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Most of these decisions get answered easily, via habits and systems. You try a few different routes from point A to point B, then you know which one to take given the current time and day. A small learning phase, then you refine your choice, and it becomes a habit, no worry or willpower required anymore. You’re an expert at choosing the best itinerary home.

This mechanism of testing, refining and creating habits allows you to make 99% of your decisions without conscious thought.

But what of the big decisions?

Tackling big(ger) decisions

When you’re thinking about a big purchase or a change in your relationship status, whether starting a new one or changing the course of a current one, relying on unconscious behaviors is usually not the best option.
Believing you can make a purely objective decision is kinda foolish (unless you’re a sentient robot, in which case, I’d love to hear from you!).

Some people are controlled by their fears and past experiences and don’t even realize it.
But if you want to make the best decision, then you need to understand how you are influenced by emotions and past behaviors.

Spending money

Let’s say you are considering a big investment, whether it’s an expansion for your business, a training, or hiring a coach to help you reach your goals.

All your past experiences and beliefs about money will come to the surface: Is it worth it? Will I make the most of the situation? Will I be able to get enough return over investment to justify doing it? Will I fail miserably? What if it doesn’t work, will I just be into more debt? Will I get screwed or taken advantage of? Isn’t it better to wait until I’m 100% sure it’s worth it?

All these questions are valid questions. They’re also rooted in fear.
But that fear is part of you and its job is to protect you from dangerous and harmful behaviors. The current situation, in most cases, is fine, as in, you can survive in it (as you have done in the past). But change, oh, change is scary.

When these questions and worries come up, do not try to escape them.
Instead, answer them: It looks like it’s worth it, or I wouldn’t consider it. I’ll do my best to make the most of it. Estimates point to good ROI. Of course, I might fail, but there’s a good chance I’ll succeed, and even if I fail, it’s not gonna be the end of the world. Maybe I’ll have to take more debt, but it will be good debt, that is serving my goal and improving my business. Of course, I might be taken advantage of, but when I make a conscious decision, it’s highly unlikely. There is no way, ever, to be 100% sure of the results of any action that’s worth doing, I probably shouldn’t let it stop me from working towards my dreams.

Answering these fears doesn’t mean that you should do any and all actions that you consider, but it will help you to not be controlled by your emotions.

Getting in bed with someone

Whether it’s literal or not, getting in bed with someone is a commitment that requires exposing yourself and trusting someone else enough to depend on them.

A very similar set of questions will arise, and you will need to address them appropriately.
But while money circulate, can be lost and acquired somewhat easily, a relationship with someone requires stronger commitment, and in many cases will be life-changing.

A little voice inside you might ask “You’re going out with this dumb*ss? Are you crazy? There’s way better out there!” or “You’re paying HOW MUCH for coaching? Who’s this guy? Can’t you simply read a couple books and get off your ass?”. If it’s not the little voice, it might be your friends or colleagues.
Observe these questions, observe the emotions that create them. Fear, fear of failing, fear of disappointment, or simply self-esteem problems. Identify where it comes from, it will help you ease the pressure and make a more informed decision.

In the end, it’s all in your gut

Your gut might tell you to go for it, or it might tell you to pass. The problem is that fear is also in the gut, so it makes it tricky to distinguish fear trying to protect you from failure and disappointment and a genuine feeling that some path is right or wrong for you in your current situation.
I find the trick is to address all possible sources of fear first, be aware of them, clear them with EFT or some other method if possible, and when fear is handled, let whatever emotion underneath to express itself.
Imagine each path in succession.
If you feel an expansion and excitement at possibilities, go for it. If you feel constriction and dread, just say no and move on.

So, is it time for you to say no, or to go all in?
Answer in the comments below.

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Why we help people

We help people because we think we know better, we think we can do it better than them, and ultimately, we help because we believe they need our help.
But it’s only one side of the story, the other is that helping makes us feel better. We might feel needed, we might feel we make a difference in the world, and that makes us feel good.
But if doing an action to help actually make us feel better, then maybe, just maybe, we might be helping more for ourselves than for those we “help”.

Why we should help

Helping is good, it makes us feel better, it makes great adventures possible, it creates a sense of belonging and community.
And if someone asks for and needs your help and you feel like giving it, then definitely help. Help without expectation of reciprocity, help because you want to.
And you’ll both be better for it.

Why we shouldn’t help

Sometimes you will want to do something in place of someone else, because they don’t know how to do it, or because you know how to do it better. And they may even ask you to help.
But doing it in their place will result in two things: stagnation and resentment.
Stagnation because you’re robbing the person the opportunity to learn and get better, and in the meantime you’re not working on something that would challenge you, so you’re not learning either.
Resentment because you might feel like you shouldn’t have to do that, and why can’t they do it properly. And from the other side, at one point they will resent the fact that you wouldn’t push them to learn how to do it themselves.

Learning and learning experiences are a huge part of this life on earth, and while we can be taught skills and facts, true learning comes from inside, doing something and experiencing life.

If helping someone means robbing them of the experience of learning, then that’s not helping.

A fine line

Don’t get away from this article thinking that you shouldn’t help homeless people on the streets because otherwise they won’t learn. Basic needs have to be fulfilled, and when someone can’t fulfill them (whether it’s because of physical or emotional trauma), then it’s important to step up and help.
But helping people survive and helping people grow are different things. Sometimes helping means challenging someone. But it’s not enough to say “why don’t you get a job?” or “I challenge you to make a million dollars” to someone living on the streets (or on unemployment for a long time). If they see no possible way to achieve that, then it’s not helping at all, on the contrary, it will increase the feelings of helplessness.

In order to truly help someone, show them a challenge that’s just outside their comfort zone and help them see that they can actually accomplish it.

Next time you want to help someone, make sure you’re helping the right way, and for the right reasons.

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Does it feel like it’s too difficult?

The drive to blend in

Humans are social creatures. From the beginning of times we’ve been living in tribes.
Without the tribe, you’d have no one to watch your back, and it would likely result in violent death.
While some people think our times are times of selfishness and egocentrism, the truth is, without the infrastructure provided by society, most people would not survive.
We need others for survival. It was true then, it is true now.

If that doesn’t convince you, just look at babies. Without an adult taking care of them, babies would die. And while reliance on others decrease as we age, the limbic brain (responsible for our emotions) still associate being rejected, or outside of our tribe as dangerous or even imminent death.

No wonder we want to blend in. Even if it means hiding who we truly are.

The desire for more

Who doesn’t have big dreams of changing the world?
Being a hero, righting the wrongs, simply making a difference.
No one has ever made a difference by staying hidden.
You may be afraid to be seen, but the truth is you want to. You want to be recognized, you want to achieve your dreams, and you want to make an impact that you can be proud of.

Are you one of us?

Society and tribes have a strong biais towards wanting you to be a team player, sacrificing your desires for the needs of the group. Any hint of wanting to be different or change the way it is will be seen as a threat to the survival of the group.
So the tribe will exert social pressure to prevent you from trying to change the status quo, which prevents you from being all you can be.
If you want to create something different or make an impact on the world, it’s most likely that your tribe (family, colleagues, friends) will resist that. It can be by straight-up telling you you can’t, hitting you on the head, or simply finding flaws in your reasoning or plans in order to “protect you” from disappointment or failure.

Only the bold creates breakthroughs

While society doesn’t like outliers, it needs courageous people to step up, lead and be the change. When you act differently, there will be resistance, but once people realize there is no stopping you, then (and only then), you will start getting followers, being embraced and supported.

But first, you need to stand out, do what matters to you, commit to be the change, whether or not you’re supported. And you will.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
– Attributed to Mahatma Gandhi

How can you stand out today?

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He’s easy to spot: walks with his headphones on, sings when no one’s listening, most likely plays an instrument, and has posters of bands all over his walls.

Let’s say you are a person (a parent, a sibling, a friend, a boss, a.. god?) with the power to grant him wishes, it’s easy to know that he’ll want more music in his life (if that’s even possible).

His life is a statement to what he lives and wants. So you simply look at his life and decide to grant him his wish: “here, have more music in your life, enjoy, dear”. What he wants is what he spends his energy on. Pretty straightforward.

Now let’s talk about that friend, the one who’s unhappy, always complaining about his job, or his relationship (or lack thereof) or anything else for that matter. What does he want? More of his unfulfilling life?
You’d probably disagree, he most certainly does not want that. But who are you to judge whether his life choices are good for him or not? After all, he chose to fill his life with complaining and unfulfilling (so he implies) activities and relationships. He chose that, so that’s probably what he wants. “Here, have some more situations to complain about, enjoy, dear”.

Now you may ask why you (or God) would give him more of what he (allegedly) doesn’t want. But emotion just is, it is neutral, there is no absolute. That friend may desire to experience pain, suffering, or feeling a depressing lack of power over his life. Maybe he needs to learn a lesson from the experience, maybe the consequences of not taking actions so that he can really appreciate when he finally does.

Once again, it’s not yours to judge, your only job is to react to what people are expressing. They live for music, give them music, they live for love, give them love, they live for lack of money, give them more lack.

The Law of Attraction says that you attract what you focus on. And it makes sense. Everything is energy, and everything is neutral. You can choose to experience whatever you want. Your means of signaling the Universe (not only God, but also your family and friends) what you want is how you live your life. By focusing on NOT something, you bring up the same energy (and mental concept) as when you focus on that thing. Whether you actually want it or not is irrelevant. By maintaining active the mental construct of that situation, you attract it into your life.

Take the role of an external objective (and completely neutral) observer, what would the observer say you live for? Is it close to what you want your life to be about? If not, how can you change your life to align the observer’s vision to your purpose?

Your life is your greatest act of creation, and each day, you get to paint a few more strokes. So, what do you live really for?

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Quitting the job you hate.

Pursuing the love of your life.

Putting your health before habits and social convention.

Complaining that your life isn’t what you wish…

or accepting it as it is right now, then moving forward on the road.

You might believe you can’t do “it” because of your spouse, your boss, the government, because you lack a skill, or courage, or because you’re too old (or too young). But in the end, every second you believe that lie, you’re choosing to not do what you’re meant to do, you’re choosing to not be who you’re meant to be, you’re choosing to let fear dictate your actions.

But it’s not because you’ve done that in the past that you’re doomed to doing it again and again until the end of time. Any second you breathe, you can choose to think differently, to act boldly and to feel mighty. Maybe one second from now your whole life will change. Maybe the next second it’ll be like before. But each instant you spend being more than you were is that much power given to your true self to shine.

Whatever you think and do, remember it’s all in your hands. Which choice are you going to make?

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So what happens after you’ve been procrastinating for weeks and the deadline gets near? You start dreading the moment you’ll have to get to it, you’re even getting tense just thinking about it. And you can’t stop feeling uneasy about the whole thing. Which in turn makes the task feel even more awful.

What is happening for taxes for some, might happen for others when preparing a report, or calling an awful client to tell him his project is gonna be late. Like for hobbies and food, this is a matter of taste and experience. What is a joy for some is a pain for others. And it feels like it cannot change.

It’s too bad, because there is one easy solution.

Open up

However awful one activity seems, there is always a way to find fun in it. But first, you need to be open to the possibility.
In lots of cases, the feeling of repulsion is so strong and deep that it seems there’s no way in hell it would be better, let alone “fun”. But if you can find only one people in the world who believes that doing taxes can be fun, it means that there is no absolute rule that says you have to hate it.

If you don’t have to hate it, then maybe you might find a way to like it.

Find the fun

photo credit: Neal.

In any activity you do, there is a fun factor. Bring your candeur, bring your curiosity and forget about what you think you know. Do you like to play with numbers? Do you like to go on a quest to find where little things belong in the world? What do you think “doing taxes” is? It’s putting numbers at their right places and simply playing with them. You can choose to see any activity in a billion different ways, which means you can choose to see it in a way that’s frightening and disempowering or in a way that’s attractive and empowering. The more fun you’ll mentally create in the activity, the less fear you’ll feel, and the easier it’ll be to do it.

If there is something you have to or want to do, but it is frightening and you don’t know how to proceed, take 15 to 30 minutes to find the fun in it: how other people may have fun doing it, how it uses the same skills as things you like, etc.

It will build the positive anticipation until there is nothing you can do except doing it. Once you’re done, come and share your experience in the comments!

The post How to stop procrastinating and have fun with the things you have to do appeared first on Passionate Being.

Though I’m sure you do too.

Past a certain age, if we’re lucky, nobody’s taking care of our stuff anymore, which means that we are responsible for our own world. The job to perform, the bills to pay, the meals to prepare, the taxes to (reluctantly) take care of, and all the little things that seem to get in the way of success.

At first, it’s harmless, you just have to do that one little more thing. Then that other one. And so on and so forth. Little by little, you start to miss time for the things you have to do, let alone for those you actually want to do. So you go faster, or at least, you try to. And the time flies by even more.

It. Never. Stops.

The train

photo credit: Grégoire Lannoy

At the station, you get on the train, find your seat, put your bags down, and finally sit down and wait for the train to depart. You look outside the window at the train next to yours, and suddenly everything starts to move. For an instant, you don’t know which train just started. It lasts only a second, then you get back to reality and know. But for a very brief moment, to you, movement was just that, a movement. One that could get you closer to your goal, or one that’s simply irrelevant.

It’s the same for your own tasks and activities. If you go 300mph, you can never know for sure whether you’re moving to get to your destination, or because you got used to the worry and the need to get things done faster. One sure thing: you don’t appreciate life. I know it because when I’m like that, it’s impossible for me to feel anything good. But it’s not hopeless. The solution is actually pretty easy.

The key to appreciating life.

Slow. Down.

It seem counter-intuitive, after all, you have plenty on your plate, if you slow down, you risk increasing anxiety.

But when you never stop to catch your breath, you never allow stress to go down. You can’t recharge your batteries. Your productivity plummets and you start to hate your whole situation.

Instead, when you walk, walk slowly. When you do something, choose only one activity. Cut your daily to-do list in half. Allow yourself to breathe.

Do one thing at a time, but do what matters.

When we’re trying to get everything done, we lose track of what’s important, and what’s not, everything simply has to “get done”. We don’t put our hearts into it, we don’t put anything, really, especially anything creative.

But when we slow down, everything starts to count. Instead of living in the imaginary destination, you can feel each step, ponder what the next one will feel like, instead of fighting and rushing for the next shortcut. Doing one more slow trip to the kitchen will not make you loose 10 seconds, but gain the same amount. Instead of pestering, picking up the dishing and quickly putting them into the machine, you can enjoy the touch of your fingers on the plates, the temperature difference between the living room and the fridge, and simply use that time to be there and enjoy.

Of course, you’re busy, but really, at the end of the day, will these 10 seconds really make a difference? Time itself is irrelevant, what matters is using it wisely. If you need 15 more minutes, don’t try to gain 5 seconds here and there by rushing and exhausting you. Why not instead shut off your phone and email when you need to be productive. Simply one less interruption will give you the time you need, to be productive, and to appreciate life, as you’re living it.

Then, next time you’ll take a high-speed train, you’ll know exactly why, and you’ll enjoy the scenery.

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One free session with me (I estimate the value at $100-200) just by filling in the following form with your email and your time availabilities. Good deal, isn’t it?

Get more information or fill in the form below to join the challenge. Remember, after September 21st, it’ll be too late.

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Deadlines

photo credit: psd

You have deadlines, taxes to pay, DVDs to return, meeting presentations to prepare, etc. What all these situations have in common is that they cause significant pain (financial, emotional, etc) if you don’t take care of them in time. You may push them back for a while, but the closer you are to the deadline, the more your brain is obsessed with it. At some point, you will drop everything else and take care of the hot potato. In order to deal with it, you might do it yourself, ask your friends for help or even hire a freelancer.

Whatever it takes.

What happens is that the mind doesn’t want to be bothered with it, so it tries to avoid it as much as possible, until it gets real, and realizes there’s no way to escape it.

What happens when you have to do it? You bring up the big guns. And you make it.

Being a hero

Being a hero is about having the courage to do what’s right, what has to be done, when most people wouldn’t.

But when you do what is necessary to make that deadline, you are a hero, you save the day.

I might means you called in all your favors, you dropped or put on hold what wasn’t really important, but you fought, and you won.

But who decided you had to wait until the last moment to do what heroes do?

Everyday hero

You know that when the pressure is right, when you’re close to the end, you find a way to do it.

So how come you always wait until the last moment to invoke these resources?

You don’t need the gloom of the eleventh hour to call your friends and ask for help, or to set aside time and energy to deal with your obligations. Use the resources you have.

Imagine it is the eleventh hour, give yourself an earlier deadline, and be a hero. Not only it will remove some stress from your life, it will also train you to use the best resources for the job, while keeping your mind on your passions.

Let’s say that you spend a week every month dreading some project you have to get done. If you can gather the resources and get it done before the stress comes up, you instantly gain 12 weeks a year that your mind can spend on a subject that you love instead of one that you dread.

I’m not saying it’ll clear your all schedule, but it might clear up a lot of the background processing of your brain, allowing it to be free to enjoy and be passionate instead of being tense and unhappy.

It’s simple to be better than MacGyver, gather all your knowledge and resources and deal with the bomb as soon as you have the tools to defuse it at your disposal, instead of waiting until your mind can’t simply hide it anymore.

Tell us in the comments how you are better than MacGyver.

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