Public speaking, Financial Reporting, Traveling, Love,  Death, Driving in a car with someone who clearly shouldn’t be driving, Sketchy Chinese Restaurants, Mexico,  Religious People,  Surfing,  Sting Rays, JellyFish,  Drowning, Growing a Business, Starting a business, eating new foods, taking a bus in Mexico, SkyDiving, Writing.

I really could flesh out the above list for the rest of the week and still not be done.  The more I think we know about the world, (or *think* we know) the easier it is to be scared of it.;  Though I think that’s a reasonable reaction to knowledge, I must say, I don’t find it acceptable to give into the fear.

Because out of all the things I’ve ever been afraid of, none of them have ever proven to be as bad as they were in my mind. Most of them, never even existed in the first place.

A perfect example that I am dealing with currently is Mexico.

Right now, I am living in the beautiful down of La Cruz de Huanacaxtle, Nayarit, Mexico.  In February I learned that I had the opportunity to rent a beautiful two-bedroom condo overlooking Banderas Bay, roughly 30min from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, for a crazy low price.  And my first thought went directly to all of the fearful, chicken little articles about Mexico that have populated the newspapers and websites over the past few years.

• Drug Cartels
• Murders
• Widespread Violence
• Blah Blahgiddity Blah

Luckily, since I rarely take news at face value anyways, I decided to dig a little deeper into the issue.  I approached a friend of mine, Sean, who is the person responsible for finding me this amazing condo since he has lived in this building with his girlfriend for the past two years.   I asked Sean to give me his impression of the violence and safety in La Cruz, and if I would be okay staying for a couple months.

He basically laughed me off the phone.

Then, he and his girlfriend, Carla, proceeded to leave me fake voicemails making fun of me for thinking that I might get killed in Mexico.   So this, combined with my larger fear of actually having to spend the rest of this year in Ontario, easily superseded any fear I had and now here I am in Mexico.

But it’s funny, I have been here for nearly a month and still that imaginary fear is still lingering; enough that only today did I have the balls to take the bus home from another town.

Over the past three weeks I have been laughed at by nearly a dozen people, who Sean has enjoyed telling about my fear of Mexico.
This never ceases to get a laugh. Even today at my first Salsa lesson (which was amazing!), I told my instructor how I was a little scared to take the bus back home, and again… heavy laughter.

Sunrise in Nayarit (from my Balcony) - Scary huh?!

This is one of the main reasons I have cut down about 95% of my news intake, and I am a much happier, productive person for it.

CNN, Huff Post, Fox News, Toronto Star, and your local newspaper, simply don’t have anything else to write about, and fear sells.  We are evolutionarily hard wired to seek out danger, so we know what to avoid to survive,  but learning about a small plane crash in Colombia shouldn’t affect my thoughts about a flight from Toronto to Calgary, but for a lot of people it does.

We focus our fears on such improbable events, like plane crashes, shark attacks, drug violence in Mexico, and yet we don’t think twice about excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, texting while driving, or eating a double cheeseburger with bacon.

All of the things I just mentioned are much more likely to seriously impact our quality of life, our longevity, and not to mention our mental health. Because our irrational fears are constantly feed a steady stream of hypey bullshit from anyone with a keyboard and a broadcast license.

These people are doing nothing more than getting in the way of us doing the things we want in life. They stop us from turning the monotony of our lives, into a non-stop adventure.

Recently I’ve found that surrounding yourself with people that help you fight the fear and feed the adventure is one of the most important steps we can take in our lives (I will cover this more in a future post).   Because there are plenty of chicken littles out there that will tell you how unsafe Mexico is, that your business idea is flawed, or maybe even that life cannot be enjoyed without drugs and alcohol (arguably the same thing).

These people are dangerous and personally I think should be kept at arm’s length. We only get to live one life.   It is incredibly short, and yet full of possibilities.  We need to be surrounded with people that challenge our inner fraidy cat, and force us outside of our comfort zone (typically defined as the city we grew up in) and into a life of adventure that we can be proud to have lived when all is said and done.

And don’t get me wrong, this does not only include travel and risk taking. This could include major life decisions, like quitting a job you hate to chase a dream, or ending a marriage/relationship for the hope of a finding a better mate.  Fear stops us from doing all of these things.

For this moment in my life, I have two people to thank for pushing me into my trip to Mexico. My buddies Joseph, Alex, and my new friend Sean.  Without them, I’m honestly not sure if I would have taken the next step to make this experience a reality.

“Thank you”,  just doesn’t seem like enough.

And now here I sit, in what has seems like paradise so far, thankful that I was able to make this dream a reality.  From here, who knows where I’ll go, but I am learning more and more, that if it scares me, 9/10 it’s worth pursuing.

With this being said, you’ll never guess what I have planned for myself in California at the beginning of June.

But I will give you a little hint…

I Will Be Petrified Until My Feet Safely Touch The Ground

What are you fearful of doing and what is holding you back from it?

I had not seen Elizabeth in years, and though she had aged considerably since taking center stage in my life, when she smiled she still lit up the room and stopped my heart.

I am speaking, of course, about movie star actress Elizabeth Shue.

Ms. Shue, now technically Mrs. Guggenheim, became the love of my life when I was still counting my years in single digits.  She was everywhere.  I can’t recall if I first saw her in Cocktail, The Karate Kid, or Adventures In Babysitting but I’m almost positive it was the latter.  But regardless, I was in love.

Deeply connected, unconditional, uncontrollable, irrational,  romantic love.

With my slight leaning towards hyperbole aside, when Ms. Shue walked into the pool area of the Chateau Laurier, all of these childhood feelings and memories came rushing back to me.   My girlfriend at the time was also slightly star-struck since I had force-fed her Adventures in Babysitting only a short time before.

I felt empathy for Ms. Shue being half naked and in mommy mode, not to mention that her star had fallen into a steady stream of B-movie roles, and far away from either Teen Idolation or her Oscar Worthy role in Leaving Las Vegas.  Still, the last impression I wanted the former love of my life to have from our one encounter was, “Awkward Asshole Fan”.

So… I waited.   And as Ms. Shue reached the opposite end of the pool I was hit with a mental pile of bricks.  Overly excited, I leaned over to my girlfriend and said, “Holy Shit! She was in Back To The Future 2 and 3! She played Marty’s girlfriend Jennifer.  How the fuck did I forget that?! This is crazy.”

Back To The Future. My all-time favourite movie trilogy that I’ve watched more times than I would like to admit, and in my drunk puppy-love state I had forgotten Ms. Shue had played a staring role. Now I was under water. I was once again an 8 year old trying to hide his excitement and love from his crush.

Elizabeth swam with her daughter and asked me a question I’ve long since forgotten, but my answer was a personal disappointment.  As I masterfully played the part of ignorant hotel guest and mediocre swimmer my mind became a fury of conversation choices and two minute monologues based on achieving one goal… make contact, be nice, shake hands, leave.

But fighting like a dog in the street with that goal was the part of me that had so many questions I desperately wanted her to answer:

“Did you enjoy being in Back To The Future?” (this was most important)

“Even though a lot of people look at Cocktail as a fluff 80s movie, I thought it was just ahead of its time. Do you get a lot of comments still about playing Jordan Mooney? “

“What was your favourite role of the 80s?” (I could give a shit if it was The Saint or Leaving Las Vegas)

Cocktail With Tom Cruise

As much as I wanted to pepper her with all of these questions Jay Leno/Ryan Seacrest style, I knew that I would more be playing the role of Kamikaze Paparazzi than jovial talk show host;  Which is another reason I didn’t want to make my approach in the water.

After all of these painful internal conversations I decided it was time to go.  I got out of the pool, dried off a little bit, and then as I saw Elizabeth crouched near the pool step latter looking down at her daughter I decided it was now or never.

I gathered all the courage and material I had rehearsed over the past 15-20min and I went for it with reckless abandon. Like Jon Cusack at the end of Say Anything with my proverbial ghetto blaster lifted over my head…

Here , paraphrased, is how that encounter went:

“Excuse me, hi, Ms. Shue. My name is Mike and I just wanted to say that I am a huge fan of yours.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean, I just forced my girlfriend to watch Adventures in Babysitting last week.”

(her uncomfortable smirk turned slowly into a smile)

(here I realize I probably shouldn’t have lead with Adventures In Babysitting, and instead opened my adoration with Leaving Las Vegas…. Dummy).

“I don’t want to bother you with your daughter, but I just wanted to say I’ve really enjoyed all of your films, I think you’re an amazing actress, and I just wanted to wish you the best for the rest of your career.  I look forward to seeing you in more movies.”

(At last, a totally sincere and genuine smile. The kind that I watched in Cocktail over and over and over again just because seeing her happy made me happy.)

“Thank you so much, that’s really nice of you to say.”

“You’re welcome. Hope you have a great time in Ottawa.”

“Thanks, take care.”

And that was it.

Mikey could proudly go to sleep at night knowing that Michael had actually stepped through time for him and made his dreams come true.

Throughout the rest of that day and, sadly enough, the next couple days all I could think about was Elizabeth Shue.  It got to the point that my girlfriend was visible angry at how often I would bring up the encounter.  My girlfriend finally turned to me and said, “Oh. My. God. I think you’re actually in love with her. And I don’t just mean like a star-crush, I think you actually love her.”   We both had a good laugh, my girlfriend laughing with reserved annoyance, and me laughing with awkward shameless guilt.

In all honesty, I was getting annoyed with myself at the absurdity of my emotions, but this is childhood love. It doesn’t understand logic, rules, or “girlfriend’s feelings”.    It just understands how happy watching Cocktail made me when I was 8 years old.  I suppose pure, illogical “love” like that doesn’t quickly fade, or truly go away.

And no matter how absurd this story is, I must say, I’m grateful that it happened.  Because it’s usually near impossible to recreate the infatuation or “love” that you feel for a movie star when you’re 8 years old and it is something we rarely get back.

It felt exciting.

So I guess it’s no surprise that even though this happened nearly two years ago, I was inspired to write this post after just having watched Cocktail, again… and she was just as perfect as I remember.

Thanks Elizabeth Shue. For Everything.

I wonder what Alyssa Milano is doing these days….

When I was 7 years old, based on the world I saw around me there were a number of things I thought I would be by 32.

• Married
• Kids
• Full-Time Bus Driver or Superstar Pop Star
• Living in my own house and staying there… forever.

Things change.

Coming from a Roman-Catholic Italian family, and a predominantly European immigrant community, my expectations of life were hinged largely on the ultimate goal of getting married, having a family and finding a secure and stable job that would provide me with a comfortable retirement.   Thinking back on my earlier years now, I cannot think of even hearing of an alternative lifestyle to strive for.

European Immigrants, for the most part, came from a time in which their future was very uncertain.  Many immigrants left their homelands and their families behind to start a new life in a new country for the hopes of achieving more than their fathers had. That goal included finding any sort of job (a luxury in parts of Europe at the time), and not having to “work the fields” for the rest of their lives.

So its only logical that following their perspectives, their children would be raised in a mentality of scarcity.  ”Get an education and find a secure job.”

For years this was the mantra of European parents across North America. Hordes of 1st and 2nd generation Europeans, very smart people with the capability of doing anything they wanted to in life,  lining up for a chance to work for a government or financial institution – the apex of employment stability.  And again, I am not saying there is even one thing wrong with this, if its really what your life’s ambition is.  Though if it’s not, I’m sure middle-age is going to be screaming this reality into your face as you strive to find fulfilment.

I can’t even count the times my mother begged me to apply to teachers college, or lobbied me to apply to one of our local bank branches, “You’d make such a great banker manager!” is chant I heard for a decade.   The only reason I think I rejected this pleading is because I’ve always tended to side against authority opposed to embracing its “valued” suggestions.

And aside from this work philosophy, the second you stepped into a job, any job post 20 years of age,  the chant would change… “So when are you getting married?”,  which ultimately would lead to, “So when am I getting grandchildren?”

The ultimate march of immigrant expectations in a world that is, every year, less and less like the one they were raised in.

Born, church, school, church, work, work, family, children, work, church, children, work, retire, church, grandkids, church, die.

I had anxiety over this equation for the majority of my life. Firstly, because the catholic church never really resonated with me as an “authority” that resided within the realm of reality.  But aside of that, because as I looked to my future I could never envision myself with either the same job or the same woman forever and ever amen.

Until around my mid-20s I functioned in a state of confusion and denial.  Confused at how everyone else could seemingly follow the above equation with personal satisfaction and happiness, and in denial that I could do it too.

Finally accepting that a typical suburban life was not the one for me, was probably one of the most freeing realizations I’ve ever had.  Because finally I wasn’t trying to fit my needs into everyone else’s expectations, but I could now accept my real needs and look for ways to fulfil them (regardless of what was expected of me).

“Adulthood” is a definition that, like anything in life, evolves with time.  We cannot accept the expectations of our family and friends as the guiding light to our future because none of us are the same.  We might be similar, but we’re most certainly not the same.  Your neighbour might NEED stability, and your brother or sister might crave the need to be married (that’s another emotional issue altogether), but their lives shouldn’t define yours, or mine for that matter.

So lately, I have been trying to redefine what adulthood means to me, and what I wished it could have meant all along. Because I definitely know that for me, marriage and breeding out of peer pressure or boredom isn’t the life for me.

I know plenty of people that have very happy lives with this equation and I support and wish them nothing but health and happiness, but for me, I need something… different.

I would like my adulthood to be defined as a reaping of all I have learned earlier in life, and a choice to finally share my time with someone that adds to my life and makes it infinitely better.  I don’t know if my adulthood will start at 35 or 55, but at this point, I’m just happy knowing that I finally have a compass that knows where north is; instead of following where someone else is pointing me.

Try asking yourself that same question and see what you come up with.

Are you following your own compass or someone else’s map?

Be honest!  No one else needs to know.

We come into this world totally clueless, and then effectively spend the remaining years on earth just trying to figure shit out. Life may as well just be one Ikea furniture assembly after another.  Just fumbling around with the allan key hoping this new lamp stays together, before moving onto the living room set.

But lately I’ve been falling into discussions with people about what are the reasons that some people continually take tips from the lazy man’s guide to the human existence, while others really try to make somethings of themselves?

And one of the more interesting ideas was that its not so much choosing the easier path, but avoiding the more difficult one. Fear is the most likely factor.

It’s certainly not a secret that  human beings, as a species, aren’t great decision makers.  We’re irrational, emotional, short-term oriented, fearful of the wrong things (see: shark attacks and gay marriage) and dominated by an overwhelming desire to take the path of least resistance.

Therefore, if we experience early in our lives that we can lie to ourselves and/or avoid our problems and not have to deal with any consequences then it only makes sense that this will be our operating principles for the remainder of our lives.

We face difficult, life changing decisions every day.  No matter if its the first day of a new diet, quitting smoking, staying on a diet, or being a better person (father, girlfriend, friend, employee, human being). Everyday there are small decisions that could potentially change your life.

And unfortunately, it’s much, MUCH easier to just slug it through life and slip into habits, patterns, jobs, and relationships that we truly are not satisfied in.   As I look at the many successful people I have met over the past few years I find one theme is fairly common… these people have formed habits and lifestyles that allow them to make better decisions every single day.

They surround themselves with peers and mentors that encourage positive yet difficult decision making, and that means deciding to work more and be more productive.  I am still struggling with this but I am getting better.

Getting up everyday and working towards a difficult goal is not easy.  Collecting a paycheck and avoiding bumping into your boss for 30 years, that’s easy.  One of the biggest things I have learned is that it is typically the better decision to move forward with something grandly ambitious at half-quality to get the ball-rolling, than to sit back and nitpick at the details waiting for perfection, or that “perfect idea”.

Because here’s the secret…

Perfect doesn’t exist.  Anywhere.

Hemingway once said that the first draft of anything is terrible (this explains my blog, which is made entirely of first drafts, haha).

The experience of starting something and learning from the mistakes you make during that process and correcting course is where brilliance is born.

Scientists have, more recently, discovered that happiness within the definition of brain science, comes, not from achieving a goal, but from working towards a challenging and worthwhile goal.  Its comes in the hunt for greatness.

Achievement is short-lived, and is usually only used as fodder for self-confidence while working towards another goal.

We can lie back and hide in the shadows of our own lives to pretend that avoiding difficult decisions and challenges is making life better for ourselves, or we can stand-up and accept the fact that true happiness comes only within the possibility for greatness.

There is a world of people waiting for something amazing to happen to them, and then there are those finding ways to make it happen. And right now, there are so many “wait-ers” that making it happen is getting easier and easier.

Good luck with your hunt!