My inbox has been absolutely slammed lately with press releases and jargon and all of which point to the fugly and possibly camp new Nike Mercurial Vapor II colourways that have been:

“…designed to the exact specification of Cristiano Ronaldo”

REALLY!? All the money in the world and Nike’s brilliant (now questionable) designers at his fingertips and this is what Cristiano Ronaldo’s “exact specifications” were!?
Please just come out with it already!

A year round tan I can deal with; metrosexuality that makes even David Beckham look like a neanderthal, hey I respect that; LEOPARD PRINT FOOTBALL BOOTS!!!… *Slaps forehead* OK now he’s just taking the piss!

Surely this is a joke right and another pair of boots are going to come shooting out of these images… please let that be the case! If not, these could possibly be theeeeeeeeeee worst boots Nike has ever put it’s slick swoosh on. This is a massive Nike = FAIL moment.

As for CRon… dude, pack your glow sticks, tighty whiteys and leopard print boots and head for the Jersey Shore, there’s no doubt Mike ‘The Situation’ and his crew will be able to accommodate you there; or simply stay in Madrid, I only recently found out it was considered Europe’s gay capital… which actually explains a lot more than just these boots.

On a side note, why is Ronaldo going on Safari in October anyway? Wasn’t everyone else in Africa in June?… I know I was!

Lost in the end of season abyss for the last few months (aka my bosses fist has been so far up my ass I could taste his misses), I’m now back and what better way to return than by coming to you live and full-time from the actual World Cup. On the 16th June myself and my British counterpart Sparky (of Totally Football fame) will be heading to South Africa for two weeks of bullet dodging madness and debauchery of the footballing kind… sound exciting? Well It couldn’t come quick enough and we can’t f*ing wait!

Our ear plugs for those God-forsaken Vuvuzelas and kevlar raincoats are packed!

Oh, and you may have also noticed that the site has undergone a bit of a Beckham-esque type facelift, you know the one where you go in for a massage and leave with a frozen brow. Feel free to leave a comment in the improved comments section or drop me an email if you simply want to tell me how good I am. Go on, you know you want to!

These predictions may be a little late, but they’re up and being the last game of the season ‘n all, I think I could be forgiven. Our friends at Heads or Tails, who have done a remarkable job all year providing us with La Liga predictions suggest that even though the title will stay in Barcelona, they have to be weary of Valladolid who 4 years ago foiled the Blagauruna’s attempts at claiming the title, allowing Madrid to celebrate instead.
Lastly, seeing as none of the other positions have been decided going into the final round, this weekend is definitely going to see some tough battles and possibly even some surprises.

For the last time this season, here’s how they picked the rest of ‘em.

Predictions:
Atletico Madrid 1 v 2 Getafe
Almería 1 v 2 Sevilla
Osasuna 1 v 3 Xerez
Valencia 1 v 2 Tenerife
Malaga 1 v 3 Real Madrid
Barcelona 3 v 1 Valladolid
Athletic Bilbao 3 v 1 Deportivo
Zaragoza 1 v 2 Villarreal
Mallorca 3 v 1 Espanyol
Racing Santander 2 v 0 Sporting Gijón

With the final game week of the season only hours away, all eyes are on two teams… well four if you count their opponents. As for me, I’ve decided to allow my predictions to speak for themselves and for the last time this season, this is how I’ve picked’em.

I predict:
Arsenal 3 v 2 Fulham
Aston Villa 2 v 0 Blackburn
Bolton 1 v 1 Birmingham
Burnley 0 v 3 Tottenham
Chelsea 4 v 1 Wigan
Everton 2 v 1 Portsmouth
Hull City 1 v 1 Liverpool
Man Utd 3 v 0 Stoke City
West Ham 1 v 3 Man City
Wolves 1 v 1 Sunderland

As we prepare for the second last round of the La Liga season, our friends at Heads or Tails claim that Real Madrid are Casillas, Cristiano Ronaldo and 9 other players… and given the Portuguese poster boy’s excellence against a second rate Mallorca, if Sevilla can do the job against Barcelona this weekend, Real might just be in with a sniff at the title. Things are still very alive at the top!

And here’s how he predicted the rest of ‘em.

Predictions:
Sporting Gijón 2 v 1 Atletico Madrid
Sevilla 2 v 1 FC Baracelona
Real Madrid 3 v 1 Athletic Bilbao
Villarreal 3 v 1 Valencia
Xerez 2 v 1 Zaragoza
Getafe 2 v 1 Malaga
Deportivo 1 v 1 Mallorca
Tenerife 2 v 1 Almeria
Valladolid 3 v 1 Racing Santander
Espanyol 1 v 1 Osasuna

As the race for 1st and 4th spot’s heats up, this weekend will see some crucial matches being played… fortunately for me, I’ll be watching them in Europe… so there!

And this is how I picked ‘em this weekend.

I predict:
Birmingham 2 v 1 Burnley
Man City 2 v 2 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 1 v 1 Wolves
Stoke City 1 v 3 Everton
Tottenham 2 v 0 Bolton
Liverpool 1 v 2 Chelsea
Fulham 1 v 0 West Ham
Sunderland 0 v 2 Man Utd
Wigan 3 v 1 Hull City
Blackburn 1 v 3 Arsenal
Fulham 2 v 1 Stoke City
Man City 2 v 1 Tottenham

My Spanish counterpart over at Heads or Tails is claiming that not only did the ‘The Special One’ leave the Camp Nou with a place in the UCL final, he also left Barca down and out for the count, which is perfect for a ready and waiting Villareal this weekend… need I say more!

And here’s how he picked the rest of ‘em:

Predictions:
Deportivo la Coruña 1 v 2 Zaragoza
Espanyol 1 v 2 Valencia
Villarreal 2 v 1 FC Barcelona
Malaga 1 v 0 Sporting Gijón
Valladolid 1 v 1 Getafe
Real Madrid 4 v 1 Osasuna
Sevilla 2 v 0 Atletico Madrid
Xerez 1 v 1 Almeria
Tenerife 2 v 1 Racing Santandar
Athletic Bilbao 3 v 1 Mallorca

After a couple weeks of sloppy punditry and ill timed posts, I have returned to step my game up for the ass end of the season (I’ve always been an ass man)… and what a weekend to pull the finger out for!

Along with battles for the title and relegation shit fights, there has been a huge amount of focus on the much sought after fourth and final Champions League spot that is still up for grabs, amazingly by four teams! My focus this weekend however takes us to Arsenal’s Emirates stadium in what will not only be a battle of the Emirate Arab shirt sponsors, Emirates (Dubai) v Etihad (Abu Dhabi), but also the return of Emmanuel Adebayor to his old stomping ground… aka. Round Two mother f*cker!

After celebrating like a right royal jack-ass when scoring at the Midlands last September, I look forward to seeing how the Togolese bean pole is received by Arsenal fans this weekend (more so than the match itself), however on a footballing front, I fear that the Gunners just won’t be equipped to handle what the Citizens throw at them (possibly spears?) and unless poster-boy Robin van Persie steps up and takes this match by the scruff of the neck with a hat-trick Arsenal could well be pulled into that fourth place show down for the final few rounds of the season and that’ll be tighter than a nun’s nasties!

Here’s how I picked the rest of ‘em:

I predict:
Man Utd 1 v 1 Tottenham
Bolton 2 v 1 Portsmouth
Hull City 1 v 1 Sunderland
West Ham 2 v 2 Wigan
Wolves 1 v 1 Blackburn
Arsenal 2 v 2 Man City
Aston Villa 3 v 2 Birmingham
Burnley 1 v 4 Liverpool
Everton 1 v 0 Fulham
Chelsea 2 v 0 Stoke City

“Mou” is the word across Spain at the moment and after Inter’s mauling of Barcelona in the UCL midweek our amigos at Heads or Tails suggest it may have shown the rest of the footballing world how they can put a stop to the well oiled machine and it’s pint sized star Leo Messi. Next up for the Blaugranes is Xerez although somehow I don’t even think that the arrival of new Argentinian coach Gorosito will even make a difference.

And here’s how they picked the rest of ‘em:

Predictions:
FC Barcelona 3 v 0 Xerez
Zaragoza 1 v 3 Real Madrid
Valencia 3 v 0 Deportivo
Mallorca 2 v 0 Málaga
Sportin Gijón 1 v 1 Valladolid
Racing Santander 1 v 2 Villarreal
Almería 3 v 1 Espanyol
Getafe 1 v 1 Sevilla
Atlético Madrid 2 v 0 Tenerife
Osasuna 3 v 2 Athletic Bilbao

Uh oh, Pellegrinios! Somebody’s in trouble and our amigos at Heads or Tails (along with the rest of the Spanish media) are pointing their fingers at the man in the hot seat. And the question being asked is who will replace him? More importantly though, I ask who would want to replace him? Real Madrid seems to be one of the hardest teams in world football to manage and even if he were to win the title or Champions League, he’d probably still have to watch his back… heck Capello did after winning the title in ’08.

And here’s how they picked the rest of ‘em this mid week:

Predictions:
Almería 1 v 2 Real Madrid
FC Barcelona 4 v 1 Deportivo la Coruña
Sporting Gijón 3 v 1 Tenerife
Getafe 1 v 2 Villarreal
Zaragoza 3 v 2 Mallorca
Valladollid 1 v 2 Sevilla
Racing Santander 1 v 1 Espanyol
Atletico Madrid 3 v 1 Xerez
Osasuna 2 v 1 Malaga
Valencia 3 v 1 Athletic Bilbao

Finally the big kahuna is here! The match that will almost certainly decide the winner of the 2009/10 La Liga season. Our amigos at Heads or Tails say it’s going to be a tough one to call. Sure both teams are kicking arse in their own respective ways with their own superstars, but how can you resist the form of Lionel Messi at the moment or even deny Manuel Pellegrini’s mistakes in big matches so far this season. Whatever the case, this match is set to be the showcase of the weekend so forget measly FA Cup semi-finals or even the rest of the matches taking place this weekend around the world… there is only one games this weekend!

Predictions:
Málaga 1 v 3 Sevilla
Osasuna 3 v 2 Zargoza
Athletic Bilbao 1 v 0 Almeria
Xerez 1 v 1 Getafe
Villarreal 2 v 1 Sporting Gijón
Espanyol 1 v 0 Atlético Madrid
Deportivo 1 v 0 Rácing Santander
Real Madrid 2 v 2 FC Barcelona
Tenerife 2 v 1 Real Valladolid
Mallorca 2 v 1 Valencia

This weekend sees a match that needs little introduction and has become one of the most anticipated across the globe. Whether it be Drogba lying on the ground twitching his leg like he’s having an epileptic fit or controversial late goals by cheating captains, there is never a dull moment when these two teams meet and frankly I don’t see things changing todya… especially with so much riding on the outcome of this match! Rooney’s injury could be a blow to United so late in the season, but Dimitar “I won’t chase the ball for a minimum 150k a week” Berbatov should step and deliver, right?
Err, I doubt it; what I don’t doubt though is Drogba’s return to the squad and his hunger for goals to pull Chelsea over the line and a step closer to the title… something they should of had locked in months ago!
And here’s how I picked the rest of ‘em:

I predict:
Man Utd 1 v 2 Chelsea
Arsenal 2 v 0 Wolves
Bolton 1 v 3 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 1 v 1 Blackburn
Stoke City 2 v 2 Hull City
Sunderland 1 v 3 Tottenham
Burnley 0 v 2 Man City
Birmingham 1 v 1 Liverpool
Fulham 2 v 1 Wigan
Everton 3 v 0 West Ham

While the world awaits the decisive La Liga battle next weekend at the Santiago Bernabéu, our amigo at Heads or Tails talks to us of the new journalistic opportunities he will be pursuing in the crazy and unpredictable world of Spanish sports [Factual.es]. Well done Juan, we look forward to Google translating your articles!
He also mentions the walk-overs that Barca and Real will experience this weekend in preparation for their mammoth battle next week. Look out Bilbao and Racing, this weekend you will be no challenge for The Blaugrana and Los Merengues. And here’s how he picked the rest of ‘em:

Predictions:
Zaragoza 3 v 1 Malaga
FC Barcelona 3 v 0 Athlétic Bilbao
Sevilla 2 v 1 Tenerife
Getafe 3 v 1 Espanyol
Atlético Madrid 1 v 0 Deportivo La Coruña
Racing Santander 1 v 3 Real Madrid
Sporting Gijón 1 v 1 Xerez
Valladolid 1 v 3 Villarreal
Valencia 2 v 1 Osasuna
Almería 2 v 1 Mallorca

I predict:
Lyon 2 v 0 Bordeaux
Bayern 1 v 1 Man. United

Champions League Final 1999:
Up there as one of the greatest finals in Champions League history.
Where did you watch this match?

While I begin to prepare for the week leading up to the match that will most likely decide the La Liga title this year, ie. Real Madrid v Barcelona next weekend, our amigos at Heads or Tails are looking at the now and suggest that perhaps Sevilla may made a critical long term error by only offering Luis Aragonés a contract till the end of the season, when he was actually after some thing a little more long term.
My question is why would you even hesitate about bringing on a European Championship winning coach for 2-3 years and could this decision by the ignorant fools at Sevilla come back to bite them in the behind? I’m not sure about that, what I am sure of though are their predictions for this weekend.

Predictions:
Mallorca 1 v 2 FC barcelona
Real Madrid 2 v 1 Atletico Madrid
Málaga 3 v 1 Tenrife
Osasuna 2 v 1 Almeria
Espanyol 1 v 1 Sporting Gijón
Zaragoza 1 v 2 Valencia
Xerez 1 v 1 Valladolid
Deportivo La Coruna 1 v 1 Getafe
Athletic Bilbao 2 v 1 Racing Santander
Villarreal 2 v 1 Sevilla