Peace,Love,Happiness

Joy

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 05:40:00 +0000

Only Yesterday . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 04:33:00 +0000

"You were the dawn breaking the night,

the promise of morning light

filling the world surroundin' me."

I've read some sad tales about loneliness, lack of love and Valentine's Day this past week in Bloggerville. There are people in my life who are suffering from loneliness and having a difficult time dealing with it.

The holiday only seems to heighten the awareness of loneliness in one's life.

I've been there several times in my life and found the love I was searching for. My life is a testimony that it doesn't have to last forever . . . just a phase in our life if you open your heart and hold on to hope and faith.

This song says it all for me . . .

Only Yesterday | The CarpentersLyrics
After long enough of being alone,
everyone must face their share of loneliness.
In my own time nobody knew
the pain I was goin' through.
Waitin' was all my heart could do.
Hope was all I had until you came,
maybe you can't see how much you mean to me.
You were the dawn breaking the night,
the promise of morning light
filling the world surroundin' me.

When I hold you, baby, baby,
feels like maybe things will be all right.
Baby, baby, your love's made me free as a song
singin' for ever.
Only yesterday I was sad and I was lonely.
You showed me the way to leave the past
and all its tears behind me.
Tomorrow may be even brighter than today,
since I threw my sadness away only yesterday.

I have found my home here in your arms,
nowhere else on earth I'd really rather be.
Life waits for us, share it with me,
The best is about to be,
And so much is left for us to see.

Long nights, slow days

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:49:00 +0000

It is another entry from the past making me realize that sometimes the lovesick pains we go through are necessary for growth in a relationship, especially an online relationship that has gone on for a long time through the marvels of modern technology of the internet and long telephone conversations.

With a serious long distance relationship comes an unlimited amount of fear and doubt from both sides. Patience and perseverance is mandatory and not always possible, resulting in the ups and downs that make you feel as if you are going crazy.

The Captain came to me two years ago after a long distance relationship that kept us on the phone 24/7 with a bluetooth stuck to our ears. It is funny when I think about times like the holidays, when we were both celebrating with our respective families, yet together on the phone. I'd go out to lunch with my mom or with a friend . . . and the bluetooth stuck to my ear talking to The Captain at the same time. Crazy times!

There is something about starting an online relationship as an awesome friendship that grows into long distance love that makes one appreciate the other person in your life when you finally come together. It evolves through different phases, all the while getting to know and love that person.

I can't remember exactly when I realized that he was the one I wrote about years before, inspired by a song by Cher.

This entry was originally written on September 10, 2007

This song is for my man . . . the one I wait for, dream about . . . I feel you and our hearts beat as one . . . I see you but your face is a blur and I can't see your eyes. Who are you? Everywhere I look I see rain, that is what the song says . . . to me you are the rain, what the flowers need to grow and everything I need cause the days are slow.

The nights are long, the days slow . .. they have no meaning without you. I love you with all my heart . . . my spirit knows you, it feels you and wants you more than anything I have ever wanted before in my life. You are my everything, please come to me, reach out for my heart, touch my soul, my spirit and let me live again . . .

A long distance relationship worked for us although it was not easy.

We were married six months ago and I have not had any regrets!

Rain Rain | Cher
Lyrics:

Ooh Ooh Ooh

Everywhere I look I see rain. . .

Why am I here if you're there

So far away it's not fair

To be without you - like this

I miss you more than you know

The nights are long, The days slow

Without the warmth of your kiss

Wish you were back here with me

Cause out my window, All I see is

Rain, Rain in the sky

Everywhere I look my eyes see

Rain, rain fallin' down

Crying as it hits the ground

Rain, rain in my heart

Every day that we're apart

Rain, Rain

Falling rain, rain

Only rain, rain

The sun is strong when you're near

But when you're gone it disappears

Behind an ocean of blue

The telephone's not good enough

It can't reach out, it can't touch me

The way that you do

Wish you would knock at my door

Cause only you - can stop the pouring

Maybe I'll go outside

And walk beneath the clouds

Pretend it's you that's watching over me

This isn't the only thing that comes between us now

Baby soon we'll be - together

Love Poems

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 11:19:00 +0000

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with

huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and hunting.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.

Author Unknown

Seems like neither woman or

man asks for too much, huh?

Brand New Day

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:52:00 +0000

Turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock,

We'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day

lyrics from the songBrand New Day by Sting

How many of you people out there

Been hurt in some kind of love affair

And how many times do you swear

that you'll never love again?

Yeah, never say never . . . especially to saying that you'll never love again . . . then you feel the words of the song . . . "I'm the rhythm in your tune, I'm the sun and you're the moon" . . . and you think OMG love is pain, is bitter and cruel, the devil in your soul . . . but on the other hand you see that "I'm the glove, you're the hand" that fits together so perfectly and you turn the clock to zero and start a brand new day despite the fact that you vowed to never feel that way again.

You have no choice over when it will hit you . . . sometimes it hits you harder than other times. It could come out of nowhere, it could build with time . . . it is such a force that when you find yourself in it you can't decide if you have been blessed or cursed. Turn the clock to zero and start a brand new day. Why not . . . you never know if this time is the right time. Fate and destiny has a way of grabbing you when you least expect it.

The song is one of my favorites . . . a happy, optimistic song about love by Sting, Brand New Day.

The mentality of being in love with love . . .the curse of the hopeless romantic.

What is wrong with turning the clock to zero

and starting up a brand new day?

NOTHING!

Lyrics

How many of you people out there

Been hurt in some kind of love affair

And how many times do you swear that you'll never love again?

How many lonely, sleepless nights

How many lies, how many fights

And why would you want to put yourself through all that again?

"Love is pain," I hear you say

Love has a cruel and bitter way

Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain

How could it be that what you need the most

Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?

You never want to feel so sad and lost again

One day you could be looking

Through an old book in rainy weather

You see a picture of her smiling at you

When you were still together

You could be walking down the street

And who should you chance to meet

But that same old smile that you've been thinking of all day

You can turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock all the way back

I wonder if she'll take me back

I'm thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, sister

You'll never know how much I missed her

Starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, boss

The river's wide, we'll swim across

Started up a brand new day

It could happen to you - just like it happened to me

There's simply no immunity - there's no guarantee

I say love's such a force - if you find yourself in it

And sometimes no reflection is there

Baby wait a minute, wait a minute

Wait a minute, wait a minute

Turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, Mac

I'm begging her to take me back

I'm thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, boss

The river's wide, we'll swim across

Started up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero buddy

Don't wanna be no fuddy duddy

Started up a brand new day

I'm the rhythm in your tune

I'm the sun and you're the moon

I'm a bat and you're the cave

You're the beach and I'm the wave

I’m the plow and you’re the land

You're the glove and I'm the hand

I'm the train and you're the station

I'm a flagpole to your nation - yeah

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Starting up a brand new day

I'm the present to your future

You're the wound and I’m the suture

You're the magnet to my pole

I'm the devil in your soul

You're the pupil I'm the teacher

You're the church and I'm the preacher

You're the flower I'm the rain

You're the tunnel I'm the train

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Starting up a brand new day

You're the crop to my rotation

You're the sum of my equation

I'm the answer to your question

If you follow my suggestion

We can turn this ship around

We'll go up instead of down

You're the pan and I'm the handle

You're the flame and I'm the candle

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

We're starting up a brand new day

Where to go from here?

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 15:24:00 +0000

Since I met The Captain, my writing has become less personal for many reasons. As time has gone on, I've become less anonymous . . . and I am no longer the widow struggling to make it through the day, but doing it anyway just because I am stubborn that way.

It seems like I've arrived at a place in life where I don't feel like I'm helping anyone going through a struggle even though after all these years, I am where I have wanted to be. As a result, I have nothing to say! Maybe I'm just going through blog burnout again.

My blogging endeavors began on MSN Communities and Yahoo 360 back in 2002 as a daily journal of dealing with life changes after the death of my spouse, where I wrote about how I was feeling, what I was going through, what was going through my twisted mind in an attempt to sort it out. It changed my life for the better in so many ways. Blogging had purpose.

There was lots of interaction with my readers . . . now it is down to almost no interaction. Maybe it is a change in blogging times. I feel like an echo in a canyon beating a dead drum.

While I am far from attaining "normal" . . . whatever that is . . . I no longer have the desire to share my feelings with the world. Maybe I need to start over again with a new identity and become "anonymous" again.

Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow . . .

Obstacles have a reason

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:05:00 +0000

The years that followed the death of my husband back in 2002 were mainly dark, lonely, sad, miserable and full of obstacles to happiness in all areas of my life.
My life philosophy is "everything happens for a reason" . . . even obstacles have a reason.
Sometimes in life we get stuck in present time and forget where we came from. This morning I had a time of reflection and went back to old journal entries, those dark, lonely and mainly sad days of contemplating where my life was going. The obstacles often overwhelmed me.
Music has always had an awesome impact on me. The song "Rain, Tax, It's Inevitable" by Celine Dion was one of those songs that I clung to in those dark days. "Sooner or later it had to come true" . . . I knew that somewhere in this big world there was someone out there who was looking for me. Somewhere a perfect man for me.
Faith is one of those things that I felt with childlike anticipation.
Where would I be without my faith in God?
Where would I be without the obstacles I had to go through to feel the miracle of faith and love?

All I know is that faith kept me going through those times of feeling the waves of overwhelm that swept over me, constantly knocking me down. Each time I picked myself back up, I was astonishingly stronger . . . and ready for the next obstacle.
Obstacles of the past have made it easier to jump the hurdles of life's obstacles in present times. They have a reason and a place in our life history.
Life lessons and those obstacles . . . they constantly prepare us for what is to come . . . good and bad.

Save the internet!

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:33:00 +0000

Many websites are blacked out today to protest proposed U.S. legislation that threatens internet freedom: the Stop Internet Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA). From personal blogs to Wikipedia, sites all over the web — including this one — are asking you to help stop this dangerous legislationfrom being passed.

http://wordpress.org/

From Wikipedia:

Imagine a World
Without Free Knowledge

For over a decade, we have spent millions of hours building the largest encyclopedia in human history. Right now, the U.S. Congress is considering legislation that could fatally damage the free and open Internet. For 24 hours, to raise awareness, we are blacking out Wikipedia. Learn more. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Test

FROM MOZILLA:

The Protect IP Act (PIPA) – the US Senate's version of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the US House – is gaining steam.

SOPA is still likely to pass – and we expect its supporters to try and move it soon – but, right now, we also need to watch the Senate because Majority Leader Harry Reid is thinking about moving PIPA soon.

But just as SOPA would not achieve its stated goal of stopping piracy online, nor would this. Just like SOPA, this bill will create new cybersecurity risks and jeopardize the basic structure of the internet as we know it.

And as a non-profit committed to keeping the web open and accessible to all, Mozilla wants to ensure that this legislation does not pass in its current form.

By working with other organizations fighting to protect the internet as we know it, and by reaching out to people like you, we're helping organize a massive amount of constituent calls to the Senate, asking them not to passPIPA in its current form.

We need as much support as we can get – will you call the Senate today?

https://donate.mozilla.org/page/s/commit-to-call-pipa

From BOING BOING:

503: Service Unavailable

Boing Boing is offline today, because the US Senate is considering legislation that would certainly kill us forever. The legislation is called the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA), and would put us in legal jeopardy if we linked to a site anywhere online that had any links to copyright infringement.

This would unmake the Web, just as proposed in the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA). We don't want that world. If you don't want it either, visit AmericanCensorship.org for instructions on contacting your Senator. The Electronic Frontier Foundation has more information on this and other issues central to your freedom online.

Thanks,
The Boingers

http://boingboing.net/

PLEASE HELP US SAVE THE INTERNET!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/giggitygreg/find-out-who-is-behind-sopa-and-help-stop-it-1ncg

THE SCENE IS REAL and we support REAL causes that matter to us all! SOPA will destroy FREEDOM on the internet as we know it! IF you care at all...please share one of these links!

The Awakening

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 21:42:00 +0000

The journey that you are making now is most wonderful.

It is called human life.

This life, as you have manifested a body, a career, a dwelling
place, a mate, co-workers, experiences of workshops and
places of gathering, this experience of life is most wonderful,
because you have created it.

You are creating it moment by moment.

Enjoy the journey. This lifetime you will never live again.
so make the most of it. Enjoy the journey of this lifetime.

Allow yourself to come completely truly alive
in this lifetime, to be able to speak to other ones
from the heart, not fearing that you are going to fail
or have some other tragedy befall you.

(Author unknown)

Today is the beginning of a new year . . . the turning of a calendar page that is synonymous with making resolutions and reflecting on life in general.

My focus on the new year is the celebration of life itself . . . concentrating on home and family . . . making this house an awesome home for me and my new husband.

I don't like to make resolutions . . .

I'm making incremental lifestyle changes!

Happy New Year :)

Plenty of time?

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:09:00 +0000

He promised his son they would camp out all night,
Get up very early before it was light,
And go to the lake where the hungry fish bite.
But he put off the trip for the plan wasn't right.
After all -- he had plenty of time.

He promised his wife they would soon get away
For a week, or a night, or just part of a day,
To rekindle the love they had let go astray.
But his work for the present left no time for play.
After all -- he had plenty of time.

He promised his daughter he'd teach her to ski.
When he bought snow equipment, she shouted with glee.
Each year as she dreamed that the ski slopes she'd see,
Her skis gathered dust -- on deaf ears fell her plea.
After all -- he had plenty of time.

He vowed to his parents he'd visit them more,
And offer his help with a much needed chore.
They lovingly looked for his face at the door,
And grieved when his absence went on as before.
After all -- he had plenty of time.

He thought that one day when his life was more slow,
He'd find a good church where he wanted to go,
And learn from the Bible the things he should know,
While talent and goods on the poor he'd bestow.
After all -- he had plenty of time.

His death came before some folks thought it was due,
And it shocked all his family, and friends that he knew.
So they buried him high on a hill with a view,
To watch through the seasons as life starts anew.
After all -- he has plenty of time.

By Betty Jo Mings

How many times do you catch yourself saying "I'll start on this or that tomorrow"? The approach of a new year got me thinking about this since it is always a new beginning, a time of making resolutions for the future . . . a benchmark to start a new project, get healthy . . . as a society, most of us do it ritually.

The realism of lives cut short hit home again for The Captain and me in the past couple of months . . . those people in our lives whose time ran out without warning.

One, a seemingly healthy man in his early 50's got up one morning, washed his boat, came inside to take a shower, collapsed and died of a sudden heart attack. Just like that his life was over without warning. Most of his family members didn't even get to say goodbye . . . there wasn't enough time. A successful man of means whose money couldn't buy him the time to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Time . . . something we all perceive we have plenty of.

Another . . . a troubled and lost 40-something confirmed bachelor who drifted through life with a free spirit attitude, possessing a lust for life that many of us would envy. He was a blue-collar construction worker afflicted with pains from an old injury. His doctor prescribed all the meds he needed for pain management. After a night of partying on Thanksgiving Eve, he peacefully passed away in his sleep as his mom cooked Thanksgiving dinner in the other room. Drug overdose . . . he stretched the limits of mixing drugs and alcohol just like so many others do every day. His time of pushing those limits ran out.

This post is not intended to be morbid or a downer . . . take it as an inspiration to celebrate life to the fullest every single day that you are blessed with.

The one thing in life that is an absolute . . .

no one escapes time running out.

Desperate Times

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 15:45:00 +0000

What is happening to our society? Perhaps it is desperate economic times? Or do we just not care about others?

I'm watching the news and hearing reports of the bizarre behavior. Sometimes the news sounds like a spoof of the news. A 70-year old woman was punched in the face while doing her job at Wal-Mart, merely asking a customer to produce a receipt, which is a normal practice. She ended up in the hospital.

Mob mentality struck the Mall of America after it was rumored that some rap stars were making an appearance at the mall. What resulted was a stampede and general mayhem.

Black Friday just begins the holiday shopping season which used to bring out kindness in society. Now shoppers come armed with guns and pepper spray so they can get a good deal on "stuff" . . . if all fails, just knock the weaker person down and step on them. How sweet . . . watch out who you casually say "Merry Christmas" to, they may get offended.

What about flash mobs? Large numbers of teenagers who have choreographed criminal behavior with great success.

Sometimes I wonder why I enjoy online stopping as opposed to going to the mall or the local Wal-Mart . . . just watching the news today reminded me why.

Why not wear an awesome message?

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 12:01:00 +0000

From our family to yours

Merry Christmas!

Hope your day is happy, festive

and full of love :)

Guilt . . . how to get rid of it

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 14:43:00 +0000

When I read the following article on guilt, it sounded somewhat familiar . . . and one of my biggest problems. Feeling guilty often about everything and everybody, most of which make no logical sense at all, yet I can't shake it off . . . primarily because I am alive and my husband died young . . . it has haunted me.

Then I felt guilty since I've moved on with my life, fell in love again and now I'm someone else's wife. It makes me wonder if other widows who have moved on have had similar emotions. I'd love to hear from you . . .

This is the one area where guilt hits me bad, but not limited to this . . . no, I do have a conscience even though I continuously make others upset with me because I am true to myself and generally do exactly what I want to do despite what others think. But I do pay the price with guilt . . .

Everyone feels guilty from time to time, but being consumed with compunction can suck the joy out of life. I'm beginning to see it is one of the things in my life that needs to change like now.

What, Exactly, Is Guilt?

Guilt is a feeling of remorse that arises when you have done something wrong or think you have. As a rule, “people feel guilty when they feel they’ve failed or transgressed in some way,” says June Tangney, a professor of psychology at George Mason University, in Fairfax, Virginia. Guilt pops up when a spouse says something he realizes is hurtful, when a parent loses her temper with a child, or when a guest breaks the host’s heirloom vase. “It typically arises when you cause someone else pain,” Tangney says.

That is why guilt is not all bad, says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D., director of social psychology at Duke University, in Durham, North Carolina: “Emotions like guilt are essential to social relationships.” They motivate you to take other people’s feelings into account. In most cases, you simply register the feeling of guilt and that leads to some sort of attempt to make amends — to apologize, to behave with more care — which can help preserve important relationships.

When Guilt Becomes a Problem

There are times when guilt ceases to serve any purpose other than to make you unhappy. Some people even slide into exhausting self-flagellation. When you obsess about something you’ve done without any purpose or clear goal, “that’s when you need a reality check,” says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D.

But even a moderate amount of guilt can weigh on women, who tend to feel it more than men. The general view is that women are more focused on the caring role, and caring is the bedrock of guilt. What’s more, in a busy world, says professor June Tangney, women often feel that they must choose between shortchanging family and friends (guilt!), cutting corners at work (more guilt!), and ignoring their own needs (yet another type of guilt!). “For many women, the standards are impossibly high, and the world — and their inner voices — are telling them that nothing they do is good enough,” Tangney says. It’s all too easy to feel as though you’re always falling short.

How to Handle Your Guilt

1. Talk it out.

That unfortunate joke you told at the party sounds horrible when you play it over and over in your head. But if you tell a friend, it may not seem so bad. “Secrecy is the intensifier of guilt,” says Edward Hallowell, M.D., the author of Dare to Forgive: The Power of Letting Go & Moving On (HCI, $13, www.amazon.com), because keeping it to yourself doesn’t allow for fresh perspective. “Once you’ve bared something that you find troubling and discover that your friend isn’t nearly as shocked as you thought she would be, the guilt begins to drain away and you feel better.” And even if your friend is somewhat shocked, just airing the topic can keep you committed to being more sensitive in the future. By discussing the issue openly, “you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, that you’ve done things that aren’t pretty,” says Hallowell. But that doesn’t mean you should punish yourself forevermore.

2. Try to make amends.

If you’ve done something that you truly regret, say you’re sorry and try to remedy the situation. Most people appreciate the conciliatory gesture because it’s a signal that you care about their feelings and value the relationship. And you may find that they weren’t all that upset. “Very often the things you are feeling guilty about didn’t have any impact on the other person,” says Hallowell, “and you’re suffering for no reason.”

3. Try a reality check.

Guilt often arises automatically, based on standards internalized during childhood. So before you reflexively accept guilt, take a minute to stop and ask, “Am I consciously living by my own expectations?” says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D. Perhaps your mother washed and waxed the floor twice a week. But you may not feel that’s the best use of your time and energy, so you choose not to. Still, you feel guilty about not waxing. Those are your mother’s priorities, not yours. And keep in mind that you may be the only one who is invested in the thing you feel so guilty about. “Worrying about your failings as a mother because you didn’t bake homemade cupcakes when the child doesn’t even care is guilt gone wrong,” says Margaret Clark, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Yale University.

4. Give yourself credit.

Remind yourself that what you did imperfectly is just part of being human, says Leary. Tell yourself, Everybody is late from time to time. Or Everybody says something stupid on occasion. That the behavior isn’t unique to you doesn’t make it OK, but it’s reason enough to stop beating yourself up about it.

Try keeping a journal of all the good things that you’ve done. “Typically, people who are susceptible to guilt have a hard time giving themselves credit for anything,” says Hallowell. So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed by guilt, stop and list five things you’ve done that are praiseworthy, whether they are small or large.

5. Break a sweat.

Instead of sitting around in a funk, go for a run, a bicycle ride, or a swim or play a few sets of tennis. “Working out is like hitting the reset button on your brain,” says Hallowell. “It’s hard to exercise and feel guilty at the same time.” Granted, this is not a permanent fix for an overwhelming feeling that you aren’t pulling your weight at work or you’re neglecting a friend, but it’s a perfect antidote for smaller, isolated issues that may keep you awake for a night or two.

6. Beware of guilt trips.

Guilt isn’t always something that you load on yourself. Some people (whether they intend to or not) induce guilt in others — often to advance their own agendas.

To avoid falling prey to this, assess whether the other person’s point of view is legitimate and if he or she is taking your needs into account. For example, perhaps your elderly mother doesn’t get out much and loves your visits. But your daily presence will not literally cure what ails her, as she none-too-subtly suggests. If making the long trip to see her every day means you have to neglect your own family and yourself, this is a setup for more guilt. In this case, your mother’s need is legitimate but her representation of it is exaggerated.

Talk to the other person about solutions that work for both of you so no one feels resentment toward the other. And if all else fails, bringing her a batch of cookies (store-bought) always makes things better.

Are You Too Guilty?

When you torment yourself over every little transgression, guilt can become toxic, even paralyzing. It can also jeopardize your health, contributing to depression, social anxiety, and eating disorders. “There’s a difference between a sensitivity to other people’s feelings and toxic guilt,” says psychiatrist Edward Hallowell. To help assess how guilt may be affecting you, see how many of the following statements ring true for you.

1. You can’t seem to stop saying that you’re sorry.

2. Other people keep telling you that you’re too hard on yourself, that you expect too much from yourself.

3. Your mantras have become “I should have,” “I wish I had,” “I must.”

4. You can’t remember the last time you did something just for you: a movie, a manicure, a nap.

5. You can’t say no, even if meeting someone else’s needs means giving up the movie and the manicure.

6. You avoid people or situations because you think you don’t belong or you’re not good enough.

7. You feel resentful when you do something for someone else.

8. Everything is your fault.

9. Everything is your fault because you’re stupid, bad, or unworthy.

10. You can’t accept anything short of perfection from yourself.

Results: If more than five of the 10 statements describe how you often feel, it may be time to take steps to get your guilt under control. “Talk to friends or family about how you feel,” says Hallowell, and try the other techniques in this article. If you still can’t rein in your guilt, consider talking to a therapist for more help, says Hallowell.

Source: Real Simple

Breathing in Heaven and Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 11:08:00 +0000

When we choose not to focus
On what is missing from our lives
But are grateful for the abundance
that's present,
We experience heaven on earth.

Sarah Breathnach

It was a troubling chapter in my life . . . I was so lost and desperately seeking the way to crawl out of the situation, knowing that in time I would. Sometimes I go back to my old journals and blog posts to grasp reality and see the transitions in my life since JR died. Those days were like a roller coaster that I could not stop . . . one day good, the next day unbearable and miserable . . . back and forth. I had to go through it to get to where I am today.

The following post was written back in 2008. Of course I still have bad days . . . and I've come to accept the fact that I have a condition that has been diagnosed as restlessness and anxiety. As time goes on, I've learned how to cope when those days appear. With the help of the wonderful man I married, I learned how to move on with life itself. It has been quite a journey back from the depths of depression as a result of grief and drastic life changes!

One of the reasons I blog about my journey is to help others going through a life situation that seems hopeless. Nothing is ever hopeless when you have faith that "this too shall pass" . . . it will.

The feeling of breathing in heaven and earth is awesome . . . in good AND bad times, when you learn how to be grateful. It is the lesson I had to learn before moving on with my life.

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY

WRITTEN JUNE 2008

The presence of faith, hope and limitless opportunities in my life is what I am most grateful for today. It is the absence of faith and hope in our lives which brings the mindset of depression, hopelessness and dread of life. The ability to regain faith within us, exhibiting the strength to blindly walk the path of opportunity, pulling oneself out of the pits of depression is the feeling of heaven on earth.

Sometimes we must go there . . . to enter the pits of depression and feel the fire . . . to be reminded of how much we have to be grateful for and realize what is missing in our life. Surprisingly, at this moment, I am grateful for feeling the heat of that fire.

To wake up with a smile on my face is a blessing . . . the hope and promise of a new day rather than the dread of having to wake up to face a living hell . . . that is the feeling of heaven on earth.

The pleasure of preparing a home cooked meal, enjoying and savoring every bite . . . rather than not having the appetite for anything or the emotional energy to put it together . . . another feeling I am so grateful for at this moment.

Living life rather than anticipating and waiting for death, pulling oneself out of the pits of depression, the feeling of standing on a steep cliff and seeing your life flash before your eyes . . . I'm so grateful for heaven on earth.

A thought occurs to me . . . as long as we are breathing there is hope and opportunity is always present, we just need to open our eyes and minds to see it. And from the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara . . . tomorrow is another day.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 14:56:00 +0000

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the, couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen! The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die." "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.

"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

Think about this:
Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight,
just remember the homeless family who

has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair.
There are people in this world for whom

driving is an unheard-of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work,
think of the man who has been out of work

for the last three months.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad,

think of the person who has never known

what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend,
think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve

hours a day, seven days a week, for -15.00

to feed her family.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles

away from assistance, think of the paraplegic

who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror,
think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes

she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering

what is life all about, asking, "what is my purpose?,"

be thankful. There are those who didn't live long

enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of
other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness

or insecurities, remember, things could

be worse--you could be them!

Source: Unknown

Decide Today

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 12:45:00 +0000

Decide today that you will have no regrets. And you'll free
up much time to actually get things done.

Decide today that you'll have no complaints. And your
thoughts can be focused on creative, productive pursuits.

Decide today that you'll carry no anger or resentment. And
you'll bring out the best in those around you.

Decide today to be accepting of whatever comes your way. And
you'll discover much value that would otherwise be hidden.

Decide today to be sincerely thankful for every moment. And
you'll be delighted at how beautiful and filled with
opportunity the world becomes.

Decide today to be truly alive. And joy will pour forth from
your soul.

Too Much Of A Good Thing . . . Not Possible!

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:16:00 +0000

Too much of a
good thing is wonderful.
(Mae West)

In my opinion . . . no such thing as too much of a good thing!

I've entered a state of contentment, an acceptance of the way things are in my life and knowing that isn't such a bad thing after all I have been through in the past. The Captain and I have settled into married life and I have no doubts that he is the most perfect person in this world for me. We have everything we need, but most of all, we have each other. This state of stability, contentment and happiness brings me peace.

Trust and faith in God also brings me peace and contentment.

Of course any situation could be better.
Couldn't any of us say that?
Anything could be better.

Peace comes from contentment with the status quo.

Have you ever thought of where
your peace comes from?

What brings peace in your life?

May you find peace and contentment in your life, especially in this holiday season! It can be a very lonely and sad time for so many . . . reach out to someone who is in need.

The Wonder of Luxuries

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 13:34:00 +0000

Some people have a wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy.

Abraham H. Maslow

For me, it has become a routine lifestyle . . . that of simple living and being grateful for what you have. Wanting only what I absolutely need has become the mindset. It was actually a turning point in my life . . . one that brought special meaning and appreciation for everything I am blessed with.

The lifestyle is one of survival for many . . . a lifestyle that way too many people in this world have had to adopt as we have moved into very poor economic times together with rampant unemployment.

The other night I learned how naive I have become with stuff and the necessities of life. Honestly, I do not need the extras anymore, although I still love those luxuries of life.

It was date night with The Captain . . . we went out to eat at our favorite neighborhood buffet and decided to go to the huge mall across town. I had forgotten how festive malls can be this time of year . . . I have not been to a mall in years. You can't help but get that awesome feeling of Christmas.

As we went past one of those kiosks lined up in the middle of the aisle, a sales lady came to me and offered to fix my hair. I'm always ready to be pampered! So, she proceeded to make my very long hair that is thick and curly very soft, straight and so shiny. I kept looking at myself in the mirror with great disbelief at how easy it was to make my hair straight with this cute little contraption. We always want what we don't have and I have always wanted straight hair.

Before I knew it, The Captain pulled out his wallet and bought me the cute little contraption! OMG . . . I wasn't even thinking about taking one home with me. It is quite a pricey little thing! What a treat! I was like a little girl the rest of the evening. For one thing I couldn't stop touching my silky soft hair . . . and I loved that my sweetie couldn't stop touching it either :) I held on to that bag like someone was going to steal my little treasure from me (well, in this world, you have to be careful in reality).

When I found the above quote, I thought about those little girl feelings I had that night, so happy with my new treasure and SO excited that I can have soft straight hair whenever I want!

I'm really grateful for and appreciate my new husband :) He's my treasured gift from God!

A luxury that is a basic need for me . . . my favorite perfume. I always find the best deals online! Here is one of my favorite websites to treat myself . . .

Happy Thanksgiving!

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 10:35:00 +0000

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our friends in Bloggerville

from The Captain and me. May you have a safe, festive

and blessed holiday with your family and friends.

I'm most grateful to have been so blessed to have found

love again . . . we will be celebrating our first Thanksgiving

together as a married couple :) Happy days!

What are you most grateful for?

Comfort Zones

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:24:00 +0000

A soft place to land is the term used by The Daily Om, describing the comfort zone as the place to "provide us with a safe and comforting refuge in which we can decompress and recover from the day’s stresses."

My little piece of paradise in Florida is my comfort zone . . . outdoor spaces for me are therapeutic. Our outdoor dining area provides that comfy, cozy spot to unwind, de-stress, take a timeout . . . or just relax.

I've always found that gazing at the sky provides that comforting feeling. There is something about watching the clouds pass by, observing the sun dissolve into the horizon, admiring a full moon with all its magic and twinkling stars on a clear night or experiencing night transforming into day.

My "Happy Place" is in the arms of The Captain, where I feel loved and safe from everything. It reminds me of the saying "home is where the heart is."

Comfort zones change as our life circumstances change . . .

When I first became a widow, my comfy bedroom recliner in the candlelit room with music playing in the background was my comfort zone, where I could grieve, come to terms with the swift manner in which my life had changed and figure out how to deal with it.

In my working days, the outdoors was my "escape" . . . away from the job stresses and office politics. As time went on, that comfort zone made it tolerable to stay at the job and not go completely insane.

A bad habit I'm happy to say I've conquered is finding the comfort zone in a rum and coke or a bottle of wine . . . not a happy place!

It is important to know when to retreat to the comfort zone to momentarily shift from the outside world back to the needs of our inner self.

What are some of your comfort zones?

Happy Veterans Day

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:42:00 +0000

In Flanders field the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

~Major John McCrae, May 1915~

The poem "In Flanders Fields" was written by a Canadian Doctor, while looking out over a field of graves. Some of the bloodiest battles of World War I took place in the areas of northern France and southwest Belgium known as Flanders and Picardy. Red poppies grew on the graves of dead soldiers in the fields of northern Europe. Poppy seeds will lie underground for years and bloom if they are plowed up. The tradition of honoring our dead by wearing Poppies spread from England to Canada and the U.S.

We still wear red paper Poppies today to honor our fallen heroes.

Just Do It

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 11:35:00 +0000

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it."

Olin Miller

"Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible."

George Claude Lorimer

"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task"

William James

Taking the first step was very difficult!

We got the hardest thing done first . . . moving the large pieces of furniture in the living room.

I've written about my problem with procrastination many times. It is like a curse that plagues me. Actually, it is pure and simple overwhelm. We just sat down and talked about the big picture of what we want to accomplish . . . then broke it down into the task that we would make the biggest leap into getting it going.

The plan was made to start the next day . . . just the one task . . . and how to tackle it with the promise to each other that we would JUST DO IT and not put it off any longer.

Even though it was a small step to the big picture, the good news is that it has started the forward motion of consistently working on it every day. Accomplishment feels good and calls for more as improvement is made. Fall cleaning and rearranging the house continues!

Getting things done is a great feeling!

Great expectations

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 10:33:00 +0000

In an older post,
I defined great expectations
as going beyond hope and faith.

Often faith is described as seeing the outcome before it happens. I felt it, I knew it. I just didn't know what "it" was. My hope was to be happy again. Some people are meant to share their lives with a significant other. I am one of them . . . definitely miserable living alone and grieving my loss way too long.

The gift in my greatest expectations was to find true love again. Little did I know . . . be careful what you wish for! As I experienced the most unusual and entertaining journey of my life, through the good and the bad aspects of it all, I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of falling in love again.

The one single thing that I remember in that time before I encountered The Captain is that I felt as though something wonderful was about to happen in my life. I just knew. God put a peace in my heart that surpassed all understanding and logic.

The following post describes the emotions of anticipation and great expectations as it relates to faith and hope . . . and "it."

My fuzzy dreams became a reality.

"It" was to love and be loved again.

The Captain has been one of the
greatest gifts in my life . . . friendship
that turns into love.

I'm still enjoying the moment :)

Never lose faith and hope, even in your darkest days.

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is there.

Originally posted March 2009

Out of the darkest despair of blue days came sunshine and rainbows, expectations and plans running through my mind repeatedly like a child on Christmas Eve being so excited anticipating Santa’s visit and what gifts he may bring.

The expectations are more like fuzzy dreams and what I’m feeling is the anticipation of what is to come with the faith that it is everything I need . . . that is all I want.

All of these fabulous emotions have brought me a peace and calmness that has allowed me restful sleep and a definite routine. As a result, the anxiety and restless feelings are under control and what is left goes beyond faith and hope . . . great expectations.

A slight shift in my thinking has made such a difference for me by putting a positive emphasis on enjoying the journey rather than constantly anticipating the destination.

Just as the excitement on Christmas Eve anticipating the gifts, once the gifts are open, where is the excitement of anticipation? The anticipation is what brings the most joy . . . at least it does for me.

The balance of the outcome, what I call the “ying/yang thing” is accepting the gifts, relax and enjoy them . . . experience and love the joy of the moment.

Living in the moment and anticipating unexpected changes in life as a new and exciting journey has been making a big difference in my life.

Has faith and hope ever given you

those kind of great expectations

that surpasses understanding?

Finding the key

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 02:06:00 +0000

"So often time it happens,

we all live our life in chains,

and we never even know

we have the key."

The Eagles, lyrics from the song

"Already Gone"

The possibilities are endless when the realization hits that we hold the key to that ball and chain many of us attach ourselves to.

Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence is an example of what could be seen as a ball and chain. Some people confuse the ball and chain as depression . . . it is a fine line.

Life circumstances can get someone to that point and play tricks on the mind. The thought process turns negative and everything looks impossible.

However, nothing is impossible when we know we have that key.

In the darkest days of my life, learning how to be grateful for the simplest of things helped me realize so much and put everything into perspective. Gratefulness was my key.

Do you know what yours is?

Follow Your Bliss

noreply@blogger.com (Gina Alfani) — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 11:08:00 +0000

It is amazing what simple little things can do to change our lives.

When I first became a widow so many years ago, my cousin Leslie was a great source of strength and support. Little did she know what a difference a sweet little gift she gave me would make in my life . . . an illustration of one lonely palm tree on a tiny little island, surrounded by a beautiful blue ocean with the caption in big words . . . FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.

It meant so much to me . . . and still does.

The print remains in plain sight where I can see it every time I pass by, reminding me to follow my dreams, surround myself with those little things that I love and make me happy . . . my world is what I make of it.

My interpretation of that print was a source of inspiration when I felt down . . . those days that hope and faith momentarily escaped me, leaving me scared, lonely and depressed. The triggers that forced me to pick myself back up and start all over again.

Years have passed and I am now happily married and madly in love with The Captain. I followed my bliss and made a new life for myself. Like everyone else, I have bad days . . . life is not perfect 24/7. But I have my source of inspiration . . . the print that reminds me to follow my bliss . . . and reminds me of how far I've come since those dark days so many years ago.

Find your source of inspiration . . . and follow your bliss!