We all have those days

*weeks*

*months*

when the struggles of life feel overwhelming.

The unexpected hits.

The plans we’ve made are suddenly undone.

Days like this, I’ve learned, are unavoidable.

But there is hope!

Here are a few things that have helped me stay focused on the big picture during hard times. Give them a try!

Thankfulness.

No matter how bad of a day I’m having, there’s always a long list of things to be thankful for. Dwell on these things. Write them down. Don’t forget them.

I am seriously in awe of how much goodness surrounds me, every day.

Spend 15 minutes doing something you’ve procrastinated on.

Clean, write, update your resume, work on the bills … A sour day doesn’t have to be unproductive.

Vow to keep emotions from ruling your life.

Instead, let them guide you. Watch out for those days when you feel like flipping the table on your life and starting from scratch. Usually, those feelings pass and you’ll be glad you didn’t act on them.

Escape.

Again, if you’re short on time, apply the 15 minute rule. Go for a walk, take a nap, listen to music, read. Need something fast? Read these excerpts from my novels:

• THE CHANNELS, my first novel, a paranormal mystery.
• ARROWS, my latest book which is a love story (and myth retelling!)

Life isn’t fair, but life isn’t fair for everyone. That makes life fair.

Photo by kusito

If there’s one tip I can give you about simplifying your life, it’s to look for people who’ve already done the thing you want to do, and copy them.

I’m not talking about plagiarism or copyright infringement.

I’m talking about analyzing the best to learn from the best, whether that’s getting out of debt or starting your own business or wearing awesome clothes.

Copy people who know what they’re doing.

For instance, when I read a book or watch a movie, I am always looking for how the writer develops a character. I notice things like foreshadowing and plot points, small details that make a difference in the end. (I tell my critique clients to study great writers, too.)

By studying how others write, I am figuring out how to write a good story of my own.

You can use this method for all aspects of life.

Don’t reinvent the wheel, just realign it. – Anthony J. D’Angelo

A writer works from home, in yoga pants

Recently, I’d begun to feel my wardrobe had become a bit too … comfortable.

I’d even worn some of my comfy creations in public, which meant I inevitably saw a hundred people I knew at the store. (Why does that always happen?!)

I sat down with my friend Patti Schisel, owner of The Ultimate Closet in Green Bay, to refresh my fashion awareness. Here are some tips you can copy to update your wardrobe at any age:

1. Always dress for your body type.

You may be tempted to snag the latest summer trend from the stores, but if it won’t flatter your body type, don’t bother. Schisel recommends researching which types of clothes will look the best on your figure before you head out for the stores.

• Learn more: I found a site where you can compare your body to fruit (weirdly fun) … or you can calculate your body shape here … and then have fun combing the internet to find out which styles flatter you.

2. Let your clothes showcase your strengths as a person.

A writer shouldn’t dress like a lawyer, and vice versa. Choose accessories that tell people a little more about yourself.

For instance, I love wearing this chain-mail bracelet that Mr. Right made for me. It’s simple, goes with everything, yet gives others a glimpse into my life, and the creative people I connect to.

On the other hand, I don’t want to look SO creative that an editor might wonder if I can meet a deadline. Balance is the key.

(P.S. I would like you all to know I snapped the above photo using my iPad Mini and the tip of my nose. How’s that for creative?!)

3. Put your wardrobe to work.

Think of how you can wear each item you buy in a variety of seasons. You can layer a blouse or dress with other items, such as a long sweater, leggings and boots to keep them working all year.

4. Know your style.

If you’re feeling uncertain about which clothes you’d feel most comfortable in, look through magazines and tear out pages with outfits you like. Use the women’s fashion category on Pinterest to get an idea of the clothes you like or don’t like.

“My look is Bohemian rock star,” Schisel says. “I like the Bohemian look, but I also like a black leather jacket and gaudy earrings. I can rock them both.”

• More: Don’t wear a costume. If Bohemian isn’t you, you won’t look good wearing those styles. “When you’re true to yourself, you’ll get compliments,” Schisel adds.

Do you have a tip we can copy?

Best place to buy leggings?

Favorite Etsy shop?

A go-to outfit, lipstick shade or hairdo?

Share your best fashion advice in the comments below, and share this post on Facebook or Twitter so your friends can chime in, too.

Every yoga pants-wearing writer in the world thanks you in advance.

• More on simplicity: My book, The Hybrid Homemaker.
• Follow The Ultimate Closet on Facebook.

Photo by Jason Hargrove

Where the 5 steps originate

The tips in this post were born from my favorite part of yoga class: shavasana.

For this pose, we lie on our backs with eyes closed and completely relax. (It IS as awesome as it sounds.)

1. Deepen your breathing. This increases oxygen circulation, energizes you and promotes a calm start to the day.
2. Wiggle your fingers and toes. Literally begin to wake up your body.
3. Smile. Smiling is healthy! It reduces stress, increases endorphins and lowers blood pressure. You’ll look better to others, too. 
4. After three minutes, roll to your right side. Continue with slow, deep breaths.
5. Think happy thoughts. Pray and set your intentions for the day. Now you’re ready to get up!

The light in me salutes the light in you.

Photo by Frank Wuestefeld

1. Write the book.
2. Don’t stop until you get to THE END.
3. Join a writing group. (I belong to the SCBWI.)
4. Read books in the genre you want to write.
5. Learn about plot.
6. Revise. This will require more sitting down and writing.
7. If you get stuck, open a book you love and start reading. The way to get unstuck will appear.
8. Revise some more.
9. If you get stuck again, imagine what kind of music your character loves, and start a new Pandora station.
10. If you want to be a great writer, never stop repeating steps 1 and 2.

Photo by cindiann

Sometimes in life, we have problems that take over everything we do.

We go to work, but find it difficult to focus. The serene home we dreamed of may be a battlefield, dealing with attitudes or illnesses or debt.

Sometimes, we battle ourselves, coming face to face with the weaknesses we can’t seem to contain.

Coping with life’s ups and downs.

We will never be able to create a life without stress. (I think I’ve tried that.)

There will always be a new conflict that comes your way, and it will be your job to find a solution.

So what can you do when life feels overwhelming?

In searching for this answer for myself, I discovered the answer was remarkably simple.

Unfortunately, problems don’t disappear overnight, but the way I feel, and my own self-care, contributes greatly to a better outcome.

Here’s what I’ve found. When s*&t hits the fan, there are three immediate strategies that keep from spiraling into despair and anxiety. They are simple, and always an option, which is important to remember as you read the following exercise.

Identify: 3 coping strategies you can use.

It isn’t healthy to let your work, self and home-life suffer during every bump in the road. If you’re struggling today, or even if you’re not, take a minute to think about three things you can do to take your mind off your problems.

This helps you gain perspective, and also, allows you to focus on other things that are also important to you.

Choose three from the list below.

Positive ways to restore emotional balance

• Listen to music
• Exercise
• Stretch or practice yoga
• Meditate
• Pray
• Laugh
• Watch a favorite TV show
• Read
• Play games or do a crossword
• Go for a stroll
• Relax in the bath
• Spend time in solitude
• Work outside
• Call a friend
• Engage in a hobby
• Journal
• Crush negative thinking
• Get your thoughts out of the past and into the present
• Avoid the blame game
• Take your dog for a walk (or cat? … maybe)
• Take a nap
• Eat a healthy snack
• Create something beautiful

If you like this post, please share it. Thank you!

Photo by sciain

Stumbling upon Neil Gaiman’s inspirational speech to “make good art” couldn’t have come at a better time for me.

(If you have 20 minutes to spare, watch the whole speech here. Worth every minute.)

I’d been feeling distracted that day.

An understatement.

My morning had been consumed by problems I had no real control over. Rather, the control had been reversed, because when I sat down to write, I couldn’t help analyzing and thinking and brainstorming the problems to death.

After all, they were actual problems, big ones, and beasts like that tend to ravage a person’s brain.

Thankfully, my wandering mind led me to Neil Gaiman’s speech. He set me straight.

Make. Good. Art.

You, me, all of us.

No matter what side of the bed you woke up on, or what your teenager shouted on her way out the door, or what crisis awaits your attention.

Make good art.

I knew I should. I just needed a reminder.

Here’s a list of how I take time for what is important to me, despite the distractions of my daily life.

• Listen to music.
• Meditate for three breaths before creating.
• Savor.
• Sit near a window, look outside, and think about what you want to create that day …
• Then, get up and do it.
• Turn off your phones.
• Internet, too.
• Put in the time, no matter what.
• You do have the time … if you think about it.
• This is your life.
• Your dream.
• For part of your day, even just a few moments, everything else can fade into the background.
• There is only you and your art.
• Take a deep breath.
• Work.
• Work some more.
• Focus.
• Make something.

Photo by AlicePopkorn

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. – Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Waiting.

It is a terrible, horrible, no fun, very hard thing to do, especially for me.

I like to be productive. I like to see results. Completing a polished manuscript isn’t accomplishing what I really want from the top of the mountain. My goal is to be published.

Which, I’ve learned, requires a whole lot of that dreadful waiting stuff.

Why it’s important to take things slow.

Because our impulses can be very, very wrong.

Before you make a huge life decision, or send that “good enough” manuscript to a super star agent, my advice to you is to wait.

Ask yourself, what is the rush?

Let me tell you a story …

It was the year I started dating Mr. Right.

I was spending a lot of time at his place, which greatly lacked any evidence of a woman’s touch. My friend and I decided to give him a home makeover, complete with art, curtains, you name it. We had a very limited budget and one day to complete it.

Our intentions were pure and good, but the results were lackluster … not because we lacked talent, but because we didn’t take enough time.

Weeks passed. Reality set in. The living room curtains became known as “hasty curtains,” and that turned into a catch phrase for my friend and I. They were too small, too crooked, too quick.

“Remember the hasty curtains,” she’d caution when I’d share my latest article, or story I’d just written, chomping at the bit to send if off the next minute.

She was always right. Fresh, baby writing is never ready to send out NOW.

I still have a problem reining myself in from time to time.

* * *

But if you wait a week.

Then your masterpiece of literature might reveal its true self.

You can revise it. Straighten the edges. Expand the description. Take your time.

Patience is hard, I know that, but to do things right, it is necessary.

Give your work time to aerate, especially if it matters.

Especially if it is your next step toward the mountain.

No. Hasty. Curtains. 

* * *

UPDATE: I’m currently revising my second novel, ARROWS, and learning SO MUCH along the way. I’m really excited about this book! I’ve pitched it as: “The story of a lovesick girl, and the cupid forced to cure her.” An adaptation of the myth, Cupid & Psyche.

Follow me on Facebook or Twitter for writing tips and my musings about life along the way.

Photo by s-a-m

The Hybrid Homemaker is on sale!

That’s because I love you so much.

The deal is, today through Friday, you can buy the book I wrote about my journey to a simpler life and receive four additional books at the same time.

That’s 5 books for just $7.40!

Five books that can show you how to change your life, reduce stress, get organized, all that good stuff.

Awesome.

Click to buy now.

For your reading pleasure, you’ll receive: 

Organizing Life as MOM by Jessica Fisher
Designed to equip you and inspire you to get your act together, Organizing Life as MOM includes inspiration to simplify and focus on the most important things in your life. You’ll find real life help in organizing your different roles and responsibilities, 130 printable pages to help you keep track of all the comings and goings of your household, fillable forms you can tailor to your needs and your home, and tips for putting together a household notebook.

Easy. Homemade. by Mandi Ehman
Easy Homemade: Homemade Pantry Staples for the Busy Modern Family features more than 60 tried-and-true recipes for homemade kitchen staples that can be made with basic ingredients and don’t require a lot of time. In addition, Mandi offers kitchen tips, information about choosing various ingredients, and more to empower your busy family to make your favorite pantry staples from scratch!

Plan It, Don’t Panic by Stephanie Langford
In Plan It, Don’t Panic: Everything You Need to Successfully Create and Use a Meal Plan, Stephanie helps you: find a meal planning method that suits your family best, work with special dietary needs, become a grocery-shopping ninja, make the most of leftovers, organize and store your recipes, and more. She also shares tips and strategies to help you perfect your meal planning style plus printable planning pages and 4 weeks of real, whole food meal plans.

28 Days to Hope for Your Home by Dana White
In 28 Days to Hope for Your Home {Not for the Mildly Disorganized}, Dana draws on her own experiences as a former slob, offering a practical guide to help you discover hope for a real change in your home. Broken down into 28 baby steps, this ebook will help you develop four basic but essential home management habits. You’ll also find practical tips to keep you from giving up, bonus sections with realistic strategies for laundry management, meal prep, and decluttering, and insights into why these habits are a struggle for so many of us!

Hybrid Homemaker by Melissa Gorzelanczyk
The Hybrid Homemaker: A Guide to Personal and Financial Freedom is full of tips and strategies to show you — step-by-step — how to get out of debt, stick to a budget, make money doing what you love, shrug off the world’s burden of doing it all, figure out what matters to you and create a home where beauty and happiness appear through your actions.

Click to buy now.

Since “finishing” ARROWS, my second novel, I’ve been anxious to start a new project. (I use the word finish lightly. I know revisions await.)

So!

I have three new book ideas.

All of them have potential, but before I go into a three-month writing frenzy, I used my handy-dandy plot questionnaire to flesh out the structure of each idea.

It struck me that some of the questions I use to transform my fictional character’s lives could lead to happier endings in real life, too.

Plotting the year ahead

If you’re looking for direction this year, the questions below are a good starting point. I’ve always believed asking questions is important. We all need a road map from time to time, so if you’re willing, grab a pen and paper, and jot down some responses to the prompts below.

1. What do you want? 

Think of something that would be an achievable goal, but an important one – something you need in order to feel good in life.

2. What (or who) is standing in the way of that goal?

This could be people you know, society, anything that interferes with getting what you want out of life (maybe even yourself!). It’s important to identify our antagonists in life. This will give you direction along the path to transformation.

3. What will have to happen in order for you to take your goal seriously?

Maybe you haven’t achieved this goal because you are afraid of something. Deep down, you probably know what it will take in order to “wake up” and work on what you want. List a few possibilities.

• Read more: Finding Peace with Uncertainty

4. What do you want your life to look like at the end of the year?

Who do you want to be?

Remember … you’re the main character in your life.

Every choice you make will have an effect. People will react. There will be crisis and moments when you are brought to your knees.

Transformation can be part of the process, too.

It’s your story.

Photo by ciro@tokyo

I’ve just achieved my New Year’s resolution by using the word “gleaned” in a headline.

ROWDY CHEER

My work here is done.

(Not even close.)

* * *

Yesterday, I was thinking about this blog and how life has changed since it began in October 2009; I realized there was no need for a blog overhaul of my categories or topics, because I still like writing about those things — some more than others depending on what I’m up to — and there’s no need to reinvent the wheel.

What’s in store for you.

My career focus right now is writing novels, a job you probably don’t connect to, and that’s okay. I still learn things about life as a novelist that I want to share, things you WILL connect to. That will be my focus here in the year ahead.

Thinking back …

2012 was a tough year for many people I love, myself included.

What did I learn?

(What lessons were gleaned?)

Bad things happen to good people. It doesn’t pay to blame or point fingers, because some horrible things simply happen, and I don’t think we’re supposed to ruminate on them. I think we’re supposed to pick ourselves up and look toward the future without letting the bad thing define the rest of our lives.

That’s my plan, anyways.

If you feel stuck in life, change something. What you do to change isn’t as important as the act of change itself. You have to try something new. I wrote about the power of new in this post.

 You can’t control people, or make them think like you. No amount of ranty Facebooks posts or declarations will work. You can only control yourself. When you feel frustrated by people and the world, remember this quote. (click = happy)

You have to make the internet stop. Stop letting it distract you from getting important things done. Stop letting it take you away from  your real, actual life. I am not anti-internet, that should be obvious, but I have learned there is a need to impose restrictions on myself. This is not always easy, but I’m always happy with the result.

• Try it. Set time aside each day to unplug. If you have a goal, create a focus experiment.

I have American problems. Most of the irritating, earth-shattering, annoying things that happen to me are not real problems. I am not starving or repressed or illiterate. My life is good, really good, and everyone I know has a good life, too. Literally everyone. I remind myself of this all the time and it helps keep my American problems in perspective.

• Feeling down? Refocus your life with a joy list. 

Do not type a nose. Smiley faces are supposed to be eyes and a smile, like this:

: )

NOT LIKE THIS:

: – )

Now you nose know.

Photo by zabaraorg