How Fatherhood Contributes To Fitness And Healthy Living

by Jason Murphy

When speaking about fitness and healthy living, most men usually think of the stereotyped image of a guy eating a balanced diet, going to the gym regularly, and engaging into sports activities. All right, if you want to be different, you’ll probably choose yoga, ballroom dancing, carpentry, or even pottery as your means to exercise, relieve stress, and fight boredom. But you’ll probably do a lot of sneaking when you want to do some unique stuff. Yet the truth is that male health is not only limited to diet or doing exercises or sports. For, there are other aspects of a man’s life that directly or indirectly influence his health. No wonder, fitness and healthy living is a must for every man.

If you’re a father, you may be wondering how that role affects your over all fitness and healthy living. Of course, expecting and having your first-born child is a mixture of excitement, happiness, and worry. Yet as the number of your kids increase and you start to face the tough challenges of parenting, you’ll probably give a more serious thought on your role as a dad. You’ll have to quickly master multitasking as you change diapers, feed your kids, watch them as they run around the house, or reprimand them when they get excessively naughty. Is fatherhood doing good or bad things to men’s health?

Generally, fatherhood creates positive changes to the entire male health. This is true compared to men who aren’t married or who don’t have kids yet. Of course, this does not mean that single men aren’t as equally healthy as married men. However, being a father gives you a certain edge in terms of fitness and healthy living. In fact, fathers who spend quality time with their kids are more likely to experience greater happiness and fulfillment. The responsibility of being a father always changes the lifestyle of men. They no longer work nor live for their wife, but for their entire family. In this case, they may start to drop unhealthy practices such as smoking and drinking in order to set a good example for their kids. Moreover, their desire to watch and be with their children as they grow will inspire them to maintain their health and live longer. Hence, they’ll find more reasons to eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, drive carefully, and visit their physician regularly. Of course, the joy of men is even doubled or tripled when they start to have grandchildren. Things keep on getting better as their family grows. It goes without saying that fitness and healthy living is still maintained when a man becomes a father.

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Some kids and adults need clear information about the strengths and talents you know they have. This is especially true for children and many adults who have Asperger Syndrome, Autism, or ADHD. They may need to get their knowledge about where they shine, in a more direct way than you have been communicating so far. This knowledge is the nourishment of a healthy self-image.

Here are ten  strategies to help your challenging loved ones to believe in themselves:

1. Give them a mental picture so they can ’see’ what you mean. Instead of  “That is a great story!” try something like: “The characters in your story seem like real people.”

2. Be sincere and specific. ‘Very good!’ is very good to say but when you can, compliment the action. “You are a whiz at finishing puzzles.” “You really know how to swing a bat.”

3. Compliment ‘in the moment’. Don’t wait. Tell her now so she makes the connection between a positive behavior and the good feeling of praise.

4. Be on the watch for unrecognized strengths. You may be overlooking some subtle but nonetheless strong qualities in your child.  Think creatively and you will find them! If your teen avoids friends who do drugs, alcohol or smoke, he has good judgment. If she plays chess, she has good analytic skills, if he connects easily with people he is a good conversationalist. If she is involved in sports, she is a ‘team player.’ You can use these qualities as springboards to build more.

5. Help your child keep his weaknesses and ‘failures’ in perspective. Point out real life situations to illustrate that  “everyone makes mistakes” and “everyone is learning all the time”. Find stories about famous people who worked around their limitations to become famous inventors, artists and authors.

6. Teach your child how to self-advocate. Use her daily challenges to explore behavior choices she can make – positive and negative. Show her what she can do to be in charge of her life, appropriate to her age and developmental stage.

7. Be trustworthy all the time. Trust in reliable adults is key to learning to trust yourself. Promise only what you can follow through on. If you must break your word, tell your child what is going on and discuss other options to replace what you had previously committed to.

8. Keep them going, when they are discouraged, with “You can do it!” messages. You know when your child can do better and what it takes to get there. Be the wind beneath her wings.

9. ‘Shine the light’ on those talents. Plan activities and social events that give your child appropriate opportunities to share what is important to her. If your child has a special need, look for just the right place for her to be in the limelight. A child with Asperger Syndrome may need to be in the company of people who have great interest in her special area of knowledge.

As you practice these tips, enjoy watching your children’s self-pride.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and  treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don’t fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/
You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

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Critical thinking is one of the most important skills you can teach your children. The ability to apply our moral and ethical principles to a given situation is critically important. Making difficult decisions in complex situations is not always intuitive and needs to be taught. If you spend time training your children to do this while they are young, it will serve them well as they grow up and eventually move out of the home to make a life for themselves.

Specifically, it is important that kids develop the ability to:

1. Properly assess a situation.

2. Evaluate options with pros and cons.

3. Determine a proper course of action by applying their principles and value system.

4. Put their decision into action.

Some things you can do to help your children develop their decision-making skills include:

1. Talk to your children about the decisions you face. Talking openly with your kids about how you make big decisions is great teaching. Examples would include whether to make a career change, a big purchase, a move for the family, etc. Be sure to explain how you are assessing the situation, gathering necessary information, evaluating the options, applying your beliefs and values, then making a decision.

2. Don’t have all the answers. When your kids have a question about what they should do, coach them through the process, but don’t make the decision for them. This can be very difficult for some kids. Resist the urge to tell them what you recommend. Reassure them that you will not let them make a decision that will seriously hurt them or the family, but give them to latitude to experience the consequences of their decision-making.

3. Discuss Hypotheticals. Take time to discuss ‘what ifs’. Occasionally introduce hypothetical situations that present moral or ethical dilemmas and have your children discuss and debate what the right decision and course of action would be. Ask questions to insure they have thought through all aspects of the situation. In the end, give your opinion and how you arrived at it for them to learn from.

4. Review big decisions after the fact. When big decisions are made, review them with your children several weeks or months after the fact to discuss whether the outcome was as you expected at the time the decision was made. If it ended differently than expected, rather than lamenting the decision or discussing regrets, focus on what could have been done differently at the time the decision was made, paying special attention to whether the decision was truly reflective of your principles and values.

Teaching your kids to develop critical thinking skills can be frustrating for them. Most kids would prefer to delegate both the decision and the consequences to their parents. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids work through tough decisions with potentially serious consequences while living at home, before they are on their own.

For more parenting advice on raising babies through teens check out: www.parentingskills21stcentury.com

George Stillwell is the father of five children ages 2 through 16. He is also a senior executive at one of the top consumer products companies in the world. He writes on subjects that range from effective parenting to employment/career development. His popular web sites include: http://www.parentingskills21stcentury.com and http://www.youaremarketable.com

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One of the more unusual sides to being human is how we develop philosophies and place value on belief systems above all else.  If we are shown values as children, we attach ourselves to them early in life and carry them along, as a foundation for thinking, without question for a very long time.

Initially, these beliefs are supposed to be passed along to children from parents, relatives, peers, teachers, clergy and books.  Beliefs can be as simple as respect or as extreme as believing that you are part of a superior race or religion.  They also can be purely cultural.

If you grew up in Japan you learned that eating raw fish was normal, you bowed to greet people, and you always took off your shoes when you entered a home, and honor was revered above all else.

In England, you drank tea every afternoon and learned that the Royals were to be admired, even loved with a soap opera passion.  If you were born into a Hindu family, you learned to worship many gods, each performing a different function, worshiping is a daily practice.

If your family was Buddhist, you learned to meditate and give thanks to Buddha for life’s blessings.

And not surprisingly, the cannibals of New Guinea still believe in eating their enemies.  I guess that’s one way to get rid of them.

No matter where you travel in this wonderful world of ours you find customs and beliefs that are generally based on very old traditions.  Our elders, through teachings of revered leaders, statesmen, religious icons or educated professors have handed down these traditions.

Some of these beliefs change over time to fit the new, better and more humane ways of living.  Others are adhered to like glue, never to be challenged without the threat of major reprisal.  Some of philosophies are accepted by modern countries and followed without hesitation.  Other civilizations take a different view and employ ideologies that are totally the opposite.

Many of us would agree that most change is for the better and as man evolves he implements a better way of life for all.

Mankind seems to have a way of repeating the ugliness of history in large ways and evolving for the better in small ways.  We get complacent and grow apathetic with time, naively thinking that the evils that were once conquered will never reappear. Then, we ignore the signs of them coming around again.  Only when incidents that shock us and violate beliefs we have fought hard for do we regain our fervor to hold onto what we have accomplished.

Each generation has to learn it’s own lessons, at least here in America that seems to be the case.  Unfortunately, we have stopped passing our beliefs down to our young.  We have turned the job over to teachers, school counselors, day-care centers and experts of this and that.  But how do we get back what we have already advocated to others?

If we truly feel we can help the next generation avoid the pitfalls the world has already endured, then we have to stop passing the buck.

Americans have the opportunity to show the world how, as a violent society, we can change our ways.  We are looked at through the eyes of the rest of the world as a leader that can’t clean up it’s own back yard, and they are right.  We don’t seem to have the guts to look at our own mess and say here’s what we have to do.  We have been here before and we have solved our problems and we know what to do.

The generations of American during the first half of the twentieth century faced problems far worse than we are currently presented with.  Through togetherness, a common language, goals, and hard work they pulled themselves out of the Depression and major wars to make America the recognized super economic power that it is today.

Can’t we learn how to take those well honed beliefs and build on them?  Share our history with your children, so they can see what our forefathers and grandfathers accomplished.

As a people, only how we govern our own day-to-day lives and teach our children the valued ways of life will take responsibility, respect and love into the next century.

Yes, I said responsibility, love and respect.  They are very basic ideals, but maybe we need to return to some of the basics and regroup before we forge on.  I’m not saying that we need to find our way back to Mayberry, but by the same token, those times seem tragically distant and they shouldn’t.

Life was never as simple and easy as was portrayed by early television, but we all look to some of the values of those times as endearing and worthwhile.

Our beliefs will continue to evolve and improve only if we work on them openly and honestly.  Constant re-examination of that evolutionary process and its direction shouldn’t be that difficult for the advanced civilization we profess to be.

Be old-fashioned, actually talk with your children, tell them how values work, and why they are important.  Instill in them the beliefs systems that have worked, that give us courage, that make us strong, before you send them into the world to take on the challenges that we leave for them.

It isn’t a difficult task, just one that takes a little time and effort.  You’ll be surprised at how good you feel sharing what you believe in.

In the end, it’s just one man’s opinion…mine.

Keith E. Renninson is a motivational speaker and co-author of the popular parenting tool and illustrated storybook “Zooch the Pooch, My Best Friend”.  Through the 1990’s with much self-examination, academic study, bicycle racing, and mountain climbing, he discovered a renewed zest of life, which included a love of metaphysics, philosophy, humor, and writing and speaking.  As Keith says, “Some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue…it’s all in what you make of it.” You can read more about “Zooch the Pooch” or contact Keith to speak at: http://www.zoochthepooch.com
Keith and his co-author Michael Conrad Kelley speak to teens and adults on “The Seven Simple Steps to a More Fulfilling Life.”  This course focuses on how to build a successful Life Philosophy that works for each individual.

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Let me start by asking what is strong foundation in a child? It is self confidence, a positive attitude which will propel the child to greater achievements in life. Although humans have unlimited potential to attain greater heights, all of us put a limit to our potential by self-assessment – by deciding and fixing our worth in our subconscious mind. We develop our own opinion about ourselves in our childhood. At this stage we set a limit to what or how much we deserve and most of us honor this self-imposed limitation throughout our lives.

During childhood parents look after the child when child is fixing her world-view in her subconscious. The parents have strong influence on this process. Therefore they are in the right position to shape the child’s attitude towards her life. How can parents ensure that they are providing proper direction to the child?

First of all, it is important to recognize that the input given to the child does not matter to her as much as the input she receives and registers in her mind. There is a difference between what is given to the child and what she receives.

The parenting skill is the ability to see from the child’s perspective. It is recognizing what input is registering with the child. Once this skill is in place the parents can ensure that the child receives, accepts and registers the right emotional input.

There is hardly any doubt that parents love their child. But is the child getting this message? The child should constantly get the message that she is loved unconditionally, not as a reward for something. She needs to be assured that she will be loved and cared for no matter what she does. She needs to feel that she is an important member of the family.

The child then ingrains the belief in her subconscious that she is an important member of the society. She will radiate a feeling of warmth towards others and will create situations where others reciprocate to her with similar feelings. Her acceptance in the society will be natural, beyond any doubt.

Another crucial input the child should get is that the parents will be available when she expects and wants them. The child does not require the company of the parents all the time. But whenever she does, the parents should not only be physically present but should be willing to give her full attention. When Papa has to go to the office, the child should be informed and she will understand that Papa will be unavailable till the evening. In case mother has to go out, she should inform the child. If the child expects to find her mother and cannot see her, she feels insecure. When this happens too often the sense of insecurity becomes prominent which will have negative impact on her life.

There is another reason why parents must give proper response to the child when she approaches them. Parents will certainly want their child to develop the ability to get favorable response from the people. By responding favorably to the child’s needs, as perceived by her, the parents create this ability in the child. She develops the skill to behave and create situations whereby others will be inclined to give her a favorable response.

Great achievers take initiative and responsibility for their actions. Parents can help in cultivating these qualities in the child. Disciplining the child is ok, but this should not suppress her initiative and creativity. In fact she should be encouraged and rewarded for showing her creative talents. She should be given as much opportunity as possible to express herself in any way she wants. She should get the message that she can, and she is allowed to make things happen. She is not a meek receiver of what is given to her, but a mover who can get what she wants, a go-getter.

The best way to teach human values to the child by setting personal examples. The child learns a lot by observing her parents. As a parent, you should keep in mind that your child is watching you ALL THE TIME, even when she is physically not present. Just be aware of this fact and watch out for examples you are setting for her. It is very good policy to ALWAYS remain truthful to your children.

I have touched upon some qualities the parents would like their child to have when she goes out into the world and how they can help her in achieving those qualities. The role of the parents does not end with being a provider. They have strong influence on her emotional build-up which decides what type of person she is going to be later in life.

Parenting skill requires that the parents understand the child’s perceived needs and her perceived world, and respond suitably to turn her into a person they would like her to be.