In our last Parenting Skills Blog we met Adriana who ignored setting the table. She watched cartoons instead. We saw Justin avoid cleaning his room and run out to play. We heard Alex whine and drag his feet about walking the dog. The dog messed on the floor.

You thought of ways to get these kids to do their chores. Today we'll give you some of our suggestions too.

Remember, as the parent you have discipline choices. Consider the ones below:

3 Discipline Suggestions for Chores:

1. The next time Adriana ignores you and continues watching cartoons, hold your temper. Walk over to her. Stand between her and the TV. Stare into her eyes until she looks in yours. In a firm voice say one word, "Table." Stay in front of the TV until she moves. Don't react to her grumbles.

   When things are going well, ask her, "What are your ideas about solving the table setting problem?"

2. Call Justin to come inside. Say nothing. Use body language. Point to Justin's room. Stand at the doorway and watch him get started. Don't give directions. When he's well underway say, "When you're done, ask me to check it."

   When things are going well ask Justin, "How did you decide to play without cleaning your room? Listen to his answer. Then ask, "What will you do next time?"

3. Alex dragged his feet, instead of taking the dog for his walk. Now the dog's accident is on the floor. Say, "Come here Alex." Just hand him the cleaning materials without any more words. Point to the mess. Don't react to his gripes. Make sure he cleans it well. If he whines and says he doesn't know what to do, say, "I'm sure you can figure out a way." Avoid detailed coaching.

    Next give Alex the leash. Say, "Take Rover for his walk."

You may have other ideas. Please comment below and let me know what you think.

Don't miss our next blog on brothers and sisters who punch each other.

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Do you discipline your kids when they fight their chores? Or do you tell yourself, "It's easier to do it myself." If so, what are you teaching? The more you do your child's chores, the more your child will fight them.

Let's imagine the 3 children below are yours. See how you react to these parenting problems.

How will you discipline?

1. Adriana focused on her TV cartoon with wide eyes and open mouth. You call out, "Set the table, Adriana!" She ignores you. Are you going to set it yourself? Or are you going to make Adriana do it? This happens every night. What will you do?
2. Justin snuck out without cleaning his room. When you saw him outside playing tag, you rushed to his room. You stared at the disaster and felt your heart pound. Angry thoughts swirled in your head. Will you clean it for him? Or will you do something else? If so, what will you do?
3. Alex hates to walk the dog, "Do I have to?" he whines. He drags his feet. He takes too much time. Your dog has an accident. Should you have walked him? How will you handle this situation?

These common problems happen in many homes. Please comment below with your suggestions.

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How do you discipline your kids when they break things? First, decide whether it's a rare accident or a pattern that stems from disobedience rooted in impulsiveness or not caring.

If it's a rare accident, the consequences you deliver may be simple and straightforward, "Get the broom and clean up the mess."

If it's a disobedience pattern, then you need to be on the lookout for blaming ("The teapot was too close to the edge of the table.") or not caring ("What's the big deal? That's an ugly old teapot.")

How will you discipline?

1. Taylor teased the family cat. It backed up as its tail flicked back and forth. You called out, "Taylor quit teasing the cat." Taylor didn't. Within seconds the cat's tail flicked your crystal vase to the floor. It shattered on the tile. "It's not my fault!" said Taylor. "The cat did it." What would you do?
2. You've told Christopher, "Don't throw balls in the house." Today he tossed a hard ball to his little brother. It broke your expensive dining room mirror. When you moaned, "Christopher," he answered, "What's the big deal? You can buy another one." What would you do?
3. Katie was helping you put food on the dinner table. The pewter salad bowl slid through her fingers. The macaroni salad plopped on the wood floor. Your dog, Chum, ate much of it. The floor and the salad bowl were damaged. Katie cried and cried. What would you do?

Kids break things because of accidents or disobedience. The trick is to decide which describes your child. Your decision will determine your discipline. Take a moment now and decide whose behavior above was accidental and whose was disobedient. If it was disobedient, was the child careless, impulsive, or blaming. Please share your ideas below. I'd like to know.

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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In our last blog we discussed 3 discipline problems when kids curse and use bad names. Ciera swears at kids on the school playground. The teacher wants you to stop her cussing. Darwin makes up mean names and taunts the neighbor kids. The parents forbid their children to play with him. Farrah curses at her brother and sister. Your home life is miserable. What will you do?

As a parent, you have discipline choices. Consider the logical consequences below:

If there's an adult who curses, yells foul names, or is sarcastic among your family or friends, tell them to stop. Your kids don't need bad models.

1. Keep in contact with Ciera's playground teacher by note or by phone. Get the reports on Ciera's cussing. If Ciera gets a bad report have her write "I will talk respectfully on the playground." She must write it 100 times in good printing or hand writing before snacks, playing, or TV.
2. When you hear Darwin yell bad names, call him inside. Give him a form to fill which asks:

   What behavior do I need to change?

   How is this behavior hurting me?

   How is this behavior hurting the neighbor kids?

   How is this behavior hurting my family?

   What am I going to do to make things better?

    If Darwin's too young to write or print, have him draw his answers.

    When he's completed the form, go over Darwin's answers with him. Get him to look you in the eye and say, "I promise to talk nicely." Notice this promise is positive. You want to move him toward positive thinking. Avoid promises like, "I won't call the kids bad names." It's negative.

1. Send Farrah to a boring room like the bathroom where there's no TV, computer, cell phone, etc. Tell her to stay there until she comes up with 3 better ways she could have dealt with her sister or brother. When she's ready, tell her to come to you and share those ways. Next she must apologize in front of you to her sister or brother and tell them how she could have handled things better.

Conclusion for Cussing Kids and Discipline:

I know these logical consequences take time. Yelling, arguing, and begging may seem easier. They have consequences. They encourage your child's negative behavior to repeat itself. Soon they'll be cursing at you too.

Training your children to be civilized is your privilege and your job. You can raise them to become people of character. It all starts when they're young. You have the power. Take it. Get the respect you deserve.

To help your children think before they speak, pick up my Problem Solver Kit. Get rid of the cussing. Enjoy raising kids who respect you and respect each other.

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Discipline is tough when kids curse and call other children bad names. They get attention, power, and revenge all at the same time. When the rewards are so great, getting your kids to change isn't easy. If an adult swears in your house, discipline can be even harder.

What would you do?

1. Your little angel, Ciera, cusses like a red neck. You just learned this at the recent school conference. The playground teacher reports Ciera cussing every day. You're expected to do something. Will you put Tabasco sauce on her tongue or wash her mouth out with soap? Will you spank her? Or will you take some time and think of a logical consequence?
2. Darwin, your 10-year-old, is a genius at inventing bad names. On any summer day when the kids are outdoors playing, you hear his sarcastic taunts. "Diaper head, pig eye, idiot brain" thunder from his big mouth. Through the grapevine you've learned several parents forbid their children to play with your foul-mouthed son.
3. Your Farrah, which means "lovely," needs a tongue bath. If her little sister steps one toe inside Farrah's room, the house shakes with Farrah's curses. If her little brother spills his milk, she bellows, "Look what you did, you stupid kid!" Your family feels trapped by her temper.

Take some time to think of some logical consequences for these kids. Remember your consequences must fit the crime. They must be kind. And they must be firm.

Look for 3 discipline tips about cussing and foul-mouths in our next blog. To make sure you receive it, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and you'll receive the solutions in your e-mail.

To help your children think before they speak, pick up my Dilemma Discussion Kit. Get rid of the cussing. Enjoy raising kids who respect each other.

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Disciplining with logical consequences cuts down on arguments, begging, and fighting. Think about it like a pie. When you're consistent, kind and firm, your child will respect you and follow the rules. Discipline becomes just a sliver of the pie. The rest of the pie is filled with fun activities like cooperation, affection, and pleasant discussions.

If you're inconsistent, yell, and fight with your kids when disciplining, then expect the co-operation, affection, and pleasant discussions to become the sliver. Discipline will take over the rest of the pie and that portion will taste like mud.

It's time to tackle a common discipline problem, homework. Let's brainstorm solutions too.

If These Were Your Children, How Would You Discipline?

1. Your son, Kevin, is home alone. Your boss threatens, "It's your kid or this job!" You leave anyway. As you walk in the door, the TV shouts, "This toy gives you hours of fun." There's Kevin, eating chips on the couch. When he sees you he yells and points to the TV.

   "Hey mom can I have that toy?"

   "Did you do your homework?"

    

   "Homework's boring."

   "Turn off the TV."

   "Do I have to?"

   What would you do if you were Kevin's mom?

2. Your daughter, Emma, hates homework too. Her teacher can't read Emma's scribbles and smudges. She marks her down for messiness. Emma doesn't care. Playing is much more fun. What will you do?
3. Robert's school back pack is empty. He "forgot" his homework again. With crackers in one hand and soda in the other, he rushes to his room to play his latest video game. What will you do?

Parenting kids who don't or won't do homework becomes a verbal war.

"Do your homework."

"Later."

"When?"

"I don't know."

Do you feel like you're losing the battle and the war? Your child is failing in school. He stalls, says, "No," sneaks out to play, won't turn off the TV. What can you do? Leave your comments.

Look for solutions in our next blog. To make sure you receive it sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and you'll find your answers in your e-mail.

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Our last blog discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with kids who yell. Did you come up with some solutions? Today we'll share some of ours.

Do you recall how Drew shouted, "I'm sick and tired of these stupid chores!" Or how Kenzie yelled, "I hate this dinner!" Or how Pete and Peyton screamed about taking turns at the bat?

Franklin P. Jones once said, "You can learn many things from children - how much patience you have, for instance."

As the parent, you have discipline choices for your yellers. Consider the suggestions below:

First I'll give you the Feedback Formula then I'll suggest a solution for each problem.

Memorize this formula and use it often when it applies:

When you (the unwanted behavior)

I feel (your own emotion)

I want you to (the new behavior)

The next time Drew won't get out of bed, don't yell like Drew's mom, ""I'm sick and tired of being your alarm clock. Get out of bed now!" He heard her voice and copied her tone and her words. She was his model when he didn't want to do his chores.

If you're a yeller, don't be surprised when your children yell back. Break your yelling habit like you'd snap a twig. Make a strong decision that you'll yell no more. To do this, tone down your emotion. Think before you speak. Make sure you're not whining. Use the Feedback Formula.

The Feedback Formula for Drew:

When you stay in bed,

I feel frustrated.

I want you to get up and get ready on time for school.

This may not change Drew's behavior by itself. You may have to stop waking Drew and let him be late for school. After all, that would be a logical consequence.

The Feedback Formula for Kenzie:

When you won't eat the family dinner I fix,

I feel hurt,

I want you to eat the family dinner or nothing at all.

Again, this may not change Kenzie's behavior. At least you've said what you think. You should follow through with your words and not make her a different meal.

Feedback Formula for Peyton and Pete:

Boys, when you yell and fight,

I feel angry

I want you to solve your problems fairly or quit playing with each other.

Peyton and Pete need to know you mean what you say. Rather than yell through the window, go outside. Take the bat and ball. Lock them away. Send Peyton and Pete to different Time Outs.

As with any of these disciplines, they must be repeated over and over until your children understand you mean what you say.

Remember, yelling doesn't work. Discipline takes patience.

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