Perfectly Flawed

To Whomever's Left

2010-08-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Whomever's Left:

I have a new blog.

As you might have noticed, I don't really post here anymore. I'm sorry if that has disappointed you, but these things happen. This is the Internet after all, where most things only last a few years. Well that is, this blog only lasted a few years; personally speaking the Internet and I have continued on together. I like to think I have lasting power, and the Internet sure does have a lot of stamina.

So in that this blog is pretty much dead, it also continues on. It has been linked and cached and archived and all that. I'm going to leave it here, as I don't have much reason not to. Over time I'll repost some of the nicer entries in the new blog, as I can be arsed to do so.

I miss this blog, I do. She was good while she lasted. We didn't always get along, but she was there when I needed her and I learned a lot. I have walked away a better person. I am not going to say I walked away a better blogger though; in that regard I'm still pretty average, what with my sporadic posting and lackluster tagging habits. I have no clue what my "blogging voice" is. I like to think it's a little breathy, with a sense of authority.

The new girl, we're still finding our footing. Figuring out how to work together. She's a slick piece of work though (*cough*Wordpress*cough*) and I see a lot of potential in our future. She makes me excited for my future.

Perfectly Flawed is dead. Long live Perfectly Flawed.

Transitions in Technology, Stage 1: Letting Go

2009-02-25T10:46:00.000-08:00

Strombergast was the first computer that was "mine". I ordered him from Dell in 2004, because they can do payments and I sure as hell didn't have $1,400 on me at the time. Plus they do custom orders, and I wanted to get something beyond a standard build. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I didn't know as much about computer technology then as I do now. Because if I did, I would have known not to order from Dell. Nonetheless...

Strom was a solid workhorse of a machine. He was a tank. His case was heavy, for a mid-size tower. At this point I don't remember much of the specs. 80Gb hard drive, an ATI Radeon X300-series graphics card, a gig of RAM. Not the hottest machine by any means, but for my basic needs it worked well. Did some casual gaming, did some design, spent a lot of time blogging. Spent a lot of time naked with it, too, because that was my work back then. What am I saying? I spent a lot of time naked with it period, because I am just naked a lot.

As time passed, the wear I--and others--had put on the machine was beginning to show. I had a room mate spill some Fruit Punch soda on the keyboard, and though he tried to clean it up best he could, I still noticed the sticky liquid sloshing out. A few months later, a different roommate spilled a glass of fruit juice on the desk and, knowing I would not react well, did not tell me. But I figured it out when the keyboard and monitor were both glued to the desk by the dried sugary residue, and all the plugs were stuck in my surge protector for the same reason.

The computer moved out of the public space and into my bedroom after that, but they still used it without my permission when I was away. Who knows what icky viruses they downloaded on it. *shudder*

Then in more recent years, I moved in with Makal and he introduced me to World of Warcraft. WoW was a little laggy on it (okay, a LOT laggy, so we doubled the RAM from the original 512Mb to 1Gb) but it worked. I dealt with it. At one point I discovered that one of our cats had been spraying the back of the case... This is something I shall not describe in detail. You do not want to know the details. Suffice it to say, Strom was not having the best time.

Then the death of the monitor; after enlisting an electronics friend to help me fix it, he pointed out signs that the monitor was a refurbished model and had already been repaired for this very issue. Funny, I thought, since I had ordered a new model. I then began to wonder how many other "new" parts had Dell sold me (at full price) that were in fact refurbished. Jerks. So, unable to really do anything productive with the box, we moved it and a set of speakers into the bedroom to serve as a music station. This worked really well with the Remote app on iPhones, because then there wasn't much need for a monitor at all. A few months later the power supply blew. And I mean, wow, there was ash inside the case. Really crazy. It was, essentially, the end of Strom.

So, here we are. Strombergast has been a champ, and was my best friend through many an emotial trial. I first talked to Makal on this computer (okay, "chatted with"). I edited the first naked photos of myself to be posted on the Internet, on this computer. I learned about things like Tor and file sharing and MMORPGs. And we had a good time, Strom and I.

But now it's time to move on.

Goodbye, dear Strombergast, Ultimate Killing Machine. You were my first computer love and you shall live on in my heart (also, I'm pulling your HD and anything else useful to stick in other boxes).

And in a few days, I'll introduce you to Cecilia. Once I've built her, of course.

100 Things that Are/Were True

2009-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

I'm doing some work today organizing files on my desktop. Poor Makal... he got this computer last year after tax returns, custom built all for himself, and then what happens? I fill it up with all my files, backing up my own comp so that I can do a clean wipe of it. Time passed, my computer died, and I continued to keep my own desktop profile on Makal's box. It's now a year later and I think my files are taking up more than my fair share of a computer that was never intended for my use...

So today I've been diving into some of those backup folders, dumping everything into new folders and assessing what's there. As per the usual with long-time computer users, I've not opened some of these folders since, oh, maybe two computers ago? Yeah.

Just now, I found a gem. Backups from my first blog. Pre-Blogger. Entirely hand coded, every post, every archive link, every inserted image. So cute, so fun. I miss doing business that way, but it's just not quite so practical anymore. ANYway, on to my point. One of the files I found was "100about.htm". This wasn't even a blog post... it was it's own seperate page of my site, it was so important. So I thought it'd be fun to take a break from the file organization and post this list, making comments along the way (I've not read it all yet so who knows how accurate it will be). Aaaand, here we go!

100 Things About Me (circa 2002ish)

1... i was born on leap day in the year 1984...

2... that makes me a pisces.

3... i can read your birthchart.

4... i love my special boy. (Ed. Eh, not so much anymore. At all. Ended that over three years ago. Very happy with my current special man though! ;)

5... i played the flute...

6... and i was in marching band.

7... i really like porn. (Ed. Still so very, very true...)

8... i interned at hot topic...

9... yet i worked at the gap.

10... then quit gap and worked seasonal at hot topic

11... i walk into walls (quite often). (Ed. Not so often anymore; I wonder why?)

12... i'm addicted to my computer.

13... i have lived in eugene, oregon, my entire life. (Ed. Except for the past 2.5 years I've lived in Portland, which is a way cooler city)

14... i love cats.

15... i believe.

16... i love shiny things.

17... i have a fetish for shiny red lipstick...

18... and vinyl. (Ed. When, a year or two later, my mom found this blog, she teased me mercilessly for this one.)

19... i am a bead enthusiast. (Ed. Meh.)

20... i watch reality tv.

21... i make jewelry out of beads. (Ed. And, like, a crapload of other stuff that is also way cooler.)

22... and i sew purses out of fabric remnants from walmart. (Ed. WOW I haven't made a purse in ages!)

23... i know the words to all the songs in "the nightmare before christmas".

24... i want to decorate my bedroom solely with a large tent (to sleep in).

25... i am a geek. or a nerd. or a spaz.

26... i rarely wear underwear. (Ed. Mom also took to asking me if I was wearing underwear... awkward.)

27... that rhymed. or rimed.

28... i am unsure of my long-term career goals.

29... i am a graphic design major at lane community. (Ed. Well, I was, until I dropped out due partly to lack of learning anything yet still being required to pay for attending.)

30... i am an excellent baker.

31... i have weak nails.

32... i am lactose intolerant.

33... i have many freckles.

34... i bruise easily.

35... i have a tattoo. (Ed. Two!)

36... i'm not good at math.

37... i like to use puff paint.

38... i was in fbla and deca during highschool.

39... i got 1100 on my s.a.t.'s

40... i used to occasionally pass out for no good reason. (Ed. Oh, apparently I still do this too. Grand.)

41... i'm a matrix afficianado.

42... i like to read the news online. (Ed. I stopped reading the news a few years ago.)

43... i don't like white walls.

44... i am happy with painted ceilings.

45... i was in daycare until i started 6th grade.

46... most people eventually annoy me.

47... i listen to insane clown posse. (Ed. HAHAHA yeah no.)

48... i've never been on a large roller coaster. (Ed. Been there, done that, have the ridiculously large soda jug.)

49... i've been bitten by several hobo spiders.

50... unless you've done this you have no idea how time-consuming it is.

51... if you've read this far, i appreciate your commitment.

52... i want to be a housewife when i grow up. (Ed. something I have more or less achieved in my current life)

53... i put dishes in the dishwasher without pre-washing them.

54... sometimes i forget to brush my hair.

55... the first rated-r movie i saw in theaters was "the blair witch project".

56... i like playing video games.

57... i generally don't finish them.

58... i wish my boobs were bigger. (Ed. Do I still think this? Eh. My boobs are pretty rad, I'd say. I wouldn't *mind* if they were bigger, but they are rather practical and aesthetic the way they are now.)

59... i want to build my own computer. (Ed. And I will FINALLY do this when Makal buys me all the components for my upcoming birthday! ^_^)

60... i can beat special boy at air hockey. (Ed. And I can probably beat you, too.)

61... the first time i played poker i won 5 times in a row.

62... i went to england, france, germany, austria, switzerland, leichenstein, and italy the summer of 2001...

63... in 16 days.

64... i've never had chicken pox.

65... i randomly shout "beans!", "banana!", or "chicken!" (Ed. I'd say this isn't true, but I did confuse the hell out of Makal when I briskly walked into the kitchen last night and said "I want a banana!")

66... i can't wait for the next "harry potter" book/movie to be released. (Ed. Honestly? I haven't read Book 7.)

67... i microwave peanut butter & jelly sandwhiches for 10 seconds. (Ed. Now a more mature person, I have learned that they are far better when toasted.)

68... i think bill gates shouldn't feel obligated to donate to charity.

69... i would adopt a child.

70... i like having the biggest amount of (computer) memory possible. (Ed. And then I like filling it with crap that I won't look at for the next three years...)

71... black looks good with anything.

72... i am a perfectionist.

73... i can be grouchy...

74... especially after i get my depo provera shot. (Ed. Yeah, that's fair. But I've not been on Depo since, oh, 2004?)

75... i wear pink and blue plastic-framed glasses. (Ed. My current frames are black metal)

76... i wish i were a size 6 again. (Ed. Aren't I?)

77... i've had poetry published.

78... i can't drive a car.

79... i took highschool spanish for two years.

80... my first pets were parakeets (pepper and whitey).

81... i knew a woman who was born in 1901...

82... who had a grip as strong as an ox until she died in february 2003.

83... i'm an old-skool trekker.

84... i get annoyed when i email someone and they don't write back. (Ed. I cannot stress how true this remains...)

85... i've only been in 4 relationships (counting current one). (Ed. Let's not talk numbers right now, baby.)

86... i wish i could play bass.

87... i want a laptop that's better than yours.

88... i never beat "myst".

89... i love the chicken dance.

90... i have ancestors from transylvania.

91... i can't manage time well.

92... i have bad joints.

93... i've never been fond of pigs...

94... except to eat. (Ed. BACON!!!)

95... i think it would be cool to try being a vegetarian/veagan. (Ed. NO! BACON!!!)

96... i pee with the bathroom door open if no one is home.

97... i don't care about nerve gas invading my lungs.

98... i want to go hiking.

99... "be happy for life, for it gives you the chance to work and love and to look up at the stars" (paul van dyke) is my fave quote.

100... i don't like typing up to 100. (Ed. I imagine this is still true, but I haven't tried.)

On Being a Receptionist

2009-01-22T11:19:00.001-08:00

or
Real Conversations are the Best Pretend Blog Posts

Me: ever had to submit a "less that 500 word self interview" instead of a resume?
Me: i am completely puzzled by the concept
tb: no, that's a new one, but i like it.
tb: that's hard.
tb: what are you applying for?
Me: it's a pt receptionist for a biz plan writing firm
Me: so i can understand the more open format
tb: you would make a hot receptionist
tb: if any of my ventures are ever big enough to hire a receptionist, you're so in
Me: lol, awesome

[Some time later...]

Me: you know, i don't think i'd ever actually looked at receptionist positions before today
Me: i'm kinda starting to wonder how that is
tb: i think it would be kind of fun. well, for a while.
Me: heh, yes
Me: as any job is
Me: i was a secretary for a while and the worst part was moreso the other secretaries
Me: rather than the work itself
Me: i've always wanted to be a PA but you usually need personal transport for that
tb: (nod)
tb: you could buy a motorcycle and be a motorcycle PA. that would be HAWT
Me: oh man, but then i'd have to learn how to ride a bicycle first
Me: and resumes alone are hard enough
Me: still, yes, HAWT
Me: and i could fulfill my fantasy of being the ultimate personal assistant/model/assassin/professional sexpert
Me: and all would be well with the world
tb: you should write a graphic novel about the ultimate PA/model/assassin/professional sexpert and make a milion $$$
Me: that would be awesome
Me: i would have the hugest lines for book signings at comic book shops
Me: i am adding this to the marketing section of my plot to take over the world
tb: sweet
tb: don't forget me when you do
Me: of course not!
Me: you can live in my evil lair and be my personal fencing instructor
Me: as an assassin, i will need one of those
Me: i will probably also need a receptionist.
Me: hmm...

My friends are very tolerant people. :)

Introducing: The Milwaukee Lunchbox, Talkie, and Terror

2009-01-08T15:54:00.001-08:00

Chatting with a friend right now, and he asks if I've ever had a drink called The Lunchbox (official name The Milwaukee Lunchbox). I haven't; he said it's "liquid sex". Anyone who knows me knows that I love actual lunchboxes, and have a small collection, so I was curious if this drink might be added to my lunchbox-y fun. He gives me the gist of it...

The Lunchbox is a drop shot (like an Irish Car Bomb). The pint gets orange juice, cranberry juice, and any generic beer (PBR, etc.). The drop is a shot of 151 with an amareto float. "3 of those and I'm cruisin," he says, "It tastes like generic Tampico brand punch."

He also told me of some variations...

The Milwaukee Talkie: instead of orange juice and beer, this drink uses Sparx, which has a 5.5% alcohol content.

For the "fucking terror" version of the Milwaukee Talkie, which I am officially dubbing The Milwaukee Terror, use Four Loko (same as a Sparx, but with 11% alcohol(!!!)) and Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade. "All alcoholic, and damned delicious."

My friends... stoners and alcoholics, the lot of them. I think I should count myself lucky that I no longer live in the same town as this guy, as I'm pretty sure hanging out with him would result in frequent alcohol poisoning and the general failure of my liver. I think I'll avoid the "terror" version at least until my liver is replaced with a bionic one. 2020 is going to be one hell of a New Year's party!

Sweet, Sweet Nekkids

2008-12-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Just a heads up to those of you who like your women pale, disheveled and bound...

Sent an email to Monk today linking him to my photographer's galleries of our scenes, shot this past summer right inside the TwistedMonk HQ. And wouldn't you know it, within an hour's time he had some teasers up on his blog! He's moving pretty fast for a frozen Seattlite, wouldn't you say? ;)

So, if you want to see some NSFW pics of me getting tied by one of the best rope tops out there, go to Monk's blog now! And comment about the pictures' lurvliness, so's he knows how much you want he and I to work together again...

I'd be posting this on my NM.com Updates blog... but apparently right now some things with Google's servers are all mucked up and everything I try to post to my own domain goes nowhere. :P Thank you, "java.net.ConnectException: Connection timed out" error! You ruined my first day back from vacation. I will never work with servers professionally, that's for damn fucking sure. They are the Spawn of Satan I tells ya! And an instant headache when things don't work right.

But don't think about that right now. Just go look at the bondage nekkids and ponder how totally hawt, awesome, and rawking the rest of the pics will get! ;)

The Current State of Affairs, Holiday Edition

2008-12-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

We've had snow here since December 14th, and more actually fell today (wee, snow on christmas day!). To have snow on the ground for two weeks straight... that is crazy. I don't think that's ever happened to me in the Willamette Valley.

But, I continue to love it. I think it's freaking awesome. I am determined to view it positively, rather than focus on all the bad consequences. Our local grocery store is running out of certain types of food because delivery trucks can't get here. Our area has been without bus service for a week, which is an issue when the nearest MAX line is 3 miles away. We canceled our train tickets to visit the hometown when we heard that Amtrak had been canceling routes as well... nevermind how we'd get to the train station. Oh, and the presents Makal and I ordered for eachother, using "last day for 3-day shipping", have been sitting in UPS warehouses for about a week.

On a lighter note, Makal and I have continued to marathon Doctor Who, Stargate SG-1, and an anime called Gankatsuou (very good, very visually trippy). We managed to stock up a good amount of food supplies and, since we haven't once lost electricity (knock on wood), we've been able to continue cooking said supplies into delicious wintry meals (and keep the heaters running). There is the most wicked lasagna in the oven right now, swollen with olives, mushrooms, spinach, cheeses, and MEAT, and we had amazing crepes for breakfast.

December 2008 has definitely been a month of hibernation for me, and for much of Portland I'm sure. I was hearing people complaining about being "done with" the snow on the very day it started falling. But given that I am already prone to secluding myself away in the wintry throws of hedonism, I really don't care. I have been happy as a clam inside my little snowed-in den, watching big white flakes fall and purify the ground with a clean white coat.

Also, we've been working our way through a good supply of alcohols, whilst sequestered: port, gin, rose sake, red wine, rum, scotch. Worry not; some of these bottles do remain unopened, for now... I'm really digging gin & tonics right now. Green limes, so festive.

Have a mentioned that the winter holidays are my favourite time for rampant hedonism?

There's a RISK: Lord of the Rings board ready for pieces behind me, and I think that lasagna is ready to come out of the oven. And my drink is almost gone. Merry christmas, y'all; see you on the other side of New Year's.

New PF Feed Flavour!

2008-12-01T13:09:00.000-08:00

My catchphrase for this morning is "Meep meep!" It's nearly 2p, so I know I've gone somewhere with the day, but damn if it doesn't feel like it could just as easily be 8a. I've got all the lights on, but the window blinds aren't open because people are walking back and forth doing some sort of construction work outside. And I spent an hour today tricking out my Firefox so that now it has a very dark theme that makes me feel oddly productive, perhaps because it reminds me of Lightroom. Mmm, fall.

Anyway, to the point! No, to the tea kettle, then to the point...

The point is: I've started publishing a new feed for Perfectly Flawed, and I thought one or two of you might be interested...

THE NEW Perfectly Flawed BASIC feed!

This new feed differs from the current, main feed in only one way: pictures. See, when I started using--I mean, really using--Flickr a while back, I saw that Feedburner gave you the option to attach an RSS of your photostream to a normal blog feed. Which I thought hey, cool! That is relevant to my interests.

As time has passed, I have ended up spending far more time on Flickr than I do in Blogger; my Flickr stream is practically a blog unto itself, and I'll admit, it is updated FAR more frequently than any of my others blogs are. Between recently obtaining an iPhone, and getting off my ass and uploading modeling shots from over the past year, my use of the site has jumped up and I can end up posting 20 or more (potentially crap) shots on a given day. Which can be cool, if you really like pictures of Portland's sky line at dusk (I do), or if you like my un-"Moderate" modeling work that gets posted.

But see, that's the thing: part of the reason I wanted to attach my pictures to this feed was to correlate with naughtymerrick.com, yet I have totally branched that off into its own blog and feed. And as it is, only images that I've set as "safe" get published in my feed, so the self-moderated nekkid shots don't make it to your feed reader... just all the "boring" work-safe pictures I and others take. I still feel like my activity on Flickr is an important part of my online presence, moreso now than ever, yet I don't like feeling like I've assaulted all my lovely subscribers with those pictures innundating the feeds as I group edit them as "safe for work".

Last month, I finally launched a new domain: MerrickMonroe.com. The purpose of the domain is to end up as more of a catch-all for my online presence, with the sexy stuff holding its own at NaughtyMerrick.com. And--if you go and visit the new, mostly SFW site right now, which you really really should--you'll begin to understand why I had a need for a feed of PF that didn't import Flickr activity. Just the words, plain as day thankyouverymuch. And since I am a generous fellow, and feel the pain of blogs with wild feeds, I'm making sure you know about this basic feed, too.

So now you knowThat is, if you don't like seeing my fancy iPhone pictures and random bits of modeling. If you do then I totally invite you to stay on the current feed, cuz this puppy's not changing one bit.

Monopoly is a Great Metaphor for the Economy

2008-11-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

Here we all are, a week later. America seems to still be high on the news that we elected Barack Obama as our 44th president, and really, can you blame us? I mean, puppies are awesome.

And I realized this morning why it is I can still hear a news article on recent events and go "Wee, Obama!" in squealing girlish glee: Obama didn't "win". Not in any way we're used to. Anymore, America seems to equate winning with playing a game.

Last night, Makal and I played a round of classic Monopoly. Within a few passes of GO, I had bought all four railroads, one utility and a handful of assorted properties. And not only did Makal begin landing on my properties right away, but he almost always landed on my railroads shortly after passing go. And when someone owns all four railroads, that's $200 in "rent"... which is also the amount you get for passing GO. So he wasn't making any money--it was all going to be--and to add insult to injury he started landing himself in jail with startling frequency. In the meantime, I kept circling the board and buying up properties.

We very quickly established that this particular game of Monopoly was not unlike the separation between the upper and lower classes of America. Makal went to jail for no reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time, was forced to pay exhorbitant amounts for transportation, and owned very little in terms of property. Whereas I, because of my early lead, got to skate around the board easily and had fat stacks of cash. It was an extremely one-sided match. Nevermind the fact that I was also the banker, and could easily have been pulling 10s out when Makal wasn't looking... ;D (Sound familiar to anyone?)

I bought houses to attach to properties not because I needed to, but just to get Makal's money all the faster. It's not like I had anything else to do with my money. I happily took property cards as rent payment instead of cash. When Makal landed on the Luxury Tax square, he cried out, "Why am I the one that has to pay a luxury tax?!" It was true; there was nothing luxurious about his experience, especially since I was the one benefiting from his misfortune. We ended the game with $830 and $15 in cash, respectively.

You probably think I got sidetracked from my original point, but hear me out. That extremely one-sided game of Monopoly is exactly the sort of "winning" that America is used to. It may not be a game to us, the lower and middle classes, but it sure as hell seems to be a game to "them". And when looking at the election results in 2000 and 2004, those were a type of win that we sure weren't used to. Thusly, our interpretation of the word became corrupted over time.

Throughout this election, I have feared not that Obama would lose, but that other campaigns would resort to dirty tricks, back-alley deals, and the general sort of upper-class player advantages we've come to expect from politicians. I was afraid of the game. And while we can rest assured that yeah, the other campaigns sure as hell tried their hand at some deceptive dice rolling, the magic here is that Obama was not playing their game. You can't cheat to win a game if you're the only one playing. And though I feel like Obama was not playing their game, I think he was still out to win.

Win, verb: 1. To achieve victory or finish first in a competition; 2. To achieve success in an effort or venture.

By not playing the game, he elevated himself above it. Obama was running for president, not winner of Monopoly. This wasn't some playground game of keep-away. And as the people, we could sense this. We would listen to this man speak, and the eloquency of his presentation would knock us upside the head. Screw the game, this was a man we weren't used to. A real politician. A real chance for America to be America. It may seem to the world that our country had gone mute, but we quickly saw the reality of the situation before us. We could see our president.

It's been a wonderfully refreshing thing to see someone of President-elect Obama's caliber run such an honest, open campaign and have it end in victory. And we remain excited not just because of the changes he will make, but also because of the change he has already affected. America will not be tolerating the old campaign behaviours in our future presidential elections, we won't take the same degree of dealings that occur beyond the public's eye. It truly is a new America, and we couldn't be happier to live here.

Did you know we're having a bazaar?

2008-11-05T12:36:00.001-08:00

As I approached our local grocery store, I noticed something terrifying: the columns outside were bedecked with swathes of evergreen, and just inside the door stood a 9-foot, expertly tied Noble fir (possibly even Grand), fresh from the ranch. Elves--I mean, store clerks were busy arranging fruit displays, dusting the rafters, and rearranging POS displays. (That means "point of sale", though with grocery stores, it could also mean "piece of shit".) My dear consumer whores, christmas is upon us.

Then, at checkout...
me: "So are you guys going to be playing christmas music soon as well?"
clerk: "No, this is all for the store inspection tomorrow and then the holiday bazaar on Thursday.
me: "Thursday next week, or tomorrow?"
clerk: "No the store inspection is tomorrow and the bazaar in next thursday. So we're getting ready for both those things and decorating"
me: "It seems like christmas decorations come out earlier every year."
clerk: "Well we always decorate for the holiday bazaar it's just that with the inspection tomorrow we're doing it all now. For both of them."
me: "Right, makes sense. Too bad nobody ever decorates for thanksgiving."
clerk: "Yeah we use it for the holiday bazaar mainly. What else can you really decorate with though right?"
me: "Umm, autumn leaves?"
clerk: "Ha, right but nobody enjoys that. And we always use christmas stuff for the holiday bazaar, obviously."
me: "Of course. Thanks..."

Not entirely sure what was getting to me more: the fact that the grocery store was waiting til the day before to clean for their inspection, or the fact that this woman couldn't stop mentioning decorating for the holiday bazaar. I guess when you're a grocery clerk you really don't have many topics for small talk with customers (especially not on a day like today...).

And oh, did you hear? The local grocery store is having their annual holiday bazaar next Thursday! I do believe it is bedecked in christmas decorations...

Over the Hurdle

2008-11-04T14:17:00.000-08:00

"Excuse me while I go HIVE FIVE EVERYTHING" - @JephJacques, Twitter

"Just as I was saying I was afraid to believe it, the screaming started. Outside, on Santa Monica boulevard, right in the heart of boystown, people were cheering and car horns were going off in the most beautiful cacophony I’ve ever heard. Mom and I stepped outside to absorb it all, along with the cold night air. She turned to me in all that wind and noise to say: “Do you believe it now?”. I almost began to cry." - Zoetica Ebb, Coilhouse: A Squeal of Joy in the Night

"I expect to see a surge in childbirth around August 4, 2009." - @Badmanbadplace, Twitter

"The jury is far, far out on Barack Obama. He is un-tested, un-tried. Yet I cannot recall a man I've seen take office, since I first became aware of politics in 1972, about whom I've felt a greater sense of hope. He has an advantage no one since Ford has had; that is, following a leader universally reviled. But unlike Ford, who fell into leadership, Obama was chosen by a significant majority." - Karl Elvis, A Dark Age Nears Its End

I am, most definitely, a happy girl today. I slept like a freaking baby last night, and like many Americans today I feel like a great weight has been lifted. Mainly because I know that now I don't have to go out into the streets to wage protest against a system gone terribly wrong. Frankly I think I'd rather have a zombie apocalypse than face a new day where McCain was President-elect, because I could at least feel a glimmer of hope in the event of zombies.

Makal and I watched election coverage live online last night, at one point dual-weilding both CBS Live online (so sue me, I like Katie Couric's banter) and (muted) FOX news on the television set. We turned the latter off once they started airing the footer that the McCain campaign had just given FOX word that there was no way they could win--anything after that would have just been grumpy Faux news reporters. But we watched and we fidgeted nervously, we took shots of sake whenever something seemed worthy of a shot ("Red state turned blue!" "they talked about change!" "woo Obama!!!" etc.) until we ran out of sake. Mostly we stared with apprehensive awe as we watched history unfold. For our generation, the 2008 elections are on par with the 9/11 tragedy as far as history goes, but today is a far happier day than 7 years ago.

To which I just have to say: Worst. Eight years. Ever.

It wasn't exactly surprising that Obama swept the polls... what I was more worried about is some plot twist, some loop hole brought about by Bush or Big Brother or McCain that kept America from realizing its victory. I guess it's still not too late for that. Paranoid much? Quite, yes; like I said, I really didn't feel up to rioting in the streets today. But as Karl said in his post, we're not there yet. We can't just relax and go back to our daily blissful ignorance and not continue with as much fevered energy as was needed to get this deal sealed.

Now is when the real work starts, for both President-elect Obama and for the citizens of America. Now we have to make sure that we make it easier for Obama to affect the changes he so eloquently preached--and the changes we want to see ourselves. And we have to make sure that 2012 sees as much of a turnout as this year's historic election.

Are politics "cool" again now? In the face of social networks, live Internet news, and grassroots campaigning, will the White House evolve into White House 2.0? Either way one thing is sure: America is not going to simply "change". America is set to revolutionize itself and the world we live in today. I can't wait.

Evil Plan (tm)!

2008-10-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Sadistic pleasure

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a scientist. This will cause the world to whisper among themselves, unsettled by your arrival. Who is this sadistic fiend? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must seize control of the internet. This will all be done from a obsidian citadel, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countless hordes of computer programmers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must unleash your secret death ray, bringing about something that's really metal. Your name shall become synonymous with sheer dementedness, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to worship the ground you walk on.

(Courtesy of the convenient Evil Plan guide at Darksites.com)

It's a Quickie

2008-10-23T21:51:00.001-07:00

I just got home from an evening downtown with Makal... he's got a new work schedule that is 7a-3p instead of 9a-5p, so it allows us a LOT more time to hang out while the Sun's still up and do cool things like go downtown. The annoying thing about downtown Portland is that everything seems to close up shop around 7p. Why?! I thought Ptown was a hip place for cool cats to chill? But the clock chimes seven times and everyone is outta there. Anyway.

We went downtown to hit up some thrift stores to find me a new winter coat; recently parted (unknowingly/unwillingly) from my leather coat, I needed something that would keep me warm and moderately dry. And Tuesday's forray to the local Goodwill had no results, so downtown we went. Thankfully, Red Light didn't close 'til 8p, and Buffalo Exchange 9p, so even though we didn't get down there until 6p we still had plenty of time to peruse the racks.

Strangely, Red Light at this time of year seems to present nothing but all the particularly kitschy, tacky, and garish items they collect over the year--either they think everyone wants to dress like a hideous pimped-out 70's sofa for Halloween or they think particularly unique-minded fashionistas are willing to wait all year to restock their wardrobe in one shot. I dunno. So that place had pretty much nothing in the way of reasonable outerwear. But they are now right next to Buffalo Exchange, so we just turned the corner and started browsing there.

Within minutes, I'd honed in on the rack on the back wall that houses some of the longer dresses and coats. And while I did find not one but two lovely coats... I'm not going to tell you about them yet! Hehe. I'll wait until tomorrow to do that, when I can take pictures of them. Because really, you just have to see them to really appreciate how fabulous they are. ;)

And speaking of fabulous, I find myself finally getting to the point of this post. Yes, my intent was not to talk about my evening--lovely as it was--but to tell you about the blog of a friend of mine. You'll find him on Flickr or Model Mayhem under the unassuming pseudonym "ninjaphoto", but I tend to just call him Kenji-san. He's a very cool guy and a great photographer (even though he'd probably tell you he's just an amateur), and he recently started blogging some of his photo exploits.

I think to tell you this now because he messaged me tonight with the news that he'd just posted some of the pics from our first shoot together, which I think was at the beginning of the year. So, go check out some artistic NSFW pics of me (and subscribe to his RSS feed) then head on over to his Flickr photostream for more of his work with some of Portland's finest, most unique and fun models. Go Kenji-san, blog away! :D

Now I'm going to bed, because when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning to make a nutritious breakfast and see your man off to work, 10p feels awfully late.

I think Ms. Spears is mayhap mistreating the MEN...

2008-10-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

I just watched the new Britney Spears video, "Womanizer". I felt it played out like a musical episode of Alias. Except ofttimes there's a reason Sydney is seducing those men, and it's usually not so she can repeatedly tell them they mistreat women, in a slightly synthesized voice*.

The thing is, I don't really know why this guy is a womanizer. I do know that he wears a nice suit and he works in an office. He has updated communication gadgetry and enjoys a night out at the club with his friends. But for most of the video, Spears seems to be picking on him because he checked out another woman... who just so happens to be Britney Spears herself in yet another Alias getup. I guess what we're suppose to infer is that by the well-off, schedule-minded life this guy leads, he's obviously using women for his own personal satisfaction. You know; he's got one at home to cook square eggs for him, one at work to make his blurry photocopies, one at the restaurant to serve him mixed drinks, and one at the club to hold his place in the restroom line (wait what?!). Obviously the dude's a huge douchebag. NEVERmind the fact that there's some psycho chick following him around, wearing all sorts of crazy costumes and luring him into these scandalous situations. Boy don't try to front indeed.

You want to see a womanizer in action? Try the first 15 minutes of Nip/Tuck season one episode one. THAT, my friends, is a womanizer. It's also a great 15 minutes of television.

I'm going to have to say no thanks to this new attempt from the Spears camp. If I wanted to see hot office chicks performing coordinated dance routines, I'd watch the Fedde le Grand/Camille Jones "The Creeps" video and be far more satisfied for my 2.5 minutes. And then I'd go watch that 15 minutes of Nip/Tuck again. Because I can.

*Was there an "android Sydney" that I missed? Because I would seriously enjoy watching that. Hmm... in the meantime, here's a link to a huge scrolling gallery of some of the best costume designs in Alias for the first four seasons [clickety click]. Enjoy!

This is My "Lately"

2008-10-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

Why hello there! It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, yes, I have been a little preoccupied with things. I have this new jewelry line that I've been trying to get off the ground before the holiday season really sets in... and yaknow, after being a jewelry designer for over 6 years it's still difficult to define a collection well enough that it can just "flow". Oh, and I've been actually getting out of the house more, which is always a good thing. Finally reconnected with a friend from my life in Eugene, and she just so happens to be yet another friend who lives on the complete opposite side of town. (I guess we know where we'll be moving, once we get around to it...) Plus I think I spent a week straight playing Pharaoh. I don't care that the game is almost 10 years old, it's still wonderfully addictive and damn if I don't always take longer to complete my city missions as I should! But look, aren't all the parks and statues nice?! Uh huh.

But the real reason I've not been writing here is because every time I think "I should write about this on PF", the "this" tends to be something of an angst-based nature. Not on a nerd-rage level mind you, but enough so that if I actually got into what I was writing/ranting/venting about, I'd end up with high blood pressure for the rest of the day. And we don't want that. I'm not an "angry" person, per say, but damn if there aren't a lot of things in the world right now that are striving to piss me the fuck off.

Hey, you know what? Here's a list. If you've been reading this blog long enough, I'm sure you'll have no issue imagining the rant I would post about the following subjects. And imagination is the key to success!

Things that Piss Merrick the Fuck Off (in no particular order):
- iTunes perpetually updating software, which sometimes won't sync iPhones correctly
- unemployed photographers who say they'll take a month to get you your photos, then three months later get a new job that takes up all their time (i.e. still no edited photos)
- people who don't return voice mails, texts, or myspace messages, then months later blame it all on their disconnected phone line
- cats who are so fat they upturn the litter box, spilling the contents (yes I'm looking at you Jack)
- cats who eat the fucking crystal cat litter (YES, I'm looking at YOU Jack!)
- apartment managers who take no responsibility for the insidious black mold growing behind your sweaty toilet tank
- fucking insurance agents who practice "standard protocol" no one else has ever experienced
- store buyers who say they want x-much product, then tell you they can't buy anything until (maybe) late October
- sellers who say they will have product for you on Friday, then that evening turn off their phone after the second time you call to inquire as to the location of your purchase
- perpetual road construction in downtown Portland--spiced with the occasional marathon--messing up the bus routes
- the utter LACK of bus routes at certain times of the day
- vain, gossipy, hypocritical people who never change, yet talk about all the other people that should change themselves for the sake of the friendship
- parties that are always the same people, the same booze, and the same boozed up people playing video games
- using gaming consoles or new partners as excuses to not fulfill obligations
- fucking undecided voters! What the fuck is wrong with you people?!
- people who insist that their way is the "right" way
- the inability to accept the evolution of culture as aspects become more/less relevant
- Google Docs retaining invisible formatting when pasting text from an actual desktop-app doc
- service providers who take days to respond to your request for help, and are still silently "working on the issue" two weeks later
- needing to wait for other people before you can move forward

There you go. Obviously, I've been a little frustrated lately. Nothing catastrophic or devastating, I've just been easily annoyed I guess. It happens, and I've been trying to not let it get to me (hence the lack of writing here, like I said). And it's not like everything's been rain clouds and brussel sprouts; yesterday Makal surprised me with tickets to see Lykke Li at the Doug Fir at the end of the month. Awesome! I kind of fell in love with her music instantly after I watched her video for "Little Bit" and couldn't get it out of my head, downloading the entire "Youth Novel" album the next day. So hey, that live is definitely a good thing and something to look forward to.

See? I'm not *really* all full of angst. ;) I'll probably start blogging about mundane things like my favourite fall/winter foods, and the silly thing our budgies do, soon enough. After my jewelry biz is a little more stable, after I don't have an overwhelming urge to yell at people for not understanding the importance of keeping Mc~~Bush~~Cain out of the White House, etc. etc. Until then, watch this Lykke Li video, bring out your fashionable autumn layers, and register to vote.

The World Speculates: Who Will the Next Villain(s) Be?

2008-09-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, news hit Reddit, by way of MTV, that Philip Seymour Hoffman is (supposedly) slated to play The Penguin in the next installment of Christopher Nolan's "Dark Knight" Batman movie series. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that.

I IMed Makal after reading the MTV article, to see what he thought. He responded that he didn't like the Penguin as a villain--though honestly I think he was saying this based off Nolan's being quoted, once upon a time, that the Penguin was an unbelievable character in a realistic world, and that he'd never use him in a movie. Makal also said that he doesn't like the idea of Nolan being forced to use a character he doesn't like (which is fair), and that he'd much rather see Catwoman.

Ah, Catwoman. Everyone's been ga-ga over "who will the next villain(s) be?!?!" since it was officially announced that WB, Nolan and crew are working on the next movie. Hell, my friends and I were talking about it in the neon-lit hallway just after seeing the movie opening day. Catwoman is an obvious favourite, so much so that big names like Angelina Jolie are vying for the role, with an enthusiastic "pick me! pick me!" attitude.

And that's great; Catwoman really deserves to have her good-girl-gone-bad name revived after the Halle Berry debacle. But pardon me for saying so, Angelina, I just don't know that you're right for the role--and as is, I'm not sure movie studios are ready to revisit the character just yet. You all know I am a little biased; Michelle Pfeiffer's catwoman was a coming-of-age experience for me and my vinyl fetishism, but I'm not going to say that she was the end-all of Catwoman actresses. No, there's always room for improvement and adaptation. But I think Jolie, as an actress, is just too strong to play Catwoman. The character comes from a humble beginning, meek and beaten down by the men in this world, and Jolie really is just a little too confident and headstrong for that. And, dare I say it? A little too built like a classic comic book female. I think the best Catwoman is a scrawny, emaciated alley cat of a villain, if we're talking "realistic" portrayals--which is what Nolan is all about.

It was even rumored/discussed for a short time that, if Catwoman did make her comeback in the next movie, it might be Rachel Dawes herself, Maggie Gyllenhaal, to play the feline anti-heroine. To which I say: BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. Sorry, was that a big strong-handed? In all seriousness, hell no Rachel Dawes cannot magically resurrect as Catwoman. Just... just NO god dammit. SO MUCH WRONG. I'm all for Nolan putting his own spin on the characters and the Gotham universe, but that would completely change Catwoman's background in a way I am just never going to be okay with. Yeah I know she'd be hot in the catsuit, but it's sheer and utter blasphemy, and may we never speak of it again. There is, however, another great villain whom Gyllenhaal's Dawes is primed to play, which I'll get to in a moment.

But back to the MTV article at hand. My favourite excerpt from the article is this exchange between Michael Caine and the interviewer:

“I was with [a Warner Bros.] executive and I said, ‘Are we going to make another one?’ They said yeah. I said, ‘How the hell are we going to top Heath? And he says ‘I’ll tell you how you top Heath — Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.’ I said, ‘S–t, they’ve done it again!’”

Now, yes, I realize that Nolan has said he does not want to use the Penguin. I am amused that no one seems to dispute how great it would be to see Depp as The Riddler, because yeah, that would totally fucking rock. Bring it on! But PSH as The Penguin, you say? Now that I could actually get behind. And here's why...

If Nolan is intent on portraying Batman and the Gotham villains in a realistic manner--normal people who are just crazy, and who happen to have a nice wardrobe designer on hand--then there is no reason he could not give us a Penguin unlike any we've seen. Frankly I was never fond of Danny De Vito's Penguin in "Batman Returns", he was just gross and, having grown up with the animated series and later some of the comics, I prefer my Penguins with a little more class and less festering or nose-biting-off. I think PSH would do a great job as The Penguin in this regard: we know he can be terrifyingly creepy while seeming unimposing, as seen in Capote, and we know he looks slick in a suit.

I think The Riddler and The Penguin would work really well together as criminal allies. I can picture it now, a Gotham wrought with crime and uncertainty, still reeling in the wake of The Joker's spree of mayhem. His clown possies are still about, being mischievious hooligans and trying to continue the anarchy in honor of their lost boss. In comes The Penguin, with his smooth business talk, bringing some sort of mafia undertone to it all. One of the things I did like about Tim Burton's Penguin in Returns was the creepy carnival that went along with him, and I'd love to see that brought back, under Nolan's guiding hand. We've got the clowns, we just need a ringmaster. PSH as The Penguin could do that.

Now, about Gyllenhaal... we know she signed a contract for two movies, so what will we see of Dawes in the next movie? Could be flashbacks... could be. Or maybe we'll see a villain people just aren't expecting, now that The Joker is out of the picture... someone we think would only work, as a villain, when paired with The Joker. Yes, my lovelies, I'm talking Harley Quinn. Go ahead, think about that for a minute. Think about it for five minutes. You thought she'd look good in a catsuit, yes? Why not take a post-traumatic stressed Dawes, toss in a concussion and possible amnesia, and throw in a fair bit of anger that her beloved Batman didn't save her. Maybe the Joker didn't really try to kill her, maybe he did, but the event would surely be enough to shock poor Dawes into some serious insane-villaine headspace.

And and and maybe they (Nolan & co.) could make a fourth movie, and Angelina Jolie could play the very headstrong and vivaciously-built villain, Poison Ivy! And then we could have Harley Quinne and Poison Ivy and oh... yes, much delicious movie-viewage would ensue. At least, that's my fantasy...

Note to comic book nerds: I realize that there is an established history of Quinn originating as Harleen Quinzel, a psychologist at Arkham. But I don't feel it would be terribly harmful to the plot or character to evolve Dawes into Quinn; after all, the former does have a criminal law background and has interacted with The Joker on several occasions, and they already have that sado-masochistic relationship established, what with the blowing up and all. I'm just speculating here; but do consider it, yaknow?

Luella's Bat Mask - Uncovered!

2008-08-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

Back in June I posted a sordid tale of how Claudia Schiffer broke my toe... okay well not directly, but by proxy I really do put the blame squarely on her. Not that it's her fault; models don't mean to make people hurt themselves for the sake of art and fashion, right? Right, of course not. Anyway.

So the other day, maybe even last week at this point, I was scrolling through my NotCouture feed as a distraction from something (couture-ish fashion blogs are one of my guilty RSS indulgences). And I came across this blurb of a 12-year old fashion blogger named Tavi. The pic included in that post is just awesome and totally drew me in--I might even "take inspiration" from it at some point--so I clicked through to the girl's blog site.

Since most of my enjoyment from fashion blogs comes from looking at the pretty pictures, I scrolled through the page quickly looking for things that caught my eye. It was kind of the "interview" process I go through with blogs, when deciding whether or not I will subscribe to them. So there I was, scrolling scrolling scrolling, and then I saw it. Picture 11 in her post from August 4th. It was... the mask.

The same mask that I was lusting over when I first spotted it on Claudia Schiffer, that I eventually spotted again being worn by model Milagros Schmoll (image above left). So at that point I was kinda like, holy crap, I've got to figure out who is making this mask! It was practically haunting me. (Of course I never really pursued that.) So when I saw Tavi's post, linking to the Elle UK accessories report, I was just like, damn, I've finally done it. Or something equally dramatic sounding yet not actually dramatic.

So, the mask. The Mask. I was really disappointed to learn that it is called a "bat mask", but bat it is, and it's made by Linda Farrow Vintage for Luella. Bat mask? Seriously? Okay well whatever, just because they designed this piece of awesome doesn't mean they know what they're talking about. But really, how can you not link the Luella mask directly with Lee Meriwether's Catwoman from the original series? Perhaps I'm just particularly fond of Catwoman...

Well, anyway, I discovered where the mask came from, and now you know too. BTW, it costs £200, which right now equals about $372. Shiiiiiit... with inflation like that, you might just see me putting this up on Etsy, made to order. If I had an Etsy store. Maybe I should make one, and this could be one of my first listings. Besides, mine is hand-made out of record vinyl, and that is inherently cooler than any mold-injected plastic couture thingy, right? Of course it is.

It Has Been a Crazy Week (2 of 2)

2008-08-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Oops, it would appear that I got distracted there and disappeared over the weekend. Actually I seem quite easily distracted lately; wonder if something happened that could have scrambled my brain a little? Oh, wait...

When last we left our nerdy orator, Makal and I had just put 600 miles on the mototcycle Bucephalus, mainly on our trip to/from Seattle to celebrate Monk's birthday. Back in Portland on Monday, we spent the evening unwinding with a bottle of rose brut, some fresh strawberries, Oreos, and the movie Doomsday, which would have been good to watch before the trip but was still surprisingly fun. (We would actually buy this movie on DVD, if that tells you anything...) Which brings us to Tuesday...

Tuesday I had a shoot with a photographer I'd not worked with before, but had been trying to schedule with for months. I was suppose to shoot with him the week before, but thought I might have been suffering from a fractured rib and opted for a doctor's visit instead (turns out it was just a rib contusion... not like that made it feel any better). I've been feeling bad because it's like I've been avoiding working with him, which is entirely not the case. Something just always comes up. Life is like that sometimes. But, yay, the shoot finally rolls around and we had a lot of fun with it; I eagerly await what should be some excellent additions to my portfolio. :D

After the shoot I met up with Makal on his bike, and we were going to head off to dinner with a few friends. As I'm about to get on the bike, Makal goes "Hey look!" and I followed to what he was pointing to: the odometer on Buce was at 666. Hey, 666 on Bucephalus! You should take a picture, I said. He did, and then we took off down the road to dinner.

Two miles later...

There are some fabulous people in the 30th and Holgate neighborhood of Portland. Hell, even the people passing through it are super nice. What happened is this: a red Matrix cut us off on a turn, and Makal's options were to lay the bike down, or hit the back of the car, the latter of which would likely have sent me flying over the car. Not good. So he opted for the former, and we skidded on our sides, with the bike, for a good 10 feet or so. The driver of the red Matrix, who had slowed down after cutting us off (aren't assholes suppose to drive fast?!) lingered long enough to see us go down and then speed up along whatever super-important route they were undertaking. Given that we were busy making friends with the asphalt, no police officer sir, we did not get their license.

We learned that in winter, that corner is infamous for accidents; at least one a week. Anymore it's like the people are all self-trained on what to do in the event of a car accident--hell, one of the women that came out to help us was a nurse! There were a couple of guys next to us before Makal even got out from under the bike, and they helped him hobble over to the curb to lay down as I tried to coordinate some things around him/us. Such as retrieving his engineer boot from its place wedged under the shifter. :P A couple of guys helped us right the bike and maneuver it out of the road while another woman called for an ambulance (and eventually, another wonderful woman would offer for us to store the bike in her garage until we could pick it up--one of the nicest strangers I've ever met).

Within minutes there was a firetruck, an ambulance, and a police car on the scene. Sadly there really wasn't much I could tell the police, given that Makal's helmet had obscurred most of my view of the event. A couple of dirty hippie/punk type kids (kids! ha, they were probably older than me) came up from their bus stop down the road and gave their report to the police, though they hadn't caught the license plate either. The firemen left pretty quickly because there really wasn't any reason for them to be there (but it was nice of them to show up nonetheless). The ambulance dudes--because yeah, they were that cool--thought Makal's chaps were the most amazing thing, with how you could unzip them and remove them all while laying down! To be fair, no emergency response person looks forward to whatever awaits them when they hear "motorcycle" from the dispatch... rarely does that turn out well.

Luckily for us, we left the incident rather intact. Since we were both wearing appropriate gear, we were fairly well protected from the asphalt, though no amount of leather could protect us from blunt-force trauma. Makal laid the bike down on its left side, thus most of the bruising and injury is on our lefts as well. I think Makal got out of it pretty good; the only one of us actually admitted to the ER, and he hobbled out about four hours later with a sore knee, sprained ankle, and prescription for painkillers. I hobbled out too, not because of any sprain or "serious" injury, but because I hit the back of my thigh on something (back peg? turn single? dunno) and the muscle was just being a total bitch about it. Not to be TMI but the first time I sat down on a toilet to take a piss I jumped right back up again, for the worst of this set of bruises is right on that portion of the leg that contacts seat edges when you sit down. I think I spent about four days in "hover mode", if you know what I mean.

Now it's nearly a week later, and I continue to think that we're doing pretty well, despite the sore sack of whiners we come across as. The bike and all our gear is in the shop waiting for insurance adjusters to inspect it, then we'll have 24-hour turnaround on the bike repairs once they can touch it. Not that it matters much; Makal can't do much shifting with his sprained ankle, and I don't think I'd enjoy sitting on that seat right yet... not until these bruises lighten up a bit. But yeah, as far as motorcycle accidents go we are pretty lucky. As several of the motorcycle enthusiasts in my circle of friends has said, there are only two types of motorcyclists: those who've gone down, and those that haven't gone down yet. I'm really glad Makal is such a good driver and managed to (mostly) maneuver us out of a bad situation.

There is a silver lining to the event: I have several momentous bruises--I mean, serious trophy-winners--that I can now take advantage of and exploit for the sake of all those who find bruises sexy (you don't think that's weird or anything, do you? ;). Here's how my bruise was looking two days after the accident (labelled "NSFW" due to arseness and boobies): [Paint me with a rainbow of pain]; and here is a pic that I shot today, almost a week later (also NSFW): [Fishnets 'n' Bruises (preview)].

Oh, the kicker about the whole evening is that I was wearing some really elaborate, "conceptual" makeup throughout. I mean, I was going from a shoot to dinner with friends, who all know what I do, so they'd probably just be like "Oh yeah, there's that Merrick again looking all crazy for some photoshoot". But uh, policemen and hospital workers had no context for my extreme makeup, so I got some mighty strange/surprised looks from people. Heh.

Okay, now here's my mini-rant on the experience: why in fucking hell would ANY of you EVER ride a bike without the appropriate gear?! I mean, sure, there are those riders who have been on a bike most of their life, they know what they're doing and are willing to risk their hide to do it. I'm cool with them, because ya gotta earn the cred to pull of self-endangering feats like that. Whatev. But what I'm totally not Not NOT okay with is all the people I see riding with obviously useless helmets, wearing flowing button-up tops over their nice tshirts, paired well with their khaki shorts and white sneakers. My question to those "organ doners" is What the fuck do you think you're doing with that much horsepower and money between your legs? Because it's those people that I see whizzing through parking lots and 5 o'clock traffic, seemingly powered merely on their own belief that they are "more aware" on a motorcycle and can avoid any accidents. Well DER, they're called "accidents" because you don't expect them; just because you as even a trained motorcyclist ARE aware of what's around doesn't mean the four cars boxing you in are too. You just don't take chances with that shit. You certainly don't take those chances with your girlfriend on the back, okay? I mean, seriously people. Even if you can't afford much, a good set of gear (eye protection, boots, gloves, pants/chaps, coat, and preferrably a DOT approved helmet too) should be factored into the cost of getting your bike to begin with. You just won't like the outcome otherwise, because life is not like the movie Torque and you don't get to travel 200-odd MPH without goggles. Seriously, it just doesn't work.

It Has Been a Crazy Week (1 of 2)

2008-08-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

This has perhaps been one of my craziest, most random weeks ever. EVAR. And I do mean that. God, I am so freaking tired. Maybe it's the Vicodin.

It all started last Saturday. Saturday night, you see, was the big post-apocalypse themed play party in Seattle, held in honor of Twisted Monk's (the business) 5th anniversary, and in celebration of Twisted Monk's (the man) birthday. So, Makal and I packed our backpack full of essentials--the buffalo leather bikini I made, a chainmail shirt for him, rain gear, etc.--and hopped on the bike. Oh, have I not mentioned the bike? Well, subscribers to this blog should know about it by now: a 2008 Honda Shadow Spirit, which Makal named Bucephalus. I call her Buce for short. So, we donned all our motorcycle leathers, hoisted the fairly heavy bag onto my bike, and set off up I-5.

On the way to Seattle, we had to stop in Olympia, which is where our car was. Oh, have I not mentioned that either? Yeah, well... on the way home from our last trip to Seattle a few weeks back (you might recall why we were there) our car died. It just up and stopped running as we were pulling into a rest stop; we hadn't even parked yet. Apparently something broke and something else blew a cap and all sorts of fluids got into all the wrong places. Car guys call that a "catastrophic engine failure". The estimate to repair it was ~$11k aaand... yeah, who has that kind of money? So we had to go back to Olympia, Seattle party or no, to sell the car for parts to a mechanic who specializes in Saabs. Except when we showed up at the shop on Saturday, he wasn't there. Nobody was there. We were obviously going to have to meet with him on Monday, meaning an extra night in Seattle and a day of missed work. As there was nothing we could do about that, on to Seattle we went.

Upon arriving at the hotel, a cheap affair across from the airport, we entered the office and spent 10 minutes with our eyes wide open in shock as the receptionist/clerk/what-have-you guy was on the phone with tech support. It was the goddamned computer software, you see, that those guys made him use. He kept having to log in whenever he tried to do something and he didn't have the goddamned time to talk to tech support because he had customers standing there trying to check in. And yes they were standing right there while he was on the phone, but he couldn't do a fucking thing about it because of the goddamned software and he wanted the customers to know how pissed off he was that their software was so fucking hard to use. Oh. Em. Gee. So glad I didn't see any children in the vicinity; even I was offended by his colourful language (but then, in cases of old farts at run down motels, I tend to side with the technology). As I said, most surreal check-in evar.

So, there we are in Seattle. Makal was exhausted from not sleeping well the night before, so he napped while I finished stitching the lace onto my outfit and did my makeup. We had a fabulous time at Monk's party, watching people play and enjoying the opportunity to socialize with fellow kinksters. I was out of commission for the evening as I continued to recover from a rib contusion, which was kinda lame. But there was no shortage of interesting corners of the room to look at, and no shortage of pretty people in pretty costuming to gawk at--I mean admire. We even met a small contingent of Portlanders and commiserated about the lack of a structured community in Portland.

Skip to Monday, when we re-packed all our stuffs and headed back down to Olympia. Luckily the mechanics was open this time, and we got into the car to finish clearing out a lot of the things we'd left behind in our rush to get home from the last trip. By the time we got the bag back on me, gawd, it was a lot heavier. Uncomfortably so, and the additional weight was not only wearing on my muscles but was making the bike struggle a bit. I had nearly fallen asleep basking on the bike in the sun back at the workshop, so when we got into Olympia proper we stopped for coffee and mailed ourselves some of the heavier items from the bag (the box ended up weighing just over 15 pounds and I fancy a lot of that was the chainmail). From there on the ride was a breeze... until we got to the home stretch. By then, my ass was so sore from all the bumps and whatnot that my posture was shot and it was all I could do to not whimper the whole 30 minutes through Portland. We had put the 600th mile on Buce just before our last rest stop, so considering that Makal got her at the start of the month that should give you a good idea of how much riding we've been doing!

Now, I think this post is long enough that I can hit publish and give y'all a good bit of reading, so that is exactly what I'm going to do. But don't think that the ride home was the end of our crazy week--no, it gets MUCH crazier--and I will surely be back in a few hours to tell the rest of the story. I think a hot bath and another Vicodin is in order before doing so, though...

Bottoming to The Monk: It's Kind of Like Meeting Captain Kirk

2008-07-28T15:53:00.000-07:00

I've been linking to Monk's personal blog *I think* about as long as I've been writing here at PF... his candor about both his private life and his public business has been inspirational on many points. But back in 2004 when I started this blog, I never would have thought that I'd ever find myself with the opportunity to meet him, let alone work with him. Maybe if I went to a kink convention where he was vending, I might shyly go up to his booth and mumble to him about how I liked his rope and hoped he was having a nice day, something lame and dorky like that, because it's hard to act vivacious when you're meeting somebody that is akin to "celebrity" in your world. But this past weekend, I indeed had the privilege and extreme honor to not only meet but work with the man behind TwistedMonk.com.

Now, I know I said that I was going to refrain from any more modeling talk here, but this was something very much tied into my life, so y'all will just have to deal. ;)

This was, for all intents and purposes, my first experience as a rope bottom. Makal and I have been playing with rope for years, but it's always had a different air to it. The goal there is usually to tie me up and have sex, which is a lot different than "bottoming" to a rope top with no intent to fuck. It's an entirely different dynamic. There isn't really an "end result" both parties are working towards because it's more about the process of (for the bottom) getting tossed about and tied up and hung from the ceiling--well, the ceiling is optional.

If you're not tying a person up for kinky sex specifically, why would you tie them up at all? Well, I really like rope, for one. And Monk really likes rope too. I think both our affinity for rope kind of transcends physical sex, in a way. Also, I really like geeky kinksters, and apparently Monk has a thing for callipygian goth nerds. So we had some mutual interests to attend to. And of course, rope is fun! It's a great medium for interaction between two people and it doesn't have to hit you over the head with sex (just ask the guy whom, freshman year of highschool, I spent several Applied Science classes discreetly tying into hand bondage with our experiment materials...).

So what exactly was it like, working with Monk?

We've been in contact for months planning this meeting; he so kindly and selflessly offered to tie me up and kick my ass (professionally speaking, of course), with a photographer on-hand to capture the occasion for both my business and his. Before meeting we talked about what each of us was wanting out of it. In my case, and since I'm pretty easy to please, it was the simple act of being tied up that would make me happy; I didn't have any "I would specifically like to do a rope corset then get awkwardly tied between two shelving units housing musty files from the 1970s, directly in front of a window so that any passersby might look in and see my wanton state of exhibition" type of requests (though that is one of the scenes we did). We also talked about what we didn't want to happen, or things that should be avoided (my problematic knee, for example).

On the day of shooting, my troop and I arrived at The Abbey and Monk gave us a tour of the building and the areas we might want to work in. We decided to start with something a little low-key, a horizontal suspension in his office. Now, as much as I'd like to say "he did this and then this and there was also some of that"... um, I can't. See, rope kind of makes me go a little fuzzy in the head, nevermind the mere act of submission in such a situation. And even though this first go was pretty casual, well, did I mention I'm easy to please? Umm, yeah, so anyway... we started low-key and amped it up a bit with each new scene, working up to the more intense scene at the end that had even my troop more than a little distracted. ;)

Monk is really good with including subtle things in the experience, which is really what makes him so much fun. Earlier this year he wrote a great post on his blog titled "Top 10 things I really enjoy doing in a scene as a top", which contains a lot of the things he threw at me on Saturday. There was lots of touching, some of it was soft and sensual with no discernible purpose other than skin-to-skin contact, and at other times it was abrupt and hard (like when he literally punched me in the ass, or wickedly drove his thumbs into pressure points on my shoulders). Monk is also really good at the dirty talkin'; he'll get all up close and personal and starts whispering the naughtiest things that you just don't expect him to say but could listen to for hours. So even though our primary goal was working with rope, there was a lot more to it than just the rope.

So if I had no specific goal for the meeting, what did I end up walking away with? Well, apart from a newfound enjoyment of Mindless Self Indulgence, and a body full of deep bruises and rope burns, I actually learned a lot. I learned that yes, that is exactly who I am and what I want in life, no doubt about it. And if you're not really sure what I mean by "that", well, perhaps you should join my subscription site and learn a bit more about me, eh? ;)

I also learned that I am (apparently) one tough chickadee. Given that I didn't really have much previous experience with rigorous bondage modeling, I wasn't entirely sure what my body would be able to withstand. I mean, let's face it: I'm not an athletic person in the least (unless you count bedroom olympics...) and I have always shied away from most any activity that might result in injury. But if a guy like Monk is looking at me going "geez, why has this girl not cracked yet?!" then yeah, I must be pretty damn tough (ref. his Twitter post: "Been a long time since I tied till my fingers bled. Seriously tough girl. 4 scenes, 2 inversions and one destroyed rope kit later.").

The funny thing (to me) is that I wasn't even being as much of a brat as I know I could have been, meaning that I was not really egging him on much at all (which I do regret). Long story short, I tend to intimidate people if I actually go all-out with my personality, which is an ironic counter to the fact that I'm really just a shy little geek girl, so anymore I don't talk much in most situations. It entertains me to ponder just how bruised I'd be today (and bruised I already am) if I had actually looked him in the eye, laughing, and said "You think that hurts me? That doesn't hurt at all! In fact, that feels rather good. Do it s'more... Oh wait, can you move a little lower? Mmmmm..." But, now I know I don't have much reason to not say that stuff, and can back talk to him all I want in the future. Until he ties a gag into my mouth, of course. Or maybe chopsticks? Ung nung ug nug nug!

Also, I used the word "trepidatious" during our last scene. Today I discovered it's commonly considered to not be a word at all. I don't think any of them noticed. I am lucky Monk is not a grammar nazi like I can be... though now that I mention it, that might make a pretty hot scene, especially given my inability to form coherent sentences when fuzzy headed...

Never Again: Second Coming of the Jesus Phone

2008-07-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

I am more or less obliged to write a follow-up to my post last week, Cell Phone Device, We Meet Again. If you didn't read that, I'll summarize: Makal and I planned to get iPhone 3Gs on release day, and went to an AT&T store a week early to open the account so that our time in-store on release day would be shortened. Enter Friday morning...

6:30a - We leave the apartment, bleary eyed and hopeful, and head South to the mall where we set up our AT&T accounts.

~7a - Upon arrival we notice there are indeed lines, but the one at the AT&T store is much shorter than for the Apple store. We park and take our place. We are quickly told by a store manager that this location was only stocked with 40 iPhones, which were "called" by the 40 people in line in front of us (we are 42 and 43), some of whom had been camping the location since midnight. Because we had phones to exchange, we were not able to wait in the Apple store line; we could only purchase our iPhones from AT&T. The manager recommended we drive to the Beaverton AT&T store, which had about 80 phones and only 50 or so people in line. Frustrated and deceived, we leave Bridgeport.

7:30a - We find the AT&T store, which ironically is only 10 minutes from where we live. The line is wrapping around the building and we have no idea where we are in it, number wise, but we know we have two corners to turn before the front door. We wait. Luckily, we are surrounded by some pretty entertaining people. No one around us could be labeled a "geek" (yes, I can tell), which surprised me because I really thought it would only be the hardest of the hardcore geek and Apple fanboys who would be bold enough to attend a release day. These people... they joke about getting their children and friends to show them how to use their new phone. I know it's silly but this makes me angry; where are the hordes of the tech-literate? The savvy men and women who know exactly what the iPhone does, and were excitedly posting to their Twitter/Plurk/Friendfeed/whatever network about the magical excitement? These people didn't even know what Twitter is...

8:50a - We rounded the first corner. This was very welcome as we had been on the shady side of the building and were now basking in warm morning sunlight. No word from the store employees about their supplies or the innevitable cut-off point. I quietly plot revenge upon AT&T for their terrible organization and preparation for the release.

9:30a - Halfway along the wall (still another corner to go) and we have employees coming down the line and counting, but not telling us anything. They pretty much avoided eye contact as much as possible all morning, because they knew we would maim them. Finally, the same manager from the Bridgeport location came out and gave us a cut-off point: 5 people behind Makal and I. High Five! At least now when new people pull up in the marking lot, we can shout at them that the store is all out of iPhones. The manager works on explaining their "fulfillment" plan to the unhappy non-customers; it's not long before he tasks another employee with the job that nobody wants, and tells her to work her way to the end of the line. Suck.

10:30a - Finally to the last corner before the door! There was a guy with a clipboard asking people about what plans they were wanting and checking things off on a form sheet for the customer to hand to a sales rep. We didn't get a paper from him because we didn't need anything but the phone; he could have cared less about our presence after hearing that. Customer appreciation ftw. We stand in the door line for a few minutes, so near air conditioning (I had a mild sunburn at this point) and are just glad we get our phones after all. A man directing people to available sales reps tells us we need to stand in a specific line because of our exchange. Great, another line.

11:30a - Still in the special line for special people who had the special thought to sign up for the plan early and have to exchange our cheapo free phone. Somehow, the store keeps coming up with new iPhones, even though they had said they reached the cut-off point a while ago. Dozens of people left the lines when AT&T told them they were out of stock, and yet some random guy can walk in at 10:30 and say "I hear you're selling iPhones" and be handed a freaking box. WTF AT&T? Who is doing your math?!

12p - When we finally made it up to the counter that had our Post-it noted iPhones underneath, all the friendly people we chatted with in the line are long gone. So much for the "prep work" we did a week before to make our day shorter... The woman helping us was very friendly, but I was starting to wonder about the whole thing when she taped our SIM cards to the aforementioned Post-it notes and told us how to install the cards when we got home. That... doesn't seem like the sort of thing they should let us out of here without doing...

12:30p - We finally leave the store--which is almost baren of customers at this point--amid cheerful goodbyes of "Thanks for your patience!" and "Sorry you had to wait so long!" Right. Fuck off.

1p - Once arriving home, Makal plugs his phone into his comp to sync it. Activation wasn't working though, due to Apple's servers being under mass overload from all the newly purchased iPhones. (Who could have predicted that the servers would lag?!) As it gets close to 2p, the servers finally clear off enough for him to activate and sync his phone, just in time for him to leave and go to work. Shortly thereafter, I sync my own phone. And it is done.

---

So, to summarive the events of July 1th as they relate to the iPhone 3G release: July 11th fucking blew. It blew monkey balls. I know it was no one's fault specifically, but SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. We started the day realizing that the helpful chap at the AT&T store a week before had told us some seriously white lies, and ended it with the store not even able to activate our phones, leaving us incommunicado until we could do so ourselves. Nothing I experienced on that day even minorly resembled an organized strategy or attempts at customer service.

I don't work in retail anymore, and I've never worked in a sysadmin capacity, but I'm pretty sure that either parties could have taken a number of fairly obvious steps to make the day go a helluva lot smoother for these dedicated people showing up to wait in lines, not even knowing if they'd get an iPhone for their troubles. Apple product release day: NEVER AGAIN.

---

That being said, I am enjoying my new phone. It's pretty much what I expected it to be, but I still have occasional twinges of surrealism when I realize there are no buttons. Heh. And like any other computer, it crashes when I try to push it too hard, which seems to be at least once a day. Apparently, I can't edit my Google Calendar or Google Docs & Spreadsheets on the phone, even with the Google Mobile app but I can look at them. And I can interact with JavaScript even though it says it is enabled in the settings. But I can make phone calls! And listen to music! And take pictures! And immediately post them to teh intarnets! But not all at once, of course. Hey, it's just a phone.

How to Date a Geek: Don't Be Yourself and Have No Respect for His Interests

2008-07-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

I have more important things to be doing right now, but I simply can't restrain this impending geek rant any longer...

I love it when women write guides to why it's great to date a geek boy. I love it only because I take great pleasure in reading these "guides" and laughing in their face for all the stupid stereotypes they perpetrate and factually wrong things they cite. It's a never ending source of entertainment for me, and a new one seems to blip on my radar every few months. Yeah, one of these days I'll write my own, sure. :P

Today's victim is the "Girl's Guide to Geek Guys" by Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat. The article opened well enough, and presented as a very sweet, respectful guide to dating geeks. But it didn't take me long to realize this was just another attempt at wit by a person who really doesn't understand geek kind as well as she thinks she does.

She had a list of "Why Geek Dudes Rule". This is one of the sections where the author's blatant stereotyping has gone through a thesaurus and come out far more PC. It's also one of the briefest.

What she says: They are generally available.
What she meant: They are desperate for attention from a real human woman; yes, even you.
The truth: There's no reason why the majority of geeks would be "generally available", unless you have a very limited perception of what it means to be a geek.

What she says: Other women will tend not to steal them.
What she meant: There's a reason they're desperate.
The truth: It's completely untrue, unless you have aforementioned limited perception. Most every geek boy I know gets tons of attention from the ladies, whether they're looking for it or not. And personally, I don't see why anyone would be proud of having a partner others would not desire.

What she says: They can fix things.
What she means: like most primates with opposable thumbs, they can use tools. Since we are talking about geeks here, we'll assume she means "things" of an electronic nature.
The truth: Did you know? Women, even non-geeky ones, also have opposable thumbs. If you break something, learn to fix it your own damn self. Either stop buying shitty products you don't understand or expect to shell out some money to one who can. Don't date a guy just because he will fix shit for you.

What she says: Your parents will love them.
What she means: These are nice respectable boys you can bring home to mother.
The truth: Not all geeks clean up well enough to look at home at your family's Thanksgiving but are super sweet. Other geek boys are total chauvinistic jackasses yet look dashing in a button-up. Think your dear mum would love either?

What she says: They're smart.
What she means: They're educated in areas unfamiliar to you, and that is impressive.
The truth: They're smarter than you, and since you're not a geek you'll probably grow to resent this. I've seen it happen.

Yah, once you take the quaint geeky stereotypes out of it, it's just a list of traits some guys have, geek or no. Way to generalize! She goes on to give this gem of advice:

Try wearing [a t-shirt with the logo of a software company] yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.

Go ahead, obviously non-geek girl, give this tshirt test a whirl. Within 5 minutes your geek target will have you marked as an uneducated wannabe who obviously doesn't know what she's talking about, and is just wearing that shirt because you thought it was trendy. Protip: Pretending to be something or someone you're not is never going to land you in the perfect relationship.

But now we come to the point where I realized I HAD to write this post, a point that has been stewing in my head since I Stumbled upon this article last night before bed. Just... just read it:

If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk and Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your Deep Space Nine, your Babylon 5. Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies, you can better gauge when and how to act.

WHOA!!! Whoa whoa whoa, wtf, let's back the train up a bit; what did you just fucking say? Did you say, god I can barely type it... did you just say Babylon 5? In a paragraph about Star Trek?! You did! You dumb whore! I can't believe it. I just... no, I just can't talk about this right now. I need to go outside for a minute.

---

Okay I'm back. It's okay, I feel better now. I'm sorry I said such harsh things. But as a geek and an old-skool trekker, mixing that shite in with the entire collection of Star Trek is just blasphemous and so obviously uneducated. If this woman really is dating a geek, he must not love her enough to educate her on the differences. ANYway, where was I? Right, the Trek Factor. Um, honestly anything else I have to say about that paragraph is just geeky nit-picking and recitation of facts. Moving on...

The "Geek Lifestyle" section is again filled with advice not to better yourself as a person so that you are a better partner, but to just pretend to be whatever it is you think your geek boy wants, to just smile and nod your way through conversations that you could care less about. Seriously people, I cannot stress enough that that is no way to treat any partner, geek or no! If you can't show honest enthusiasm for your partner's interests, then you're just setting yourself up for a life of loneliness. Also, the author citing that her partner likes to unwind by playing Myst explains a lot about this article (e.g. it is old as fuck).

This is from the "Geek Buddies" paragraph:

The greatest thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.

GOD, it just doesn't stop!! /cry Please, stupid non-geek girls, don't awkwardly force your equally vacuous friends on your geek partner's unwitting geek friends. You aren't in to the same things they're in to at all; that's why you just recommended using the smile and nod technique, isn't it? That's why you keep saying that to date a geek, a girl must at least know the lingo if she doesn't actually know what she's talking about? Geeks KNOW when you have no clue about what they're saying. They may date your friends, but only because it's easy sex.

Now, the Post-It Note. This jumps back into the Trek territory, but I promise it is nothing so painful as last time. No, this is about a simple exchange between husband and wife.

[S]he asked her husband which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was actually most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight authority problem who is always had trouble.

Aww, that's sweet. Isn't that sweet? He thinks his wife is a troubled brat. But this is an obvious example of the sort of conversation you'll get between a geek and a non-geek. First, she limited him to only two choices, who were both some of the most stereotypically sexist characters in the series. After reading this paragraph, Makal chimed in with his own thoughts, completely without my prompting. This is what happens when you pair a modern trekkie geek with an old-skool trekker geek.

him: "I would be most inclined to compare you to Judzia Dax..."
me: "Awesome! I love Judzia, she was one of my favourite characters. *pause* If I died as Judzia Dax, and Dax came back in a man's body, would you go gay for me?"
him: "No."
me: "Really? Even if we just have butt sex?"
him: "Yeah I really don't like guy butt enough for even that."
me: "Awww. Well hey, why am I complaining? I have a cock now! We can go bang chicks together! Sweeeeeet. "
him: "Haha, yes, I'd Eiffel tower with you as a male Dax."

How could a geek girl complain when her partner compares her to a tattooed hottie with the consciousness of seven generations before her yet is still badass enough to weild a bat'leth? She just can't.

In case you need more reason that geek boys should stear clear of girls who can't hold their own on the geek level, I present this video, which Makal linked to me today. It is... very painful. I suggest you brace yourself.

SO MUCH WRONG. Does she really think that destroying the prize of his collection would encourage him to buy her a ring? WTF. I doubt he ever really wanted to marry her to begin with; it was probably just a casual conversation about marriage wherein she projected her own wants over whatever it was he was really saying, and he decided to just go along with it since he wanted to keep having sex. This video, my friends, is why a serious geek should never, ever date a non-geek. I hope he made her pay him full collector's value for that figure after he broke up with her.

For the curious: I did some research to see just how much money that figure was worth. There are some smaller, very similar versions you can buy on sites like eBay for ~$10 if you're savvy. But the size and flexibility of the piece made me think it was pretty damn special. Indeed; those bitches took bats to a 1:4 scale Speeder Bike and Scout Trooper figure produced by Sideshow Collectibles, one of a limited 1500. The figure she so nonchalantly quoted at "probably like a hundred bucks or something" cost $800 at the time of release; I wouldn't be surprised to see a serious collector paying upwards of $2000 for it now. Wouldn't that have bought a pretty ring?

Way to prove how much more mature you are, and how good you are for your lame geek boyfriend...

Geeks, please don't lower yourselves to such base standards. You deserve SO much better!

Cell Phone Device, We Meet Again

2008-07-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

A quick note before we begin:
I am blogging on my biz site much more regularly than I had been for... well, for the bulk of its existence. It's easier when things work correctly, yaknow? So, I plan to post most modeling-related stuff there, instead of here. I think I just need that distinct differentiation between the content on PF, Updates, and Members Only. But the Updates blog is free and you can subscribe to it! So really, you shouldn't notice a difference if you do that; in fact, you're more likely to notice an increase in my blogging frequency. :)

---

It has been nearly three years since I had my own phone line. When Makal and I met in 2005, I had a phone. A slick red flip phone that did everything I didn't know I needed it to do. But it was red! Oh so shiny glossy delicious red. About two months into our relationship, I had to more or less abandon the phone; my ex-housemate, whom I had so graciously allowed to stay on the plan after we stopped living together, charged MASSIVE amounts of stupid shit to his line out of retaliation for my new relationship. Yeah, he went there. And wouldn't pay it back, saying it was "stolen" (if it was stolen, I find it quite odd that the thief held regular phone conversations with his parole-officer step dad...). Of course, Sprint wouldn't refund those charges, as it had been "stolen" for 3 months at that point and I was S.O.L. Super.

As it turns out, I didn't really need a phone. I kept in touch with anyone worth keeping in touch with via email and IM. So once I shut down that account, I was never really in a rush to get a new one. My lacking a cell phone only became an issue when we moved to Portland and I started going to the occasional modeling job while Makal was at work. I usually just took his cell with me because I could reach him at his direct line at work. But it has become more of an issue for those same reasons; remarkably, it is really beneficial to have a cell if you're a model. Okay, not that remarkable, but I am still surprised by the number of professional photographers who insist you call them to discuss shooting, instead of just email. I think it's because almost every photographer who's done so is a huge Ranty McRantersons, and it's hard to rant so prolifically and needlessly via email. /eyeroll

So on Saturday, Makal and I headed out to the Bridgeport Mall. We are planning on each getting the new iPhone 3g. There is an AT&T store not 10 minutes from us, so why did we drive to a mall 30 minutes away? Well for starters, it's one of the classier malls in Portland, and by classy I mean it's an open air mall with courtesy umbrellas during the rainy season and valet parking year round. The baristas ask if you want your caramel machiatto made the "Starbucks way" or the traditional Italian way, and nod approvingly when you squish your face at the mere mention of Starbucks. That sort of mall. I expect the employees of any store at this mall to be well trained in dealing with hoity-toity self righteous rich bitches. This inherently means that if you are not a hoity-toity rich bitch, but can still conduct your affairs with class and even show a degree of respect for the employees, they will love you and appreciate the chance to work with/sell to a sane, normal person. Much better service than you'd get being a non-hoity toity person at a mall that is used to dealing with emo high schoolers and their crazy Sears-shopping mothers.

So we head into the Apple store, and asked the first salesperson who offered assistance about getting a credit check before Friday (since we will be new AT&T customers, and wanted to expedite the process). He had absolutely no idea about what was going on or what we were asking about, so we turned the corner and went directly to the AT&T store. The man that helped us there was super nice, well informed, and presented his sales pitch(es) without seeming gimicky or forced. We explained what we wanted to do that day (credit check) and what we planned to do on July 11th (buy iPhones). In under half an hour he had Makal's old Sprint number transferred to his new AT&T account, let me choose my own new number, and we both had free phones to keep us connected until we come in on Friday. Awesome! He was so thorough and made it so that we will be able to skirt most of the lines on Friday and keep our in-store time to a minimum.

And so it begins. For the first time in three years, I'm going to have a cell phone and be able to conduct my affairs without asking Makal if I can borrow his. I'm gonna text message people and take random photos that I can immediately post on Flickr. I'm going to snap sexy self portraits and send them to my boyfriend while he's at work (one of my major arguments for why I should have an iPhone!). And I'm going to work, finally calling all those photographers who will surely just talk at me for an hour about all the other stuff they're thinking right then, just so we can talk for 5 minutes about a time and place.

I would never have thought that a gadget like this would make me feel so free to go out into the world and do mah thang. But come Friday the 11th, Imma be doing it. Maybe if you're nice I'll send you a picture. ;)

Pretending Things Didn't Happen is Still Just Playing Pretend

2008-07-03T10:35:00.001-07:00

No names, no lines connecting names to other names, no self-censorship. Let me tell you about something that happened to me.

When I first started modeling last year, a fairly new photographer contacted me and asked to be involved with a concept I had mentioned on a public profile. We met, discussed the shoot, and agreed that this would be a fun way for us to work together. We did that initial shoot, and shot together again on two separate occasions over the following months. Our work together was on a TFP (or, Trade for Prints) basis, so no money was involved. He took the photos and sent them to me; sometimes they were edited, sometimes he gave me a disc with the original images on it. We both published the photos in our separate networks and portfolios. I thanked him for his work and published some of it on my Creative Commons-licensed membership site (which he had said would be fine to do).

But over time, there was an issue that I did not try to discuss with him, and it seemed to be getting worse. Namely, I did not like the way he edited photos of me. I did not like the high contrast, the (over) saturated colours, or the quite obvious Photoshopping of my face. This was a problem I had from the beginning, with the photos from our first shoot together. I knew that he was very prideful of his photoediting, and very unwilling to allow others to step in to edit or give advice on how to edit the photographs he had taken. So I took matters into my own hands: I re-edited the provided, already edited photos that I had published on my website, and republished them.

This seemed completely reasonable to me, considering: a) my site is under Creative Commons, meaning that ANYone can edit the photos as long as they give proper credit, b) he had agreed that I may post the photos on my website, c) my website was the only place the re-edited images appeared, and d) that first shoot had been my own concept and design, and he had volunteered to do the photography-end of it.

Most of the re-edited images posted were behind a password, but I of course posted a few as "teasers". It wasn't until a few months later, when I published an image from another shoot on my Flickr stream, that he seemed to take notice of what I had done (presumably because he had subscribed via RSS to my blog, which includes images from my Flickr). The image was one that he had neither provided me an edited version of nor posted anywhere in his own networks; I had edited an original image file from a disc he gave me directly post-shoot, on which he had written "OK to Print" and his initials. I edited the image and posted it to Flickr, giving him photography credit. Within a few days I had a scathing email sent to both my email and MySpace. There was no professionalism, no request to remove the image, just him (essentially) yelling at me that what I had done was wrong. There wasn't much need for a response, in my mind. It was only one image.

That was in October. By January, I was waist-deep in an email conversation wherein he called me names, called my boyfriend and business partner names, and threatened us with legal action. It was one of the single most disgusting, self-righteous things I have ever witnessed, leaving me teatering on the brink of depression despite the fact that I found his actions so fucking amusing. Because from a professional standpoint, I fear no consequences from a man who calls me lazy yet cannot see his own name credited on a Credits page that I sent him a direct link to.

When it was all said and done with, there was nothing this photographer could do to recover... well, recover whatever it was he felt had been lost. I was a business woman before I was a model; at this point in my life I have nearly 10 years of training and experience with owning and operating a stable business. I cover my ass, and I NEVER back down from what I believe is right. I never consented to his demands to remove any of the images, and continue to use them in my portfolios and my Members Only gallery to this day*, as well as keep his information up-to-date on my Credits page.

The photographer, however, has taken an alternative route. He removed every picture of me from every image portfolio he maintains, removed me as a contact from every network, and no longer credits me as a model he has worked with. He has effectively tried to erase me from his existence. I have no doubt that he has discussed my "unprofessional" actions with many a model and photographer too, though technically saying so is hearsay on my part (but seriously, this is the modeling industry; everyone gossips to some degree).

I will not deny that I made some mistakes in how I handled the situation. To err is human, and I have definitely learned from what transpired. I've continued to conduct my business affairs the same as I had before, with some minor revisions that had been planned before we had this disagreement.

Nobody likes confrontation or conflict, but it's neither professional nor responsible to hide from it, or to pretend it never happened. We're only fooling ourselves when we do that.

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If you're interested (and if you've read this far, I kinda think you are), I compiled the entire email exchange regarding the dispute on a single basic HTML page, which you can find here: copyright-dispute.html. When I said before that I found the interaction "fucking amusing", it is because of the way the photographer responds to my emails seemingly without having actually read them and considered the content therein. His responses strike me as redundant and abusive; I'm not sure anyone could read this and not feel the same.

It doesn't make me happy that a person who approached me for work ended up thinking and saying such things. Despite that, I continue to display our work together, to make sure my website's links to his work are current and applicable. This, too, doesn't make me happy. I would love to just pretend this didn't happen and be done with it. But I put a lot of work into those images, and am proud of them; they continue to be some of my most unique work to-date, despite the fact that every time I look at one of the images, that pride is tainted by how our professional relationship ended. So why do I continue to display his photography link his portfolios? Because I am a professional, and I think it's the right thing to do.

*While I still host the photoset in question on my website, I have since lost the specific edits under discussion when my host's server crashed. Bad me, not having back ups, I know. While rebuilding my site and image galleries, I did again re-edit the image files originally provided to me. However, this go, the edits are much more similar to the photographer's provided edit, though I have no idea if he has seen the newer versions or approves of them.

2008-06-26T16:17:00.000-07:00

I can't decide what to do about Flickr lately. My pro account ended about 3 or 4 months ago, and I've not had the extra $25 of budget to rationalize resubscribing. Thing is, I really like Flickr Pro, mainly because of the unlimited amount of sets you can build. That's really handy! But then you can also replace images (instead of having to upload and tag a whole new one) and now there's video too... Oy, so much niceness in that "less than $2 a month!!" Oh, and unlimited photos is WAY better than just 200; a mere two hundred can go pretty fast!

But then I think, do I really need a pro account? Sure, it's nice, but how much do I need it? Couldn't I just go and make an extra Flickr account to give myself some flexibility? Yaknow, do one for modeling, one for my crap photos of normal stuff. ;) But that would mean another Yahoo account to log in to, another account's worth of contacts to establish, 200 new photos to tag and describe and title. OMG that is a lot of work just to move what I already have somewhere else and not spend any money. Blar.

One of these days I'm going to just break down and convince Makal to break down too, and we'll go out and buy ourselves a nice hefty server box and fill it full of altporn websites and image galleries and Pirate Bay booty. One of these days I'm going to... do... something...

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By the by, my Flickr stream is here: NaughtyMerrick on Flickr. There is of course that widget in the sidebar, but if you don't visit my actual site regularly you might not see the fun therein. I actually do post work-safe images to Flickr, and if you are subscribed to me you see a good few of them show up on the feed--but there are still tons of hot NSFW pics I post too. Either way, I figured it couldn't hurt to plug my Flickr stream a bit more. Heh, that sounds kinda dirty.

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By the double by, should ANYone, for ANY reason, feel like gifting me with a fresh Pro account... I will give you a 6 month account on NaughtyMerrick.com (which is a crazy savings!!! Well under half of what you'd usually pay...) and regularly lavish comment love on your own Flickr stream, plus tell the world how much you rock out with your cock/genitals-of-choice out. I mean, I'm not desperate for money or anything, this obviously isn't a live-or-die situation, but I figure it doesn't hurt to put this stuff out there in case anyone is feeling particularly sponsor-y. :)