Passing It On http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/ A site dedicated to preserving, celebrating and sharing family and personal history. en-US 2010-07-07T10:50:34-05:00 Jessie’s journal: July 1-6, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/07/jessies-journal-july-16-1959.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (4). Another daughter Phyllis (35) lives in Pasadena California, with her husband, Don Lidikay (42). Also mentioned are their oldest son, Walter (referred to as Jack or Jack L., age 38), his wife Elsie (36), Harry’s brother Warren (64), Harry and Jessie’s youngest child, Calvin (30), Miss Morton (Harry’s nurse) and many of their friends.

July 1, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “Daddy is so weak. Several times he had weak spells – sweating, fast pulse. I stayed in his room all nite, made a bed on 3 chairs, dozed some. … Miss Morton came in, looked at him, told me to use the other bed as long as no one is in it. I hate to. The night nurse asked me why I didn’t. … Jack L. was here for a while. Daddy got his intravenous. Agnes left 3:30, Daddy woke up. Jack L. asked how are you. Daddy said ‘Alright,’ so weakly, just a whisper. He has tried to kiss me several times.”

July 2, 1959 (Thursday)
    “This is the saddest day of my life. My Harry went to his heavenly home. I can’t even write. He passed away at 5:43 p.m. He went so easy so God has answered all our prayers. That has been my every prayer – that he would be merciful, make it easy for him. Jack, Agnes, Calvin & Opal were there most all day. The boys went to work, not knowing it was so soon. Agnes, Mr. Greiss and Linda was with us. Jack G. came in, Jack L. just when he drew his last breath. I got to hold him in my arms to the last, and then I hated to leave him. Part of me has gone with my darling, if I could have gone along with him.”

July 3, 1959 (Friday)
    “Almost 11 p.m. I am going to stay with Agnes again. Thot Phyllis might get home, not until Sunday morning. We went up to Meyer Funeral Home 9:30, made arrangements for funeral. The children all went with me. We have decided on Monday, 2 p.m. Calvin and Opal came and cleaned my house all over. Calvin was so good, scrubbed and waxed kitchen floor. I can’t think, everything is so hazy. We took Daddy’s clothes up to funeral home, we got to see him tonight. He looks so good. We are surprised because he had lost so much weight. He looks so natural, almost a smile, so peaceful. We have his glasses on, that looks so natural. We went up for about 2 hours, stayed. I still hate to leave him. I am so tired, sleepy. My legs have a funny feeling. I slept good last night, hope I do tonite. When I woke up this morning, it came to me. Daddy is gone.”

July 4, 1959 (Saturday)
    “10:25 p.m. I am staying with Agnes again. All of us went up to funeral home, Ray came up. I just can’t leave my darling. I sat by his side tonite, thinking back 40 years ago this summer when we first met, our good times we had thru our marriage. As years passed, the children came along, our happiness, hard times, troubles, all brought us closer together. The sickness, death of loved ones, always each other to lean upon. So God has certainly blessed us, even tho we may not have deserved it at times. So now God has taken my loved one home and I am left alone. I know he will take care of me as he has these past weeks. The children have been with me all day. Phyllis should be in about 4 o’clock, we are going after her about 6:30. Calvin is 30 years old today. Rained during the night.”

July 5, 1959 (Sunday)
    “Another day. So lonely without my darling. We went over to the Union Station, got Phyllis. She has to leave Monday nite, would love to have her stay longer. Agnes doesn’t feel good. Everyone is so tired and weary. The neighbors have been so thoughtful and our friends, bringing in food. We all went to funeral home again, stayed until 9 p.m. So hard to leave. I want to go, be with my Daddy so much. I still feel if God will take me home, I am ready. Phyllis will be with me tonite. Charlie & Eva Taylor came down after we left Meyers Chapel. Mr. & Mrs. Steve Buck. It was late. We appreciate their calling.”

July 6, 1959 (Monday)
    “This was a sad day, such a heart-breaking one. We laid our Daddy to rest. It was so hard, no one will ever know until they experience it. My heart is so heavy and burdened. Oh dear God, help me, give me strength to go on. I just hope the Lord will call me home. I had a Western Union draft from Warren for $10. I can use it any way I want. May use it for myself. I am short of money. I have $17.60 for cancer fund. Doris & Roy Smelser came this eve, Don & Emma Lou McMullen, Donna Thompsen & daughter from North Bend. Daddy’s check came, it had to be returned. I needed it badly. I was sick thru the nite, have done fine until now so thank God for it all.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-07-07T10:50:34-05:00 Jessie’s journal: June 23-29, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/jessies-journal-june-2329-1959.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (4). Also mentioned are their oldest son, Walter (referred to as Jack L., age 38), Harry and Jessie’s granddaughter Debbie, the daughter of their youngest child, Calvin (29) and his wife, Opal, Mrs. Waugh (a neighbor), Miss Miller (one of Harry’s nurses), Rev. Miller (their pastor), Verle Green (a friend.).

June 23, 1959 (Tuesday)
    “Daddy has been asleep most all day, couldn’t get him to eat. 2 glasses of milk, a few bites of creamed potatoes, a few spoons of soup. It was so salty he wouldn’t take it. A little ice cream. No breakfast or lunch, he just can’t swallow at times. The nurse told me he is failing. God bless him. He knew me, Jack L. Mrs. Waugh came this afternoon. He acted as tho he might know her, didn’t say anything. In fact, he just doesn’t talk.”

June 24, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “It was 9:10 when I left the hospital tonite. Had to wait for the nurse to come in and turn Daddy, get him fixed for the night. He has been quiet, slept most all day. He knew me when I got there, wanted to kiss me. The maid helped him raise his arm, he put it around me. God bless him. He is so precious.”

June 25, 1959 (Thursday)
    “Opal came over tonite, I was so glad. I ate breakfast and lunch with Agnes, went uptown to get my gas bill straightened out. I read the meter wrong, was $5.13 instead of $12,74. I got birthday cards for Debbie & Jackie, gave each one a dollar. Warm today [Hi: 93]. I have a.c. going. Guess I will be alone tonight, stayed alone last nite. Agnes had me over for ice cream & cake. Jackie is 4 years old today. I washed my hair. Agnes put it up for me.”

June 26, 1959 (Friday)
    “It was hard leaving my darling tonite. He was awake, just got him turned on his left side, all set for awhile. He is getting weaker, just refuses to eat, only a few sips of liquids. The nurse said his time is short, they are not going to feed him through the veins. He knew me all day. At noon when I went in he was awake. For almost 2 hours he kept his arm around me or had it on my head. Patted my face, pulled me down, kissed my cheek. So hard to know he is going to leave me, I won’t have him near where I can feel his touch and kisses. Oh God, help me.”

June 27, 1959 (Saturday)
    “I left hospital at 8:45. Daddy has been quiet and sleeping all day, first time he hasn’t recognized me.  I was with him all day. He did take a little liquid. I bathed him. Oh, how I love waiting on him. … I have had a sinus headache, sorta dizy. Hope I get over it. Just can’t get down.”

June 28, 1959 (Sunday)
    “I got to the hospital at 8:45. Daddy isn’t so good, doesn’t recognize me. I gave him his bath. Calvin, Jack & Debbie was here, Calvin shaved him. Daddy took a turn for the worse. Color bad, pulse 130, he stopped breathing for about 30 seconds. Miss Miller asked me to stay all nite. They fixed a bed for me in consultation room, gave me my supper tray. I had the children call Pastor Miller. He came over after 10 p.m. Jack & Agnes got here about 6 p.m. Daddy isn’t taking anything. His mouth is so dry. A sad day.”

June 29, 1959 (Monday)
    “Daddy still the same, no response at all. He hasn’t recognized me. They gave him 500cc water & dextrose IV this a.m. When they irrigated his catheter last nite, pure blood came thru. He was in lots of pain this a.m. when they irrigated it so they gave him hypo for pain. He has some bladder irritation so it doesn’t drain free, clots form, causes pain. Starting yesterday they turn him every 2 hours and rub his back. We have kept his back in good shape. A couple of spots, starting of sores. … Verle Green was here. Daddy seemed to know him, tried to hold out his hand, so he was awake. Knew Agnes, kissed her. The nurse came after me. I was so happy, first time since Friday he knew me. His big eyes looked so sweet. He puckered up his lips, kissed me weak but he tried to put his arm around me. When he did with help, he patted me. Took his left hand, patted my face & head. He was awake until 1 a.m. I asked him if anything hurt him, he shook his head no. God bless him. He is so peaceful.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-30T13:37:14-05:00 Jessie’s journal: June 16-22, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/jessies-journal-june-1622-1959.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (3). Another daughter Phyllis (35) lives in Pasadena California, with her husband, Don Lidikay (42). Also mentioned are their oldest son, Walter (referred to as Jack L., age 38), Mr. Wolmer (a neighbor) and Miss Miller (one of Harry’s nurses).

June 16, 1959 (Tuesday)
    “Sure did hate to leave Daddy, He isn’t so good today. So weak, doesn’t look good, hadn’t ate anything all day. I fed him tonite. He had a bowl of soup, mashed potatoes and gravy, coffee. Put some roll in coffee, he liked that. He had been trying to vomit but up till I left, he still kept his supper down. God bless him.”

June 17, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “Daddy isn’t good, was sick to his stomach. They gave him a shot, which helped, but made him sleep and he was groggy. He isn’t eating, is so weak, hard for him to move around. They gave him an enema, no results. I only got a few spoons of soup down for supper. He was getting restless before I left so I told Miss Miller. She gave him another shot. So pitiful to see him lay there. He was asleep so I came home. Dear God, be merciful and make it easy for him. … I don’t think Daddy knew any of us today.”

June 18, 1959 (Thursday)
    “Daddy was better today. He was awake when I went in (1 p.m.), knew all of us. He said ‘Hi Jack’ to Jack L. Agnes was over, he knew her. Mr. Wolmer stopped in for a few minutes. He knew him, hard to get the words out. He was awake most of the afternoon, couldn’t swallow too well tonite when he ate his supper. I hate to leave him, so dear God, take care of him. I got his check this a.m., $102. I banked $72, kept $30. I had to get some pills for my back. Hated to do it, have to keep going.”

June 19, 1959 (Friday)
    “Daddy is so quiet, just sleeps, so weak, hasn’t ate all day. I got him to take ½ glass of milk, nurse said he had a glass of apricot juice, but spit some of it up. … He seems worse to me. I had to give up feeding him his supper.”

June 20, 1959 (Saturday)
    “I left the hospital at 8:50. Wanted to wait until the nurses came in and turned Daddy. He had laid on his right side for 4½ hours He can’t turn by his self. He was awake when I got there before 1 p.m., stayed awake until about 3 p.m. He knew me today. He put his hand on my head and arm, kissed my cheek, looked at me so sweet. Tried to talk, I couldn’t hear him. The children here sent him a beautiful bouquet of carnations – pink, white and red, white snapdragons – for Fathers Day. I showed him the flowers, he looked at them. I told him they were from the children, he took it all in. Had a letter from Phyllis. She said kiss him & hug him for her, tell him she loved him. I did. He said, ‘yeah.’ God bless him.”

June 21, 1959 (Sunday)
    “Daddy has been awake some, knew me when I went in at noon. Rested a lot, breathes so irregular, can’t hardly see him at times, gives you a scare. They said he ate a good dinner, only a bowl of soup, ½ glass milk tonite. He is quivering a lot.”

June 22, 1959 (Monday)
    “I left hospital at 8:40, hated to go. Daddy gave me a scare. He got to shaking so bad, breathing so hard and cold sweat. I called the nurse, he settled down, was alright after that. He vomited this a.m., nurse said it was brown & red. So sick. They gave him a shot for sick stomach, isn’t eating hardly anything, not much liquids. God bless him, he knew me at noon. … I cleaned dining room window & shade, put up my clean drapes. They look nice. I can’t see any use cleaning the house without my Daddy here. I ate lunch with Agnes, she isn’t feeling good. Poor girl.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-23T14:10:26-05:00 What you think depends on which ‘facts’ you use http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/what-you-think-depends-on-which-facts-you-use.html How accurate is your family history? Do the facts support the stories? How can you be sure? Most people who pursue their family history draw conclusions and form opinions based on the facts they discover. But history is more complex... How accurate is your family history? Do the facts support the stories? How can you be sure?

Most people who pursue their family history draw conclusions and form opinions based on the facts they discover. But history is more complex than that. Undiscovered (or ignored) facts may be even more important than those we acknowledge.

A weekend story in the Cincinnati Enquirer reminds us of how history can be molded around a selective set of facts.

The story written by talk show host and author Tavis Smiley previewed an exhibition that Smiley is bringing to Cincinnati, “America I AM: The African American Imprint.” Smiley describes it as “the largest comprehensive representation of the economic, socio-political, cultural and spiritual contributions made by African-Americans to this nation over 500 years ago.”

Among the items on display, Smiley wrote, are costumes worn by musicians Michael Jackson and Jimi Hendrix and “the original typewriter Alex Haley used to write his world-renowned historical novel ‘Roots’.”

At least one reader took issue with the importance of the exhibit with this comment: “What a ‘life-stirring’ experience awaits me! The typewriter that Alex Haley used to fantasized (sic) Roots and pass it off as real history. Paraphernalia from drug addicts like Jimmie (sic) Hendrix and Michael Jackson.”

That comment obviously reflects an alternate point of view of the three people mentioned based on a separate set of facts. I think, too, that it shows what a slippery slope it is to use “facts” of popular culture to form opinions. Much of what we know about public figures is, at best, filtered through proponents and opponents and, at worst, is pure fiction.

Nevertheless, it’s what most of us do – taking what we think we know and placing it in some sort of context that suits our own purposes. Most of us are capable of doing better. We could be more skeptical, asking ourselves where does this come from and what does it really mean? It’s something good reporters do all the time – a quest for contrary information. Do ALL the facts (or at least as many as you can find) support your conclusions?

In a family history project we’re usually so grateful to uncover any verifiable information about a family member that we pause to reflect on our good fortune instead of pressing on to learn even more. We should work hard to change that.

Writing prompt for the day: Identify something or someone in your family history that you’d like to learn more about and start digging for additional information that will help you form a more accurate and detailed conclusion.

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-21T13:34:09-05:00 Jessie’s journal: June 9-15, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/jessies-journal-june-915-1959-.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (3). Also mentioned are Harry’s brother Warren (64), Dr. McDermott (Harry’s doctor), Francis Anderson and Matt Trottner (friends) and Mr. Smith (Harry’s hospital roommate).

June 9, 1959 (Tuesday)
    “I left hospital at 8:30. Dr. McDermott was on the floor so the nurses got me out of his way. Daddy has been resting so comfortable ever since I got there. He had an enema. His bed is clean, it’s usually a mess. … Francis Anderson was up to see him, Daddy didn’t know him. Matt Trottner was there, Daddy knew him. Agnes came over this evening. At first Daddy wasn’t awake enough to see her, before she left he said ‘I know you.’ He said to me, ‘Don’t sell the house.’ I don’t know if he knew what he was saying or not. He is so sweet.”

June 10, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “9:50 p.m. Left hospital about 8:40. They came in to get Daddy ready for bed. He is better today, said so many things. Told me he wanted to go to the toilet, even got up out of his chair. We cranked up the bed. He looks better, ate better. Dear God, just take over. If it is thy will, heal him.”

June 11, 1959 (Thursday)
    “I slept good last nite, hope I do tonite. My back feels better but my chest is awful sore. Have been taking a couple of pain pills at nite.”

June 12, 1959 (Friday)
    “9:25 p.m. I left hospital at 8:45, got my darling settled for the night. … When I left tonite he said ‘I am going with you.’ Dear God, I wish he could.”

June 13, 1959 (Saturday)
    “9:35 p.m. I left the hospital at 9 p.m. My dear had a bad nite. Fell out of bed, cut his head over his right eye, bruised his nose. Took 2 stitches in forehead. He was sick to his stomach and vomiting. They took the catheter out. Mrs. Kobey, head nurse today, called me, wanted to know if I could come over, which I was happy to do. I got over about 9:20, gave him his bath, helped the nurse aide make his bed. I fed him his lunch, he kept it down, and his supper down. Has been resting good all day. He seems to be perfectly content when I am there. The nurses told Dr. McDermott he could jump on them, lay off me, so he didn’t say anything to me.”

June 14, 1959 (Sunday)
    “I left hospital at 8:40, got there at 9 a.m. Daddy has been real good all day. I bathed him. He sat up quite a while, ate a good lunch, also a good supper. Dr. McDermott came in around noon, took off the bandage. They took 4 stitches. He almost has a black eye. Must have hit his eye on bed when he fell.”

June 15, 1959 (Monday)
    “I left hospital at 8:45. Daddy was asleep, has been quiet all day. Had a good night. Mr. Smith said he ate a good dinner. Poor dear. His right eye is so bruised, looks terrible. … Warren hated to tell him goodbye. … I just live for the time to go to the hospital to see my Daddy. I sent car insurance away today for another 6 months. Warren is leaving in the morning.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-17T10:33:47-05:00 Five We Like: Another week of family history goodies http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/five-we-like-another-week-of-family-history-goodies.html There’s a lot of good family history information available on the Internet. Here are five places we’ve enjoyed visiting recently: Abraham Lincoln Family Heirlooms from Last Male Descendent. Jewelry, White House china, rare autographs and other ephemera passed from Abraham...

There’s a lot of good family history information available on the Internet. Here are five places we’ve enjoyed visiting recently:

Abraham Lincoln Family Heirlooms from Last Male Descendent. Jewelry, White House china, rare autographs and other ephemera passed from Abraham Lincoln’s family line to the last male descendent, Robert Todd Lincoln Beckwith, who did in 1985, went on the auction block today at Cowan’s Auction in Cincinnati, Ohio, along with an archive detailing Mary Todd Lincoln’s 1875 arrest and incarceration for insanity.

Elmwood family receives medal of honor. Read about the extraordinary life of Dr. Grace E. “Betty” Clements of Elmwood, Nebraska, one of the few women to train as a bomber pilot in the Army Air Force during World War II who went on to become a neurologist after the war. Her family was presented the Congressional Gold Medal recently.

Unclaimed Kin in Los Angeles Piling Up. One of the downsides of “the Great Recession” is the growth in the number of unclaimed bodies in county coroners’ offices. In Los Angeles, where unclaimed bodies are being cremated at the rate of more than 20 a week, the coroner’s list is rapidly approaching the 5,000 mark.

Tracing Your Genealogy. The Onion offers up its own satirical view of genealogy in an article that’s not that far removed from reality. Enjoy!

Living history: Bressler photographs social documentary. After graduating from high school in Kansas in 1995, Nate Bressler hit the road, photographing the people he encountered on the way. Check out his remarkable work.

Remember, too, to check out my Life in the Slow Lane blog. This week, I write about our plan to get rid of 100s of books.

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

Flickr photo courtesy of bof1391

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-11T12:01:52-05:00 No funeral service, no headstone … can these be good things? http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/no-funeral-service-no-headstone-can-these-be-good-things-1.html Oak Tree Originally uploaded by di_the_huntressA friend died recently. At his request, there were no services of any kind. Since he left his body to a medical school, there is no gravesite to visit. We weren’t close friends, but I...
Oak Tree
Originally uploaded by di_the_huntressA friend died recently. At his request, there were no services of any kind. Since he left his body to a medical school, there is no gravesite to visit.

We weren’t close friends, but I greatly enjoyed his company during the times we did share. I knew him for about 30 years, but there was nearly a half-century of his life before that, a life I knew little about. This was made clear in the newspaper obituary that announced his death. I always found him to be an interesting person, but the details in the obituary made him even more interesting than I had imagined. I looked forward to learning more about him when friends and family would gather to celebrate his life.

Sadly, I never had that opportunity … and I feel cheated. While I totally respect his right to leave this planet in any way he chose, I wish he had chosen another path. Funerals, visitations, wakes and memorial services are as much for the grieving as they are for the departed. I almost always leave such inherently sad occasions feeling even closer to the person being honored. I regret that I never had the chance to share stories about my friend.

It is with some irony that the newspaper at which both my friend and I worked as editors recently carried an article headlined “Green to the grave is a growing trend.” This trend includes some folks who opt for natural burials, using rocks and trees instead of traditional headstones. While this practice is, indeed, more natural, I wonder how future family historians will react to finding great grandma under an oak tree instead of beneath a neatly engraved headstone.

No services, no headstones. How do you suppose either of these affects a person’s long-term legacy?
]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-09T22:25:53-05:00 Jessie’s journal: June 3-8, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/jessies-journal-june-38-1959.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (3). Also mentioned are Harry’s brother Warren (64), Dr. McDermott and Dr. Muehlig (Harry’s doctors), and Mr. Smith, another patient in Harry’s hospital room.

June 3, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “I left hospital at 9 p.m., stopped to see Agnes. I hate to leave Daddy, hurts so. Wish I could be with him all the time. He looks at me so pitiful. He is the same, did have a bad headache this p.m. Nurse gave him a pill, made him sick. Didn’t vomit, tho. He got his sick pay – $102. He was able to sign it, hope it goes thru alright. … Mr. Smith said Daddy got out of bed last nite. He was sick, vomited all over. They cleaned him up, put him back to bed. He was alright. God bless him and watch over him.”

June 5, 1959 (Friday)
    “9:45 p.m. I have been home for a while, just got my bed made. Oh so lonely without Harry. I left the hospital at 8:45, he was awake. Was sorta dopey all day. Woke up good after Agnes came, talked more then. Dr. McDermott said he wanted me to stop coming except for visiting hours. I am going to talk to Dr. Muehlig, see if I can’t come as I have been and feed him. The nurses don’t have the time to spend with him and I have.”

June 6, 1959 (Saturday)
    “10 p.m. I left the hospital at 8:35, afraid McDermott might come in. I seen Dr. Muehlig. He said he couldn’t do much as far as me staying at the hospital as McDermott was in charge. So it will be regular visiting hours for me from now on. He did say I could bring Daddy home, a lot to consider. Will have to think it over.”

June 7, 1959 (Sunday)
    “9:30. I left the hospital early again so McDermott wouldn’t catch me. Daddy isn’t so good today. He pulled the tube out of his bladder last night, must have laid in the mess all day. Bed soaked, such an odor. They cleaned him up when I got there after 4 p.m. They inserted another catheter. It gave him relief as well as keeping his bed dry. He vomited, nurse gave him a hypo so he relaxed. Bless his heart. He is so helpless. … I had a flat tire this a.m., took it to filling station. Couldn’t find anything wrong.”

June 8, 1959 (Monday)

    “I planted some gladiolus bulbs. Late, but maybe they will bloom. Warren and I had dinner at Burlington Depot.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-09T09:40:06-05:00 No funeral service, no headstone … can these be good things? http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/no-funeral-service-no-headstone-can-these-be-good-things.html A friend died recently. At his request, there were no services of any kind. Since he left his body to a medical school, there is no gravesite to visit. We weren’t close friends, but I greatly enjoyed his company during...

A friend died recently. At his request, there were no services of any kind. Since he left his body to a medical school, there is no gravesite to visit.

We weren’t close friends, but I greatly enjoyed his company during the times we did share. I knew him for about 30 years, but there was nearly a half-century of his life before that, a life I knew little about. This was made clear in the newspaper obituary that announced his death. I always found him to be an interesting person, but the details in the obituary made him even more interesting than I had imagined. I looked forward to learning more about him when friends and family would gather to celebrate his life.

Sadly, I never had that opportunity … and I feel cheated. While I totally respect his right to leave this planet in any way he chose, I wish he had chosen another path. Funerals, visitations, wakes and memorial services are as much for the grieving as they are for the departed. I almost always leave such inherently sad occasions feeling even closer to the person being honored. I regret that I never had the chance to share stories about my friend.

It is with some irony that the newspaper at which both my friend and I worked as editors recently carried an article headlined “Green to the grave is a growing trend.” This trend includes some folks who opt for natural burials, using rocks and trees instead of traditional headstones. While this practice is, indeed, more natural, I wonder how future family historians will react to finding great grandma under an oak tree instead of beneath a neatly engraved headstone.

No services, no headstones. How do you suppose either of these affects a person’s long-term legacy?

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

Flickr photo courtesy of di_the_huntress

]]> Larry Lehmer 2010-06-07T10:06:30-05:00 Jessie’s journal: May 27-June 1, 1959 http://whenwordsmatter.typepad.com/passing_it_on/2010/06/jessies-journal-may-27june-1-1959.html Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here. Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay... Here is another posting from my grandmother Jessie Lehmer’s 1959 journal. Jessie kept her journal for at least 29 years. You can find the first post in this series here.

Jessie (age 57) is recovering from a lengthy hospital stay for a sore back and has yet to return to her job at Kilpatrick’s Department store in Omaha. Her husband Harry (age 60, who she refers to as Daddy), a boilermaker’s helper at Union Pacific Railroad in Omaha, was recently hospitalized with a serious illness.

Other people mentioned this week include Harry and Jessie’s daughter, Agnes Grosvenor (37), who lives across the street with her husband, Jack Grosvenor (40) and their three children – Judy (18), Linda (16) and Jackie (3). Also mentioned are Harry’s brothers Warren (64) and Ray (58) and Jessie’s grandson Mike (8), the son of their youngest child, Calvin (29), Rev. Miller (their pastor), George Tomes (friend) and Boh Tomes, a co-worker of Jessie’s at Kilpatrick’s.

May 27, 1959 (Wednesday)
    “9:50 p.m. I left hospital at 9 o’clock. Daddy was resting good. Dear God, may he sleep and be comfortable through the night. He seems weaker today, just sleeps. Ate fair, God bless him.”

May 28, 1959 (Thursday)
    “20 minutes of ten. I left the hospital at 9 p.m. Daddy was all settled. The nurse took out the stitches, gave him a hypo to sleep. I kissed him goodnight, told him I wish I could stay with him. He said ‘crawl in.’ God bless him. I told him I would see him in the morning. He said ‘Are you going to work?’ I said no, I am going to take care of you, then go to work. He said ‘Oh.’ Dear God, you have the power to give life and take life and if it is thy will, heal him. Thy will be done Lord.”

May 30, 1959 (Saturday)
    “9:40 p.m. I left hospital about 9 o’clock. Daddy was awake, the nurse was restraining him, hate to see it. Last night he tried to get out of bed. They had a heavy strap on his poor ankle. She took it off when I got there. He is good when I am there, was more alert after our minister Mr. Miller came this afternoon. I was so glad to see him.”

May 31, 1959 (Sunday)
    “It is late, 11:30. When I got home from the hospital, a surprise – Warren was over at Agnes’s. I was stunned when I seen him. Didn’t seem right without Daddy around.”

June 1, 1959 (Monday)
    “Daddy seems to be about the same – sorta groggy. He ate a good supper, vomited a little. Maybe I pushed him too much. He sat up twice today, didn’t care whether he did or not. He had lots of company. Calvin, Mike, Ray, Warren, Boh & George. He knew Warren this morning, said ‘I’ll be darned.’ I had a letter from Fern Orrell. She had heard about Daddy and will be seeing us in July, maybe. Agnes feels terrible. I hate it so bad. Poor kid, she has such a hard time. Wish Jack would get to come home.”

Larry Lehmer is a professional personal historian and chief legacy planner at When Words Matter, Ltd., who connects generations through their stories. To learn more, visit his web site, send him an e-mail or follow him on Twitter.

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