PerfectLyricTrueArtist

Something to Talk About...

2010-09-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

No one talks anymore. It's true. And when I say that...I mean much more than through phone calls. Yes, we text. We tweet. We subtweet. We send messages through our Facebook statuses. We have phone calls here and there. But even then so many things get left out. I think often of the many people in my life who I probably dont know basic things about...like...where they grew up or what their favorite color is. It made me think back to this thing we did when I was in school: pen pals. Ha. I remember pen pals was the coolest thing in the world to me. I remember mine from elementary school...her name was Garvey and she lived in Germany. She put stickers all over her letters and made her "l's" funny. I never though to ask how the heck she learned how to speak and write in English...but I loved getting her letters. She told me about her life and her dog and her family...she also told me about the music she was listening to...which to my 4th grade surprise was the same music I was listening to. It was amazing. I can see those letters so clearly in my mind. So recently I started thinking about why that was so amazing. I think what affected me the most was getting to truly know about another person...and also being able to share my life with someone. We don't do that anymore...we just don't have to. We get to gloss over...abbreviate...or simply leave out parts. And I think that's played a direct part in the lack of true connections in our generation. I know it's what we all subconsciously crave... but no one takes chances anymore. It's a risk to share who you are with someone...even if its a complete stranger. I have no idea where Garvey is now...she's probably somewhere blogging and listening to The Script's cd in its entirety (she had a lot in common with me so I'm going to just say we're doing the same things)...but one thing's for sure...I am glad that she was my pen pal...she taught me the importance of communication. Communication helps with learning, learning promotes growth. Growth begets healthy relationships. Healthy relationships equals happier people. See? Get a pen pal. Trust me. It helps.

16 friends I won't forget.

2010-09-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

it's cold in california. no one thinks that's possible. but it is. it's very possible. it gets freezing cold here at night. well my post is not at all about the weather in california. I just thought i'd mention it because...it's my blog. I really want to say how much I miss my classmates. Some people may not know what a program like the one I attended is like. It basically goes like this: you come to a city as a teenager...get thrown into a program with 19 other strangers...and during the first two weeks of school you laugh, cry and learn together...and then you spend the next 4 years as a family. And then when you graduate you're supposed to learn to live without them. it's all very abrupt and heartless. lol. No seriously, my group ended up being only 17...we lost 3 classmates after our first year (lost as in they left the program not as in they left the earth) and they became my brothers and sisters. We even fought like siblings. Here we are:

so many of us from so many backgrounds. an amazing group of talent of all kinds. i learned so much from these kids. they each played a role in the actress/artist I have become. i stole from them. i grew with them. i travelled the world with them (literally we all flew to London to study acting our junior year and then travelled through Europe). it's been a year since the last time i saw most of them and i really miss the hours on end we'd spend in classrooms together...in rehearsals trying to break down our acting walls and make shows work....on stages leaning on one another and praying to God you didn't laugh during a scene (yes even classically trained actors have a fear of laughing during a scene...its called living in the moment...dont judge. ha.). the short of the long of it is...these people were more than classmates to me. and they still mean the world to me.

Today...Stay Inspired

2010-08-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

There are times and moments and people who will put their failures and fears on you. They may think it's to protect you from being disappointed. They may think you need to hear it. But that can't make you give up. No matter who it is. A conversation I recently had reminded me of this scene in pursuit of happyness...

You have control over your dreams...go get them. Period.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Nobody Knows

2010-08-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

"he put it on me. i put it on like there was nothing wrong. it didnt fit. it wasn't right. wasn't just the size. they say you know when you know. i dont know. i didnt feel the fairytale feeling. am i a stupid girl for even dreaming that i could."

~ Katy Perry

When I heard those first few lines of "Not Like The Movies" I literally had to stop myself from bursting into tears because...well...not only is it about having someone propose MARRIAGE to you who you know isn't the prince charming that you're waiting for but it's also telling the storyof the inevitability that you'll come face to face with someone who's willing to give you all the love you're searching for... but that you won't be able to convince yourself that your idea of fairytale love isn't out there waiting, long enough to let this person love you. But above all...those lines just reminded me that no one has any clue what love really...TRULY is. I mean if someone, somewhere sat down and decided to spend the rest of their life putting together a definition of love from every song, movie, book, etc...I'd go out on a limb and say they'd die with a failed mission. No one has a clue. We all try to define it. Box it. Stretch it to make it fit all kinds of mess, pain and circumstance. For some it's a feeling. For others its an action. For most it's where we first experience hurt. For many it's where we find ourselves over and over again hoping maybe this time...it works. One of my favorite quotes is found in the story of Anna Karenina (oddly about a woman having a scandelous affair):

"Just as there are as many minds as there are heads, so there are as many types of love as there are hearts."

...I've always read that quote and thought it was amazing and so very true...but how can there be a type of something we can't even define? And how can you ever know you've found it? It seems that's the reason most people remark on finding it once it's gone...equating it with something invisible...something that only loss can reveal. Well isn't that comforting? Ha. Love is risky. And stupid. And beautiful. And boundless. It's too big to be contained...maybe that's the reason no one can really tell when they've captured it.

check the full song here. it's amazing.

Sincerely,

@Bestnewactress

P.s- or are we just looking in all the wrong places?

hmmm....

Inspired by a tweet...

2010-08-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

usually people's first choice when things aren't going their way...word, right?

Let's face it we're a generation of people who want what we want, when we want it and not a second later. We have phones that can do anything from the simplest math problem to helping us adopt a child from a foreign country in under ten minutes...so how could anyone expect us to be patient when it comes to what we want in other areas of our lives? Where is all this coming from...right?...that's what you're all thinking. Well, I can honestly say that I am highly impatient person when it comes to what I want out of life. I set deadlines and keep schedules...I hold myself responsible when things don't turn out the way "I've planned"...I am hard on myself to say the least. And let's face it...why would I not be? For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a successful actress. I've dedicated most of my young life to learning as much as I can about it and immersing myself in everything about my craft...and it's only right that I see results when I want them, right? I laughed writing that. Because it's just so silly. The truth of the matter is...the world doesn't work around our plans for ourselves and it can be utterly FRUSTRATING! Some of us work, plan, take all our vitamins, dot all our "i"'s and cross all of our "t"'s but things are only going to happen when they're meant to happen. And then there's that ever daunting, looming possibility that we may never get what we think we should get...it's inevitable that some people will lose and some will win. After all, EVERYONE can't win...ask Lebron James...he knows. So there's a sense of entitlement that all of us "hard-workers" have...this idea that our work will 100% result in exactly what we've worked for. Our feeling is of course...I'll do this and I'll get that. We're taught and told that hard work pays off from a really young age...but everyday we see proof of otherwise...we see people who've done nothing (word to Jersey Shore, the Kardashians and George Bush) get ahead and live life both comfortably and ideally with no worries, issues or conflict. Of course there's no way of knowing if any of that is actually the case...but that's how it seems..does it not? Meanwhile, we all know people who've grustled (grind+hustle: a word I picked up from young kids in LA that I find HILARIOUS!) they're entire lives with very little to nothing to show for it...is that fair? Does the universe just have it out for them? Who knows. Well other than the man upstairs...we're all pretty lost as to what it all means...is it naive to think that my work will pay off in the way that I've always envisioned it happening...is it materialistic of me to work this hard only in order to someday never feel like I'm working because I'll always be doing what I love and having things to show for it? And, as one of my favorite people in the world tweeted today, am i ungrateful for wanting it all SO QUICK? There are no answers. And that's EXACTLY what makes it sexy, frustrating, dangerous, insane and wonderful to go full throttle after what you want in life. Because you just never know. Faith. Life.

I won't give up. Will you?

Sincerely,

@Bestnewactress

And hello to The Printed Blog...you guys are amazing.

Edge is Born!

2010-08-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since I've written a blog post and I am now happy to announce that Edge Magazine is here! We had a wonderful debut week and reached over 59 countries and over 5,000 viewers. The feedback was wonderful and everyone who was apart of the first issue had nothing but good to say about their experience with me and my partners, Camara and Ashley. It was a truly amazing and trying experience for all of us to start a business from scratch and then do all of our promotions, marketing and outreach to our features...but we all learned a lot and have become better businesswomen. We are now in the process of putting together a team of writers, PR people and sponsors to help take Edge to the next level. It's gearing up to be something with way more potential than we ever would have imagined.

We have now signed on to be apart of Los Angeles' iWalk for AIDS event on October 17th and will be interviewing AIDS victims and the family, friends and lovers of those who have lost their battle along the way. We are so excited to be giving back in some way and are elated to be walking as Team Edge Magazine, LLC. You can check out our official team page here: Support Edge Magazine's Walk and if you're an Angelino you can join our efforts and walk with us on October 17th or simply help us reach our fundraising goal from near or far. Making sure Edge is apart of the workings of the Los Angeles community means so much to me because I love to give back in more than a monetary way sometimes time and effort says so much more. It will be a wonderful experience for all.

Overall, we have high hopes for Edge and love to hear feedback on the site and read submissions from writers, artists, young entrepreneurs and the like. Everyone who has supported edgemagazinesite.com mean the world to us. Without you all we would never have even had the thought to create something like this and we are now overjoyed to know that it has indeed touched and inspired our peers. You can submit videos, talent, music and contact us through the site. We love to hear from you all!

Follow Edge Magazine, LLC on Twitter: https://twitter.com/EdgeMagazineLLC

Become a fan on Facebook: Edge Magazine, LLC

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

The Wait is Almost Over!

2010-07-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back I posted an entry about a business venture I had embarked on with two of my dear friends and now I am back to say: the wait is almost over!!! Ha.

Edge Magazine debuts this Sunday August 1,2010 at www.edgemagazinesite.com. The first issue has articles on everyone from NBA star Chris Douglas-Roberts to rising rap star Pat Piff. We are so excited to bring the first issue to our readers and even more ecstatic about featuring young entrepreneurs, leaders and thinkers. With the election of our first African American president and the emergence of minorities in top positions, long gone are the days where we can sit around waiting to be applauded by mainstream media. We must take the initiative to create platforms in which we can applaud our accomplishments on our own.

Why Edge Magazine?

We created Edge to combine the strictly urban air of publications like Vibe/Source magazine with the classy and mature grace of Essence and GQ Magazine. Too often it seems that minority accomplishments, morals and ideas get overshadowed in both classy graces and urban airs, leaving the atmosphere free of true inspiration. Through Edge we hope to inspire people of young and old to go after their biggest dreams by creating a platform to applaud the accomplishments of minorities in everything from sports to humanitarian causes. We hope to encourage everyone to appreciate the journeys in their lives that bring them to and through their successes. For we know that it is in the moments when you're standing on the Edge of the mountain which took so long to climb, that you must decide whether to jump or to turn back. It is our hope that Edge gives you the courage to jump, fly and succeed.

How you can be involved with our launch date:

We've had people from all over write to us about ways to get involved with Edge. We really hope that Edge can create a community of leaders, artists and readers who are all focused on inspiring one another. So we decided to include videos on our website of "What puts you on Edge"...what inspires you, keeps you going and puts you right where you need to be when it's time to focus. We've recieved some GREAT videos so far and want to keep it going. So the videos can be 15-30 seconds and as creative or not creative as you want them to be. When you're all done send them over to: ashleybeireis@gmail.com.

Quick Facts about Edge:

Creators: Camara Mathis, Iman N Milner, Ashley Nguyen

Launch Date: 8.1.2010

Website: www.edgemagazinesite.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/edgemagazinellc

Facebook: Edge Magazine, LLC

How to submit: You can be featured in Edge by simply sending whatever best represents you to info@edgemagazinesite.com

I want to say thank you to all my readers from the bottom of my heart for supporting my blog here and on Facebook as well as on Global Grind...it is greatly appreciated. I only hope that I can continue to make you all happy through my writings for Edge as well!! Tell a friend about Edge 8.1.2010 :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Give Up! (a middle of the night post)

2010-07-06T01:33:00.000-07:00

While watching Good Will Hunting on my flight back from Georgia tonight, this scene between Matt Damon and Minnie Driver jumped off the screen and slapped me in the face. I guess begging someone to love you the way you love them not only doesn't work in reality...but it doesn't even work in movies. Now THAT's real. Just my middle of the night thoughts :)

along with being real...it's quite simply one of the best acted scenes in the world.

My bestie poo over at complexsimplicity put it best "you're always never that girl...until you are". Word.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Quick Thought

2010-07-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

Never give someone the power to make you feel disposable. You're more than that. There is no one in this world who should make you feel that you mean nothing. Every part of your being is valuable and your feelings, emotions and time are priceless. When we love someone we sometimes forget that we once survived completely without them in our lives....you know? There was a time when they never even existed and your life kept going. The Earth kept spinning. The Sun kept shining. The stars kept being twinkly. And guess what? All those things are happening even when your heart is broken. Let the pain alter you...let it make you stronger, wiser and put you in a place to (as my good friend Carla said) heal rather than put up walls. But don't let the pain change you. Don't let it make you...well...don't let it make you become the pain-er. Remember the beauty of who you are...alone....as a solitary unit. Accept that you've lost something. But be comforted in the fact that you have so much more. And when someone shows you that they're not worth loving...kindly accept their invitation to find someone who is. Even if that person is just yourself for a while. The definition of love, whether biblical or otherwise, mentions nothing of tears. Dry your eyes ;). He/she simply is not worth the beautiful gift of love you've been given. Walk strong. Alone.

Take my advice. I should know.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

if nothing else...just be honest with your self and let it hurt

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Fearless

2010-07-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

I am ALWAYS looking for new artists to draw inspiration from and to pass along to others. Right now I am super excited about a few artists finally getting the attention they deserve. The first is Janelle Monae. OMG! Ha. She is incredible to say the least. Not only do all her albums tell stories but she is so uniquely her. Wearing only a black and white tuxedo as costume she still manages to embody complete femininity while performing with the intensity of male artists who lived long before her time i.e. Jackie Wilson and James Brown. J'ADORE Janelle Monae. She is captain of the cool kids to me without a doubt. Check her steelo.

And then these guys with her...Lupe Fiasco ( who I am determined to one day propose to with a wooden Jesus piece and a spoken word poem) and B.O.B are making up this whole era of hip hop artists that give me SO MUCH LIFE!

And then the MC that I am completely rooting for is J Cole. Ever since I was introduced to him through his video for Simba I have been completely adamant in my judgement that he is the best young cat coming into rap at the time. He is beyond talented and his lyrical prowess is just sickening. Ugh. After playing "The Warmup" ,his mixtape, out, I was elated to hear him on "Star is Born" with Jay and I still think that he didn't really get the credit he deserved for MURDERING that verse. Credit given. Heard he had a new single...admittedly, I was worried that his ability to rap with the best of them would be watered down for "crossover" appeal...but I was illin. "Who Dat?" is a perfect blend of enough catchy-ness to have you sing along while unleashing the lyrical beast that is J Cole. Definitely a fan. Definitely waiting for that album.

Check his steez.

definitely one of my favs by him.

Who Dat? Who Dat? loves it. Cole(d) world :)

And as far as other bloggers go: I'm rocking with my sissie poo over at writersrehab.wordpress.com/ and of course...waiting for the launch of my magazine at www.edgemagazinesite.com on August 1st.

So these are the cool things I'm getting down with this summer. They're wonderful. Smile today. Be encouraged, inspired and inspirational. If you've been feeling derailed lately...pick yourself up and tip on the tightrope ;)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

When All Else Fails...

2010-06-22T13:27:00.001-07:00

As an artist I have the wonderful ability to channel any and every emotion into artistic expression. On my worst and best days there is something to be said about the things I create. I closed a show Saturday night and gave a performance that felt more like therapy for my heart than entertainment for the audience...but I know they felt it. And that's not to toot my horn but simply to help me point out how much art means to me. Any and every artist who loves what they do would agree that never has something so beautiful been created than when something or someone alters their world. Whether it's a 25 page journal entry, a poem, a letter to your heart, a new song...a screenplay...without a doubt, pressure (whether emotional, mental or otherwise) creates artistic diamonds. I realize how lucky I am to have something I can always go back to...my art, my core...my heartbeat. I have a place like none other to escape to...to get lost in...to remember in. So today I salute art for being constant. Constant in its safety. Constant in it's ability to remind me just how beautiful the world is. Constant in it's consistency.

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Robbery.

2010-06-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

So I know sometimes my blog seems to be "how many times can I talk about love and in how many different ways"...welp. Ha. It happens to be something I like to talk about and discuss (and since I'm still in the midst of trying to make sense of it)...this blog is a perfect platform to get it all out. Well the reason I titled this post "robbery." is because sometimes loving someone (especially when they don't feel the same way) feels like having something stolen from you. You know that feeling you get when you realize someone took something of yours...that disgust, that feeling of disrespect and disregard? THAT's how it feels. And because falling in love or loving someone never really makes logical sense...trying to figure out how you set yourself up for a crime of that proportion seems daunting and impossible. Although he is OVERLY quoted round about this time...Drake has a line that says "you never see it coming, you just get to see it go"...and that's what happens when you lose your heart to someone....and then he follows it with "but i'll never forget it baby, what an experience"...and we're back to square one, are we not? It's all pretty insane and confusing and frustrating...and then there's the possibility, the very good chance, that you'll send yourself through all the changes of admitting to yourself that you're in love and you'll get NOTHING in return. Because the sucky part about life/love is that just because you're willing to go all in with someone does not mean that they even have to consider you in their cards. Yes. That is life. So you stand there with that feeling that you get when you walk up on your car and see all the windows broken and you know that means someone decided what you had was theirs to take...and they have no clue how much it'll cost to repair all the damage. No one likes to be robbed. But it happens.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

"...so i won't have to burn alone..."

Not a big Rihanna fan but she sums it up in this one.

Champions. Ring the King.

2010-06-18T11:35:00.001-07:00

If you know me, are my Facebook friend or Twitter follower or have had a conversation with me in the last month... you know I am a DEVOTED Los Angeles Lakers fan and you had to have seen this coming:

THE 2010 NBA CHAMPION LOS ANGELES LAKERS...fought a hard battle last night against the *team who shall remain nameless because just saying their name gives me bad vibes* to be crowned. Have to give it up to my boys...they deserved every bit of the Larry O'Brien last night. Check out some videos of the game and the crowing moments....and of course Ron Ron. Comedy.

Kobe is hilarious...and his daughters aren't they *ahem* precious.

Phil is that...wait a second that can't be...emotion? Ha. Gots to love the Zen Master.

Ron motherfather Ron. Pure comedy.

A New Leaf

2010-06-14T16:26:00.001-07:00

Hello to all my readers. I've been gone for a while but I am happy to announce that soon and very soon you'll be able to read my thoughts and all types of new fun things at www.edgemagazinesite.com. Edge Magazine is the lovechild of me and two of my friends (Ashley Beireis and Camara Mathis). How it came about? Well we noticed a great hole in the market when it came to expressing ideas of 16-25 year old minorities...if it's not Vibe or Essence...there's just nothing there to represent us in a positive light. We sat around and thought about all the young people we knew who were making strides in sports, music, arts and humanitarian efforts and thought: "Why don't we create a platform for their accomplishments to be applauded"...so we decided to create our very own magazine! At first it seemed like a far fetched idea but when we really sat down and considered we realized with all of the natural abilities we all possessed it would be easier than we thought. We came up with a list of so many people we could include in our magazine...from NBA players to up and coming rappers...even young women who had created their own organizations...and so Edge Magazine, LLC was born.

I am so proud to announce it's birth and launch date as August 1st. Look for familiar faces to grace the site and newcomers who will inspire you beyond belief. August 1st! www.edgemagazinesite.com

Twitter: edgemagazineLLC

Facebook: Edge Magazine LLC

Send any inquiries and submissions to: info@edgemagazinesite.com :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

As Long As There Are Men....

2010-05-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

So recently, I've seen lots of men sounding off on "side chicks", "jumpoffs", "Kat Stacks", "women who don't know their role", etc...and I can't help but think...but aren't men to blame? No, really. This is not to put men on blast....or to even make them look like the "i would rather judge you with my one eye than my two eyes" creatures that they are. It's merely to point out that these women would have no power if men did not bestow it upon them. The thing that gets me every time about the Supaheads and Kat Stacks of this world...is not how disgustingly gross the women are (although that is NOT to be overlooked) but the fact that men KNOW how disgustingly gross these women are...but that does not stop them from sleeping with them. And when they're called on it...it's all of a sudden "jumpoff" this..."sidechick" that...but what about the fact that you and your homeboys slept with her? Why is that not an issue? With all the great, smart, funny, beautiful, moral women in this world...women who you probably overlook on your way out of the bank...or at the food drive you went to go help out at, or the neighborhood you grew up in...you CHOSE Kat Stacks. It's crazy to me. It's truly baffling. I hear men say ( or see them tweet...you know what I mean) how they want a "real" woman...hear them say "i don't want fake boobs or a fake butt"...and in the very next sentence drool over Rosa Acosta and her plastic counterparts...so what does that tell me? Either men don't really know what they want...or they just don't care as long as it has a hole and a butt to smack. Harsh...but true. Women bear the hard grunt of all these terms "gold digger", "side chick", "hoe", "jumpoff", "jersey chaser"...but men always play into it. How can a woman be a side chick if you're faithful to your girlfriend/wife? How can a woman be a jumpoff if you and your boys respect yourselves and decide to not openly smash the same crazy/insecure/lifeless girl? How can a girl be a gold digger if she doesn't know for sure that a hair weave, fake boobs and the right dress can land her a shopping spree on Rodeo for at least one weekend? Think about it. Women can be conniving, sneaky, etc...but there is no way that a man cannot see a woman like Kat Stacks coming from a MILE away...I mean Supahead had not one, but TWO books about men who slept with her knowing exactly who she was and what she stood for...I can spot them...at the club...at basketball games...they dress, talk, walk and behave in a certain way...the truth of the matter is...men are so arrogant that they convince themselves they're special..."she's only giving it to me this good"..."i can call her anytime and she'll be with me all day...i know she ain't rolling with no other ninja"...dude wake up...

What I am trying to point out is that for every cause there is an effect...sadly the cause is more and more Black men who do not 1) respect themselves or 2) respect women (not just Black women...ALL women) and the effect is women who 1) capitalize on this fact and 2) do not respect themselves either....no one is more to blame nor is one more at fault. In some way I am sure it's an unending cycle...pinpointing when, why or how it started is the hard part. As usual I write to start dialogue...to simply bring it to the attention of my readers. I feel you dudes in your frustration with women like this...but only you dudes who DON't perpetuate the behavior through your everyday actions. If you're tricking off on the girl you met at the club who knew every other baller in VIP...I'm sorry sir...you've been played by your local jumpoff...and you can only blame yourself. If the pretty girl with all the latest fashions and a $100,000 vehicle cannot readily identify her source of income and all you can think about is her fly gear and how envious all your boys will be when you bring her around...you're being doped...plain and simple...and when she turns out to be a jumpoff...don't be shocked...take your loss like Lebron...I mean like a man. Because at the end of the day...there will always be women with low standards and a lack of self-respect and as long as there are men willing to look pass that for some good dome or barbershop bragging rights...there will always be a Kat Stacks.

Just my thoughts.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

It Plays Out So Different in my Dreams

2010-05-15T00:36:00.000-07:00

So...as I sit here thinking of the lessons I've learned about love at just 22...I can't help but feel that maybe...this idea of "love" is overrated because afterall with all the different hearts...there has to be just as many different forms of love. Yes...I know...we all want a fairytale...but the truth of the matter is we won't all get it. Some of us will be left at the alter...some of us will be lied to...many of us will be cheated on...and lots of us will feel our hearts break in our chests as we watch love walk right out of our lives. I thought I'd found something...someone...who made me believe it was real...but I have to thank him for reminding me that my plan for love may not be love's plan for me. The fact of the matter is...love is really just the ability to keep believing until it happens. And when it does...the ability to forget the time you spent WAITING for it to happen. This post is so very Carrie Bradshaw of me...but hey...it's almost 1am in Los Angeles on a Friday night...and something just said "write it out"...so...I hope that somewhere, someone reads this...and feels the same way...or at least....understands.

"one of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter"

- James Earl Jones (love this one...)

Tick Tock

2010-05-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

No...this isn't a post about that very annoying song sung by that one girl who won't matter next year with a $ sign in her name...smh...but it's a post about something I discussed with two of my closest girls. OK...this is how the conversation went. My friend rushes into the room where i was sitting with my other girl and she says "once again someone is on facebook with a profile picture of their left hand, sporting a ring...and their status reads "he put a ring on it"...WTF?!...all of my friends are smart, beautiful, ambitious and single...WHY?" And then we all began a conversation in which we discussed the notion that right now...we're all at our peak of desirability. We're young 2o somethings...everything is in perfect gravitational alignment...we're college educated and working towards our dreams. But is our time running out? Sounds utterly ridiculous on the surface level, right? Right...but when you look at some of the sides of the debate that we covered...it is completely possible. Ok...at 23...we're the perfect age to be scooped up by some seasoned player player...who's ready to (must interrupt and say...yes I did say "player player" smh) settle down and is maybe 28-early 30's. He's probably ruined all the women his own age and is looking for a young set of ovaries to recreate with. "Well what about guys your own age?" What about them? Many of them are in no way ready to settle down into something serious...which expains why many women get with men at least a few years older than them. NO...not ALL guys our age are immature and unwilling to settle down...but I do think it is safe to say MOST of them are not. So...that leads me to conclude that unless we're scooped up by the previously mention 28-early 30 year olds...as we get older we'll be less desirable to our own age group of men....?! Why? Because they'll be the 28-early 30 year olds going after the early 20 somethings...which leads me back to the title of this post. Are we running out of time? If you're a single woman at our age...are your chances of being married and family bound by the age of 30 dwindling away? No one knows...I just think it's a hell of a question.

What do y'all think?

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Lena...Legend 1917-2010

2010-05-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Hollywood lost one of it's most elegant, shining stars in Lena Horne. She was 92 years old. Many people my age may not know who Lena Horne is or what she means to us...especially Black women. I was blessed to have a father who once sat me down and explained to me how Lena Horne was the love of his life....ha. But really, as my father plopped me down in front of the television to watch "Stormy Weather", he explained to me why Lena Horne was so important to me as an African American woman and even more as a African American performer. He explained that her refusal to be cast as a maid and commitment to always portraying characters that praised and uplifted Black women....was an imperative stepping stone to my future. I learned everything I could about her...envied her long legs and voice like an angel...but most of all ADMIRED her resilience, strength and class in the face of racial tensions. She broke so many barriers it seems crazy to think that we are still experiencing the "first's" of many accolades for women of color in TV, film, on-stage and beyond. Lena Horne cannot be replaced but her legacy can and will live on through us...the new generation of women of color who too embody class and grace. Seeing a legend like Lena pass away...always reminds me of who should TRULY be a role model. A woman who stands for something. A woman who is not afraid to stand in integrity and virtuosity. A woman who knows that she stands a model for more than just herself...sadly, in most cases...she stands as a example of the whole race. A woman who is not afraid to say "no" when her ideals are tested. And most of all, a woman who leaves behind footsteps worth walking in.

R.I.P Lena and Thank You.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

DIVA!! Love it.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T10:23:00.001-07:00

Today is the day that we honor our mothers. The women who don't get half as much credit as they deserve. The women who have shaped us into the men and women we are. I know many wonderful mothers and wish you all the best on this day...but I would like to send a very special HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY message to my mother Judy Ann Milner:

My mother is the most beautiful, talented and selfless woman I know. She has sacrificed so much for me and my sister that I do not know where to begin thanking her. No matter what happens between us, my mother is always there for me. From praying for me to talking me through life's issues...I cannot ask for a better mother. I honor and appreciate her on this day and EVERYDAY. Love you MOM

This is still the best song for Mother's Day hands down :) enjoy

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Diary of a Black Girl

2010-05-03T13:58:00.000-07:00

I've always loved this song. All I can say is that Wale must have read a few of my entries. Quite a few. It's been a while since I've blogged. But I think I'm officially back...no really. :)

All I Ever Want To Do Is Be Relevant

Overcome. Learn to trust and love again.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

The Sting

2010-03-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

It's so easy to talk about the beauty of love, the giddiness of a new love, the expectation of future love...we feel tingly inside discussing it... yet so many times we shy away from the pain of lost love. But the truth of the matter is...it's more real than all the others. It's what makes the giddiness even more special, the first moment of passion more memorable, the expectation of the loves to come more desirable...but it's what makes us the most vulnerable. You enter into something with a person...many of us try really hard to keep our cool. Not calling too often, not showing too much of how we feel, keeping other options open JUST IN CASE...although in the back of our minds we know...there's something special about "that one". So, then it happens...the other options start to go away...the walls start to come down...most times involuntarily...and before you know it you're all in. Phone conversations become less surface level and more about who you are as people and what you want from one another...and before you know it...your day doesnt seem complete without talking to that person...your feelings are growing stronger and all the cool you THOUGHT you had is replaced with all the hidden sensitivities you've been holding back. Things are going smoothly and nothing points to problems on the horizon...you figure it's time to talk about making things "official". You rack your brain all day trying to find the best way to approach it without seeming too pressed about it. You tell him everything you're feeling...because after all...you guys are at that point, right? He explains to you that right now he cant just make that choice in his life, he wants to make sure he's completely ready for a relationship...so as not to hurt you. You find for the first time...how much you trust him. You take every single word in...hearing all his points and agreeing with those that make the rejection seem more like a temporary pause in action...until he's ready...and you know he'll get there. Time goes by...the lack of commitment seems like nothing...it's like you're together anyway, right? Things seem to still be on track to being the relationship you've always wanted. Man of your dreams. Check. Someone you can truly be yourself with. Check. Past the awkward first few months. Check. Past the first "where is this going?" conversation. Check. But then...you get that call/text/email...the one that's not like the others. The one that suggests...maybe...naw...must just be a bad day...and then you call...to see what's up. No answer. Text. No response. And all in one moment...you know. This is not going to be the fairytale you expected. You prepare yourself for the worst...while still that little 6 year old who watches Disney Princess movies who lives in your heart holds out hope that maybe fairytales are real. And finally...he lets you know...that the commitment you knew would come...isn't. won't. wasn't. You realize that all the time you were thinking two totally different things about what you were sharing...who was living the lie? You? Him? There's no real explanation from the person you thought you knew. And the trust you gave to his unwillingness to jump into something...suddenly looks like nothing but naivety and stupidity. You handle it the best way you know how...trying to overstep the bitter, angry, lonely routine that seems so overdone. You start to pick up the pieces of your heart...month goes by. A little stronger. 2 months go by. Almost there. What happens in month 3? Pictures pop up...him and someone new...you try to not overreact maybe...it's...his...? What happens in month 3? You start over with the sting that you felt when he first erased the last page of the fairytale...because now you know...the whole time...you and him were reading from two entirely different books. It was not his readiness but his WILLINGNESS that kept him from committing to an idea of an "us", a "we"...and that sting...is the hardest to overcome.

Never stop believing :)

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

(I think we can all relate to this)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

One in a Lifetime?

2010-03-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

This is a question I often ask myself...(the title for this post actually comes from a new Monica song hehe)...but I've had many conversations in which people discuss this idea of "settling"...especially in terms of relationships. There's this idea, that many people share, that very few people end up with the person who they REALLY want to be with. That you get one person in your life who you truly love...butterflies in the stomach, heart pounding, "I'll do anything to keep you around"...truly love. That things may not go right with that person and you both decide to walk away from it...but you always know in the back of your mind that you'll never love someone that way again...and you just accept it. And then you meet someone who you love...enough...and the timing's right...and you're pressing the clock to find someone to settle down with and you just do it. You live your life loving this person just enough to stay with them...never again having THAT feeling...that 1st crush, "is he gonna call, should I call first?", heart beating in your stomach, sweaty palm, i could stare in your eyes forever...feeling. I don't think I could ever truly be happy unless I marry the man who gives me butterflies every single time he walks into a room...and even just from hearing his voice from a million miles away. It's not real...unless there's FIREWORKS for me...not just sparks...when the man I decide to spend the rest of my life with looks at me I will settle for nothing less than Avatar-esque CGI explosions to go off in my heart. Is that too much to ask? Settling has never been an option for me...not in my life, career or dreams...so the idea of settling in love has never even crossed my mind. But apparently, it seems like a viable option for many people...especially women. There's this idea that maybe you won't get another chance to get married...or even before that step...that you won't find another man to even commit to you on a gf/bf level...so the first bite you get on the line...you pull. Sure, maybe that means you have someone to cuddle with on cold nights...someone to buy your movie ticket or someone to ahem fix the plumbing...but that's so conditional. Why not hold out for something more real than a dinner date? Why not take a chance on true happiness? Of course that means there is a chance that you'll spend many nights alone in the bed with a box of Kleenex watching the proposal episode of Martin but...isn't it worth it if in the end you get the real thing? You get the fairytale relationship...that leads to the perfect proposal and the beautiful wedding...and the lifetime of memories with the man who swept you off your feet and never puts you down. That's pretty darn worth it in my eyes. There is so much life ahead of us..yet so little time to waste...that spending time with someone who doesn't truly change your life is just plain pointless. I will never stop believing in finding THEE man who completes my fairytale...then and ONLY then will I commit myself to a lifelong contract with someone. I urge every one of my readers to do the same. Maybe this way, we can build relationships that once again mean something.

Just my thoughts :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

Love kinda like this :)

iFLYPT Update!

2010-03-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I know, I know. I've been gone for a while. My last blog post hit home and I had to deal with the part of me that allows me to come to my blog and post what I really, truly feel. Blah, blah, blah enough of that. I'm coming back strong with my first blog of March! In November of 2009, I posted a blog about a young businessman who was/is making a name for himself in the music business...(read the old story here) and I also introduced to you his iPhone App iFLYPT (read that story here). Well, iFLYPT/iFLYPT Remix has been doing INCREDIBLE! It is dubbed as "the hottest new remix app for the iPhone/iTouch" and is garnering praise from iPhone users and celebrities alike. The creators Jon Redwine, "Bobby Digital" and Greg Lowe are all young, black, entrepreneurs with incredible futures ahead of them. If you don't know, now you know. He He. Check out this video of Soulja Boy playing around with the iFlypt.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

DO unto others...

2010-02-20T09:42:00.000-08:00

It's 2010...but the word written so long ago still remains true "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"...not only does this phrase hold so much value because it sets up a nice guiding principle for your life but it also clues us into something very crucial that we often times forget...the "DOing". It seems we have become a culture of talk. Make a mistake, give a speech about how you're sorry...see an injustice, make a speech about how wrong it is...etc...but what we forget is that actions are what speak the loudest...in remembering this first and foremost there'd be less apologies to be made. Especially in matters of the heart. I have so many freinds...both male and female...who have been let down by people they care about...not by what they have said but by what they have DONE. By "what they have done" I don't just mean cheating...I mean small things that sometimes hurt worst. Disappointments add up and become more crucial than one big mistake. The weeks without phone calls, the giftless birthdays and disregard for deep feelings can do a number on a person. Too often there are promises unkept and feelings ignored...which leads to the "doing" of things that cause the loss of relationships and more importantly true friendships. Speaking for myself...as an example...I'm not a very public person with my emotions or feelings...I tend to not open up a lot to people...I give all of my feelings and fears and desires and needs and passions to the characters I play...I channel everything...acting is my therapy BUT if and when I do open up to a person and let them in...especially if they've convinced me to trust them....if that that bond is broken...or if there is now disregard for the trust I had in that person...I may shut off. I may become a person who won't ever open up to someone in the same way. I have to start the process over...and maybe along the way I'll meet someone who really is a nice person and wants to know more about me...but I can't... because I just won't let myself trust enough to be BRAVE enough to have that taken away or torn down when that person decides to walk. And I am not alone in those feelings. It's part of the reason I chose that photo for this blog post...it does become a cycle. I urge all of you....to show who you really are...to be honest with yourself first so that in turn you can be honest with whoever comes to care for you in your life. If you know you're a person who leaves without word or notice...and you know someone cares about you. Don't let their feelings get deeper...protect their heart. Break the cycle. If you're a man who knows that monogamy is not your strong suit maybe the girl with her wedding all planned in her head is not the one for you....protect her heart. Break the cycle. If you're a woman who knows that your esteem issues won't let you truly love someone because you don't truly love yourself maybe the guy who sends flowers and talks of one day being the best husband in the world isn't the one for you right now...protect his heart. Break the cycle. We've got to protect the innocence in one another...by being real.

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress

How I've been feeling lately...enjoy :)

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all my wonderful readers! There are so many different ways to feel about this "holiday" but remember it's only one day! You've got 364 others to be loving, caring and kind not only to someone you're romantically linked to but to everyone you care for. Just for fun...I've made a nice little list of songs for each kind of Valentine's Day celebrator :) Enjoy.

1.) The "Woo"-er (for my fellas)

2.) The "Maybe Next Year"- er

3.) The "I Wish I Knew Where We Stood"-er

4.) The "He/She's the One"-ers

5.) The "I've Got a Crush"-ers (for my ladies)

6.) The "I Don't Funk With Cupid"- ers :(

7.) The "Maybe This Time?"-ers

8.) The "*ahem* We're Just Kicking It"-ers hehe

9.) The "I Love My Man"- ers

10.) The "I Love My Woman"-ers

And of Course For "The WIN"-ers ;)

Happy Love Day... :)

Sincerely,

@bestnewactress