Penni Brown

Musical Soul Mate

2010-11-09T05:53:00.000-08:00

I stan for Kanye. Like I know he's been known for saying some wild isht, but I love that he's fearless when it comes to exposing himself. (I don't mean the nudie pix floating around)

I used to say that I can't wait to see what he's up to when he turns 30. Now, I am looking forward to seeing how he's grown by the time he reaches 40. That combination of introspection mixed with maturity will be unstoppable.

Now, if only he would start dating brown girls...

Loyalty is NOT Always a Good Thing

2010-10-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if I'm embarking on a mid life crisis or what, but lately I have had the most profound epiphanies.

The other day I was cleaning out my nightstand. I keep a bunch of stuff in there, bills, old gift cards, cards that I bought for people but never gave them and old journals.

I haven't journaled with pen and paper in a few years. I think I stopped because I got tired of reading about my life. It was the same isht, just different names and different dates. This blog is an evolution of my journalling.

I consider myself a very loyal person. I haven't loved many people, but the few that I have I really rode with. They may have gotten on my nerves or hurt my feelings or taken me for granted, but I always went back to them.

I try to have a mature view of love. People disappoint, but that doesn't mean you should stop loving them. Maybe you just take a break for a while.

Or at least that's what I used to think. My position is still being formed, but now, I'm starting to think that kind of love is more about being stubborn. What if loyalty for me means, 'I'm gonna love you anyway'? I can see situations where this may be a good thing. But, I'm getting to a point where it makes sense for me to pack my love up and deliver it to someone that appreciates it.

One of the themes that kept playing out over and over again in my journals was this kind of stubborn love. A love that said,

"I couldn't have been wrong about you. You seemed worthy of my love so, I'm gonna stick with you until you become who I thought you were."

What if I was wrong? What if you aren't really a good person? What if you are really a self absorbed jerk? What if I believed what I wanted to believe and not what really was?

This fierce loyalty that I've always been so proud of seems to be more about me than the object of my loyalty. What am I trying to prove to myself?

And on the flipside, a loser knows when he or she is a loser. So when I find all of this virtue in them, they're either looking at me like a mark or like I'm crazy.

I've got to unpack this more but maybe I could stand to be a little less loyal.

Holla

*This post is about loyalty/love in a romantic situation, BFF or family member.

Today Was a Good Day!

2010-10-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

Today I started a new job. Thank God!

I had been with my old company for a long time. For the last 18 months, I experienced the most horrific workplace drama ever. Each night I would pray that God gave me strength and grace to deal with the situation without getting fired. The economy was in the first official stages of the Great Recession and I felt like I was fortunate to at least have a job, so I was not in a hurry to do anything to jeopardize it.

Looking back on it. I behaved like a house slave. I was treated horribly, but because I knew people in worse situations, I felt like I should be grateful. What complete and utter bullshit.* I kept thinking back to the time when I was fired out of the blue. I felt devastated then and I honestly didn't think I could get through that again.

Well, after my most recent performance rating decision, I started seeing things clearly. I started thinking that not only did I not deserve to be treated with such blatant disrespect, but I could do better! I know now that was divine inspiration. Sometimes you just need The Most High to yank you by the collar be like,

'Fool what are you doing?'**

'This is not the path that I set for you. You keep hitting roadblocks because I want you to go the OTHER WAY!"

So, one day it all just seemed really clear. I needed to make a move. Create a plan. Complete step 1 of that plan.

I'm about 3 steps in now I finally feel like I'm swimming downstream.

Holla

*I didn't mean to be blasphemous in a testimony post, but 'crap' just isn't passionate enough.

*Yes, Jesus is my homeboy and he speaks in urban colloquialisms.

Don't Get All Hyperdermic

2010-10-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm working from home. The traffic was horrendous, so I made a u-turn and decided to camp out at my dining room table today.

So, I'm sitting here, doing my work with the TV on in the background. I know, don't judge me. One of 'the judges'* shows was on. A woman was suing her car maintenance man. In his rebuttal, he was describing the animated behavior the woman displayed in his place of business. He said, 'Yeah, your honor, she came in there all hyperdermic.'

The judge said, 'Was she hypodermic or hyper?'

'Yeah, hyper. Or whatever you want to call it.'

My advice to you this week is be easy and don't get all hyperdermic about stuff!

Holla

*the judges - my Grandma categorizes Judge Brown, Judge Judy, Judge Greg Mathis, etc as the judge shows. Judge Hatchett is 'that pretty judge'.

Hubris...and Eddie Long

2010-10-01T03:12:00.000-07:00

I have been following the Eddie Long scandal. Isn't it amazing how the sanctified chorus (the leaders of the other prominent mega churches) have decided to 'reserve judgement' until that man is found guilty in a court of law. These guys took the same stance when Weeks beat his wife in the parking lot. The brotherhood sticks together like glue.

Ultimately, this is the story of a man that may have abused his power and position and influenced people that trust him into doing his will, not HIS will.

This story isn't about the Bentley, the mansion, the muscle shirts, the Ph.D from an unaccredited school or even the curly toupee.

I don't understand why the man didn't just make a public statement declaring that 'I didn't do it. Those boys are lying on me.' Instead he blamed it on 'the devil'. It would've been more sincere if he had blamed it on the Henny, Goose or just said that the 'tron had him in a zone.

The devil is an easy scapegoat and it absolves the humans in this story of any responsibility. I wonder if the Bishop* considered that maybe this is the Lord's doing. God has a way of shining light in dark places and allowing people to be exposed so that they might do better or get help.

Hubris is arrogance in the face of the Gods. It starts out with a person rationalizing that his personal feelings are really messages from God. It distorts your perception, making you think that those thousands of people every Sunday are coming to see you and what you think or have to say and not to hear what God has to say. It makes your vision blurry, causing you to use extra large font for your name on the church sign. Hubris is a tape worm of the psyche. It feeds on everything and leaves you still hungry for more.

Hubris is the opposite of humility.

I hope that Mr. Long uses this scandal as a true 'come to Jesus' moment. I hope that he takes some time off, to reflect on how he can be a more humble man and megaphone for God.

...and I hope those boys win their case, get help from a therapist and are able to forgive Eddie in the Long run.

Holla

*Since when did Pastors become Bishops? Isn't a Bishop over a group of churches and a Pastor leads one. Or do mega churches count as multiple single churches? Not being funny, I don't get it.

Rachel No

2010-09-22T18:08:00.001-07:00

So, one of the reality shows that I have been sucked into is the Rachel Zoe project. I was drawn in because of the fabulous clothes. Let's face it her showroom is the closet of my dreams.

This season, I can barely stomach her though. In the beginning I thought her self deprecation and push and pull relationship with Rodger was interesting. Now, that self deprecation is more clearly categorized as self esteem issues. Sure, it must be ego blowing to be around all of these people that the magazines say are the most beautiful this or that, but Rachel basically fawns all over every tall, skinny mini that she comes in contact with. Its weird. I know they call it Hollyweird for a reason, but watching this show is like seeing broadcasts from Bizarro world.

I won't even mention the sadness that is her boney frame. You NEVER see her eating. There is lots of coffee but, Brad (her assistant) needs to get her a sandwich STAT!

In the most recent episode, she and her husband get into it because he wants to start a family and she keeps coming up with excuses for not getting it crackin'. If he stays with her past this year, I would be surprised.

Frankly, she'd probably be fine with him leaving, that way she could spend more time with her Chanel blazers without being under the gaze of his judgmental eye.

Holla

Apologies - I'm Back Now

2010-09-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

Friends and Strangers - I hope you are all well.

It's been such a long time. I'm sorry to have just fallen off like that. But, I think now, my life is at a stage where I can pick this back up.

I was feeling like I didn't have anything new to say, same old experiences, same old BS.

Here's the update...

Social Life -

That guy that fell in love with me..."Whatever dude" was my unspoken reply. He was so full of shizzle. We had great chemistry. Could talk and bug out about anything. But, then my scorpio sense kicked in and I started picking up little inconsistencies between what he said and what he did. I set out to find out what he was lying about. Eventually, I did and I dropped him. Lesson = Just because someone is grown, doesn't mean he's mature.

He's still saying that he loves me. But, I honestly don't think he knows what that means. That's done-zo. I'm dating new folks.

Work

Still at that big consulting firm, although not for much longer. Over the past 18 months, I've experienced a level of hate and -ism (race or sex - its hard to tell) that has been crushing my spirit. I can't believe I stayed in it for soo long. I'm sure I started believing some of the crap I was being fed. But, something happened recently that just shook me to my core and then what I needed to do became crystal clear. I'm making plans to move on. "Give us FREE!"

Life

I'm going to be making a 180 next year. By the end of next year, I'm going to be doing something COMPLETELY different for a living, living somewhere else and probably loving someone new. I'm very excited about the changes and I'll keep you all posted as each development occurs.
This month I've begun to lay the groundwork and it is very exciting.

I look forward to bringing along my old friends and maybe picking up some new ones along the way.

Holla

PB

True Hip Hop Stories

2009-02-23T10:17:00.001-08:00

Not sure if you're up on it or not, but D-Nice has a series on his website called True Hip Hop Stories (He also has a youtube channel - D-Nice TV)

In each episode he interviews a rapper from the 'golden era' or one that doesn't get much main stream shine.

I enjoy it and check back frequently for new episodes.

Thought you might be interested.

Holla

http://blog.d-nice.com/

or

http://www.youtube.com/dnicetv

Life Update

2009-01-23T09:42:00.001-08:00

Sorry that I've been MIA lately. Life has been happening to me I guess.

One of my BFFs, the one that had the Coming to America wedding in 07 is preggers. I'm soo excited and happy for her. I sure hope they have a girl. But, that would mean that I have to be in charge of the outfits and haircare. I love you girl, but I can't have my lil niece walking around looking crazy.

Speaking of love, he fell into it...neck deep...quicksand...gurgle gurgle. Its funny because I've known how he feels for months, its been all over his face. He's been oblivious though, so this has caught him by surprise. How do your own feelings catch you by surprise? I'll never understand that.

He's not taking it so well, (again, this is his own admission that he's uncomfortable with LOL)Something about being out of control. Wasn't in his plans. Clearly, homeboy has issues to work through regarding this latest 'discovery'. I'm just laughing on the inside though. Men can be soo funny when they get to this point...the denial...the fighting back...

In a few weeks, he will be acting like this was in his plans all along. Revisionist history at its finest. Gotta love it.

Holla

Happy New Year!

2009-01-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

I hope this new year finds you in a better place and hopeful about things to come. I began the new year in the Dominican Republic. This time I was in Puerto Plata. The weather was great most of the time. I prefer the other side of the country though...Punta Cana. The beaches are better and the hotel management seemed more accomodating.

While floating in the ocean, I reflected on the ups and downs of 08's relationships and friendships. And honestly, I've become quite disappointed with how things have turned out.

So, today, I decided that I am going to stop being so damned understanding when people let me down. I will be angry and then move on. Hurt feelings don't get you anywhere. If that can be considered a resolution, then that is mine for 09.

Holla

The Wanderers

2008-12-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

I took one of those DNA tests to determine your maternal ancestral lineage and mine mapped to a group called The Wanderers or Haplogroup X.

This particular group came from northern and eastern Africa, west Eurasia, the Middle East, Europe and a group of indiginous people of North America.

I have been spending all day trying to find information on the net to further expound on this discovery. (No real work got done today between this and stalking oprah.com for DC show tickets. oh well)

Its funny because in my travels I've instinctually identified with certain groups of people. You know that feeling when you go somewhere and you think everyone looks like they're related to you? Then there were the times when people from Kenya and Tanzania asked me how long I've been in this country and if I had been back 'home' lately. Or the Eritrean parking attendant that every day told me that I should meet her Somalian friend because we looked so much alike. Then, when I participated in my Nigerian friend's wedding, I claimed her countrymen as 'my people'. LOL It seemed that everywhere I went I collected some African relatives.

Each time it felt nice to have people from these different African countries see me and recognize something about me that seemed familiar to them...and vice versa. So, today, I feel like a small piece of my puzzle has been illuminated.

I'm going to claim the northern and eastern African parts of my haplogroup, since the other Wanderers had to be descendents of them right?

Now, I've got to figure out how to get a paternal DNA sample so that it can be tested. With that done, I should be able to identify the percentages of each haplogroup that came together to create me.

I'll check back in with any updates over the next few months. This geneology stuff can be addictive.

Holla

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone that reads this blog has a great and safe holiday.

I am thankful for 808s & Heartbreak right now. Love Lockdown is on repeat, and I can't help but get hyped about going out tonight and kicking it with my friends and family.

I have alot of other things to be thankful for. The big G has really been looking out for me and my family this year.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Don't eat too much!

So How Do You Feel?

2008-11-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

At around 11pm, when I first heard the numbers, my mouth just fell open. I had been expecting a very close race, so, imagine my surprise when Obama was doing laps on McCain. I felt victorious.

Then, I was frozen. I just sat there, in silence and stared at the screen. I felt amazed.

Then, my mom called me. She was crying. 'He did it Penni' she said. 'He did it! I'm just so happy.' I felt happy too.

Then, my eyes got a little misted. I felt overwhelmed.

Then, I saw my sorors and some other college kids at the AUC in Atlanta. Purple hats were bobbing through the crowd and gold boots were electrified.
I felt excited.

Then, I saw Jesse with tears streaming down his face. I felt grateful to him. Because even though it took him a while to come around to the new way of thinking about race and politics, he did put in a lot of work for my community and I can't discount that.

Then, I saw him and his family walk out on stage. I felt so proud. I couldn't stop noticing the number of times he and Michelle touched. They touch each other alot. It's odd to notice that. I think I notice it because it's in direct contrast with every other politician I've ever seen. Even Biden didn't touch his wife as much or in the way that Michelle and Barack touched. I mean at some points it seemed like he was letting her know that he was going to give it to her POTUS style later...and she replied with a flirty smile.

Then, I felt embarrassed. Because I caught myself thinking that they probably have quality sex often. I guarantee that this point will be brought up in the coming months in the media. It's so obvious that these two people genuinely like each other and are not just having a partnership to get the job done.

Then, I was back to feeling proud. His speech was well written and delivered. He set out to manage the expectations of the electorate, which I thought was a smart move. Let folks know up front that change doesn't happen overnight and this is just the first step.

So, that's how I felt.

How did/do you feel?

Holla

Here's How We Did It

2008-11-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

Just in case you're not on the Barak Obama for President mailing list, here's what he emailed out last night before his historic speech in Grant Park...

Penni --

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

******

Holla

President Obama!

2008-11-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

He did it...

OUR BOY DID IT!!!

OH MY GOD! I AM ON THE PHONE WITH MY GRANDMA NOW. SHE SAID SHE NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY.

she wishes that her mother, Parren Mitchell and Shirley Chisolm were alive now to see this historic event. (i know, what a medley of people - but that's my grandma)

i don't know what else to say, except...For the first time in my life, I can say that I am proud to be an American!

Holla Back!

333 to 156 WHAT WHAT???

Exhaling

2008-11-04T10:09:00.001-08:00

So, now that I've voted, I can finally exhale.

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhh

That felt so good.

For me exhaling also means trying to figure out what I'm going to do for my birthday next week, listening to my newest music purchases, catching up on my TV programs and basically falling back into my regular life.

I've been tracking the last minute deals for a trip next weekend. The jury is still out on whether or not I'll find something appealing. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I am listening to John Legend's Evolver and I love it! I know that I have a slight John Legend bias, but aside from that, I think this CD is pretty good from start to finish. I like it more than the last one and as much as the first. I wasn't expecting much, so maybe I was easy to please.

Although the best sneak hot CD this year was Ashanti's. That playlist got me through many miles of jogging this summer. If you haven't gotten it yet, you should. This is the CD that Kelly Rowland should've put out. But hey, Kelly is the bomb in the UK. I guess you have to plant seeds in nurturing soil and the UK is definately that for her. If Ashanti had worked on her dancing and stage presence, she would've been tough to beat this year.

Now that I have DVR, my whole TV watching life has changed. I don't plant myself on the couch at predetermined times anymore. I've been recording and saving The Game. I am loving this season. Girl Melanie is acting her @ss off lately. I might've been a fan of Sister/Sister if she was that good then. I wonder what's going to happen with Malik and Robin. I love that they are showing an athlete in an atypical relationship.

The other show that I've been getting into is True Blood. I won't spoil this week's episode for anyone that hasn't seen it, but, woah! I want to rent that movie She Moves because Tara is my new TV BFF. She's so honest and loyal and damaged and vulnerable all at the same time. I wish she'd get more roles. And on HDTV you can tell that her skin is absolutely FLAWLESS unfortunately Sookie's looks like grits.

I've been disappointed with Heroes, Dexter and Entourage this season. I can't wait until Tell Me You Love Me and The Tudors comes back.

I've only taken a couple of days off of my workout regimen. So far I feel tighter and I think I'm a third of the way to my goal, pounds and inches wise. It is soo much harder to get in shape when you're a bonafide grown up. I can't wait until I cross this particular finish line.

Well, that's all for now.

Holla

I Knew We'd Get Here

2008-11-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

This has been the longest, most stressful election campaign I can remember. I'm soo glad it's finally over. I have been consumed by all of the faux rhetoric surrounding my candidate and bowled over by the bright people I know that have fallen for it at some point during the last year and a half.

I'll admit, I do have an advantage. I have been exposed to the concealed, sometimes unaware racism that the Obama campaign has brought out in mainstream America.

I have been labeled 'inexperienced' for jobs that I could do, and have done, in my sleep.

I have been called for 3 in person interviews for one job to 'prove myself' to the hiring manager.

I have been questioned and challenged on jobs, in a way that my white friends have never experienced.

I have been 'friends' with white people and then get the side eye when something untoward goes down at work. After having lunch together every day, when something is stolen, why are they looking at me like, 'I thought she was different, but how well do I really know her?'

So, when Obama was hit with all of these same tactics. I saw that it was a diversion. I knew that the issue was his blackness or self identified blackness that was unsettling to the mainstream. He didn't fit into the easily identifable categories of black success. He wasn't a star athlete, he couldn't sing or dance and he was actually kind of nerdy. "What kind of black man is this?" they thought. So, they set out to test him. Some of you fell for the okie doke in the beginning and decided to back Hillary early on.

I remember getting into debates with people that thought she was more 'experienced' by virtue of sleeping with a two-term president. Some people actually reasoned that if she were in office, it would be like Bill having a third term. They didn't believe me when I said that she is nothing like her husband. I liked Bill, but never subscribed to that 'First Black President' bullshit. Straight insult.

Then Iowa happened, and folks were jumping on the Obama Express. I wasn't mad at them. It just takes some people longer to see what's been staring them in the face all along. LOL

Now, after almost two years of campaigning, I'm seeing articles about how biased the press is, favoring Obama at every turn. Mainstream America has an acute case of victim-itis. I don't remember a time in my life when I've seen so many prominent, affluent white people considering themselves victims. I mean really. I'm amazed. I've read more articles and seen more television personalities *cough* Hasselbeck *cough* that are crying about fairness than I ever have in my life.

I'm just glad that today is the grand finale. I just spent a total of 10 minutes casting my vote for Obama. I knew he'd get to this point and I hope he wins.

But, even if he doesn't, the way he's run his campaign has changed the landscape forever. And I'm proud of that.

Holla

What Do You Want?

2008-10-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

And what are you willing to give up to get it?

Those two questions have been popping up alot lately in my life and in conversations with my friends.

Intellectually, most of us get the fact that sacrifice is necessary for achievement. But, most of us don't practice it. This concept applies to every single facet of life too.

Me? I want to get more toned up and lose about 10 pounds. This desk job, stress and long hours have taken a toll on my body. Intellectually, I know that I have to schedule my workouts into my day, no matter how burned out I am.

However, on a typical work day, I'm unwilling to give up my 3 snooze bar presses each morning. I've tried to make excuses and rationalize why I 'NEED' that extra hour in the morning. But, when I had to buy new jeans in a size 6, instead of a 4, and the 6 was TIGHT, I had an epiphany.

Would I rather sleep or be tight? I hear people saying

'I can sleep when I'm dead.'

My mantra is going to be 'I can sleep all I want when I'm tight again!'

Last night I was talking to one of my girls and the questions popped in my head again.

Her boyfriend of several years is taking her for granted and she's unhappy. I don't think the guy is a bad dude. I just don't think she's told him what she wants.

I know she wants to see him regularly, meet his peeps, have a consistent and comfortable rapport with the dude. But, I also know that's she's never told him any of this, let alone voice her wants out loud to herself.

I asked her, "How can you get what you want, if you don't even express it?" And the follow up, "What are you willing to give up, to get what you want?"

I just think a guy has to know that what you want is so important to you that you will let him go if he can't meet your expectations. Guys are really good at setting their expectations, we need to take a page from their book here.

Another friend of mine owns a company that regularly hires security guards and cleaning crews for different sites. He has so many stories each week about his employees that either don't show up for work, or get there and do a crappy job. These are the same people that practically begged him for a job and pulled the 'Help a brotha out' card to get my friend to consider employing them. So, he's always astounded when they just 'fall off'. It seems like these folks want a job, but, are not willing to get there on time and make any sacrifices to keep it.

I understand the excuses and the denial we get all wrapped up in, when achieving our goal seems just a little bit more involved than we expected. But, I'm going to snap myself out of it.

I'm tired of hearing myself complain about squeezing into those tight @ss jeans and I've invested waaay too much in my winter boot collection to have the zippers not make it up over my calves. (What's the deal with the calf size being related to the shoe size anyway? Just because I wear a 6.5 my calf has to be smaller than 12 inches?) I'm just done!

And now that I've posted about it, I'll really feel accountable. I hope you ask yourself those two questions whenever you hear yourself taking a tour of Whine Country.

LMAO - Ok, I'm near Napa, I had to get in one corny wine joke.

Holla

On Travel

2008-10-14T12:53:00.000-07:00

I'm out on the left coast this week, well not really the coast...I'm in Sacramento or Sac to those in the know. I thought it would be alot easier to find pescetarian food options out here and that has not been the case. I'm bummed and hungry!

There's nothing like a long flight to come up with some good posts. I'll try to get at least one up while I'm out here. Otherwise, see ya next week!

Holla

You Look So Familiar

2008-10-06T10:12:00.003-07:00

So, last week, I told you about this woman in my training class that thought I looked so familiar to her. I asked her who I reminded her of. Now, I'm thinking,

"this chick knows she doesn't have any black friends, who is she kidding?"

She says maybe its an actress or someone she's seen on TV.
(Told y'all she didn't know any black people personally.)

Then, the next day, she said, "I know who it is, one of those kids from the Cosby Show!"

Immediately, I say, "Vanessa?"

"YES!"

I knew it HAD to be Vanessa because Denise is too light and too 'alternative' to be me and Rudy was just a little kid.

"So, I remind you of a bratty middle child?"

uneasy chuckle..."No! Maybe its your hair."

"Really? I've been wearing my hair in a bun all week. I don't remember Vanessa wearing her hair like that."

Now, she's starting to get that look on her face like, 'Damn! How do I get out of this?'

"Right." she says, "Maybe its your voice." I just chuckle and nod. "Yeah! I'm sure that's what it is. I've heard that before."

And I'm not lying. If I had a dollar for everytime some white person thought of the Cosby show when they looked at me, I'd be rich.

If you're not picking up on the association, let me break it down for you.

The Cosby show represents the rare 'special black' for white people. If you are 'articulate' and 'well dressed' you probably remind some white person of one of the Cosby kids. Especially those whites that don't know any black people personally. That show was their glimpse into the world of the 'uppity' black person. Now that I think of it, part of Barack's appeal probably comes from the fact that he could've been cast on that show, maybe as one of Theo's friends.

So, never mind the fact that I look NOTHING like Vanessa Huxtable. I am doomed to forever be compared to her. I remember when Sex and the City came out, there were these t-shirts that read, 'I'm a Carrie' or 'I'm a Charlotte'. I bet if I got a t-shirt that said, 'I'm a Vanessa' and walked through Reston Town Center, I would get at least 5 -10 white people that would get it, half of which would have the ballz to actually approach me and express agreement...that yeah, I do 'look like Vanessa' even though the shirt would not have the words, Huxtable or Cosby Show written anywhere on it.

That's just what it is...

Classic Cosby Clip

Holla

My Latest Encounter With Becky

2008-10-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

All week I have been in a training class for my new role at work. There are about 10 people in the class but we’re from all over the country and Mexico. Tonight the director took us to dinner at Morton’s. The food is good and the wine is flowing, then she says, “I have got a story about a time when my life was in danger.” We all turn towards her with our ears perked up.

You see we had just finished listening to Paulo tell us about the two times he had been kidnapped in Mexico. Then my boss asked if anyone else had been in such a life threatening situation. Cue Becky.

“I woke up one night with a black man in my bedroom!”
Instantly, I made eye contact with the other black person in the group.
‘Get ready for some bullshit!’ is what my eyes said to her.
She nodded back in affirmation.
I said, “So your boyfriend surprised you?”

“No!” She said with a dismissive chuckle.

The she proceeds to tell us how when she was in undergrad at some university in Akron someone, correction, ‘A Big BLACK man’ broke into the house she shared with some other little Hasselbeckites and tried to rob them.

Now, let’s break this down.

Becky was very specific about what was scary about this man. His BLACKNESS.
Now, let me describe her to you. She’s blonde and about the size of Serena Williams sans ass and with that Olga-ish square body type that some Becky’s have. The point is, this is no delicate flower. But, because she is white, she believes two things:

1. That every man wants her body.
2. That she deserves to be protected at all
times.

The robber never touched her and when he realized that she might not be sound asleep, he left the house without stealing anything. The police showed up lickety split, comforted her and her housemates and even CAUGHT the guy shortly thereafter.

When the airbags were stolen from my car last year, while it was parked in front of my house, I was told to just call my insurance company and chalk up the costs as a hazard of living in the DC Metro area. Nobody hugged me, or commiserated with me about the thousands of dollars I’d have to spend to get a new car. But, maybe, that was because my life wasn’t in danger.

When my mom was carjacked at GUNPOINT a few years ago, the police asked my then 50-something year old mother if she could’ve known who would do that. You see, because my mom is black, surely she knows carjackers and maybe this time she just got caught out there.

‘It’s probably your own fault black lady’, is the message she received right off the bat.

Meanwhile my mom is shaking, crying and for a long time afraid of going outside at night. The only person that protected her was her husband, a black man. Nobody else really cared. And, if it wasn’t for the fact that they stayed on the detective’s ass, they probably never would’ve arrested the guys that terrorized her.

Getting back to the dinner, Becky Big Bones wrapped up her story and everyone else at the table just oohed and ahhhed over her triumph over such a ‘scary’ situation. Don’t get me wrong, I would be scared too.

But, it would’ve been different for me. I’m more scared of white people. I live in a predominantly white area and I worry about some psycho MFer kidnapping me and enslaving me in a well in a field way out in Leesburg. And the worst part of it would be that nobody but my family would realize that foul play had occurred. I’ve taken to clutching my purse when white people get on the elevator with me or when I’m walking to the parking lot at night and see one of them jogging by. That freaks them out and I must admit to a enjoying that a bit.

I remember after my mom’s carjacking, I took off some days from work to help her get her papers in order, new license, calling credit card companies, just consoling her. But, when I got back to work and told them what happened, I didn’t get the oohs and ahhhs.

I got the racist side eye.

People asked me if we knew who did it. They said things like, ‘Oh yeah, I’ve heard there are certain areas in Baltimore that you shouldn’t go to at night.’

My parents live on a quiet tree lined street in a detached single family home with a front and backyard on the northern city limits. She doesn’t live in the hood. I was just really pissed.

I guess my whole point in sharing this story is two-fold.

1. I know I’m not the only one that works in an environment where there are less than a handful of blacks/minorities. What do you do when these kinds of ‘stories’ are brought up?

2. If you don’t work around only white people, you need to know what and how they think. Do I think this Becky was a malicious racist? No, not really. But, I do think that she is blessed with white female priveledge and entitlement. Her type is scary to me because her blissful ignorance to these inherent racist ideals almost never go unchallenged.

I didn’t jump in her shit at the dinner table because, my message wouldn’t have been well received AND I would’ve been seen as the problem. Not her. Especially if she burst out in tears like the real Hasselbeck is prone to do when exposed. In addition, I’ve been jumping in her shit, in a very professional/non emotional way, all week because as you probably realize, these types of comments don't just come out at dinner.

Oh and get this, she said to me at dinner. ‘You look so familiar to me. I think there is an actress that you remind me of but I can’t think of her name and it’s been bugging me all week.’

*cough* Yeah, cuz we all look alike *cough*

Holla

Why Didn't He Speak Up Before the Spins?

2008-09-19T05:28:00.001-07:00

* Note * A video from Livesteez of Funkmaster Flex was here but I couldn't figure out how to turn the sound off, so I got rid of it. Go to Livesteez for the footage.

Back in the day, when I first found out about 'the tape' I decided to boycott R. Kelly. I was disgusted by his behavior and offended that so many of the DJs on urban radio (Mostly Men) did not publicly speak out, not only against R., but in DEFENSE of the young black woman that was exploited. There were all kinds of excuses, 'girls these days are fast.' 'she probably went after him.' 'these young girls are after that paper, so let her get pissed on.'

Now, your boy has been exonerated, found not guilty, totally innocent of all charges. I'm not surprised. After all, it was a young black girl in the video. If she was of ANY other race, R. would've been on the inside of a jail cell years ago. I'm not surprised that the majority of the black men in the hip hop community, at least the ones with the air time and the big voices, kept trying to give R. the benefit of the doubt. But, I'm saddened by it.

Funkmaster Flex, has come out with an open letter of sorts for your boy R. In the video he admits some culpability in the whole situation. There is no excuse for the fact that over the last 6 or 7 years since the charges were first filed, that R. has been 'allowed' to run urban radio airwaves with his music. Yes, he's talented. That is not being debated here.

But, my question to black men is this...if someone comes into YOUR house and violates your wife, sister or daughter, are you going to tell your her that she should just get over it, because the dude is so talented and rich. Maybe she should feel lucky?

And if your wife, sister or daughter is being or has been violated by some perv, but he's smooth and wiley, so she doesn't realize she's being played...are you going to continue to stand by and let it happen?

I think if R. was white, black men would've been all up in arms that some 'other' was coming into THEIR house stealing one of THEIR women and then degrading her. (something new) But, when it's one of your own, you look the other way.

Stop doing that please. Even if some women don't realize it, we need you to stand up and have our backs.

GOP She-Veep

2008-09-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

So, all of those rumblings early last week about McCain picking the governor of Alaska as his Veep were on the money. Most people figured that he would have to do something considered 'unusual' to have a good chance at stealing some of Barack's thunder. Picking Sarah Paulin is supposed to attract the disgruntled HRCites. So, how funny was it, just a few days later to find out that the GOP VP nominee's daughter is about to become a baby mama.

Of course Obama took the high road (a road he's well familiar with) and denounced any effort to pull him into some negative BS surrounding the situation. Now, the GOP pundits are crying about how Paulin could not possibly be responsible for the choices that her daughter has made. Paulin is backing up her daughter, saying that she looks forward to becoming a grandmother and that the young woman will be getting married to the sperm donor soon.

Ok, let's get this straight.

They want me to believe that a 17 year old getting pregnant is NOT a reflection of parental influence.

That they couldn't be happier about this development?

I blame Juno, Knocked Up, Gossip Girl and Jamie Lynn Spears for the double standard that is becoming so popular amongst mainstream America. These little white girls are out there being extra fast and the conservative mainstream is eating it up with sprinkles and chocolate sauce.

It burns me up that just a few months ago, there was a hailstorm surrounding Jeremiah Wright's (JW) comments with regard to Barack, America and white people. MSA (mainstream america) argued that Barack was somehow responsible for JW's comments since he had chosen him as a spiritual advisor/leader. I don't know about you, but my mom has a whole lot more influence on my behavior and decision making process than my preacher...especially when I was 17 years old.

Have you ever had an argument with someone that had no evidentiary support for their position so, they threw out one illogical conclusion after the other...then you get so bogged down with trying to follow the faulty logic that you get frustrated, so you basically throw your hands up and say, 'Ok, you're right!'?? Well, that's what the republicans are trying to get us to do, throw up our hands and just let them win. That is soo not happening.

Barack is smart because he knows that the best way to win an unfair fight is to not engage in the first place.

I swear, these people get on my nerves with this kind of BS.

Yes we can!

Holla

It's a Black Thing - You Wouldn't Understand!

2008-08-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

Do y'all remember back in the day, when everyone was rocking shirts with that saying?

Remember when selling out meant trying to appeal to mainstream America and MC Hammer was the poster child for the term?

Remember when we weren't so eager to try to exploit ourselves and our culture to satisfy the junk food appetite of suburban teenagers?

Remember when the most popular rappers of the day dressed like college kids instead of like jailbirds?

Remember when Luke was considered risque, not a chauvinistic albeit harmless older dude?

I know there are some younger people that have only known a life of MTV and constant 'lifestyle' marketing...but occasionally I wonder, have we really 'progressed'?

On the one hand, I am happy that so many young people learned how to own their own dreams and learn how to capitalize off of their efforts. But, in the same vein, what have we given up to achieve the big bank accounts, and is it worth it?

Just a thought for now...

Holla

It's In Their DNA - The Jamaican Olympians

2008-08-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

Why is it that whenever a group, other than caucasians, completely DOMINATE an activity, the mainstream media has to link it to some genetic predisposition???

Today, I read an article in Slate, 'explaining' why Jamaicans run so fast. (Article originally posted on 8/18/08) I looked at the title Jamaican Me Speedy with the side-eye, because I knew nothing good this way was gonna come.

Jamaica is a poor, tiny nation about half the size of New Jersey. What makes its people such champion sprinters?

Uh - could it be that they work their @sses off, eat a healthy diet of mostly non-processed foods and are dedicated to achieving their goal, or in this case their GOLD??

Nah, that couldn't be it, it must be something genetic...because we know black people don't work that hard...especially Jamaicans. They're too busy drinking rum and winding.

Then, the article goes on to talk about some study that was done in the 80s that showed a trait in West African students, that allowed them to run faster. Now, imagine if I said that there is a trait amongst American East Coasters. You would look at me like I'm crazy. In your mind, you'd think, all East Coasters aren't the same. That's ridiculous Penni.

But, for some reason, people act like Africa, the continent is one big homogenous country...except for Northern Africa which sometimes 'passes' for middle eastern. (I've got more to say about that, but I'm trying to be focused here.)

The article does NOT go on to explain why the American black people were left in the Jamaicans' dust. Aren't their ancestors from the same 'West Africa' as the Jamaicans?

Check out the article yourself and sign in to leave a comment over there. Let The Explainer know that his/her article is some racist fragglenackle!

Edited 8/20 - Nadra over at Racialicious wrote about this too. Check it out.

Holla

Penni

p.s. and while we're on the subject, am I the only one that wants a t-shirt with a thunder bolt on it in honor of Usain Bolt??? Dude is like lightening!