominate websites since then. I was listening to a Cleveland radio station the other morning, and they were discussing this story since Mentor is not far from Cleveland.

One caller who called in, a teen girl who attends the school, said it's not true - bullying is not occurring. She flat out denied anything of the sort going on. My question is: what planet is she on? Seriously - where is she living? I might not be a teen, but I am in a local high school/middle school every week, and I can GUARANTEE bullying is going on. Our group facilitators are in every middle school and high school in Ashland County, and I guarantee you: bullying is happening on a daily basis. Ashland maybe a small community, but I highly doubt it's that different from Mentor High School. I also highly doubt Mentor is "immune" from the bullying issue. So instead of debating whether or not bullying is "really" happening, let's assmue it is and stop debating THAT - and start figuring out what to do to change it.

In a related story, I attended a girls' high school soccer game last night between two Ashland County teams. There was quite a bit of pushing and shoving going on, significantly from one of the teams but the other team was not innocent. As the game progressed, it became more and more aggressive. Now I was sitting in the stands with the more aggressive team's fans, and I could hear the students cheering the girls on to be more aggressive and push the other team around. I expect some of that; they're teens and don't always know better. However, I started to pay more attention to the parents who I could hear laughing and joking when one of the other team's players went down - from a foul committed by their team. The biggest shock came late in the game, when one of the team's players received a yellow card for obviously and maliciously attacking the other team's player from behind. Having played soccer, I know this is the type of attack that can break someone's leg. The students cheered, and the parents laughed. One parent even said, "I'm so proud. It's not even my daughter, but I'm proud of her." In disgust, I got up and left the stands.

Now I ask - is it any wonder we have girls getting into fights more frequently than even the boys at this point? Is it any wonder bullying is such a significant issue? If we have parents encouraging and PRAISING their teens for essentially sucker-punching girls on a soccer field, then why would they not beat the crap out of someone for making a smart remark? Indeed, they might even get a "I'm proud of you" from their parents when they get home.

We all need a wake-up call. Parents, be accountable to and for your kids. And kids, be accountable for standing up when someone treats someone else badly. If you don't do it, then who will? But if you DO stand up for someone, think of who else might do it for someone else, and just think about where that might lead. No one else should die just because someone wants a good laugh that day. Stick up for someone & someone might stick up for you.

Glamorizing or Reality-Based?

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 20:01:00 +0000

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy recently posted a picture of the cover of People magazine on its blog, prompting a discussion as to whether having the girls from the MTV show "Teen Mom" on the cover of magazines is glamorizing teen pregnancy (to see the blog, go to http://blog.thenationalcampaign.org/pregnant_pause/2010/09/teen-mom-cover-girls.php). I have read the article, and I have certainly seen the show. I don't think the show really glamorizes teen pregnancy, but I do agree that even these girls aren't fully exposing the "reality" of life simply because they receive payment for doing the show - something none of the teens I work with receive. This increased income sets them apart from their other peers. However, their relationship dramas, parenting issues, and family squabbles certainly do reflect the same kinds of things their peers face. I think the harsh reality of those issues, even on MTV, can be a good thing for other teens to see. If nothing else, it should be a place to start a discussion with teens about all of these issues, and from there you can debate some of the larger issues. Even having a conversation is important; it doesn't matter how it starts, simply that it starts. For that reason alone, I am grateful to these "Teen Mom" cover girls.

US Teen Birth Rate Declines

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:28:00 +0000

A new article from the Washington Post highlights the teen birth rate has decreased 2% since it increased 3% in 2006. Confusing as it sounds, the good news is that the teen pregnancy rate is no longer INCREASING, which was a huge, growing concern (no pun intended!). To read the full article, click here.

So what does this mean? For us in Ashland County, it doesn't mean much because our rate has continued to go down since 2006, after a brief but significant spike. We already knew our rate was decreasing (to our lowest rate ever of 36 births to teens in 2009), but it is nice to see the rate start decreasing across the country again. With all of the attention teen pregnancy has seen lately, through shows like MTV's 16 and Pregnant, The Pregnancy Pact on Lifetime, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and MTV's Teen Mom, I was beginning to wonder if the media was in fact perpetuating this increase without even realizing it! Luckily, I think we see this is not the case - but it does beg the question: is there ever a danger with too much information, with too much exposure? Does presenting all of this content make it somehow more acceptable and therefore condone it? I don't know. What I do know is giving ACCURATE and REALISTIC information is the best way to get a message across. Obviously, The Pregnancy Pact was an drama exaggerated from a real-life situation. Even though the movie bore little resemblance to the actual story, it still portrayed itself as being close to the "truth". At least with MTV's programs, they are able to show bits and pieces of the real-life stories of these girls: the ups, the downs, and the heartbreaks and disappointments.

Ah, more to come another day on the new season of 16 and Pregnant. Until then, read the Washington Post article and surmise your own thoughts as to why: 1. the teen pregnancy rate went up; and 2. why it has now come back down. Here's to an even lower rate for 2010!

hooked: the science behind sex

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 16:18:00 +0000

an interesting interview from abc news with Dr. Joe McIlhaney. He discusses the neuro-chemical processes involved in adolescent sex and what parents can do to encourage their kids to be healthy. Dr. McIlhaney is the author of Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children more info here.

AAMFT Members Newsletter - 02/25/2010

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:56:00 +0000

AAMFT Members Newsletter - 02/25/2010

John Mayer Interview

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:52:00 +0000

So most people have probably heard about John Mayer's interview with Playboy and his views or relationships, pornography, and racial issues. In previous post, one of my colleagues who is a staff member at the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy provided some great insights into the article and John Mayer's comments on a Washington, D.C. talk show. Check it out and see what you think about it and how this relates to teens' views of Playboy, pornography, sex, and relationships. Click on "AAMFT Members Newsletter" above.

Back in action!

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:08:00 +0000

Well, after a long hiatus, I have decided it is time to attempt this again. Maybe it was watching the movie "Julie and Julia" that inspired me, maybe it was my passion for helping teens make better choices in their lives. Hard telling - but I am back to sharing my thoughts on the world of teens, sex, drugs, rock-n-roll, and all that good stuff. We'll see where we end up!

One of the things that has inspired and impassioned me has been the Lifetime movie "The Pregnancy Pact." I had been fascinated about this story when it first appeared in the news, and we had several discussions about it at work. It had faded into the background until I found a website, www.gloucester18.com. I was again fascinated, except this time it was the REAL story from the girls at the school who had become pregnant. They did a documentary on this story and have put together what looks like a great movie in the voice of the girls. Unfortunately, they need to find a distributor and have not found one yet. The film is being screened in Massachusetts soon (wish I lived closer!) and they will continue to try to find someone to distribute the movie. I so appreciated finding this website before seeing the Lifetime movie, because it showed how sensationalized the movie was. If you go to the Gloucester 18 website, there is a great blog that describes the differences between the Lifetime movie and the true documentary. It is a good lesson in remembering TV is mostly fiction, even if it is "ripped from the headlines."

Check it out and tell me what you think. And let me know what issues or topics you think we should cover. I realize I might be blogging to no one right now and maybe for awhile, but let's get this party started and get the discussion going. Talking about sex is one way to help reduce teen pregnancy - so let's start talking!

VMA spur 'promise ring' debate

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:11:00 +0000

Video Music Awards spur ‘promise ring’ debate
After VMA host derided Jonas Brothers, Jordin Sparks defended purity vow

By Mike Celizic

TODAYShow.com contributor

updated 11:27 a.m. ET, Tues., Sept. 9, 2008

A British comic’s jokes at the Video Music Awards about the Jonas Brothers and their “purity rings” have been decried as tasteless in most quarters — but they have also renewed the debate over what direction high school sex education should take. more

Sex-Obsessed Culture Can Damage Young Brains

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:55:00 +0000

By Pete Winn
CNSNews.com Senior Staff Writer
November 13, 2007

(CNSNews.com) - Critics have long debated the effect on society of overtly sexualized images from television, movies and music. But one medical educator and physician has reached a conclusion: He thinks that because of what we have learned scientifically about the brain and the biochemistry behind sexuality, our sex-obsessed culture may be "warping" the minds of young people. (more)

teens, romance and contraception

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:02:00 +0000

from childtrends...

Teens, Romance, and Contraception? The Quality of Teen Relationships Influences Decisions About Contraception

New research from Child Trends indicates that teens in strong, positive romantic relationships are more likely to use contraception. The study finds:

Teens who identify their relationships as "romantic" and who spend more time with their partners in dating activities are more likely to use contraceptives.

Female teens who discuss contraception with their partners before sex are twice as likely to practice safe sex.

Female teens whose partners are similar to themselves, particularly in age, are more likely to use contraception.

Teens continue habits from previous relationships. Those who used contraception consistently in an earlier relationship (either on their own initiative or from a partner) are more likely to also do so in a current relationship, indicating that teens may learn from their experiences across relationships.

A new fact sheet summarizes the findings of the study, which was published in the journal Demography and analyzes survey data from high school students to identify contraceptive use patterns. PRESS RELEASE

immature brains -at risk behavior

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:35:00 +0000

My Brain Made Me Do It: Immature Brains Linked to Teen Risk-Taking Behavior
The teenage brain, Laurence Steinberg says, is like a car with a good accelerator but a weak brake. With powerful impulses under poor control, the likely result is a crash. And, perhaps, a crime. more

some christmas fun...

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:05:00 +0000

a local church offered to bless some of the kids that we serve just because they could. lots of fun. in between some great pizza, some cool presents our young friends mixed it up with some fun games...like decorate a christmas tree, saucer slide and and santa's beard. yep...worth the watch.

Divorce and children

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:03:00 +0000

Divorce doesn't have to destroy the kids Experts say high-profile messy divorces may actually be contributing something positive. By showing what not to do, they're raising awareness that more can be done to protect the kids.

Click here to read the article.

new contraceptive

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:47:00 +0000

go here to learn more...

Bratty or behavior disorder? Help for parents

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 16:17:00 +0000

Researchers offer clues on where ‘terrible twos’ end and real trouble begins...go here to learn more...

Birth Control in MIddle Schools

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 19:18:00 +0000

Here is an interesting article I found on birth control being offered in a middle school in Maine, possibly without a parent's consent. It is an interesting debate that will likely increase, but the issue of middle school children engaging in sexual activity is something we all should be talking about -- because it is happening more than anyone would like to know and more than the kids will admit. Not all risky sexual activity involves just intercourse, so this only deals with one aspect of the issue. I hope this will encourage parents to talk to their kids about sex so they learn to set and keep their own limits. To read the article, click here.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 17:47:00 +0000

An interesting article came to me about teen girls and the increase in suicidality in this particular age group over the past several years. This is a huge issue and concern, one that probably has several factors resulting in the increase. Nevertheless, it is important as parents, adults, and friends of teen girls to watch for the signs and intervene when we see they are struggling. To read the article, click here . For more info on red flags to watch for regarding suicide, go here or contact your local mental health board.

The State of the U.S. Family

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 17:26:00 +0000

Check out the newsletter by Abstinence Till Marriage (ATM) -click here. There is an interesting article about "Families Endangered?" and the state of the family in the United States. It brings up some interesting thoughts and issues about how children do when living in different types of family environments. As I tell children with whom I work, you are not statistics -- you decide for yourself how you will live your life. Statistics simply let you know what your risks are based on where you come from and the choices you make.

think before you post!

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 15:42:00 +0000

pot, the teen brain & free newsletter

noreply@blogger.com (samwise) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 00:49:00 +0000

This article showed up earlier this week. It is well worth the time...and that reminds me to suggest you sign up for their bi-weekly email.

Pot and the Teen Brain

Today’s teens are smoking a more potent form of marijuana and starting to use at increasingly younger ages – during crucial brain development years.¹ There is plenty of evidence indicating the ways pot impedes, even changes, the mental health of adolescents. In fact, changes in the brain due to marijuana use are similar to those caused by cocaine, heroin and alcohol.² The overall impact that marijuana has on the brain can have long-term consequences.

This is where YOU come in. The first step in being able to discuss the dangers of marijuana with your teen is knowing the facts. To better understand how marijuana affects the different regions of the brain, read on!

Find out how marijuana affects a developing teen brain. Take virtual tour>>

Sign Up for TheAntiDrug.com Parenting Tips Newsletter

Enter your e-mail address below to register to receive biweekly e-mail notifications with parenting tips and strategies to help keep your teenager healthy and drug-free. Remember, when it comes to keeping kids drug-free, YOU MATTER.

Subscribe by entering your e-mail address here. We do not sell, share or rent any personally identifying information about you.(Privacy Policy)

Beautiful Disaster

noreply@blogger.com (Erin) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:19:00 +0000

You can watch the video for this song by going here.

This was a song that was played for me recently, and it really hits on some of the struggles young girls are having right now, especially during teenage years. The song struck a chord with me, and hopefully it will you too. Below are the lyrics so you can hear the song for yourself:

She loves her mama's lemonade, Hates the sounds that goodbyes make. She prays one day she'll find someone to need her. She swears that there's no difference, Between the lies and complements. It's all the same if everybody leaves her. And every magazine tells her she's not good enough, The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her. Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, And she needs someone to take her home.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant, Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long, Assuming that she'll get it wrong. Perfect only in her imperfection. She's not a drama queen, She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired.

She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, But she just needs someone to take her home.

Cuz she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's ok. And she would change everything, everything just ask her. Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, And she would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster, But she just needs someone to take her home And just needs someone to take her home.