Today I posted over at the blog for my fitness business, Dance Fit Divas!!  The title of today’s post is:  Laughing At Yourself!  As crazy as things have been in my life, laughter has truly been good medicine!

Head on ova and check it out:  CLICK HERE

Oprah and Deepak spent some time discussing the differences between Eastern and Western cultures.  Mr. Chopra stated in the west, we are educated to look to the future. 

With all the looking to the future, he went on to say that Westerners (that’s most of us), are never in the present.  So, when we arrive at the future, it is not there for us, because we are not present for it.

Wow. So true.

My oldest daughter is the ultimate look-to-the-future-move-on-to-the-next-thing girl.  She can worry me to death about going out for yogurt and before we are half-way done, she will be asking to immediately go on a play date with a friend.  I find myself constantly saying, enjoy what we are doing NOW.  Be satisfied with NOW.

Yet, the old saying holds SO TRUE, “fruit does not fall far from the trees”.  I too can get so busy making goals and looking forward to meeting them, that I don’t enjoy NOW.

I really don’t feel like I have time to enjoy NOW. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish.  There are alot of things that need to change!  I mean, things will be better when I get to what I am looking forward to.  Won’t they? 

I found this quote in the interview so intriguing:  “And if you get the idea that this is the moment you have-the only moment you have- then you live in the present and you move with the flow because this is the point, right now.” 

I wonder how many things I actually have achieved that I didn’t even notice because I was off to the next thing? I arrived at my future but I wasn’t present for it because I was so focused on the next big thing.

This led me to grand question of: how do I live in the moment? 

Answer:  Dethrone myself and have compassion for  others.  It is just not ALL about me. (gasp!)

Tim Mcgraw said it best:  Live like we are dying…..Love deeper, speak sweeter and give forgiveness!

Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days,that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxDkWBvxHEI] This post is part of a weekly meme hosted by Shell at Things I Can’t Say.

On my way back from the gym yesterday, I heard an old hip hop song.  I LOVE old school hip hop! This new stuff is horrible, but I digress. 

In the song, the rapper said “it’s 1990″.  As I rapped and drove, it suddenly hit me that 1990 was  TWENTY-TWO years ago.  Where has the time gone?

I don’t know about y’all but time seems to move at the speed of lightening!  Is living slowly even possible in 2012?

We have all heard the term “living life in the fast lane” and associated it with wild parties and throwing caution to the wind. 

However, several online dictionaries have defined life in the fast lane as:  a hectic and pressured lifestyle often characterized by recklessness or dissipation.  Hectic and pressured sounds really familiar, I don’t even have time for a “wild party”!

We all know that if you drive too fast, it can lead to what appears to be reckless driving and perhaps loss of control of the car.  I found it really interesting that dissipation can be defined as mental distraction or diversion. 

With so many balls in the air, I find it hard not get distracted.  With more and more places to be and more and more things to do, getting over in the fast lane seems like the only option. 

Proverbs 21:5 Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.

So Divas, are YOU living slowly? If you are a ZEN Diva or are working on slowing down, please share your tips with me! I really need to slow down and at least NOTICE the roses!

This post is part of the weekly meme hosted by Shell, at Things I Can’t Say.

They practiced right after school.  The other Mom, (K),  picked up the girls after school and brought them to my house for practice.  I was JUST getting home when they arrived.  I still had on my work clothes with my “spanx-like” thingy underneath.  So, lets just say I was FAR from comfortable.

K had her hair in a messy bun with comfy shorts and flip flops.  She looked so relaxed. 

As the girls practiced, played and ran around my house like wild women, K and I talked.

We shared stories about our struggles with the girls getting to that back-talk-sassy age.  We laughed while watching the girls be silly.  It was a great afternoon.

At the end of our time together, we all went out for yogurt!  Not just ANY yogurt.  We went to Feeney’s.  It is one of those soft serve-put-your-own-toppings-on and pay a fortune places.  Is it just me or are these yogurt places popping up everywhere? 

Anywho, over yogurt , K shared how she sometimes feels inadequate when she looks at other moms like me.  Moms who have finished college, are working in a career, who appear to have it all together… blah, blah blah.

Seriously?  Obviously she had not heard about Kray-Kray Crazy Katina!  If you haven’t either just know it ain’t pretty.  You can read about her here.

I almost choked on my yogurt laughing.  No need to feel inadequate around me.

REALLY!

I shared with her that I sometimes feel inadequate when I am around stay-at-home moms who have tons of time to spend with their children.  It also happens with moms who are teachers or who can afford to just take the summers off to be with their kids.  Also add Moms who have the patience and ability to homeschool.   

Yea, that messy bun and flip flops she had on and that relaxed look?  I felt inadequate about that too. 

Let’s not even go to my side business, Dance Fit Divas.  I teach ZUMBA and Devoted Fitness to an amazing group of women, yet I struggle with wanting to be the best for my class and not feeling inadequate in comparison to other instructors.

Comparison is where those yucky feelings of inadequacy come from.  Comparison is where it all goes terribly WRONG!

So Divas, it is only the second day of May.  Let’s challenge ourselves to spend our summers, the rest of our lives even, NOT COMPARING ourselves to others! 

Instead, let’s be inspired by others successes to our best!  After we finish being inspired and BEFORE we say “Well, it must be nice….” let’s appreciate what is going well by saying something nice (about oursleves and/or the other person).

Finally Divas, have an attitude of gratitude.We are so blessed!

Galatians 6:4
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

This post is part of a weekly Meme hosted by Shell at Things I can’t Say.

Yesterday, we were rushing to get homework done before our next place to be. (The mere fact that we were rushing should have been my clue that things were about to go haywire.) Anywho, while I was helping my youngest daughter finish her homework, my oldest came into the room in tears.

Now, if tears were abnormal around here I might have raised at least an eyebrow.  Since they are not, I simply kept going with my current task.  I did glance my daughters way and ask her what was wrong.

She explained to me that she was working on her spelling homework on the computer and the computer bliped and all her work was gone.

I checked the computer myself and sure enough, all of her sentences were gone. 

“I’m so sorry sweetie.”  I said.  “Since you just did the sentences it shouldn’t take you any time to re-do them!”

She was hearing NONE of that.  She screamed, cried, and yelled about how unfair this all was and how she did not want to re-do the sentences.

After about 15 minutes, I intervened (cough, gag, …..yelled over her) and told her that I would help her but she had to take the first step and re-type at least one sentence.

She sat down at the computer and pouted, re-cried and typed half of a sentence.

I tried to be Positive Princess by telling her that I would re-type the sentences if she would recall the sentences or make new ones.

No dice.  She was too far gone.  At that point she told me that she couldn’t remember ANY of the sentences that she typed and began to cry AGAIN.

By then, it was time to leave to get my other daughter to dance.  Can you say–late night homework?

On the drive to dance, I felt like my head was going to explode.

After all was said and done, we did finish up homework.  Late but better than never, eh?

We all know that sometimes, things just happen!  Crazy things, bad things, good things, … things.’ While experiencing my pounding head in the car, I kept thinking how utterly ridiculous and dramafied my daughter was being.  “So she was gonna have to do it over”?  All of that crying and laying out on the floor?

Seriously?

Then I felt the Holy Spirit say, “YES Seriously, Katina.  You have played the drama queen role a time or two yourself when things did not go your way.” 

Ouch!

Yep, I too have cried and collapsed onto the floor, procrastinated, got distracted, and refused to accept when bad things or just things I don’t like have happened to me. 

Just like with my daughter, I have expended a whole lot of energy which did not change ANYTHING.  Still had to do it over, still had to go through the experience. 

1 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. ……For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Looking back over the events of the day, I definitely now see a teachable moment for me and my daughter.

The next time something crazy/wrong/unfair happens, we have an opportunity to PRAY and TRUST that God will provide us the strength to get through whatever it is. Yes Divas, don’t lose heart!

How do you respond when crazy/wrong/unfair things happen to you?

This Post is part of a weekly meme hosted by Shell over at Things I can’t Say!

Monday evening, my two daughters played dress up with my clothes.  It would have been a very cute thing except that they had on my “good clothes” and they did NOT clean up their mess.  My girls are 10 and 8, so cleaning up what they mess up is not an unrealistic expectation. 

I asked them to clean up earlier in the evening but I did not check to be sure that they complied with my request.  When I came upstairs to go to bed, all of their dress up clothes-cough–(my work and dressy clothes) were spewed on top of the bed. I yelled their names, as I often do, and demanded that they clean up!  Since I used my crazy-mommy-yelly voice, they quickly complied and I exhaustedly climbed in the bed and immediately went to sleep.

The next morning, I noticed that several of my things (make up, travel toiletry bag, combs and brushes) were all over the bathroom floor.  With a tired exhalation, I picked those things up off of the floor and placed them on the top of the counter.   As I was getting ready, I opened the cabinet under the sink to find several totes, make up and you name it just THROWN inside.  In fact, when I opened the cabinet, things forcefully fell out!

To say that I was enraged at that very moment would be an understatement.  Kray-Kray-Krazy Katina was there in an instant.  I started snatching things out from under the cabinet and throwing them across the bathroom while yelling about how unfair it was for the girls to touch my things and then just mush them under the cabinet instead of putting them back. 

My husband was asleep but Kray-Kray Krazy made sure that he was no longer soundly sleeping.

The REALLY crazy thing is that he didn’t even get up and come into the bathroom to see what all the fuss was about.  Unfortunately, Kray-Kray is becoming the norm for me. 

I can feel Kray-Kray coming on and usually after she appears, I PROMISE myself, God,and the girls that she will not return; that I will stop yelling and not get so angry.

I woke the girls up furiously.  I loudly entered their rooms, clicked on the lights, and barked “GET UP”!  As soon as my youngest daughter’s eyes were open, I “grit teethed” told her that it was very disrespectful of her to use my things and just throw them back up under the cabinet.  She responded “sorry Mommy”.

I didn’t even respond to her apology.  Kray-Kray had heard sorry before so she was off to her next victim. When I “grit-teethed” gave my oldest daughter a piece of my mind about the whole non-cleaning-throwing-mommy’s-stuff incident, she BACK TALKED me!”Oh-no-she-didn’t?” 

So you know what happened.  Kray-Kray-Krazy Katina went berserk.  The rest of the morning was a blur. 

I cried while driving into work.

A good cry can really clear out your mind.  My tears helped me become a little more rational.  I began thinking:  “Ok, they used my stuff and did not put it back correctly.  Why did I get so upset?  Why do I find it so hard to keep my promise?”

A counselor friend of mine, shared the HALTS method with me. 

The HALTS method says do not get too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Scared. When we are any of these things, research says we are more vulnerable to feel unhappy and easily become irritated.

Ok, so my husband was leaving for an all week work trip later that day–anticipated Lonely(check).  I was ALREADY tired from trying to get everything done since I knew he was going out of town—Tired (check).  Working my day job, running my side-business, and having to do ALL the homework and carpooling by myself had me so worried that I was not going to be able to get it all done–Scared (check).  Just simply mad that I cannot afford to not work and just do my side business-Angry (check).  I hadn’t eaten anything yet–Hungry (check)!  WOW!

My yelling is an issue but it is not the REAL issue.  The REAL issue is that Mommy needs to: recommit to her quiet times, go to bed earlier,  let some housework go undone, repeat the same play list from a previous week for her fitness class from time to time, let blogging go, go and actually use her massage membership that she has not used since she purchased it.  Mommy needs to take care of herself so that she can take care of her family and other responsibilities.  Alas, the reason the flight attendants tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you place it on others.

Will taking care of myself mean that I will NEVER yell again?  Probably not, but if I can remember to address what I am really feeling, I may be able to keep Kray-Kray Krazy Katina at bay.   

Do you have any promises that being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Scared are hindering you from keeping?

Ephesians 5:29-30 None of us hate our own bodies. We provide for them and take good care of them, just as Christ does for the church, because we are each part of his body.

As Easter winds down, I can feel myself slipping into feeling down.  The girls go back to school tomorrow and I go back to work.  Our Spring Break is OVER. (Picture a very sad face here.)Back to the same-ole-same-ole:  work, rushing to throw something at the stove for dinner, homework, dance, etc. 

To me, the build up to Easter is phenomenal! I mean, it IS one of the most important Christian Holidays.  Its meaning is so emotional and hard to truly understand.  Laying down one’s life for a friend?  Talk about noble and sacrificial and for all of us!

With its meaning, it makes sense that the build up would be huge.  The real challenge is post-Easter.   Easter or not, school starts back tomorrow and so does work.  Bills still have to be paid and taxes have to be completed by mid April.  Now, that Easter is just about “over” in the celebration sense of the word, how do I proceed tomorrow?

For that Divas, I must put on my symbolic WWJD (What would Jesus Do) bracelet:

In the twenty-first chapter of John, we find an account of the third time Jesus appeared to the disciples after his resurrection:

John 21:1-12 (CEV)

1Jesus later appeared to his disciples along the shore of Lake Tiberias. …..4…Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize who he was….. 9 When the disciples got out of the boat, they saw some bread and a charcoal fire with fish on it……12 Jesus said, “Come and eat!”

“Here is the risen Christ, the one who is called both Lord or Lords and King of Kings, roasting a few fish for his friends. It strikes me that’s the perfect image of how we can face the challenge of blue Monday. Whether it be a dark and cloudy morning or a dark night of the soul. Be not anxious that you have not sustained the heights of ecstasy or the pinnacle of success…..Thank God for the simple things. On your morning after it may be enough to offer a gift to a friend. Cook a meal for somebody; send a note or email to someone you haven’t seen for awhile. For in such simple ways, the foundations of the world begin to shake. Amen.” Charles Henderson

  
Happy Monday Divas! How can you spread the Good News this ”post-Easter” week  by serving some one else?

I recently entered the maurices Main Street Model contest.  To catch you up if you have no idea what I am talking about:

The retailer, maurices, is hosting a “Main Street Model Contest” where they claim that they are looking for every day women who represent the maurices brand to be in their next ad campaign.  What really caught my eye about the contest is that the winners are able to chose a charity in their community to be given a $7,500 donation.

I made it through the first level of the contest where the public is able to vote for you.  Unfortunately, I did NOT advance to the semi-finalist level.

For the first time, when it was about ME, I struggled but I stayed positive.  It is easy for me to stay positive about something for you but when it comes to me, that is a whole different story.

People kept telling me that I was going to win.  I smiled on the inside and I really started to believe it.  I did my very best on the bio, in my photo shoot and in my video submission.  I was very meticulous about the details:  wardrobe, hair make-up etc.  I even agonized over what I was going to say in my monologue on the video.

When everything was submitted, I felt good about it.  I had given it my best.  I did everything with excellence. 

As such, I should have advance to the next level right?

WRONG.

When I read the generic email that they sent me to tell me that I did not advance to the next level; I felt raw.   Honestly, I felt like 17 year old Katina who did not make the homecoming court.

Then, I felt stupid.  Stupid for even entering in the first place.  I knew all the winners last year were half my age and they followed suit with that this year.  (The oldest semi-finalist is 25).

Then, I felt embarrassed.  Now, I would have to tell everyone that I did not make it.  Now, I am going to have to explain to people that I failed.

Then I started “shoulding”:  I should have straightened my hair.  I should have made the video shorter.  I should have said more about the charity in the video.  Blah, Blah, Blah.

Then, I felt angry.  Angry with myself for being positive and hoping for the best.  Ah yes, the negative self talk twin started immediately.  “See, this is why we don’t enter these types of things?  They are a big waste of time. Why did you even THINK that you could win?  You are old, black, and short…….so NOT America’s picture of beauty.”

Yes folks, I went THERE and in a millisecond.  It didn’t take me all day to get in a deep dark pit.

So I sat in my mental dark pit all while remaining stoic on the outside.  My daughters hugged me and cried about me not winning.  I patted them on their backs but no tears were falling from my eyes.

My hands were shaking and my throat was dry but I was at a loss for how to express how I felt.  Tears may have helped but I seriously felt like that at 38, with all the great blessings I have, I should not be crying about not winning a modeling contest.

So, I sat there.  I was embarrassed to even be sitting! 

We just happened to be on the last leg of our spring break vacation while all of this was going on so I really tried my best to put on a happy face for my girls.  I muddled through dinner, yes I will have another corn fritter and by the way, I will also have a REAL COKE! (Take that!)

I also “liked” and responded to all of my facebook well wishers who responded to my “I didn’t make it” status post. 

Later in the evening, I checked my email and found an email from one of my fitness class participants:

“I just had to let you know how much i appreciate you and your kind spirit.  I was in tears on Saturday evening after reading your blog on the site.  i hadn’t read it before, and found it to be a wonderful pass time.  your examples of life situations were real, and my tears came from the scriptures that you placed after each to help understand and know that HE is still there in the midst of it all…….I thank you for your honesty and not being ashamed to “let your light shine”. I pray that you will continue to be voice to HIS people b/c we need it.”

WOW! Divas, even before the contest, I had already written this blog off.  I don’t get a fourth of the comments that other bloggers do, so I had just assumed that nobody even reads what I write. 

Then it hit me.  God HAS commanded me to let my light shine.  Letting it shine means that others will SEE it.  Some people will be drawn to the light, some will merely notice it, and in the case of the maurices judges, some will NOT like it.  My job is to not be ashamed of it!

The simple reality is that failure is so NOT fun but it IS a part of life.  How we handle failure is very important to our spiritual life and is an indicator of our level of maturity.

So, once again, I have another opportunity to put on my big girl panties!  No more negative self talk.  No more feeling stupid.  I am disappointed but NOT defeated.

Here are the facts: 

The competition is over and it did not go the way I would have wanted.

I have NO idea how many women may have been encouraged to set a goal or dream a dream because they saw me enter a national model contest with my old, short, black, and not size 2 self!

I love this quote by Tim Tebow: “I have so many things to work on, and so many ways that I fail. But that’s what grace is all about. and I constantly wake up every morning trying to get better, trying to improve, trying to walk closer to God”

Proverbs 24:16 – “Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. But when trouble strikes the wicked, that’s the end of them.” (CEV)

Divas, have you ever failed and thought it was the end of you and then God showed you that it wasn’t?  I would love to hear about it!  (Put it in the comments section!)

This post is part of a weekly meme hosted by Shell at Things I can’t Say!

For those of you who don’t know, I entered the maurices Main Street Model contest and I made the first cut!!!! Whoo hoo! I am one of the top 100 contestants from across the country. Read the back story HERE
Very exciting times except that with all the deadlines and such, there are more opportunities for me to let things like cooking and housework go!

So, I am back on the wagon of meal planning! Y’all know I loathe the grocery store. I cook mostly because the people that live here need to eat and it is healthier and cheaper to eat at home. That being said, cooking is JUST NOT my favorite thing to do.

Some people get great joy out of cooking. My mother is one of those people and she is an awesome cook. Long recipes and lengthy cooking processes stress me out. I need quick, easy AND yummy of course!

I know, I AM such a princess! Anywho, things are REALLY busy around here right now so I thought that I would try to get a little more organized in an effort to help!

Here is what we are having this week: ( My plan is to make a double portion of each recipe so that we can have left overs)

SUNDAY- Crock Pot Stew Meat
with rice and green beans

MONDAY-Honey Lime Chicken
Salad

TUESDAY-Stew Meat Left Overs

WEDNESDAY-Spaghetti and Meatballs (SUPER EASY)

THURSDAY–Spaghetti left overs!

FRIDAY-Ground Beef Pitas
1-2 pounds lean beef prepared with chopped onion, salt, and lemon pepper
Once meat is prepared, scoop into a whole wheat pita pocket
top with cheese, salsa and Cucumber Ranch Dressing

Saturday–Who knows!

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Totally NOT being corny, maurices is my FAVORITE place to shop for clothes. I can ALWAYS find something when I go in there and I just love the look of their clothes. On one of my many shopping trips, I was having fun with the girls that work at my maurices, when I noticed the Main Street Model campaign banner and the winners from last year.

I jokingly said to one of the sales associates, “they need some chocolate on the wall”! She responded, you are right and YOU should enter.

“Yeah right”, I said. “No really you should! She shrieked. “Go to the website and check it out.”

So, for some reason, I went to the website and checked it out. It was encouraging that the women who won were really “Main Street” girls. They were not all size 0, in fact they had some plus size models! However, all of the winners were under 24 years old.

I called maurices corporate and asked them how old was their oldest winner, and they said 31. Humph, I am just 7 years and a few months more than that! My daughters laughed at me and told me that I am too old to be a model.

After investigating the contest, what really convinced me to actually enter is that the winners “win” a $7,500 makeover for the local charity of their choice.

I chose Crisis Control Ministries. Crisis Control Ministries is a nonprofit agency that provides a range of services for people in my community who are in crisis. They offer food assistance through various food pantries and financial help with housing and utility payments. In addition to help with food and shelter, they also have a licensed free pharmacy for residents who cannot afford their prescription medications.

In my regular “day job” as a pharmacist and even in my night time passion of dance fitness instructor, I see a lot of people in crisis. Lost jobs, deaths, divorces, illness, all kinds of things that can devour finances and leave people with nothing. As a nation, we need safety net providers like Crisis Control Ministries.

So I entered the contest not really knowing what to expect. I posted on my Facebook pages, on twitter, and sent out a few emails to select friends that I was entering this contest. What happened next blew my mind.

A lot of people starting posting that they voted for me! People that I don’t even know have stopped me out in the community and told me that they voted for me (I live in a VERY small town). The local newspaper even did an article on me.

Just after I entered the contest, I placed a small prayer box on the sign-in table of my fitness classes. I announced that people could place their prayers in the box and that I would pray for them. When I first opened the box and read the prayers, it was very emotional. Women who come to class week after week and smile back at me are battling: depression, very sick children, job loss, cancer, you name it.

Since entering the contest, some women have come up to me after class and shared with me that they or one of their family members have received help from Crisis Control. The ladies in my class have been by biggest cheerleaders.

God is showing me that entering this contest is so much bigger than me. Having the support of my “divas” from class and my entire community has been so humbling.

When I first entered the contest, I didn’t even consider winning. I have never been one of those people to optimistically look forward to something. I have always been a “wait and see” and “don’t count my chickens before they hatch” kind of girl. Praying for other women has helped me trust God to show up big, at least for them.

Today in church, our pastor challenged us by asking “What is the one thing that you know God wants you to do but you are not doing it”.

My answer: expect greatness. Wow.

It brings me to tears just to type that. Why is that so hard for me to expect great things for myself?

William Carey the great Christian Missionary had the following as the motto for his life: “Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.”

I have no idea what God has in store. Advancing to the next level could be it. Just having the gumption to enter could be it. Nonetheless, this time, I am going to expect greatness.

Knowing God as I do, He will use my advancement or even just my entering to draw people close to him.

Voting ends tomorrow at 12 noon Mountain time. Please be so kind as to give me your vote by going HERE.

Thank you so much!