I feel rather bemused by the decision. Is there something wrong with sex? I don’t believe so. In which case, there can’t be anything wrong with writing about sex. And, in fact, it’s a very moral book, in my opinion, aimed at serious couples, not those looking for one-night stands. Among the ‘60 Wrong Ways’ I’ve included such errors as having affairs, not practising safe sex, drinking too much, and expecting your partner to act like a porn star. I stand behind what I’ve written. If you think oral sex is immoral (it isn’t), or that ‘Tantric’ techniques are immoral (they aren’t), then you may agree with Kindle’s decision. But I don’t think many people would say it was balanced.

I now look forward to achieving the success of those who have preceded me by being banned. Meanwhile, keep on enjoying sex.

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I try to get some exercise most days, even if it’s only a walk. But since getting here the level has been really intense. Hours every day. And I’ve noticed it in bed. Yes, I’ve also noticed a few aches and pains and by the end of the day I’m exhausted. But in the morning…

And this goes for women as well as men. If your libido, performance and responsiveness aren’t what you’d like them to be, embark on a really serious exercise programme.

A word of caution. If you’re not used to exercise or you know you have health problems, consult your doctor first. Maybe even get a professional to design an exercise programme for you. Build up slowly, if necessary. But aim eventually to achieve something like an hour every other day and you’ll definitely notice a difference.

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What I would always have liked is a passport that said ‘Europe’.  To have been a citizen of a fabulous country that stretched from the Atlantic to the Black Sea, and from inside the Arctic Circle to the Mediterranean. A country that included Amsterdam, Athens, Barcelona, Berlin, London, Paris, Rome, Venice, Vienna and many other great cities. A country that included the Alps, the Pyrenees, the Sierra Nevada, the Pindus, and the Carpathians.

Why would I swap that dream for citizenship of a tiny, wet, little country that has no good snowboarding, where you can only swim in the sea a few weeks a year, and where you need to wear oilskins to go sailing?

Far from seeing the European Union as a co-operation for mutual benefit, the British have viewed the whole thing more like a war. The talk has always been of ‘fighting’ for British interests, rather than working together to promote everyone’s interests. That’s not an attitude that promotes happiness, nor one that will make the world a better place.

Unfortunately, following the events of Friday 9^th December 2011, the dream seems further away. If Britain leaves the EU I’d like to emigrate, not to Spain where I now live, nor to France where I once lived, but to Europe.

How many others out there would like to be Europeans? Leave your comments, please.

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That’s just one anecdote from my latest e-book A Little History Of Love, a collection of 50 essays on everything from Abelard and Heloise to wooing techniques in ancient Rome.

If your wife, girlfriend or mistress has an e-reader (or is getting one for Christmas), what could be more perfect than buying A Little History Of Love to go with it?

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Only 12 per cent scored themselves a five or lower, which is bad news for sales of my books How To Be Happier and Transform Your Life With NLP.

Nevertheless, I’m very pleased for all those people – if their scores paint a true picture.

But I don’t believe they do.

As a writer on happiness it might be a good idea for me to lie and say I’m a permanent 10 myself. But I’m not. The key question is this. What would 10/10 happiness feel like?

I’d really like to hear your thoughts.

To get things rolling I’ll tell you how, to me, the state of 10 would be. Something like this:

• ·         The exhilaration I feel on a beautiful sunny winter’s day gliding through off-piste powder at La Grave (and doing it better than I do now).
• ·         Combined with the ecstasy I feel when I practise Tantric sex.
• ·         Combined with the euphoria I have very occasionally felt in the aftermath of a meditation session.
• ·         Combined with the complete absence of fear about anything at all.
• ·         Combined with love, given and received.
• ·         Combined with almost uncontrollable laughter at the finest practitioners of the custard pie.

And that would have to be non-stop, all day.

So that’s my 10/10. I’m wondering if the people who scored themselves a ten actually felt something like that. Or do they just set the set the bar much lower? Over to you. What to you would be a ten? Comments please.

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After quite a lot of research I’ve come up with 60 Wrong Ways To Have Sex (which will be available as an e-book in the ‘Shop’ very soon). I’d say the biggest mistake both sexes make is failing to communicate openly. Almost everything else stems from that. Most people find it very difficult to say what they want in bed. And just as hard to find a way of saying what they don’t want.

It’s rather silly in a way. You don’t want to say anything in case your partner gets upset or thinks less of you. Meanwhile your partner is thinking exactly the same thing: ‘I can’t say that – it will make me seem completely weird.’ The result is an impasse. Nobody says anything.

That’s probably why sexy board games and erotic dice are so popular – it’s ‘fate’ that tells you what to do.

The great thing about e-books, of course, is that it’s very easy to update them. So what I’d like you to do is send me your selection of biggest mistakes – either ones that you’ve made, or your partners have made, or both.

If I haven’t already got them in my 60 (and assuming they’re suitable for publication) I’ll add them to my book. I’ll credit you in the book or, if you prefer, you can be anonymous.

Naturally, I’ve also added how to do it right.

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The supposed conflict between the flesh and the spirit was the theme of just about everything written by Nikos Kazantzakis. For that reason I shouldn’t really like his books. But I do. In examining one side of the argument he was also compelled to examine the other and, in Zorba The Greek he created a man who relished everything that life on Earth has to offer.

That’s why I love that character. If you want to be happy you have to stop beating yourself up for being a human being. Enjoy yourself. And if you’re not sure how, read Zorba The Greek as a start. And then, maybe, How To Be Happier.

If you agree or disagree let’s hear from you – just click on ‘comment’.

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A standard NLP method is to visualize a scene in which you succeed in doing what you’re afraid of. The problem with that approach is that when you’re really terrified of something it can completely hijack your visualization. In other words, you can’t even imagine yourself succeeding. Each time you try you only ever see yourself failing. As a result, your fear increases.

So this is what I wrote to her:

I have a fear of heights that goes way beyond normal caution and I haven’t been able to cure it with NLP. One of the problems with NLP visualization – it seems to me – is that even the visualization itself can be hijacked by fear. For example, I’d be visualizing myself happily walking along the edge of a cliff but then, WHAM, I’d see myself falling over and crashing onto the rocks below. I couldn’t even stop myself visualizing it.

Well, a friend asked me to go canyoning with him. Do you know what that is? You descend a gorge in the mountains, following the course of the water. It’s difficult for a man to turn down a ‘challenge’ from another man so I agreed. As soon as I got there I knew I was in trouble. Ahead of me was a narrow, sombre defile and I could hear the water thundering below.

We put on our wetsuits and harnesses and my friend (who is a mountain guide) took care of the ropes. The first waterfall wasn’t too bad. Maybe a 5 metre drop. I got a grip on myself and abseiled down. Looking up from the pool in which I’d landed I realised I was now trapped. Abseiling down had been nerve-wracking but climbing back up was impossible.

We waded along the stream to the next drop and I realised to my horror that it must be at least 20 metres. I was terrified. And, yes, my heart, too, was pounding as if it would come right through my chest.

Breaking off for a moment, we keep horses – ponies, really. And sometimes with a horse you have to put blinkers on it. You see, a horse has very little power of imagination. If it doesn’t see something it doesn’t worry about it.

Standing above that 20 metre waterfall I knew that either I would have to stay there till I died or I would have to go down. I also knew the only way I could get down was to stop thinking. It wasn’t a situation for thinking positively. It was a situation for not thinking at all. Except, that is, for the very specific things I had to do – clip on the rope, move one foot, move the other foot, let a little rope run through my hand… I didn’t look at anything except the water and rock right in front of my face. Not up, not left, not right, and certainly not down.

Basically, I was in an altered mental state. I had turned off my capacity to imagine, to visualize…

And I did get down. There were several more waterfalls and I handled them all the same way. I didn’t anticipate them. I didn’t think about what would happen if this or that…

All the best, Paul

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Dear Mr Jenner

I always try and satisfy my partner when having sex but I just don’t like it when he licks my privates. I thinks it’s dirty and not normal. Many men seem to think they have got the right to go down there between my legs and I don’t agree. It has caused many rows. I can’t understand it.  I thought licking a woman out was for her enjoyment so if I don’t enjoy it why are some men so insistent? Do men get a sexual kick out of it as well? I’d much rather go straight into proper fucking. Am I abnormal? Do most women like it?  What should I do?

Dear AH,

Cunnilingus (licking the vulva) is certainly not ‘dirty’ and it’s certainly not abnormal. Even back in Kinsey’s day (the 1940s/50s) over half of married couples sometimes did it and most women would probably like more of it, not less. Adding something like whipped cream to the area is quite popular (see photo). Of course, it’s your body and you don’t have to be licked if you don’t want to be. Certainly there are plenty of men who feel, like you, that they’d rather get straight down to ‘proper fucking’. If you don’t already, I’d suggest you explore the possible sensations on your own, using your lubricated fingers on your vulva, and especially on your clitoris. If you can overcome your inhibitions I’m pretty certain you’ll enjoy everything about it.

 Best wishes, Paul

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• ·         You can write up to 2,000 words, or as little as 100 words.
• ·         It must be a true life account, not something you’ve made up.
• ·         It must be based on a technique or techniques that you’ve read in one of my books.
• ·         When you’re done, email it to me (info@pauljenner.eu).
• ·         I’ll post all the suitable stories on the website (say if you want it published in your real name or under a pen name).
• ·         The writer of the most erotic story each month will win a signed copy of whichever of my books they choose.
• ·         Erotic means (according to my dictionary) ‘arousing sexual desire or giving sexual pleasure’.
• ·         To make it fair to both sexes the judging will be done by myself and my partner (also a writer).

I’ve already posted some real life accounts. Click on Readers’ Stories to see them.

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