I’m really bad at plants.  Emma got me a plant for Mother’s day two years ago and said, “Don’t kill this one.” It’s why this gardening thing is so fascinating to me. It feels nothing short of a miracle when I pick something out of the garden and then feel comfortable enough to actually stick it in my mouth.

One thing that seems most elusive is growing a plant from a seed. For my garden, I got starter plants. I figure the worst part is behind me and I had a good running start to the whole business.

There was one plant though that I couldn’t find a starter plant for, so I had to buy the seeds. I hemmed and hawed over buying them, sure it would be a waste of money. *I* couldn’t do that. I had failed before I even started.

I broke down the other week and bought the seeds. I let them sit on the counter for a while. Why even try? Do I want to feel like a failure? I don’t need any more confirmation that I can’t keep a plant alive, much less start a new one.

I got brave a few days ago and stuck the seeds an inch of soil in an extra pot I had. I watered it, making sure it was wet like I’d heard. And then I sort of gave up hope. It will never come up, but just in case I’ll water it some. At least I can say I tried. I’ll just prove what I know though…even when I try, I fail.

Lo and behold, two days later green stuff started coming up. And with a vengeance. I’d go to sleep and the next morning it’d be another inch higher. I could have sworn it was magic beans I’d planted. Magic beans that actually grew when *I* planted and watered them.

Do you ever feel like that about something in life? You’re just sure you’re going to fail? You’ve always failed in the past and you’d really like for it to go well but you just know you’re not good enough? Sometimes we’ve failed before we’ve even tried. Most of the time, our efforts are only half-hearted. We try just enough to check a box that we did it, but only to prove that it wasn’t worth trying to begin with.

But can I suggest you can do it? Whatever your “it” is. Sure, you might need to put a little more effort in or learn something new or get some help but you can. You really can.

You Can is a post from: Permission to Peruse

Round 1

Joshua – I see how they struggled whether to give him something modern.  Because I really, really struggle with trying to see how he fits in today’s music.  I’ve said this before but I really need him to show me HOW he’s going to make a song modern.  I need one of those Kris Allen or Phillip Phillips moments where I see how it’s done.  Perhaps he’s going to rely on the musicians, producers and songwriters around him once he gets his deal but I sure would like someone that has that vision on his own.  But, all that said he sure can SANG.

Jessica  – Gosh, I think I was supposed to like that.  I almost felt like she was a mini JLo while she was singing.  The beginning was nice for me but I think by the end she got sloppy and I didn’t care for all those runs she was doing.  Plus, I couldn’t even understand what she was saying half the time.

Phillip – Phillip is awesome.  Love that Steven said he could be the new Bruce Springsteen.  So spot on.  Really felt like Randy that he totally owned that and it was like a Phillip Phillips concert.  I hope he wins!!

Round 2

Joshua – Now that is a little more in the direction of what I can see him doing.  He just has such a passion behind his voice that is so rare.  Can’t believe there was no standing ovation for that.

Jessica – Sorry, but I think Lauren Alaina spoiled me forever with her version last year.  What is with me and Jessica?  I just can’t find it in me to be super supportive.  She has such a wonderful voice.  I think I just need her to be a few years older to have some life behind her so I can believe what she sings.

Phillip – That wasn’t my favorite ever but it’s another one of those songs I could put on repeat all day and be ok.  What is the judges’ problem?

Round 3

Joshua – AHHHHHH, that was just amazing and exactly what I wanted to see from him.  Bring him into this decade and he blows every single person out of the water.  He knows how to perform and he knows how to sing and oh my word.  That was my favorite Joshua performance this season.

Jessica – OK so that was a great song for her.  She sounded beautiful.  But I was totally and completely unengaged.  It was almost like really nice elevator music that you just tune in a few times.  You don’t take issue with it but you don’t jump up and down.  It’s just…nice.

Phillip – AHHHHH That was a genius move by Jimmy.  I was afraid Phillip might not pull it off but he totally did.   SO GOOD.

Favorites: Round 1 goes to Phillip.  Round 2 was a wash for me but I guess I’d pick Phillip.  Round 3 I don’t think I can pick between Joshua and Phillip.  I think I have to go with Joshua.

In trouble: Yikes, this is it!!  Ok, hands down I want Phillip and Joshua so I’m voting Jessica out.

American Idol Top 3 is a post from: Permission to Peruse

A photo by Keely Scott that captured my heart

Last week I read as several bloggers joined with Compassion to visit Tanzania.  The bloggers visit homes and Compassion centers and then share with readers their stories.  I absolutely love following the trips and would love to be a part of one.  If you haven’t read some of the posts, here are a few great ones to start with:

The Ugly Beaver

Decorating Truths from a 15 year old Boy

Nail Polish, Bubbles and $38

After reading all week, I was SO PSYCHED to get this particular letter from our child Alexander in Honduras on Saturday. 

It’s truly been a blessing to be part of Compassion and I can’t speak highly enough of sponsorship.  The more we sponsor, the more children get an education and meet Christ.  I can tell you first-hand it’s a beautiful thing to watch.

If you sponsor through Compassion, I’d love to hear about your child!

Compassion Letter is a post from: Permission to Peruse

This is the before, exactly one month ago:

And this is 30 days later:

So yes.  There’s some growing going on.  Let’s talk about the good growing first.

As you can see the broccoli there on the left is kind of out of control.  Zoomed in it sort of looks like a forest.

You can see from the side here that the tomato plants at the fence are all getting pretty big too. 

We’ve got some blooms where some tomatoes will come in and that is so exciting.

You can barely see it but the parsley just beside the tomatoes is huge, the lettuce is doing well and even the marigold down in there is flourishing. I’ve had a few salads from the lettuce and used fresh parsley in my meatloaf last week (WHO AM I, PEOPLE?)

My favorite part about the whole garden so far is my jalapeño peppers.  They’re just so cute and I can’t wait to stuff them with cheese and wrap them in bacon.

Now let’s talk about the bad.  This right bed is pretty empty, huh?

The only thing we can figure out is that either I put too much fertilizer in or didn’t mix it up well enough because all the leaves are either turning brown or it’s totally killing the plants.  I killed the zucchini, cilantro, marigold, and basil plants and my green bell pepper is not far behind.  Since the other bed is nearly identical aside from the fertilizer and because of the symptoms, fertilizer burn is only thing I can figure.  I’m planning to remove the soil and mix in fresh since we have a few bags left over.  I think the whole thing is odd because I thought I used much, much less than he recommended.

In the left bed, the squash plant is not doing well either.

I have no idea what its problem is.

So overall, I have had *something* to eat from it already and it looks like I will have plenty more but it’s a little rough looking.

It’s been amazing though how much God has shown to me through the garden, even through the bad things.  Just today I finally decided to rip out the dying basil and zucchini and I just thought that’s God right there.  Sometimes we have things in our life that we keep tending and tending, hoping that it will find some life but eventually we know they just need to be ripped out and we need to move on.  Last week when my brain was going so crazy and I knew parts of the garden weren’t going well, he reminded just how much I don’t have it together.  Even when I do things in the moment that I feel are right, I just don’t know it all and can’t predict how it’s going to go. We do the right things and it still turns out poorly.  God is good, isn’t he?  I love when he can make all things, even the bad things, be for our good.  I might not get to eat squash casserole, but I’m drinking living water from my garden and I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say that’s priceless.

My Garden – One Month Update is a post from: Permission to Peruse

I will always remember as a young college student realizing more than just Carolina residents knew about Myrtle Beach, SC.  I’d been going to Myrtle Beach since I was just in primary school and when I heard it mentioned on a TV show, I was flabbergasted.  “They just said Myrtle Beach! How do they know about Myrtle Beach?!”  Sure enough, I found out later people even come from Canada to go to Myrtle Beach!  Who knew?

My husband and I got engaged at Myrtle Beach and my kids, now 9 and 7, still enjoy our yearly trek to the coast.  After nearly 30 years I’ve got Myrtle Beach down to a science and I’m just about to share with you the best attractions.  Let’s say you want to spend 5 days in Myrtle Beach this summer with your kids.  What are the must-see attractions?

I’m answering that question over at TheTuckersTakeTennessee.com today.  My guest post is kicking off a summer series on making summer fantastic with your kids so be sure to subscribe when you’re over there.  And for you local folks, be sure to add all your favorite stops!

Five Ways to Have the Very BEST Summer in Myrtle Beach, SC is a post from: Permission to Peruse

Somehow, though, my brain figured out how to take a rest over the weekend and I had some nice moments.  Friday night I let both the kids have someone sleep over.  It felt good to clear my brain by popping popcorn and baking brownies.

Saturday Emma had her first horseback riding lesson thanks to a LivingSocial deal.  At first she was terrified.  As soon as she got on the horse and the instructor was explaining how they were going to go for a walk around the arena, she looked at me and mouthed “I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS.”  I told her we didn’t have to come back and she’d do fine.  That was one of those mother-lines.  Because have I ever told you how much I hate riding horses?  There was that one family vacation in the mountains and the whole family went and I stayed by myself.  And that one time at youth camp where I begged the camp counselor to let me stay back while the group went on their ride.  They made me get on the horse before I decided and that right there sealed the deal.  I sat for the next hour kicking dirt around the barn.  I do not ride horses.  They scare me to death.  I’ll pet one and cry more than anyone else when one gets hurt in a movie but I’m scared to death to ride one.  I think it’s a control thing.  I’ve never been taught how to control such a big animal and I’m just sure it will either buck me off or go running to who knows where. 

After Emma’s lesson Saturday she got off the horse and I gave her the biggest hug ever and told her how proud I was of her and how much braver than her mommy she is.  She said, “You know how I said I didn’t want to do this?  I changed my mind and I really love it.”  And after watching just one lesson and learning that those reigns really do mean something to the horse I honestly think I’d like to do a lesson with Emma.  So there’s that.  I’m still so proud of her for doing it even knowing how much her mother wouldn’t do the same in her shoes.  Here she is doing a steering challenge at the end of the lesson, weaving in between cones.

Sunday was Mother’s Day and with Scott working, the girls still did a great job of sharing all their school-made presents. Emma gave me a book of poems and had wrapped a piggy bank she had gotten from the principal and had written "It pays to be a mom" on the side. She cracks me up. Lexi gave me a card and a necklace made out of playdoh. I wore it all day.

I cooked lunch for my mom and family. I even brought out the china and made name tags. If you’d like to do the same, I put together a free printable for you with the butterflies I used. Just print it on colored card stock and cut out. Thank you, Pinterest, for the idea.

I begged the girls for a picture after dinner. It was one of those, "SIT HERE AND BE STILL AND SMILE!!" I didn’t think we’d captured any worth sharing but this doesn’t say “OH MY GOSH, WE’RE DYING” too bad.

We ate dinner with Scott’s family and then topped off the evening and weekend with mini milkshakes from Sonic. I highly recommend the chocolate and hot fudge mix.

Oh, and some little unnamed hands dropped my phone in the driveway AGAIN last night and shattered my screen. We’re off to the Apple store tonight in hopes they’ll fix it without making me buy a new one and for those concerned, yes, I ordered a LifeProof case this time.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and have a great week!

Weekend Recap is a post from: Permission to Peruse

In which we write for 5 minutes on identity – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking:

I am His, He is mine.  I don’t know how to do life without Him.  But sometimes I don’t know how to do life with Him either.  It’s because of this vast difference between Him and I that I struggle.  But I know that life is in Him.  I must remain in Him, on the vine.  Especially when I have no idea what I’m doing, which I’m learning is most of the time.  But I can’t just set it aside, ignore it, make a snap decision.  It is more than a belief, a thought, an interpretation.  He is who I am.  I must filter all things through His truth.  But oftentimes because I’m not Him yet and He doesn’t always give me eyes to see I don’t know who I am and I don’t know who to be.  But it doesn’t mean I give up, quit the fight, give in.  I search.  My heart searches like a mother finding a lost child or the shepherd with his wayward sheep.  I’m on that journey, that tiny road, trying to run when it’s all dark and there’s mud holding my feet back and weeds tripping me and branches slamming against me.  I’m torn, scraped and dirty.  But I must because I know the very best awaits.  That unconditional, peaceful, fulfilling part when you know you found a little piece of Him.  You’ve added that little part of Him into you to become Him. 

STOP

See more here

Five Minute Friday: Identity is a post from: Permission to Peruse

Phillip – Well, that is the Phillip I like.  I’m so glad his brother (in-law?) called him out on that other song last week.  But this week was very nice.

Hollie – Hollie wants to win this and that’s how you do it.  Sing recognizable songs and do it well.  Well done.

Joshua – First, I’m not a huge fan of that song.  He did it as well as anyone but it was just ok.

Jessica – I’m going to say this until I’m blue in the face but she is a great singer, but I just cannot connect with her.

Joshua/Phillip – YES.  Best duet of the season.  That brought out the best instead of showing their differences.

Jessica/Hollie – Wow, someone is trying to get Hollie to win.  That was WAY partial to her.  I love that song though so it was fun to sing along.  Does anyone else not really care about these duets?  I just feel like they’re a commercial almost and don’t go into my voting.

Group – Very nice.  There was one note in there from Joshua that was very, very nice.  Phillip also had a lovely moment too.

Phillip  – Y’all!  Phillip is back tonight!  That was gorgeous.  And for once, I agree with Steven!  That is a song that I would buy and listen to constantly.  Not *quite* as enthralled as Jennifer but yes, that was awesome.

Hollie – She thought too much if you ask me.  Also, Randy was right in that it was the wrong type of song for her.  Just not big enough for her big voice.

Joshua – Honestly, the first part of that was boring. I kept saying, why does he keep singing such old songs.  But wow, the end of that was ridonkulous.  Seriously.  Those notes…I mean, were those even notes?  I don’t think I’ve ever heard some of those.  Amazing.

Jessica – Well, my, my, my.  That was the best version of that song I’ve ever heard.  Girl can SANG.  I totally felt like Jennifer…someone said DO NOT MOVE.  The good news is it worked.  All that energy came through her voice and wow.

Favorites: First round goes to Hollie.  Second round ummm…Jessica but I really, really liked Phillip too.

In trouble: I didn’t mention Joshua at all so you’d think I’d pick him but I think Hollie is in trouble.

American Idol Top 4 is a post from: Permission to Peruse

But my patience will not wear thin on standing up for what I believe.  Because I know Amendment One is about a lot of other things besides legalizing same-sex marriages, but EVERYONE is talking about same-sex marriages, especially since Obama capitalized on the moment and put in his two cents.

If you’ve read the above two posts, you will see that I have taken time to search Scripture and wrestled in my heart about being gay.  Can I just say I WANT it to be ok?  I desperately want to look my Christian friend in the eyes and say go and do.  Do whatever you want!  But I cannot in good conscience agree with same-sex marriages.  I just can’t.   As I said in my post, if you are not Christian, go and have fun.  Seriously.  If you are not a professing Christian, do whatever you please.  I’m not giving you permission, you don’t need it or want it, but I’m just saying I don’t hold people accountable to Christian things that aren’t Christians.

And AHHH there’s the rub.  My friend said “I don’t agree that we should tell others what faith to believe, or force them to live on rules based on that faith”.  However, as I said in my above posts, I WANT God in my legal system.  When someone asks me to vote on gay marriages, I’m going to say I don’t agree.  There is no separation of church and state.  As my sister said on Facebook, I AM the church. I cannot “put my beliefs aside” when voting on an issue whose deciding factor is of a moral base.

BUT.  I keep going back to that whole sticky separation of church and state.  I put myself in another’s shoes.  What if I lived in, say, Iraq, and I was not allowed one thing or another because of my Christian religion?  Wouldn’t I want the government to allow me to do all the Christian things I want even if the main religion is not Christian?  Do you see?  When someone comes against Christianity, it’s different.  Does that mean I should simply not live in Iraq knowing Christianity would not be well-accepted?  I DON’T KNOW.

And that’s my problem.  I know I argued we are “One nation under God.” but is enforcing our Christian morals on everyone, even though we allow all types of religions here, the right thing?  Should everyone not Christian just leave America then?  Well, no!  I don’t believe that at all!

Some say we’d be losing God’s favor.  Would we?  Shouldn’t we already have done that with all the rest of the stuff that is allowed?  Shouldn’t we then push that the only reason for divorce is adultery?  Why are we not screaming about that?  Let’s get real folks, we’re not being consistent.  You only have to flip on CNN to see we really should have lost God’s favor a long time ago.  Thank God He’s so patient, forgiving, graceful and loving.

But if truth is truth, then it’s truth FOR ALL.  It’s not truth if it’s not.  Shouldn’t I then be required to always do what I can so that truth is followed?

All I know is this issue is splitting the church, splitting friendships and dividing a nation.  We cannot simply put our heads in the sand.  As I said before, BOTH SIDES need to learn some grace.  Lots of grace.  I will tell you I will not treat you differently because you are gay.  I will (and have) had a cup of coffee with you and talk to you for hours.  I will love you because you are you.  I believe God loves you because you are you.  We would do well to read posts like Justin’s that cause us to just stop all the hate and have true conversations and dig deep and love well.

I’m here to say I don’t have the answers to how religion and politics go together.   I’d like to tie a pretty bow on this and settle on the left or right.  But all I can tell you is this:

God loves you

He didn’t make mistakes when He made you

He will always give you what you need to withstand temptation

I will love you no matter what

I have no idea how to handle state rules when it comes to same-sex marriages

Will you love me even though I don’t have the answers?  Will you love me when I don’t agree with what you do or what your son does or your cousin or your brother?  I hope you do because when you mess up or your brother messes up, I’ll still love you and so will God.  We have to get to that point.  When we all are lost, there’s grace.  It’s the only way.

Reaction to Amendment One is a post from: Permission to Peruse

A broken heart.

A broken marriage.

A broken body.

A broken people.

A broken society.

And on a less serious note,

A broken pool

A broken garden

Broken, broken, broken.

This.  This is what I’ve been feeling this week:

Romans 8:22:23 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.

Groaning inwardly of the broken.  That’s this week for me.  Lord, come quickly.

Broken is a post from: Permission to Peruse