Paris If You Please

Sab's Totally Crap Paris: No.22 ~ "Crappy Sandwich"

2013-05-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Inspired unashamedly by a photo book I spotted whilst over in the British capital, the weekend of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, as chance would have it, called 'Shit London', I proudly present my latest délire, as the French would say: Sab's Totally Crap Paris.

It occurred to me, as I flicked through the aforementioned tome of images of run down neighbourhoods, horrendously spelt or imagined shop names, wildly-less-than-desirable eateries, and, yes, turds on the streets, that Paris didn't have much to be ashamed of, in an inverted snobbery kind of way if you see what I mean. Hell, Paris streets can out-shit the best of 'em, that's what I say!

My next challenge was the name of my latest genius idea. 'Shit Paris' was obviously an option, but I quickly crossed it off, for several reasons. First of all, given my inspiration, the existing 'Shit London', it would hardly be original, and may encounter slippy-slidy copyright problems down the line, who knows.

Then there's aesthetics. Prude as I'm not, words like 'shit' don't worry me too much, but having said that they don't always project the image or subtlety I'm after. Naff Paris was an option, but a little too colloquial. Crap Paris seemed to me the ideal compromise between vulgarity, slang and vapidly timid slander. The ´totally´added the personal touch I was after.

So there you have it. Expect blindingly banal boutiques with Anglicised names to weep over, screamingly uninviting ´trottoirs´, weary tourists, endless queues, rainy days, strikes, homeless souls and basically anything and everything that strikes me as crap about Paris, including, no doubt, the odd dose of, you know, that... brown stuff (shh*t)!

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
No.22 ~ "Crappy Sandwich"

Or 'Not So Happy Sandwich' by the looks of this closed down, up for rent eaterie.

It's a great example of a place trying to entice you in by claiming to be terribly cheery, with a dash of trendy English thrown in to the mix for good measure... and failing miserably.

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Discover all of Sab's Totally Crap Paris...

1) COMING SOON ~ 2) COMING SOON ~ 3) COMING SOON
4) COMING SOON ~ 5) COMING SOON ~ 6) COMING SOON
7) COMING SOON ~ 8) COMING SOON ~ 9) COMING SOON
10) COMING SOON

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* Sab Will runs Photo and Curios Tours in Paris, and also manages a variety of Paris and photography-themed sites and blogs. He writes an illustrated Paris Chronicle every day, runs a Meetup group for Paris lovers, interviews Paris personalities and reviews Paris books (on this blog), and even contributes to the city's street art (shh), so feel free to browse some of the links below and in the right-hand column to find out more about what he gets up to out there...

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Sab's Totally Crap Paris: No.21 ~ "Grammar Clanger"

2013-05-19T04:13:00.002-07:00

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
No.21 ~ "Grammar Clanger"

Grammar Nazis are curling their toes all over the City of Light right now...

Irresistible, you see, is a limit adjective which already means that you can't resist it. You can't add a 'very' in the same way as you can't say that Paris is a very incredible city. Incredible's already enough, already.

And then there's that cringy mixing of English and French to supposedly chic effect. Except that we English speakers know that very isn't in the slightest bit chic. It's just very, but the Froggies think it's cool.

Oh dear. Must be I've been teaching too long... - very over and out!

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Sab's Totally Crap Paris: No.20 ~ "Here & Now"

2013-05-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
No.20 ~ "Here & Now"

In the chic sixth, amongst sleepy galleries and obscure boutiques, all was not well.

Someone had sullied their whitewashed walls and not with the sort of art which would have commanded a premium.

It's a mess, but it's here and now, and ironically enough was getting more attention than the boring boutique next door...

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Sab's Totally Crap Paris: No.19 ~ "Poster Session"

2013-05-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
No.19 ~ "Poster Session"

Someone's conscientiously torn down all the posters which were stuck to the front of this defunct Latin Quarter restaurant. Unfortunately they didn't have the patience to remove the hundreds of little pieces of coloured paper which were left behind. Result: a mess. Not to mention the dead posters in the doorway. Definitely totally crap.

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Sab's Totally Crap Paris: No.18 ~ "Super Boris"

2013-05-01T13:03:00.001-07:00

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Sab's Totally Crap Paris
No.18 ~ "Super Boris"

This was a chance find in the 11th I think it was, although I could be wrong. Super Boris, no less! I don't know if the gent in the photo is the Boris in question but he seems to fit the role pretty well in any case.

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Discover all of Sab's Totally Crap Paris...

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Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios: "See You At The Elm"

2013-01-25T15:14:00.000-08:00

Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

The title says it all: quirks and curiosities. And as luck would have it, Paris is packed with them; you just have to know where to look!

In this on-going series I offer you some hand picked, photographed and commented oddities which particularly interested me, and I hope will do the same for you.

I'm an avid collector of such items so any comments and suggestions you may have would be very welcome. So, without further ado, let's get straight onto...

Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios
4th Arrondissement: Quirk 7 ~ "See You At The Elm"

Three more curiosities for the price of one, just like I did in quirk No.3 of the 4th arrondissement, now don't say I'm not good to you!

We find ourselves at another church, but not inside it, not just yet anyway. Instead we are looking up at its magnificent facade through the leaves of... a certain elm. But not just any old elm, you understand.

Well, this isn't the original of course, but ever since the middle ages an old old tree has stood at this spot in the centre of the place in front of the church. It was even known as the Carrefour de l'Orme - the Elm Crossroads.

The locals would gather by the tree, and in particular for the settling of debts, giving rise to a French expression, Attendez-moi sous l'orme ! - 'Wait for me at the elm', meaning I want paying back, and sharpish!

The local Saint-Gervais factory would contribute each year to the upkeep of the tree, and it was the subject of many sculpted or painted representations, two of which I shall tell you about forthwith.

Follow me inside the church, if you will and let's take a trip down the central isle. On either side, about half way down, are a couple of rows of sideways-facing choir stalls.

A closer inspection of the misericords - the little jutting out ledges on the underside of the upswung seats to help people keep from keeling over - reveal some very curious creatures indeed. And among them, guess what we find... a couple of our old friend the Saint-Gervais elm.

The rest of the display will have to be the subject of another quirk, for now we're going to hasten outside again and around to the right... or left, depending on which way you look at it.

On the street just off to the north side of the church is a long building and we need to look up to the second floor at the little wraught iron balconies. Right there in the middle - well, I'm sure I don't need to tell you, do I? - is the elm once again. It's everywhere!

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Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios: "Holey Spire"

2013-01-25T08:55:00.003-08:00

Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios
Introduction

by Sab Will, wannabe offbeat Paris street guru

Sab's Paris Quirks & Curios
4th Arrondissement: Quirk 3 ~ "Holey Spire"

It's quirk number 3 in the 4th arrondissement and I'm offering you three curiosities for the price of one - now you can't say fairer than that, can you?

The first thing that strikes you about the Eglise Saint-Louis-en-l'Ile, from afar, in fact, isn't something that's there, but rather something that's missing. Unique in Paris this modest church has got huge gaping holes all the way down its spire!

The story's quite simple really, and gently amusing in a slightly irreverent kind of way. The first half of the 18th century was particularly trying for the church. The powers that be saw fit to send first storms to destroy the roof in 1701, killing several of the faithful. Then in 1740 lightning took out the bell tower. Something had to be done.

That something can be seen today, in the form of a, quite literally, very holey spire indeed. This hopefully made it less susceptible to dangers from the wind on the gusty isle.

It's time to look at the second curiosity, which can also be seen in the first two pictures. Did you guess? Yes, it's the clock.

Sticking out from the side of the building, as opposed to stuck on it, the reason is again highly pragmatic.

The street is too narrow to easily see the hour from directly beneath so the clock face(s) are at right angles to the facade and can thus be read from way down the street, very handy when hurrying to evening service hoping the spire isn't going to fall on top of you...

Which brings us to the third oddity, a dark plaque attached to the side of the church as was (and still is) often the case.

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The inscription reads: "Loix et Actes de L'Autorité Publique".

These were put up during revolutionary times and below were posted the various and numerous new laws and judgements being passed in the flurry of the end of the 18th century.

It was strictly forbidden to cover them up or tear them down, and considering that quite a few of the notices posted must have been to announce imminent beheadings, I imagine this was respected pretty carefully.

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