Pastime Paradise

I'm mad as hell!

2010-09-20T01:59:00.000+02:00

Please click on the link and sign the petition

http://www.1billionhungry.org/parham/

Jim Jarmusch

2007-05-16T03:18:00.000+02:00

Found these two gems from Night On Earth on YouTube today.

Segment in Rome

Segment in New York

Tom Waits

2007-05-16T03:08:00.000+02:00

My other all-time favorite dude with his new song, Lie To Me. If you haven't bought his new 3 CD album, do it. It's sumthin' else, as my old pal used to say.

Echo & The Bunnydudes

2007-05-16T03:01:00.000+02:00

Video clips from perhaps one of the best yet most underrated bands in the history of rock, Echo & The Bunnymen.

Lizard

2006-12-04T01:40:00.000+01:00

One of the better Iranian movies of the past few years, Marmoulak (or "Lizard"), is now available for free on the web. I never thought this would be possible, but here I am able to post the entire movie by Kamal Tabrizi, who also made another favorite Iranian movie of mine called "Leily Ba Man Ast" ("Leily Is With Me") a few years before this one.

So here you are ladies and gentlemen, divided into three parts of 37 minutes each, Marmoulak. Wow.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Peace, Brother

2006-10-27T00:35:00.000+02:00

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time; so she went to check it out.
She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was. She watched him pray; and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from the BBC. Sir, how long have you been coming to the wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fucking brick wall."

The Perpetual Cycle

2006-08-22T01:37:00.000+02:00

When I was a little kid, my father used to tell me a lot of Molla Masreddin stories. For those who don't know or have forgotten who Molla Nasreddin is, I think you've missed out a lot in your life without knowing it. But instead of going on and on about "Molla", I'll refer you to this link and just mention that he's supposed to have been a funny character who apparently lived in the 13th century in our region of the earth. His stories have gone from mouth to mouth and from nation to nation for ages because they all (or almost) contain some insightful notion about the ways of the world. There's always something to remember from a Molla story should you wish to recount them to appear to be a wise man or woman one day.

I think it's a pity that the lack of popularity of our current-day mollas has created negative karma for the character and made the man fade from memories. There is a lot to be learned from the tales associated to Molla Nasreddin. One of those I couldn't stop remembering from my younger days while I was recently watching the horrendous events in Lebanon develop, was one that just hasn't left my mind for some time now. I've been thinking a lot about why that is, meaning why this specific story keeps coming back to memory, and I think I've finally found an answer to my personal enigma: I believe this tale actually sums up how the world has developed the way it has.

I'll explain: If you look closely, there are always two main sides in every event and the two usually have to make a deal to make something work. Only, the deal doesn't always work out the way it's supposed to. Take the latest piece of news as an example: President Ahmadinejad of Iran has invited President Bush of the USA to a TV debate. I think I already know how the debate, if it ever takes place, will turn out by applying the model of Molla's story to it. I also know how the Israeli-Palestinian dilemma will end just because I can associate this one story from the Molla collection with the events.

So read it carefully, you actually may learn something from this small tale and wonder to yourself why you hadn't thought of that:

One day Molla was wandering in the desert, all hungry and broke. After hours of walking, he finally reached a village where there was a caravanserai in which he could rest. As he was very hungry, he asked for food, but found out that the only food available was a soup that cost four Papasis. He couldn't help but notice that since he had only two Papasis left in his pocket, he wouldn't be able to afford to buy a bowl. That's when a stranger approached him and said that he had overheard his conversation about the soup, and as he also had only two papasis left, he suggested that they put their money together to share a portion.
Molla happily agreed and they bought a bowl. As they began eating, the man pulled out some salt from his shoulderbag and poured it into the soup.
Molla said "What are you doing? I don't like salt in my soup!"
The man replied "Look, half of this soup is mine, and I'll do whatever I wish with my half."
Molla didn't say anything further and decided to go on eating. That's when the man pulled out some pepper from his bag and started pouring it into the soup.
Molla, who was clearly annoyed, said "What are you doing? I don't want pepper in my soup!" to which, the man replied "Look, half of this soup is mine, and I'll do whatever I wish with my half."
Molla didn't say much this time either and began eating again. Only, he hadn't finished swallowing his next spoonful, when the man pulled out some lemon juice from his bag and poured it into the soup.
Molla, who was visibly angered this time, said "What are you doing? I don't like lemon juice in my soup!" Again, the man comfortably replied "Look, half of this soup is mine, and I'll do whatever I wish with my half."
Molla stared at the man for a second or two, and without any further hesitation, took out his schlong from underneath his robe and started pissing in the bowl.
The man said "What are you doing? You're pissing in the soup!"
That's when Molla replied "Look, it's my half of the soup, and I'll do whatever I goddamn wish with my half!"

And now you know why the world has gone astray.

Zidane+Materazzi=Love

2006-07-10T23:37:00.000+02:00

For some 24 hours, the greatest mystery surrounded the issue of Zidane's head-butt to Materazzi's chest, which happened during the final of the World Cup yesterday, 9 July. Everybody was saying that Materazzi must have mumbled something really nasty to have pissed off a gentleman like Zidane that badly.

There were all sorts of rumors coming out of the rumor mill about the incident. One that was made by the Brits and that was denied almost immediately told of a racist remark, depicting Materazzi as calling Zidane a "dirty terrorist". But as I said, that one didn't turn out to be true.

There were also rumors coming out of the French camp about Materazzi having said something very bad about Zidane's mother. Something in the order of "Hey, I screwed your mother. It was great."

However, nobody knew for sure about that one, although I must say it seemed to be the most plausible rumor. Ultimately, that one was also denied by a very embarrassed Italian side, who said that the statement was only "partially" correct, but refused to say what part of it was actually wrong.

As this only added to the ever-growing mystery and shifted the world's focus on Zidane's sister instead, various international TV channels actually brought in lip-readers to try to see what was said during the exchange. This had now become the hottest news item on earth in the last few days or so - hotter than the war in Iraq, hotter than Bush's latest twist of the tongue.

The mystery has now been solved as announced on world media a few minutes ago. Besides benefiting from the relief factor of the story's denouement, we were shown once again that all the rumors were false. Or almost.

According to what they said, what Materazzi exactly told Zidane was "Hey, I drew a cartoon of your mother. It was great."

Avvin' A Drink

2006-06-19T20:04:00.000+02:00

I just had a brilliant idea.

Having noticed that the players in this World Cup keep faking injuries to get some time off for everyone (including the referee) to get some refreshments, I'd like to propose the head of FIFA to consider setting up a long bar on each football field; complete with sexy bargirls and Bud Light advertisements; and giving them a five minute break in each half so that they could go suck on those yellow water-containers in peace and get to know each other better.

Mahnamahnah

2006-05-21T14:44:00.000+02:00

When I was a kid of about 14, my Friday afternoons were usually spent with some friends listening to a music show on Radio Teheran called "Music For The Youth", where people would call up and request foreign Top 40 songs which would then be broadcast alongside their names a little later. As these things usually go, the day came that we decided to get through the Radio Teheran lines to request "our" song. Basically, we just wanted to show off a little as we knew the girls on the street would also be gathered somewhere, listening to the show.

As this was my idea, or so they said, my friends left me alone to do the dialing job and went back home to record the show on tape. The problem was that the lines were so busy that I tried for some three and a half hours to get through without any success. Imagine trying those numbers with the dialing system of those days. I think that phone was so hot in the end that I could have fried a couple of eggs on it.

Anyhow - by that point, the four-hour show was coming to an end and all the songs I had thought of requesting had been played over the air, as they had all previously been asked for by other listeners who had apparently had more luck getting through.

I was just dialing automatically and was about to give up, when somebody picked up the phone. I recognized the voice: It was that of the main DJ! Imagine the shock as I was left with no songs to ask for on the one hand, and that voice waiting for me to say something at the other end of the line on the other. My mind went blank.

Strangely then, I remembered this song I had heard on the Muppet Show some time ago, which I knew the radio station had a copy of since I had also heard them play it the week before as a joke. So without being able to think of anything else, I impulsively requested... "Mahnamahnah" by The Muppets!

No need to say that after the song was played with the mention of "Parham, Vandad, Mazdad and Siamak" being the culprits behind the request (I still have that part of the broadcast in my ears as if it were yesterday), my friends were extremely pissed off at me for not only associating their names on national radio with what they condidered a kid's song, but to have made a total, complete fool out of them in front of the girls. I don't think any of them talked to me nicely for months afterwards. They even avoided me on the street whenever they saw me.

It has now been 29 years since those days in the summer of 1977. Last year, I ran into one of those friends by pure accident for the first time since. He had become a DJ of all things! He still remembered the episode. He treated me as if I were a criminal.

Some things are hard to get over...

Ahmadinejad's Letter To Bush

2006-05-16T14:43:00.000+02:00

An acquaintance of mine who works for the National Censor's Bureau was telling me the other day that they actually had to cut out a part of Ahmadinejad's much-publicized letter to Bush for security reasons before they released it to the press, because they simply couldn't figure out what it meant. The part was actually a one-liner and came in the form of a post-scriptum at the end of the letter. It said:
"p.s. Mr. President, if you don't forward this letter to 20 other people immediately, you will have 20 years of bad luck."

Sex & The Country

2006-03-19T19:48:00.000+01:00

A well-travelled friend was talking about his sexual experience with girls of different nationality at a party.
Apparently, when you have sex with an American girl, she keeps saying "yes, yes, yes"...
When you're sleeping with a French girl, she keeps saying "oui, oui, oui"...
And when you're in bed with an Iranian girl, she keeps repeating "be kasi nagi ha, be kasi nagi ha, be kasi nagi ha"...("Don't tell anyone, don't tell anyone,...")

Daie's Last Shot

2006-03-01T04:10:00.000+01:00

You know, Ali Daie is not only going to play during the World Cup, but he also declared yesterday that he'll be playing until he's 40, this despite calls from quite a few people for him to leave the football scene. Basically, he has a lot of fans pissed-off at his perseverance in still wanting to play football at a professional level at his age. The point is he's been showing a lot of stamina at 37 and this is perhaps one reason for some football fans to get even more pissed-off. Anyway, this reminds me of a conversation I once overheard in a London subway.

I think this dude had just lost his grandfather. Somebody standing next to him was anxiously trying to find out how the old man had died, and you could sense the first guy was reluctant to tell him what had really happened.
"Oh, it was in the morning, he got out of the bed and..."
"He fell?"
"Well yes, but that's not how he died. He got up, went to the bathroom and..."
"He slipped while taking a shower?"
"That happened to him too, but that's not how he died. He just got out of the shower, made some breakfast and..."
"He choked on something hard?"
"Yes, but that's not how it happened either. His young mistress came over and..."
"He had a heart-attack while making love to his mistress?"
"Well no, he actually had sex with her several times. But it was when he took the dog out afterwards that..."
"The dog attacked him?"
"Um, that happened too, but he actually bit the dog and.."
"He died because the dog was ill?"
"No, actually it was the dog that died because he bit too hard."
"Alright then, so how did he die?"
"Okay, okay. I'll tell you. I just got tired of the whole situation at that point and shot him myself."

Burning Embassies

2006-02-17T15:11:00.000+01:00

I propose that from now on my hardline compatriots, instead of setting fire to western embassies, try pissing on them. This will not only be more culture-specific as compared to the actions of other nations, but given all the spelling mistakes the brothers and sisters usually make while exposing their emotions to the world media, the least is they could claim they’re making this world a more pissful place.

Summer Song 2005

2005-07-25T00:37:00.000+02:00

In case you were wondering where I am, I should let you know that I've been hanging low, trying to figure out what to do with this blog. As usual.

Another thing I've been doing is enjoying summer. It's been one of those nice, slow summers where you either hang out at festivals or sit around and scratch your balls. Either way you have a great time.

The only thing that was bothering me so far this year was the lack of a song to go with the mood of the festive season. You know how it is, every year there's a song that captures the atmosphere best and becomes the summer song for that year, leaving you with fond memories of the times spent in the heat, cooling it all off. In 1989 it was the Lambada, in '77 it was Hotel California, in '73 it was "Choob Mizani"...

Well, no more worries about what this year's summer song will be. Today, I received this song file from Teheran, and it's quickly becoming my favorite summer song for 2005. It says it all, and it says it best.

You'll probably need RealPlayer to be able to listen to it.

Enjoy your summer.

Turkish Hacker

2005-06-01T23:56:00.000+02:00

The forum where I usually post silly stuff about football has apparently been hacked by a Turkish hacker.
I always thought Turkish hackers stand there and stare at you until you decide to hack the site yourself.

Alcoholic

2005-02-22T08:16:00.000+01:00

In a desperate attempt to overcome his fears, the local cockroach is known to have lately developed a nasty drinking habit. He was seen last night going up to the slippers and shouting: "Why don't you try to hit me now, motherfuckers."

Ambitions

2005-02-22T07:52:00.000+01:00

As the donkey was sitting in front of his TV set watching the horse race, he wished from the bottom of his heart that he had finished school when his father pushed him to.

جوجه ، قسمت دوم

2005-02-20T14:03:00.000+01:00

می خوام یه روزی جوجه ام انقدر به پدرش افتخار کنه که هر دفعه به بقالی سر کوچه رفت، بگه: «اقا، لطفأ از اون آدامسهایی بدین که عکس بابام روشه» ۰

Rezazadeh's Secret

2005-02-20T11:14:00.000+01:00

Rezazadeh had just announced that he was going to lift 1000 kg at the next weightlifting championships when his cell phone rang.
It was Hazrat-e-Abolfazl (that's "Saint-Abolfazl" for those in L.A.).
All he said was "don't count on me this time, you smart ass" before he hung up.

The Story Of Ghazanfar, Part I

2005-02-20T11:02:00.000+01:00

Ghazanfar just couldn't help it. Ever since his father had retired from playing for Juventus, he had pinned up the picture of a zebra on his wall in memory of the good old days.

The Snow Plowers

2005-02-08T14:22:00.000+01:00

snow clip image, originally uploaded by Parham.

Iran is one of those places where even a short conversation with a total stranger who happens to be passing by can be rich in content. This is pretty much unlike elsewhere, where even interactions that are supposed to be deep are often shallow and devoid of any real sign of life.

The following videoclip was not setup. I had just taped my son playing with his friends in the snow the other day when I decided to go out and take a look outside with my camera on. What happened next is what you see in the clip.

For those who can't hear what was said in the audio, here's the text of the conversation, together with a translation in English, courtesy of Jahanshah Javid:

Barfi 1: (from afar): Barfieh... barfieh... (It's the snow plower... it's the snow plower...)...
Barfi 1: (after having seen me recording the scene): Agha shabakeye chandom pakhsh misheh? (Sir, which channel will broadcast this?)
Me: (laughing): Az in shaansaa nadaari... (No such luck...)
Barfi 1: Bezaar tu Jam-e-Jam.... (Put it on Jam-e Jam TV)
Me: Ru maahvaare pakhshesh mikonim. (We'll put it on satellite TV)
Barfi 1: (now near) Agha salam. Biaaym paaroo konim? (Hello sir... should we come in and plow your snow?)
Barfi 2: Khasteh nabaashin... (May you not be tired...)
Me: Merci, ghorboone shomaa. Na... (Thank you very much, no thanks...)
Barfi 1: Tooye Jame-Jam bezaar oonaayi ke oonvare aaban befahman maa che gereftariyi daarim. (Put this on Jam-e Jam TV so that people on the other side of the ocean know what kind of problems we have...)
Me (laughing): Areh, vaasat mizaaram hame tamaashaa konan. Ma'roof mishi tu Amrica. (Yeah, I'll air it for everyone. You'll become famous in America.)
Barfi 1: Areh baba, chikaar konim digeh... (Yeah, what else can we do?...)
Barfi 1: (disappearing in the horizon with Barfi 2): Barfieh, barfieh... (It's the snow plower, it's the snow plower...)

Download the clip here (3.6 MB approx.)

The Story Of My Life, Part II

2005-01-31T10:37:00.000+01:00

Symbolically or unsymbolically, this article has a lot to do with the story of my life and perhaps that of the place where I come from. Figure it out on your own.

Closer To Reality: What Cheney Really Said At Inauguration

2005-01-27T13:43:00.000+01:00

Cheney Inauguration, originally uploaded by Parham.

Comic:
"Dude, I'm telling ya: It's Dick. D.I.C.K. Like one you've never seen if you have me keep my right hand up one more minute."

Freudian:
" I, Richard Cheney, do solemnly swear to abide by the constitution of Hallib... er, of the United States of America.."

Actual:
"No, you old fart, George was that other guy you just swore in. I am Dick."

Must-have-been-thinking:
"Hurry up, dickbreed. It's so cold I may just pee all over you and your stupid constitution already"

داستان ابراهیم از ذهن یک ایرانی ان - امریکن

2005-01-26T12:03:00.000+01:00

به حضرت ابراهیم فرمان شده بود که اسماعیل را قربانی کند. همه چیز آماده بود که یک هو این آیه نازل شد
"Ebi jan, smile, you're on candid camera."