Paul Callaghan Freelance Writer NZ

Phil Goff and John Key- the bland leading the bland.

2011-11-24T08:35:00.001+13:00

It's election time here in NZ. The two major parties, National and Labour, have been facing off since the Rugby World Cup finished. In this country not even politicians are stupid enough to interfere with rugby.
Phil Goff (Labour) and John Key (National) faced off in their final televised debate last night with the normally mild and ineffectual Goff going on the attack. Teflon John actually appeared rattled (if still arrogant), particularly when he was put on the spot about national asset sales and reducing police numbers.
That said, this election is a foregone conclusion. Blandness will out. How could it not with both major parties trying the "steady as she goes" approach to steer NZ through the global recession? When the most radical items on the agenda are a capital gains tax (Labour) and selling off the family silver (National) you know we are in for three more years of the same old same old.
I used to work with at risk teenagers. One of the things we told the kids was that "if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got." The micro-brains that run this country can't seem to grasp that concept. Instead they churn out recycled promises that make barely a ripple in the ocean of apathy that passes for political awareness here.
Selling off national assets is the old tried and true Thatcherite method of increasing the gap between rich and poor. It didn't improve 1980s Britain or '90s New Zealand, and there is no reason to believe it will improve 21st century NZ.
Against that, there is the possibility of even more tax. Even though it seems odd to me that money made from speculating in property is not taxable, more tax seems unlikely to win an election. And when that tax is aimed squarely at the middle classes, the poor can't afford extra houses and the rich invest offshore, it's not going to be an election winner.
I'd love to see an inspirational leader arise in NZ politics. Someone we could actually get excited about rather than voting for the best of a bad lot. Is there no-one with ideas that could actually change the way this country plods along? No-one to shake off the constant negative comparisons with other places?
Instead, we are left with bland compromise as the average compete with the mediocre. I am put in mind of Orwell's ending to Animal Farm as I look from man to sheep and sheep to man, I really can't tell the difference.

Don't forget to checkout my other blog on my site at www.freelancewriter.co.nz

Nothing Matters by Ronald Green - A Review

2011-09-29T08:22:00.000+13:00

Nothing Matters - A Book About Nothing

By Ronald Green

A book about nothing. The title intrigued me. Far more than Seinfeld’s ‘show about nothing’ which rarely made me laugh.

Green begins his philosophical discourse with an explanation of the historical importance of nothing. I knew that the zero (Green’s first description of nothing) had been brought to Europe from the Arabic countries in medieval times, but what I didn’t know about was the controversy it caused. Green describes clearly why the concept of nothing was so disturbing to the established church. If God is eternal there can never be a time when there was nothing.

Green traces the concept of nothing, in the form of the zero, from India through the Middle East before its uncomfortable acceptance in Europe, a journey which took much longer than you might expect.

Having explored some historical attempts to understand nothing and the problems it caused, Green turns his attention to artistic attempts to portray nothing. Describing nothing this time as the goal of minimalism, Green tells some entertaining anecdotes about art and nothing. My own favourite relates to when the Mona Lisa was stolen and more people turned up at the Louvre to look at the space where it had been than turned up to look at the actual painting.

Green then returns to religion and nothing. This time he looks not only at Christian interpretations of nothing but also at the other monotheistic religions as well as pantheistic beliefs. It is interesting to see how he finds that every religion, sect and cult has something to say about nothing.

Finally Green focusses on philosophy and its treatment of nothing. Using his idea of the two kinds of nothing- the absence of something or the absence of everything- Green argues that many of the great philosophers were discussing the wrong kind of nothing. He even suggests that nothing is so central to the existence of humankind that it is probably beyond our understanding.

This is not a book to be dipped into or skimmed over a coffee break. Green writes very clearly and with a great deal of humour, but he is dealing with ideas that perhaps go to the very core of what it means to be human. That he can do so without the nihilistic melancholy of so many of the people he quotes is a tribute to his writing skills. Would I recommend this book? Yes, with the proviso that if you choose to read it you give the time and thought it deserves. You can buy the book on Amazon by clicking here.

Also please don't forget to visit my new website at freelancewriter.co.nz

Building a New Website - Am I a Real Writer Now?

2011-09-26T07:32:00.000+13:00

This blog is a year old now. I admit to being a little slack with it over the last month but I have an excuse. Don't I always? I have a new website which I have actually paid for out of money earned from writing. You can check it out at Freelancewriter.co.nz

Looking at the statistics for this blog I'm actually quite impressed with myself. There have been 57 posts which, despite my inherent laziness, averages at more than one per week. I have published 62 comments, which is not a lot especially when I consider that about 8000 hits have been recorded.

What is more impressive is my work diary which contains details of all the work I have received over the last year and what I had to do to get the jobs. Without exception people have looked at this blog before deciding to hire me. It's really not a bad return for an average of an hour a week spent blogging. I'll have to step it up.

I have also included a blog on the new website So why have two blogs? Well the first reason is that the search engines like new content and a blog is the easiest way to do that. Secondly, I think I'm going to use the website more for promoting my online writing work and this blog for whatever comes into my head.

So that's about it from me for now. There are now two places on the web to go to get your dose of Callaghan. Please check out the new website at www.freelancewriter.co.nz and let me know your feedback. Like everything I do it's still a work in progress.

Bad Blood by Pat Whitaker - A Review

2011-08-25T15:09:00.000+12:00

Bad Blood by Pat Whitaker is a very interesting take on the vampire genre. I have to admit that I'm not usually a fan of vampires. I thought that Bram Stoker's Dracula was OK, but I was unable to get more than a few pages into Twilight before I threw the book across the room. Teen angst when you live forever doesn't set my veins afire in the slightest.

Whitaker however takes a very different approach. Bad Blood is only partly a vampire tale. Instead the story unfolds in the course of a serial killer investigation. This particular killer drains his victims of blood but none of the characters seem gullible enough to actually believe in white-faced princes of darkness. In fact a large part of the book is devoted to looking at what fragments of truth there might be behind the mythology of vampires.

Pat Whitaker is a fellow member of SpecFicNZ, the NZ society for writers of speculative fiction. I have met him a couple of times and I was interested in reading this book because of the way that he talks about his research. Pat likes his speculative fiction firmly based in reality. He says in his forward that all the facts he reveals in his novel are true with the exception of the names of two drugs which he has changed, because they are used to dope the victims.

The story is set in England, and seems realistic enough despite Whitaker living in NZ. Perhaps that old writer's cliche of "write what you know" should now be updated to "write what Wikipedia and Google Earth know". Whatever, there were no clunking irregularities as far as I could see.

The novel itself is fairly short at about 65-70000 words. Whitaker says that this is because he likes to read a story at single or at most two sittings himself. I enjoyed the book, Whitaker has a clear prosaic style that is informative without being at all preachy. The story itself coasts along at a good pace and the characters are mostly believable. I did struggle a little with the reason for choosing to drain the blood of the victims, as this is not really made clear, but apart from that minor quibble Bad Blood is well worth a read. It's not earth shattering great literature, but it is intelligent and entertaining.

London Riots- A Cockney ex-pat's view

2011-08-11T09:01:00.000+12:00

So is the new sport for the London Olympics going to be the hundred metre sprint with a TV on your shoulder? And will they find the looters in the next few days because they will be the ones wearing new trainers?

The NZ news has been full of the riots in the UK. We have seen images of shops being burnt, vans being overturned and police being rushed. We have a range of reactions from the tory government's "they are criminals, we'll lock them up." to the bleeding hearts' "They are disaffected youth expressing their frustrations."

Is it a revolution? A kind of Hackney Spring? Or is it the last desperate charge of a working class that is no longer permitted to work.

Of course, the right wing view is that punishment is the answer to these problems. Stronger laws will no doubt be enacted. The police will gain extra powers. It's surely only a matter of time before someone calls these angry youths by the latest bogeyman buzzword and declares that they are all terrorists. Probably misled by "those people", you know, the ones who are different from us.

Back in the late seventies and eighties, I was one of many disaffected youth. We believed that society wasn't giving us a fair go. Thatcher and her henchmen told us that society no longer existed. That the market would be the definition of how humans interacted in the future.

Well guess what? The future is now. Market forces reign supreme. Society, if such a thing still exists, is caught in the throes of a consumerist dogma that judges us by how much we have, not by what we can contribute. And if there is an underclass that sees these things but is not permitted to have them, then isn't anger inevitable?

For too long the politicians have relied on the political apathy of the masses to maintain order. The leaders of the world have showed that they cannot control the market forces they have substituted for responsibility. Instead of plunging us from financial crisis to recession to financial crisis, might now be a time to look at some fundamentals?

3 Questions to Ask Before You Take on a New Freelance Client

2011-07-07T11:12:00.000+12:00

It can be a scramble to develop your freelance writing business. When there are bills to pay and the jobs seem few and far between, there is always a temptation to take on writing work that, given less pressure, you might not choose to do. Sometimes this can be beneficial to you and extend your writing in ways you hadn't previously thought of, but there can be other times when the immediate acceptance of a new client could harm your business.

Here are some important questions that a freelance writer should ask before taking on a new client.

1) Can I produce my best quality work for this client?

Most of my work is for clients online. That means that most of my writing will still be available on the net long after I have spent their payments. Other clients will check out my work and if it's not as good as it should be, then I won't get more work. Also if I provide writing to the highest possible standard then there is much more chance of getting repeat work from the original client.. Or even a recommendation or two. If there is a chance that you could produce sub-standard work then you should refuse to do the work. There's quite enough rubbish on the net without professional freelancers adding to it.

2) Is the subject matter likely to harm my future prospects?

I try to sell a lot of my work to companies that promote sustainable and ethical products. I have written for environmentalist groups and organic farming/gardening promoters. That's one of the niches that I am developing for myself. If I was to suddenly write pieces promoting nuclear power or genetic engineering then those clients might no longer be interested in my work. A freelancer needs to maintain integrity with all his work. It takes a long time to build a reputation but only a few sentences to trash it.

3) Is the company reputable?

It's always worth googling a company and scrolling down the results page. See if you can find out what other people are saying about the company. If there are things that make you suspicious then it's probably best to pass the company by. I was recently offered some well paid work from a company I won't name. I had never heard of the company before but their website looked very professional. I was getting quite excited about the prospects until I checked out what other people were saying. There was a warning on a government website that specifically mentioned this company. They weren't saying that the company was dishonest exactly, just that there were questions about some of their methods. It was enough for me to send an email saying thanks, but no thanks.

It can be hard, slow work getting freelance writing gigs that pay a decent amount of money. That doesn't mean that you should just accept anything though. If you insist on maintaining your integrity and always do your best, it might take time to build up your client list, but that list will be far more profitable in the long run.

So what things do you ask about new clients before you take them on? Are there red flags that send you running for the hills? I'd love to hear your comments.

Using Small Ideas

2011-06-28T08:23:00.001+12:00

About a month ago I took up Wing Chun Kung Fu with dreams of improving my flexibility and, who knows, maybe even losing a bit of the belly. I wasn't expecting that the physical workouts would give me a new insight into my writing. But that seems to be what is happening.
I'm a total novice with Wing Chun. And one of the first things that my teachers are explaining to me is the basic form known as Sil Lim Tao. This translates loosely as the "way of small ideas". It is a set of subtle movements that allow one's body to find the shapes that are needed for the combat style. One difference between Wing Chun and other martial arts is that it tends to block and strike all in one movement. And that made me think about how I sell my writing and use that same writing as an advert to sell more.

If the Sil Lim Tao is a kind of encyclopaedia for my body movements, then grammar, spelling, style and tone are the basic building blocks of my writing. Just as when I get better at Wing Chun I will be able to use the movements in an infinite number of combinations, so too can I use the building blocks of my writing. And just as the goal with Wing Chun is to have no wasted movements I'd really like that to happen with my writing. Just imagine what a wonderful world there could be without rejections.

The name of the Wing Chum Academy that I belong to, Qian Li Dao, can mean the way to hidden talents. I don't think that my writing talents have been particularly hidden for a while, at least not from me. But as I think about the ways that I can make them work for me I am very conscious of the need to do more than one thing at a time with them. Strike and block. Sell and market. I work hard, but there's nothing wrong with working smart too.

Paid Blogging Work

2011-06-16T08:19:00.001+12:00

I have been a bit slack with posting on this blog over the last month or two. Not that it seems to have hurt my visitor numbers which are steadily climbing. So thanks and welcome to all new readers. I am tempted to stop writing altogether here, just to see if that makes my blog go viral, but perhaps that's not one of my better ideas.
There is a reason why I haven't been posting here. I have had a fair bit of work for other sites that have actually been paying me money. That's real (well, electrical numbers) money in my bank. And I'm loving it.
I have spent much of the last two years reading what the marketing gurus and social media experts say about building an audience and making lots of money, as well as the freelancing masters telling me how to get work. I have to say that I haven't been following things according to the letter of their instructions.
For example, I was subscribed to an email newsletter about personal finance. I had originally subscribed to this while writing for Good Cents. That work came to an end and after a few weeks I realised that I wasn't reading the newsletter as much as I should, mostly due to email overload rather than any reflection on the newsletter itself. So I unsubscribed. Within a couple of days I received a personal email from Andrew Schrage at MoneyCrashers asking me why I had unsubscribed. I explained as above, keeping things light and friendly. Andrew came back and offered me some work blogging for them. It didn't work out for me as my personal finance skills are fairly limited and Andrew wanted someone who had a more technical understanding of the investment sector. But, he will keep me in mind for future lifestyle type pieces. If you have the skills in investment or other personal finance check out MoneyCrashers and contact them with an an offer they can't refuse.
My latest blogging gig is for Commentarista. I first saw their advert over at Problogger's job board. But I didn't see their advert until a week after it had been posted so I missed out on the job. However, I liked what I saw on the site. A mixture of news, comment and humour is right up my alley, so I followed them on Twitter.
I retweeted several of their articles and then they came to me and offered some work.
So what am I saying here? You never know where the next job will come from. Being friendly with the people you meet online can be profitable but it shouldn't be the reason you are friendly in the first place. Just be yourself, be nice and have fun. You might even get some writing work from it.

Shantaram A Novel by Gregory David Roberts -Book Review

2011-06-03T07:23:00.000+12:00

Shantaram is set in Mumbai and is almost as vast and sprawling as the city itself. It's over 900 pages of intelligent and dense narrative intertwined with a philosophical outlook that Gregory David Roberts developed while living much of the story himself.
Shantaram tells the story of Linbaba, a fugitive convict from Australia who finds himself living in Bombay in the 1980s. Having read Roberts' bio on his website it is obvious that the book, while dramatized for effect, follows his own experiences fairly closely. Roberts details the seedy side of life in Bombay from the slums to the prisons to the black markets and the Bombay mafia for whom he worked. Shantaram contrasts this with the glamour of Bollywood but makes no attempt to hide the connections between the two.
But for me it wasn't the action of the novel that made the biggest impression nor was it the philosophy. Instead I found myself enthralled with the accuracy of the language from the many Indian characters. I love the lyricism that Indians bring to spoken English and Roberts captures this superbly. The slum dweller, Prabaker, in particular lives on in my mind as a joyful example of the strength and humour of the Indian poor.
An interesting point in this novel is that Roberts does not try to make himself out to be any kind of hero. For much of the novel his alter-ego, Linbaba, is not a very likable person. What saves the character, as someone the reader cares about, is the wistful regret that also permeates the pages from the older and wiser Roberts who tells us this story.
The obvious book to compare with Shantaram is Henri Charriere's Papillon. Both books deal with prison escapers who go to live in cultures very different from their own. Both protagonists are treated monstrously by the legal system but find their salvation, of sorts, in learning to love. Papillon has stayed with me for over thirty years since I first read it. I have a feeling that Shantaram might very well do the same.

Bread and Circuses

2011-04-30T12:08:00.000+12:00

This morning I felt like only person in the world who didn't bother watching THE WEDDING. There was rugby and basketball on the other channels, so that's what I watched. I've never been much of a basketball fan but it was more entertaining than watching the undeserving rich add to Britain's financial deficit.
I must admit that, after the sport, I did flick the remote to see what was happening. Firstly there were second rate journalists interviewing children, then a couple of plummy voiced old codgers talking about the historical importance of the day, before the sheeplike masses were herded down the Mall by the organisation I still think of as Thatcher's stormtroopers - the Metropolitan Police.
So I have a few questions. How many libraries do you close to pay for pomp and circumstance? How is the marriage of someone who owes his position to the fact that his ancestors were more despicable than mine thought to be historic? How many kids could have been educated for the cost of that dress? Did the news have to carry the build up to the wedding in the first, third, fourth and fifth stories of the night? Did nothing else happen in the world at all yesterday?
I'll leave you with the quote that has been running through my mind all week:

the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses
Juvenal, Satire 10.77–81

Autumn Inspiration from New Zealand

2011-04-12T10:59:00.000+12:00

As those of you in the Northern hemisphere gear up for summer, here in NZ it's autumn. This morning it's crisp and sunny. There are no clouds in the sky at all, and the bright southern sunlight is sparkling on our evergreen native trees and picking out the reds and yellows of the deciduous exotics.

Paraparaumu Beach with Gulls and Kapiti Island

I took the dog to the beach this morning. The tide was very low and the grey volcanic sands were flat and clean. With barely a breath of wind the sea was as smooth as blue glass. Our island bird sanctuary, Kapiti, seemed much closer than the 5kms offshore I know it is. I looked to the South and there, 120kms away, were the peaks of the Kaikoura Ranges. They are still dark on the horizon now, but the seasonal coolness promises snow on the mountains before long. To the North West, Mount Taranaki loomed in splendid isolation. Can it really be a three hour drive away?
With the tide so low, the birds were having a field day. Shellfish beds were uncovered and both pied and black oyster catchers were squabbling loudly over the takings. Their darting runs at each other always bring a smile to my face. A pair of little black shags zoomed over the gently lapping shoreline, less than a meter above the water. In reality they were probably hunting for fish, but to my whimsical turn of mind this morning, they were having fun, just flying low and fast because they could.

Pied Oyster Catcher

As I walked up the beach I saw five other people. A walker, two runners and two dog exercisers. Seeing that many people in 50 minutes is a busy day on this beach. Near the estuary of the Waikanae River was a huge mixed flock of gulls, black capped, black backed and snow white. In his younger days the dog would have taken great pleasure in galloping through the sitting birds and not catching any of them. But he's getting old now, content to plod along beside me and leave the birds to themselves.
I realise on days like this, just how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful place. I really shouldn't ever moan about a lack of inspiration

Blogging for Money

2011-04-04T20:40:00.000+12:00

When I started this blog I thought that it would be mainly an advert for my writing and my writing services. That has happened to a certain extent, but what seems to be happening more and more is that this blog has become a way of demonstrating my skills as a blogger.
As a regular visitor to the jobs board at Problogger over the last few weeks I have picked up a few paid blogging gigs. The reason I like Problogger rather than other blogging job boards is that the payments are generally quite reasonable. I have looked at quite a lot of adverts for bloggers and content writers from other sites and far too many are offering $1-2 per post. I'm just not prepared to work for so little.
I am focussed on providing good quality content for those who understand what this means. It does cut down the options for the amount of people I can pitch my services to, but I don't have time to waste on writing that offers very low pay and a fairly good chance of not getting it anyway. This blog is becoming a platform to demonstrate my ability to write for the higher paying gigs. I'm not a millionaire yet, but maybe one of these days.
So, I have been published over the last month or so on the following sites.
Quips and Tips From the Working World is a site that reviews jobs and careers while putting a more human face on career planning. It has been fun writing these posts.
PSFK was a step outside my usual comfort zone and required me to write about the latest trends in gadgets, arts and lifestyle. Fairly intense deadlines gave me a chance to test my writing discipline and I'm proud to say that I didn't miss a single one.
World edu is more related to my passions for the environment and sustainability. Interesting work and a popular site.
Of course it's not all about money. With the start of the football season here in NZ I have started writing match reports for my daughter's football team at Females In Football. No pay at all for this one but I love watching the games. And if anyone is interested in becoming a sponsor for the Kapiti Coast's most successful Women's Football team head on over and have a look.

Thinking of Christchurch

2011-03-03T08:31:00.000+13:00

There have been times over the last few months, when I have been tempted to feel a bit sorry for myself. You know, I didn't win a writing competition, or an editor rejected my submission or, horror of horrors, my submissions were ignored altogether. Those fairly trifling upsets have been put into perspective by the devastation cause by last week's earthquake in Christchurch. In just a few seconds, people had their lives completely turned upside down, often literally.

There have been some awful stories emerging from the quake damage but there have been some wonderful positives too. For a start the people who want to help with the recovery, both in New Zealand and across the world. The morning after the quake my inbox was full of concerned emails asking if I was OK. (I live on the other Island and the quake did not directly affect me at all). University students have been out in force clearing the streets of the silt and mud that is the result of liquefaction. Farmers have headed into Christchurch with their tractors and earthmoving equipment to help with the rescues and recovery. And Urban Search and Rescue teams have come from across the globe to help the people of Christchurch in their darkest hour. The Red Cross, as well as many other aid organisations, have been inundated with donations from food to blankets to toys.

The news of the last couple of days is that most of these organisations now have enough basic materials. You can help more by donating money for the victims of the Christchurch earthquake. This is a resilient country. Christchurch will be rebuilt. But for now people need financial help.

Job Profiles and Blogging Success

2011-02-22T09:34:00.000+13:00

It's only Tuesday and it feels like it's been a good week already. It feels like feast or famine with this self promoting malarkey and this has been a bit of a feast week.

Since the beginning of the weekend I have had: two requests for me to blog for other people; a recommendation from a friend that I be considered as a freelance writer for a government department; and have started writing job profiles for yet another blog. I'm not quite ready to go and buy the Aston Martin this week, but it is all very encouraging. Oh, and I had another featured blog post on RedGage. I'll talk some more about social network/content platform RedGage in my next post, because today I want to talk about getting some help from you that could help your business.

I have started writing job profiles for Quips and Tips and, while I have a few people lined up with interesting jobs that I can profile, I'd really like to make this an ongoing gig. That's where you come in. What is your regular job? Could you complete a simple email interview about your job? It's only five questions and shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes of your time. In return I am able to post a picture of you, or your company logo, and a link to your website in a brief bio. As far as I'm aware, the only jobs that aren't required are writers- funny how that's always the easiest one to start off with.

At the top right of this blog is a button that will let you email me. For reasons of too much spam already, I don't want to put my email address right out in plain sight. But if you are keen to promote your business or you just fancy being an interweb 'star' for a while click on the Contact Paul button above and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Don't get upset if I'm not instantaneous in replying. Remember I'm in NZ, and I'm quite possibly sleeping while you are reading. Or if that's too longwinded you can find me on Twitter @cally14.

Eats, Shoots and Leaves- Review Part 2

2011-02-17T11:41:00.000+13:00

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss.
As I said in my last post I got quite excited reading this book. (Short pause for the yelling of "sad pedant"). It's not really a how-to grammar, more a history of how the punctuation marks that some of us love (and others hate) came to be such an important part of the English language. That said, there are plenty of grammatical tips to be had from this excellent little book.

The thing that I like most about Eats, Shoots and Leaves is the easy to read style. It's intelligent without being flashy. This is such a change from the other books on grammar that I have littered around my desk. Fowler's Modern English Usage, for example, seems to specialise in impenetrable sentences that require elastic mental contortions. M.H. Abrams' A Glossary of Literary Terms is written by an academic for other academics. And we all know how much academics love to show off their vocabulary. Even The Elements of Style isn't written in a particularly accessible style. All three are essential reading and rereading for any writer but I have a feeling that Eats, Shoots and Leaves will be sitting at the top of my pile from now on.

I especially like Truss' acceptance of punctuation rules being mostly a matter of style and fashion. Even though I only moved from England to New Zealand (the former colony probably closest in style to English English) there are differences in the way that punctuation is used between the two places. And, when I'm writing for different markets, I always have to check on the required style for each submission. So I'm trying to get over my stubbornly held belief that I know the rules. I just have to go with the flow.

As I sat in my lounge last night reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves, I frequently chuckled out loud. This caused no end of derision from my teenage kids who thought that the idea of reading a book about punctuation was weird in the first place, and that laughing at it was even stranger. I don't really care. I might be a dinosaur and a stickler (to quote Truss), but I do like to write and think about writing proper. And maybe Il'l learn something too.

Rediscovering My Inner Punctuation Pedant

2011-02-15T10:44:00.000+13:00

I usually finish reading a book before I start to review it but in this case I'm going to make an exception. I have begun reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss. With only the introduction and the first chapter read I'm already stirred by the ideas that Lynne raises. Right from the old grammarian's joke on the back cover blurb about the poorly punctuated panda that dines in a cafe, fires a pistol and walks out (eats, shoots and leaves) I was hooked.

It's probably my years as an English teacher that refined my pedantry when it comes to punctuation. But even as a child I remember being horrified by the sales of potato's, tomato's and banana's at our local greengrocer's shop. (And to make things worse my spellcheck hasn't picked up those mistakes in the last sentence.) In these days of texts and facebook it would seem that I'm one of a dying few who actually use punctuation. Is there any point in punctuation any more?

Well, actually, I think there is. Lynne Truss gives the same example that I used to show in the classroom. After marking yet another thirty or so essays with nary a hint of punctuation, I would begin my rant to the uncaring teens. Usually one bright spark would tell me that punctuation doesn't matter nowadays. At this point I would barely control the raging beast within my heart and scrawl on the whiteboard:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

This usually got the attention of the female members of the class and they would begin the regulation catcalls of “sexist”.

So, not wanting to upset the girls too much, I would remove the commas and re-punctuate.

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

Having now upset all the males in the class, I would set some silent grammar practice and pray for the bell.

Much of the internet seems to be a punctuation free zone. But it's the little things that matter. Punctuation is like manners. When it's good you don't notice it. But, when wrong, it grates on those of us who care about the finer points of life. And perhaps I am a dinosaur for caring about apostrophes, commas, colons and quotation marks. What do you think? Are punctuation marks doomed to extinction? Or do you have little pet hates about the poor use of the smallest parts of our written language? I'd love to read your comments.

Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation

And the New Zealander of the Year is...

2011-02-03T08:58:00.001+13:00

Paul Callaghan!!

Aww shucks folks! It was nothing. No really. Nothing.

Nothing to do with me that is. Sir Paul Callaghan, NZ's top scientist, was awarded New Zealander of the Year according to last night's news. Good on him.

I have had a little bit to do with the other Paul Callaghan without ever meeting him. I quite regularly get phone calls for him. And some people can get quite upset when I tell them I'm not "that" Paul Callaghan. They usually ask, "Are you sure?" Identity crisis time. I have to check the label in the back of my shirt where my wife writes my name in big friendly letters. Normally, I'm still me.

I once wrote an article for The Dominion Post, Wellington's daily newspaper. I was paid promptly a week or two later. A couple of months later another cheque arrived for an article published in the Dom with the byline Paul Callaghan. My memory is not what it once was but I do tend to remember getting published. Or at least writing the article. I looked up the article. Some sciency stuff. Not my cup of tea really. I have to admit I was tempted, but I sent the cheque back. It was nice to see that I got paid more than him though.

So, congratulations Sir Paul. Firstly on your latest award. But mostly for having a really cool name.

Fed Up With Spammers? Me Too.

2011-01-28T09:04:00.000+13:00

I opened my email this morning and once again there are fifty entries in the spam box. And three or four that made it through to my inbox. And these things just keep coming. Even when I filter them.

It's a 21st Century phenomenon. We are busier than ever and we are blasted with more irrelevant garbage than ever before. And a person could get offended if he was to think that these spam emails were personally targeted. I mean this morning I received offers to grow my genitals and improve my staying power and meet hot Christian singles. Not too sure about that last bit, if they are Christian why are they trawling the net looking for my tiny premature bits?

There were also about eight offers for various credit cards. Let me think about this. I have money problems, therefore I will give my bank details to companies I have never heard of, who contact me via the most anonymous means available to offer me credit cards that no-one will ever accept. Sounds like a plan.

There's one that shows up in my spam box fairly regularly with the subject line "this is why you are fat". Apparently insulting me is the best way that these people can come up with to sell me something (I can't tell you what they are selling because I always just hit the delete button).

I do sometimes read the begging letters from the scam artists who want me to move huge sums of money through my bank account. It's a bit of a laugh seeing the problems they have with spelling, capital letters and punctuation. The latest one has the line "I am christian Good man with, a large fortune to move into busines and I ma needing help with you." It makes you want to slap every English teacher in Nigeria if this is the best they can come up with.

I wonder what sites I clicked on that say I am in the market for holidays at teenage resorts in Mexico? Or satellite internet from a company in Bangalore? Both are regulars in my spam box. And that's part of it too. These spam emails are so bad that a computer programme like Google's spam filter can pick most of them out without any problem. There's an old saying that if things sound too good to be true they probably are, but with spam it's often that they are too crap to be true as well.

Irritant or Inspiration?

2011-01-22T11:34:00.000+13:00

My modem broke this week. My internet speed drooped from the fairly sluggish levels that we call broadband here in NZ, down past dial up and into the realms of go and make a coffee while I wait for google to load. And then it died completely. So no internet. Bit of a problem for an online writer.

I bought a new modem but, of course, things never run smoothly Chez Callaghan. The modem told me it was working but I still had no web connection. I had to get Wayne, from RCS Computers, who sold me the new modem, to come out and try to set it up. I didn't feel quite so stupid when he couldn't get it going either. But still no internet. On the third day without the net I was getting a little annoyed, but eventually Wayne arrived with yet another modem and sorted things out for me. It's so much better dealing with local experts who care about service, rather than the minimum wage slaves at the chain stores. I know where I'm going next time I need to upgrade.

But, to look on the bright side, I put more words on the screen in those three days without the net than I did in the previous week. I used the evenings to go and see friends and have a quick look over my emails. Not wanting to be rude at their houses I quickly prioritised the emails into those that needed immediate attention and those that could wait. And you know what? Most could wait. In fact nearly all of them could wait. So how much time do I spend reading unimportant emails when I could be writing?

So I'm going to rearrange my work. Emails can wait until late in the day when I'm more likely to be reading and less likely to be writing. And, as much of my surfing tends to be as a result of emails I receive, this will also help me focus on the writing. I expect that while I'm writing I will come up on questions that I need to research before continuing. So there will still be some of my writing time that is used online.

So that's my new mantra for getting stuff done. Seat of pants on seat of chair. Cut the distractions. And write.

Joy Cowley - Navigation, A Memoir- Review

2011-01-18T13:39:00.000+13:00

I have just finished reading Joy Cowley's Navigation- A Memoir. I thoroughly enjoyed her style and the book was easy to read and, despite the trials and tribulation she has put up with in her life, the overwhelming feeling is one that suits her name- joy.

For those who have not come across Joy Cowley before, she is New Zealand's leading writer for children. She has also written adult novels and stories, some of which have been made into films. She is also one of the driving forces behind Storylines a charitable trust dedicated to children's literature.

She makes clear in her introduction that she had no intention of writing an autobiography, preferring instead the less definitive memoir form but you still get a real sense of the life she has led. It certainly hasn't been easy for her. From her poverty stricken childhood with a deaf father and a mentally ill mother, through her first marriage which produced four children and a miscarriage which left her unable to have more children before ending in divorce, the death of her second husband, the accident that almost claimed the life of her son and her own battles with depression Cowley seems to be able to see beyond the pain and returns constantly to her main theme of the importance of story.

There is plenty of humour in the memoir. From Cowley's early desire to own a motorbike and her disappointment when her father 'helped' her to her interaction with her audience of children. Cowley shows quite clearly how dedicated to the story you have to be in order to make a living writing.

I came away from the book quite inspired and even began writing some extremely unreliable memoirs of my own. I may use this blog to show some of these memoirs in future posts but in the meantime I have been encouraged once again to keep writing. I still don't think that children's literature is for me but I have a better understanding of what goes into it.

Organisation for Writers

2011-01-12T09:30:00.000+13:00

How do you keep yourself organised?
Are you one of these people who has a place for everything and everything goes in its place? Do you keep lists of things to do and things accomplished? Do you use spreadsheets? Diaries? Bits of old chip paper shoved into your back pocket?
I'm making a real effort this year to get more organised in my writing, in my finances and my life generally. I have always believed that a tidy desk is the sign of a diseased mind. But as I write this I can see the top of my desk (who knew it was wooden?) and I have a to-do list with a couple of things ticked off already. Admittedly the list, which I write before going to bed, includes things like: get up, shower and make coffee; but by the time I make the long commute -almost 18 metres- from the kitchen to the keyboard I can tick those off while I wait for the computer to load up. A sense of achievement before I even open an email!
This to-do list is all new to me. But so far it seems to be working. As well as things to-do I add a minimum time to be spent doing each task. For some of those, like reading blogs, there has to be a maximum time too I've added a couple of chapters to the ebook, I have edited the first ones that I wrote in October and I have a new short story in first draft. At the moment, I'm still waiting for the price of diaries to drop, as they do every year in February, so that I can put my to-do lists in a 2011 diary rather than the empty pages of last year's one. But organisation needn't be expensive, especially as I want to make more money this year than I did last year.
The other thing I want to organise is my books. There's a couple of dictionaries by my desk but other books are scattered throughout the house. My wife doesn't seem to share my opinion that a canyon from the computer to the fridge, the bathroom and the reading chair is the best way to organise reading material. I might even give some of my books to the charity shop. Not too many though.
So what are you doing to organise your writing life at the moment? I'd love to hear and to be honest there are probably many ideas that I haven't though of but may well be good for me. Suggestions are most welcome.

My Top Three Targets for Improving my Writing Income in 2011

2011-01-06T08:09:00.000+13:00

Happy New Year to everyone. My Christmas got a little busier than I expected so I have been away from the keyboard for a bit. I started to suffer writing withdrawal symptoms but I managed to cure them by using a pen and a notebook. Funny how writing in a different format can be so refreshing. Now I'm raring to get on with the new year, some new challenges and, hopefully, some new successes.

I have spent the last day or so making a list of the things that I want to accomplish this year. I don't want to call them resolutions as I don't think I have ever kept a New Year's Resolution, so let's call them targets.

Target Number 1 - Finishing the first ebook.

I started my non-fiction ebook back in October. Life got in the way as usual and I have managed to procrastinate superbly. It's about half written and I have my planning notes so the first target is to get it finished and available by the beginning of next month. Given my local target market this should allow me to make some sales in the first week or so. And a chance to iron out some of the kinks before it appeals to larger audiences later in the year.

Target Number 2- Winning 4 fiction contests.

I won three contests last year so I intend to up the ante this year and win at least four. I'm also upping the stakes as I won't be entering the contests that don't pay cash. Last year's wins included a couple of books and one for the glory, but this year I want the money. Probably the best way to start that is to only enter contests that have a cash prize. Sounds like a plan.

Target Number 3- Increasing my income from editing.

When I started freelance writing I never really expected to make good money from editing other people's work. But all those years of checking and correcting work for teenagers have made me realise that many adults make similar errors. And I can spot them and correct them. And I enjoy doing it. It's a little sad that I've become a pedant in my old age but hey, if I can make some cash it's all good.

So those are my main targets for the year. It wasn't until I put them down on this blog that I realised that they are distinct in terms of the area of writing that I am aiming at. Non-fiction, fiction and editing. Niches might be a good thing but over-specialisation is for insects.

My 3 Top Tips for Editing Your Writing

2010-12-20T15:39:00.000+13:00

I've been going over the writing that I've sold or had published elsewhere this year and something stood out. The works that have made money or been accepted by editors have all been edited as harshly as possible. So I thought I'd share a few things that I do when I'm editing.

1) The First Draft

This is the bit where I ignore editing completely. I write without worrying too much about sense or pace or anything else really. Being a former English teacher, I find that my spelling and grammar are usually OK as it has become second nature to me over the years. But I know that for people who struggle a bit with spelling this is the time when they find it best to let go of the restraints and just let the words flow.

2) Reading Out Loud

The next step on my path to effective writing is to read my work out loud. I usually read to my writing partner who is ever present by the side of my desk. He's not up to much on the constructive criticism front but he listens well and he never tells me that I'm crap.

My writing partner in full listening mode

The best thing about reading out loud is that because I speak English all day and every day I'm an expert in spoken English. My ear picks up things that my eyes sometimes miss. Any of those little errors of grammar or syntax are easier to notice. I also get an idea of the pace of the writing. I get to cut out the repetition and maybe change the order of the things that I've written to make things a bit more readable.

3) Cut Out the Adverbs

If you are using adverbs, the chances are you are also using weak verbs or redundancy. Cut them out. Unless you are JK Rowling, you probably won't be able to get your stuff published with lots of adverbs. And Joanne, when you read this there's no offence intended, it's just that the rest of us mere mortals have to follow some rules.

As a basic reference I like to use a formula that I found in Stephen King's On Writing: 10th Anniversary Edition: A Memoir of the Craft

Draft 2 = Draft 1 – 10%.

So what do you do for your editing? I'm always keen to pick up some tips so leave me a comment below.

Competitions for Writers

2010-12-07T11:22:00.000+13:00

I have just received an email from Cheryl Wright to say that she has reduced the price of her ebook I Wanna Win from $19.99 to $4.99. She is going to retire this book shortly so get in quick if you want to make the most of this cool ebook that gives lots of advice on how to win writing competitions.

And talking of competitions, I recently wrote a review of Pride and Prejudice over at ergofiction.com. While I was doing a bit of research for the review I came across this little comp. Its called Bad Austen and the competition is to go into an anthology of Jane Austen parodies, due for publication in the (northern hemisphere) autumn of next year.

Leaf books, a website from Wales also has regular competitions. Most are pay to enter but I have checked out this site and have only heard good things so far.

I have had varying success with competitions this year but I have grabbed my copy of I Wanna Win at the special price and I'm hoping for better things to come.

Just a short one from me today as I have to write some guest blog posts for other sites. More on that later.

A Memoir of a Momentous Day

2010-12-03T14:07:00.000+13:00

Fifteen years ago today my life got quite exciting.

My darling daughter, you've heard this story before but I thought I ought to write it down.

***

At some ungodly hour of the night our two year old son climbed into our bed and snuggled back to sleep. So did I until his mother woke me at about eight o'clock that Sunday morning.

"I've started" she said. "You should ring your mum."

Adrenaline plus.
Leap from bed into one leg of my jeans. A garbled wake up call to Mum, Dad and Sis. I think I managed to tell them that the baby was coming. Not necessarily in the right order, but I'm sure all the words were there.

My wife, calm and sensible as ever. "Tell them there's no rush. I'll probably be ages yet. Make us a cup of tea"

I needed tea. My wife wanted a bath. I boiled the kettle then joined her in the bathroom. Perched on the lid of the loo I looked at her stomach, smooth and tight as a drum. Except it was clenching. Quite regularly.

"I'm going to time these contractions." I said with a degree of calmness and knowledge that couldn't have been further from how I felt. I looked at my watch. Every fifteen seconds I could see the movements that went on for ages. Hmm? What did that mean?

"I need to lie down. Now. Help me to the bed."

Our double bed was full of two year old sleeping boy. His single bed in the box room was closer anyway. I half carried my wife there, dabbing with a towel as we went. Having helped her to lay down,I tossed her one of my cruddy old t-shirts and ran for the phone.

I dialed 999.

"You have reached emergency services. All our operators are currently engaged. Your call is being held in a queue and will be dealt with shortly."

What the ...?! I stared in horror at the handset. No you can't fu...

"My waters have broken!"

I slammed down the phone and sprinted back to the box room.

I showed off my vast intelligence at that point.

"Darling, the head's coming. Can you see it?"

My wife said something like I'm kind of preoccupied at the moment and that's not a very clever question. Something like that anyway. Shorter words maybe.

I took up a goalkeeping stance and guided the purple lump into the world. She took a breath as I lifted her onto her mother's stomach and that magical colour change ran across her skin. She became a beautiful pink baby.

We sat there on that cold December day in Hackney staring at our new daughter. After a few minutes, an hour? a week? I went back to the phone and called 999 again. Feeling cocky now, I asked the operator (a live one this time) to send an ambulance as I had delivered my daughter and needed someone to sweep up. The operator put me back in my place when she asked if I had wrapped the baby up. Oops! I put down the phone and grabbed the raggedest towel from the laundry cupboard to wrap the baby in.

Our flat was only a couple of hundred metres walk from the hospital and within five minutes I had been ushered out of the box room while three midwives, still puffing from their sprint, took over. Then the ambulance arrived and the paramedics. Then the phone rang. I picked it up and my wife's posh and pushy friend from New Zealand demanded to speak to the mother of my children.

I told her friend that she couldn't speak just now as I had just delivered my daughter. As I spoke my parents and sister walked through the door. People on opposite sides of the world found out about this wonderful new life at exactly the same time.

Outside, the church bells rang.

Happy Birthday my little girl.