As long as there is breath in our lungs, there is a hope for the future. A future we play the main character in.

Sometimes this takes courage, sometimes people are hurt, sometimes you need to say sorry. Many times there is joy, peace and fulfillment in using wisdom to follow your heart. 

All of this requires risk, taking chances and taking responsibility for who you are and the decisions you make. 

Since my wife Laurie and I met, we had always talked about and planned to live in Portland, OR. This was the place she grew up and somewhere I could see myself living.

After living near Toronto for almost 7 years together, we finally had everything ready to go and we made the move to Portland.

Because of immigration requirements, Laurie and the kids had to move out first. I ended up having to move out before I could secure any employment. Not ideal to say the least.

I spent 6 month unemployed (except for a bit of side work). As the bread winner of the family, this is not a comfortable or encouraging place to be. This was a very tough time for our family.

I finally found a job that I loved with an offer I could accept. We moved into our own place and settled in. It felt nice to settle down, get into our own routine and have our own space to live in.

But something wasn’t right. Something was missing.

We had such a great community of family, friends and a supportive church community back in Toronto. We lived in community that was family friendly and a great place to raise our children.

Once we settled into life in Portland and were able to survey life as we knew it and could see what life would look like going forward. It was in that time we came to a refreshing conclusion: This is not where we wanted to be, we wanted to raise our family back where we called home.

This wasn’t a popularity contest, or an attempt to run away from a bad situation. This was a realization made after much prayer, thinking, consultation and angst.

So we made the decision that The Jolicoeurs were returning home!

Moving back to the Toronto area is a line we are drawing in the sand, with a resolution of where we want our children to grow up.

We understand that with family all over the continent, we can never live close to everyone. We are not strangers to having to move apart from family we love.

Many times you can’t see what is around the corner or how the decisions you make will impact those around you or the future decisions you will have to make.

In this time of transition, a new door has opened up to follow a desire I have had in my heart for many years. To start my own business and to help service small and medium sized business tackle, embrace and excel in their marketing efforts.

My new business is called BluRocket Media

My blog will continue to exist as a place to develop thoughts, share insights and hopefully be useful to you.

Into the future we march, into the unknown and into the next chapter!

These people are always the victim of circumstances and other people’s choices.

Playing the victim is easy. It is the lowest common denominator in our thinking. It is easy, cheap, and costs nothing. 

The victim never needs to take responsibility for anything, because everything is always someone else’s fault. 

The victim mentality is simple. It comes quick and overstays its welcome. It is never at fault, is hopeless, lacks creativity, is poor and feels entitled. 

The reality is that life hurts sometimes. People make mistakes and in the process we hurt each other without even knowing it.

Sometimes we are the victim of others’ poor choices. These hurts should never be ignored, however they should never be an excuse.

Here are 4 ways to overcome the victim mentality:

Accept Your Past

I know it’s easier to say it than to actually do, so this is not a flippant, get over quick senseless comment. The reality is that until you accept your past you will continue to be tied to it.

Like the anchor to a ship, it will drag behind you and keep you from going where you want to be.

Some of what happened to you in the past was awful. You didn’t deserve it and no one should have treated you like that, but if you don’t move on, it is you who will suffer. You will hold yourself back and never reach your full potential.

Get Help:

Sometimes we can’t just simply get over it. We want to move forward, but we feel like the past is a weight holding us down. It is in these moments when we need to reach out.

This could be a small group of friends you can be vulnerable with. It could be a friend or a professional counselor.

Being hurt myself and seeing people I love overcome past hurts, I know the reality is for some this will be a process what will require the “all of the above” option.

If you want to move forward on this earth, you are going to have to make the decision to get up and move forward. ONLY YOU can make that decision. Once you make that decision others can come around you to help.

Take Responsibility For Your Part

Many people have made decisions that have left them where they are today. They blame outside influences on their life when the reality is they are who they are today because of the life they have built, for good or worse.

Every pound I haven’t loss is because of me, not because McDonalds makes their food too fatty or delicious!

Taking responsibility for the past is about owning the decisions you have already made. Until you do that, there is no way to move forward.

Until you own the results of your actions, you cannot make the necessary changes to make the course corrections you desire.

Own Your Future:

If you are given the gift of tomorrow, own it.

Put your name on it, take responsibility for what you do and how you react to the things happen.

Only in the confines of today can you build the life you desire.

Ultimately the victim mentality puts the blame and responsibility of the direction of your life in someone else’s arms. However, your happiness, fulfillment and comfort are not based on the actions and desires of someone else.

This life if yours. Own it.

Fill in the blank:

To overcome the victim mentality one must ____________ .

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You knew you were getting close to the point of no return.

You were nearing the point in which a full on argument was going to break out. You knew that if you kept pushing, kept talking and kept trying to prove your point that things were going to get bad. 

I’ve definitely been there. I’m married. I have been in those conversations when I know I have gone too far and now it’s all over!

Warning lights should go off right before you get to that point, to protect all involved!

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14

There is a lot of wisdom in this proverb. Many times we start a quarrel to get a reaction from someone or to overpower them and prove our point. We tend to lose in the end because we went too far. The reality is that when an argument breaks out no one wins, there are just two losers.

Our best bet when we begin to have an argument is to take a break before a dispute breaks out.

Cooler heads always prevail.

When we are frustrated we make mistakes, we say things we don’t mean and we do things we regret.

This is because frustrations put us in our fight or flight mode and most of us choose fight. Once in fight mode we don’t think of the feelings of the other person. There is now no interest in collaboration or peace.

The only interest left is winning.

Once again in these moments we should heed the wisdom in Proverbs 17 and drop the matter.

Take some time to cool down. Once you have done this, you will be ready to collaboratively work together to reach unity.

This principal can work in any relationship, in marriage, co-worker relations and between friends.

An argument can take on its own momentum. When two people don’t see things the same way, they desire to be right or prove their point can take over. That is why it is best to stop the argument before a dispute breaks out.

Your reputation is the most important asset you own. The way you carry yourself during a disagreement or argument builds your reputation. Choose how you are seen, by dropping the matter before a dispute breaks out.

How might your stop a disagreement from becoming an argument?

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One thing is for sure. I know the journey is not over.

This most recent transition required that I leave work that I loved doing and begin a job search in a new city with not many contacts.

The job hunt is a scary place to be, no one wants to tell their friends how long they have been looking, how many applications they have filled out and how very few interviews they are getting. It’s just not something you put on a bumper sticker!

I am now working with a fantastic company doing some really cool things as their marketing specialist. I am excited to go to work every day and I know the wait was worth it.

With that said, here are 4 disciplines I found helpful while on the job hunt that I think will be helpful for you too:

Get Moving:

When you get your heart rate up during your morning routine you set the pace for the rest of your day. I started most days with physical exercise.

This kept my body moving and gave me some discipline to build my day on. It also gave me time to listen to books and podcasts which kept my mind moving too!

Accepting Your New Position:

Congratulations, you have now accepted a new position! Looking for a full time job has become your new full time job. Especially if you don’t currently have work.

You aren’t going to find a job sleeping in, sitting on the couch or at the beach.

Finding a full time job is a full time job.

Get Connected

First off, you need some emotional support. This journey is going to be an emotional roller-coaster and at times might seem hopeless. I was so thankful for friends, family and church community during these moments.

Secondly, get networking. Read these 7 Tips To Make You a Pro at Networking Events to get started.

Making connections in the field you want to work in will open up doors. You never know who knows who or what a single conversation can turn into.

Read:

You need to keep your mind engaged. Reading keeps you growing and learning. It also builds mental and intellectual disciplines that keep your mind sharp. 

I recommend that you read 48 Days To The Work You Love by Dan Miller.

Dan has a fantastic process to help you move forward, helping you examine where you are, what you are good at and where you should start. Dan’s book gives you a track to run on, providing excellent resume, interview and negotiation wisdom.

It is also beneficial to read something unrelated to the job search, read some history or leadership development. Another book to help you dream big and dig in is Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk.

Consider Your Options:

Think about what you really want from your work. Dan and Gary’s book above help you work through this.

Do you really want a job, in the traditional sense of trading time for money? Maybe you do and there is nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you want to discover some skills and services that you can offer as a sole proprietor or business owner. Or perhaps a mix of both.

Remember that regardless of whether you work for yourself or someone else, you must take responsibility for your own future.

[Tweet “Whether you work for yourself or someone else, you must take responsibility for your own future.”]

Stay focused, stay engaged, stay sharp and keep growing so that you will be able to see new opportunities to earn an income and do work that makes a difference.

What advice would you offer to someone who is on the job hunt?

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Whatever it is you are hoping for, the truth is that as you step forward there will be times you will come up against resistance in the form of discouragement.

Discouragement is going to come on you when you fall short of a goal. It’s going to come in the form of negative comments by others that want to tear you down. It will come when the details don’t work as you had planned. Discouragement will wait for you in the shadow of failure. 

Things rarely work out the way we anticipate. Even those that have tasted success rarely have things work out in the way they thought.

As a young leader you are going to face discouragement. It’s par for the course. What can you do in moments of discouragement?

1. Perspective

Look at this moment against the back drop of your future. The discouragement of this moment is not dictating the rest of your life.

You still have a future and a hope. There are still many years left in your life. You will have more opportunity ahead of you. Don’t give up!

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2. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Surround yourself with good friends that will speak life into you. People that will come along side of you and help you see the hope that you have for the future.

You want to have peers that are cheerleaders. You will become like those you spend the most time with.

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3. Get a Mentor

You don’t have to walk this alone. You don’t need to have it all together and be the smartest person in the room. You don’t even have to be the smartest person you know!

In fact, try to never be the smartest person in the room. This gives you opportunities to grow and become a life-long leaner.

Find someone that has taken a few more trips around the mountain of life than you. Ask them to walk with you.

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4. Take a Break

Go for a walk, take a week off, go for a drive or just go and get some fresh air. You need to get away from familiar surroundings and experience something new. This will refresh you and in some ways take your mind off the discouragement.

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5. Saddle Up!

It’s time to move forward. Sure you have been beaten up or faced set backs, but all is not lost. With some perspective and refreshment it is time to get back to it and take a step forward.

You are only discouraged, not defeated. You can do this!

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Discouragement comes. It’s just a part of life. Discouragement is real and shouldn’t be discounted. I just don’t want to see discouragement stop you from pursuing your destiny. Next time discouragement moves in, evict it with these 5 ideas.

How do you defeat discouragement when it comes?

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But if your education is an investment, we need to approach it like one.

Many people call something an investment when really they are just looking for an excuse to spend money they don’t have.

At the end of the day, an investment needs to have the potential to yield more than the original investment and the investor must be willing to lose their investment.

This means you shouldn’t spend money on education that you don’t have.

Now back to education. If going to university or college is an investment, than we must look at it as an investment. 

The first thing you look at when assessing an investment is its ROI. What is the potential return on your investment?

Based on the ROI you can then make an educated decision on whether something is a good or bad investment.

If I give you $5 and in a week you are going to give me $7, that is a good investment. If on the other hand you only give me $3, I made a bad investment.

If you are looking at education as an investment in yourself, then you need to ask yourself what will be your return on that investment?

Not all degrees are created equal.

Some are useful and will yield greater opportunity in your future and some will be a waste of your time and money.

Here is a simple yet effective 2 question test to decide if you should seek higher education:

1. Do you know what you want to do with your life? What job, ministry or business opportunity are you seeking?

2. Will your degree help you achieve that?

If you can answer both of the following questions with a YES, college or university is for you!

If not, you don’t need to go to college or university or you might need more time to develop vision for your life.

Many people wonder around secondary education. They change majors, drown in debt and many never end up using their degree.

Don’t just go to university because your friends are going or because you think it might be beneficial in the future. Go to university because you know exactly what you want to do and getting a degree will help you get there.

Learning can take place through formal and informal education. I love learning and believe every one of us should continue to grow every day. We should take classes, read books, and utilize online learning and any other way to grow intellectually.

What advice might you give to a young leader desiring more education?

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Just a few years ago if you were not a celebrity the only people who knew you were those you physically interacted with. This might be a couple hundred for the average person.

Today, anyone, regardless of where they live, can have an audience of ten-thousand or more. You used to have to sell out an arena to do that, or write for a major newspaper. 

Now you just have to sign up for Twitter and engage! 

Think about the job search. Your mom used to tell you not to get tattoos because it might prevent you from getting a job. No worries mom, the tattoos don’t matter as much anymore.

You want to know what else matters?

Your social media content.

In an age where anyone can be found by anyone within minutes, why wouldn’t an employer or potential client look you up?

So here it is. In the age where everyone can have a public profile and a fan following, the reality is that each one of us has a personal brand.

Every time you tweet, update Facebook or snap a chat you are building your brand.

Your brand is who you are. It is your reputation, it is who people see when they find you, and it is what they think of you.

You can also think of it this way….

Each one of us are brand managers. We are all in the public relations business.

[Tweet “Each one of us are brand managers. We are all in the public relations business.”]

This is because everything you do online is building your brand and the brand you build will influence who wants to hire you, do business with you or engage with you.

There is now little distinction between your online activity and your offline world.

Leaders that are aware of their influence want to have greater influence. They understand that branding matters. They know that their reputation is the most valuable asset they possess.

Remember, every tweet, pic or update you make online is open to anyone and everyone. Make sure you are willing to stand behind whatever it is you share.

Each one of us has influence on the world around us. We get the opportunity to interact with people each day, whether it be online or offline. In either case we all influence one another with these interactions.

A true leader sees their influence, desires it to grow it, and wants to uses it well.

How do you like being a brand manager?

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Personally, I enjoy eating candy. Sour Patch Kids, Mike and Ikes, you name it and I’ll like it. All the grocery store clerks know this. That is why they hang candy out in front of me at every isle. I am literally looking for a tube of toothpaste and there are Sour Patch kids hanging down off the shelf!

What I know I need to do is say yes to the tooth paste and no to the candy. 

The ability to say no is the muscle we all need to strengthen. We should all learn to say no every day.

This might sound negative but the reality is that if we are unable to say no we will ultimately lose control of our ability to make wise decisions. In turn, this causes us to lose the freedom to say yes to the things that really matter.

Every day we should look for the opportunity to flex the no muscle. This form of delayed gratification will give you the power to lead yourself well.

Appetites only grow when fed.

This is why you can eat a huge meal and just a few hours later feel hungry again.

Appetites can only be satisfied temporarily.

Basically, the more we get, the more we want.

[Tweet “Appetites can only be satisfied temporarily. The more we get, the more we want.”]

So what can we do? We have to eat!

A leader must be able to lead themselves well, have self-discipline and self-control. None of these can be developed and sustained when all we grant to our desires is a resounding yes.

And that is why it is important to grow and flex the no muscle. Here are a few places and ideas where we can flex this very important muscle:

• Eating more food (the kind of eating that happens just because you are bored)

• Impulse buying (yes it’s shiny and would be really fun to have, but no you don’t need it)

• Going out every time you get an invite (it is ok to stay at home when all your friends are going out)

• Sleep (here are a few tips for waking up early)

Delaying gratifications reminds your mind and body who is really in control. If you don’t teach them this extremely valuable lesson they will run all over you and steal the control that belongs in your hands.

Learning to say no is a discipline. It’s not always bad to eat more food, buy the new toy or sleep in. What is not alright is allowing these things to take control.

That is why learning to say no and delay the yes will help keep these desires in check.

How might you strengthen your no muscle this week?

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There are many differences between Canada and US and this is one of them. I don’t know why the US celebrates it so close to Christmas, I like where Canada has it!

Regardless of the difference on the calendar, there are many similarities. Families come together, eat a meal and spend time together. In the US there’s football on the TV and in Canada you have the choice between hockey or baseball.

As the name of the holiday implies, it is also a time to reflect on the things we are thankful for. When the crop comes in, it is time to celebrate the bounty that was harvested.

Although many of us no longer harvest our own crops, it is still a good idea to take some time to remind ourselves of all that we are thankful for.

[Tweet “The truth is that thankfulness breeds thankfulness.”]

The more we think of the things we appreciate the more thankful we become and the better our outlook on life becomes.

The complete opposite is true, the more we see the negative elements of life, the harder it is to see what we truly have.

Regardless of what country you live in, I want to encourage you today to spend a few minutes writing down the things you are thankful for.

If you need some help, start close and move out.

• Can you see, hear, taste or smell? If so, I am sure you are glad you can!
• Can you pick something up or walk across the room? If so, I know you are thankful you can!
• Did you have breakfast this morning?
• Does your faucet dispense clean drinking water?
• Do you have friends you enjoy spending time with?

It is easy to see that when you start small, your list will keep growing! It can, and hopefully will, go on and on.

Regardless of what day it is, it’s always a good idea to remember the things we are thankful for.

What are you thankful for today?

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Image courtesy Rosemary Ratcliff/DigitalPhotos.net

Last month my wife Laurie and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Over the last several years we’ve travelled around the world together, had 2 beautiful children and have moved countries twice.

All in all I would say it’s been a fantastic adventure. That I wouldn’t trade for anything! 

We have definitely faced challenges, with some not so great moments. There has also been wonderful times as well as fun and exciting adventures we have lived through together.

Throughout all we have experienced together, it has been our commitment to each other that has made the difference. Our symbol of that commitment is our wedding rings.

Wearing a wedding ring is one thing. Putting meaning behind why I wear it is another. When I put on my ring here is what I am reminded of:

King

My ring is round and similar to a king’s crown. This is a reminder to me that our faith in Jesus is what brought us together.

[Tweet “The same faith that brought us together, gives us the unity and strength to stay together.”]

Every relationship has a foundation, built on something that is commonly shared by both people. The strength of that foundation gives strength to the whole relationship.

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Diamond

My ring has one diamond in it. It is inserted flush with the curve of the ring, protected from damage.

This is a reminder to me of my wife Laurie. She is precious and rare and should be cherished and protected!

Unfortunately I am not perfect and although this all sounds sweet, I fail on a regular basis. That is why the strength of our foundation is so important.

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Weight

What I love about my ring is its weight. It is made of tungsten which is 10 times harder than 18K gold! Needless to say it is a very heavy metal.

I was given a disclaimer by the jeweler when I bought the ring that it cannot be cut off. It can only be broken off with a chisel.

This is a reminder to me that the commitment of marriage should not be taken lightly. It should not be rushed into or forced by guilt into.

My commitment to my wife and children must be honored above every other responsibility I have in life.

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Like I said above, I believe you are a leader and you have an influence on the world around you.

If you are married, your effectiveness and ability to change the world is contingent on the health of your relationship with your spouse.

The most important relationship I have on earth is the one with my wife, held together by our common faith in Jesus. I know that my ability to do well in all the other areas of my life are founded on the strength of my relationship with Laurie.

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