Paula's After Thoughts

Rest in peace, Patricia

2022-03-20T15:00:00.000-05:00

This weekend we said our goodbyes to my very dear friend, Patricia Friedrich. She was my crazy German friend. It's still kind of surreal. It's hard to believe she's really gone. She was not on good terms with her children or boyfriend so it makes her departure even more unsettling. It would've been easier to accept for those she loved if their circumstances were different. I can only hope that in the years to come, her daughters can forgive her and accept that their mother did love them, even though it wasn't in the way they needed it. Everyone who knew Patricia, knew that she loved her daughters. I wish they felt the love that everyone knew she had for them.

Here is what I wrote and read at her service:

Hi, my name is Paula and Patricia was my friend, my “sis,” as she’d call me.

I first met Patricia at Agnes Scott. We were all there for our official first day at the opening convocation, listening to the school president, Mary Brown Bullock at that time, welcome us. I remember sitting in this majestic hall, of this prestigious women’s college and just being in complete awe. I teared up several times because the sense of accomplishment - of just making it there - was pretty overwhelming. I still remember the motivational message in President Bullock’s address - Agnes Scott is a place where minds spark minds. The convocation ends with the signing of the honor code - a cornerstone of Agnes Scott Life when each woman signs, pledging support and accepting responsibility for herself and her fellow students. Patricia joked about having her fingers crossed behind her back, as she signed the honor code.

I didn’t belong to the group of women that would naturally be expected to attend Agnes Scott. No, I was a non-traditional student. A high-school dropout, with a GED, a single mom with two kids in elementary school. In fact, once the semester had started, I was secretly convinced that the administration would discretely pull me out of class to let me know they’ve recognized their error accepting me. Luckily, that never happened.

Patricia, on the other hand, she portrayed so much self confidence. She knew she was exactly where she belonged. One of the things I always admired about her was her confidence. She always seemed so at home in her own skin. As someone who’s always struggled being comfortable in my own skin, I found this an admirable trait.

Patricia and I shared quite a few classes together because we were political science majors. We traveled to DC for a women-in-leadership conference. That was the first time I’d ever been to DC. I remember sitting through a horrible seminar we both hated, so we snuck out and went to the new Holocaust Museum.

We worked with Dr. Cochran to form a pre-law club, writing the charter to make it happen. We called it Publius - the pseudonym that was used by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay when they wrote The Federalist Papers. Looking back it seems pretty pompous, but I think it fit the charge of minds sparking minds. Publius is still the pre-law society at Agnes Scott College today.

While attending school, and raising my kids, I also worked my full-time job. After my third or fourth semester at Agnes Scott, I was promoted at work but it meant that I had to switch from working at night to regular daytime hours. This didn’t fit the traditional day-school hours at Agnes Scott. Sadly, I had to transfer and finish up my final semesters at Oglethorpe University. This separation didn’t end my friendship with Patricia as I worried it might. In fact, I think it strengthened it.

Patricia (and Joel) would come watch my kids, Shane and Shelby, a couple nights per week when I’d have class. Their presence became a big part of my children’s lives. Patricia was there when my daughter, Shelby, was in the Miss Herrington Woods beauty pageant. Joel built a crystal radio with my son and helped him study for tests. Patricia would take the kids to campus with her for activities while I went to school.

Even after both of us graduated, we remained in each other’s lives. I remember Patricia and Joel wanting to buy a house in Loganville and me asking her why she wants to live all the way out there, only for me to later move even farther than that, into Monroe. I remember the birth of her daughters, Austin and then Svea.

Years passed but we were always still there for one another. holidays, birthdays, pool parties, weddings, funerals, birthday lunches, spontaneous dinners, meetups, etc… we were there for each other. Even in the worst of times - except this one.

Mental illness, depression, addiction, all of it is a horrible thing. I wish I could say that during the 20+ years of kids, parties, weddings, holidays spent together, I never knew Patricia struggled with mental health issues, but I can’t. I did know - not at first, but eventually. I just never knew how to help her.

I took her to rehab. But it wasn’t enough.

Unfortunately, over the past few years, Patricia and I had kind of grown apart. I moved to Knoxville and wasn’t in her inner circle anymore. We remained friends on social media, but our once close friendship had grown stale and cold. We’d exchange a text message here and there, but we were no longer close.

I’m thankful for Pad and Erin, and all of her others friends who helped her though her days. I know it’s easy to blame ourselves and feel guilty about what happened, but we can’t do that. This is not our fault. Patricia struggled hard and I hate that she felt this was the only way out. But, I am glad that she is no longer struggling. I’m glad that part is over for her.

Rest in Peace, sis. You may no longer be here, but your spark will not fade in anyone’s mind anytime soon.

Patricia is home with me now. At some point, I will take her to the ocean.

Sup?!

2017-07-09T12:33:00.004-05:00

Me! That's what! Been telling the world I'm 5'2.75" for 20+ years. Turns out: I'm 5'4"! Go me! This makes for a much better BMI. I now have some of the hope I've been looking for. HA.

By the way, I'm working on a blog that's at least a year overdue. Stay tuned, if you wanna know the latest in my world. Meanwhile, go measure yourself. You might be surprised of the result.

Today

2015-04-27T01:40:00.001-05:00

Today

I am freeing myself
I am freeing myself of the longing and the want
Of the thing you will never have

I am freeing myself of the time constraints
placed upon us by your desires to drink and smoke
and not share in the things I want to do

I am freeing myself of the vast amounts of time
I spend thinking of you, worring about you, wanting you
wanting you to want me, wanting you to want what I want

I am freeing myself of the imbalance, the inequity
Of wanting things done your way
Without thoughts of me, or Us
Of wanting shared experiences

Today I am freeing myself of the lives, the hope, the caves, the lakes and plentiful parks
That live and thrive in Austin
That I so wanted to be part of, but you did not want me to take part in

I am freeing myself of your family
Whom I love so much
This, by far, will be the most difficult part

Today was filled with sunshine, the smell of honesuckle trees and dancing
Today lives were given and taken
Today decisions were made

Today, I free myself of my addiction
You

And also Today, I free you
Of Me

Tomorrow, I will start to heal

Drama is Exhausting

2014-09-24T23:43:00.001-05:00

I've not written in a long time because there's been too much to write about I couldn't possibly keep up. I'm feeling the need to write now because there's so much weight on my shoulders and each thing is very important, worth its own merit and yet I'm feeling so stressed, taken for granted, used and abused, and probably some self pity for good measure. Now, where to start...

1. I moved out of Mike's house because I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I was seriously having panic attacks because I couldn't bear to be there. Mike and I have have so many differences, not to mention he's my ex-husband for a reason, and who the hell moves back in with their ex-husband? I was so depressed being in that house, away from my friends, my jobs, my life. I didn't feel comfortable. As soon as the kids went to bed, I ran to my room to hole myself up for the night and avoid any contact with Mike. I was angry with him for so many things. I was also grateful that he took in the kids - but it's not like something I had to beg him to do: He wanted the kids. He wanted the kids to live with him, and raise them and provide him with the family he lost when we divorced. I, however, was not part of that package and could no longer put up with things. I feel like I did my part, got Emma to a point where she sleeps all night, is easy to care for and all you have to do is feed, change and play with her periodically and she's good to go. Ellie, on the other hand, is a constant work in progress and Mike is not a big help when it comes to being tough and providing the structure he requires right now so he'll need less later. Ellie has Mike wrapped around his finger - he's his puppet and at this point Ellie is a master puppeteer when it comes to Mike. It's very frustrating to say the least and any efforts I make are pretty much futile.

I still watch the kids and go to Monroe when Mike goes out of town or teaches on Saturdays. So I'm still involved in their lives and I contribute financially by paying for Emma's daycare, so I don't feel like I'm just dumping the kids on him. I do feel like he tries to make excuses for me to come out there when it's unnecessary. So I'm handling that problem by looking for a sitter. Driving back and forth to Monroe once/twice per week is costly in gas and puts quite a bit of wear and tear on my car - none of which Mike really cares about. Dealing with ex-husbands, especially ones you share custody of grandchildren with, is pretty damn stressful.

2. I moved in with Jay. That's been a whirlwind of surprises, adventures, experiences - you name it. This is actually the second time we've tried living together - the first time only lasting about a week, but that's par for our relationship. This time is requiring lots of changes and adjustments and it's quite odd and awkward and I don't know if we're each very happy with each other and the situation. I often think about how things were different when we were first dating and the things that aren't okay now were okay then - because everything was new and fun and not serious. But now that we are sharing our everyday lives with each other, things are different and things are serious. There are positives and negatives and I don't know really which outweigh each other at this point. This second time has only been a few weeks, so we lasted longer than before, but some major changes are taking place and it's creating a distance between us - causing us to communicate less and not really enjoy being together, like before. I wish things were different and I do hope they get better. We've always had this "crazy love" that goes from one extreme to the other, but we always reunite. The kind of things we're going through now are tough and boring - like regular life, which is what I want. I want to live a regular (sometimes boring) life with a person who gives me as much love as I give. But the things going on right now are stressful and I hope time will make it better. Jay does make efforts but I worry about stripping him of happiness. That makes me sad, because that's the last thing I want to do.

3. I'm working for one of my doctors that I used to manage years ago. I got her right out of residency, so I feel like she's my baby and I've stuck with her over the years - helping her out here and there. About three years ago, she came to me and wanted to start her own practice. I told her I would help her get it up and running, but I under no certain terms wanted to stay on and manage her practice. I worked in healthcare administration for many years and I got so burned out, I was about ready to go postal on some doctors. So, I got her business up and running - business license, created the LLC, got her credentialed, got CLIA waivers for in-office testing and so forth. Then I found a replacement for me and I left. She then decided to expand her business and did not reach out to me about it - which is fine, since I'm not her keeper. But two years later, because certain protocols and procedures weren't followed and pursued by the current practice administrator, the practice is in pretty bad shape. Like, it's to the point of I don't know if it can be saved. So, she reached out to me about two months ago and told me everything that was going on. I've been working diligently to try and clean up some messes that are a priority and then try to help her decide if the practice is salvageable. This is very stressful as well, and I honestly don't know if I can save it.

4. Ebony is out of prison. He's still in California, in a half-way house. I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago and he said he has to pay restitution ($200) and do some other whatever whatever with his parole officer to see if he can come to Georgia - which could take anywhere from six to nine months. That, is not very stressful, thank goodness. I don't see Ebony as a threat and don't see him trying to intervene in the kids' lives any time soon.

5. I completed a visitation form to go see Shelby and it was denied because I marked NO to the question asking if I had ever been arrested. I actually have been arrested - like when I was 21, part of a bar fight, and everything was dismissed. I actually thought it was expunged from my record because it's never shown up before in any background check. I also marked NO to juvenile arrest, but I was in juvenile because I was a little badass teenager and got put in there for being "unruly." I think I spent two nights in there or something. But I thought juvenile records didn't count and were sealed????? So, anyway, the denial came with an invitation for me to reapply with the correct information about my "criminal record." HA. I guess they felt that bar fight and my unruly teenage behavior would pose a risk for the Folsom Prison staff. Anyway, I completed the form again with all of that information and hopefully they will approve me. I'd like to visit Shelby in November, if possible. That's stressful.

Anyway, I'll close for now. These are just a few top issues of the day, every day. There are plenty more, but they are all minor compared to these. I still have to deal with them, but they're not as taxing as these. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to lead a peaceful life. I honestly don't know if it's in the cards for me. A few friends have told me that there are so many things I have to deal with in my life that are not a direct result of my behavior - which makes me feel better. I try to determine which is which. My life seems to have so many crises in it. I wonder what I would do if there weren't any crises to handle. Would I create a crisis, or am I capable of living a calm, peaceful life without all the drama? Drama is exhausting.

To catch up on the latest with Ellie and Emma, just click on their Tumblr site. Here's a link, but it's also listed on the side of my blog under Kickass Links.

Short update

2014-02-11T00:10:00.003-05:00

Well, they finally moved Shelby out of jail in LA and into the Central California Women's Facility. I don't know if this is where she'll be serving the remainder of her sentence or if they'll move her again. Based on the last phone conversation, it sounded like this might be a temporary spot for sorting people out and determining where they will go - based on their crimes and sentences and so forth.

Ebony was also moved. We originally thought he'd be serving his time in the detention center but word has it that he was able to negotiate that he be moved to a prison instead of having to stay in the detention center - which is worse than prison. I think Ebony was moved two weeks ago. It looks like Shelby was moved yesterday.

They don't let them take much of their stuff with them when they transfer, so Shelby mailed me all of the photos I had sent her along with a few others, and asked that I send them back to her once she has a permanent address. In the photos was one I hadn't seen. It was a photo of her at the hospital, right after she had Emma.

She's looking a little rough, but at least somebody took this picture and she has a photo with her baby.

Another thing happened today. The guardianship papers went through and the court granted us the legal guardians of the children. This will allow many things to happen now (insurance for one) and it will also serve as protection in case Ebony and/or Shelby get out and want to just come snatch up the kids. There will need to be a process they have to go through and reintegrate themselves back into their children's lives. They need to prove themselves responsible adults - they work and can provide a stable household for their children and are up to no shenanigans.

So, that's where things are now. I'm currently looking for an activity to get Ellie involved in - soccer or some sort of sports. He's a good runner, maybe something like track. I'm also looking for something for Emma - like infant aquatics. It'll be useful for us both.

That's about all for now. I'm still trying to find a job and looking for a place to live in the city. Mike and I will share custody of the kids, like a normal divorced couple with kids. It's just not working out here. The kids will be fine.

Everything will be okay. Eventually.

Oh, by the way, check out the tool kit Sesame Street has for children with incarcerated parents:
http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topicsandactivities/toolkits/incarceration

He signed the papers

2014-01-08T22:59:00.000-05:00

The notary met with Shelby and Ebony yesterday and they both signed the guardianship papers. Mike will file them with the Walton County Court tomorrow. Basically it gives us custody of both of the kids and neither of them can just come get them when released. There will be a plan of transition - one that shows they are acting as responsible people and parents, working, secure and stable place to live and so forth. It's a huge relief. The worst thing that could happen is that the kids get put back into and exposed to the lifestyle they had prior to all of this.

I spoke to Shelby tonight. She feels relieved that Ebony signed the papers as well. Ebony called me yesterday, after the notary had left the jail, and had all kinds of questions and still had somewhat of a tone like "I don't want y'all stealing my kids." I'm pretty sure I raised my voice to him and just unloaded pretty much everything I wrote in my last blog, Dear Shelby. I think that provided him with some relief.

Mike and I got into it a little bit today. He now too knows exactly how I feel about everything - and how unhappy I am living here. He seems to have had a memory lapse and doesn't remember all of the conversations prior to today's. He was somewhat conciliatory, and said he will eventually help me find another place to live. While I'm unhappy, I wouldn't do anything to cause great stress on Ellie's or Emma's life. I will eventually find another place to live - preferably a two-bedroom that will allow me to take the kids at times and Mike to take the kids - kinda like a divorced couple with kids. This would be their primary residence though. I'm good with that, because they have awesome rooms I designed. ;) Mike is learning the ins and outs of parenting too. I still see myself as probably taking more of the lead in Emma's care than Ellie's, but as she gets older, he'll feel more confident in handling her.

Dear Shelby

2014-01-03T12:45:00.002-05:00

I'm really mad at you right now. I've not said it out right until now, but right now, I just really hate every decision you've made, how your actions have changed so many lives and how selfish you still behave.

I hate my life right now. I closed on my condo last week. I got a check for $3,000 - more than what I was thinking I was going to get so I was thinking about taking a short getwaway or something - something to clear my head and hopefully get me motivated to this new life I've somewhat agreed to living. But no, it didn't work out that way. Instead, I'm having to use the money to pay for a well to be repaired in my ex-husband's house, so we can have some sort of water pressure. It's already odd enough that I hate living in a house that is no longer mine - nor will I ever consider it to be mine again; living with a man upstairs I was once married to, but for many reasons did not work out - and he has not changed a single bit, and in lots of cases has just become more and more self-involved (even to the point of not properly caring the upkeep on his own residence - which has now become my problem); the weirdness of being together in situations with him - all of that - it's not even like we're friends - we're not. It's so fucking uncomfortable. I hate it. I hate that I hate it and I hate that I can't just accept it and "try to make the best of it" as people have told me. I wish I could've just taken that money and paid six months rent on a little one-bedroom apartment in midtown and waited for Ebony to get out jail and come get the kids, because that's probably what's gonna end up happening anyway.

I hate living here. I hate not having a home. I hate that you did what you did. I hate that I feel the way I do. Just know that you're not the only one who feels like she's in prison.

Love,
Mom

PS
By the way, this is probably the best life your children have ever known and you, nor Ebony, will ever know, or truly appreciate that - and that makes me mad too.

Missing my life

2013-12-28T00:56:00.002-05:00

Even though I truly love Ellie and Emma, I so miss my life. I miss living in Midtown. I miss doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it (as in not having someone dependent on me). I miss my crazy-ass relationship with Jay and our fun Saturdays. I miss my friends and walking to Piedmont park whenever I wanted.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for Mike and his generosity and having us live here, but I still miss all that. But it is nice not having to pay rent. It's nice having all the cable channels I don't even have time to watch. It's nice to sit and watch two beautiful children grow and crack up at all of the funny things Ellie says and does.

I'm slowly getting my things put in place and trying to make this apartment my temporary home, but it's still sad at times.

Things I'm happy about:
1. Watching/hearing how Emma stops crying when she hears my voice because right now I'm the most important person in the world to her.
2. Taking care of Emma and watching her grow. She has just started smiling on her own and it's a damn cute smile.
3. Watching Ellie and laughing at how funny he his.
4. Ellie's hair (altho I am going to get it trimmed very soon - a good friend made a really cool suggestion for it and I think it might work).
5. Being with all of my pets again
6. Not having to pay regular monthly bills (mortgage/rent, utilities, cable, internet)

Things I truly miss:
1. My independence
2. Jay
3. My friends
4. The city
5. Getting anywhere ITP in about 20 minutes

Well, I know I'm behind in my blogging, but thought I'd post this short one. Heading to Knoxville tomorrow to finish Christmas with Shane and his kids. We'll be back Sunday.

Ciao!

One Day

2013-12-17T01:24:00.000-05:00

One Day

One day I will learn I'm worth more than my daily self doubts
One day I will learn that I'm loved as much as I love
One day I will learn that my personality covers the majority of my cellulite
One day I will realize I mean more to others than they tell me
One day I will truly believe it
One day I will discover that I've actually made a positive difference in somebody's life
One day I will feel completely fulfilled
One day I will feel consumed by love and cherished by the person I'm in complete and total love with
One day I will not be jealous because I will realize that I am enough
One day I will stop living for the future and absorb the bliss that is today
One day I will love myself as much as I love the world and those in it
One day I will accept that today has to be that day, and I will be happy

They took the deals

2013-12-06T13:46:00.000-05:00

I know I'm several blogs behind. I've been pretty busy lately and just haven't taken the time to write.

1. I'm no longer in LA
2. The baby was born on 11/22/2013 (7lbs, 1oz) - her name is Emma Kay Lynne Woodson
3. I about had a nervous breakdown when I learned Shelby was in the hospital - guess it was kind of like a culmination of events and the birth would mark the true end of one phase and the real beginning of another. I dunno, that's my self-psychoanalysis.
4. She is beautiful
5. I started a Tumblr log for Shelby and my goal is to make at least one post each day - that way when she gets out, she'll be able to see what the kids did each and every day. If you wanna keep up too, you can follow it at http://ellie-emma-world.tumblr.com/. I chose Tumblr because of the ease to post. They have such a great app and it's a solid site.

Me breaking down (I honestly forgot how to get dressed and couldn't find shoes to put on for about 30 minutes - it was pretty bad:

Baby Emma (she was born before I could get to the hospital):

So, yesterday, Shelby and Ebony went back to court. Remember last time, Ebony screwed everything up by rejecting the deal. I was able to go see him at Pitchess Detention Center before leaving California and talk to him about it. By the time I left, he said he would agree to deal. He also said he would agree to signing the guardianship papers. The former he did, the latter is still yet to be seen.

So, here are the deals that were finally offered by the DA and accepted by Shelby and Ebony.

Shelby - Charge: Assault. Four years in prison.
Ebony - Charge: Attempted Robbery. Two years in prison.

Now the way it'll play out is like this: Shelby will serve 85% of her sentence (which comes out to about three years and two months - including time already served) and Ebony will serve 50% of his sentence (which is about seven months, including the time already served). They will both be eligible for parole after serving the percentages of their time. Ebony got to serve at a 50% rate because they reduced the charge from Robbery to Attempted Robbery. Since I wasn't there yesterday, I don't know the reasoning behind the reduction in his charge. It is frustrating though.

Shelby is going to try and paroled in Georgia. I don't know if Ebony will do the same, or not. In order to parole in Georgia, each of them will have to petition the Georgia State Parole Board and ask that they accept them. I don't know the likelihood of it happening or not. I also do not know how long they will be on parole, but I assume it would be for the remaining part of their original full sentence.

The sentencing will take place on December 19th. Shelby's lawyer is asking the judge that Shelby be sent to the California Institution for Women, located in Corona. It will ultimately be up the Board of Corrections to where she gets sent. Ebony will serve his sentence in Pitchess Detention Center, which is north of LA and where he's currently incarcerated.

Today in Court - Totally Sucked

2013-11-22T03:49:00.000-05:00

Today was the court date set for Ebony and Shelby to accept or reject the deal given to them by the district attorney, on Nov. 12th - the last court date. I thought everything was ready to go. I had spoken to Shelby several times and she new she was offered a good deal. Ebony's deal was even better, he'd been offered two years, would probably serve a year, or even less than that.

Got up, dressed for court and headed out the door.

Got to the courthouse - they call it the BBC. I don't know what the acronym is for - haven't had the interest to look it up. Anyway, went to the court room, third floor, 317. I enter and see Ebony's dad, and Heather, a on-again off-again girlfriend of Ebony's. I also see Joesph Reisz, Shelby's attorney, but don't see Ebony's attorney. A few minutes later he walks through the door, gets Reisz' attention and calls him outside of the courtroom. Another case is currently being tried, Shelby and Ebony's case hasn't been called yet. I exit the courtroom after them, to let Reisz know I'm there. He acknowledges me but continues to talk with Ebony's lawyer. I take a seat in the hallway and wait for them to finish their discussion.

Here's the BBC:

Afterwards, Reisz walks over to me, seemingly frustrated, and tells me that Ebony has decided to reject the deal. "What?!, " I ask. "Why?" He tells me because he's an idiot. I agree with him. He says that Ebony feels as though he is the victim in the case. He was just with Shelby and George attacked him. I asked him how this affects Shelby's case. The problem is the case is being tried together, because the crime was committed together. So Reisz then tells me that he's going to see if the DA will agree to split the case, allowing Shelby to accept the deal and then let Ebony fend for himself. I thought that was an excellent plan and agreed with him.

We all go back into the court room. The other case has ended and Ebony and Shelby's case is called. Instead of bringing them in the courtroom, the lawyers waive their appearance and state that they'd like some time to talk to their clients, that one is rejecting the offer and the other is not. The judge agrees and the lawyers and the DA step out of the courtroom. The DA looks pissed. Reisz tells me he's gonna try to get Shelby to talk to Ebony - have them and both lawyers in the same room - to discuss it and try to get him to change his mind.

He goes upstairs to tell Shelby what's happening. He comes back down. Shelby is obviously very upset. She was ready to accept the offer and move forward. This stalls things completely. The DA has 10 days to think about splitting the case, so the court date was reset to December 5th at 1:30pm. Obviously, Shelby will have (or better have) had the baby by then and I will not be here for that hearing. That is also my birthday. Happy birthday to me.

Here is a brief, oversimplified version of the problems with all of this:

If the DA refuses to separate the case, then Shelby's offer could be redacted. The DA is pissed. I told Reicz that Shelby could testify against him, thinking it could make it more appealing to the DA to separate the case. The box cutter found at the scene could be put in Ebony hands. Reicz is worried about if they don't split case, then it's both armed. Conspiracy to commit murder....several other charges could be found if they go to trial. The police tape of them being interviewed is pretty damming. Both are mad. Both Ebony and Shelby say stupid things - that could potentially be used against them.

If they don't separate the case and Ebony continues to refuse, then the case goes to trial. If found guilty, Shelby could be looking at serving 10 - 18 years. Ebony could be looking about 10. Ebony thinks he's the victim. Shelby did the stabbing. He was just there and George attacked him. George was the aggressor. But the stupid thing Ebony did was go back and steal his cell phone. He stole a cell phone from a man on the ground bleeding, then left the scene of the crime. That's how he got the felony robbery charge against him.

Shelby's lawyer thinks Ebony's family is telling him to not take it. But I talked to his dad and to Heather. They were both shocked and think Ebony's being stupid. My gut is telling me his lawyer is advising him against the deal. My gut is usually right.

Here's my hope: the DA separates the case and allows Shelby to take the deal. Ebony goes to trial and loses and then gets locked up for long time. What are the chances of that happening? I don't know. 50/50, I'd say.

So now, all of my court appearances are over. Now I'm just sitting here waiting for Shelby to have her baby so I can get her go back home. Ellie is missing me and I'm missing him too.

Ruh Roh - Water works

2013-11-22T02:52:00.000-05:00

So, I was taking a shower yesterday and I noticed that the tube on the shower nozzle was exposed and it was really bubbled up, like a huge pimple about to pop. Then suddenly, bam, water starts spraying everywhere. Crap! I'm a guest and I've single handedly, two days into the apartment, broken her shower sprayer.

So, I planned on just buying her a new shower sprayer when I went out later to ship some boxes home, so I'll have a lighter load when the baby comes and I have to make my way through the airport. I headed to Burbank because they have a bunch of the big chain stores like Lowes and UPS store. Like I mentioned before, Jenna was so generous and gave me bunches of clothes and her friend that had a baby also gave a bunch too. Well, there's just no way to pack all of this into suitcases and pull it through the airport .

Then, three boxes and $217.00 later, I decided that I might need to just try a simplier solution for the shower and tape it up. So I headed to Lowes. Spoke to a very nice gentleman who told me to wrap the hose with one piece of tape on the inside, so it won't get bulky trying to slide the silver casing up and taping it. This is how it turned out.

We'll see how long it lasts. I think I'm gonna take the hose and see if there is just a replacement for that.

Babywait 2013 - My Awesome Friends - and how I'm feeling loved

2013-11-20T00:32:00.002-05:00

So, I'm still in LA, waiting for Shelby to have her baby. There's not much more to be done here, on the legal end. She and Ebony go back to court on Thursday to accept the deals the DA offered them, then they send them off to prison. Shelby was hoping to go to this program called Fire Camp - it's for prisoners to clean up the rubble from all of the wild fires in California. But their web site states that they don't take people convicted of violent crimes, so she probably is not a candidate for Fire Camp.

I guess it's possible that Ebony could serve his time in the detention center since it'll only be about 13 months. I guess it's up to the courts and prisons. Word has it that Ebony is not keen to signing guardianship papers to me and Mike, either. That's gonna be a huge fucking headache if it's true. We'll fight it, of course, but if he gets out and comes and gets the kids, after we've provided them with a stable life for over a year, it'll be heartbreaking and it's possible we won't know how to reach him and whatnot. That's really depressing and I don't want to write about that right now.

What I do want to write about is my awesome friends. First of all, my friend Angela. If it weren't for her, I would not have a place to stay here in LA. When I contacted her and told her the deal, I asked if I could stay with her for a week or so, before Shelby's due date. She said of course, instantly. Then, after talking to Shelby and realizing that I needed to be here for the dependency hearing for Ellie, on October 31st, I asked her if there might be a vacant studio in her complex that her landlady (Nancy) might rent me for a month. Staying with someone for a week is one thing, but a month is something completely different and I didn't want to put her out. So she did some asking around and come to find out, a neighbor of hers (Adora) has a boyfriend (Jimmy) who actually rents a studio in the building but he works in Florida and was going to be gone during that time and said I could stay for free! Amazing, right?

It's nothing fancy, just a little studio apartment with a bed, kitchen and bathroom. I spent about $40 at the 99Cent store buying two plates, tow glasses, silverware, a skillet, etc... I would fill up my skillet with water each morning, heat it to boil and drink instant coffee. Angela lent two folding lounge chairs so I'd have something to sit on. It met my needs perfectly. Then Angela told me she was going back to Atlanta for a couple months and I could move upstairs to her one-bedroom. It has a couch, chair, TV, kitchen and microwave and coffee maker, and bed. Woot! Plus the timing was perfect because Jimmy was coming back from Florida.

(btw - that's all of my crap all over the place - Angela keeps a tidy crib)

So, I've been kickin' it in Angela's place for a couple days now - which is awesome - getting caught up on Walking Dead and other shows. I love Angela's little apartment - it's in North Hollywood, which is a good location and pretty convenient to lots of things. Problem is, I don't really like LA and I'm not that motivated to visit lots of things. I'm pretty much ready to get the baby and go back home. But, I digress. Back to my awesome friends.

I was also able to meet up with my friends Kasia and Tal. They are film makers I originally met in Atlanta but then they moved to NYC and got big shot jobs and Kasia is a recurring alien on Star Trek and has been scary chicks in big shot movies and an assistant to big shot directors, as has Tal and now they live in LA and they are way too cool for school. Anyways, I got to meet up with them last week after the video conference with Shelby and just hang and they listened to me whine and still texted me days after hanging out. I didn't scare them off. They were so supportive and great listeners and we were able to share wonderful stories about a mutual Atlanta friend, Daniel Burnley, who recently died, unexpectedly. But we met at this really nice place (with awesome food and pricing) and then got our pictures taken in their cool photo booth. How cool is that? That was some much needed fun!

Last week, I met up with a longtime Atlanta friend, Jenna. She and her hubby (and baby Rio) moved out here a couple of years ago. She still visits Atlanta and we try to catch up when she does, but it'd been over a year since I last saw her. Since then, she's had another baby, Luc (French spelling and pronunciation, as her husband is from French). Jenna actually read my blog and reached out to me and wanted to help in some way. So we met for lunch. It was so great seeing her. She's so pretty and always has a smile on her face. I love looking at her. Anyway, girl crush aside, she gave me four bags of baby and big-boy clothes (for Ellie, since Rio and he are around the same age) and shipped a box of toys to Monroe. Mike called to tell me that they arrived today. How awesome is that?! Look at all this stuff! The Kaloo is a French thing and it's supposed to be for good luck. I'll definitely take that because I need all of the good luck I can get right now. Isn't it adorable? You pull it down and it plays music as it scrunches back up.

Then, my friend, Tiffany, who is a self-denying artist, designed two door plaques for Ellie and Emma's doors. She texted me photos of them the other day, because I couldn't wait to see them and I pressured her into sending me photos of them. I LOVE them! They are unique! Ellie and Emma are two special little kids, with lots of love they don't even know about!

I also cannot leave out some other very special friends as well. First, Gabe and Trin. Gabe, my business partner, and I have worked together since 2006. We've seen the worst and best sides of each other and through it all, we continue to work together - something works right there. We are actually horrible work partners because we fight like brother and sister, yet our projects turn out great. It's just getting through the process that's the hard part. And Trin, she's had to share him with me all these years, which I know has been difficult so she gets the most kudos - altho I do hope I have provided her with some relief and respite at times. Gabe is quite a handful. ;) (But I wouldn't trade him for the world.) Anywho.....back to their awesomeness.... They gave me a travel system: a stroller that has a baby carrier that snaps into a car seat and the stroller and another base for another (namely Mike's) car for the carrier, in case one person has the kid the morning and the other person has the kid in the evening - you don't have to move the car seat, just the carrier. That's pure genius - sure didn't have that when I was raising Shane and Shelby. They also gave us a bouncer and toys for Ellie, since Gustav and Ellie are the same age, and an alphabet sponge mat thingy.

And, Mary Jane, Jay's mom also gave me a bunch of toys for Ellie, since her three grandsons are older than Ellie and have outgrown some of their toys, like to big Legos, Linkin Logs and a chalkboard and stuff like that. She even gave up an old toy, that Jay claims to have played with (he didn't mention how long ago, so could just be a few years ago) - one of those dogs with moving feet as you pull the leash.

I swear, I don't know how I would make it through all this without my friends. Jay came out for a visit this past weekend. That's a completely different blog, but I am grateful that he did. I needed some time with him and to think about other things and have fun with him. We did a bunch of the touristy things but also just chilled, which was good. I did get him to try on the baby Bjorn - hee hee.

I am one lucky person and I don't know what I've done to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I'm so glad I have them. Now, it's just back to Babywait (see what I did there? You get it? Like Watergate? Bwahhahahaha - okay, cornball, I know). Shelby just called me and said she has been having cramps but she went to the doctor yesterday and she's not had any contractions, nor is she dilated. However, since her visit, she's been spotting, so hopefully the doctor gave Emma a little tap to let her know that it's okay to go ahead and come on out. People are waiting on her - especially me. I'm ready to get her and go home. I still have a condo to move out of and into Monroe. I sure hope she's strong, because I'm gonna need some help moving.

I did go out today and get a couple things at BabiesRUs for Emma. I got her a cute, "coming home from the hospital outfit," some shoes (how cute are these?!), more diapers and instant formula for the plane. She better hurry up and get here before I max out Mike's BabiesRUs card. Tomorrow, I plan on shipping a couple boxes to Monroe so I don't have to deal with all this stuff and a baby while trying to maneuver my way around the airport with a newborn.

PS: I thought the cute Zebra dress for her coming home from the hospital is completely perfect - with it's little prison stripes. Hey, I gotta take the humor where I can find it, right? She will be adorable. Now, c'mon Shelby, do some jumping jacks already!

Shelby Update

2013-11-15T00:13:00.000-05:00

So, for those of you who are reading, here's an update (altho, I'm pretty sure I've already told this to all my readers):

Shelby and Ebony went to court on Tuesday, the 12th. Shelby was offered a deal of four years and a lowered charge of assault with a deadly weapon. Ebony was offered two years with felony robbery. Neither one of the accepted the deal yet - they asked for a continuance, which is set for Nov. 21st, which will give them both time to think about the offers.

Shelby's lawyer thinks he can get her four years. In California, you serve 85% percent of your sentence, then you are eligible for parole. So, she'd be looking at serving three years and two month. Ebony's lawyer thinks he can get him about 13 months, so Ebony could be out in a little less than a year.

Shelby got offered a good deal. She did the crime. I think she's going to take the offer. Her lawyer set up a video conference yesterday that allowed us to talk about it. I also got to see the initial police taped interview of them right after everything happened. I have to say, it broke my heart. It broke my heart to hear Shelby state her name for the record - the name I gave her. She stated her date of birth, a date I remember well. I never thought I'd be watching a video tape of my daughter being interviewed by police. I've hated the lifestyle Shelby has chosen for herself. It's one that is so far removed from the one I gave her as a child. Nonetheless, things are what they are.

So, here I wait. I'm waiting for her baby to be born.

This sucks.

I don't know if I was allowed to take this picture, but I did.

Mom's Obituary

2013-11-12T22:05:00.002-05:00

Here's the obituary that will appear on the Gentry Griffey web site for mom in the next couple days.

Linda Kay Speeks, 65, of Knoxville, Tennessee, passed away on October 29, 2013.

At Linda’s request, a funeral service will not be held. In lieu of a funeral, in the spring of 2014, her family and friends will embark on a trip to Destin, Florida, one of Linda’s favorite locations, to celebrate her life and sprinkle her ashes into the waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

Linda was born in Knoxville, Tennessee, on July 1, 1948. She graduated from South High School. Afterward, she spent much of her professional career providing technical support in the computer industry, including a long-term stint as a bulk bank teller for American Express.

Linda always exhibited a zest for life, especially in her love of life’s simple pleasures. She was an avid NASCAR fan and loved her cat, Victoria, dearly. She was devoted to her family and friends.

Linda is survived by her daughter, Paula Martinez; two grandchildren, Christopher Shane Carter and Shelby Ann Carter; four great-grandchildren, Brianna Marie Carter, Aswad Elisha Woodson, Christopher Kainan Carter, and Skylar Renee Carter; and her step-brother, Michael Collins. Linda also leaves behind a legion of friends, extended family and well-wishers.

Linda is preceded in death by her parents, Mary Jane Collins, Paul “Buck” Collins (her step-father) and her natural father Paul Hurst.

In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the American Cancer Society by telephone (1-800-227-2345), via U.S. mail (American Cancer Society, P.O. Box 22718, Oklahoma City, OK 73123-1718) or online (https://donate.cancer.org/index). Additional information is available at: https://www.cancer.org/involved/donate/memorialgiving/index.

Please feel free to sign this and share your memories.

Lots of changes in just past week.

2013-11-07T02:08:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in a few days and quite a lot has happened during those days.

1. My mom died the day after my last post.
2. Drove to Knoxville and signed the papers for her cremation, drove back the same night because I had to fly to California the next morning.
3. Flew to LA for the dependency hearing, the next day and was awarded temporary custody of Ellie - that day.
4. It took pretty much all day for the court to get the paperwork in order for me to leave with Ellie.
5. Left the courthouse with Ellie, drove to his foster home and collected his belongings. We tried to make it back in time to Trick-or-Treat, but it got too late too soon and opted for a cozy dinner instead.

Ellie said goodbye to Mrs. Brown, his foster parent for the past two months.

6. The place I was staying is an adult-only community, so we booked tickets back to Georgia. Leaving as soon as possible served several purposes - mainly getting Ellie home with his family and into a routine, so he can start feeling safe, secure and like a kid - not having to worry about his basic needs. Mike had a work trip, and Shelby isn't due for a couple more weeks, so I could be there to help him get acclimated to his new home, routine, etc...
7. Some idiot decided to shoot people at LAX, about an hour after we booked our tickets. It was a day of pure hell. Here's a link to the photos I took during the whole ordeal. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151975461494847.1073741829.821109846&type=1&l=b0fe7607e2
8. We ended up having to stay the night in a hotel and catch an early flight the next morning. It was Ellie's very first time on a plane. He did great!

9. Mike teaches at Kennesaw State University on Saturdays, so Jay was kind enough to pick us up from the airport and drive us to Monroe. Ellie loved his room and went into a kid version of "information overload" spastic running around like cat does when they have those crazy moments. I popped a Xanax, observed the activity, then reeled it in and started laying down some house rules.

10. On Sunday, Mike and I thought it would be good to do something fun with Ellie so we took him to the Yellow River Game Ranch. I have mixed emotions about that place, but it works to keep a four-year-old occupied and engaged for a few hours - petting, feeding, and running down chickens and peacocks.

11. Once Mike and I learned that we would eventually get Ellie, we placed him on all of the Pre-K waiting lists with the schools and daycare facilities in the area that offer it. We were able to get him into Walton Creative Learning. However, he had to get some vaccines to be current and we had to complete a shit-ton of paperwork. Nonetheless, he was a trooper getting the injections, only requiring four adults to restrain him for two shots and I drank wine as I completed the mind-numbing paperwork that evening. Mike had to leave for the airport for his flight for his conference. My car is still not repaired, so we had to rent a car so I'd have transportation in Mike's absence this week.
12. Tuesday morning was the big day! Ellie started school and he did great!

13. Luckily, Shane (my son) and Jon (my cousin) have been helping clean out mom's apartment, since I'm unable to do it. Shane drove to Atlanta today to deliver a few things I wanted, including mom's cremains. I'd been holding it together pretty well, but holding the box of her ashes really created a hurt inside that was like a punch to the heart. Shane and Ellie played, we all went to dinner and Shane had to drive back to Knoxville. This is an oversimplification of the day - which was actually very emotionally draining, touching, sweet, and just a bundle full of emotion. Shane's visit threw off our routine we had started and caused Ellie to have a hard time falling asleep, but it will be fine. We'll get back on track tomorrow.

14. Mike comes back from his business trip late tomorrow night, so I will have a bit of a respite on Friday. Friday is also the day the car repair shop said my car should be ready to go.
15. I've been trying to get the apartment downstairs ready for me to move in - but that's been slow-going due to all of the other stuff. I still don't have a closing date for my condo, which is good, since the apartment is not yet ready for me to move in it, and I don't have the time to move right now. My heart is still broken for having to move away from Midtown. I'm painting downstairs, the apartment, to try and make it as cozy and comfy and make it "my own space" - just really really wish it were in Midtown or Virginia Highlands or Decatur, or even inside the perimeter (insert sad pouty face here).
16. After Mike teaches Saturday, I'm returning to my condo for the rest of the evening and then flying back to California on Sunday. I'll be out there until Shelby gives birth. She's due November 22nd. Once the baby is born, I'll come back and then it'll be two kiddos. But at least that part will mostly be over and I'll be able to focus on closing and getting moved.
17. Jay is coming out for a weekend for a nice little get-away, the week before she's due. That'll be a nice little getaway. In one of my previous blogs I wrote that we broke up - which we did - but he's really wanting to try and give this one more chance. My heart hurts, because I do love him and we have a good time together, but if this is going to work, then it's going to take a lot of nurturing (on both of our parts) to keep it going. Unfortunately, I'm a little overwhelmed right now and so he's gonna have to pull a lot more weight than he's had to in the past. I guess we'll see if he's up for the challenge. I do know this - I don't have the luxury of time to play games of the heart anymore. I hope it works. We'll see.
18. The other good thing about me being out in LA, besides being there for the birth of the baby, is having the ability to talk with her lawyers. I'll also get to attend a hearing that's set for November 12th and I can see her for visitations.

So, that's a quick update of things that's happened over the last week.

Oh, almost forgot: I've been looking for a "time-out" chair. Jon sent the perfect one with Shane. It's perfect and I love it!

Going to bed now. Goodnight, Moon.

Kids' Rooms & Mom

2013-10-28T22:31:00.000-05:00

So, I think I've finally got both of the kids' rooms put together. I ordered a glider today, bit that will come while I'm away in California, but that should be it. I'm sure there will be little bits and pieces here and there, but I'm happy with their rooms and hopefully they will make them feel welcomed, loved and like they're finally home.

Ellie's room:

Emma's room:

The Family Court (dependency hearing) is Thursday, October 31st at 8:30am. This court date is what will allow the state of California to hand the case to the state of Georgia to clear us (Mike - my ex-husband, and Shane/Shelby's step-dad and me). In a proactive attempt to move things along, I went ahead and paid the Georgia Sheriff's office for a background check (came back clean, of course) and Mike has printed his "good standing" paperwork from the Georgia and South Carolina Bars - which he is a member of, since graduating from Emory law school. It would be nice if the court just let me go ahead and have Ellie. That is basically what I'm going to plead for.

As I stated in the last blog, I was able to get a place to stay from October 30th until Shelby gives birth. Since she's in custody, and will be giving birth while in custody, she's able to sign over a Power of Attorney for me to take the baby when she's born and bypass the whole bureaucratic process we're having to going through to get Ellie. So, I'll be there until around the third week of November.

However, today I got a piece of bad news about my mom. Looks like she's taken a turn for the worse and is having lots of seizures. It's pretty severe that my aunt is having to go to the rehab (it's also a nursing home - just not allowed to call it that to mom) tomorrow and sign a DNR, as that is my mom's wishes. Her health has declined to the point that it looks like my mom might not make it before I get back from California. I hope this isn't the case. I honestly don't know if I would be able to afford a flight back to Knoxville, if mom dies, and then a return flight to LA, to wait for the birth of the baby. If mom does die while I'm away, I think I'd actually be okay not tending to her cremation services. Mom has specifically stated that she does not want a funeral. She wants her ashes spread in the Gulf of Mexico.

The problem will be the logistics of carrying out her will and taking care of her belongings - her apartment and so forth. Luckily, she does have a will and has specifically assigned certain things to certain people, then leaving the rest to me and for me to distribute as I see fit. I will need to talk to her landlords and see if they would be willing to work with me via time frame.

Then, I will need to work on getting out of my own condo. We still haven't set a closing date, so that's good. That buys me the most time. Moving is expensive though, and takes a lot of time.

Ugh...so much going on. The things that keep me going are the thoughts of having Ellie and Emma here. Getting to watch them smile. Getting to watch them have a normal life. Being able to love them, squeeze them and embarrass them with kisses in front of friends.

I'm thankful for Mike. I'm thankful for all of my friends and family who have helped me get through this and get these rooms ready for these kids - donating items, labor, opinions, time, etc. I'm thankful for Angela. She helped me find a place to stay in California. It truly does take a village. I'm glad to be part of a good village.

Quick trip to Knoxville

2013-10-21T01:40:00.000-05:00

Made a quick trip to Knoxville today to see mom. I originally had planned to go up there and come back with her cat, Victoria, who is pretty depressed because mom's not home with her anymore. But, after getting up there and talking it over with mom and my Aunt Gina, we decided it was probably best that Victoria stay in Knoxville. Victoria is an old lady, with many health issues. Moving her down here with me and Mitzi might make her more miserable and just exacerbate her declining health. I kinda wish we would've resolved this over the phone without having to make the trip, but I'm glad I got to see mom. I also went and got Victoria and took her over to see mom for a while. I think that helped both of them a lot.

Shane's kids also dropped by for a visit. They are getting so big. Brianna is so pretty and smart! Kainan was happy and Skylar just slept during the whole visit. Brianna read us her Dr. Seuss' book, Green Eggs and Ham. Hard to believe all of these kiddos are mine.

Some photos from today's visit:

Mitzi was pretty glad to see me when I got home. She practically sat on my head and has had at least one paw touching me for about an hour now. I'm actually kinda relieved that Victoria is staying in Knoxville. I was willing to take her while mom rehabs, but I've already got a lot on my plate. So this works out for the best.

While there, gotta a call from one of Shelby's social workers. She had all kinds of questions about Shelby, Ebony, their pasts, etc... I also learned, just today while on the call, that there is another lawyer involved in the case - Shelby's family court lawyer. Ugh...this is the first hearing of this. Gonna find out more about this person tomorrow. There's sooooo many people - it's crazy! Trying to maintain my sanity. Think I'm gonna have to draw a diagram of roles just to keep them all straight.

Feline Film Festival

2013-10-21T01:10:00.002-05:00

So, my friend, Lynn Lamousin, who by trade is a copywriter and s self-proclaimed "recovering film maker," decided to create a film festival about cats. She did a great job! Last night was the very first Atlanta Feline Film Festival. She did so well, she had to have second screening - sold out both shows, I believe. The programming was great. Obviously, the films were all about cats. It was an hour-long program, with a bunch of great short films. I'm glad I got to attend and happy the Atlanta 48 Hour Film Project got to be a sponsor. It was great seeing some familiar faces and friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. Below are just a few photos of the event I captured on my iPhone. I'm sure there are (or will be) lots more photos from the event on the web site, or the Facebook page. Next year's will be even bigger. Congratulations on a job well done, Lynn! Learn more about Lynn, her business, her fantastic puppet film, The Lady From Sockholm, and her passion on her web site, Kittyboy Creations.

Oh, and Mitzi got some loot from the event. Here she is admiring her new cat bed.

Going back to Cali...

2013-10-19T16:54:00.000-05:00

Got some great news yesterday: I've got a place to stay in California for three weeks. That will allow me to attend an upcoming court date (October 31st) to try and Ellie, and also helps me be on the ground in LA, where all of this bureaucratic hell is taking place, interact with the authorities there and possibly see Ellie - and also stay until Shelby delivers the baby, which I already have Power Of Attorney over, so I can take the baby as soon as she's discharged from the hospital. I feel so relieved that I'm going to be able to be there. I've been going crazy over here trying to deal with things. People won't return your call, the time difference, there's literally like seven different attorneys/social workers/authority figures involved in this case and I honestly don't think any of them talk to each other. There's two different courts involved - family court (which deals with the dependents - currently Ellie) and criminal court (which, obviously, deals with the crime). There are different court dates for each, different attorneys for each, family services, etcetera. But a really great, long-time friend of mine was able to hook me up with housing so I can make it to the dependency hearing and stay until the birth. This will save a lot of money, because I wasn't going to be able to make it to the hearing and the birth. Now I can do both.

My next step is figuring out the best mode of transportation. Driving or flying? I'm gonna need a car while I'm there, renting one for three weeks could be pretty costly. I could drive there, but driving back, with a newborn, is pretty insane. I'mma think on it. Research it. See which is most cost-effective and factor in convenience and sanity.

Right now, I'm just feeling very grateful for having such wonderful friends.

So, I'm going back to Cali...but for slightly different reason than Biggie did, although there are probably some similarities...not on purpose though.

Goin' back to rehab

2013-10-17T13:28:00.000-05:00

Just got off of the phone with mom. She left neuro rehab and went home on Tuesday but had another fall last night and today, and is now returning to rehab. She apparently cut herself pretty badly in the fall. She's very upset and her spirit seems broken, because she feels so weak - like she's never going to be able to regain her independence. She was crying on the phone. I felt the loneliness, fear and sense of loss (in herself) in her voice. I was trying to be as compassionate as possible, reassuring her that's it's okay to return to rehab - that I understood how much she wanted to be ready to go home and it's very disappointing learning that you're not. I almost had her laughing about how stubborn we both are by the end of the call. Guess I'll be heading back to Knoxville today. Even though I can't really do anything, I suppose providing moral support and companionship is as important as taking the right medication.

Oh, mom...

The Perfect Shitstorm

2013-10-15T23:55:00.000-05:00

Wait for it, it's all coming...but for now, here's a preview (or review from the rearview):

1. My daughter (Shelby) is arrested and in jail in LA (CA), along with baby daddy (Ebony), charged for attempted murder and burglary. Her baby, Ellie, is in foster care and I (and my ex husband, Mike) am currently trying to get custody, but the bureaucracy in California blows chunks. Story is though; she, Ebony and Ellie were coming out of the library when Shelby's ex boyfriend (George) approached and started an altercation with Ebony. Fighting ensued, Shelby pulled knife from her purse and began stabbing George to defend Ebony. Both were arrested, George was hospitalized, and Ellie placed in protective custody. Ebony and Shelby have both signed parental rights over to us, but there is an obnoxious "process" that must first be completed before we get Ellie. We have to be investigated, house and individually - to make sure the kid won't be going to a thug-like household. Oh, and found out Shelby is preggers - with a baby girl - due November 22nd. So, we'll be acquiring two kiddos in about a month.
2. Having to short-sale my condo and move back to Monroe, with Mike. I'll be moving into the basement apartment, but I've been preparing the rooms for the kids. That also means I'll be leaving the city - which is breaking my heart. It really, really hurts. However, I am glad that Mike is accepting and willing to take us in and become a parent, for his step grandkids. He's a good guy.
3. My mom finally got moved to neuro rehab about three weeks ago, but she's itching to regain her independence so much so that she's pretty-much scheming her way out and plans on signing herself out of rehab tomorrow to return to her apartment. She has lost most control of her right arm and with each seizure, that moves into the loss of her right leg. She's very stubborn (glad it skipped a generation) and refuses to let her body take the time it needs to heal.
4. As I was on my way to Mike's about two weeks ago, to start working on Ellie's room, a woman turned left on Ponce/Scott and ran into me, forcing me to crash my car. I ran over the curb, a street sign (pulled it out of the ground), and I've been in a rental car for about two weeks now.
5. Jay and I broke up. It's been a long time coming. We both love and care for each other very much and have a great time together, but it's just not in the cards for us. I don't regret our time together and I'll always cherish our time together - the crazy ups and downs (which were aplenty). We've had many breakups and get-back-togethers, but this is the final one. I wish him well and hope he finds happiness. His family is near and dear to my heart and I hope to stay in their lives. They are good people - he comes from good stock. I also hope to stay in touch with and see Ben when he visits. He's a smart one, not to mention a little cutie. Sometimes I think it's the collateral damage that makes the cut hurt the most.

So, that's the outline for the next several blogs to come. But, finally, I wrote it down. One thing that will be therapeutic is my return to writing. That will help me get through all of this right now, and the future. So, changes, they are a coming. Stay tuned.

Here are some photos of happenings.

Ellie's room (formerly Shelby's room) is coming along. He'll be five November 30th.

Shelby and Ellie when we went to the Grand Canyon earlier this year.

Slowly getting the nursrey pulled together. This room used to be my office at Mike's.

My Condo:

Mike's house in Monroe, GA (which is about halfway between Atlanta and Athens - but closer to Athens):

Mom:

Finally leaving the hospital on the way to rehab.

Her TV in the rehab place. It fell off the bracket and was being propped up on the bedside table so she could watch it. Her initial roommate was named Mildred, but mom kept calling her Evelyn. I don't think either one of them cared much about the error.

My car:

Jay:

Jay's grandmother's (Lurline) 100'th birthday celebration at the Braves - she's a huge fan.

Guns – The Ultimate Problem Solver

2013-01-19T00:37:00.002-05:00

I try not to get into political debates or really share my political views on Facebook, mainly because I have to work with everybody and I don’t want my or their political viewpoints to compromise our personal and/or professional relationships in any way. However, I do have pretty strong opinions and try to stay abreast of current affairs. I haven’t written anything similar to this blog in quite some time, not out lack of anything to express, but just a general sense of laziness. However, I truly love to write and have been itching to write something – but wanted to make it something substantive. The recently proposed gun control legislation and 2nd Amendment arguments have really gotten me motivated and provided me with the opportunity for which I’ve been searching. I’m doing so on my blog, so people can opt in to read it, as opposed to laying it all out on Facebook for all my friends (real and virtual) to see in their various news feeds.

I’ve spent some time trying to think of the most logical way to construct my thoughts and arguments, so the one reader of this blog isn’t confused by my normal circular reasoning or back and forth positions. I hope I’ve done somewhat of a successful job with that, but you can be the judge of that. I do encourage you to express your thoughts and opinions, even and especially, if they are in direct conflict with mine.

I. The Constant: The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution and a brief, somewhat over simplification of Supreme Court's interpretation of it.

For those who are unfamiliar with the exact wording or construction of the amendment, here is original Amendment crafted by the Founders (note that it is a single sentence):

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I believe the Founders purposely wrote the Constitution in a broad manner, considering it as a "living document" (a document written with the intent to change with the times). Many people (mostly the political right, are Strict Constructionists and believe it the duty of the Supreme Court to maintain the original, language and intent of the document as it was originally written. The Supreme Court has decided in two landmark cases that provided the People with a more concrete definition of how this amendment is to be interpreted.

In 2008, the Court heard District of Columbia v. Heller. In a 5-4 ruling, Court held that the Second Amendment protects the right to keep and bear arms for the purpose of self-defense and struck down a District of Columbia law that banned the possession of handguns in the home. Justice Antonin Scalia delivered the decision and noted that "[the Second Amendment is naturally divided into two parts: its prefatory clause and its operative clause. The former does not limit the latter grammatically, but rather announces a purpose. The Amendment could be rephrased, “Because a well regulated Militia is necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.” As Scalia wrote in the decision, the ruling protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home." That opinion makes gun control laws much more difficult to enact without being struck down as unconstitutional.

Then in 2010, the Supreme Court agreed to hear McDonald v Chicago. The Court upheld the 2008 Heller case and Justice Alito delivered the opinion of the Court "...concluding that the Fourteenth Amendment incorporates the Second Amendment right, recognized in Heller, to keep and bear arms for the purpose of self- defense...."

II. The People's Argument, or How the Court of Popular Opinion interprets the 2nd Amendment:

The 2nd Amendment provides me the right to own a gun. Any kind of restriction, limitation or regulation against me owning a gun violates my Constitutional Right as an American and is just plain wrong.

III. The question(s) I posed to a couple of friends and most of my family (mostly good-ol-boys, gun love'n, and a huntin' type of crew) in response of President Obama's proposed legislation that includes 23 executive actions, toughening the enforcement of existing gun laws:

"Omg. Family, really, WTF is up with y'all being so damn worried about losing your right to own guns. Read the proposed legislation - it says nothing about banning guns from you, we'll, the felon side of the family, but not everybody else. Really, do you need an automatic for hunting? You couldn't eat the meat for all the shrapnel. Honestly, the proposed gun regulations would not affect you in one iota, except maybe a background a check - but would you want others' backgrounds to be checked? Why fight against something that in no way changes your life with guns as it currently is?

The feedback I received will most likely equal the same number of people to read this blog - zero. However, in case I'm wrong, please weigh in and share your side. I truly do not understand the opposition's side and reaction to the proposed legislation, as it in no way violates a sane, mentally stable individual's right to own a gun.

Yay! I wrote something again, and it felt good.

*****Update***** (2/15/2013)

Just wanted to share this awesome Freakonomics podcast that was posted yesterday: http://www.freakonomics.com/2013/02/14/how-to-think-about-guns-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/

Busy and Tired...

2012-11-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

Feeling very frustrated today. I've been trying to find ways to constructively rid myself of the frustration, but it's come down to just writing - which is probably the best way anyway.

I'm my own worst enemy. I know this - have known it for years. If there's a bad decision to be made, you can pretty much bet on the fact that I'll make it. Then, when I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, taken for granted and advantage of, I have nobody to blame but myself, which then just makes me more frustrated. It's a toxic cycle and I know it. My biggest problem is actually taking the steps to stop behaviors and habits, breaking the cycle. It's so easy to keep things as they are, even if they are unhealthy and not in your (my) best interest. Changing things for the positive, learning to not let people take advantage of me, take me for granted, live, eat and breathe healthier is tough. It's a lot of work - and to be honest, most days I'm not up for it.

I need to start practicing the word NO more often, then use it. Then not feel bad for using it. I need to surround myself with people who are good for me, absolutely want to be with me, want the best things for me and don't really want anything from me. One of the problems is that I'm a giver - always have been. I don't know how to not give - except to myself. I need to start giving myself more of what it good for me. I'm in bad habits with myself.

Ugh......back to it. I know this too shall pass, and brighter days will avail, but it's all just very tiring and gloomy right now.

Lester Burnham is my alter ego

2012-09-06T12:11:00.000-05:00

So, I'm at that point in my life (again) that I kind of need to re-invent myself. Translated, that means it's time to get a "real" job again. I've been doing event planning and consulting and whatever other projects my business partner and I can manage to serve up. But he's now got a full-time job, another beautiful child, and a family - so our projects sometimes become (understandably) overwhelming for him to manage in addition to everything else. I believe we will continue to do a few staple projects (mainly the 48 Hour Film Project) together, but it's time for me to find something in addition to those. The problem is, I don't know what I want to do.

I do know, I feel a lot like this:

My background is in management, marketing, etc. but I don't really feel much into that either. I have a great education, and am pretty business savvy, but I often feel like an interview with me might go something like Lester Burnham's interview at Mr. Smiley's from American Beauty:

Once, when my daughter (Shelby) was around seven or eight, we went to First Night Atlanta - the big New Year's Eve party Atlanta hosts every year. We were in the "family" section part of the giant street party since they had huge blowup bouncy things, face painting and other stuff kids seem to enjoy. Well, needless to say, the place was packed with people. The lines for the jumpy things and face painting were extremely long. We walked from one attraction to another hoping to find shorter lines, so she might get to partake in some of the New Year's Eve excitement of the event I had been building up inside her for days. (Sometimes, kids would prefer to do absolutely nothing so events and outings take work - creating anticipation, mystery and the want to go.) Well, after walking around for about an hour, Shelby immediately halted, made a huge right-foot stomp to the ground, raised both hands and shouted, "I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FUN, RIGHT NOW!"

I knew just how she felt. I feel that way a lot. Often times, I think back about how things were going to be different when I grew up. I was going to do fun things - all the time! But, we all learn soon enough that most of the time, living isn't as fun as we once thought - or making a living isn't as fun, rather. When I went into the film industry, I thought that I was finally getting that job that was going to make earning a living fun. I do admit, the events, movies, meeting people are fun, but planning and managing events are often like herding cats. It gets exhausting. Finding sponsors (asking people and companies for money and free product) is exhausting and deflating because, more often than not, you get turned down, or rejected. Feeling rejected is not fun - even if it's "just business." It is, however, the most "fun" industry in which I've worked.

So, I guess I should close this for now. I wanted to write though because I kinda feel like I've lost my mojo and writing has always helped me get it back a little, probably because expressing myself helps me to get back on a track, old or new. I used to write often and always got great feedback. I loved writing funny stuff and hearing how much people enjoyed it. Maybe I'll start trying to do a bit more of that. Well, this was fun - and, I didn't even have to wait in any lines.