Pastor J's Thots

A Friend Indeed

2011-08-19T01:38:00.001-04:00

Do you have someone you could call in the middle of the night if you needed help? Bible teacher Ray Pritchard calls these people “2 a.m. friends.” If you have an emergency, this kind of friend would ask you two questions: “Where are you?” and “What do you need?”
Friends like that are crucial during difficult times.

Jonathan was that type of friend for David. Jonathan’s father, King Saul—who was filled with envy at David’s popularity and God’s blessing on him—tried to kill him (1 Sam. 19:9-10). David escaped and asked his friend for help (ch. 20). While David hid in the field, Jonathan sat at dinner with his father and quickly realized that Saul did indeed intend to kill David (vv.24-34).

Because of their deep friendship, Jonathan “was grieved for David” (v.34). He warned him of his father’s plan and told him he should leave (vv.41-42). David recognized what a good friend he had in Jonathan. The Bible says they wept together, “but David more so” (v.41). Their souls were “knit” together.
Do you have loving Christian friends you can count on in a crisis? Are you someone your friends would call a “2 a.m. friend”?

Thank God for you, good friend of mine,
Seldom is friendship such as thine;
How very much I wish to be
As helpful as you’ve been to me.

A true friend stands with us in times of trial.

The Marathon

2011-08-17T00:04:00.001-04:00

Last night I had a dream. No, not that one, he already had it and made that speech. I dreamed of a marathon and I was running in the race. It seemed like it was a marathon I had been running in my whole life.
I could hear the roar of the crowd and feel the adrenaline pumping through the crowd as their cheers echoed throughout the street. As I turned the next corner, I saw Jesus standing there on the sidelines holding out a cup of water for me. I went over and drank from the cup. I told him, "this is good water. What kind is it?" He said, "living water". We both smiled at that one.
I threw my cup into the garbage can (well, who wants to litter in front of Jesus??) and starting to get back into the race.
I was tired and told Jesus, "I think I'm going to walk for a while". He stepped out and said, "I'll join you my friend". As we started to walk down the street I was telling him how much pain I was in from this lifelong marathon and how it wears on me daily. Sometimes I just feel so tired of it all or of feeling like I'm by myself in this race.
Just then a crowd of runners came up from behind and quickly passed us. I started to run to keep up with them, when Jesus touched my arm gently and said, "no, you run when YOU are ready; not when you think others are watching".
He told me of how far I had come in this marathon and how I couldn't quit now. "But it's just me running by myself and I am tired and hurting", I reminded Him. Jesus said that He had never left me alone, He just used different instruments to speak and touch me.
He smiled and pointed to the left sidelines. There I saw my pastor, Mike, cheering me on; a man who had stayed 6 hours in an ER and then another time 10 hours in the waiting room for me to get out of heart surgery and to comfort my wife for the day. He was yelling, "look how far you've come, brother, look how far you've come!!"
Jesus pointed a little behind me to the right, and I noticed my neighbor, Gary, who when things got hard and pain was intense would remind me that 'tomorrow is going to be a little better than today, a little better than today'. Up head, I noticed people praying for me fervently. I saw my deacon, Daryl, who had come to the hospital just to serve and love on my wife and I.
I was starting to get back a little bounce into my step now. The road wasn't seeming as long as it once did. I saw my older brother, a ferocious lion who turned into a lamb to serve me and become a human leaning post for me to lean on so I could walk down a hall once again to regain strength.
Then I saw her. My heart stopped in the excitement...My wife...My Rachee. The woman who moved into my hospital room and slept in an uncomfortable chair for weeks with little to no sleep so she could be there if I needed anything day or night. And then at home selflessly cooking meals around my schedule for me to eat whatever I asked for and asked for nothing in return.
She was standing on the edge of the street cheering me on, with a radio held high over her head, playing my song.
Jesus smiled at me and said, "My child, you were never alone in this marathon. I have one more for you to see around this next corner". I could hardly wait, I was walking quickly now to see who could be there. My mind was racing. I was quickly scanning the crowd. Who could it be, who would it be, would I remember them, was it someone who knew me that I didn't know? Who? Who? Who?

I turned the corner, dropped to my knees and tears instantly flowed from my eyes. It was my boy, Niko, standing on the corner yelling, "go daddy, go, you can win this, you're invincible!" He ran out to hug me and for a moment time stood still...no noise from the crowd, no running shoes behind me, no music. Just him and me and his arms around my neck squeezing tight. A kiss on the cheek for good luck. He then turned to Jesus and hugged Him tight and said, "thank you for taking care of my Daddy!" Jesus bent down and said, "no, thank you for taking care of him for me."
I looked at Jesus, I looked at the crowd took a long slow deep breath and told Jesus I was ready to start running this marathon called life again no matter the pain, so that I could someday stand in front of him and say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"

Great Leaders

2011-03-31T14:38:00.001-04:00

Great leaders argue as if they are always right. Listen as if they are always wrong.

The Failure of Youth Ministry

2011-03-29T00:12:00.000-04:00

I found an interesting article from the late great Mike Yaconelli from youth specialties. It was an article about the failure of youth ministry. I thought it worth a repost. Let me know what you think...

The Failure of Youth Ministry
by Mike Yaconelli

What is the most important function of youth ministry?

A) Introducing young people to Jesus
B) Providing healthy activities
C) Involving young people in service
D) Abstinence pledges
E) Good theological training
F) Worship

Answer: None of the above.

The most important function of youth ministry is longevity. Long-term discipleship.

It's my contention that the vast majority of youth ministries focus all of their time and energy on the none-of-the-aboves and very little on longevity. How do I know?

Look at the results.

Attend any youth group in this country and notice the "ageing effect."

Attendance is directly proportional to age. The older the students, the fewer are likely to attend youth group. Typically, there are more freshman than sophomores, more sophomores than juniors, and more juniors than seniors.

I'm sure there are many reasons for this phenomenon. Older students are more likely to work, more likely to have a car, and more likely to be extremely busy. But the real reason is that older students are much more likely to lose interest in Christianity, lose the desire to stay close to Christ, or don't lose the willingness to pay the price of commitment. In the everyday battle for the souls of the older students, the lure of the secular is just too strong.

Almost every study out there shows that when it comes to moral behavior, there's no difference between secular and Christian students. They drink as much, screw as much, have oral sex as much, and party as much.

Why?

Youth ministry doesn't have any staying power.

Young people flock to Christian concerts, cheer Jesus at large events, and work on service projects. Unfortunately, it's not because of Jesus; it's because they're young!

The success of youth ministry in this country is an illusion.

Very little youth ministry has a lasting impact on students.

I believe we're no more effective today reaching young people with the gospel than we've ever been. In spite of all the dazzling super stars of youth ministry, the amazing array of YS products, the thousands of youth ministry training events, nothing much has changed.

Following Jesus is hard.

Faith is difficult.

Discipleship requires a huge investment of time. Most of us don't have the time. Or we chose not to take the time. Or our current models of ministry don't allow us the time.

So let's be honest.

Youth ministry as an experiment has failed. If we want to see the church survive, we need to rethink youth ministry.

What does that mean? I don't have a clue. But my hunch is that if we want to see young people have a faith that lasts, then we have to completely change the way we do youth ministry in America.

I wonder if any of us has the courage to try.

PTA

2010-10-12T16:35:00.000-04:00

So I once served at a church where my youth ministry was comprised of mainly gang kids. Kids who would shoot first and then ask questions later. It was a tough group, but I was called there so I planted in.
Some of the parents had asked me to get involved in the school as part of the PTA to help with the students and I figured it would be a great way to get to know the teens and for them to know me. I was a little weary of joining up with a bunch of moms and being the only guy there, as I would be outnumbered on every vote, But I joined up and thought, "what could go wrong?"
Because of my drama background, they had asked me to get involved in a play that they were doing at the school. They were doing a "rip van winkle" theme and talking about sleeping through life and missing out.
We had several parents who were gifted in making costumes and I being the only man in the group was given the manual labor of helping the kids build the set.
We were on the set one early Saturday and I was laying on the ledge trying to nail some pieces together when one of the mothers, Mrs Smith, said that she had a costume for me to try on. So I rolled over the ledge and reached down and held it up to look at it. She asked me to try it on and see if it fit me properly as I was the same size as the teen who would be wearing it. I quickly climbed down and went across the yard to the restroom to try it on.
It was a long nightgown of hideous colors and horendous designs cut into it. It was ugly as ugly could be. It was a great costume. As I was walking across the courtyard to get back into the room to show Mrs Smith, I noticed some of the "boys" from one of the gangs I had been trying to get with and meet, hanging around the yard and I hollered out to them to say hi. One on them yelled back, "hey preacher man where did you get the god-forsaken gown?" I recognized the boy and Mrs Smith's son, so I hollered back, this morning. I rolled over and got it from your mom.
The last thing I remember was what must have been a horde of wild animals charging at me and hearing me scream like a little girl. I awoke three hours later sore and bruised and beaten. Mrs Smith even yelled at me for tearing the costume...
And that is why I will never join the PTA again.

What Kind of Joy

2010-09-27T14:47:00.000-04:00

The room is cold and damp. I can hear tiny feet skittering across the floors. Rats! Why did it have to be rats?!
It seems like forever I have been in this prison of mine
Now I face a death sentence cast down upon me. If only I could find an escape...
There are two other men on the other side of the wall. I can hear them talking and singing. I lean over to the hole in the wall and listen. I can hear two men talking with excitement and laughing talking about the last few weeks occurrence's. I holler thru the wall a "hello" and they respond back with the same. I ask them how they can be so joyful in this place. They respond that they are here for crimes against the government, but the King that they serve knows they are here and has sent a Messenger to tell them He will take care of them. They ask me why I am here, and I reply jokingly, "I shot the sheriff...but I did not shoot the deputy!" I tell them I feel like I have been in this prison all my life. Subject to the four walls of pain surrounding me everyday.
They tell me with a joy in their voices that this is not their first time in a prison or being beaten but they are glad to suffer for their King.
What kind of joy is this, to count it a blessing to suffer? When they should be crying, there is joy in their eyes. What kind of joy gives these prisoners a song when they are staring death in the face?
They tell me it is the joy of a soul that is forgivin' and free...
My King has promised me this joy, it just seems sometimes I forget the tune and need to be reminded every now and then. May my song be sung loud enough that others would ask me, "what kind of joy is this" you have?

Scariest Word I know

2010-08-13T14:42:00.000-04:00

There is a word that we have let slip into our vocabulary that is a life-killer. It takes the motivation from us, it make us comfortable where we are and gives us false hope.

That word is, "someday".

"someday, I will get my dream job"

"someday I am going to go talk to him/her"

"someday I am going to travel to there..."

Someday. Someday...
The thing is, someday never comes. We spend our life pursuing something that will likely never come, convincing ourselves that as long as we hold on to the dream of "someday" it will happen.
Life is to short to live on "someday". Instead, why don't we live on today.
"Today, I will get my job"
"Today I will talk to him/her"
Today I will make reservations for my trip".

What are you waiting for? Make your "someday" into a "today."
Let me know what you have accomplished today...

NATE THE SNAKE

2009-09-17T11:45:00.001-04:00

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving
all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune
with nature. He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the
sagebrush.

As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morn,
he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments,
he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the lever.
Just as he does, he hears a voice say, "Don't touch that lever."

The driver jumps about two feet off the ground, and as he comes down,

he looks around. No one is to be seen. Thinking it was just his imagination,
he again reaches for the lever. Again the voice yells, "I said don't touch that
lever!"

Being more prepared, the driver senses the location of the voice and looks down
under a sage brush. There he sees a small snake.

The driver, in much astonishment, said, "Was that you that just spoke?"

The snake said, "Yes. I have to keep people from touching that lever.
If the lever is moved, it will be the end of the world."

The driver, still rather astonished, said, "What is your name?
And will you talk on TV?" The snake said his name was Nate and that he wasn't
interested in going on TV; anyway, he had to stay and watch the lever to see
that it wasn't moved.

The driver said, "Look, I will get the networks to send out camera crews.
That way, you can inform the entire world about the danger of the lever."

Nate thought that over and allowed as how there was a great deal of sense to
the idea. The driver, true to his word, got the network camera crews out.
They put on broadcasts in which Nate warned the entire world of the dangers
of moving the lever.

A few weeks later, another truck driver was going through the area.
He was following an oil tanker, and the tanker sprang a leak.
When the driver's truck hit the slick, it went out of control,
and he found himself headed straight for the lever.
He remembered seeing Nate on the TV telling about the lever and so he knew that
if he hit it, he would cause the world to end. He strove, with all his might
maneuver the truck. Finally, at the last moment, he was able to swerve,
but he ran over Nate, the snake, and killed him flat.

The truck driver was heard to say "Well, better Nate than lever."

Glass of Water and Stress

2009-06-19T12:41:00.003-04:00

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
a glass of water and asked, How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranging from 2 to 5 pounds.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it."

He continued, "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day,
you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight.
But the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
"And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes
increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.
As with the glass of water, you have to put it down."

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble
and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

If Men Wrote Advice Columns...

2009-04-12T08:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Dr. Jarrod,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV.
I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was laid off six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Jarrod

The $50 Lesson

2009-04-06T08:30:00.000-04:00

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? '

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

Her parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.. '

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50? '

I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me..

The Perfect Wedding Registry for the Older Crowd

2009-04-01T13:41:00.002-04:00

Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a
stroll to discuss the wedding. On the way they pass a drugstore.
Jacob suggests that they go in.
He addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

Couple weds in fast-food style ... in Taco Bell

2009-01-19T15:34:00.002-05:00

If I had only known!!!! This would have been my wedding sytle...

Couple weds in fast-food style ... in Taco Bell

NORMAL, Illinois - Wedding bells meant the Mexican fast food chain Taco Bell for Paul and Caragh Brooks.

Customers inside the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple sat Friday in an orange Taco Bell booth and exchanged vows.

"It's appropriate," groom Paul Brooks said. "It's an offbeat relationship."
Story continues below

Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words "Will you marry me?" They decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons.

The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress and the entire wedding cost about $200. Several dozen guests looked on as the couple's friend, Ryan Green of Normal, administered the vows while wearing a T-shirt. He was ordained online.

"This is the way to go — there's no stress," said the groom's mother, Kathy Brooks.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States.

"We have the same brain, just in two bodies," Paul Brooks said. "We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints."

He proposed on New Year's Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there.

"I would never have expected in my life in working here there would be a wedding," restaurant manager Carl Hamlow said.

If you could redo your wedding, what style would you do?

BUREAUCRACY IN ACTION

2009-01-12T06:52:00.001-05:00

1. Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the Banana.

2. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result--all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

3. Turn off the cold water. If later another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

4. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

5. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

6. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

7. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.

Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?

"BECAUSE that's the way it's always been done around here."

THINGS I LEARNED FROM SCOOBY DOO

2009-01-09T18:49:00.001-05:00

1. If you are traveling down a scary road in the middle of swamp country, plan on your van breaking down.

2. It is impossible to overuse the word "Like."

3. Never, ever, ever trust a man who goes by the nickname "Old Man Jones" and who manages an abandoned hotel or castle.

4. When in a hurry, dogs make great motorcycles...and water skis.

5. You can pull off some of the greatest scams with wire, bed sheets, and a hologram machine.

6. It's never a good idea to stop in an abandoned town for pizza - bad things happen.

7. Disco music and a submarine sandwich makes everything better.

8. Bad guys always hide behind paintings, so make sure you watch the eyes.

9. Whenever you need to split up, send the two most ignorant members of your party together - it's just plain fun.

10. Avoid using words like doobie and munchies - it might give people the wrong idea.

TOP TEN TOYS YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE FINDING THIS YEAR

2008-12-22T13:39:00.001-05:00

TOP TEN TOYS YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE FINDING THIS YEAR

10. Sister's Dollhouse and Night Vision Ninja Assassin

9. Tuba Hero - World Tour

8. Low Self Esteem Elmo

7. 'Lil Embittered Lego Airport Traffic Controller

6. U Push Mommy's Buttons

5. Thumpy Thump Roadside Furry Friends

4. Police Crime Tape Craft Kit

3. High School Musical Audition Losers Puppet Pals

2. Big 'unsafe at any speed' Wheel

1. Wi-Wheezer: Grandpa Edition

Looking for love...

2008-12-08T07:51:00.000-05:00

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting. .....

Scroll down for her picture . . ...

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society

The cowyboy and the church

2008-12-01T07:48:00.000-05:00

I read an interesting article the other day, it went like this:

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."

The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in here before."

What are your thots? Have you been in a church like this? Is your church like this? Are YOU the church in this story?

Living to Be 80

2008-11-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was
doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be
80?'He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer
or wine?''Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not
doing drugs, either!'Then he asked, 'Do you eat
rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'I said, 'No, my
former doctor said that all red meat is very
unhealthy!''Do you spend a lot of time in the sun,
like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or
bicycling?''No, I don't,' I said. He asked,
'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of
sex?''No,' I said.
He looked at me and said....

'Then why do you even care?

HEAVY THINKING...

2008-11-17T10:27:00.000-05:00

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip a quiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...they didn't open. The library was closed!

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Dumb and Dumber." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

About Me

2008-11-12T16:21:00.001-05:00

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. President of Garbage contol

2. Lip Reader for the blind

3. Coin counter for Jerry's Kids donations

4. Inventor of the "dial-up" and Fax noise

Four movies I've watched more than once:
1. Bugs Bunny Movie
2 The Sequel
3. The Second coming (saw it twice, just in case)

4. Curious George Goes to the movies

Four places I have lived in my life:
1. Denial

2. My own little world (everyone there knows me)

3. In my imagination

4. The other side of tomorrow

Four TV shows I watch:
1. The "off the air" show
2. NCIS
3. House
4. The Invisible man (hard show to follow, never seen the main character)

Four places I have been:
1. In trouble

2. In the thick of it

3. In the middle of it

4. in hot water

Four people who email me regularly:
1. God

2. crazy people
3. some guy who keeps telling me I have won the lottery in Argentina
4. The lawyer who tells me a person I helped in London has left me Money in his will

Four of my favorite foods
1. Taco Bell
2. Taco Bell
3. Taco Bell
4. Biscuits at Popeye's

Four places I'd rather be:
1. out of trouble

2. in denial (it's not just a river)
3. The Presidency
4. Youth Work

Four people I think will respond:
1. God

2. My wife
3. My dog

4. My son

Four things I'm looking forward to this year:
1. Seeing Tomorrow

2. Seeing Next year
3. Taking my next breath

4. ONE day without pain

My Hospital visit Retold...

2008-09-12T11:23:00.002-04:00

So as you read before I had a stint in the hospital, now I would like to give you my account of how I saw it….
So I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That’s a nice relaxing drive. *whistling a tune* Noooo, after you. Merge, everybody merge. I’m only imploding.
So I pull up at the entrance to the Emergency Room. No valet parking. I mean, if that’s not the biggest oversight in our solar system… if there’s ever a time when you want to go, “can you park this because I need to collapse immediately?” But no, I’m circling around the parking lot trying to find a spot. “Can I park there, I think I’m gonna die?” “I’m dying too.” “OK, go ahead. I’ll go up a couple levels.” Unbelievable. I don’t care if you’re driving yourself or someone else to the Emergency Room, you still want to get out and run in with them. Are you supposed to drop somebody off and go park the car? “OK, you go in! Tell them you’re SHOT! Ask them if they validate!” Unbelievable.
So I finally park, you know. I go in to check in. They ask the most insulting question when you check into a hospital. “What seems to be the problem?” “What seems… ? Well it seems… it seems like everything in all my inside wants to be on my outside. But I’m no doctor.” What kind of condescending question…
So they check me in to my luxurious half room. There’s a curtain down the middle with a mystery patient on the other side. And he’s moaning over there. I’m thinking, “man, they’re never going to help me with him moaning like that.” So I gotta out-moan him, you know? “Quit moaning! We’re all hurting!”
So I’m killing time writhing. The nurse finally comes in. “How are you doing tonight?” “I’m on a gurney. Do you have a pain-killer or something? This is killing me.” So she goes, “how would you describe your pain?” *pause* “It’s killing me. I don’t know if you remember that part. Ouch.” What, are we playing that pyramid game? “Um. Excruciating… Horrific… Would rather have shards of glass in my eye…. How do I convey this to you?”
So she asks, “how would you rate your pain?” “Four stars! Two enthusiastic thumbs up!” She goes, “how would you rate it on a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst?” Well, you know saying a low number isn’t going to help you. “Oh, I’m a two… maybe the high one’s. If you could get me a baby aspirin and cut it in half, maybe a Flinstone vitamin and I’ll be out of your hair. You can go tend to all the threes and fours and such, if anyone’s saying such ridiculous numbers.”
So I said, “I guess I’m an eight.” She goes, “OK, I’ll be back.” I’m like, “aw, I blew it. I ain’t getting nothing with eight.” But she surprised me, she comes in, she told me, “the doctor told me to give you morphine immediately.” So then I’m like, “morphine?? That’s the stuff they gave the guy in Saving Private Ryan just before he died… OK, I’m a four… I’m a zero, I’m a negative eleventeen.” So they gave me morphine. Wow, all I know is about fifteen minutes later, just for the heck of it, I was like, “I’m an eight again! Guess who’s an eight?”

hospital Stay

2008-09-05T11:27:00.005-04:00

As most of you know by now, I was in the hospital the first week of August. If you missed the broadcast of it, here is what was said,

"Hi everybody,

I just wanted to let you know that Jarrod is in the hospital in Knoxville.
He had a tachycardia on Monday and then another one on Tuesday early
morning. His heart rate was up to 206 and was up for about 32 hours
straight and they couldn't stop it. This is in addition to fever, aches and
throwing up over 24 hours straight.

After trying many medications, they did a last resort of shocking him to put
his rhythm back into place. That only lasted temporarily. Then that's when
they transferred him to the cardiac center at the hospital we are at in
Knoxville. They took him by ambulance.

They are changing medications to keep it consistent and not have it take off
again. At this point, we are waiting to see how the new medication works."

It was supposed to be a great week of vacation, but I guess it is never boring when you go somewhere with me; have to make those memories. Many asked why I waited so long to go to the ER, and all I can say is that I have not had the best experience with ER's. There is usually come quack Dr who thinks he can cure what 36 years of the world's best haven't been able to cure yet, or they look at me and think, "oh, textbook case".
But God was in control and gave me some great medical staff at the ER who actually listened to me and did what I asked and didn't try to cure me, but stabilize me. Then I was taken by ambulance to Knoxville, TN where I had some of the best care I have ever had in a long time; and believe me, I know hospitals.
I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and calls and those who came to visit me. It is greatly appreciated.

Looking to share a great testimony for God,
Pastor J

YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN "BABY BOOMER" AND "GENERATION X" IF..

2008-08-26T07:28:00.001-04:00

YOU'RE LOST BETWEEN "BABY BOOMER" AND "GENERATION X" IF...

1. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool.
2. Any photograph of you shows you wearing an Izod shirt with the collar turned up.
3. You know any "Weird Al" Yankovic songs by heart.
4. You've ever rung someone's doorbell and said "Landshark!"
5. You were once bowled over by the technological excellence of such products as Atari, IntelliVision, TelStar and Coleco.
6. You remember the premier of MTV--or worse yet, you remember its predecessor, "Friday Night Videos."
7. You and your friends ever discussed having a reunion at the end of the century and playing Prince's "1999."
8. A predominant color in your childhood photos is plaid.
9. You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was alternative, and when "alternative comedy" was really funny.
10. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the minivan.
11. (Related to #10) You rode in the back of the station wagon facing the cars behind you.
12. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
phrases: "You know, back when...," "When I was your age...," or "When I was younger..."
13. Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you learned things like grammar, math and history. (A big hint here is if the only way you can recite the Preamble to the Constitution is by singing it.) 14. You ever dressed to look like someone in a Madonna, Cyndi Lauper or Duran Duran video.
15. You remember your first kiss with someone having happened while either "Leather and Lace" or "Crazy for You" was playing.
16. You remember with pain the day the Green Machine hit the streets (or the sidewalks), instantly making your Big Wheel obsolete.
17. The age-old question "Where's the beef?" still makes you laugh.
18. You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly have more advanced special effects than "TRON."
19. You had a crush on Ted the photographer on "Love Boat," Gage from "Emergency," or Ponch from "CHIPS."
20. Your hair at some point in time in the '80s could only be described by saying, "I was experimenting."
21. You've ever shopped at Benetton.
22. You're starting to believe that having the kids in school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
23. You're currently employed doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with your college major.
24. U2 is too popular and mainstream for you now.
25. You remember trying to guess which episode of "The Brady Bunch" it was by the first scene.
26. You had a front-row seat (i.e., blew off one or more classes) for Luke and Laura's wedding on "GH."
27. Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.
28. You know who shot J.R.
29. You recall when Love's Baby Soft was in every girl's Christmas stocking.
30. This rings a bell: "My name is Charlie, and they work for me."
31. You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on. (Related item: you were sure that "New Coke" would NEVER catch on.) 32. You know all the words to the double-album set of the "Grease" soundtrack.
33. You've ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
34. You sat with your friends on any given Friday night circa 1982 and dialed 867-5309 to see if Jenny was actually there.
35. "All skate, change directions" means something to you.
36. You've ever owned a pair of rainbow suspenders like the ones Mork used to wear.
37. You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli. (Related item: if you've ever smacked yourself in the head with a shoe and exclaimed, "I'm so wasted!") 38. You owned a Preppy Handbook.
39. You were too young to see "Blue Lagoon," so you just had to settle for the second-hand reports.
40. You remember when movies were only PG and R.
41. You learned to swim at about the same time "Jaws" came out....and still carry the emotional scars to prove it.
42. You remember when your cable TV box had a sliding selector switch...
and your "cable remote" was connected to the TV by CORD!
43. Your jaw would ache by the time you finished one of those brick-sized packages of Bazooka.
44. You remember Bo and Luke Duke, Daisy, Boss Hogg, or--worst of all--what Sheriff Roscoe's full name was.
45. Your parents paid $2,000 for a top-loading VCR that was almost the size of a coffee table.
46. You found nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.
47. You remember having a rotary phone.
48. You actually believed that Mikey--famed kid on the Life cereal commercials--died after eating Pop Rocks and drinking a Coke.
49. "Members Only" jackets...say no more.
50. And lastly, I'll make a song stick in your head for the rest of the day:...you actually remember the words to the the theme song of "The Greatest American Hero."

Local Bar Sues Church

2008-08-19T15:26:00.000-04:00

In a small Texas town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign of petitions and prayers to block the bar from opening.

Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."