Perfect in our Imperfections

Sports medicine doctor visit

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 16 May 2013 00:09:00 +0000

To review, my current knee problem seemed to start for me when I started taking the Xtend Barre and Butts & Guts classes -- both strength classes with a lot of bent-knee weight bearing. Especially Xtend Barre, where the instructor kept barking, "BEND YOUR KNEES MORE!" It hurt while I was doing it, and it hurt after I did it, and I should have known better. It's hard when I'm getting yelled at like that to listen to my own body. I did stop taking the classes, but apparently not until I had gotten the knee area good and inflamed. And then I tried to do running and swimming and my knee just didn't feel right. It wasn't like my past experiences of Runner's Knee, which hurt under the kneecap. My pain was above the knee and to the side. It wasn't just the pain but also a deep feeling that something was just not right.

I have to admit I was a little nervous about going to a sports medicine doctor. I figure these docs are probably all ex-jocks, so I pictured a super-tan aging dude with a crewcut and big biceps. It, sad to say for my feminist self, did not occur to me that the doctor would be a woman. She may be an ex-jock -- she is very tall so maybe basketball or volleyball. She was very nice.

I explained my problem and just like my family doc, she asked lots of questions and took my issue very seriously, more seriously than I had taken it myself. I was afraid I was making a big deal out of nothing. She felt around the knee joint and had me bend it different ways. I had worn loose capris to make this easier, and I was glad I did.

She did a quick knee ultrasound and looking at it, even I could tell that something was weird. There was a pointy thing that did not look like it should be there. The doctor went back and forth over it a couple of times and then sent me over to X-ray. The X-ray technician asked, "So this has been going on for about a month?" after checking the films. The doctor showed me the X-rays -- there was a triangle-shaped spur on top of my kneecap, exactly where you would not want a pointy thing. The little black triangle on the drawing is my doctor's illustration of the spur. On the plus side, she didn't see any deterioration in the cartilage in the joint.

Apparently, because of my past problems with Runner's Knee, I have some arthritis and the bone spur is a result of that. Fatiguing and stressing my knees in the new classes caused my knee to track badly, irritating everything. I'm taking anti-inflammatories (just OTC Aleve right now) and I have an appointment with a physical therapist on Friday. I also have exercises to do at home. A couple of them hurt right now so I might wait on those until after I see the PT.

I'm doing physical therapy because I want to be back to normal activity as soon as possible. The doctor said I can run "as tolerated" but should probably wait until the inflammation is down. No more Xtend Barre for me. I did, however, put Pilates Reformer back into my schedule, since the goal for my PT is to increase core and hip strength and decrease pain.

I looked into the Whole30 stuff that Debbi is doing because she said it helped her with her joint pain. I just don't understand the justification for cutting legumes from the diet -- they seem like a good source of vegetable protein. I'm not a vegetarian but I don't like eating a lot of meat. A lot of other anti-inflammatory diets include them and low-fat dairy. I'm looking into South Beach right now. The main agreements between these competing plans seem to be:

Minimize or eliminate processed foods and sugar
Maximize vegetables (and to a lesser extent, whole fruit)
Emphasize healthy fats
Avoid artificial sweeteners

I don't want to follow a strict diet at this point but I think I can definitely incorporate some of these elements into my life.

Weigh-in Monday, May 13: Out-of-whack week=bad weigh-in

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 13 May 2013 12:15:00 +0000

Last week was a mess in so many ways. Getting sick on Tuesday and eating and doing nothing all day. Dealing with the knee issue. And, of course, overdoing it yesterday at our Mother's Day brunch. I wasn't surprised that I had a bad weigh-in. I'm definitely feeling out-of-sorts this morning. It is nice that I'm hitting the dreaded 180 mark only when I've had a really rocky week.

I'm hoping that with a more normal week of eating, and with some kind of helpful information from the sports medicine doctor on Tuesday, things will settle back down. I have a lot of lost ground to make up in my DietBet, where my weight is always a little higher because I have to include my weigh-in outfit. Due to rounding, that can make a difference of between 0.6 and 1 pound.

I turn in my grades for the semester tomorrow, so I have to focus on work today. After tomorrow, though, this weight-loss project becomes my #1 priority

Fitbloggin' session description

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 08 May 2013 20:13:00 +0000

This is the session description for the small-group discussion that Margo and I will be leading at this year's Fitbloggin' conference:

Getting Back from Gaining Back

Did you reach your goal weight only to regain as you fell back into old habits? Do you feel sad and ashamed when you remember how you swore that you would "never again" be overweight?

We believe that healthy weight loss begins from a place of self-compassion. It's great to try to develop healthier habits and work toward your goals. We just don't think self-punishment is going to get you there.

Think about it -- even if you could hate yourself skinny, would you really want to?

We’ll talk about:

Developing healthy habits that are sustainable and rewarding

Finding ways to ditch shame and find compassion for yourself

Asking for the support you need from friends and family

Using technology to help you in your "weight loss project"

Dealing with body image confusion after a big loss or a big gain

Living your life with confidence and style, no matter what you weigh

Presented by Margo @shesnachomama and Jen @toledolefty

Not a great diet plan

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 08 May 2013 01:37:00 +0000

I have been home sick all day with a nasty bug. It's one of those ones that come on fast and make you feel awful but (hopefully) don't last long.

It hasn't been that bad because I haven't wanted to eat much -- I just don't feel up to it. I have also been headachy and tired and chilled all day.

All "one stomach flu away from goal weight" jokes aside, this is no fun. Here's hoping I wake up all better tomorrow. I have work to do.

I have to admit, I'm curious to see what the scale says tomorrow, though.

Weigh-in Monday, May 6: Up a bit

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 06 May 2013 11:31:00 +0000

I am up a bit, but less than a pound from last Monday. I need to get going in the right direction again today. I have 5.3 pounds to lose in 21 days to win my DietBet.

I can do it. I have workouts planned for this week and meals planned for the day. Things are still moving in the right direction, and in the last couple of months I have made good progress.

The key is to get the calorie count down. As Jillian said to a woman who was asking how to lose weight when she was busy with work and school and couldn't work out, "The body cannot manufacture calories." Sure, exercise is important for reshaping the body and creating a bigger calorie deficit, but the food is the key.

No excuses -- I will have a loss next Monday.

What I did this week, April 29-May 5

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 06 May 2013 01:30:00 +0000

I actually got outside to bike a couple of days this week, which was a lot of fun. I had been doing all my cycling indoors and it's nice to actually go somewhere. The weather here suddenly got nice and it seems like every blooming tree burst into blossom. It certainly makes exercise a lot more pleasant.

Monday: 30-minute run, 10 minutes walking, plus a 40-minute outdoor bike ride on my big cruiser

Tuesday: Swam for 30 minutes

Wednesday: Day off, did some spring cleaning around the house

Thursday: Spin class, 55 minutes

Friday: 30-minute run, 10 minutes walking

Saturday: Got the road bike out for the first time this year, one hour ride. Also walked to and from the Jillian Michaels show. I booked a hotel half a mile from the theater figuring that was a nice, easy walk. It was a little dark and spooky when we left the show at 11:30 and once we got about a block from the theater, the streets were deserted. Note to self: Downtown Cleveland is nicer than it used to be but it still isn't the kind of place you want to walk half a mile in the pitch black.

Sunday (today): Skipped my swim practice. Took a 30-minute walk instead. I didn't sleep well last night after the show. Our hotel room was either stuffy or freezing, and we opted for freezing. When we got home today we put in some of the screens (we have an old house with old-fashioned storms and screens) and our house feels nice and cool. I think I will sleep well tonight.

Plan for next week:

Monday: Spin class in the morning, outdoor bike ride in the evening (I have to miss my usual Thursday Spin so I'm switching things up a bit)

Tuesday: Swimming in the morning, maybe a walk in the evening

Wednesday: Body Sculpting class, might do some yard work in the afternoon. My garden needs some work.

Thursday: Run in the morning, last day of classes

Friday: Very busy work day, with a graduation party in the evening. Off.

Saturday: Pilates Circuit, outdoor bike ride in the afternoon

Sunday: Swim class

Review: Jillian Michaels's Maximize Your Life Tour

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 05 May 2013 15:21:00 +0000

This is a completely unsolicited, uncompensated review. I bought my own tickets. Please excuse the extremely bad iPhone photos. Last night was the only time I've ever been jealous of Droid owners, since they seemed to be able to take much better ones with zoom.

Any regular reader of this blog knows that I am a big Jillian Michaels fan. Somehow, though, I hadn't heard about the Maximize Your Life tour until I saw her tweet that she was coming to Cleveland on a Saturday night. I didn't really know what I was buying when I bought the tickets, but when I saw how big the State Theater was, I made the rash decision to upgrade to VIP seats. I figured there wasn't much point going to see Jillian live if I would just be watching her on the Jumbotron from the balcony.

I was thrilled to see Janice when I went to check in for my VIP wristband. I heard her before I saw her, and I would know her voice anywhere after listening to the podcast for so many years. I'm as big a fan of Janice as I am of Jillian. Jillian also brought her family with her on tour, and her daughter decided to ham it up a bit onstage before the show with another special guest, Danni.

The show was like a live version of Jillian's podcast, but I got some new insights from the show. I knew all about interval training and "The Dirty Dozen" and "The Clean Fifteen," but I still took notes as I listened, mostly on the motivational and inspirational aspects of the show, but also on some of the food and fitness stuff. I liked Jillian's definition of a plateau as creating too small a calorie deficit to reliably see results, for example. And though she has a favorite type of exercise -- strength circuits with cardio intervals -- she said that people should "find something you love and do it, a minimum of four half-hours per week and a maximum of six hours a week." I thought that was great, accessible advice. I also wrote down "The moment in which you think you're perfect enough to finally pursue your passions. . . never comes."

I also made a few snarky notes to myself. Jillian kept using starting a bakery as an example of something someone who was living her passions might do. "If we're not supposed to eat cake, why are we all starting bakeries?" And also, "Is there anyone who hasn't internalized a feeling of worthlessness?" (Not me or anyone I have ever met!)

Mostly, though, the show was great. We got to see a nice video showing Jillian's history and her family. It's interesting to me that the way she describes her father could describe most of the older male contestants on The Biggest Loser: Overweight, emotionally shut down, and defensive. Because her mother is a psychotherapist and Jillian is such a big believer in the idea that we reenact our original family dramas, I wonder if she has ever realized that her work on the show is allowing her to rewrite that history and find a new ending. When she helped Ken, for example, maybe she was creating the new dad for Austin that she wished she had for herself.

Most of the show would have been great from any seat. The VIP ticket meant, mostly, that I was closer to the stage, and also gave me access to a half-hour question-and-answer session after the show.. Some people in the front row actually interacted with Jillian during the show and got high-fives and hugs, but there were about 200 people in the VIP section. It wasn't an up-close-and-personal experience, but it was worth the upgrade to me to be able to see Jillian and hear her answer people's questions in person. Danni and Janice also participated in the Q & A. To be honest, I think this was the best part of the show, because Jillian was her most natural and relaxed self. Just like the podcast, she got questions both from overweight people trying to make a change, and fit people who wanted to know how to help other people. The hardest one for me to hear was a very overweight woman who had been sitting in the row behind me who said she had no fire or drive to improve her life and wanted to know how to keep her eight-year-old daughter from following her path. She seemed so defeated and unhappy. I hope she found some inspiration from the show.

I didn't get a chance to ask a question. When I checked in, I was told I could bring the question sheet back at the intermission, but in a huge theater packed with mostly women (I counted about ten guys, max, in the VIP section) there wasn't time to do much but run to the ladies' room and get back to my seat. It was a long show but it didn't feel long. Jillian was a tiny little dynamo, using all the space on the stage and laughing with the crowd when something went wrong with the projection system.

If you're a fan and the tour hasn't hit your city yet, consider buying a ticket. They have some reduced-priced seats available now, some as low as $25. The VIP tickets are much more expensive. Mine was $150. There was the option to upgrade on the spot at my show, and I'm not sure if it was the same price or discounted to fill up empty seats. That might be an option worth checking out.

The VIP gift in my packet was an audio CD. I haven't had the chance to listen to it yet. Once I have, I'll post my thoughts in the comments.

Review: Stranger Here by Jen Larsen

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 01 May 2013 22:19:00 +0000

FTC Disclosure: I bought this book myself, with my own funds, and am providing my unsolicited review here. Though I am familiar with Jen Larsen's work, I don't actually know her, however much I might feel like I do after reading her memoir. Links in this post are Amazon affiliate links. If you decide to click through, thank you.

As soon as I heard about Stranger Here: How Weight-Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head, I wanted to read it. I have never had or even considered having weight-loss surgery (WLS), but I am familiar with the disorientation that weight gains and losses can cause, and the title suggested the kind of identity struggle I have had during this whole funhouse-mirror experience. Of course, it was much more extreme in Jen's case, as the span from her top weight to her lightest was 180 pounds, and she lost it all so quickly. That seemed to have left her lost and confused.

This book may not be what people interested in a weight-loss surgery memoir are looking for. There aren't a lot of gory details about the surgery itself, or tips on how to follow the recommendations for living after the surgery. Jen seems to have closed her eyes to all that and gone with a trial-and-error approach, and though she still has her piles of documents about the surgery, she doesn't seem interested in finding out more.

There's also not a lot of before-and-after porn, the staple of transformation stories. There is one set of pictures in the very back of my Kindle edition, and it reflects the same ambivalence hinted at by the title: In the "Before" picture, Jen is very big, yes, but she is wearing a sexy top, smiling, and seems totally engaged in a conversation with an off-camera friend. In the "After," a much smaller Jen is unsmiling, stiff, and totally focused on the camera. She looks, from her posture, like she is trying to make herself disappear. In an interview, when asked about a similar set of pictures, Jen said the after photo was just a result of feeling self-conscious about having her picture taken:

I was so tired of people assuming Before is bad and After is awesome. I wanted to use a Before photo that wasn't a cliche, that didn't pander to the idea that all the smiling has to start happening in the After photo. The fact that I look kind of terrified in the After photo is actually kind of an accident. I am really not good at taking posed pictures without looking stiff and awkward.

Given the tone of the book, though, I'm not sure that is totally true. I am guessing that the after photo was taken when Jen was at her lightest weight, around 130. During this same time, the book documents her desperate struggle for approval and acceptance. The look she's giving to the camera seems to say, "Am I okay yet?" and it's a feeling I can identify with. It's the same way I felt when I got to my own goal weight, and then didn't know where to pin all my remaining feelings of discomfort and inadequacy, now that the weight was gone.
This is the real heart of the book, Jen's message that losing 180 pounds didn't bring her the feeling she thought it would. It didn't solve her problems or make her relationships better. I think anyone who has lost weight, especially those who lost and regained a little, would relate to that feeling and her experiences of looking around with confusion at the world that told her that losing weight would make all her dreams come true. Jen says, of her current weight (in the 160s), "Generally, I am happy. I don't stand out, and I can fit just about anywhere, in this world that's built for a specific size of person." It seems like fitting in, not standing out, are the important words here. That's another thing I can relate to. There is a certain amount of attention that dramatic thinness brings that can be very uncomfortable. Fitting in to the mainstream is easier in many ways.

Another important theme is how weight loss tested all of her relationships. There is an implied lie in the commercial weight-loss industry that you can change yourself without changing the people and environment around you. In Jen's case, it was obvious that her new diet and her changing self-image caused a disruption for those around her. The relationship that suffered most seemed to be one built on an unspoken contract to avoid looking at the truth at all costs. Her stronger, more honest relationships survived, but not without some struggles.

Perhaps the most striking thing to me, as a WLS outsider, was the conveyor belt from her first contact with the surgical center to the actual surgery. Everything from that first moment pushed her toward getting the procedure -- the surgeons even helpfully found her a psychiatrist and a general practitioner who would check off her insurance company's requirements without asking too many questions. There was the assumption that this surgery would take her from sickness to health, and the surgeons helpfully expedited the process. In fact, when the GP her surgeons set her up with was out of the office, she encountered a doctor who told her the truth. At more than 300 pounds, he said she was generally healthy. He obviously was upset that she was taking such a drastic step without really understanding the consequences. He urged her to wait, think about it, try other options. But at that point, she was already committed to the idea that this was her only hope.

Reading this book is a bit like watching a train wreck in slow-motion: Though a successful outcome of the surgery was dependent on her compliance to a very strict diet, Jen was not able to lose the recommended weight before the surgery to reduce the fat in her liver and make the surgery less complicated. In fact, she gained more weight. I'm not sure that it's responsible practice to perform a procedure like this when all indications were that she would not, or could not, comply with the post-surgical diet. And she didn't. It was obvious that she got no help, other than the surgery, to deal with the issues that caused her problems with food in the first place, and she seemed to shift to other distractions, like alcohol (well-detailed) and sex (hinted at) to fill the void.

This was not an easy book to read, but I read it in one frantic sitting. There aren't a lot of answers here -- the closest is a moment when Jen looks at a picture of herself in a bridesmaid's dress and thinks:

I could just be that girl. It didn't have to be a transitional state. I didn't have to be someone who used to be too fat, or someone who worried too much about being skinny. The steady stream of awareness of my body and my size and my shape could slow down to a trickle, a murmur I could tune out easily.

That is, live in the moment. Accept her body as it was. It would feel glib if there weren't all those pages before it, showing how far she had to travel to get to that insight. She urges readers to skip that middle part, of course, and provides a lot of links and resources. That part of the book feels a bit beside the point.

The point, to me, is that through Jen's experiences we can see that looking at a life through the filter of weight and body image doesn't work. Other people don't enjoy being used as measuring sticks, so the comparison game has no winners, no matter where you fall in the rankings. Relationships that are broken don't get fixed just because your dress size is smaller. Confidence doesn't come free with the purchase of a pair of size-4 jeans. For me, the biggest moment in the book was when Jen tossed out her fears about how she would look on a bike and just bought one and rode it.

I definitely recommend this book for anyone at any point in the weight loss process, and especially for people considering WLS. Jen's voice is fresh and honest. She is willing to put her experiences out on the table for readers to look through (though I'm guessing with some pseudonyms to protect people who didn't sign up for that). I have missed Jen's posts on the now-defunct Elastic Waist blog, where she wrote post-surgery diary entries as Anne. It was nice to get this dispatch from the other side and see that she is (mostly) okay.

DietBet Day 1: 2 down, 5.3 to go

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:01:00 +0000

Today is the day the My Fitspiration 2 DietBet officially starts. People can still join the game late, but most of the players already got their start weights over the weekend. All weigh-ins from now until the end are unofficial (they don't require photo verification) and some of the losses are pretty incredible. At least one player is already at 100% of goal. But, as DietBet says:

The game has begun! You should unofficially weigh in as much as you like during the game. Doing so will help keep you accountable. But, don't get distracted by players who appear to have super fast weight loss. DietBet verifies each players' weight at the beginning and end. Only official weigh ins, reviewed by our Referees, determine who wins. Ultimately, DietBet is about you versus the scale. If you meet your 4% goal, you win! Good luck!

I expect that many players who have lost big overindulged a bit the day before the first weigh-in, as I did. The weight loss from here on out is going to be harder, but I only need to average a 0.2 loss per day. I think it's doable, and the prize is definitely worth a little extra effort.

Some explanation for those confused by the numbers on my various screenshots: I didn't record my initial DietBet weigh-in in LoseIt -- I record my weight on Mondays there and anytime I get a good weigh-in, so my graph there ignores a lot of temporary upswings. FatWatch is where I record every weigh-in, no matter what it says (red (total) and blue (fat) graphs below show that progress). My weigh-in outfit weighs 1.2 pounds, which accounts for the difference between the two weights.

It's kind of gratifying that even weighing in with clothes, I am still below that 180 number, which was such a struggle to reach. Now I have my sights (and my game) set on breaking through 175. Little by little, I am going to get to my goal. I'm determined.

I find it interesting that this time, DietBet is showing more stats for players' progress. It shows pacing for women weighing less than 181 pounds and more than that number, leading me to think 181 must be the average weight for women in the game. For men, it's 217 pounds. I don't know if that's an average for all players in this game or all players in all DietBet games. There are also stats for those sharing on Facebook, those sharing on Twitter, and those playing for charity. This time, I'm going to pledge 50% of my winnings to CARE, which is currently promoting the Live Below the Line challenge. I found out last year that I can't think or work when trying to live below the line, so I'll try to lose some weight and win money for them instead.

Good luck to all the other players!

My Fitspiration DietBet 2: Big News! Big Prize!

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 11:25:00 +0000

I am going to save my weigh-in post for tomorrow because that's when the new game officially starts. Instead, I want to share some news about the My Fitspiration 2 DietBet game -- the prize has been announced!

Just in case you are wondering, I have no connection to DietBet or Hannah or Olivia or The Biggest Loser Resort, or BodyMedia. I'm just a fan. I do get the chance to be the MVP of the DietBet if a lot of people join through my link, and maybe win some chips to play in another game.

I am saying this because I was right! Even Olivia says so:

@toledolefty @dietbet @bl11hannah Haha! We saw that...you called it!— Olivia Ward (@BL11Olivia) April 29, 2013

The winner of this game gets to go, with a guest, to The Biggest Loser Resort in Chicago to meet Hannah and Olivia in person. The trip even includes airfare. (Chicago is sooo close to Toledo, DietBet, you should definitely add me to the guest list. I'd even get myself there). Players in the DietBet game will get $250 off a stay that week. There are also other prizes from BodyMedia, maker of the armbands worn by contestants on The Biggest Loser.

So, the important thing is to win the DietBet first. To do so, I have to lose as much in the next 4 weeks as I have all year. The great thing is that I have two chances to win the grand prize, because my husband is playing. So if I win, he wins, and vice-versa.

I'm hoping the trip is not in June! I am already going to Pelee Island, Ontario; Pacific Grove, California; and Portland, Oregon in June. If everything works out I also plan to do a sprint triathlon in Chelsea, Michigan the one weekend I am not currently traveling. Now that I know you're reading my blog, Hannah and Olivia, doesn't July sound like a great time for a trip?

There's still time to get in on this game. If you decide to join, please let me know in the comments.

It's on: My Fitspiration 2 DietBet

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 13:48:00 +0000

The weigh-in for the My Fitspiration TWO! DietBet started this morning. There is still time to enter if you are interested. If you do, please let me know so I can friend you (assuming you want to be my friend). DietBet is giving people in this game $15 in DietBet credits if they sign up three friends. If you use the link above, you will count as one of my recruits, but even if you sign up on your own, I'd like to cheer you on.

They have not announced the bonus stakes yet, which is probably why the pot is smaller this time. The trip to NYC inspired a lot of people who might never have tried DietBet (including me) to sign up. I am still hoping for a trip for two to the Biggest Loser Resort.

I recruited my husband to play this time. I thought that the weigh-in word was the same for everyone, so we took our photos only to find out that he had used the wrong word. He has to redo his. My full-body photo is bad. I am just posting the picture here of my beautiful feet, bunions and all, on the scale.

I was a little annoyed to see people posting about bingeing before their weigh-ins (what's the point?) but I must admit I was a little less careful about my food yesterday, knowing that I would be clamping down on my calories. Consequently, my weight is up from yesterday, spoiling my beautiful trend line on my weight graph. I need to lose 7.3 to win the bet, which would bring me under 175. I want to see that number even more than I want a chance to win whatever undisclosed prize they are handing out this time in the DietBet.

I have a bit of a book hangover this morning after reading Jen Larsen's entire weight-loss surgery memoir Stranger Here on my iPad in one frantic session (link takes you to a book excerpt). I will be reviewing the book here soon, to keep this from being a blog all about my weight and pictures of my feet and little graphs. Don't wait, though, just go buy it and support a fellow blogger. She used to write as Anne on Elastic Waist (RIP). Her voice is fresh and funny. I've missed it. The story is raw and honest and painful to read. Get it.

Bending the curve

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 12:14:00 +0000

I'm getting close to an important landmark: The day that my moving average trendline in FatWatch will finally get pulled below 180. The diamonds on the chart below are the actual weigh-ins, but my average is still being pulled up by a few high readings. I don't know the details of how FatWatch computes its moving average -- how many weigh-ins it uses, whether it drops old weigh-ins or just gives them less weight. The basic idea, though, is that a moving average is designed to smooth out fluctuations and show trends. The first chart shows weight trends over the past month.

It is even more obvious from my quarterly chart that I have been making a lot of progress over the last month. I have been on a downward trend since the beginning of the year but the last few weeks have definitely bent the curve toward more dramatic weight losses. In this case, "dramatic" is still less than a pound per week. If you looked at the spreadsheet from Monday's post, you'll know that I still have not done much dramatic calorie-cutting, I just have gradually worked on bringing that number lower. I joined the new DietBet to inspire me to push myself a little harder, starting next week. I will weigh-in over the weekend for that one.

When I look at trends for the last year, I can see that things are definitely moving in the right direction. This graph looks like the stock market in the 20s. It is a little discouraging, though, if I think about how far I still have to go to my ultimate weight goal, which isn't even on this chart.

When I look at my all-time weight history (last chart), I still have some work to do just to get back where I was in 2011, and even more to best my 2010 lows. It looks to me, though there isn't enough detail to be sure, that my weight goes down a little each summer and then climbs again during the school year. This year has been the exception, thankfully, as I have lost weight during spring semester. This gives me some hope that I could reach my weight goals this summer if I push. Then the important thing is not to let school stress be an excuse to let my exercise goals and calorie counting go out the window.

That, or find a way to become rich and famous through blogging so I can quit my day job.

[crickets chirping]

Okay, then, stress management it is.

Apologies for the super-geeky post. I will have more exciting things to blog about soon, I promise. For example: 10 DAYS TILL JILLIAN.

Weigh-in April 22 and new DietBet

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 12:06:00 +0000

This week's weigh-in was nothing special -- I need to move the Monday weight under that 180-pound line. I was 0.6 under last Monday's weigh-in, but up a little from yesterday.

Being the geek that I am, I have a spreadsheet where I track weight, calorie data, calories burned, average calories, percentage lost, etc. My average calories are up a bit from last week but I burned more. The goal would be to edge the calories burned number up and get the calories consumed down.

Finally, I have to share some DietBet news. Hannah and Olivia are running another DietBet starting April 30. If you have emailed me recently, I may have sent you an invitation. I was hoping that if I invited people and they decided to join, we would be DietBet "friends" (a new feature) and could support each other. If you would like to be invited, my email is toledolefty (just like my old blog name) at Gmail dot com. I hope that no one was annoyed by the invites. I don't typically spam my readers but my DietBet posts were popular and people seemed interested in the game.

I already joined because that game lit a fire under me like nothing else has. There is also going to be a special prize that is supposed to be BIGGER than the New York City trip. Hannah and Olivia did a Google Hangout to announce the winner of the last trip and launched a new game. This was the biggest DietBet so far, I think, and DietBet is providing a new, shiny prize to entice more people to the service. I am hoping maybe it will be a trip to the Biggest Loser Resort with Hannah and Olivia, or a trip to the Biggest Loser finale.

Also, I'm pasting an image of my geeky diet spreadsheet below. If you want a copy of my spreadsheet to use (if you are a geek like me and know how to customize formulas) email me at the address above and I'll send you the file.

Have a good week!

What I did this week, April 15-21

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 12:41:00 +0000

This marks another week where I have been able to stick with my exercise schedule, for which I am very grateful. I weighed in this morning at 179.6 after a night out with my husband -- it feels good to be able to indulge a little here and there and still be moving the scale number. Summer is coming and I want to feel good in summer clothes this year.

The weather is like my scale readings -- all over the place but trending better. We have been able to get out for evening walks more often, which is nice. Our spring here has been a wet and a weird one. We had snow on the ground when I woke up yesterday.

Workouts for this week:

Monday: Yoga, short walk in the evening.
Tuesday: Swam for 40 minutes:

4 x 100: 75 free/25 stroke
4 x 100 kick
2 x 150 pull
2 x 100 IM
2 x 12.5 underwater kick/12.5 perfect swim
4 x 25 on :40
100 easy

Wednesday: Butts & Guts class
Thursday: Spin class
Friday: 20 minute run and 10 minutes walking in chilly, damp weather (see photos)
Saturday: Pilates Circuit class
Sunday: Will swim with my Masters' group

Being more playful

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:11:00 +0000

Laura just posted on a subject that has been very much on my mind lately, getting -- and mostly looking -- older. Looking older, especially, is a bummer. People tell me I don't look my age, which is great, but I definitely look older to myself than I did just a few years ago.

When I was a teenager, I remember my older relatives telling me how lucky I was to be young, and "If I were your age I'd..." It used to confuse me, because they had already been my age and hadn't done those things. Now I understand. There are two delusions older people have about being young. First, they forget all the pain and uncertainty they felt when they were younger and the fact that being young doesn't always equal being attractive, given acne, weight gain, braces, etc. Second, they forget that part of being young is necessarily not having the wisdom and perspective being older brings.

I'm never going to be younger again, so I figure I should make the most of my life now. That has been one of the reasons for the added focus on getting to my weight goals -- I know, when I'm honest with myself, that I would be a lot happier if I could just put on anything I own and feel great in it. It's worth a little sacrifice now to make that happen.

I have been experimenting more with color since my makeover a few weeks ago. I don't want to spend my whole paycheck at Sephora, so I have been exploring sites like Nouveau Cheap for reviews on drugstore finds. Because I already own OPI base and topcoats, for example, a $1.99 Sinful Colors manicure can look just as good as an OPI one. Especially for trendy colors, like mint green, I don't want to spend a lot on a polish I might only wear a few times. I'm pretty good at painting my own nails, I just am not great at waiting for it to dry. I have found that if I paint my nails while watching TV, they are dry by the end of the show -- and I can't snack.

I even sprung for a cute new pair of glasses. My allergies have been acting up a little more often and making it harder to wear my contact lenses all day, every day. I have to wear glasses sometimes, and I wanted a pair that I could feel cute in for a special occasion. I already have a couple of basic pairs. It feels like a lot of money to spend, but my prescription doesn't change that often and I keep my glasses for years. These purple frames with crystals are fun and playful. I'm hoping to get some fun new clothes, too, once I get closer to my weight goals.

As I posted a few days ago, we are also working on paying down debts and just started putting away a little more for retirement. This stuff isn't sexy but it will allow us to have more freedom as we get older. I also don't want to be tied to a job because of debt -- especially with the way things at my school have been going lately.

This summer, I also want to start back up with my art classes and work on some writing projects. I think that I need outlets for my creativity. It has just been hard to fit everything in. Why can't time be unlimited?

By request: DietBet update

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:11:00 +0000

Debbi rightly pointed out that I never did a final update on my DietBet. I thought maybe my reports on this had started to seem obsessive and/or monotonous. Obviously, if I had made my goal, I would not have cared if it got boring, I would be shouting to the hilltops.

I accidentally clicked the wrong button and set my DietBet final weigh-in to the last time I weighed in. I tried to fix it but was not able to do so. I figured it wasn't that important because I didn't win. Actually, my final weigh-out with the clothes was 181.0. That means I was 4 pounds shy of my goal.

I was up a little on my first day of DietBet so the "official" weight loss numbers are a bit inflated. Still, I lost 3.8 pounds between the first Monday and weigh-out day on Tuesday, just shy of one pound per week. Before that, I had lost only 2.8 pounds for all of 2013 so far, a rate of less than 1/4 pounds per week. So it seems that this competition did light a bit of a fire under me and help me to develop habits that should lead to a quicker but sustainable pace of weight loss for the rest of the year.

One thing that this experience has confirmed for me is that reducing my calories is the only way to drop pounds. Sadly, I'm not going to be able to exercise my way to a low scale number, it makes a difference in the way my body looks and feels.

Obviously, quick weight loss is not my forte. I never was one of those people who could regularly log multiple-pound losses each week. I was only tempted to even try this bet to have a chance to win the trip to meet Hannah and Olivia. I don't know if I'd do a DietBet again unless I had a similarly-good reason to try it or if I really just needed some extra motivation. It would be fun to organize a game with a smaller group of bloggers and other people I know -- I didn't tend to look at the DietBet posts much because there were so many people posting. It was a very successful group of losers too -- about half the people made their goal, which is much better than a typical game, though not as good for the winners. Out of the $63,000 pot, it looks like each winner is going to get a little less than $45, including their original $25 investment.

Doing something instead of waiting to do the perfect thing

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 13:44:00 +0000

I haven't been saving for retirement for the last three or so years. My husband had heard somewhere that if you had credit card debt, you should make paying that off a priority instead of saving for retirement, so we agreed to put our money into paying down balances. We made some bad decisions when we were younger that we are still paying for, quite literally. I also have some student loans that won't be paid off for several more years.

Lately, though, I have been reconsidering. It may take us a while to pay the balances down. There may never be a time where it feels easy to save for the future. And meanwhile, we are getting older. I remember attending a seminar on retirement planning, and the speaker said that a mistake women commonly make is feeling overwhelmed by the options and waiting to do anything until they can research further, which usually means they do nothing. And even though I attended that seminar years ago, guess what I have been doing since? At the same seminar they talked about financial planners, and wills, and all that stuff. I didn't want to deal with all of that, so I did nothing.

We aren't totally irresponsible. My husband works for a state employer that puts away part of his paycheck pretax into a retirement fund. I used to contribute to that fund for a while myself, and if I ever work for the state again, I could probably buy my years at my current employer. I contributed to 403(b)s on and off early in my career, and have that money in a rollover account. Since I work for a private university now instead of a public one, I'm paying into Social Security again, and because I started working part-time jobs when I was 16, I have quite a few years of credits there too. But I think we should be doing something more. I want us to have money not just for the essentials, but a little left over to travel and enjoy ourselves.

I got a statement from one of my 403(b)s and called the company and talked with an agent. I talked it over with my husband and we decided on an amount to start with. I got the forms about a week ago, and today I finally filled them out. Instead of agonizing over all the options, I checked the box for a one-step account that adjusts itself over time for a given retirement date. I picked the year that I will turn 65: 2035. It may not be genius investing, but it's something. I can always make changes later. I am going to get them in the mail today, before I have any more time to think about it. As I learned in graduate school, "Sometimes done is good enough."

Weigh-in April 15: One more day

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 11:00:00 +0000

How can I weigh in more than 5 pounds lighter than last Monday and be disappointed? Well, I was really hoping against hope to win this DietBet thing today.

I have until midnight tomorrow night, and as my Monday weight is almost always higher than my Tuesday weight, I have a small chance of winning, but even I would put it at about 1% now. I am not going to do anything ridiculous to get there.

As I said before, this will still have been a worthwhile experience even if I don't win, but winning is better than losing.

Still, in the long run, it's all about pushing those red and blue lines down on my graphs. And no matter how tomorrow's weigh-in goes, I can continue to do that.

What I did this week

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 00:48:00 +0000

I am adding back exercise little by little to bring me back to training level. I have two more classes to use up at my Pilates studio. I decided to drop Xtend Barre on Monday and substitute it with yoga for two reasons. Most importantly, it hurts my knees. It also can cause some muscle soreness, and with my DietBet final weigh-in coming up, I can't afford that. Yoga will feel good -- I haven't done it in a while. Ideally I would have that in my schedule at least once a week.

I finally got back in the pool tonight. It was not as bad as I was afraid it would be. I even did a little bit of butterfly today and was complimented on it by one of my fellow swimmers and my coach.

The picture above gives you an idea, but here's how my workouts broke down day-by-day:

Monday: Xtend Barre (a.k.a. Knee Crunching Class), 45 minutes with some stretching at the end. Walked 30 minutes.
Tuesday: 40 minutes of running, 15 minutes of walking.
Wednesday: Guts & Butts class, 45 minutes of mostly kettlebells and ab work with some stretching.
Thursday: Off. It was a busy day and my knees were killing me.
Friday: 20 minutes running and 10 minutes of walking.
Saturday: Pilates Circuit class.
Sunday: One hour of swimming. Took it a little easy today.

DietBet home stretch

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 14 Apr 2013 14:16:00 +0000

I still have a couple of pounds to lose to win my DietBet -- the deadline to weigh in at or below my goal weight is Tuesday just before midnight. This is the homestretch.

I'm not going to do anything nutty like putting on a rubber suit and running through the neighborhood like the main character in Vision Quest, but I am going to do what I can sanely to make sure I'm not retaining fluid. I bought the cup you see in the photo (with bonus view of my living room) today at the grocery store along with the supplies for the Flat Belly Diet Sassy Water recipe, so that I can make sure to stay hydrated. I'm going to keep my food as light as possible, and cut down on carbs for the next couple of days. I switched the strength training class I was supposed to take on Monday for a yoga class instead.

And if I don't make it, I don't. I just want to give it my best shot. If I lose $25 in this thing, it's less than I would have paid for one month of Weight Watchers, and I have already lost 4.6 pounds, more than I did in most months when I was in Weight Watchers.

Most importantly, I figured out that I can do 1600 calories a day most days. If I just did that on weekdays and allowed myself a little more leeway on weekends, I could continue to lose, not as at as sharp a rate as in the last month, but at a rate that might get me to my goal in this lifetime. I learned that it's okay to push myself a little. The chart below says it all.

Back in the 170s

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:28:00 +0000

Now I just have to lose another 3.4 by Sunday.

Getting back to normal

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 12:37:00 +0000

I was writing a description of my blog yesterday for FitBloggin' and I said that my blog had evolved from its Yet Another Weight Watcher days to be less obsessively focused on the scale. It would be hard for someone landing here in the last few days to agree. This post will, hopefully, be the last one that discusses the six-pound gain I experienced last week.

I was just talking with my runner husband and we figured out that I inadvertently carbo-loaded this last week -- I ate lower than normal calories (and carbs) for four days, then more than normal for three. In the last two days, I have lost two pounds of water each day. Because my body fat is still reading below normal on the scale, I suspect there is still more stored water to dump, it just appears that two pounds a day is what my body can process. I did not eat higher than normal calories last week -- actually, my daily average was lower than the week before. Because I had such good results with 1600 calories per day, I am making that my goal for this week. Monday I was a little over, but yesterday was right on target.

In addition to getting my calories back in order, I'm also working on remembering to take my supplements. After reading Julia's recent blog post on Up & Running on magnesium supplementation, and also reading in Unleash the Power of the Female Brain that oral contraceptives can deplete magnesium, I am trying magnesium supplementation. That means that when I take my supplements, I now take: Magnesium citrate, vitamin D, 2 fish oil capsules, one flaxseed oil capsule, a probiotic, and one women's multivitamin with iron (I also tend towards anemia). It feels like a lot to take. I haven't been able to use a pill strip as a reminder because all these supplements are too bulky to fit in one, so I'm trying to remember them with lunch. I already have a double pill strip in the bathroom because I can never remember if I have taken my Synthroid in the mornings, and I also take an allergy pill and a baby aspirin at night. I never thought I would be such a pill popper.

I think I should be able to be wearing my contacts by this weekend -- this time the eye flare-up got really bad. I had to go back to the eye doctor because even after taking the antibiotic/steroid drop for a few days, my eye really hurt. I had tiny calcium oxalate crystal deposits in my eyes, which were scratching them. She had to physically remove them, which freaked me out. Apparently, these can develop in people with allergies. I had to keep taking the drops for another week. Today I switch to a different eye drop, and after that, I should be back to my normal allergy drops (Patenol). After these problems, I am going to be diligent about doing them twice a day every day.

Daily checklists for the last two days:

Monday

Average 300 minutes of exercise, with at least 30 minutes per day: 45-minute Xtend Barre class, 30-minute walk
Log all food in Lose It! and stay ~~in the "green zone"~~ under 1600 calories: Was over, 1860
Take my supplements: Yes.
At least 3 servings of veggies and 2 fruits: Spinach, orange, apple, ratatouille (eggplant, zucchini, peppers, onions, tomatoes), Brussels sprouts, grapes
Get at least 35 grams of fiber: 33.

Tuesday

Average 300 minutes of exercise, with at least 30 minutes per day: 40 minutes of running, 30 minutes of walking
Log all food in Lose It! and stay ~~in the "green zone"~~ under 1600 calories: 1587
Take my supplements: Yes.
At least 3 servings of veggies and 2 fruits: Strawberries, carrot, celery, cucumbers, peppers, apple, ratatouille (eggplant, zucchini, peppers, onions, tomatoes), Brussels sprouts
Get at least 35 grams of fiber: 41.

Weekly weigh-in: Special Tuesday Edition

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 11:39:00 +0000

I can tell from my graphs that things are still weird, but I decided to go ahead and have an "official" weigh-in post. What's the difference between an official weigh-in and an ordinary one? Not much. I write this post. I record my weight in LoseIt and DietBet (which still gives me better than even odds to make my goal despite my weight gain). I will continue to update as things settle down.

Giving myself a reprieve

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 11:40:00 +0000

This week I'm putting off my "official" weigh-in for a day. The graphs above suggest some of the worst water weight gains I have ever seen -- my body did not drop several pounds of fat while gaining twice as many pounds of lean mass.

I wouldn't be surprised to see some real weight gain on the scale tomorrow, but not this much. Things could not have been worse for healthy eating. I had planned to bring safe food with me but I ran out of time and didn't get to the store. Every day we had a buffet breakfast with rubber scrambled eggs, bacon, simple carbs, and some lackluster fruit. We had a baked potato bar with a "salad" of plain lettuce for lunch one day, and a wrap with potato chips and cookies another day. There were always cookies and other junk food for snacks. On the final day there was finally a fruit basket -- the apple I grabbed was probably the best thing I ate all weekend. There were no real healthy restaurant options in town and I didn't have a car of my own there.

I have another conference this summer, but I don't expect it to be as bad for a couple of reasons:

I actually want to attend the conference and am looking forward to it, not dreading it
It is in Monterey, California, where I will have opportunities to really get outside and exercise. This conference was in a bleak, deserted downtown of one of those sad little Midwestern cities gone to seed. It didn't feel safe to be out by myself in the early mornings, the only time I had to myself.
The conference facility is likely to have a nice fitness center, instead of a tiny room filled with broken equipment.
The food is likely to be healthier (how could it be worse).
I will be able to walk or use public transit to get to healthier food choices.

Today I am going grocery shopping and am going to plan good meals for the week. I really did not enjoy eating all that junk -- I felt terrible. This morning I feel sort of hung over. I am looking forward to getting back to small, cleaner meals. Tomorrow I will see how the scale looks -- as I said, I'm expecting a gain, just probably not as much as today.

Mid-week weigh-in: Finally!

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:23:00 +0000

Since Monday, I have lost 2.4 pounds. That's about half a pound per day.

I have stayed under the 1600-calorie mark every day, and also worked out each day.

I have had some moments of hunger, nothing terrible. I could keep this up, especially on ordinary days where I'm making all my own food.

I leave for a conference today and I'm going to have to be careful. I want to at least hold steady over the weekend.