Pepper Monkey

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2008-03-19T17:02:00.002-05:00

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Top Chef 7th Course: Scrambled tasty waves

2006-12-07T00:15:00.000-05:00

Today the nine chefs were asked to create a mouthwatering entree, but as Padma said, "you can't cook anything." They were taken to a fresh air market where there was an abundance of fresh, good ingredients.
El Wolfman created a plate that he said included a "watermelon steak" and it won the challenge. Ilan was not elated and said "The reason he won was because he called it a steak and it was really just a stack of watermelon."
Wolfman proceeded to do the "immunity dance," shuffling while he sing-songed "I'm not going to get e-lim-in-ated."
For the elimination challenge, the chefs were told to prepare a breakfast for athletes but they were not told where they would be cooking or what facilities for cooking or utensils, pots & pans, etc. would be there.
Turns out the athletes were surfer dudes and dudettes and the chefs were cooking sandside @ Malibu Beach. They had a bonfire encased by cement blocks, some skillets, blankets for them to present their buffets and hovering, hungry seagulls. These were not the ideal conditions for making a quiche as Frank found out. He was in the bottom three with Cliff who made a scary looking scrambled-something served in a bowl (!) and Sam the Hot Diabetic's green eggs and a toad in the hole (avec oddly stuck strawberry). Elia (who every week looks more and more like a frontrunner) won with a sweet/salty pancakey rollup thingey.
I almost couldn't watch the judges' decision. Both Cliff and Sam THD are dear to my culinary heart. So a major Phew! when Frank was booted for committing the mortal sin of serving burned eggs.
top chef

Top Chef 6th Course: Can the turkey day

2006-11-23T12:06:00.000-05:00

Quickfire: Our remaining 10 chefs had 15 minutes to whip up haute cuisine using food pantry-style canned foods. It was something Mia could identify with, she said, because she'd been homeless once and "I'm not scared to cook out of a can."
Her fearlessness earned her a spot on the winning immunity side with Sam, Frank, Ilan and Cliff.That left Mike, Betty, Elia, Marcel and Carlos to cook a cutting edge Thanksgiving dinner.The rub was they had to cook within their living quarters. Marcel and Mike went into one side where Marcel cleared the cooking surface by dumping Frank "the crazy wildebeest's" tooth brush on the floor. (He in turn threatened Marcel, in-yo-face Sopranos-style.)
They cooked their feast for their opponents and the judges table, which tonight included haute-hot-haute Anthony Bourdain. Mike charmed Anthony in such a way that he said "Betty Crocker & Charles Manson had a love child and he's cooking for me." Bourdain added, "I love you like a son." Yes, he was amused by Mike's bouche but also by his cojones to make a twice-baked potato and plate-o-random cheese cuts. In closing Bourdain said to Mike, "Focus, dude." Awww, trés Yoda-esque!
Elia won points for her tasty creamy mushroom soup. (Whoa, girl! Don't get too cutting edge there.) Marcel let the good turkey roulade with a side o' cranberry gel with foam on top. That was the cuttingest of edges, this episode. Betty the Brulee Bitch was snarky when they said her dessert was little more than pumpkin pie filling in a dish. "I do comfort food!" she doth protested ... too much.
And then there's Carlos who went way out there... he put roasted butternut squash on bagged mesclun. That salad was a turkey, indeed! Guess who was told to pack up his salad spinner and leave?
Most quizzical Colicchio quote: "I find when you work with clams and coconut they have to be iced." Sounds like Sopranos code for a hit.
top chef anthony bourdain

Mirror, mirror on the ball, who's the best...

2006-11-15T23:41:00.000-05:00

Dancer of 'em all? Well tonight, props to Emmitt Smith and his partner Cheryl Burke for winning the Dancing With the Stars title. Wonder if Burke will go for a trifecta next year?
Emmitt's remarks were classy, as always, toward Mario Lopez, who I really thought would win. I think it came down to the fact that not only should the dancing be by the book, it should be fun. After all, dance was created as a form of socialization. And Emmitt always looked like he was having a blast on the dance floor.
Congrats again to the victors and to all the dancers for making this the most competitive season yet.
*******
In regard to my predictions this year, I was wrong with Michael winning Project Runway, then wrong with Mario winning this. So I'll say Marcel will win Top Chef and be wrong. (That's fine with me cause I want Sam the "hot diabetic" to win.)
emmitt smith dancing with the stars

Top Chef 5th Course: Beef cheeks & pigs feet... yum-o!

2006-11-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

Parts is parts they say. And boy were the leftover parts on display for tonight's Quickfire challenge. Wolfman Marcel dove first for the pig's blood (and yes Betty, we think he's more Wolfman than vampire — six of one, half a dozen of the other).
Sam "the hot diabetic" knows his parts and won the QF challenge easily.
Next, their elimination challenge was to cook a multicourse meal for actress Jennifer Coolidge and 60 of her closest friends at the restaurant Social.
The chefs paired up into teams. Wolfman Marcel and his "prom date" Frank took some salmon and made a "gnarly tartare" (two words that make you cringe when spoken together). Mike, he late of the Snickers/cheetos turd amuse bouche, and Ilan made a good looking paella topped with a soft-shelled crab. It made you think, whoa. Mike's been such a playah, making you think he was just a slob pub-grubber cook and here he was making an elegant dish. Hmmm.
Pigtailed Marissa and sharp, pointy Josie (who has such a low self-esteem... NOT!) were bounced out by a frowny Colicchio. Maybe he was just snarky because he had to play watchdog in the kitchen after last week's run-in with the truth.
top chef

Trophy "wives"

2006-11-14T22:35:00.000-05:00

Well, there's one thing certain about the Dancing With the Stars finale. Emmitt and Mario wouldn't be there if it weren't for their fab dancing partners, trophy-getting "wives."
Cheryl Burke is the reigning queen, after she and Drew Lachey roped the trophy in last year's finale. But make no mistake, Karina (no one can say her name the way Mario does, sigh) Smirnoff isn't part of the desperate trophy wives club. She's a footworking force on her own!
So here's how I score tonight's finale rounds:
Round One: Same music challenge (to Stevie Wonder's Sir Duke). Both danced the samba.
Emmitt and Cheryl looked a bit halting out of the gate. Emmitt was charming as always, despite his Gatorade-colored shoes. Mario & Karina were much smoother, although Len said he missed his running promenade steps. I would have called this even or with a slight advantage to M&K.
Round Two: Fave dance challenge
Emmitt and Cheryl brought back their hot and saucy mambo. It smoked! Ever as hot as the original performance. I grinned with glee when I heard Mario and Karina would reprise their "Mariachi" pasa doble. Ay-yi-yi-yi, indeed! Tie.
Round Three: Freestyle
Emmitt and Cheryl put on their MC Hammer-genie ware in their final dance. When they did the sidestepping funky footwork it was so fab, but I cringed everytime he lifted Cheryl. It was a bit painful to watch.
With this round, I think Mario and Karina won the title. Their street-style dance featured breakdancing and splits, moves only a younger body than retired NFL champ Smith's could achieve. Will Mario's superior skill outweigh Emmitt's devastating charm? Or will it be the performances of the trophy "wives" that brings home the title?
dancing with the stars mario lopez emmitt smith

Desperate Designing Women

2006-11-13T23:51:00.000-05:00

On Sunday's Desperate Housewives I was straining to figure out who the actress was playing Orson's (Mr. Bree's) mother. Was that a very gray Veronica Cartwright? Nooo. I wracked my brain. It wasn't until I was watching Naomi & Wynona Judd sing their duet today at the Martin Luther King Jr. memorial dedication that the answer was triggered in my pea-brain. Why of course, it was a very gray Dixie Carter. Ooh, no wonder why she was so good. On Designing Woman she played the Helen Gurley Brown version of a latter-day Bree. Trivia buffs will get a kick out of learning that Carter's personal assistant on DW was none other than Marc Cherry, creator and head writer of DH! What goes around...

Boy, DH has suddenly really picked up the pace. Last week's Shootout at the OK Grocery episode will be considered one of those where-were-you-when-X-happened episodes. This episode was one of those plot moveralongers.

I'm annoyed by a couple story lines. I can't warm up to Susan's new Michael Schiavo-esque squeeze. I want Susan and Mike to have, oh what the heck, three minutes of bliss for an episode. What surprises me is the lighter side of Orson, sometimes his tete a tetes with Bree are delightful. But then his creepy face comes on. Speaking of creepy, I knew that guy who hit Annie Oakley in the OK Grocery with a can of chickpeas had a Mark Foley side.

Stay tuned. Can't wait to see what dark secrets Miss Dixie wants to share.

desperate housewives

Their pal Joey

2006-11-09T23:56:00.000-05:00

Mario Lopez and Emmitt Smith bade farewell to dancing pal Joey Lawrence on the semifinal results show for Dancing With the Stars. It was very touching how all the dancers rallied 'round Joey and Edyta for their emotional farewell dance.
The pair really danced their hearts out and performed some clever routines during the season.
For next week's finale Mario and Emmitt will have to dance three different dances, but ala American Idol, they will dance one to the same music. (I think Carrie Ann Inaba is going to need a pair of Depends.)
I'm sure the show will be great. Emmitt oozes funky fun and charisma and absolutely deserves a spot in the Top 2. But after that razor-sharp precision tango by Mario and Karina, I think they already won the title of best dancers.
dancing with the stars mario lopez

Top Chef 4th course: Not-so-amuse bouche

2006-11-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

The kitchen quippery of Chef Mike provided an assortment of not-so-amuse bouche soundbites. He was not happy about the Quickfire Challenge in which they had to creat an amuse bouche, a little mouthful to amuse the palate, using ingredients from a vending machine. His ingredients — crunchy Cheetos and a Snickers — inspired these outbursts:

"Screw this! Screw the Quickfire today! ... Now I have to do this Cracker Jack challenge!"

When guest judge Chef Suzanne Goin took at look at his ... uh ... Snickers turd with a Cheeto feather she snapped at him "I get this vibe... nobody kidnapped you..."
My fave Wolfman Marcel Quickfire du jour quote: "No oysters in the vending machine." Thank God!!! (Unless they sold them only in months ending in -er...)
The episode was called Rabbit Food and for this reason. Their Elimination Challenge was to create a meal of less than 500 calories (as pre-counted by team-assigned nutritionists) for kids at Camp Glucose. (I assume you won't find s'mores on the menu there!)
Bada-Bing Betty bloated her meringue cookies by using Splenda instead of sugar (although if you need a special effect, it makes authentic looking pools of cat vomit). So the next day, she used sugar instead. This of course led to a moral crisis during the judging because she was on the winning team. Sam "the hot diabetic" (as the girls at Camp Glucose dubbed him observantly) let the cat vomit out of the bag when he alluded to the fact that rules weren't being followed, that people were squirting extra olive oil on their dishes. Flava-flaving it up, so to speak.
The show ended with Tom Colicchio putting every chef in that "animal cookhouse" on double secret probation.
top chef amuse bouche tom colicchio

Top Chef 3rd course: Greetings from Smurfland

2006-11-01T23:16:00.000-05:00

Things got quite hairy for Wolfman Marcel during tonight's quickfire challenge. The chefs had about three hours to make an ice cream that they would let the public judge. So of course, in a display of his signature "avant garde molecular gastronomy," Marcel chilled up a batch of avocado & bacon ice cream. {Fave shot: kids spitting it out into their napkins.}
The other challenge involved creating a dish that TGI Fridays could put on their menu — something inspired by their childhood faves.
Frank went down the rabbit hole with Grace Slick and came up with a "fantasy mushroom salad." It made Gail exclaim "I feel like I'm in Smurfland."
Speaking of diminutive folk, Betty bada-binged the Wolfman, who kept pouting that Mike had turned down the frybaby and he couldn't cook his onion rings. And when he tried to psyche her out with his evil eye, she bada-binged him again by winning the challenge.
If I could have picked a winner of the challenge, Sam's exotic fruit salad intrigued me the most. But perhaps I was just distracted by — as Mia put it — his AshtonKutchery good looks.
top chef

The Dynamic Trio

2006-11-01T21:48:00.000-05:00

{CURSES! Blogger photo uploader foils again. So picture this: a green eyelashed, purple lipsticked Monique Coleman with her head looking down as partner Louis the Taskmaster King kisses her mile-high wig.}

Monique Coleman's Halloween performance was a ghostbuster indeed with the Dancing With the Stars fans. She and Louis got the bottom score, despite two strong performances last night.
Next week, the Testosterone Three take the stage in the semifinal round. Judge Len called Mario magnificent in a review of the dancers' styles. (Guess who he thinks will win.) He made a reference to his cockiness, and that Mario shouldn't take anything for granted. That hasn't been apparent to me. No one has been more consistently "magnificent" than Mr. Lopez, IMHO. For Bruno's sake, they've been rating his performances as if he were pro.
Tonight's show included a demonstration of Swop - a dance form that combines swing and hip hop. The way one woman was being bent around at the whim of her partner, it made you wonder if she was made of the same bendable stuff as Gumby and Pokey. Very cool performance.
After how many weeks, last night I just noticed that there has been someone standing next to Tom Bergeron talking with a microphone. Willy Wonka ought to say to her "Uh, you really shouldn't mumble because I can't understand a word you're saying." Her humor has the levity of a Humvee.
dancing with the stars monique coleman

Not a P Miller in the house

2006-10-31T23:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, no joyless, P Miller-style side-sliding on tonight's Final Four Dancing With the Stars. To use a Tyra Banks refrain, this competition is becoming "somethin' FIERCE!"
Faves:

All Mario, all the time. (Loved his "liquid" shirt look in that dreamy waltz. He wuz robbed on the scoring, though!)

Joey & Edyta's "Sympathy for the Paso Doble"

Emmitt and Cheryl's muy caliente rumba

Monique and Louis' rejection of taking things easy. But I much preferred their spooky tango to the gold hot pantsy Ghostbusters Cha Cha.

dancing with the stars

Chips off the 30 Rock

2006-10-26T22:17:00.000-05:00

There have been some good tossaway lines on 30 Rock. Here are two early faves:

TRACY: Freaky-deakies need love too.

JACK: I smell fried bologna all over you.

30 rock tracy morgan

Top Chef 2nd course: A case of lie cheese

2006-10-25T23:30:00.000-05:00

Otto, schmotto! How could I think that human porcupine was this Top Chef season's Pepper Monkey. (Forgive me, dearest Dave.) How cheesy was it to store the case of lychees (that's lee-cheese, not lie-cheese, oh spike-haired one) on that lower shopping cart shelf and then feign surprise that the cashier didn't see it.
At least Otto fell on his santoku for the honor of Team Korea and did the right thing — he left.
Best Wolfman quote of the episode: "I was totally stoked to cook for a badass sushi chef." Wouldn't we all be?
top chef otto pepper monkey

'Sir Shimmy' Smith

2006-10-24T21:23:00.000-05:00

Well, on a Dancing With the Stars evening of wow-full, tight competition (excluding the good humored court jester Jerry Springer), the dancefloor belonged to Emmitt Smith and his partner Cheryl Burke. Their waltz had such grace, their joyful mambo, as the ever drooling Carrie Ann Inaba said, made him into "Sir Shimmy." (Why doesn't she just wear a sign: "Take me Emmitt, I'm yours!")
Again, there was the awkward pairing of "contemporary music" with a dance. Tonight's was perhaps the worst! C'mon, how can you pasa doble to Duran Duran's The Reflex?!!! Kudos to Monique and Louie for dancing their darndest.
Jerry has been fun to watch, but the heat of competition tonight proved it's time for him to get out of the dance kitchen.
At this point, as Emmitt might agree, it's anybody's game. Boy are these celebs, to use a haggard phrase from The Apprentice, really stepping up to the plate.
emmitt smith dancing with the stars jerry springer

No-show Bo

2006-10-22T19:20:00.000-05:00

It's been a frustrating time for Bo Bice fans ever since he nearly won American Idol. On top of his loss were tour detours after he broke his foot onstage in New Hampshire and later needed emergency intestinal surgery after he collapsed backstage in Vegas. He emerged just in time to play AI's last gig in Syracuse. (I witnessed that surprise — he was fantastic, really rocked the house once he tossed aside his cane.)
Then came his AI-produced album The Real Thing. It wasn't awful. The production was way beyond his self-produced CDs. But it wasn't Bo. A telling sign was the fact that Web polls showed his fans' fave song on the album was Valley of Angels, one of the few he wrote. The powers that be initially wanted to keep his Sugarmoney bandmates out of sight. In other words, they were trying to undo that Muscle Shoals sound that is truly authentic Bo Bice.
I was very sorry to just learn Bo had to undergo yet another round of intestinal surgery. Geesh, poor guy. Here's hoping he makes a full recovery this time and can go on to record that one album we're all waiting for. It'll be bluesy, soulful, Whipping Post-ish rockin' good. And yeah, Sugarmoney will be in the studio AND on tour with him.
Hold on Bo, don't let them chances pass you by! God bless.
bo bice sugarmoney

30 Rock 'n' rules

2006-10-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

With the dreaded Curse of the SNL Alumni, I feared for the future of 30 Rock before it started. My fears were unfounded. It's got snappy writing and a great cast. Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan and all the others on staff blend very well. Of course they got me with the gratuitous reference to SUNY Cortland (Sportland to those in the know) when Alec was spouting off what he knew about the Ray Romano/bad Jay Leno impersonator guy.
I think the show has a promising future (especially when the Dancing With The Match.coms results show ends).
What I really appreciate is NBC replaying the show on Bravo. That's a smart trend that the old traditional networks have been following. Especially for people like me who need a life because they're too absorbed in other people's "reality" to catch all "their shows."
30 rock tina fey alec baldwin tracy morgan

Ahooooooo, werewolves of Top Chef

2006-10-19T12:49:00.000-05:00

Well my peeps, Top Chef is back. At first dice, it doesn't appear to live up to my wistful expectations of a Revenge of the Pepper Monkey. Although Otto looks promising as a potential PM wannabe.
There are other chefs who remind me of last year's kitchen staff. Sam is the obvious Harold of this season. How nice to see Mr. Perilla GorillaDieterle again. Wolfman Marcel is the obvious successor to Stephen the Snotty Sommelier. (But does he know his Traminette from a hole in the ground?)
There's no obvious Leigh Ann or Tiffani emerging yet. Glad the bulimic Sujai (was she named after a kata or what?) was the one to go tonight. Smart move to tell Colicchio you're clueless from the start. As for the others, I think the pig-tailed pastry chef could get on my nerves easily.
Let the cuisine art begin!
top chef marcel harold dieterle

Angela's fascist...

2006-10-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

...Wins Project Runway.
Jeffrey Sebelia, aka Tattoo Neck, took the crown with a hitherto unseen style in his collection. You could have called it the Softer Side of Sebelia, but then that would have been an oxymoron.
Bitter... me? Naw, I think Michael will do just fine. With all her new fame, I don't know if Uli will splurge and buy a new barrette or get a perm. And as for ole carrot top, maybe she'll dye her hair goth black and take a walk on the Sebelia side. She can join Angela's mom who may need to borrow some of Laura's straight pins for her Jeffrey voodoo therapy doll.
Until next Fashion Week... Auf, Auf!!
jeffrey sebelia project runway

Rumba coco

2006-10-17T23:24:00.000-05:00

Dancing With the Stars is turning into a match.com series. This season unlike the previous two seems to be sparking more than a little romance. There's Willa Ford and the get-out-of-my-mirror-view handsome Maksim Chmerkovskiy. There's sexy dimpled Mario Lopez and his Karina Smirnoff (while Eva Longoria lusts after "her friend" from the audience). And now, even Sara Evans who's left the show to divorce her porn-perve husband is hooking up with her "always Albanian" partner Tony Dovalani next year so he can "choreograph her tour." Of course... Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

But even the best of romance has its downside. This season's biggest turnoffs:
The throbbing-veined forehead of Joey Lawrence

The weird pairings of modern music with dances in which they have no natural beats in tune

Carrie Ann Inaba's embarrassingly freakish "end zone" dance for Emmitt Smith last week

Bruno Tonioli's constant references to Mario's ... ahem... endowments. Batteries???

Mario is my Pepper Monkey for this series. Ay yi yi!
dancing with the stars mario lopez

Pepper Monkey Eve

2006-10-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

Bless me blogosphere for I have sinned. It's been a MONTH since I last posted.
On that date I had the bugle beads to predict that Michael Knight would win Project Runway tomorrow. After typing that post, I read other blogs whose logic seemed to prove that I am an ignorant twit. C'est la NinaGarcia!
After viewing the episodes since my prediction I can hold my head up high and say he's the nicest contestant left (although Uli's tale of leaving East Germany to pursue the American dream was very touching). So we'll see tomorrow if Laura checkmates Jeffrey out of the competition and Mr. Knight wins the chess match.
Bravo is like a drug dealer shepherding his best heroin customer. No sooner will the final "Aufs" be uttered by Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn will set the designers on their merry ways to "Carry on," then Top Chef Season 2: Revenge of the Pepper Monkey premieres.
Bestill my heart!
project runway michael knight

Scrantonicity

2006-09-17T22:42:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd live to see a TV show that takes place in Scranton. Yet, there could be no more perfect setting for the Yank version of the British hit, The Office.
When I watched the first show, it didn't do much for me. I should have stuck around. Eventually I got into The Office toward the middle of its second season. As Colin Farrell would say, "it's feckin' brilliant." The cast is perfect — so Scrantonian — and the writing is the freshest comedy on TV.
I just bought the second season on DVD and stayed up all night Saturday laughing me arse off, as Colin Farrell might say. (I don't know why I keep referring to him. Did he get drunk in that Scranton pub The Banshee once? Or twice? Or thrice?)
Anyway, it's great to have The Booze Cruise, Christmas Party and Drug Testing all within a DVD player's reach.
This DVD is so great, I think it deserves a Dundie. Don't you, Michael?
the office scranton dwight schrute

Michael Knight wins Project Runway

2006-09-17T21:10:00.000-05:00

So the Project Runway finale is at least two or three weeks away (if they do one of those chatty cast get-togethers again). But if you caught Jay Manuel's show on Style tonight that showed the last four contestants showing their work at Fashion Week, it was pretty evident that Michael Knight was the winner. Along with Kara Saun and another woman, Jay critiqued the four collections.
Rock Star Project Runway winner Jeffrey is a strong contender but likely second, with Uli third and Laura about to drop her baby.
I'm a bit surprised that Jay was able to show this video. I know I read blogs about season one but I don't recall ever seeing actual video outside the PR episode.
If this is the case, I'm delighted. Michael has consistently created beautiful garments and is always classy on camera. He deserved to be the champ, IMHO.
project runway michael knight

Who will be the next Pepper Monkey?

2006-09-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

I can't stand it. The second seasoning of Top Chef is but weeks away. This time the kitchen will be set up in LA, not San Fran.
Hold your spatulas... there's more switcheroo. Billy's Joel's missus, Katie Lee, has been dumped as the show's host. In her place is Padma Lakshmi, a veteran Food Network show host/supermodel who also happens to be Salman Rushdie's missus. Great. If Dave Martin thought he was cursed, at least there wasn't a fatwa against the show when he was on it.
(If anything bizarrely fatwaesque occurs, I'd blame the creepy Irish chef bounced on Episode One. Hide the Henckels knife block if that maniac ever comes over to stay!)
top chef

Razing Kayne

2006-09-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

Gather round my peeps, here's another grab bag of Project Runway stitchbitchery:

Michael Kors to Kayne:
"I think your middle name's gotta be 'Too Much.'"

Jeffrey describing Angela's skill level (on the heels of her ass-kicked swift departure from Paris):
"Artsy crafty macaroni-gluer."

Michael before showing his rough-ruched couture gown:
"I'm sweating like a whore in church."
project runway kayne michael kors