Pensieri In Mostra

Baby steps.

2013-04-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

I always feel like my birthday is the start of a new year for me instead of the universal New Year that we all celebrate... and with good reason! I got back with Walmart last month, got new glasses so I can actually SEE what I'm supposed to, and fixing to make a move soon. Life is good. I am, overall, pretty happy now, and I think I can possibly make some changes in medication. My only fear is anxiety and all that...I have like, three different medication prescriptions to keep it all at bay and I still gave in to a pack of smokes (which I only have one-three at the most, and only at work). *sigh* Baby steps.

Strange, Strange World...

2013-02-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

It's a strange world I see... one status is a Daddy's girl wishing her Daddy a happy birthday and many more to come... the one after that, is a daughter commenting how beautiful her step-dad's funeral was and is now driving to the cemetery for the burial... and I think of my own... it kinda feels like a lot of my family is dead to me anyways.

Freewriting.

2013-02-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start freewriting on my blog instead of the occasional banter about my miserable life and maybe, just maybe, I can be... not so miserable. So the next post to come will have a topic. I need to either seek this topic or have suggestions on the topic. I don't know who reads my blog, probably no one other than the few that I've given the link to, despite my insights telling me my blog has a total of 516 page views as of now. Maybe I can get a job writing someday. I like writing. Kind of. I like teaching more but I hate the idea of having to go through all the schooling for it. Ew. Anyway, words words and more words to come. Cheers.

Mirror, Mirror...

2013-01-22T22:38:00.001-08:00

I honestly don't like myself lately. I try to accommodate for other people for the wrong reasons. I end up hurting people for my own selfish ones. I lose people because of my actions. My words. My dreams are all about post apocalypse. Apocalypse is about seeing a personal problem in ones self so post is getting past that, perhaps? I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I hate it here.

Where are you now?

2012-12-05T06:54:00.002-08:00

http://www.news8000.com/news/Homeless-man-found-dead-near-downtown-La-Crosse/-/326/17654600/-/7b9oug/-/index.html

As I came across this news article today, I'd been thinking for the last month or two about researching for a better opportunity for the homeless and diseased individuals who need help. A lot of them turn to the Salvation Army, who openly discriminates against homosexual individuals and people that have addictions. These are the two types of people that need the most help, in my opinion. A lot of the LGBT community start out as homeless teenagers that have been shunned and turned away from home and family because of lack of understanding. I've already decided that I'm going to school to be a psychiatrist specifically for teenagers that have issues at home. Adolescents that have trouble identifying themselves. I want to be able to help them. Turn them in the right directions. Encourage them not to give up.
The same goes for those who suffer addictions. Alcoholism, drugs, etc.; even smoking, if they want help quitting. I want to help them see that there really is good in this world still. And I want them to be a part of it. I want them to become educated and happy and live a prosperous life. Stand up to the oppressors and be proud of the strong individual that you've become. We are all alone, therefore, we are all together.
Come to me, I will feed you. If you are cold, I will wrap my arms around you and share my warmth. If you smell, I will give you some soap and show you the warm showers. :)
I've started to learn simple herbal medicine that helps those who are poor and it's really easy to treat things like an earache from being out in the cold too long or a fever that just needs to be medicated and nourished properly. Don't have medical coverage? I'm going to raise money to pay for that stupid hospital bill, just try not to over do it, because money is unfortunately an object and we have your brothers and sisters to take care of too. You're all my children. You're all God's children. He may seem silent, but he speaks through all of us on occasion. You just need to listen.

One Love.

Three Years.

2012-10-20T23:40:00.006-07:00

Missing my big brother a lot lately. I remember, if I had a problem, I could talk to him about anything and he always made sense when giving advice. I just kinda wonder what he'd think about everything I've been through for the last three years. I've become a more mature person in general and have a bigger outlook on life thanks to him. Thanks, Corey. I love you, Bub.

Pumpkin Pie Milkshakes

2012-10-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ingredients & Measurements:

2 cups Vanilla Ice Cream

1/2 cup Milk
1/4 cup Cream or Half & Half
1 Tbsp Vanilla Extract
2/3 Pureed Pumpkin
1/2 Tbsp Pumpkin Pie Spice
1/3 Cup Graham Cracker Crumbs
2-3 oz. Bourbon
Frosting & Sprinkles

Instructions:

Add all ingredients to a blender until mixed well.
Rim glasses with a very light coating of frosting
and dip in sprinkles. Pour the
shake into the cup and sprinkle
cinnamon on top. Top with
whipped cream if you want & enjoy!

Life, You Suck.

2012-09-24T00:06:00.002-07:00

I really hate being made to feel guilty. I hate when someone thinks I'm making up excuses when I'm not trying to... I just suck. Okay? Life sucks. I suck. Deal with it. I don't get out enough to spend time with my friends. I wish I lived in town. I want my friends to be able to come visit me whenever they want to and vice versa. I just need a little bit of money. A nice weekend job should do it. I can handle that, right? Right? I hope so. I really want to move so that I actually have that excuse that I am too far away or whatever. Ugh. At the same time, I don't want to be far away. It's all really... frustrating, really. I give up thinking for now.

Weekend in Wausau

2012-09-13T23:49:00.001-07:00

Well, Thursday morning came and I still hadn't fallen asleep, I was too excited about the weekend on the motorcycles. I get a "friend request" from my Mother; apparently she had to make a new account for telling someone to fuck off on her status. The conversation went as follows:

Me- I'm curious so... why?
Her- Wasnt trying to add you stupid android touch phone. Tried to block you to give you yer seperateness. Obviously I suck at this new phone. So if you could/would reblock me
Me- Gladly.

My first thought after reading her message was, "seperateness"? What the fuck happened to your vocabulary? That isn't even a goddamned word! And then, THANK GOD, she didn't want to talk to me again. I almost had to give a fuck. *sigh* I don't think her and I will ever connect again. Oh, well. Oh, and I also was kind of mad because I wasted a panic pill on that false alarm. Better safe than sorry though, right?

Anyways, I never went to bed, so there was no "I woke up to an awesome breakfast". No, I went up to pee at about 7am and SMELLED amazing breakfast. Eggs... skillet style. Nom.

Got on the motorcycle, all clad in leather... and freezing my ass off about half way to Tomah. Not Tomahawk. TOMAH. Less than a fucking hour away on the interstate and I was huddled behind Nathan in a turtle position, shivering. My ass hurt. Half way on the stretch between Tomah and Nekoosa, I tapped his shoulder and signed the letters C-O-L-D. He got the message. It started to warm up a little near Wisconsin Rapids, though. I miss that place. I can't wait until our trip back when Nathan and I will stay behind and spend the rest of the day there. And then, I said "sweet Jesus" as we pulled into a Kwik Trip. I grabbed my happy ass a double mocha and got in the car with Mary for the rest of the trip.

Now that was where the trip got better with three words. Heated. Leather. Seats. All I needed after that was a freaking lap blankie and I was good to go. I took some pictures of our group of bikers ahead of us. Pretty nice shots. Evan is on his Honda Goldwing up front, Nathan on his Suzuki Blvd, and friends of Evan and Mary's on the Harley-Davidson in the back. Another friend with the same exact trike showed up alone. I hope to muster enough courage to as him for a ride.

After that, we went to the Harley-Davidson Shop in Wausau, saw loads of bikes and stuff and hopefully I will get something this weekend. Nathan loves me. More to come later!

Forgiveness Re-Examined

2012-08-27T09:27:00.001-07:00

I've always liked this story and feel like I'm going to give forgiveness one more try. But first, the story, then my thoughts.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

Now, to my thoughts. I try to put a time goal on trying to forgive my Mom and her family for what they all did. Most of me knows it's a much better idea to say fuck them all and move on. I'm making my own family. WITHOUT THEM. But there's that part of me that is sickeningly kindhearted and needs to keep the peace. I want to forgive them, but if I ever associate with them again, I will develop an irrational fear of being touched. So, am I willing to give up my sanity that I try so hard to keep as it is, just to keep the peace with people who don't see the world as I do, as a whole, that there is more to all of this than their greedy selves? Probably not. I think I'm done this time. I'm pretty sure it's over. Will I attend funerals? Yes. Will I cry? I don't know, actually. They feel dead to me as it is, I don't think it'll be much more than a little shock... if I cried, it'd be happy tears of final release. I don't like any of them right now. Cherryl and Carl always side with my mother and suffer if they don't. Same goes for my Grandparents. Might as well be the same for my Aunt Litza but they're kind of the same. Debra... failed faster than I did with starting college because she didn't listen to me. At all. Jennifer is still the little whore that she always will be. Deanna is a confused and sexual person that is in love with her homophobic best friend. The only three that I'm not sure of are Todd, Nathaniel and Cynthia. They're the only ones who keep silence. It's strange. And sad. I hope the best for them, but I doubt Cynthia will be much different from the rest of her family, sad as it sounds. Hopefully Nathaniel is losing more weight and becoming healthier and more productive. I hope Todd is smarter about his after high school plans and leaves far away to make his own life. I hope to run into him again on a bittersweet note. I hope all of the adults die soon from their drug, alcohol and depression problems. They're better off and the world is better off without filth like them. Will I ever forgive them for their shunning? I don't fucking think so.

Nails, claws, fashion.

2012-08-25T10:25:00.001-07:00

"You put water in a bowl and drop random colors of nailpolish in it. then you stir it with a toothpick and put petroleum jelly on your fingers, so that the nail polish only gets on your nails. then you stick your fingers in the bowl."

"Definitely something worth trying for a sophisticated look without going all Goth."

"A very pretty finish for a bride's nails or just a good look with your pearls and diamonds."

"Totally buying some of these for an easy wait to get that french manicure for the price of your favorite bottle of polish."

"I've always wanted this fade-transition for my nails. Now I know the dirty little secret."

Whiskey Caramel Marshmallow Bacon Bark

2012-08-19T01:28:00.004-07:00

16 oz of semi-sweet chocolate
4 cups of mini marshmallows
1/4 cup whiskey

1 cup caramel (recipe follows)
8-10 slices spiced bacon crumble (recipe follows)

1) Place chocolate in a bain marie or in a heat-proof bowl above simmering water. Heat on low until chocolate is melted. Pour half of melted chocolate into parchement-lined pan. Then using an offset spatula, spread chocolate until smooth. Transfer pan to freezer to chill for about 5 minutes or until melted chocolate becomes solid.

2) Place marshmallows in a large saucepan and heat until marshmallows starts to just melt and forms web-like strands when stirred. (See picture). Remove from heat and add in 5 tablespoons of whiskey; stir to combine. Spread marshmallow mixture over solid chocolate layer. (To easily spread the marshmallow to an even layer, spray offset spatula with non-stick spray.)

3) Pour caramel on top of marshmallow layer. Then, using an offset spatula, spread caramel until smooth. Transfer pan to freezer to chill for about 5 minutes or until caramel becomes slightly hardened. Pour remaining half of chocolate over caramel layer and, using an offset spatula, spread chocolate until smooth. Sprinkle and gently press bacon crumble into chocolate, Return fully assembled bark to refrigerator to chill for 20 minutes or until bark becomes solid. Bring bark to almost room temperature before cutting.

BACON CRUMBLE:
8-10 slices bacon
1/4 cup sugar
4 tablespoon water
1 egg white
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne

1) Cook bacon and set aside to cool completely. Once cooled, coarsely crumble bacon with hand; set aside and heat oven to 300 degrees F.

2) Place sugar and water in a pot and heat until sugar is dissolved. Toss crumbled bacon in sugar syrup to coat. Pass coated bacon through a strainer to drain excess sugar syrup.

3) Add egg white to a bowl and beat until fluffy and foamy. Add in black pepper and cayenne. Whisk to combine. Add in crumbled bacon and toss to coat.

4) Spread coated, crumbled bacon on a parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool, then crumble bacon one last time.

CARAMEL FILLING:
1 cup sugar
4 tablespoons water
4 tablespoon butter
7 tablespoon heavy cream

Add sugar and water into a saucepan over medium low heat. Stir until sugar has dissolved. Use a wet brush to remove any crystals that form on the side. Once sugar has dissolved increase heat to high. Now and then, using the handle, give the pot a swirl to keep the mixture moving. Do not stir the mixture directly. The mixture will start to bubble after a minute. As the mixture darkens to a medium amber color, approximately 5-7 minutes, add the butter and heavy cream to saucepan. The mixture will bubble wildly. Whisk to combine (bubbles will subside upon cooling). Set aside to cool completely.

Makes 1 8×8 pan | Preparation: Line pan with parchment or wax paper with a one-inch overhang on each side.

Autumn Brittle

2012-08-19T01:25:00.002-07:00

1 cup almonds
1 cup cashews
3/4 cup pumpkin seeds

2/3 cup dried cranberries
2 1/4 cups sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup honey
1 cup water
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. butter

1) Heat the sugars, honey, water and salt in a large pot over a low-medium flame. Use a pot that is larger than you would think necessary because when the mixture begins to boil it will foam up and increase in size. Stir every five minutes or so. Using a candy thermometer, continue to heat the mixture until it reaches a temperature of exactly 302 degrees Fahrenheit. This is very important because this is the temperature at which sugar hardens into a rock-like state after it cools. Pay close attention not to go very far above 302, otherwise you will burn the sugar. It can take up to an hour for the mixture to reach that high of a temperature, so don't get too worried if 15 minutes go by and the thermometer is still at 175.

2) While the sugar mixture is boiling, place a sheet of parchment paper on top of a shallow pan, about 9 x 13 inches in width and length, and grease the parchment paper. Set aside. Once the sugar mixture reaches 302, immediately remove it from heat and stir in the butter, cashews, almonds, pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries until they're coated in the mixture.

3) Immediately pour the mixture onto the parchment paper and spread it out into a large rectangle using a rubber spatula. Try to keep the surface relatively even and about 1 inch in height. Place the pan in the refrigerator and allow the brittle to cool for one hour.

4) Once it has finished cooling, remove the sheet of brittle from the parchment paper and break the brittle into pieces using a meat tenderizer or clean hammer. Arrange the pieces on a serving platter and serve. Store excess brittle in a cool dry place.

Country Fried Peach Pies

2012-08-12T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ingredients:
2-¼ cups All-purpose Flour

1 teaspoon Salt
½ cups Lard Or Shortening
½ cups Milk (more Or Less)
1 can Peach Pie Filling (Or Other Fruit), 21 Ounce Can
1 cup Oil, For Frying
1 whole Egg, Beaten With A Splash Of Water

Directions:
To make the crust: Mix together flour and salt with a whisk. Cut in the lard using a pastry cutter until the mixture looks crumbly. Mix in the milk until a ball of dough is formed.

On a floured surface, roll out the dough to 1/8″ thick.

Using a salad bowl or something else about 6 ” in diameter, cut out as many discs of dough as you can.

To make pies: Spoon a large dollop of pie filling into each disc, leaving about an inch of dough all the way around.

Brush the edges with egg wash and fold dough over. Seal the edges with a fork and poke a hole in the middle of the pie so it can vent.

Heat oil in a large skillet. When oil is hot (you’ll know when a drop of water of dough sizzles), fry each pie until both sides are golden brown, about 2-3 minutes per side. Drain on paper towels.

Serve hot, cold, or room temperature and enjoy!

Rainbow Jell-O Cups

2012-08-12T09:51:00.004-07:00

Directions:
You’ll need one small box of jello for each color you want… so in this case, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. And one large tub of cool whip.

Prepare purple (or whatever color you want on the bottom) jello as directed, using the “quick chill” method, meaning add some ice. Pour jello into glasses, (or a 9′x13′ baking dish sprayed lightly with cooking spray), reserving about 1/3 of the liquid jello. Put glasses, or dish in the refrigerator and chill for 15-30 minutes, or until slightly set. Mix about 1/3 cup of cool whip into the remaining purple jello. Pour the jello/cool whip mixture on top of the slightly set purple jello already in the glasses (or dish).

Repeat process for each color.

I’ve seen recipes that use sour cream, or yogurt in place of the cool whip, so feel free to do that if it saves you a trip to the store.

Once set, top with some additional cool whip and sprinkles if desired.

Opera and Sunshine

2012-08-11T16:23:00.001-07:00

I've recently lapsed out of depression a little more by pushing myself out of my "safe zones". I went to watch an opera workshop and it was quite an experience. I've listened before, obviously, but to be there is something different altogether. Two days ago, it was raining but I went for a walk all on my own for the first time in ages. Not only did I just leave, but I just kept walking... for 4.5 miles. crazy. The next day I asked a friend to give me a random workout. I'll try to do this from now on. Yesterday was jumpingjacks. Today is situps. (I'll do more later) and tomorrow is to yet be decided. I feel better being out in public with my friends. People I know. I don't feel alone... I'm alright in the woods on my own apparently. I did fine on that walk until I hit "civilization". Oh god, am I becoming a hermit like my mother? No. No. No. I love company. That makes me different. I love company, hosting get togethers, cooking, so on... I am completely different, thank you very much. I notice that I write my blogs in a sense like I'm talking to myself. It's very interesting. Someday, I can come back and read all this... probably thinking "wow, I was a real basketcase back then". Maybe I still will be. :)

You know what sucks?

2012-07-19T02:38:00.001-07:00

When you want to do something that you usually do and at the same time, you don't want to at all.
You think you're tired, but you know you're not going to fall asleep any time soon.
Remembering the smell of someone that you wish you never had to remember ever again.
You're hungry and can't bring yourself to eat anything.
You want to smile or laugh and it just seems impossible.
To walk out in the sun... but you sleep all day.
Life.
Live it.

Just Close Your Eyes...

2012-07-18T00:53:00.000-07:00

I often think about people getting offended about things and I can't help but wonder why I don't get offended so easily. Of course, it depends on the topic given, but there really are few that I'm touchy with. Even so, they're more personal than say, big level like, homosexuality. When I say "well, that's gay", it's because something sucks. That's how I was raised, I don't really have a quarrel with the idea of someone else saying it. I'm bisexual, but I don't let that define me. Someone does a shitty park job. "must be a woman driver." Hilarious. So are the kitchen jokes. Why? Because I'm not actually a terrible driver, and I suck ass in the kitchen. They don't define me. White jokes. I wish there were more, quite honestly. Even the ones that I relate to are fucking funny. Disabilities... depending how hardcore the joke is... eh. I'm hard of hearing, so all those are good with me. Like I said. Doesn't define me. What makes me? Start talking shit about my friends and family. That should do it. Yep.

Inevitable

2012-07-12T04:28:00.000-07:00

It seems to be a trend in my life where, people leave... I replace them... kind of... not really. Three people that I'm terrified will leave me and one already has. The other two promise they never will... and I only believe one of them. I've never had close friends. I'm not even sure why I don't focus a whole lot on friendships. I just don't. People irritate me too easily unless they're just... I don't know... Maybe, I'm jealous? I know that much. I was jealous when my Mom started dating Gary in the first place. Now look where that is. I'm jealous that my best friend is... well... best friends with someone else now. Soon... she'll have more people to keep her occupied and won't need me much at all.

I think about moving a lot. I want to move again. I want to start over, kind of. I'm looking for that next dead drop that has all of the information I'm looking for in it. Ugh. Yes, this is a piss and moan entry. Do I give a fuck? Um... wait, I see it... there it--nope, it's gone now.

I hate depression.

Even more... I hate being a depressed introvert. Loneliest fucking type of person, take it from me. If I didn't have Nathan, quite honestly, I would either be in a different country like I planned before by now. Only because I don't care for the idea of taking my life. What the hell was the point of me whining on a daily basis, if I'm gonna do that shit?

I just want my life back. I almost had it... almost... I kinda have it... kinda...

Maybe I need to get out more.

I miss my Mommy.

2012-06-09T02:28:00.004-07:00

You know what a big part of healing is? Apologizing and forgiveness. I'm sorry to my Mom for all the pain and trouble I've caused her. And I'm working on forgiving her. That takes time. And even when I get there, I don't think I'll want her in my life anymore anyways. Yes. She may have her faults, but that doesn't mean I haven't any. I know that's a hard thing to accept from most of my loved ones' perspectives. That's because I only talk about the bad times. It's easy to tear apart someone by listing their worst flaws. She was there for me during my first two suicidal attempts. The first was about my Dad. He-- I was upset about him neglecting us. It was upsetting more when I was younger than it is now. Maybe. Maybe I just know how to handle it better now. I wrote something about wanting to end it all. She drove me for an hour all the way where we lived at the time to La Crosse because she didn't know what to do. I've never seen her so scared. She was running red lights at 2am, screaming at other drivers. She gets really crazy when she's angry. The other time was after I moved back with them. I had no will to get up, eat, nothing. I was lifeless. And when I called her before that, she was there as soon as she could. Something tells me she'd do it again. But I don't want to try anymore. That piece of my heart is shattered and crushed. There's no repairing that. When she dies, I'll probably wish I had said something. Wish I had done some things different. Wish she was still there. I can't help it. I love my mom. I really do. It's the most painful thing in the world, losing someone so close. I miss my mommy. It hurts so much. I think what hurts most is that, for once, I know that there is no possibility of me being in the wrong this time. And I wish there was. Because at least, if I was wrong, I can admit it and being around them again. Hug them. Tell them I love them. Hear about their lives. My mom and brother were the top people in my life for the first 20 years of it all. Technically, minus 4 for my brother. All in conclusion, I'm healing. I'm getting there. I cry. I talk. I think. I move on. I don't need them anymore to live. They don't need me.

My Love Life in Sense

2012-06-05T00:01:00.001-07:00

Two things strange I have noticed about love. The senses of touch and scent. Sometimes, when I brush my fingers across his skin, I feel a legit vibrating buzz nothing like I've felt before. It's not like a vibrating phone... or touching an electric fence. It's completely different and unique. And his scent... when it's just him and I cuddle up to him... he smells like pancake and waffle syrup. <3

Lychee Saketini Poptail

2012-05-27T06:48:00.001-07:00

· 1 ½ cup limeade
· ¾ cup sake
· 16oz lychee, peeled and seeded (approximately 20-22 regular size lychees)
· 8 oz honeydew, pureed (approximately ¼ of a regular size honeydew)
· Optional: Raspberries to garnish

1. Place limeade, sake, lychee and honeydew in a food processor or blender and process or blend until pureed, about 1-2 minutes. Pour mixture through a medium strainer.

2. Pour strained mixture into popsicle forms —add raspberries now if you are garnishing the popsicles—and freeze for about 2 hours or until mixture starts to solidify enough to hold a popsicle stick upright.

3. Insert popsicle sticks and finish freezing popsicles overnight.

4. To release popsicles run hot water on the outside of popsicle molds for a 2-3 seconds.

Cherry Apple Whiskey Sour Poptails

2012-05-27T06:46:00.001-07:00

Makes eight 2-and-1/4-oz. popsicles

· 3 cups cherries (weighing 1lb)
· 1 large green apple (weighing 6oz)
· 1 lime (weighing 3 1/2oz)
· 1 cup whiskey
· ½ cup of sweet and sour mix (homemade recipe follows)

1. Pit cherries; set aside. Peel away apple and lime skin and cut fruit into quarters.

2. Place all ingredients in a food processor or blender and process until mixture is pureed. Mixture will be thick.

3. Pour mixture into popsicle forms and freeze for about 2 hours or until mixture starts to solidify enough to hold a popsicle stick upright. Insert popsicle sticks and finish freezing popsicles overnight. To release popsicles run hot water on the outside of popsicle molds for a 2-3 seconds.

Sweet and Sour Mix
· 1/2 cup water
· 1/2 cup sugar
· 1 cup lemon juice

1. Place sugar and water in a sauce pan and heat until sugar dissolves. Add lemon juice and stir to combine. Set aside to cool before using.

Black Nights

2012-05-24T03:08:00.000-07:00

I never had a moment like that. I actually had a feeling get away from me that was one I always ignored, one that needed to be relieved. Well it wanted to end me tonight. I spend eight fucking years keeping that at bay, so why the fuck would I give in now? I've done more than grown since then. I have the willpower to do what I please and not give in.

Asshole

2012-05-20T00:55:00.004-07:00

I tend to think that I'm a complete asshole sometimes. On the contrary, it's everyone else in my past that thinks they can just waltz back into my life without a sorry or remember when. Oh, you want me to come visit while you're thirty years drunk? No thanks, I remember the abuse and neglect in my past twenty. I think that tends to make me pity people who drink a lot so much less... I know that people can build a willpower. Build it on whatever the fuck you want: faith in God, love for your family, strength of your friendships, height of passion for your talents... same goes for any addiction. You want me to come back but still call me a liar? No thanks. Twenty years of hate, spite and lies on your part was enough for me. I plan on making my own family from here on out. My life. My husband. My children. My sister. My family. The rest of you who ever fucked me over when I gave everything can go fuck off. I pity only your weakness, and I pray that God has mercy on your soul.