Paris, Paris or Love and Other Disasters

0000.035.44.09

2011-12-30T11:02:00.000+01:00

As the final countdown begins, one starts to wonder about the time one's had - another year ahead of us, another year behind us. There is that one magical second, one mili-second for that matter, when time does not exist anymore, when another 365,25 days, 525 960 minutes, 31 575 600 seconds are counted into your time account.

So what will you do with those 31,5 million seconds? Who are you going to give them to? Where will you spend them and what will you take for them? How are you going to spend your time? Wisely, trying to save minutes? Or foolishly, bestowing upon every second of that alloted year value that cannot be equaled in diamonds, because it is what you use in the makings of a work of art - that of your life. A life that will have touched so many others, influenced so many events, participated in the mindboggling and complex web of interactions and made possible one outcome out of a hundred thousand. So what will you do with your time, knowing that every little decision you make, every second, can trigger a connection between two neurons that is in fact printed on a canvas, or etched in a piece of wood/marble/whatever.. and cannot be erased?

The worst error of all I think would be to plan it. Where would be the adventure in that? The trick though is not to take it for granted and not think that the wasted time will be given to us next year, and then the next, and then the next.. Time is a currency, and once you lose it, sadly, you cannot win it back; as appealing as that sounds, it is just a daydream and not a game of wits against the Universe.

So my New Year's resolution is to take every second as it comes and try to make something worth looking at in a year's time; not "incarcerate" minutes and hours of that life by planning, nothing ever goes according to plan anyways. Enjoy the seconds you have one at a time because you never know when you'll run out, and will have to look back and think your life is not complete the way it is at that precise moment. It should be complete all the time.

Accordingly, my NY's wish to everyone is - be as foolish as possible and make your seconds count (no pressure)! Happy 2012!

Sincerely yours,

Messes

2011-08-14T00:56:00.003+02:00

Funny how sometimes, out of the blue, coincidence happens, and you stumble upon things, signs, thoughts, that make all the sense in the world to you. That seem like they're the embodiment of your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own desires, fears, doubts; and it feels like the darkest corners of your soul have been illuminated by an uninvited intruder - light - the truth. Funny, how sometimes, that intruder forces you to face what you've been applying your whole life to [unsuccessfully] hide, ignore, smother.

I fear many things, but what I fear most I guess is that there is nobody next to you who is willing to pick you up, dust you off, kiss you, forgive you, put up with you, wait for you, care for you, love you. Why should there be? What makes you deserve such a person? What makes that person want to do all those things? My fear is that there is nothing in oneself that would make another person, a stranger, another entity, to do those things.

The question is now - how to face this fear? How to get rid of it? How to open up to someone fully while that someone might end up giving up on you because they find you unworthy?

How to be worthy?

Mad about Wilde & Co

2011-06-21T00:42:00.006+02:00

Aren't you tired of being perfect sometimes?

How easy it would be to put on Taxi Driver's soundtrack, pour scotch in a glass, light a cigarette, and enjoy the view from a NYC condo with a view of the whole city (like in a movie - the view is so perfect it seems they all live in the same appartment built on top of the world).
Call up some friends, invite them over for a drink, and discuss silly and smart things at the same time. An egghead house party as it were.
Call up some friends and meet at the theatre for the play of the decade..

Decadence could and would be my middle name. Now that I think of it, it really is my middle name. I've come to realize that the company of intellectual dandies is one of the biggest joys in the world, and there is no bigger concentration of them than in NY. The city of strass, cigars, sceptics, sardonics, cocktails, parties, beauty, and yes - sometimes even sin and the thrill of the forbidden.. and so many more things one can truly enjoy in life. Decadence comes easy, doesn't it? And who cares if it doesn't please others, if it makes people jealous, if it pollutes... Indifference comes easy, decandence comes easy. Why give it up? For the sake of our future generations? I can only shrug and say to this - that I truly do not care for future generations - there's too many of us, much too many to give any value to the countless faces that in the end start looking the same. Almost like Fritz Lang or Orson Welles imagined and perhaps dreaded or hated them..

I don't really plan on having kids, just a comfortable life. Why have more if the ground beneath our feet is already shaking and straining, don't you agree?

Decadence is easy, natural. It is what I ache for, it is what gives life a little meaning. The life of a dandy is truly a work of art - decadence gives meaning to something as fragile as life in a totally meaningless world.

Decadence - a daydreamer's dream of reality. The reality of a day dreamer. Reality tout court. An accessoire of auto-dérision. The sign of a healthy mind. Hmmm.. I wouldn't mind that glass of scotch right now. Enjoy the sound of clinking ice against the walls of a thick glass..
Wouldn't we all want to be simple flâneurs? Wouldn't it be easier? No worries, no strains, just happy over-intellectualism and pleasure.

As rivers can't flow backwards

2011-06-16T01:29:00.003+02:00

Do you ever wonder about the ground we walk upon? Do you ever wonder about the pavement of our streets? Do you ever wonder about the hands that laboured over it?

It's sad to realize how fast we forget things; how utterly easy it is to ignore them as long as they do not concern us directly.
Some things are not worth remembering, but some - on the contrary, must be honoured by our memories; made immortal, embedded in our minds for they are the essence and beginning of our life, its justification.

A few days ago I passed by one of those many monuments the State has built in honour of the dead that saved France in battles that took place seventy years ago. Strange how long ago that seems, while the wound is still fresh and gaping open - in desperate need of closure and care, starting to fester. Strange how easy it is to live through day after day and enjoy a sweet oblivion. How egotistical of us.
The victims of the war are well remembered, but what about the ones who delivered freedom on a silver plate. Strange how easy it is to breathe and forget we walk on the blood and flesh of our ancestors, that we walk because of them.

Do you think we honour them today? Do you think this was what they fought for? Do you think this is what they gave their lives for? Do you think this is what they bled out for? Would you go to battle back then if you had had only a glimpse of our lives today?
Is this the fall of Men?

We're blinded more than ever by war, greed and power. And to what end? What good does that do to anyone? Why does eerything have to be settled by a bullet or a bomb?
It seems as though we're standing on the brink of an event that will chage everything, that will maybe set the world right again, will bring us peace and understanding, and intelligence and compassion.

Our decisions are what brings us forward and there is no going back, the same way a river can never be the same again, as the wind cannot put a tree back into the ground once torn out, as we cannot stop the time.
The wars have not ended for we have not yet realized our wounds and healing has not begun. Execution and vengence is not enough for it has not healed our sickness - a sickness of the mind, poisoned still by the memory of hundreds of years of battles for power. It is easy to follow into the footsteps of flawed and mad men and justify our actions with their legacy. It is easy to not think, to numb our souls to pain and suffering, to sacrifice.

What do we hope to achieve by doing what we do? Why is it so important to have money, to have power.. to have? Why do we do anything we do? Where is the sense of it all if we do not even remember that our lives are built on blood and death. Was it all for nothing in the end? Have we failed our ancestors? Have we failed Humanity?

Beauty of power

2011-06-01T23:53:00.004+02:00

To survive, we have always relied on one thing - unity. Now that we've infested the planet to the extent there's only one outcome - no force can destroy us other than our own - what will we do?

Our ancestors were much more than we are now. Despite all our technological wonders and discoveries, we've only managed to deteriorate humanity. They were in a much better shape, more attuned to instincts, more intelligent that we are now, with a morality that can ever be regained, stronger in every sense. More united than we could ever be. And they never underestimated nature and its power.

There is nothing more captivating than to look in the eyes of a wolf and see there the legacy of hundreds of thousands of souls of his ancestors, standing behind him, guiding him, protecting him, giving him reason to continue his battles. Nothing more overwhelming than to see the sheer power of the elements - water eroding the hardest, biggest and strongest of mountains, fire turning to ashes everything in its way, even melting stone, wind blowing away trees and rocks, and living things that dare walk on earth, even grass over-taking everything with surprising speed and something similar to flawless determination. Nothing more thrilling than to hear and feel the earth tremble as hooves hit the ground and horses raise dust storms around them as they run free and wild. Nothing more tempting than the power and righteousness of honour in one single man.

There lies beauty. In living things, not in the creations of Man, not in temporary toys. It lies in the life source itself - the juice that powers trees, the blood that runs in the smallest blood vessels of the biggest animals there are, in the power of one single muscle that grants us a few moments to enjoy and pay our respects to the Mother. It is only by living according to the laws of nature that we will survive. Those who count on helicopters, and steel ships, cars, planes, nuclear shells, will not remain, because they do not have the strength it takes to take on the burden of the power nature can grant only to a few of us. To those who are strong enough, the wold becomes a true extension of them. To the weaklings - it's the illusion of secuity by numbers and the comfort and ease in sharing the belief with others that will finish them.

It is strange how we seek power, but never try to earn it, never try to take the vow. We conform ourselves to playing an elaborate but essentially superficial game. Not willing to bleed to learn, avoiding the tests and avoiding payment for it. We're trying to steal from nature and we're failing miserably, aren't we?

The Gods do not help those who don't help themselves. But what should we do? How far beyond the point of no return are we? How much will we pay for all the centuries of stealing, and with what? What do we do once beauty's gone?

J'en ai marre!

2011-05-31T10:10:00.005+02:00

J'en ai marre!

J'en ai marre des français, des espagnols et des chinois! J'en ai marre du riz, des pâtes, du café, du Thé! J'en ai marre d'Ivry, de Créteil et des bus et du metro! J'en ai marre de m'ennuyer, j'en ai marre de bosser comme une conne pour trois sous! J'en ai marre des hommes! J'en ai marre des foutaises de merde epèces d'enculés du trou du cul à la putain saloparde! J'en ai marre d'avoir un balai dans le cul et de la perfection! J'en ai marre des banques, de ma carte banquaire avec une limite à la con, des Porquets, des chiens cons! J'en ai marre des merdes de chien que j'y pense! J'en ai marre de Acer (espèce d'enculéééééééééééééééééééééééééé!!!!!!!!!!!), j'en ai marre de Firefox! J'en ai marre des boring-fest! J'en ai marre des babas-cools et des gens qui me disent de relaxer et de ne pas m'énerver! J'en ai marre des potiches bourgeoises et de la clique bobo! J'en ai marre de l'unfiorme et du rose! J'en ai marre de l'electro qui pue! J'en ai marre des vieux français qui pètent partout et dans ta tronche! Et il fait froid aujourd'hui, putain!

J'en ai marre, j'en ai marre, j'en ai marre!!!!
I'm a raging bitch ou comme disent les français - I'm parisienne, je râle, ET ALORS!

Sometimes one is just enough

2011-05-26T21:22:00.004+02:00

If you ever wonder what a completely crazy week can look like, it would look like my current week. Just to give you an example of a day from this week - spent two hours looking for hotels from 6 am, did some bureaucratic pirouettes in Ivry city, went to work - one department head gave his resignation, another one insulted his secretary (my indirect boss) and the company's doc stopped her today, so she's not coming back for a long while, the head in question received serious reprimands from the big big boss, so who knows what will happen to him now. And so on, and so on.
Sometimes pefection is a bitch.

Sometimes

2011-05-21T09:56:00.002+02:00

Sometimes ... Sometimes I wish frogs rained.
Sometimes I wish for housewives to stop wiping and washing, for businessmen to stop selling, for drivers to stop driving, for musicians to stop playing, for people to stop walking, or kids to stop fighting, or babies to cry for food and comfort, for grass to stop growing, for wind to stop blowing. Sometimes I wish for a clean break, a wake-up call. Yes, sometimes... To remember the limits of that wihch bings us down and of what brings us back up, higher and higher after we hit rock bottom. To remember that which is survived and learned from, that which makes us who we are - the good with the bad.

And yes, nothing is ever going to stop till we wise up, and give in, and embrace the moment and the fullness of it. Until we let the frogs rain down and interrupt our self pittying, and let us go on with a fresh reserve of air in our lungs. Until we realize that anyone who we pass by on the street, we bump into in the metro, we hear a compliment from and choose to ignore it, anyone - is just like us. And whether it's chance, fate, destiny, or whatever one might think it is, one can't deny that at the moment of utter need or at the moment we choose to 'wise up', everything changes and gives us that frog-rain, that element of utter bewilderment that interrupts everything and propells us into heights yet unexplored.

Exoticisms of Passing Nature

2011-05-07T19:13:00.008+02:00

My last post being about exoticism, it only seems natural to do another one about the reason for I chose such a vast and at the same time restricted theme.

You'll remember receiving an invitation to a Bday drink, it was posted on the blog just a few days ago.

The drink turned, as promised, into an exotic and fun night. In what sense was it exotic? Mmmm, different reasons. For a moment just before the evening had started, I was considering cancelling it. Then I went for it, and enjoyed myself immensely, because I decided that for one night I have the freakin' right not to think about problems, and associate my almmost-quarter-of-a-century with a positive feeling rather than just the traditional sulking about being another year older.

After a short moment of total fuckedness and doubt, I went to Le Mansart that turned out to be a great choice. The music was cool, the bar was packed (one might think the whole Pigalle was there!), the crowd was full of hipsters, the service very nice but my drink got mixed up with another twice for some reason.. Then, some of us went to Le Carmen. Very cool interior and the surprise cocktail I ordered from the barman was excellent. But the rest was a disappointment - the bar was empty, the music was off...

Then we headed for Chez Moune. It was completely empty, and we ended up at Le Sans-Souci. Met there these two super cute (and drunk) guys. One of the guys, the cutest, seemed somehow familiar. Turns out he's from my year at the Lycée International de Saint-Germain-en-Laye.. Typical.

Then we went back to Le Carmen, it was fuller, and we even danced a bit. The crowd was still disappointing - full of teenagers who played old Justin Timberlake & Jenny from the Block songs.. Needless to say we didn't stay there long.

After that - went back to Chez Moune where the party had finally started. The music was great, the beat fantastic. As soon as we start dancing, this freakish guy pulls me by my hand, and I went - what the hell! - and we had a little sex dance and at some point his tongue went down my throat as well.. After that, I went back to my company and continued dancing. Apparently, I had, as the French say, allumé the guy. While we were dancing, he litterally pulled me up, you should have seen all the other guys around staring at us.. And the freaky one I was dancing with said something like - "T'est forte!" So anyways, he popped by another four times trying to pull me away again...

We continued dancing until around 3 am when some two teenager-drunk-out-of-their-minds-girls started pissing us off. One of them poured gin over E on purpose, the bitch. Pffff, can't hold it, don't drink it! They were so drunk they weren't even drinking, they were dancing and pouring it all over the place..

So yeah, the night was fun and a bit exotic, and I think I'm really starting to live up to my NY's resolutions - be less square, do things I don't usually do like kissing strangers and having sex dances, and going on dates with random guys even if I know they're not for me. In short - je sors le pouce de mon cul for once.
You gotta admit - it's more fun than living with a f***** stick up your ass...

Best of "What is Exoticism for you?" by Please!

2011-05-06T11:14:00.004+02:00

José Lévy, Designer
Etranger, curieux et surprenant.
Diamétralement opposé à soi mais séduisant.
Déstabilisant avec délice et plaisir.

Sophie Bramly, Producer and Founder of secondsexe.com
L'exotisme c'est tout ce qui n'est pas moi, mais certains jours c'est moi aussi.

Christian Wassmann, Architect
Exoticism to me is uncoded reality without Please and Thank.

Christina Kruse, Top Model and Artist
A desired state of mind or physical presence to be visited, witnessed or to be part of (personally) for a (rather) short amount of time.

Justine Lévy, Writer
L'exotisme, c'est les autres.

Me
Séduction subtile, regards furtifs, musk, kissing a total stranger, dancing with eyes closed, total abandon

Visual Diary #5

2011-05-05T11:06:00.001+02:00

Invitations

2011-05-04T09:55:00.003+02:00

Somehow I just crave total abandon lately... Join the dreamers this Thursday May 5th in Paris for a wholly dandy and exotic evening!

Of Princes and Princesses

2011-05-04T09:18:00.003+02:00

We all dream of them, we all imagine it, we all wish it to morph into reality one day, some day not that far away. For some of us mirage turns out to be reality, but for the rest - it's just a faint glow of light in the form of a horse and a prince. Frogs - yes, that we get plenty of, but never what we imagine we deserve.

What do we deserve?

We're out there, ready and going for it, and we DO have what it takes. The problem - not enough princes are brought up... Do they come from disillusioned bellies or is it just that we have lost faith in fairy tales?

Yes, sometimes I wonder if it is a good thing to be proud of this cold-hard-bitch attitude that's so in vogue these days - fighting every day for survival, eroding slowly holes into what kept the world going a few hundred years ago - dreams and fantasy. If it weren't for dreams, we wouldn't be here, we wouldn't be walking on the moon, we wouldn't be catching planes to find ourselves on the other end of the planet a few hours later, somewhere in Bali or maybe India. Instead - we come off as a disenchanted world, a lost world, a tree with no roots. Some will ask - why? What's the purpose of an imaginary, a spiritual world if you can't touch it, can't smell it, can't live it? This just proves that we've lost faith, that reality has become a drug. That we're farther away from the social contract than we've ever been.

Hmmmm.. so what do we girls do? Do we keep dreaming, hoping that the fata morgana will somehow be wrenched into a reality we can touch, or stop following blindly something that's not there? Do we conform and continue to breed a sophisticated society that believes in nothing and is not grounded anywhere? Like fish - easily swept away by the faintest current... Or do we roll up our satin sleeves and organize a revolution?

After all, a prince is worth fighting for... The world is symmetrical - there cannot be a reality with a bunch of princesses and no princes.

Visual Diary #4

2011-05-04T09:15:00.002+02:00

Visual Diary #3

2011-04-27T18:48:00.002+02:00

Visual Diary #2

2011-04-25T09:23:00.005+02:00

Happy Easter to... (or note on life in a city)

2011-04-19T11:33:00.003+02:00

Living in a city, you expect all sorts of things.
Like birds singing and pooping on your head, pretty flowers and angree bees, butterflies and stinky people, constant crowds, traffic jams, pollution, dog poo in the most surprising places, and all other sorts of things, including those "charmante, charmante" comments you've heard me love so much. You also expect curious neighbours with all the situations that derive from the fact that they just can't keep their nose out of your buttocks. Literally.

What you really refuse to expect is peeping-in-my-bathroom-from-across-the-street-toms! In the two and a half years I've lived here nothing of the sort has ever happened to me, but they say there's a first time for everything, right? So this morning I kind of gave a Happy Easter sight to one of the neighbours from across the street. You should have seen the guy's face, he was so surprised to actually catch one of us in the bathroom that he didn't even move when I noticed him! No need to say I was laughing (and still am) about it while showering (curtains tightly shut).

Guys are like dogs or cats.. Once you feed them, they keep coming back. So to dissuade the guy from coming back for more tomorrow morning, I decided I'd write him a letter. I don't know what his name is and I thought one moment about going on a stakeout and catch one of his neighbours. I upgraded my plan and it's taking form now. I'm not going to stop at getting his name and writing him a letter. What I'm going to do is make a copy of his letter for each resident of his building, and put it in all their mail boxes, histoire de le faire savoir that I'm not letting this go that easily and to show what kind of a naughty boy they live with. I'm slamming into turbo bitch mode as well, and I'm going to take out the big guns to scare the crap out of the poor bastard - a little mention of expressions like "sexual harrassment", "peeping" and "police" will be enough, what do you think?

Mmmmmm, it's good to be a bit evil again! I've missed it so much, I'm really enjoying myself right now! The fact that he saw me doesn't bother me that much, it's not like there's something here he hasn't seen before... it's the consequence and responsibility game that comes afterward that's fun.

Stay tuned for a copy of the letter and news on the subject.

Oh, on a completely different subject - I just had to post this! It's what makes me so joyful this morning..

"Say it loud, say it proud: You’re feeling the love, Taurus, and you don’t care who hears it. With the exception, that is, of one person: the object of your desires. Why does the prospect of speaking those words to your beloved make you shake like a leaf? If it seems too schmaltzy—or scary—you could always drop your L-bomb with a little humor woven in. Just don’t fast-forward this film to the wedding reception, the birth of your first child, or those side-by-side rocking chairs you’ll retire to in your 90s. That’s too much pressure to put on your own self today!"

"Ready, set, refresh! The Sun begins its annual tour of Taurus, lighting a fire under your feet. You’ve been itching to get your dreams in motion since the year began, but with planets gathering in your twelfth house of surrender and completion, you’ve had to weather one slowdown after another. Although you’ll still need to engage your willpower and patience, there IS some forward movement beginning this week. It may be necessary to assert yourself with greater oomph, particularly with people who seem to be sending mixed messages. You can’t wait forever while they deliberate. What’s at the source of their hesitation? Look within instead of pointing the finger. Are there ways that YOU can grow and change that will enable them to feel more confident in moving forward with you? See what happens if you begin presenting yourself in a more confident, clear, decisive manner. If nothing gives after that, you may need to cut your losses and move on. These peeps could come around at a later date, but you can’t remain on hold, listening to a bunch of promises that might as well be elevator muzak. Hang up that phone. They have your number, and if this collaboration is meant to be, they’ll call you back. Keep your focus on June 4—that’s when lucky Jupiter enters Taurus for a year, the first time it’s visited your sign in twelve years. You’ll be partying like it was 1999 this summer..literally. Think back to your “turn of the century” successes. There are clues there for what’s coming your way in terms of your growth and expansion. Right now, you have the green light to get excited about plans; whom you’ll be celebrating with is still anyone’s guess."

Whip it like you mean it

2011-04-19T00:34:00.006+02:00

It's a beautiful morning, sunny and full of promises and opportunities. You can deduce, and rightly so, that I've decided today doesn't have to be a doomsday.
I'm saying 'yes' to the guy and going out on Friday.

Another note on whipping it like you mean it - it's just another way to get over infatuations if you catch my drift. So yeah - wearing heels, a short (but classy) dress, ray bans, and making some people jealous.. It's so good to be determined and getting back into bitch-slaps! (Ohhhh, I rarely can't stand a face, but this goes to a certain blonde at work that I just ... je ne peux pas la voir, un point, c'est tout! Ha! And I AM kicking her ass! :D Since I've been here, the girl has started wearing dresses and heels, the problem is - she can't own the looks... she looks like she's trying real hard not to fall on her ass on those heels, and has a low taste level; and don't get me started on the way she works those dresses. She doesn't... The reason I don't like her? Instinct - pure and simple. And also the fact that she's French, but acting like a ripoff of a fille de l'Est! Oh, and she's probably slept with every man in the building too.)

On a more zen note - my hair will whip the socks off of every man at Essilor today, you can be sure of that!

(I love Willow Smith! Will and Jada are probably hitting them with adrenaline shots every morning.. I want some too!)

A little dédicace to the fools who might step in my way today:

Off the hook... or not...

2011-04-18T23:59:00.004+02:00

Here I was talking about tucking my pink shades away... And I checked - they're deep under lace and satin. The thing is - I didn't figure out the way and reasons for taking them out again.

What am I talking about?
Another date, this Friday, with someone from work. The someone I've kind of been trying to avoid... So he asked me out today and he was so excited, I couldn't say no (I REALLY must learn how to say "no" to people!!!). I just said I'd check out his e-mail and give him an answer.

Tomorrow officially qualifies as a doomsday then, and I haven't really figured out what to say. I guess the "yes" is kind of implied; it would make things easier to get this over with and out of the way. If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't, and no real harm done after just one date, right?
And anyways, my horoscope says something about "surrendering" and "going with the flow". It's really not my style, but what the heck. Maybe this is just a test. So anyways - I'm taking this as another experiment for the blog. Maybe this will be more interesting to write about! (tinker wink wink)
I'm also going with my NY's resolutions for a change.

Huh, now that I think about what I've written - I'm sure constructing a hell of a + list for the date, and really good at ignoring the kilometres of -(es) that come with the first list... Mmmm, it's just a jazz evening, right?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Let's be wild and imagine I don't want this to go exactly my way! Let's just hope I participate in this fantasy and actually believe it too... Man, I'm such a control freak! Where did that come from..?

To give a clue as to the 'why?' of the first question - I can't figure out if I should let go of everything and enjoy myself without feeling like flogging my ass for not following my principles (this is deffinately NOT my type of guys.. again..), or keep up the standards and live like Holy Nelly. Then again, are one's prinles more important than everything else? And why?
Just some things to ponder before succumbing to my sleeping potion.

Hungry - the beginning

2011-04-17T17:29:00.016+02:00

Humanity is hungry.

Primitive cravings for bbqed ribs, butter-stuffed chocolates and other sweet and salty things. The occasional Hallmark-tinted cravings for the perfect life. Cravings for adrenaline, for adventure, for travel.. Cravings for love and hate. Cravings for cars, shoes and dresses...
Well I crave beauty! Something unusual, something surprising and at the same time moving. Something that makes your guts switch places and give you goosepumps. May it be a sound, may it be a ray of light, may it be a pop of colour in an image.. Things that inspire, that create new cravings - they just creep up on you from dark corners and tickle you in places you didn't know you had.
Cravings for wilderness, for revolution. Down with conformity, down with grayscale! Go wild - look for the surprising! It's the right time too - forget chocolate eggs, go for the real thing!

So here's a first Visual Diary entry (not unlike the cool hunter's).

Pretty in pink

2011-04-17T15:56:00.003+02:00

Yes, yes... Pink might be back on my radar, and I mean it not just literally.

Pink is in my uniform (oh my Lady Gaga! Thank heavens [or whatever] we're switching to royal blue for the summer), pink is in my favourite pair of tights, and pink is in my favourite lipstick (meet my new best friend, and it comes in pocket size! Go figure - what do we need doggies for anymore?). So I decided to act accordingly, and to give a new outfit to the blog. I still need to work on the aesthetics and harmonies, but for now this is what it is... So bare with me for a while, until I figure out what experiment to go with.

Speaking of pinks... Went on that date with my hottie friend A last Sunday. A few hours before the big event, I was a wreck! Stressing out about what to say to the guy (he really does NOT know who Andy Warhol is. Heck, turns out he lives so far from Paris, he didn't even know where Bastille is and what the Goerges Pompidou is!!!!! WHAAAAAAT! you might say? I agree.. I'm at a loss for words (and comments) as well..), what to wear, etc, etc. Well the usual gna gna gna that comes before a date with someone you're deffinately not sure about.

He re-scheduled the dinner for a drink at 16.00, I agreed but changed the address to Georges, one of the best terraces in the whole city... He asked again if we could meet up at 15.30. I agreed. Was there at 15.28, waited for him at the library on the ground floor. With a sinking feeling heard my phone go beep at 15.40, and unwillingly - I read the next text.

The guy was lost somewhere near Rivoli. He asked me to go meet him there. So I set out (knowing the kind of control freak I am, you might imagine how pissed off I can get when people don't play by the rules they set themselves) for Rivoli. Around 15.45 I send him a text saying I'm in front of the Tour Saint-Jacques - one of the hardest buildings to miss in Paris. I mean, after that - you miss l'Arc de Triomphe! Around 15.50 he's in front of an SFR office... Man, there's tens of those in the city alone! Turns out, he's at N°24, while I'm at N°96. He asks then if we can meet mid-way. Finally - I said 'no'! I mean, we could have continued missing each other on the same street for another hour... Then the guy asks me to keep an eye open for a parking space. Duuuuuuuuuh, it's Rivoli! There ARE NO parking spaces there... At 16.10, we finally meet... He doesn't apologize for being 40 minutes late.

So we head for Goerges, and when he sees the centre, he asks if we can sit down somewhere else (is he afraid of heights???). At this point I just don't give an f and say - sure, why not. We sit down at this restaurant right next to the centre, and slowly start talking.
The first thing I observe - he's a baba cool. Also - he sits kind of funny, all slumped. And drinks beer with strawberry syrup.. Lives an hour from Paris (by car!) in his appartment, and has a cat. Doesn't like his job, but doesn't know what else to do in his life, knows nothing about books and so on, and recently has gotten to like the word 'contraste'. All that could be ignored for the sake of an 'histoire de cul', but the fact that he lives so far... No no no no no, hmmm hm. Slowly the conversation starts flowing by itself, and it's easy to talk. I'm fixating on his eyes, they're nothing like I've ever seen. A very light blue with specks of yellow and green. Mesmerizing. Apart from that, it's just talking about general things, some personal stuff.. One footstep at a time, as if testing the ground before you isn't about to crumble. He has manners, is nice, but no spark on the horizon and I realize I've put him in the 'friend at best' category. Lack of initiative from his part as well as his babacoolism don't help his cause at all. Ah well, even if nothing happened, it was a nice afternoon...

So yes, pink 'rules' the season. I'm sensing the dangers of the pink shades lingering somewhere over my head - I've re-fallen for the guy at work, but am trying harder than ever to get out of it all for good. What's the point? I'm sure now that I'll be better off with a geek in need of a little adventure. Pink shades tucked safely away, deep in my underwear drawer.
The strategy to get out? Comandeering the playground and pulling the strings at work - apparently there's a few guys (ha! I have a friendly insider who kind of keeps me updated on the goings-on of the trenches) who like me... Get ready friends, I'm taking out the short slim dresses! (Mmmmm, I'm back to 36 and it feels amazingly good! I'm light as afeather again! Wink wink) The winter is officially over and the hunting season about to start.. Sharpen your knives boys and gals!
Qui m'aime me suive!

Weird Thursdays and Freaky Fridays

2011-04-08T12:11:00.002+02:00

As I'm sipping my morning potion and enjoying my free Friday (accompanied by a few words from the latest in the New Yorker), I wonder - what in the name of (whatever) makes me say yes to guys that are so not for me!?

Mmmm, yesterday was an interesting day. For starters, I finally took out my summer Mango dress. Cut my fringe again... put on some pink lipstick... and went to work. The good manners of the French slash immigrants manifested themselves before I even arrived at the bus stop (2 min walk from my door) with a few of the usual comments (type "charmante, charmante", si vous voyez ce que je veux dire). The bus was fuller than usual.. And somehow stinkier, I don't even want to think about what will be going on in the summer. Only 24°C outside, and they're already peeving me out.

(uuuuuu, there's that bbq smell flowing in through the open window.. never mind, my mind is in vacation mode)

So I arrive at work, and P talks more than usual (he's chosen the one day I'm really hungry to talk about food for 15 minutes). I finally get inside, change, and think with a little bit of desperation about the 5,5 hours I have to sit at the reception desk and smile to everyone. S reads me the day's horoscope, and it says something about me being a femme fatale for the day. We laugh it out as usual.
G comes by and winks (I wince internally.. and externally as he leaves... S just laughs.. ugh)

As the day unravels (slower than usual), I somehow live through it. Then, all of a sudden, people start showing up, demanding things, waiting for me to solve their problems and be happy while I do it.
These four guys come in, some kind of workers, and there's this one really tall and baraqué French guy, A, with these amazing eyes who makes me blush like a school girl.. So I somehow manage to register their badges, and send them away. They keep popping by all afternoon for different reasons, and I just try to ignore them, pretend to be really busy and distracted (I'm good at that..). After something like 2 or 3 hours of hottie traffic, he pops by again, and says something about my eyes. I just laugh and say thanks (pfff, diplomacy is soo overrated). They leave, and I feel relieved not to have to deal with the nottie any longer. Hmmm, should have known I'm not that lucky. He comes back and asks for my number. So a couple of things happen in my head simultaneously - the real me screams for help (I really should learn how to say "no" to people), and the other one, the adventurous one, kicks me in the butt and yells at me - "do you want to die an old maid!??", reminding me of my New Year's resolutions and challenges I should finally take on.

So I say "hell" to myself and give my number to the guy.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, because for once I managed to shut down my responsible and calculating (and freakishly controlling) brain, and follow some stupid urge to put on the pink glasses. When I arrive at home, I go all curious (of course!!!) and decide to check out his facebook profile. For one - he's kissing someone who looks like his mom in the profile pic while holding a cigarette in his hand, and believe me, it doesn't look like this or even this. He looks more like a mama's boy, something I really can't stand and run away from as it were some kind of plague. And I also learn something else - he lives like an hour away from Paris! Woof.. So I stay up all night putting together a + and a - list in my head (yikes, grilled fish stink from under my window - too strong a scent to be tempting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shut down that stupid bbq people!) and realize there's nothing in there except for the eyes and body. He's probably too simple to even know who Andy Warhol was (OMG, I came upon someone who didn't know who Andy darling was.. didn't even know he's dead!). Hmmmm, and he sent me a text saying - à très bientôt. Mmmmmmm... Right now, I could compare the feeling to that fish stink outside. For a muggle, I have too strong a magical ability to put myself in weird situations.

There is hope though! I'm going for a drink with a friend tonight and hopefully, will meet someone who ticks away more boxes in my "validation" list. After that - an opening at a gallery. Should be promising. There's only one thing left to figure out - what shoes should I wear? The problem is - I don't have a pair I would like to wear.

Ugh, help!

Wowawiwa

2011-04-05T21:45:00.010+02:00

So it's been a while (again) since I last wrote... I guess these things get periodical with me - amassing information and then - just shooting it all out.

I think I already wrote about having that job at Essilor. My life revolves around two epicentres (ironic how close I am to that image of being trapped between two black holes - the cosmic feeling I described a very long time ago) now. Essilor and another one, a secret one. :) And no - no way I'm telling anything about that one before I have some serious talk material.

Some will also have noticed my infatuation with this guy from work.. Well, I've managed to tune it out now. It might still be somewhere in there, buried deep down below the foundations to the nine gates of hell, but I'm not blushing and saying stupid things anymore, so that's an upgrade. What weirds me out though is that a very nice (old) colleage of mine seems to be doing some lobbying for someone at the same office. I always assumed it was the object of my obsession, but since yesterday, I'm a bit confused... Seems like he's doing the lobbying for someone else altogether, who kinda' asked me out yesterday afternoon (thank God - and I'm still anti-christian - it was over the phone!!!). I kinda' said yes, but since there's nothing tangible yet, I keep hoping he'll forget his promess, like 90% of men I know eventually do. The funny thing is - today he just kept popping by at the reception desk.. And in the four months or so I've been at Essilor, he's never done that... Crap, right? (Crap because he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not my tipe!!!! Never will be either. I just don't give a crap about slow and 'zen' people, and, amazingly, in most cases - they turn out to be of African origin.. what kind of a horrible luck do I have? Ask me an easier question...)

So that's one adventure, and I've got a feeling you'll be hearing about that one again, sometime soon.

Another piece of news is that I'm FINALLY taking a few days off!!! (I've been needing those - saying 'have a good week-end' on Mondays doesn't seem like a sign of being all in there, if you know what I mean) I've been more, not relaxed eaxactly, but less anxious and stressed out (spent two weeks sleeping only 3 hours a day!!!) since mom came to pay a visit a couple of weeks ago. That was a really nice week-end BTW!!! ;) (wink wink and thanks to mom!!!) So I've decided to take some time off now and then for my own good. Overheated brains aren't the best of friends now, are they? So yeah, this Friday I'm taking a day off, and already planned a nice evening with a friend, a happy hour and a gallery opening in the 11th arr. On Saturday will probably go to a few exhibits and then - to the Grandes Serres & la Galerie de l'Evolution at the Jardin des Plantes. Will be showing L something other than art (like says Mr. Cladders - no need to get drunk on art, you can do that at the cafe.. and normal people get hangovers after too much art I guess.. wink to L!). Sunday - a day at the Buttes Chaumont, and a glass at their bar.. So yes, a very easy and relaxing week-end. And the weather should be nice as well.. After that - two weeks of hardcore working, and then again - five days off for my Bday...

For a lighter end of this post and an appropriate intr to the next few you'll be reading from now on, listen to this wonderful song by Deluka (link below) (I want to dance so bad this evening, and probably would be if my friends finally accepted to go somewhere at the last minute! I'm missing the Shoes tonight!!! pffffff loser's lurgy all over the place tonight), and check out instants of freshness from Paris! Including me and my new haircut.. :P

Xoxo

Schoolgirls and schoolboys

2011-01-18T08:23:00.003+01:00

I'm about to set off on my medical stunt (fingers crossed and wish me luck), but before I go, I just had to write this..

Life has taught us several things but nothing is more difficult than getting the right amount of confidence to get out there and cause havoc, get what you want. I'm ont saying I'm lacking confidence or ambition (of that I've got loads), but it isn't easy to harmonize things.

Why am I talking nonsense about life's lessons at 8.30 am? Because since 6.30 am this morning I've been listening to Jessie J on loop.. I know, it's so pop, not exactly Fever Ray, but I read her bio while I was putting my face on and I think she's worth listening to just because she has the guts to go and get what she wants.

I haven't mentioned my NY's resolutions yet, and I think this is the appropriate moment for it. As far as my list goes, this confidence lesson has become the first one. Second - get out there more. Third - drop my hundred walls of hell, let some birds fly over Switzerland. Fourth - launch Cafe Society (more an ambition than resolution). Fifth - move out of Ivry City, be it to Paris 16th or another country. Sixth - let myself surface (that's an outcome of the wall-dropping) and let my freak flag fly. Seventh - suppress fear (in healthy dosage).

Hm, I guess "yes, we can" is obligé here!

Week-end moods

2011-01-15T02:27:00.004+01:00

(If you have trouble seeing the videos slash hearing the music, please click here)

Bonus song (so sorry, the video's just awful, but has the best sound):